Pushkin, what's your life purpose? That is a very big sounding question, which honestly is why most of us shy away from talking about it. Your life's purpose feels like it needs to be important, Curing a disease, saving an endangered species, or founding a billion dollar company. It's supposed to be something big, right wrong, Because, as we'll hear in this episode, purpose can be found in something as simple as collecting baseball cards and hanging out with others who share your passion. That's an example taken directly from the life of my guest for this episode.

Pushkin, what's your life purpose? That is a very big sounding question, which honestly is why most of us shy away from talking about it. Your life's purpose feels like it needs to be important, Curing a disease, saving an endangered species, or founding a billion dollar company. It's supposed to be something big, right wrong, Because, as we'll hear in this episode, purpose can be found in something as simple as collecting baseball cards and hanging out with others who share your passion. That's an example taken directly from the life of my guest for this episode.

Hi, I'm Jordan Grummitt. I am a hospice physician, personal finance podcaster, an author of the book With the Purpose Code.

Hi, I'm Jordan Grummitt. I am a hospice physician, personal finance podcaster, an author of the book With the Purpose Code.

Jordan's career has taken many detours. At times, he's found himself facing some big dead ends and his lifelong quest for purpose, But today he's pretty happy where things ended up, which makes him an excellent guide for this concluding episode of our how To season, where we'll discuss how to find your purpose. Jordan began yearning for purpose at a particularly young age, but set off to find it in a direction that he later realized was a mistake. It all began with an unexpected bereavement.

Jordan's career has taken many detours. At times, he's found himself facing some big dead ends and his lifelong quest for purpose, But today he's pretty happy where things ended up, which makes him an excellent guide for this concluding episode of our how To season, where we'll discuss how to find your purpose. Jordan began yearning for purpose at a particularly young age, but set off to find it in a direction that he later realized was a mistake. It all began with an unexpected bereavement.

It pretty much affected everything. I was seven years old and my father was this prominent oncologist, this cancer doctor that everyone looked up to, and he had a brain aneurysm, which meant he was literally rounding at the hospital, got a severe headache, collapsed, went into a coma, and died within a day or two. Back then, you know, there was no talk of these extraordinary measures. The neurosurgeon came in and said, look, he's pretty much brain dead, and they removed life support. And I was seven years old, and as most seven year olds are, I looked at the world through a very self centered lens. I told myself that there was something wrong with me. I wasn't enough, I wasn't good enough. I didn't do things well enough, I wasn't lovable and and so at some point I developed the narrative in my own head that I could cosmically fix the world if I became a doctor like him, if I just stepped into his footsteps, if I walked his path, everything would be okay. And that narrative served me for quite a long time. In fact, I had a learning disability I got over that made my way through college and medical school. This was a joyful version of purpose and identity. At the time. I wasn't interested in money or career or any of those things. I just wanted to be like my dad, and it served me until it didn't.

It pretty much affected everything. I was seven years old and my father was this prominent oncologist, this cancer doctor that everyone looked up to, and he had a brain aneurysm, which meant he was literally rounding at the hospital, got a severe headache, collapsed, went into a coma, and died within a day or two. Back then, you know, there was no talk of these extraordinary measures. The neurosurgeon came in and said, look, he's pretty much brain dead, and they removed life support. And I was seven years old, and as most seven year olds are, I looked at the world through a very self centered lens. I told myself that there was something wrong with me. I wasn't enough, I wasn't good enough. I didn't do things well enough, I wasn't lovable and and so at some point I developed the narrative in my own head that I could cosmically fix the world if I became a doctor like him, if I just stepped into his footsteps, if I walked his path, everything would be okay. And that narrative served me for quite a long time. In fact, I had a learning disability I got over that made my way through college and medical school. This was a joyful version of purpose and identity. At the time. I wasn't interested in money or career or any of those things. I just wanted to be like my dad, and it served me until it didn't.

So let's talk about the part where it didn't. What happened in your medical career that, you know, what started out as kind of this important purpose kind of wound up becoming something else.

So let's talk about the part where it didn't. What happened in your medical career that, you know, what started out as kind of this important purpose kind of wound up becoming something else.

Well, what pretty much happened is burnout. And what I eventually realized is this version of purpose, this audacious version of purpose, like I can cosmically save this fact that my father died by just becoming a doctor like him, wasn't actually reachable. And so I became a doctor and it didn't solve any of the problems. I still didn't feel good about this sentinel thing that happened in my life. And yet I was spending my days doing things that I didn't love and I didn't enjoy, and that weren't filling me up. And so I wasn't reaching that big audacious goal I had. But I also wasn't enjoying the process either, and that is the perfect setup to burn out.

Well, what pretty much happened is burnout. And what I eventually realized is this version of purpose, this audacious version of purpose, like I can cosmically save this fact that my father died by just becoming a doctor like him, wasn't actually reachable. And so I became a doctor and it didn't solve any of the problems. I still didn't feel good about this sentinel thing that happened in my life. And yet I was spending my days doing things that I didn't love and I didn't enjoy, and that weren't filling me up. And so I wasn't reaching that big audacious goal I had. But I also wasn't enjoying the process either, and that is the perfect setup to burn out.

So what were some of your symptoms when you were going through burnout as a doctor, Like, how did it manifest?

So what were some of your symptoms when you were going through burnout as a doctor, Like, how did it manifest?

It's the Sunday scaries. Right Sunday night, You're like, I don't want to go to work. It's the waking up in the morning and instead of being energized, being stressed. I contrast that to my life today, where I spend a lot more time doing things that I enjoy the process of doing, regardless of the goal. And I kind of jump out of bed at four thirty five in the morning every morning because I'm so excited to jump in, whereas I might have still gotten up at four thirty or five in the morn, but it was more I was so anxious that there were all these things on the table that seemed impossible that I had to get through. And so it really manifests itself very differently. There's a certain amount of optimism and a joy in which I leap into activities now that I just didn't have them.

It's the Sunday scaries. Right Sunday night, You're like, I don't want to go to work. It's the waking up in the morning and instead of being energized, being stressed. I contrast that to my life today, where I spend a lot more time doing things that I enjoy the process of doing, regardless of the goal. And I kind of jump out of bed at four thirty five in the morning every morning because I'm so excited to jump in, whereas I might have still gotten up at four thirty or five in the morn, but it was more I was so anxious that there were all these things on the table that seemed impossible that I had to get through. And so it really manifests itself very differently. There's a certain amount of optimism and a joy in which I leap into activities now that I just didn't have them.

So how did you break out of this? It must be really hard to kind of train your whole career to become a doctor. You're feeling burned out. What was the next time? It was kind of a happy accident. And I think this happens to a lot of people. When they take on big, audacious purpose that doesn't suit them, they actually often try to fit these things in that are more joyful, that suit them better around the sides, like when they're not busy doing other things. So I love writing, I love communicating, I love public speaking, and so I was trying to integrate that into my life. And I told myself, well, you can't really do that for a living, Like writing is a hobby, it's something you do for fun. So I was fitting it in during my lunch hour or at night when my wife and kids were sleeping, and so fortuitously, in two thousand and fourteen, I was writing a blog about medicine, what it felt like to be a doctor, and this guy named Jim Dolly, the White Coat Investor, sent me his book. And he had written a book about physician personal finance, and he wanted me to review it from my blog. And I had always had modeled for me beautiful, wonderful financial behavior, but I never had the words to understand what that meant. And so he sent me his book and had described this concept of financial independence, this idea of having enough money so that you didn't have to spend your days doing things you didn't want to do. And within a few hours of reading this, I realized I was doing fine financially, like I didn't have to continue doing this thing that wasn't filling me up just because I needed a paycheck, which was amazing and exhilarating for all of about a minute.

