Hey, everyone, welcome back to another edition of Mojo Monday. I'm Carl Taylor, and today we're exploring something that plays a critical role in building strong relationships, and that's how we listen when someone is talking to us. So how often do we find ourselves in conversations where we're already crafting our sentence like our next sentence, waiting for our turn to speak. And I know I do it. I know everyone does it because it's pretty normal. But I also know how important it is not to start responding when maybe that person just wants to be heard and understood. And this is because when we listen purely to respond, whether we're aware of it or not, we are even miss out on what's really been communicated, and that can leave the other person feeling misunderstood and unheard. And for coaches and therapists and in life, mastering this art of listening is essential for fostering deeper connections and helping people feel really understood. And so before we dive into the three levels of listening that can really transform how we engage in conversations, I wanted to share a quick personal story that kind of sparked this topic for me. So not too long ago, I was talking to a friend about something that was important to me at the time, something that was on my mind, and I just wanted to vent. Soon after I started talking, my friend responded by relating what I was saying to their own experience, and I I know they meant well, but what it did was it shifted the focus from what I was going through to what they had experienced. And then suddenly my situation didn't seem like it mattered as much, and I was feeling just a bit frustrated and a little unheard. And it really got me thinking about the importance of listening, not to respond, not to reply, but to understand. And so that's what I want to dive into today. So let's start with the three levels of listening. So level one is internal listening, and this is the obviously the first of the three levels. This is where we most of us operate by default. So when we listen at this level, we're filtering everything that we hear through the lens of our own experience. Our minds go to, well, how does this relate to me? Or what should I say next? And it's a very self focused way of listening, and we often don't even realize that we're doing it now. In the coaching or in the therapy context, this type of listening can be particularly limiting and it can affect the client relationship. And if we're always relating everything back to our own stories or our own experiences, we're not fully present for the other person and it can make them feel as if their feelings or insights aren't as valuable. And of course there are times that validating what the other person is saying by talking about our own experience can be really helpful to them. So there really needs to be this sort of level of awareness of whether to respond with our own experience and whether that's right in the context of what's being said. And then the level two is called focused listening. This is where the shift can really happen. Instead of focusing on yourself, you turn your attention fully to the person speaking, so you're no longer focusing inward on your own response or how what they're saying relates to you. Maybe those thoughts still come up, because it's pretty natural that they do, but it's about you being aware of them, but you don't respond to them. You're completely present, you're engaged, and you're actively working to understand what the person is sharing with you. And in the context of coaching or therapy, or even a conversation with a friend, this is where true connection begins. Focus listening allows you to ask insightful questions. You can bring curiosity into it, reflect back on what the other person is saying, and rather than offering advice or shifting the conversation back to you, you are actively working to understand what they are talking about. And then the third and deepest level of listening is called global listening. This is where you're not just listening to the words being spoken, but you're attuned to everything else that's going on in the conversation. So you're noticing body language, tone, and even their energy in the room. And at this level you're picking up on not what's being said or what's not only being said. You know, maybe the person is choosing their words carefully, or perhaps their posture reveals tension or discomfort. Global listening allows you to engage with the unspoken elements of communication and this can create a deeper connection. And when you're listening at this level, it helps you to recognize things that may be holding the other person back, things they may not even be aware of themselves. It can help you notice when somebody is struggling that maybe they're not actually expressing it. Many people are really good at hiding when they're struggling. So if you can go to this level, sometimes you can see it just in their body language or just in the nuances of what they're saying, and especially when their words don't quite match what they're feeling inside. So I have experienced this global listening as a coach myself. It's a skill that I have really worked hard at, and I've also been a recipient, and it can build such a deep connection connection and that's where the biggest impact can take place. So to become a better listener, self awareness is key. We've all had those moments where we're tempted to just jump in with our own stories or advice, but being aware of this helps us recognize when we're about to shift the conversation back to ourselves and pull us back into that deeper listening. One of the most important things that we need to become better listeners is self awareness. It's so easy to slip into that internal listening where our attention is inward, especially when we want to relate to the person that's speaking. But self awareness is what allows us to catch ourselves when we're about to turn the conversation back to ourselves. So it's about noticing when your mind starts wandering or when you're already thinking about how you respond, and then gently bringing yourself back to the moment, back into the conversation to listen to what they're saying. Listening is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice. But the more self aware that we become, the better we get at catching those moments and staying fully present for the person that we're talking to. And there's actually compelling research behind this. Studies have shown that when people feel truly heard, it activates the brain's reward centers, making them feel valued and connected, which is no surprise when you really think about it, and research from the University of Utah found that effective listening improves relationship satisfaction and builds trust, while poor listening habits can lean to misunderstandings and disconnection, and in our fast paced world, we often don't take the time to fully listen. We're very, very distracted in this world with social media, with emails, and as a result, we can lose opportunity to deepen our relationships if we're not aware of it. So when you practice this skill of listening to understand, you give people the gift of your presence, and that is something that everybody needs. So think about the last time someone really listened to you. I bet you that it made a difference. It made you feel like you mattered. And in a world where so many of us are rushing from one thing to the next, giving someone your undivided attention is truly one of the most impactful things that you can do. So I'll wrap up today with a challenge if you accept it, the next time you're in a conversation, whether it's with your partner, or your kids, or a friend someone at work, try shifting your focus from responding to understanding and be aware of when you're at your mind is telling you to jump in with your own story and instead just stay present with the person. And the more you practice this, the more you'll see how it can transform your relationships. And as a coach, I've seen firsthand how much of a difference that this can make, not only in my professional work, but also in my personal life too. Thanks so much for joining me on today's Mojo Monday. I hope this has given you something valuable and also something to practice, to take into your week, and I will catch you next week. Bye,

