Explicit

12 Steps of Christmas - Act 2

Published Dec 19, 2023, 3:48 PM

12 STEPS OF CHRISTMAS — a filthy Christmas comedy. When a rebellious kid is denied his dream Christmas present by his mom, he goes to his estranged alcoholic father (who lies about being sober) with an idea: adapt the 12-step program to teach me how to not be you.

Act 2 - Continuing...  Jake’s “rehab” with an amended 12-step list, Carl drags his son to a Mexican A.A. meeting. Unexpected revelations lead to a reckoning and new goals for each: Carl drink-y no mas and Jake giving his mom Ashley “one nice day.”

When Jake’s next Step, “Believe in the motherfuckin’ Spirit of Christmas,” instead leads to the destruction of trust, reputation, and public property, Jake finds himself fighting with both parents—and on the run.

Pitch – When 13-year-old Jake’s fed-up mother tells him he won’t get the cell phone he absolutely NEEDS this Christmas, he goes to the only other person who ever pissed her off as much as he seems to: his estranged alcoholic father, Carl. Jake’s plea: adapt the 12 Step program to teach me how to not be you.

Will Jake find out that Carl’s sobriety is secretly a bunch of humbug?Can this fuck-up father teach this fuck-up son how to be less of a fuck-up—all in time for Christmas?


Join two of the least qualified people in the world as they stumble into lessons of empathy and personal responsibility—and believing in the motherfuckin’ spirit of Christmas.

Act two logline Twelve Steps of Christmas, a filthy Christmas comedy.

One of rebellious kids.

Denied his dream Christmas present by his mom, he goes to his estranged alcoholic father, who lies about being sober with an idea adapt the twelve step program to teach me how not to be you. In Act one, we learned Jake is afraid he can't change. We also learned that his father, Carl sobriety is the non existent kind that features a handle of that sweet sweet daily hitch. Adapting the twelve steps from a recovery he did not achieve and from a program he did not complete, Carl uses negative credentials to create an adapted Christmas theme list to help Jake reform his own aggressive behaviors. We ended with Jake being humiliated and beaten by a giant hen, yet somehow also completing step two and three. Can Jake complete more or can he somehow learn something from such a fuck up father? We're uncertain, So text your sponsor and fill a cup with.

Two perfectized cubes and Canadian rye.

Why don't you know it swirls differently against the cubes, clouding ever so slightly.

Oh God had more to taste or tolerance.

Hmm oh yeah, mamma, that's the stuff, and join me and USh for K two as two of the least qualified people in the world try to stumble into lessons of empathy and personal responds ability.

Interior, redepartment, bathroom day, Jake inspects his black eye and smashed nose in the mirror. He checks it from different angles. There's no hiding this thing. Kitchen Jake goes through the mail. He opens an envelope and smiles of the picture of the card, the perfect inviting Christmas Home. He fist pumps when a check falls out. Moments later, Jake gazes at the picture of the house phone to hear.

Just wanted to say thanks for the money and everything. So thanks.

Intercut with interior department Store a night. Grandma sixties, a woman who can be described as handsome, pushes her cart down the nile of holiday decorations.

Well, I hope you get yourself something nice you want.

Grandma reaches for a figure of adolescent Jesus and is often ignored awkward teenage years, but a stressed mom thirty five grabs the last one while her screaming child.

Four has a tantrum.

How are you? Is your mother there? Take a wild guess she's at work?

Your mother?

Honestly, I don't know what to do. I'll pray to the Lord for you both every night.

Grandma sees mom distracted and swipes Jesus from her cart.

I'm always here, okay, I know. I think I'll hear the door.

I gotta go.

Thanks, love you close on awkward adolescent Jesus lands in Grandma's cart. Interior redepartment kitchen day, Ashley enters home from work.

Hi, sweetie, ooh mail anything for me besides preapproved credit they won't approve.

Ashley sees Jake and the fridge seemingly ignoring her.

Not even a hello. I'm the one who should still be mad here, not you.

I just never took the time to read and appreciate this stuff. Did you know this cran raspberry flavored juice cocktail is a refreshing way to get the new tree you need for an active lifestyle.

You won't even look at me.

Jake emerges, but hides his face behind a jug of juice.

We have five percent juice from concentrate for optimum taste and vibrant color. Water in a high frutos corn zerup. Two faces bottled in Battle Creek, Michigan.