So how did you break out of this? It must be really hard to kind of train your whole career to become a doctor. You're feeling burned out. What was the next time? It was kind of a happy accident. And I think this happens to a lot of people. When they take on big, audacious purpose that doesn't suit them, they actually often try to fit these things in that are more joyful, that suit them better around the sides, like when they're not busy doing other things. So I love writing, I love communicating, I love public speaking, and so I was trying to integrate that into my life. And I told myself, well, you can't really do that for a living, Like writing is a hobby, it's something you do for fun. So I was fitting it in during my lunch hour or at night when my wife and kids were sleeping, and so fortuitously, in two thousand and fourteen, I was writing a blog about medicine, what it felt like to be a doctor, and this guy named Jim Dolly, the White Coat Investor, sent me his book. And he had written a book about physician personal finance, and he wanted me to review it from my blog. And I had always had modeled for me beautiful, wonderful financial behavior, but I never had the words to understand what that meant. And so he sent me his book and had described this concept of financial independence, this idea of having enough money so that you didn't have to spend your days doing things you didn't want to do. And within a few hours of reading this, I realized I was doing fine financially, like I didn't have to continue doing this thing that wasn't filling me up just because I needed a paycheck, which was amazing and exhilarating for all of about a minute.

And then I had a major panic attack because I realized this only thing that I had ever identified myself as, this only version of purpose I really knew outside of, you know, the basic pedestrian stuff of having a family and kids and that kind of stuff, but my only real sense of purpose was tied to something I realized didn't suit me anymore. And not only that, but it was that singular connection I still had to my father, and I was talking about walking away, and I knew I had to walk away at least on some level, because of the burnout and the anxiety and the stress. On the other hand, if I was going to walk away from this only thing that had ever defined me, who would I be? And so that started a process which took years of trying to figure out how to develop and pursue a life of purpose. And I wasn't ready to throw the baby out with the bathwater. So I couldn't just walk away from medicine, because I probably could have at that moment said I'm done, I quit, I'm out, but I didn't have the emotional fortitude. So actually I started with something much more simpler. I use what I call the artist's attraction. I started getting rid of what I didn't like in my job. I didn't love owning my own practice. I got rid of that. I eventually got rid of the working in the nursing home and the nights and the weekends. What I was left with was doing hospice work, taking care of the terminally ill, and strangely enough, I realized I would do that even if I wasn't being paid for it. That was an anchor for me. I'm like, Okay, this job no longer feels purposeful. I don't identify by it, but there's this little piece being a hospice doctor, which was an anchor of joy and purpose for me. So I could stick with that. But that of course opened up a huge amount of space because I was doing that about ten or fifteen hours a week. So the question was what type of life did I want? To lead in all that open space, and that's where I came back to those joys that i'd always submerged, things like writing in public speaking and expressing myself. And since I got there through learning about personal finance, it was a natural place for me to start writing and podcasting about it.

And then I had a major panic attack because I realized this only thing that I had ever identified myself as, this only version of purpose I really knew outside of, you know, the basic pedestrian stuff of having a family and kids and that kind of stuff, but my only real sense of purpose was tied to something I realized didn't suit me anymore. And not only that, but it was that singular connection I still had to my father, and I was talking about walking away, and I knew I had to walk away at least on some level, because of the burnout and the anxiety and the stress. On the other hand, if I was going to walk away from this only thing that had ever defined me, who would I be? And so that started a process which took years of trying to figure out how to develop and pursue a life of purpose. And I wasn't ready to throw the baby out with the bathwater. So I couldn't just walk away from medicine, because I probably could have at that moment said I'm done, I quit, I'm out, but I didn't have the emotional fortitude. So actually I started with something much more simpler. I use what I call the artist's attraction. I started getting rid of what I didn't like in my job. I didn't love owning my own practice. I got rid of that. I eventually got rid of the working in the nursing home and the nights and the weekends. What I was left with was doing hospice work, taking care of the terminally ill, and strangely enough, I realized I would do that even if I wasn't being paid for it. That was an anchor for me. I'm like, Okay, this job no longer feels purposeful. I don't identify by it, but there's this little piece being a hospice doctor, which was an anchor of joy and purpose for me. So I could stick with that. But that of course opened up a huge amount of space because I was doing that about ten or fifteen hours a week. So the question was what type of life did I want? To lead in all that open space, and that's where I came back to those joys that i'd always submerged, things like writing in public speaking and expressing myself. And since I got there through learning about personal finance, it was a natural place for me to start writing and podcasting about it.

Also, seems like your switched to spending more time with those in pallity of care sort of tell you something else about purpose?

Also, seems like your switched to spending more time with those in pallity of care sort of tell you something else about purpose?

What was that? Well, interestingly enough, my life had taken two tracks right. One track was becoming a personal finance expert, doing a blog on that and eventually a podcast. But the other track was I was still taking care of the terminally ill. And after doing this for ten fifteen years and sitting at people's bedside, I realized that when I was talking to financial people, they're really good at telling me how to make money or how to invest, but often if I ask them questions like well, what does enough look like in your life or what is this serving? I got a lot of blank stairs. On the other hand, then I go see my hospice patients who would know that the end was coming, and all they wanted to do was talk about what was important in their life and specifically about regrets. What did they regret never having the energy, courage, or time to do? And I started thinking about what if all my financial people had this knowledge, What if they could put themselves in the shoes of someone who is dying and just for a brief period of time, think about those really important things that they hadn't accomplished, and what if we could then flip those around and turn them into anchors of purpose, Like, Okay, this is a beckoning, this is an inkling, This is this big important thing to me. If I do nothing for the rest of my life, if I keep on saying I don't have enough time, I don't have enough money, I don't have enough energy, or I'm afraid I'm gonna fail, one day a doctor like me will walk into your room and you'll realize it's too late. And so what I wanted to do was take that feeling, that knowledge and give it to all these younger people who trying to figure out their life. How do we win the game? How do we die without regrets? So regrets became purpose anchors, something we have to build a life of purpose around. And I always say this, you don't find purpose. Everyone's like I'm waiting for it. It's either going to fall on my head. I'm going to be successful and happy and in the world's going to be great, or I'm going to miss it and everything's going to be horrible. The truth of the matter is we have these whisperings, but then we have to do the hard work, which is building a life of purpose around it. And I think the dying they have that message to give us, don't wait until it's too late.

