In our first "How To..." guide of 2025, Dr Laurie is asking how can we stop striving for perfection and make peace with the idea that it's ok to lead messy and "half-assed" lives. 

Oliver Burkeman (author of Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time For What Counts) explains how we can embrace imperfection and find liberation and joy in just doing our best. 

In our first "How To..." guide of 2025, Dr Laurie is asking how can we stop striving for perfection and make peace with the idea that it's ok to lead messy and "half-assed" lives.&nbsp;
Oliver Burkeman (author of&nbsp;<a href="https://www.oliverburkeman.com/">Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time For What Counts</a>) explains how we can embrace imperfection and find liberation and joy in just doing our best.&nbsp;

You might think you know what it takes to lead a happier life… more money, a better job, or Instagram-worthy vacations. You’re dead wrong. Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos has studied the science of happiness and found that many of us do the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. Based on the psychology course she teaches at Yale -- the most popular class in the university’s 300-year history -- Laurie will take you through the latest scientific research and share some surprising and inspiring stories that will change the way you think about happiness.

You might think you know what it takes to lead a happier life… more money, a better job, or Instagram-worthy vacations. You’re dead wrong. Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos has studied the science of happiness and found that many of us do the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. Based on the psychology course she teaches at Yale -- the most popular class in the university’s 300-year history -- Laurie will take you through the latest scientific research and share some surprising and inspiring stories that will change the way you think about happiness.

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

How To Embrace Imperfection

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/823779a5-ded4-465d-8501-b24a0113262d/transcript

Modern dating can feel exhausting. On one hand, there’s the seemingly endless swiping that leads to dating app burnout; on the other, there’s what can feel like the insurmountable challenge of meeting someone in real life.

But what if finding love is less about fate — and more about strategy? Dr. Laurie sits down with behavioral scientist and dating coach Tim Molnar, author of Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance, to explore what the research really says about how to meet the right person, build genuine connection, and avoid common dating mistakes.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance

“Receptivity to Sexual Invitations from Strangers of the Opposite Gender”

How to Bounce Back from Life’s Curveballs (with Dr. Maya Shankar)

“Computations of Uncertainty Mediate Acute Stress Responses in Humans”

“Implementation Intentions and Goal Achievement: A Meta-Analysis of Effects and Processes”

 “Forbes Health Survey: 78% Of All Users Report Dating App Burnout”

“Foot-in-the-Door Technique Using a Courtship Request”

“Getting Beyond Small Talk: Study Finds People Enjoy Deep Conversations with Strangers”

“Grammar Is Super Important to Online Dating Sites, So Try to Speak English Good”

“ Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study”

(00:02:17) Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance

Modern dating can feel exhausting. On one hand, there&rsquo;s the seemingly endless swiping that leads to dating app burnout; on the other, there&rsquo;s what can feel like the insurmountable challenge of meeting someone in real life.
But what if finding love is less about fate &mdash; and more about strategy? Dr. Laurie sits down with behavioral scientist and dating coach Tim Molnar, author of&nbsp;<a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/date-smarter-a-strategic-guide-to-navigating-modern-dating/id6748585700">Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance</a>, to explore what the research really says about&nbsp;how to meet the right person, build genuine connection, and avoid common dating mistakes.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
<a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/date-smarter-a-strategic-guide-to-navigating-modern-dating/id6748585700">Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance</a>
&ldquo;<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2010-21508-008">Receptivity to Sexual Invitations from Strangers of the Opposite Gender</a>&rdquo;
<a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-curveballs-with-dr-maya/id1474245040?i=1000743550019">How to Bounce Back from Life&rsquo;s Curveballs (with Dr. Maya Shankar)</a>
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms10996">Computations of Uncertainty Mediate Acute Stress Responses in Humans</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-19538-002">Implementation Intentions and Goal Achievement: A Meta-Analysis of Effects and Processes</a>&rdquo;
&nbsp;&ldquo;<a href="https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-app-fatigue/">Forbes Health Survey: 78% Of All Users Report Dating App Burnout</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19102478/">Foot-in-the-Door Technique Using a Courtship Request</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2021/09/deep-conversations-strangers">Getting Beyond Small Talk: Study Finds People Enjoy Deep Conversations with Strangers</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.mic.com/articles/137103/grammar-is-super-important-on-online-dating-sites-so-try-to-speak-english-good">Grammar Is Super Important to Online Dating Sites, So Try to Speak English Good</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32127048/"> Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study</a>&rdquo;
(00:02:17) <a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/date-smarter-a-strategic-guide-to-navigating-modern-dating/id6748585700">Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance</a>