Stop acting like this, talk to me.

Ashley lowers the juice, exposing Jake's beat up face.

Jesus, what happens to your face?

There were these really big hands, like heavy ones, way up on a shelf.

He fell on you.

I volunteer to get him down, and.

Yeah, damn, you're really getting into volunteering.

Let me get some ice.

Ashley opens the freezer. A lie worked, but Jake feels bad. Interior Carl's apartment, living room day. Carl watches from the couch as this parole officer Jordan, fifty's dour wears heavy overcoat, studies three small plush Christmas elves on the windowsill.

These elves look demented.

The wife and kid gave me one every year, sort of lost.

The others, and that figures this will be my first Christmas without my wife.

You know same here.

I know that difference is I don't see mine because of some unpronounceable cancer. You don't see yours because you're a continuabal fuck up. You, Karl, are your own cancer.

Jordan clicks his pen and makes notes next to a checklist.

Let's see who's been naughty or nice? So you're all alone this year?

Nah, I got family, nieces, nephews, whatever, that's good. No, they insisted, I'm being suffocated by the goddamn Christmas spirit.

I've been worried about you, your man, since your wife, you haven't been your normal buoyant self.

You've known me to be buoyant. No, no, always very grave, but differently so. Jordan looks up from his report. You don't need a list to see how bad this place is. You just need eyes.

Jordan is knocked back by something he smells.

And a nose. What the hell's that smell? Is it better if I know what it is or don't know whether it is? Look around?

Would you treat someone you care about as badly as you treat yourself?

Carl shrugs.

The answer is beyond me as well. So guess what You're going to a meeting? Go figure something out. But I've tried all that dumb shit. Reminder, I'm the one who decides your value to society.

Don't fuck with me, Carl is shook.

Jordan throws a copy of a report at him.

You say it's dumb, but I noted, you're just scared. You better find a way to get over that fear.

Carl thinks about how. Hours later, Carl sits on the couch, fidgeting nervously, looking back and forth between the door and the drink in his hand.

You know, I was hoping for a bit of that liquid courage you advertise.

Carl drinks, he looks at the door.

Is this like a self interest thing instead of getting up the nerve? You frame my nerves so bad, I'm too weak and afraid to go all at once.

Carl stands, aces his drink and heads out the door, grabbing his elf coat off a chair on the way. Interior, redepartment living room night. Ashley comes home, carrying a pizza and looking exhausted.

I'm back from the breakdancing finals. I didn't win, but it was a valuable experience. I think my popping is excellent. Lock in these work.

Jake greets her wearing a Christmas sweater, hair combed and offering eggnog. It's his best impression of a good kid. Some delicious nog.

Wow, so hopeful and did you bathe? I know a mother's love is supposed to be unconditional, but I think I like you more right now.

Later kitchen, Jake and Ashley sit sharing the pizza.

Hope you weren't too hungry.

I feel like other homes are full of pies, fresh baked cookies, whatever a Yule log is, and a Christmas pheasant.

Maybe this food in this home is as good as any other, even if that home is in southern Delaware.

Ashley laughs, but the moment is ruined when the phone rings. She answers, and Jake watches her. Good mood turn sour as she shoots in the stern look. She covers the phone.

It's mister Elfman. Did you blow off the food drive just to hang around the house. Very not cool, Jake. People starve so you can eat pizza. Take some cans with you.

Jake knows what's going on here, and he's royally pissed. Interior Officina in Tegrupal, Hispana night, Jake and Carl join Hispanic alcoholics sitting in folding chairs while children race around the room.

What the hell are we doing at a Mexican AA meeting?

Do this next thing and you'll be done with steps four and five and six and even seven. That's two birds with one stone and then two more again, dead birds all round.

Fuck them.

I really needed to light a mom for this. She finally seemed okay. Now she's back in crazy bitch mood.

You're too hard on her. That's why you need to be here. Step four name ways, you're a flawed fucker, emphasizing times you've been crazy, fuckeratic, dumb, fuck, erroneous or violent fuckeruptive.

Kids don't deal with such crazy bullshit. It just doesn't happen with other moms. It's only her, that's all I know.

Carl spots Angel on his way to the front and gives a wave.

That's your mog, colleague Santo's clause. If I'm not mistaken, I asked.

Papa Noel to share some of his stories so you can see something. Your mom isn't as messed up as you think, because the world isn't as pure as you think.