What was that? Well, interestingly enough, my life had taken two tracks right. One track was becoming a personal finance expert, doing a blog on that and eventually a podcast. But the other track was I was still taking care of the terminally ill. And after doing this for ten fifteen years and sitting at people's bedside, I realized that when I was talking to financial people, they're really good at telling me how to make money or how to invest, but often if I ask them questions like well, what does enough look like in your life or what is this serving? I got a lot of blank stairs. On the other hand, then I go see my hospice patients who would know that the end was coming, and all they wanted to do was talk about what was important in their life and specifically about regrets. What did they regret never having the energy, courage, or time to do? And I started thinking about what if all my financial people had this knowledge, What if they could put themselves in the shoes of someone who is dying and just for a brief period of time, think about those really important things that they hadn't accomplished, and what if we could then flip those around and turn them into anchors of purpose, Like, Okay, this is a beckoning, this is an inkling, This is this big important thing to me. If I do nothing for the rest of my life, if I keep on saying I don't have enough time, I don't have enough money, I don't have enough energy, or I'm afraid I'm gonna fail, one day a doctor like me will walk into your room and you'll realize it's too late. And so what I wanted to do was take that feeling, that knowledge and give it to all these younger people who trying to figure out their life. How do we win the game? How do we die without regrets? So regrets became purpose anchors, something we have to build a life of purpose around. And I always say this, you don't find purpose. Everyone's like I'm waiting for it. It's either going to fall on my head. I'm going to be successful and happy and in the world's going to be great, or I'm going to miss it and everything's going to be horrible. The truth of the matter is we have these whisperings, but then we have to do the hard work, which is building a life of purpose around it. And I think the dying they have that message to give us, don't wait until it's too late.

So it seems like to find purpose we have to start by knowing what it is. What is purpose? And as we think about finding it, what are some of the benefits that can come from it psychologically?

So it seems like to find purpose we have to start by knowing what it is. What is purpose? And as we think about finding it, what are some of the benefits that can come from it psychologically?

So this is my favorite question because I think colloquially we talk about purpose as being our why, and I think that's problematic. I think the better way to look at it is purpose are the actions we take in the present and future that light us up. That's it, simple, straightforward. Why don't like looking at it as our why is because then it becomes high stakes and we're back to this. I either don't figure it out in all this loss, or I figure it out and I live blissfully happy. And we all know that's not how it works, and so I think it's a much simpler definition. Why is it important, Well, the studies are clear. I mean, there are a million studies out there that look at having a purpose in life and what that means. And we know from various studies that it leads to increased health, longevity, and happiness, and so it's really important. If we had a pill, if the doctor could give you this pill and say you're going to live ten or twenty percent longer, you're going to be happier and healthier, of course we would take it. And yet people get so confused about purpose because it seems ephemeral and hard to reach, that they give up on it. And in fact, other studies which seem to contradict those first studies, show that up to ninety one percent of people at some point in their life have what's called purpose anxiety. This idea of finding their purpose actually frustrates them, cause them depression anxiety. And so the question is how can it be both how can purpose be like the most important thing but also so anxiety written? And I think part of the reason is because we get this idea of purpose wrong, We've been stuck in that purpose is our why for so long that we make these big audacious dreams, often ones we don't have the agency to achieve, and it leaves us frustrated as opposed to focusing on action in the present and future and doing these little things that just light us up, which I think is much more associated with all those good things we see the study show.

So this is my favorite question because I think colloquially we talk about purpose as being our why, and I think that's problematic. I think the better way to look at it is purpose are the actions we take in the present and future that light us up. That's it, simple, straightforward. Why don't like looking at it as our why is because then it becomes high stakes and we're back to this. I either don't figure it out in all this loss, or I figure it out and I live blissfully happy. And we all know that's not how it works, and so I think it's a much simpler definition. Why is it important, Well, the studies are clear. I mean, there are a million studies out there that look at having a purpose in life and what that means. And we know from various studies that it leads to increased health, longevity, and happiness, and so it's really important. If we had a pill, if the doctor could give you this pill and say you're going to live ten or twenty percent longer, you're going to be happier and healthier, of course we would take it. And yet people get so confused about purpose because it seems ephemeral and hard to reach, that they give up on it. And in fact, other studies which seem to contradict those first studies, show that up to ninety one percent of people at some point in their life have what's called purpose anxiety. This idea of finding their purpose actually frustrates them, cause them depression anxiety. And so the question is how can it be both how can purpose be like the most important thing but also so anxiety written? And I think part of the reason is because we get this idea of purpose wrong, We've been stuck in that purpose is our why for so long that we make these big audacious dreams, often ones we don't have the agency to achieve, and it leaves us frustrated as opposed to focusing on action in the present and future and doing these little things that just light us up, which I think is much more associated with all those good things we see the study show.

And so you've made this distinction that I find really important between you know, what you seem to be calling is that of this big P purpose, the kind of big, high falutine, kind of scary, anxiety inducing purpose, and what you've termed little P purpose. What's the little pea purpose? What are we missing?

And so you've made this distinction that I find really important between you know, what you seem to be calling is that of this big P purpose, the kind of big, high falutine, kind of scary, anxiety inducing purpose, and what you've termed little P purpose. What's the little pea purpose? What are we missing?

So little P purpose is process oriented instead of goal oriented, and so the idea is doing things that light you up. And why this is good is it's impossible to fail. I say, big P purposes all or nothing. You either success even this really big audacious thing or you don't. Little P purposes all or all, and so it tends to be very very abundant. Think about this, What are the million different things we could do that we would enjoy? Conversely, big purpose is much more goal oriented, and usually we don't love the process of doing the things we do just to get to this goal. And that's problematic for a few reasons. One is we often say things in America like if you can think it, you can build it, and so we don't just think of purpose. But it's always like this big outsize I'm gonna be a billionaire, I'm going to run for president, I'm gonna have an eight figure business, And a lot of times we're sold this by social media and society, and so a lot of people like, I don't know what my purpose is. I can't find it, and so what do they do. They go right to their phones and they look at Instagram and TikTok and what are they seeing. They're seeing six pack abs and eight figure businesses and wearing the nicest clothes and traveling to every country in the world. And the problem is a lot of the people putting out those images, whether it's in social media or in marketing or trying to sell you something. But we co opt this version of purpose because we don't know what feels purposeful and we've been told that it's supposed to be big and impactful and important, but a lot of us don't have agency to actually have six pack ads or run the figure business. We're not the right person at the right time, saying the right things, with the right genetics and a whole lot of luck, and so a lot of the times we fail, which makes us feel just lost and anxious, or God forbid, we succeed and we realize that we don't still feel filled up, and so we have to double down and then pick the biggest, better thing. So now I've an any figure business, but I want to be a multiple billionaire. I want to be in the list of top fifty billionaires or what have you. We know that we tend to habituate back down to a baseline, especially with this goal oriented purpose fu good.

So little P purpose is process oriented instead of goal oriented, and so the idea is doing things that light you up. And why this is good is it's impossible to fail. I say, big P purposes all or nothing. You either success even this really big audacious thing or you don't. Little P purposes all or all, and so it tends to be very very abundant. Think about this, What are the million different things we could do that we would enjoy? Conversely, big purpose is much more goal oriented, and usually we don't love the process of doing the things we do just to get to this goal. And that's problematic for a few reasons. One is we often say things in America like if you can think it, you can build it, and so we don't just think of purpose. But it's always like this big outsize I'm gonna be a billionaire, I'm going to run for president, I'm gonna have an eight figure business, And a lot of times we're sold this by social media and society, and so a lot of people like, I don't know what my purpose is. I can't find it, and so what do they do. They go right to their phones and they look at Instagram and TikTok and what are they seeing. They're seeing six pack abs and eight figure businesses and wearing the nicest clothes and traveling to every country in the world. And the problem is a lot of the people putting out those images, whether it's in social media or in marketing or trying to sell you something. But we co opt this version of purpose because we don't know what feels purposeful and we've been told that it's supposed to be big and impactful and important, but a lot of us don't have agency to actually have six pack ads or run the figure business. We're not the right person at the right time, saying the right things, with the right genetics and a whole lot of luck, and so a lot of the times we fail, which makes us feel just lost and anxious, or God forbid, we succeed and we realize that we don't still feel filled up, and so we have to double down and then pick the biggest, better thing. So now I've an any figure business, but I want to be a multiple billionaire. I want to be in the list of top fifty billionaires or what have you. We know that we tend to habituate back down to a baseline, especially with this goal oriented purpose fu good.