How to Find "The One": The Science of Dating with Tim Molnar

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/8fd7b8a1-5fdc-4d71-b59e-b3f00181b95f/transcript

Most of us have people in our lives who love us — partners, friends, family — yet many of us still don’t feel as loved as we want to. Why is there such a gap between being loved and feeling loved? And what can we actually do about it?

Dr. Laurie sits down with social psychologists Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis, co-authors of How to Feel Loved, to unpack the science behind this disconnect. They explain why feeling loved so often eludes us — even in close relationships — and share research-backed insights that can help us change the conversation, strengthen our connections, and feel more loved both now and in the relationships we build in the future.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most

"Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community"

"Social Ties and Susceptibility to the Common Cold"

"Toward Understanding Understanding: The Importance of Feeling Understood in Relationships"

"How to Get Through Hard Times: Principals' Listening Buffers Teachers' Stress on Turnover Intention and Promotes Organizational Citizenship Behavior"

How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls

"Self-Expansion Theory: Origins, Current Evidence, and Future Horizons"

"Do Unto Others or Treat Yourself? The Effects of Prosocial and Self-Focused Behavior on Psychological Flourishing"

"Everyday Prosociality in the Workplace: The Reinforcing Benefits of Giving, Getting, and Glimpsing"

"Kindness Counts: Prompting Prosocial Behavior in Preadolescents Boosts Peer Acceptance and Well-Being"

"The Genomic Impact of Kindness to Self vs. Others: A Randomized Controlled Trial"

Most of us have people in our lives who love us &mdash; partners, friends, family &mdash; yet many of us still don&rsquo;t feel as loved as we want to. Why is there such a gap between being loved and feeling loved? And what can we actually do about it?
Dr. Laurie sits down with social psychologists Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis, co-authors of <a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/how-to-feel-loved/id6745731712">How to Feel Loved</a>, to unpack the science behind this disconnect. They explain why feeling loved so often eludes us &mdash; even in close relationships &mdash; and share research-backed insights that can help us change the conversation, strengthen our connections, and feel more loved both now and in the relationships we build in the future.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
<a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/how-to-feel-loved/id6745731712">How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most</a>
"<a href="https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf">Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General&rsquo;s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community</a>"
"<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9200634/">Social Ties and Susceptibility to the Common Cold</a>"
"<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-10961-003">Toward Understanding Understanding: The Importance of Feeling Understood in Relationships</a>"
"<a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9362686/">How to Get Through Hard Times: Principals' Listening Buffers Teachers' Stress on Turnover Intention and Promotes Organizational Citizenship Behavior</a>"
<a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/id1595609149">How to Win Friends and Influence People</a>
<a href="https://books.apple.com/lv/book/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-for-teen-girls/id381853375">How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls</a>
"<a href="https://compass.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/spc3.70082">Self-Expansion Theory: Origins, Current Evidence, and Future Horizons</a>"
"<a href="https://sonjalyubomirsky.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Nelson-Layous-Cole-Lyubomirsky-2016.pdf">Do Unto Others or Treat Yourself? The Effects of Prosocial and Self-Focused Behavior on Psychological Flourishing</a>"
"<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28581323/">Everyday Prosociality in the Workplace: The Reinforcing Benefits of Giving, Getting, and Glimpsing</a>"
"<a href="https://sonjalyubomirsky.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Layous-et-al.-2012.pdf">Kindness Counts: Prompting Prosocial Behavior in Preadolescents Boosts Peer Acceptance and Well-Being</a>"
"<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35905861/">The Genomic Impact of Kindness to Self vs. Others: A Randomized Controlled Trial</a>"