The group claps as Angel gets behind the lectern.

I'm not gonna understand him anyway, It's okay.

He said. His niece agreed to translate. Angel whistles over to the children.

Maria Maria Mata key, Maria ten, the most darling little kid ever, hustles over seet be on head. Maria smiles super excited. Jake is still on edge. Series of shots, Maria translates Angel's story. As Maria translates for Angel, she playfully acts out what she says. Her vivid language and dicktion is very startling. Maria listens, then pretends to steal something.

Wow, Guanolas is down being malen ratch oleando tolo.

When things were bad, I was a real boozhound sniffing out vulnerable bodegas all over town.

Maria listens, then pretends to whisper a.

Lie lemnie to monto lemni men tira man tira.

Lem mo.

I lied to everyone.

My lies led to more lies. I even lied to myself about how I felt about things.

You ever guilty of that? I want to hear some character flaws. By the end, Jake doesn't look up for it.

Maria listens, then pretends to fight me.

Boys the lat.

Then he has sangris los manos suns understanding understone pedaueno masculs last yees see if let pegge no Filipino.

My bag of cans was stolen by a Filipino man named Lou. I snapped blacked out because of rage and discount gin when I can. When I came to, there was blood on my hands. My cans were gone, but there were seventy dollars in my pocket, far more than what the cans were worth, but roughly the street value of an unlucky Filipino corpse.

Real listens, gun Gi rates awkwardly.

Oh you doing me? Oh we can we you're doing me?

In the lavasa, they have kinda they bought now kay me Marta, I conceive.

My baby daughter in a porn store dumpster.

Maria listens, then pretends to be a kiddy, licks her paw, make come Gato, well, I.

Ate a cat spie.

Maria listens, then squats and strains her face.

Make again and the picture's mound and love Lilis Kira, Make again.

I pooped on the leeward side of a picture's mount.

Maria listens, then translates Angel's closing.

Remarks, betosim Bremnaia coopera solo me familia stachi.

Let's get.

They tell us that no one recovers in isolation. My family is there for me.

Thank you. Karl is deeply affected by these words. As the group collaps. You just saw step five right there. Have the integrity to own your shit.

Otherwise head to the lube imporium because it's just pointless moral masturbation aka, don't be a bitch.

Jake feels put on the spot.

This isn't fair. I don't see what some crazy drunk has to do with me.

You seriously can't own one weakness?

What about you? You're nothing but weakness. I'm the sad one.

You can't keep going until you grow some balls and name some false.

I don't care about you and your stupid doctor's who sounding steps. How am I supposed to learn something from someone who's more affed up than me?

Carl considers slowly nods as he realizes his move.

I'll show you.

Jake is surprised when Carl answers with action. Carl stands, hands the notebook to Jake and heads to the front.

PLA me nombre is.

Carl, I really don't know where to start. Hey, that's one good thing about drinking. You don't even remember a lot of bad shit. Yeah, not funny. I want to talk about step six and seven.

Jake sees his father struggling.

When someone's always upset with you, you protect yourself and think no there's got to be something majorly wrong with them. It's the most selfish, dickhead thing you can do, especially to family, your wife, your mom, anyone you love.

Jake sees himself in this looks down, ashamed, and that's where these two steps come in and ask do you believe someone can change?

Because if you don't, there's no point. Just stop.

Sorry, this is my first time up here. I couldn't do it before. I guess that's proof of small change. No, actually, I couldn't do anything before. Finishing one step was impossible, let alone twelve, I said I did.

But Jake leaves the notebook and heads for the exit.

I thought I could fix things now if I told a small lie about back then.

Jake begins to run as he bursts through the doors outside exterior Officina in Tregupal, Espana, day. Carl exits to see Jake jump on the bike and ride away. Wait fuck, Carl runs after him, notepick in hand. Exterior town Street's day. Jake pedals as fast as he can, but the busted front wheel keeps Carl within shouting distance.

Jake, I'm sorry you lie to us.

You're exactly the.

Same, Jake, picks up speed on a hill and begins to pull away until the faulty wheel buckles and he goes.

Flying, landing hard.

Carl races over, but Jake pushes away any aid or comfort.

Buck off loser.

They sit collecting their breath and their thoughts.

So you don't care about anything if you just get drunk all the time.

When I drink, I don't get drunk. I get normal, then I get drunk.