We need to look at other examples, not the kind of folks on social media or the billionaires. Like when we're looking for people who achieve little py purpose, it's not necessarily the people we expect. You shared the story of someone that you grew up with, this kind of baseball card guy that worked in your neighborhood. He share his story, and why was it so powerful for gaining little pe purpose?

We need to look at other examples, not the kind of folks on social media or the billionaires. Like when we're looking for people who achieve little py purpose, it's not necessarily the people we expect. You shared the story of someone that you grew up with, this kind of baseball card guy that worked in your neighborhood. He share his story, and why was it so powerful for gaining little pe purpose?

So Roman changed my life and he never ever meant to, but he did anyway. And this is I think the importance of little pea purpose because not only is it reachable in something we all can do, but it actually can lead to really big impact and legacy. And so Roman was a baseball player in high school. He blew out his knee, kind of gave up on that dream, decided not to go to college and took over his father's antique shop because he was good at redoing furniture. Right, they would bring him armoires and things and he would fix them up, restain them, and sell them. And so he was busy in this life running the antique store, and a gentleman dropped off an armoir, and he saw that he could make an easy profit, so he bought it. He was in the back starting to fix it up at his antique store and noticed a box at baseball cards in one of the drawers. So he called the guy up and said, Hey, I got your baseball cards. You want to come pick them up? The guy said, nat, don't worry about it. So Roman knew nothing about baseball cards, so we took him, put him on the counter, didn't even think about them. A few days later, a woman came in with her snarky teenager, looking bored as can be at being brought into this antique store, and then he noticed the box of baseball cards and starts flipping through them, and he looks up at Roman says, hey, how much for the baseball cards? Now Roman had no idea, this was just something extra, so he's like, huh, ten bucks, that'll be fine. So the kid plops down ten dollars, and as snarky teenagers do, he spread them out on the table and said this one, this one, and this one. Three of the hundred of cards. He said, these together worth one hundred dollars on their own. Now, Roman could have been angry, but he wasn't. But instead he found himself in thrall. The part of his brain lit up that he wasn't expecting, and I don't know why. I don't think he knew why. Maybe it was that he used to remember putting baseball cards in the spokes of his bike, or that he remembered going to Wrigleyfield with his dad and sitting in the bleachers when he was a little kid. I'm not sure what it was, and I don't think Roman could have told you, but he felt a spark and that became a purpose anchor for him. Now this again is the big distinction. It's not that he found purpose, although this one day something lit up in his brain. He actually had to build a life of purpose around that. So he decided, I'm going to sell baseball cards in my antique store. He wasn't trying to make millions of dollars. He already had a successful antique store. He just said, boy, this sounds fun and interesting. So he hired the snarky teenager right away. He started studying the baseball card market. He started buying inventory, and a few years later I walked into that antique store. You see, I was a eight, nine, ten year old. My father had died, I had had a learning disability. I had almost no friends. I was the typical geek or nerd. I had no community. But I loved baseball cards, and so I go to that antique shop and Roman became a mentor. When I had a bad day, he would counsel me. He'd give me a free pack of baseball cards. We'd open it up and eat the god awful gum that came in the middle. And it wasn't just me, but it was dozens and dozens of other kids who found community and connections and a sense of confidence all from Roman's little pea purpose. Sadly, Roman eventually got cancer, he had to close the antique shop, and he died. That was like thirty or forty years ago. But think about all those kids who left that little community that he built, who became doctors and lawyers, and maybe they bought and sold things like Roman, but walked in the world with a huge amount of confidence and a feeling like they belonged. Thirty years later, those kids are still changing the world and having their own kids and passing down maybe even the love of baseball cards. And I like to contrast that to Mickey Mantle, because when I was a little kid collecting baseball cards, all we wanted was Mickey Mantle cards. Now, if I, or even Roman for that matter, had decided to look at Mickey Mantle and develop a sense of purpose around him, like maybe we want to be major League baseball players and break all sorts of records like him, that's kind of big audacious purpose. Well, Roman, couldn't he blew out his knee and me, I just didn't have the talent, the skills, the mentors. I didn't have anything in place to do that. So if that had been our version of purpose, we probably both would have ended up miserable when we failed. But instead the guy remembers Roman, this guy who did something that lit him up, and a happy accident of that was that he changed the world and he still exists. His effect, his impact are still there all these decades later.

So Roman changed my life and he never ever meant to, but he did anyway. And this is I think the importance of little pea purpose because not only is it reachable in something we all can do, but it actually can lead to really big impact and legacy. And so Roman was a baseball player in high school. He blew out his knee, kind of gave up on that dream, decided not to go to college and took over his father's antique shop because he was good at redoing furniture. Right, they would bring him armoires and things and he would fix them up, restain them, and sell them. And so he was busy in this life running the antique store, and a gentleman dropped off an armoir, and he saw that he could make an easy profit, so he bought it. He was in the back starting to fix it up at his antique store and noticed a box at baseball cards in one of the drawers. So he called the guy up and said, Hey, I got your baseball cards. You want to come pick them up? The guy said, nat, don't worry about it. So Roman knew nothing about baseball cards, so we took him, put him on the counter, didn't even think about them. A few days later, a woman came in with her snarky teenager, looking bored as can be at being brought into this antique store, and then he noticed the box of baseball cards and starts flipping through them, and he looks up at Roman says, hey, how much for the baseball cards? Now Roman had no idea, this was just something extra, so he's like, huh, ten bucks, that'll be fine. So the kid plops down ten dollars, and as snarky teenagers do, he spread them out on the table and said this one, this one, and this one. Three of the hundred of cards. He said, these together worth one hundred dollars on their own. Now, Roman could have been angry, but he wasn't. But instead he found himself in thrall. The part of his brain lit up that he wasn't expecting, and I don't know why. I don't think he knew why. Maybe it was that he used to remember putting baseball cards in the spokes of his bike, or that he remembered going to Wrigleyfield with his dad and sitting in the bleachers when he was a little kid. I'm not sure what it was, and I don't think Roman could have told you, but he felt a spark and that became a purpose anchor for him. Now this again is the big distinction. It's not that he found purpose, although this one day something lit up in his brain. He actually had to build a life of purpose around that. So he decided, I'm going to sell baseball cards in my antique store. He wasn't trying to make millions of dollars. He already had a successful antique store. He just said, boy, this sounds fun and interesting. So he hired the snarky teenager right away. He started studying the baseball card market. He started buying inventory, and a few years later I walked into that antique store. You see, I was a eight, nine, ten year old. My father had died, I had had a learning disability. I had almost no friends. I was the typical geek or nerd. I had no community. But I loved baseball cards, and so I go to that antique shop and Roman became a mentor. When I had a bad day, he would counsel me. He'd give me a free pack of baseball cards. We'd open it up and eat the god awful gum that came in the middle. And it wasn't just me, but it was dozens and dozens of other kids who found community and connections and a sense of confidence all from Roman's little pea purpose. Sadly, Roman eventually got cancer, he had to close the antique shop, and he died. That was like thirty or forty years ago. But think about all those kids who left that little community that he built, who became doctors and lawyers, and maybe they bought and sold things like Roman, but walked in the world with a huge amount of confidence and a feeling like they belonged. Thirty years later, those kids are still changing the world and having their own kids and passing down maybe even the love of baseball cards. And I like to contrast that to Mickey Mantle, because when I was a little kid collecting baseball cards, all we wanted was Mickey Mantle cards. Now, if I, or even Roman for that matter, had decided to look at Mickey Mantle and develop a sense of purpose around him, like maybe we want to be major League baseball players and break all sorts of records like him, that's kind of big audacious purpose. Well, Roman, couldn't he blew out his knee and me, I just didn't have the talent, the skills, the mentors. I didn't have anything in place to do that. So if that had been our version of purpose, we probably both would have ended up miserable when we failed. But instead the guy remembers Roman, this guy who did something that lit him up, and a happy accident of that was that he changed the world and he still exists. His effect, his impact are still there all these decades later.