Hey, everyone, welcome back to another edition of Mojo Monday. I'm Carl Taylor, and today we're exploring something that plays a critical role in building strong relationships, and that's how we listen when someone is talking to us. So how often do we find ourselves in conversations where we're already crafting our sentence like our next sentence, waiting for our turn to speak. And I know I do it. I know everyone does it because it's pretty normal. But I also know how important it is not to start responding when maybe that person just wants to be heard and understood. And this is because when we listen purely to respond, whether we're aware of it or not, we are even miss out on what's really been communicated, and that can leave the other person feeling misunderstood and unheard. And for coaches and therapists and in life, mastering this art of listening is essential for fostering deeper connections and helping people feel really understood. And so before we dive into the three levels of listening that can really transform how we engage in conversations, I wanted to share a quick personal story that kind of sparked this topic for me. So not too long ago, I was talking to a friend about something that was important to me at the time, something that was on my mind, and I just wanted to vent. Soon after I started talking, my friend responded by relating what I was saying to their own experience, and I I know they meant well, but what it did was it shifted the focus from what I was going through to what they had experienced. And then suddenly my situation didn't seem like it mattered as much, and I was feeling just a bit frustrated and a little unheard. And it really got me thinking about the importance of listening, not to respond, not to reply, but to understand. And so that's what I want to dive into today. So let's start with the three levels of listening. So level one is internal listening, and this is the obviously the first of the three levels. This is where we most of us operate by default. So when we listen at this level, we're filtering everything that we hear through the lens of our own experience. Our minds go to, well, how does this relate to me? Or what should I say next? And it's a very self focused way of listening, and we often don't even realize that we're doing it now. In the coaching or in the therapy context, this type of listening can be particularly limiting and it can affect the client relationship. And if we're always relating everything back to our own stories or our own experiences, we're not fully present for the other person and it can make them feel as if their feelings or insights aren't as valuable. And of course there are times that validating what the other person is saying by talking about our own experience can be really helpful to them. So there really needs to be this sort of level of awareness of whether to respond with our own experience and whether that's right in the context of what's being said. And then the level two is called focused listening. This is where the shift can really happen. Instead of focusing on yourself, you turn your attention fully to the person speaking, so you're no longer focusing inward on your own response or how what they're saying relates to you. Maybe those thoughts still come up, because it's pretty natural that they do, but it's about you being aware of them, but you don't respond to them. You're completely present, you're engaged, and you're actively working to understand what the person is sharing with you. And in the context of coaching or therapy, or even a conversation with a friend, this is where true connection begins. Focus listening allows you to ask insightful questions. You can bring curiosity into it, reflect back on what the other person is saying, and rather than offering advice or shifting the conversation back to you, you are actively working to understand what they are talking about. And then the third and deepest level of listening is called global listening. This is where you're not just listening to the words being spoken, but you're attuned to everything else that's going on in the conversation. So you're noticing body language, tone, and even their energy in the room. And at this level you're picking up on not what's being said or what's not only being said. You know, maybe the person is choosing their words carefully, or perhaps their posture reveals tension or discomfort. Global listening allows you to engage with the unspoken elements of communication and this can create a deeper connection. And when you're listening at this level, it helps you to recognize things that may be holding the other person back, things they may not even be aware of themselves. It can help you notice when somebody is struggling that maybe they're not actually expressing it. Many people are really good at hiding when they're struggling. So if you can go to this level, sometimes you can see it just in their body language or just in the nuances of what they're saying, and especially when their words don't quite match what they're feeling inside. So I have experienced this global listening as a coach myself. It's a skill that I have really worked hard at, and I've also been a recipient, and it can build such a deep connection connection and that's where the biggest impact can take place. So to become a better listener, self awareness is key. We've all had those moments where we're tempted to just jump in with our own stories or advice, but being aware of this helps us recognize when we're about to shift the conversation back to ourselves and pull us back into that deeper listening. One of the most important things that we need to become better listeners is self awareness. It's so easy to slip into that internal listening where our attention is inward, especially when we want to relate to the person that's speaking. But self awareness is what allows us to catch ourselves when we're about to turn the conversation back to ourselves. So it's about noticing when your mind starts wandering or when you're already thinking about how you respond, and then gently bringing yourself back to the moment, back into the conversation to listen to what they're saying. Listening is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice. But the more self aware that we become, the better we get at catching those moments and staying fully present for the person that we're talking to. And there's actually compelling research behind this. Studies have shown that when people feel truly heard, it activates the brain's reward centers, making them feel valued and connected, which is no surprise when you really think about it, and research from the University of Utah found that effective listening improves relationship satisfaction and builds trust, while poor listening habits can lean to misunderstandings and disconnection, and in our fast paced world, we often don't take the time to fully listen. We're very, very distracted in this world with social media, with emails, and as a result, we can lose opportunity to deepen our relationships if we're not aware of it. So when you practice this skill of listening to understand, you give people the gift of your presence, and that is something that everybody needs. So think about the last time someone really listened to you. I bet you that it made a difference. It made you feel like you mattered. And in a world where so many of us are rushing from one thing to the next, giving someone your undivided attention is truly one of the most impactful things that you can do. So I'll wrap up today with a challenge if you accept it, the next time you're in a conversation, whether it's with your partner, or your kids, or a friend someone at work, try shifting your focus from responding to understanding and be aware of when you're at your mind is telling you to jump in with your own story and instead just stay present with the person. And the more you practice this, the more you'll see how it can transform your relationships. And as a coach, I've seen firsthand how much of a difference that this can make, not only in my professional work, but also in my personal life too. Thanks so much for joining me on today's Mojo Monday. I hope this has given you something valuable and also something to practice, to take into your week, and I will catch you next week. Bye,