Hi everyone, Carly Taylor here, Welcome to Mojo Monday. Today we're going to talk about something that we all struggle with with very intensity, and that is our expectation of reality versus reality itself. And this is such a common source of stress. We can build up this picture in our minds of how things should be. So Christmas is a classic example. I can't believe Christmas is just around the corner. It's crazy that it's November, but that's the reality. But it's meant to be this joyful time and this gathering field with love and harmony where everything just feels right. But for many, it doesn't always play out that way. For some people, Christmas means spending time with family members that maybe they don't get along with. Or there's those kids with separated parents who have to go from one place to the other. And I mentioned that because that was me when I was young, and it was it was such a source of stress for me. Or it's about, you know, buying all the food or just making everyone happy, or maybe another example is that you've gone through or you are going through a really tough time. Maybe there's a difficult diagnosis or relationship strains or just a sense of things not being as you hoped they would turn out. So when reality doesn't match that picture that we hold or that expectation, we can really experience a lot of stress and disappointment and even anger, and we get trapped in these thoughts like this isn't fair or why can't things be different? Or why me? But the truth is reality, as hard as it sometimes feels, it's the only truth that we have. So Marcus Aurelius, the Stoic philosopher, he reminds us that you have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. In other words, we can't control what happens, but we can control how we respond to what happens. And one of the core teachings in both acts, which is acceptance commitment therapy and Japanese psychology, is that it's not reality itself that's causing us the suffering, but our resistance to it. So the struggle comes from our thoughts insisting that it shouldn't be this way or I can't handle this, And this mental resistance doesn't change reality, it only often intensifies the suffering that comes with it. So last week I mentioned about year twelve exams, which my daughter is going through, so it's relevant, very relevant at the moment. But I just wanted to give this as an example because it's a very real example of this. Those students who are in year twelve who are just finishing exams, some of them have finished them already. You know, they've worked hard, or maybe they haven't worked hard, but exams are finally done. And then after an exam, it's really common to have this flood of oh what if thoughts, like maybe I shouldn't have answered that question that way, maybe I should have answered it differently, or why weren't the questions on the topics that I studied the most? And these are all very normal responses. But here's the thing. Once the exam is done, it's done. So going over those questions in our mind and wishing things had gone differently won't change the outcome. And the reality is it's over. Nothing more is within your control. But if you stay in that space of regret or worry, the stress and anxiety can really build up. This is a classic example of needing to let go of control, and there are so many examples of this for us, all acknowledging any disappointment or frustration, but not allowing it to consume you to the point where it interferes with the here and now. You do your best and you take the rest as it comes, and that is being grounded in reality. So think of it like standing in a river and fighting against the current. The more you resist, the more exhausted you become. But if you accept that the river is flowing, you're free to choose how you move with it. Maybe you swim, maybe you find a rock to rest on, but you're no longer exhausting yourself fighting something that you can't control. And this doesn't mean that you ignore how you're feeling. You allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. And if in any disappointment arises, do you notice it. Let it be a part of the landscape without letting it take over. So accepting doesn't mean that you like what's happening, just that you're willing to acknowledge it as reality. And then it's about shifting your attention. So some questions to help you shift your attention are, well, what is important right now? What strengths do I need to draw on in this moment? And these questions can help you reconnect with your values and your purpose, the purpose in this moment, bringing you back to the present and for our year twelves. For instance, what's important right now might be resting, spending time with friends, or reconnecting with people, or celebrating all the hard work and the fact that it's now over. So it might mean focusing on the next chapter instead of clinging to something that you can't change. So when we turn our focus to what matters, we move out of this deluge usion and into reality. We're not living in the future that may never come or a past that we can't change. We're here fully in this moment, and that's powerful. That's where life is happening. So the Bordher once said, your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts. And I think this is such an important reminder. When we get caught up in this deluded thinking, you know, imagining how life should be, we actually block ourselves from experiencing life as it is, this rich and complex and yes sometimes painful life. But when we accept things as they are, we open up the possibility to respond meaningfully. So this week, if you find yourself struggling with the reality of life, the reality of your situation. Try to notice when you're resisting, name it, feel it, and then gently ask yourself, well, what's important here? How can I align my response with what's important my values? And then take action whatever that is. Always do something, because the alternative is to be lost in thought and that can bring up stress. So moving taking action is how we ground ourselves. And whether it's a small step or a big one, each action will bring us back to the present moment. And each time we do this, we're choosing a life rooted in reality, in acceptance, and in meaning. Thank you for joining me on this week's My Joe Monday. I pipe this brings you a bit of peace and clarity as you navigate to your week this week, and I'll catch you next week By