So how can we follow Roman's example and find our own little pea purpose? We'll hear Jordan's tips right after the break. People who get hopelessly lost in the blazing desert sometimes reports seeing what looks like life giving water just over the horizon, but no matter how far they walk towards that shimmering lake, they never reach it. Doctor and podcaster Jordan Grammit says those of us thirsting for purpose often fall for the same thing we chase after visions that turn out to be what he calls purpose mirages.

So how can we follow Roman's example and find our own little pea purpose? We'll hear Jordan's tips right after the break. People who get hopelessly lost in the blazing desert sometimes reports seeing what looks like life giving water just over the horizon, but no matter how far they walk towards that shimmering lake, they never reach it. Doctor and podcaster Jordan Grammit says those of us thirsting for purpose often fall for the same thing we chase after visions that turn out to be what he calls purpose mirages.

Purpose mirages are basically big pea purpose that masquerades as being good for us. And so, whether this is some net worth, like I want to get to that million dollars or billion dollars or whatever it is, whether it's some career achievement, whatever it is, it's something that you convince yourself that you will be happy and everything will be perfect once you reach it, even if you don't basically feel yourself lit up by the process of doing these things you have to do to get there. And so I'll give you a perfect example. I see this all the time in podcasting, because I love podcasting, and for me, podcasting is little p purpose, something I deeply enjoy the process of doing. Once I get in front of that microphone to interview someone, it doesn't matter what comes of it other than I have a really joyful hour of conversation. I could turn that into a mirage. I could kind of say, well, that's fine, but I also want to get a million downloads a month. And so all of a sudden, this changes from something I enjoy the process of doing to more of a goal oriented, goal centered process, and maybe I realized to get there, I'm gonna have to do some things I really we don't want to do. Like I don't love social media, I don't love making TikTok videos. Those are things I agonize over and find that I when I do them, I'm generally not happy at the end of the day. But if I really want to get to that million downloads, maybe that's something I need to do, and so what happens is we set ourselves up to not enjoy what we're doing for most of the time, whether we get to that goal or not.

Purpose mirages are basically big pea purpose that masquerades as being good for us. And so, whether this is some net worth, like I want to get to that million dollars or billion dollars or whatever it is, whether it's some career achievement, whatever it is, it's something that you convince yourself that you will be happy and everything will be perfect once you reach it, even if you don't basically feel yourself lit up by the process of doing these things you have to do to get there. And so I'll give you a perfect example. I see this all the time in podcasting, because I love podcasting, and for me, podcasting is little p purpose, something I deeply enjoy the process of doing. Once I get in front of that microphone to interview someone, it doesn't matter what comes of it other than I have a really joyful hour of conversation. I could turn that into a mirage. I could kind of say, well, that's fine, but I also want to get a million downloads a month. And so all of a sudden, this changes from something I enjoy the process of doing to more of a goal oriented, goal centered process, and maybe I realized to get there, I'm gonna have to do some things I really we don't want to do. Like I don't love social media, I don't love making TikTok videos. Those are things I agonize over and find that I when I do them, I'm generally not happy at the end of the day. But if I really want to get to that million downloads, maybe that's something I need to do, and so what happens is we set ourselves up to not enjoy what we're doing for most of the time, whether we get to that goal or not.

And I think this is so important because I've seen not just in my own life, but especially with my Yale students right where this idea of kind of going after these mirages, whether it's money or accomplishments or grades or whatever, it winds up crowding out the little p purpose that they could have had. You love your sport and you're sort of maybe you're a track athlete because of that, but then it's then it's the wins and the monies, and then you start hating it because now you're sort of chasing after these other things. So we can get in these situations where like the part that we hate going after the wrong thing can like literally get rid of the joy that we were getting from something else before.

And I think this is so important because I've seen not just in my own life, but especially with my Yale students right where this idea of kind of going after these mirages, whether it's money or accomplishments or grades or whatever, it winds up crowding out the little p purpose that they could have had. You love your sport and you're sort of maybe you're a track athlete because of that, but then it's then it's the wins and the monies, and then you start hating it because now you're sort of chasing after these other things. So we can get in these situations where like the part that we hate going after the wrong thing can like literally get rid of the joy that we were getting from something else before.

Yeah, I mean, I think happiness contentment is really a marathon, not a sprint. Again, we set ourselves up for burnout because we are doing things we innately don't love to get to this thing we think we will love. But the problem is you spend so much time in the process, and so little time in actually achieving the goal. And again, we're really good as human beings at habituating back down to a certain level of happiness. So even if you think that goal is going to really light you up and you're going to be happy the rest of your life because of it, we all know that it's fleeting, it's transitory. So it makes much more sense to invest in those things we enjoy the process of doing, because that's going to actually take up most of our time. And you know the secret is, time passes no matter what you do. It can't be commoditized. You can't buy, you can't sell it, you can't trade it. The only thing you can do is control what activities you're involved with as time passes. And so winning the game, in my opinion, is filling up that time with as much purposeful activity you love the process of doing and getting rid of as many things that you loathe as possible. And especially with young people, I love to say it behooves you to start looking at your calendar today and start working towards improving that calendar every week, every month, because time is finite and we have no idea how much we have, and so I want you all to win the game. So I really want you to continuously look at the calendar and build in things you love little P purpose and get rid of things you loathe and just wash, rinse, and repeat over and over again.

Yeah, I mean, I think happiness contentment is really a marathon, not a sprint. Again, we set ourselves up for burnout because we are doing things we innately don't love to get to this thing we think we will love. But the problem is you spend so much time in the process, and so little time in actually achieving the goal. And again, we're really good as human beings at habituating back down to a certain level of happiness. So even if you think that goal is going to really light you up and you're going to be happy the rest of your life because of it, we all know that it's fleeting, it's transitory. So it makes much more sense to invest in those things we enjoy the process of doing, because that's going to actually take up most of our time. And you know the secret is, time passes no matter what you do. It can't be commoditized. You can't buy, you can't sell it, you can't trade it. The only thing you can do is control what activities you're involved with as time passes. And so winning the game, in my opinion, is filling up that time with as much purposeful activity you love the process of doing and getting rid of as many things that you loathe as possible. And especially with young people, I love to say it behooves you to start looking at your calendar today and start working towards improving that calendar every week, every month, because time is finite and we have no idea how much we have, and so I want you all to win the game. So I really want you to continuously look at the calendar and build in things you love little P purpose and get rid of things you loathe and just wash, rinse, and repeat over and over again.