Staying normal makes you drunk. That doesn't make sense.

Sometimes you drink just to forget your drinking. None of it makes sense.

Jake is absorbing this when he notices something on his bike. You guys spelled healthy wrong. Also mountain. Good job kneeling black though.

Yeah, that'd be me. It was my job to stens ale the words. I was a bit too sloshed for more than that.

Momspray painted.

Yeah, we actually ran out of paint Christmas. Even your mother runs into the night and somehow insanely she returns with cans from where she wouldn't say, but the next morning I noticed your bike had the same color schemes.

The robes of Mary and Joseph next door.

The Nativity scene, mom stoles spray paint from the neighbors.

Jake libs over picks up his bike to assess the damage.

Unstealing them was actually way harder. Ended up mailing him back.

Can you do that?

Male?

Aerosol cans No, No, that would be her second felony of the story.

She really wanted you to have that bike.

Jake on twists bent handlebars to find a detached brake line.

Some of what you set up bear sun it right, Like when you said you're a selfish dickhead.

I'm glad that landed the part about me being terrible.

No, because I've been like that too, like I with Mo.

Yeah, you don't become better if you're chasing some phone bullshit.

It could be called selfish decay behavior.

Jake looks up to see Carl holding a pen up to step four.

So I'm hearing you say you were wrong about something.

Yeah, for sure.

Carl crosses off step four, puts the pen to step five, and you're owning it.

Jay, screw the sout. I just got to get right with mom.

Carl crosses off step five.

So are we still doing this?

Jake nods, but when Carl goes in for a hug, Jake stops him.

But there's a condition. If you're gonna help me, you got to let me help you.

Jake pulls a liquor bottle from Carl's jacket pours it out.

God, it pains me to watch that. You have a deal.

Jake moves to good Carl a big hug, but hold on. Carl pulls a half pint from his sock tosses it into the woods. Again, Jake moves to give Carl a big hug, but one more. Carl pulls a tequila Minnie from the fold of his elf hat. Again, Jake moves to give Carl a big hug, but almost done, Carl pulls yet another Mini from inside the other sock.

Sort of losing the impulse to hug you here.

That's it, I'm unarmed.

Carl opens his arms, defenseless, boozeless.

They hug.

Interior Redepartment living Room, day Jack decorates the tree, looks Jesus, I'm a big Jack Nicholson fan. Interior Redepartment living Room day Jake decorates the tree, looks over at Ashley.

I'm almost done over here, you're gonna do your side.

Ashley's half is barely touched. She sits depressed and detached.

It worries Jake.

I think we still have enough time, like before Grandma comes. If that's what's wrong, I just.

Haven't been able to sleep, even though I'm exhausted. I only have a few hours before I leave.

Your schedule's nuts.

Covering somebody else's shift.

She helped me out a few days ago when I needed to leave, so oh when you had to.

Pick me up.

It's a full so I'll be back around two or three.

Ashley's depression makes her hard to read. Interior Carl's apartment living room night, Jake Don's the higher Elf hat. Carl is sprawled out on the couch in a cold sweat.

These withdrawals are hell.

Higher elf commands, sit.

Up forget me focus on your mom.

You said six and seven are about believing a person can change. I'm only asking you for one amends to prove it to me. Shouldn't you already have a listen here?

Oh, here we go.

Carl shoots up and lunges for Jake, but he plays.

Keep awake immense compensate Tahitian whr Nahmi repay Alex for whiskey horrors.

I think at the top of fifty three, you might have said, repay Alex or whiskey horrors, and it's horrors.

So if we can just get that case hoors.

Yeah, yeah, repay Alex for whiskey horrors.

Apologize to the Polish community of East Saint Louis.

Carl yanks the notebook away and looks at his old list.

Apologize to Ronnie because of that thing with his sister.

Most of these are expired.

If I can't make excuses, neither can you.

Do you think they want that me busting in while they decorate the tree? Hey, ron haven't seen you in a decorated decorate. Do you think they want that me busting in while they decorate the tree? Hey, ron I haven't seen you in a decade. Sorry about that thing with your sister, Man, you should have seen the list she ended up on.

No one needs that.

How about this? Why do you have to go to jail?

Carl doesn't want to answer, but needs to.

Telecommunications fraud tell ACoM fraud as we call it in the.

Streets, seriously like robocoals.