How to Feel Truly Loved (with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/e530741d-3631-4bb3-8982-b3e90147e693/transcript

What does it mean to live a meaningful life? How do you find direction when you feel stuck or you’re unsure about your purpose? Dave Evans and Bill Burnett, co-founders of the Stanford Life Design Lab and authors of How to Live a Meaningful Life join Dr. Laurie to challenge our assumptions about where meaning really comes from. They share practical strategies from the world of design thinking to create a more purposeful and fulfilling life while making the most of your current circumstances.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life

How to Live a Meaningful Life: Using Design Thinking to Unlock Purpose, Joy, and Flow Every Day

Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are

"Overly Shallow?: Miscalibrated Expectations Create a Barrier to Deeper Conversation"

What does it mean to live a meaningful life? How do you find direction when you feel stuck or you&rsquo;re unsure about your purpose? Dave Evans and Bill Burnett, co-founders of the Stanford Life Design Lab and authors of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/How-Live-Meaningful-Life-Thinking/dp/1668084899">How to Live a Meaningful Life</a> join Dr. Laurie to challenge our assumptions about where meaning really comes from. They share practical strategies from the world of design thinking to create a more purposeful and fulfilling life while making the most of your current circumstances.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Designing-Your-Life-Well-Lived-Joyful/dp/1101875321/ref=sr_1_1?adgrpid=186468607116&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.QxCsh0-mkd76Quzh0NkJQ6jBNzoUIB5nbGdvE03EzEDo_9rCaFD2Mx1jATpSrhYjWo5XJI-RwoUt94k8ncl1VFi8NysakeegJGnJtAFckPRjsD8Hpjpe_7VJ-hBzt1iAp3Nr0kI4WpCtdGLZ9LV_1Zok2JOpbMbIVR1HdsyxDjumAPn-CPcs06Qdfj1sj-W0gTog13YbgCdmlLjDghMss4JxUoqLUpt5dvAEI5whBvQ.foSBkvPI3KobgF8kryfmfSCMTzuVHLpmGRMbs3v8M5Q&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;hvadid=792743001533&amp;hvdev=c&amp;hvexpln=0&amp;hvlocphy=9004400&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvocijid=3232145671337798699--&amp;hvqmt=e&amp;hvrand=3232145671337798699&amp;hvtargid=kwd-361420157037&amp;hydadcr=21860_13695409_2458594&amp;keywords=design+your+life&amp;mcid=1bed389dd8b53eb3aaa3d0bbc22afbe1&amp;qid=1769799471&amp;sr=8-1">Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life</a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/How-Live-Meaningful-Life-Thinking/dp/1668084899">How to Live a Meaningful Life: Using Design Thinking to Unlock Purpose, Joy, and Flow Every Day</a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202">Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience</a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Developing-Mind-Third-Relationships-Interact/dp/1462542751/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.YLDde29j-rthu_dg8bzFRHewpY6H12VdHcwoOQpVDZXsY7HbmOw1_dNyFkaeonX1HOBjr4RCvlGgdByQzbvf3BAMHLqEpHSxZ5avHRgqfuJLQdo6g8kznPYNcF-dT81rmX0-vdyp_Mt_w0aIfDeOFgkmaee-PD1Xwh9XTVFVJcT8Y9MdHrioAAZhCFnXB_-3aIc7IG-Xc8UO4fdU4oqImQ.00yX-_feGRTbROHMvddV-2yADBsfMCdesMl3aPRL3L4&amp;qid=1769799689&amp;sr=1-1">The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are</a>
"<a href="https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-pspa0000281.pdf">Overly Shallow?: Miscalibrated Expectations Create a Barrier to Deeper Conversation</a>"

How to Design a More Meaningful Life (with Dave Evans and Bill Burnett)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/262960b2-3798-4ca0-8670-b3e400f3ccfd/transcript

How To Embrace Imperfection

In 1 playlist(s)

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Social links

Follow podcast

Recent clips