And that gets to your second tip for kind of finding better little P Purpose right, which is that when we kind of look through our calendar, we have to pay attention to what's going on internally. Tip number two is that you can't look for your purpose externally. You need to find it yourself. This is one that I really love because, especially when thinking about my students, I think it's so easy for them and for all of us to just get caught up in other people's ideas of what you know our purpose should be. We can kind of co opt what other people seem to like in ways they sort of really run us astray. How do we fix this? How do we find our purpose internally?

And that gets to your second tip for kind of finding better little P Purpose right, which is that when we kind of look through our calendar, we have to pay attention to what's going on internally. Tip number two is that you can't look for your purpose externally. You need to find it yourself. This is one that I really love because, especially when thinking about my students, I think it's so easy for them and for all of us to just get caught up in other people's ideas of what you know our purpose should be. We can kind of co opt what other people seem to like in ways they sort of really run us astray. How do we fix this? How do we find our purpose internally?

There are some great ways to really connect with your sense of purpose, but it is true the first thing you have to realize is society marketing social media. Everyone has a version of purpose for you that probably fulfills their needs. So when we think of society marketing, it's obvious they want to make money on you, but also your parents and your family. They have a version of purpose for you, and often if fulfills their needs, maybe you can make up for the thing they could do, or maybe they're worried about your stability, and so they create this version of purpose for you too, which might not align with who you actually are. And so the idea is to let go of other people's version of purpose and get more in touch with yours. And so I often say we don't find our purpose, we create or build it. But it is true that we need these purpose anchors, which are inklings or beckonings of things that light us up, which we can then build a life of purpose around. And so the best way is to think about a number of exercises we actually can do that help us get way more in touch with what these purpose anchors are you and I talked about one of them in the beginning, which is the regrets of the Dying. I think regret is a wonderful way to start thinking about purpose. Again. People are dying, only have a short period of time left, they don't have a lot of energy, and so unfortunately regret is really really disappointing because they don't have agency to do anything about that. But if we can put you in that mindset of what would you regret at the end of your life if that was to be in the next week or month, and so thinking what if I never had the energy, courage, or time to do we can then turn that into a purpose anchor. That's the easy part is realizing what's important to us. The hard part is then you've got to do the work. You've got to actually build a life of purpose around it. So I think regrets are a great way. Another one is joys of childhood. So I always tell people kids are extremely purposeful, right They haven't co opted to anyone else's version of purpose yet, especially when they're very young. So they go out and they play, they do whatever they want to do. They lose track of time. They enter what we call right this flow state where they're so lost they forget to come home for dinner and they're just enjoying the moment. Kids don't worry about some big, audacious goal. Most of the time, they just want to do what they want to do. They love the process of doing it. We let go of those versions of purposes we get older when we start thinking about career and school and all those other things. So I often tell people, you know, look around to your bedroom, think back to what decorated your bedroom. What were the posters, what were the trophies, what were the drawings. Often those can be those beckonings that we can then build a life purpose around. Hey, for me, I'm busy, right, I have a lot of things going on. I have a lot of purpose anchors. But if I ever run out of them. I loved baseball cards when I was little, and so every time a scrolling through Facebook or looking in the newspaper and I see something about baseball or baseball cards, especially like with the old time photos, my brain lights up. I feel it. I feel it in my chest, I feel it in my brain. I'm like, I get really excited. So I know that's a joy of childhood. It could be a purpose anchor. And if I find that I really am like boy, life doesn't feel very purposeful and I have free time, I can start pursuing that.

There are some great ways to really connect with your sense of purpose, but it is true the first thing you have to realize is society marketing social media. Everyone has a version of purpose for you that probably fulfills their needs. So when we think of society marketing, it's obvious they want to make money on you, but also your parents and your family. They have a version of purpose for you, and often if fulfills their needs, maybe you can make up for the thing they could do, or maybe they're worried about your stability, and so they create this version of purpose for you too, which might not align with who you actually are. And so the idea is to let go of other people's version of purpose and get more in touch with yours. And so I often say we don't find our purpose, we create or build it. But it is true that we need these purpose anchors, which are inklings or beckonings of things that light us up, which we can then build a life of purpose around. And so the best way is to think about a number of exercises we actually can do that help us get way more in touch with what these purpose anchors are you and I talked about one of them in the beginning, which is the regrets of the Dying. I think regret is a wonderful way to start thinking about purpose. Again. People are dying, only have a short period of time left, they don't have a lot of energy, and so unfortunately regret is really really disappointing because they don't have agency to do anything about that. But if we can put you in that mindset of what would you regret at the end of your life if that was to be in the next week or month, and so thinking what if I never had the energy, courage, or time to do we can then turn that into a purpose anchor. That's the easy part is realizing what's important to us. The hard part is then you've got to do the work. You've got to actually build a life of purpose around it. So I think regrets are a great way. Another one is joys of childhood. So I always tell people kids are extremely purposeful, right They haven't co opted to anyone else's version of purpose yet, especially when they're very young. So they go out and they play, they do whatever they want to do. They lose track of time. They enter what we call right this flow state where they're so lost they forget to come home for dinner and they're just enjoying the moment. Kids don't worry about some big, audacious goal. Most of the time, they just want to do what they want to do. They love the process of doing it. We let go of those versions of purposes we get older when we start thinking about career and school and all those other things. So I often tell people, you know, look around to your bedroom, think back to what decorated your bedroom. What were the posters, what were the trophies, what were the drawings. Often those can be those beckonings that we can then build a life purpose around. Hey, for me, I'm busy, right, I have a lot of things going on. I have a lot of purpose anchors. But if I ever run out of them. I loved baseball cards when I was little, and so every time a scrolling through Facebook or looking in the newspaper and I see something about baseball or baseball cards, especially like with the old time photos, my brain lights up. I feel it. I feel it in my chest, I feel it in my brain. I'm like, I get really excited. So I know that's a joy of childhood. It could be a purpose anchor. And if I find that I really am like boy, life doesn't feel very purposeful and I have free time, I can start pursuing that.

It seems like what you're doing there is for of getting to what your tip number three is right, which is that we need to notice the process, not the goal. We need to kind of pay attention to these so called purpose anchors, the stuff that lights us up. You've mentioned purpose anchors before, but I wanted you to kind of give me a quick definition. You know, what are these sorts of things?

It seems like what you're doing there is for of getting to what your tip number three is right, which is that we need to notice the process, not the goal. We need to kind of pay attention to these so called purpose anchors, the stuff that lights us up. You've mentioned purpose anchors before, but I wanted you to kind of give me a quick definition. You know, what are these sorts of things?