Hi everyone, Carly Taylor here, Welcome to Mojo Monday. Today we're going to talk about something that we all struggle with with very intensity, and that is our expectation of reality versus reality itself. And this is such a common source of stress. We can build up this picture in our minds of how things should be. So Christmas is a classic example. I can't believe Christmas is just around the corner. It's crazy that it's November, but that's the reality. But it's meant to be this joyful time and this gathering field with love and harmony where everything just feels right. But for many, it doesn't always play out that way. For some people, Christmas means spending time with family members that maybe they don't get along with. Or there's those kids with separated parents who have to go from one place to the other. And I mentioned that because that was me when I was young, and it was it was such a source of stress for me. Or it's about, you know, buying all the food or just making everyone happy, or maybe another example is that you've gone through or you are going through a really tough time. Maybe there's a difficult diagnosis or relationship strains or just a sense of things not being as you hoped they would turn out. So when reality doesn't match that picture that we hold or that expectation, we can really experience a lot of stress and disappointment and even anger, and we get trapped in these thoughts like this isn't fair or why can't things be different? Or why me? But the truth is reality, as hard as it sometimes feels, it's the only truth that we have. So Marcus Aurelius, the Stoic philosopher, he reminds us that you have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. In other words, we can't control what happens, but we can control how we respond to what happens. And one of the core teachings in both acts, which is acceptance commitment therapy and Japanese psychology, is that it's not reality itself that's causing us the suffering, but our resistance to it. So the struggle comes from our thoughts insisting that it shouldn't be this way or I can't handle this, And this mental resistance doesn't change reality, it only often intensifies the suffering that comes with it. So last week I mentioned about year twelve exams, which my daughter is going through, so it's relevant, very relevant at the moment. But I just wanted to give this as an example because it's a very real example of this. Those students who are in year twelve who are just finishing exams, some of them have finished them already. You know, they've worked hard, or maybe they haven't worked hard, but exams are finally done. And then after an exam, it's really common to have this flood of oh what if thoughts, like maybe I shouldn't have answered that question that way, maybe I should have answered it differently, or why weren't the questions on the topics that I studied the most? And these are all very normal responses. But here's the thing. Once the exam is done, it's done. So going over those questions in our mind and wishing things had gone differently won't change the outcome. And the reality is it's over. Nothing more is within your control. But if you stay in that space of regret or worry, the stress and anxiety can really build up. This is a classic example of needing to let go of control, and there are so many examples of this for us, all acknowledging any disappointment or frustration, but not allowing it to consume you to the point where it interferes with the here and now. You do your best and you take the rest as it comes, and that is being grounded in reality. So think of it like standing in a river and fighting against the current. The more you resist, the more exhausted you become. But if you accept that the river is flowing, you're free to choose how you move with it. Maybe you swim, maybe you find a rock to rest on, but you're no longer exhausting yourself fighting something that you can't control. And this doesn't mean that you ignore how you're feeling. You allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. And if in any disappointment arises, do you notice it. Let it be a part of the landscape without letting it take over. So accepting doesn't mean that you like what's happening, just that you're willing to acknowledge it as reality. And then it's about shifting your attention. So some questions to help you shift your attention are, well, what is important right now? What strengths do I need to draw on in this moment? And these questions can help you reconnect with your values and your purpose, the purpose in this moment, bringing you back to the present and for our year twelves. For instance, what's important right now might be resting, spending time with friends, or reconnecting with people, or celebrating all the hard work and the fact that it's now over. So it might mean focusing on the next chapter instead of clinging to something that you can't change. So when we turn our focus to what matters, we move out of this deluge usion and into reality. We're not living in the future that may never come or a past that we can't change. We're here fully in this moment, and that's powerful. That's where life is happening. So the Bordher once said, your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts. And I think this is such an important reminder. When we get caught up in this deluded thinking, you know, imagining how life should be, we actually block ourselves from experiencing life as it is, this rich and complex and yes sometimes painful life. But when we accept things as they are, we open up the possibility to respond meaningfully. So this week, if you find yourself struggling with the reality of life, the reality of your situation. Try to notice when you're resisting, name it, feel it, and then gently ask yourself, well, what's important here? How can I align my response with what's important my values? And then take action whatever that is. Always do something, because the alternative is to be lost in thought and that can bring up stress. So moving taking action is how we ground ourselves. And whether it's a small step or a big one, each action will bring us back to the present moment. And each time we do this, we're choosing a life rooted in reality, in acceptance, and in meaning. Thank you for joining me on this week's My Joe Monday. I pipe this brings you a bit of peace and clarity as you navigate to your week this week, and I'll catch you next week By