So purpose anchors are just the inklings. They are the beckonings of things that you could find joy in. And so the question is what seems joyful out of the box. And again a lot of people are like, well, I don't know what that is, but a lot of us do know that they're whisperings in our life. Like I knew when I was training to be a doctor that I also wanted to be a writer. There was just something about it, and that's why I was trying to fit it into these little bits of time when I wasn't busy with other things. We all know that many of us are trying to fall asleep at night, and sometimes we have these crazy ideas and we get so excited we stay up all night, we can't fall asleep, and then the next day you are so exhausted you figure it was crazy. You move on, you go to work, and never think about it again. But sometimes those are the whisperings, like what keeps you up and night? What excites you. What do your friends and family tell you when you do this thing you are most lit up? Those are those anchors. They're just things that cause you immediate joy. There doesn't need to be an explanation, but it's a great place to start that active process of creating action in the present in future building what I call these climbs, these purposeful activities. It's just a great starting place and they should be abundant. Most people, when they do the work, realize that there are actually lots of little things out there that excite them. And when they let go of this idea that has to be this big important thing or something other people want to do, or it has to lead to some kind of wealth or fame. When they drop all that and just say, well, what are the things I love to do? It becomes much easier and much more abundant, which is something that people never They never use that term abundant when they talk about purpose. It always seems like it's something totally scarce. And so that's why I want to kind of flip that switch.

So purpose anchors are just the inklings. They are the beckonings of things that you could find joy in. And so the question is what seems joyful out of the box. And again a lot of people are like, well, I don't know what that is, but a lot of us do know that they're whisperings in our life. Like I knew when I was training to be a doctor that I also wanted to be a writer. There was just something about it, and that's why I was trying to fit it into these little bits of time when I wasn't busy with other things. We all know that many of us are trying to fall asleep at night, and sometimes we have these crazy ideas and we get so excited we stay up all night, we can't fall asleep, and then the next day you are so exhausted you figure it was crazy. You move on, you go to work, and never think about it again. But sometimes those are the whisperings, like what keeps you up and night? What excites you. What do your friends and family tell you when you do this thing you are most lit up? Those are those anchors. They're just things that cause you immediate joy. There doesn't need to be an explanation, but it's a great place to start that active process of creating action in the present in future building what I call these climbs, these purposeful activities. It's just a great starting place and they should be abundant. Most people, when they do the work, realize that there are actually lots of little things out there that excite them. And when they let go of this idea that has to be this big important thing or something other people want to do, or it has to lead to some kind of wealth or fame. When they drop all that and just say, well, what are the things I love to do? It becomes much easier and much more abundant, which is something that people never They never use that term abundant when they talk about purpose. It always seems like it's something totally scarce. And so that's why I want to kind of flip that switch.

It's time for a quick break. But when we return, Jordan will share a lesson he learned from patients in their final days of life. The Happiness Lab will be right back. Doctor Jordan Gramit says he was wrong to think that practicing medicine would give his life purpose, but he did find one part of his profession that was deeply fulfilling, his work with people at the end of their lives. Working in palliative care taught him another great way to identify that little p purpose by conducting what's called a life review.

It's time for a quick break. But when we return, Jordan will share a lesson he learned from patients in their final days of life. The Happiness Lab will be right back. Doctor Jordan Gramit says he was wrong to think that practicing medicine would give his life purpose, but he did find one part of his profession that was deeply fulfilling, his work with people at the end of their lives. Working in palliative care taught him another great way to identify that little p purpose by conducting what's called a life review.

So I first heard of a life review as a hospice medical director. And so I started hospice work because I was working with a lot of elderly and I was taking care of them at the end of life. And a hospicner said, hey, you're really good at this, maybe you should work with us. There's not a huge number of hospice doctors. I started working with them, and a lot of times you learn on your feet, especially doing things like this. And I would go to our weekly meetings and the social workers would keep on talking about, Okay, we performed a life review, etc. You know, the first time or two I've heard it, I didn't think much about it. But then I started asking questions, what is this life review and why do we do it? And so in hospice, we have a few main goals. It's not to prolong life. What it is is to make people comfortable, cover their pain, their nausea, make sure they're dying where they want to die, whether that's home, in a nursing home or justs of living. But another piece of that is helping them come to terms and their family for that matter, come to terms with this idea that their life is ending. And one thing that social workers, chaplains, doctors, nurses can do with a patient of their family is called a life review. It's a series of structured questions that ask people to really review the important moments in their lives. What were their most important moments, what were their biggest triumphs, what were their biggest failures, Which relationships meant the most to them? And a big part of that too, we often ask is what are their regrets? And so this life review I found so beneficial in the dying and it helps people find this sense of peace. But I also realized when working with hospice, you know a lot of people ask me how do you have a good deaby, And so I often say, well, the best way to have a good death is to have a good life because we tend to die the way we lived, and so then the question becomes how to have a good life. And I was seeing so much benefit with this life review while people were dying. Why not start doing that earlier? Why aren't we doing this on a yearly basis? Why aren't we doing these life reviews and asking ourselves those big questions? And again, I especially like the regret question because I think it's a great place to start working on those purpose anchors.

So I first heard of a life review as a hospice medical director. And so I started hospice work because I was working with a lot of elderly and I was taking care of them at the end of life. And a hospicner said, hey, you're really good at this, maybe you should work with us. There's not a huge number of hospice doctors. I started working with them, and a lot of times you learn on your feet, especially doing things like this. And I would go to our weekly meetings and the social workers would keep on talking about, Okay, we performed a life review, etc. You know, the first time or two I've heard it, I didn't think much about it. But then I started asking questions, what is this life review and why do we do it? And so in hospice, we have a few main goals. It's not to prolong life. What it is is to make people comfortable, cover their pain, their nausea, make sure they're dying where they want to die, whether that's home, in a nursing home or justs of living. But another piece of that is helping them come to terms and their family for that matter, come to terms with this idea that their life is ending. And one thing that social workers, chaplains, doctors, nurses can do with a patient of their family is called a life review. It's a series of structured questions that ask people to really review the important moments in their lives. What were their most important moments, what were their biggest triumphs, what were their biggest failures, Which relationships meant the most to them? And a big part of that too, we often ask is what are their regrets? And so this life review I found so beneficial in the dying and it helps people find this sense of peace. But I also realized when working with hospice, you know a lot of people ask me how do you have a good deaby, And so I often say, well, the best way to have a good death is to have a good life because we tend to die the way we lived, and so then the question becomes how to have a good life. And I was seeing so much benefit with this life review while people were dying. Why not start doing that earlier? Why aren't we doing this on a yearly basis? Why aren't we doing these life reviews and asking ourselves those big questions? And again, I especially like the regret question because I think it's a great place to start working on those purpose anchors.

And so that's sort of tip number four. This idea of a life review. Tip number five is something we mentioned a little bit before, but I want to dig into a bit now, which is this idea of going back to childhood, like literally going back to your childhood room. When you go back to your childhood room, what do you see and what did it tell you about your little pea purpose?

And so that's sort of tip number four. This idea of a life review. Tip number five is something we mentioned a little bit before, but I want to dig into a bit now, which is this idea of going back to childhood, like literally going back to your childhood room. When you go back to your childhood room, what do you see and what did it tell you about your little pea purpose?

Oh my god. There was a mess of baseball cards in every way, shape or form. There were sports posters, There were trophies from Little League. There is probably a few notebooks of papers and pens because I started writing poetry when I was little. There were school books everywhere. Funny enough, there were the hints of what I would eventually become as an adult. I just didn't know it at the time. What there wasn't There wasn't pictures of famous doctors. There wasn't toy stethoscopes, Gray's Anatomy, that famous book was not on my bookshelf. Interestingly enough, there was almost nothing that reflected an interest in medicine, and so many things that suggested an interest in certain types of sports, in collecting and writing and communicating all of that. Was there just nothing about being a doctor.

Oh my god. There was a mess of baseball cards in every way, shape or form. There were sports posters, There were trophies from Little League. There is probably a few notebooks of papers and pens because I started writing poetry when I was little. There were school books everywhere. Funny enough, there were the hints of what I would eventually become as an adult. I just didn't know it at the time. What there wasn't There wasn't pictures of famous doctors. There wasn't toy stethoscopes, Gray's Anatomy, that famous book was not on my bookshelf. Interestingly enough, there was almost nothing that reflected an interest in medicine, and so many things that suggested an interest in certain types of sports, in collecting and writing and communicating all of that. Was there just nothing about being a doctor.

So you had baseball cards, piles of stuff, evidence of your writing, Noah's deethoscopes. What kind of hint is that giving you about your purpose?

So you had baseball cards, piles of stuff, evidence of your writing, Noah's deethoscopes. What kind of hint is that giving you about your purpose?

I was trying to co opt someone else's version of purpose, my father's, and because I had gone through this really traumatic thing and I needed as a kid to grasp on to something that made sense so I couldn't move forward. And so it really made sense that if I became a doctor like him, I would fix everything. But co opting his version of purpose didn't fit with who I was, And so all you had to do was look around that room to see who I was. But I really built a life around this purpose that wasn't mine, and I would submit that most of us do exactly that. Most of us grab onto some version of purpose that is suggested to us. There are a few really lucky people who don't, who realize what lights them up and pursue that path, but most of us pivot to becoming adults. We're told, okay, playtime is over. You were a kid then, but now you're becoming a young adult and it's time to get serious about school. It's time to pick one of those main careers that suggest success, that's going to provide for you economically. And I think all of us do that.

I was trying to co opt someone else's version of purpose, my father's, and because I had gone through this really traumatic thing and I needed as a kid to grasp on to something that made sense so I couldn't move forward. And so it really made sense that if I became a doctor like him, I would fix everything. But co opting his version of purpose didn't fit with who I was, And so all you had to do was look around that room to see who I was. But I really built a life around this purpose that wasn't mine, and I would submit that most of us do exactly that. Most of us grab onto some version of purpose that is suggested to us. There are a few really lucky people who don't, who realize what lights them up and pursue that path, but most of us pivot to becoming adults. We're told, okay, playtime is over. You were a kid then, but now you're becoming a young adult and it's time to get serious about school. It's time to pick one of those main careers that suggest success, that's going to provide for you economically. And I think all of us do that.

We just jump in and just forget all the stuff that was on our floor. And you've argued that if you look at your childhood room and there's lots of stuff all over the floor, then that's okay too. That gets us to tip number six, which is what you've called the spaghetti meth. What's the spaghetti method and why is it okay if lots of stuff comes up when you start looking for these small purposes.

We just jump in and just forget all the stuff that was on our floor. And you've argued that if you look at your childhood room and there's lots of stuff all over the floor, then that's okay too. That gets us to tip number six, which is what you've called the spaghetti meth. What's the spaghetti method and why is it okay if lots of stuff comes up when you start looking for these small purposes.

Well, here's the thing. When discussing a little peep purpose, I still get people resilient. They'll say, look, I've thought about regrets in the life review. That's not helping me. I've thought about the joys of childhood that's not helping me. I've looked at my job and there's nothing there that I love that's not helping me. And so if you are one of those people, if you were kind of resilient to finding these anchors, I think it behooves you to find the spaghetti method, which is you throw a bunch of things against the wall and see what sticks. You say yes to things you normally don't say yes to, You talk to people you normally don't talk to. You do things that maybe make you feel a little anxious or uncomfortable, and at the end of the day, you evaluate and say did that light me up? Yes or no? And if the answer is hey, I did find some joy in that, that might be the beginning of a purpose anchor.

Well, here's the thing. When discussing a little peep purpose, I still get people resilient. They'll say, look, I've thought about regrets in the life review. That's not helping me. I've thought about the joys of childhood that's not helping me. I've looked at my job and there's nothing there that I love that's not helping me. And so if you are one of those people, if you were kind of resilient to finding these anchors, I think it behooves you to find the spaghetti method, which is you throw a bunch of things against the wall and see what sticks. You say yes to things you normally don't say yes to, You talk to people you normally don't talk to. You do things that maybe make you feel a little anxious or uncomfortable, and at the end of the day, you evaluate and say did that light me up? Yes or no? And if the answer is hey, I did find some joy in that, that might be the beginning of a purpose anchor.

And so you kind of do use the spaghetti method and find all these possible purpose anchors by trying these new things. But you've also argued the flip side, which is like, we can't have little pea purpose in everything, especially if we are busy with all this stuff that's not giving us purpose. And that's what gets us to your final tip tip number seven, which might be a hard one for a lot of us. We need to embrace the art of subtraction. What's that?

And so you kind of do use the spaghetti method and find all these possible purpose anchors by trying these new things. But you've also argued the flip side, which is like, we can't have little pea purpose in everything, especially if we are busy with all this stuff that's not giving us purpose. And that's what gets us to your final tip tip number seven, which might be a hard one for a lot of us. We need to embrace the art of subtraction. What's that?

So I often talk about the workplace because this is a question I get all the time. They're like, look, I've got to do my nine to five. I don't love it, but I need to make money. You're saying, find your purpose. I feel stuck, like this is something that's not purposeful for me, but I've got to do it, and it is what it is. And so what I always tell people is do exactly what I did with being a doctor. I want you to list out the twenty things that are roles and responsibilities of your job, and I want you to take a sharp pencil and start scratching out everyone you don't like, everything you loathe, everything that's boring, et cetera. Most people when they do that will have one or two things left over. For me, it was hospice, medicine. And so the goal then is remember we said winning the game right is doing as much little peopleurpose possible and getting rid of as many things you loath as possible, washroots, repeat. So the goal then is I'm not going to get out of this job, but what levers are available to maybe do more than stuff I love in the job and do less of stuff I don't love. And so let me give you another example. I think about it this way. Let's say you work at a restaurant and you don't like working up front at the counter, and you spend ninety percent of your time doing that, But the one thing you do love is every Thursday morning you get to stock the stock room. It takes about two hours. You love writing things down, you love organizing, you love ordering. That's it. Well, maybe the person owns your restaurant owns four restaurants, and there's an employee who has to stock for each of those restaurants. And maybe so you go to your boss and say, you know what, I don't really love my time at the counter helping customers. Maybe you allow me to go to all of our different restaurants every day and I'll stock and do the stock room in each one of them. And therefore, what I've done is I've increased the time I'm doing something I like and decreased the time of doing something I don't like. And so you're starting to improve things. You're starting to improve that calendar, you're starting to win the game just a little bit. So if we can think about that month to month, year to year, how much change can we bring in and how many things can we subtract? How many joyful things can we add, and how can we improve those numbers? So ultimately, as we get older and older, we're doing more and more things that we love and less and less things that we loathe.