Yeah, but I wasn't swindling old ladies out of their tithing money. I only hit bad people and my scams were all fake.

Carl takes off his shirt to wipe flop sweat off his face.

I'd think of the most despicable shit, I could really repulsive stuff, and then I'd offer a chance to get in on the action.

You can't even call them victims. That's bool.

What could be so bad?

Not see gold do anything for you?

That's the one I got busted for gold Boo Leon exchange traded funds invest now for huge guaranteed returns. Oh and they also got a free boat.

Why the boat?

Always offer a boat? People love modes.

Carl chugs water, painfully battling his withdrawal.

Uh.

My po thinks there was more than one scam, but he can't prove it.

It drives him crazy. I just never left any evidence.

How'd you get caught there?

One night I was drunk, I fucked up somehow.

Instead of having a nice wide range like always, all calls went local. A couple of thousand towns people got an identical call about Himmler and the ultra low four percent premium on wartime loot.

Just like a Cayman Islands think no, it's too obvious.

They expect an offshort count instead, do the opposite. Licktionin, boy, instead do the opposite Liechtenstein enclosed by an entire continent on all sides.

I got a guy there.

Carl picks up a shirt and smells it, throws an old cold forty five tea with Billy D Williams promising it works every time.

I'm not sure we found our amends yet.

Start small, my disciple, What do you do with all the money?

Carl doesn't want to say, but.

Exterior Abes Liquor Locker Bar night, Jake and Carl stand in front of a dive bar. Carl doesn't wear his Santa hat or beard.

Wow, you blew it all at a place called Abe's Liquor Locker.

A lot of memories here.

They're all blank, but I recall there were a lot of them.

Carl opens the door, but stops Jake from following.

Considering the tidbits I do remember, you should probably wait outside.

No way, I'm your sponsor here.

Sure enough, Carl holds the door, but Jake stops to question him.

By the way, no beard, no hat.

Oh the people around here used to seeing me all scraggly, never clean shaven like now.

It'll totally throw them. Oh and this.

Carl slaps on a yamaka, who's that smooth jew?

Ain't Carl, that's for sure.

Carl follows Jake inside interior Abe's liquor locker bar night. It's dark and smells like stale beer, drunk barfly. Mike looks just like Carl in fifteen years calls over, Hey, hey, hey, Carl, what's up?

Man?

Hey, hey, my man, what's good? How's that shit with your landlord going?

Mike groan so drunk he struggles to keep his head up.

Mike, Hey, mikeie, he's a shy, he's an introvert.

Jake is alarmed to see Carl's Natural Environment owner and operator Abe seventy folks Hee seen it all is behind the bar melting last night's ice.

Well. When he notices Carl.

Carl, good to see you, my friend. Oh look at you? You look like hell. You do seem far more upright than normal, less surly perhaps seventh and coke. Sorry, it's last night's ice, but I'm guessing you don't mind terribly.

Carl's reflects is strong, but he looks at Jake and resists.

Thanks, but no, and it's not the ice. Abe is puzzled, then notices Jake, Hey, what's with a kid? He can't be it here?

I mentor him big brother type thing, one of those deals for kids without a father. I can't imagine you'd be much improvement. And he didn't know what they were doing. I've turned over a new leaf since Wednesday.

Yes, Wednesday, it was a pivotal hump day.

A lot can happen on a Wednesday. You don't even remember, do you? Carl does not.

And that drink looks really good.

Well, you challenged each person in the place, shouted that they were wasting their lives drinking it away. As such, I'm the only one willing to fight for more. You kept yelling that you really wanted to fight someone. You were swinging like a madman.

Well that's sort of why I'm here. I want to apologize for stuff. I'm not sure.

How I've watched you for years now. I swear to God, you pick fights just to lose them.

Carl motions for Abe to shut up in front of Jake.

Hey, that's right, you're a real asshole. I remember now. You're a real and a real piece of shit.

Carl turns to find a resurgent mikey inches from his face.

And I'm sorry if we fought I this is your old man.

Jake blows their cover to defend his dad.

Yeah, and what if he is, Well, he's a real asshole.

He's a real and a real a real piece of shit.

Yeah, and he's a bitch and worthless. He's a punk ass drunk.

Sounds exactly right. Actually, even he knows you're a fuck dodge.

That's not all. He's scraggly. He drinks away the bad and the good. He can barely stand straight most of the time. What else, no friends, has a meaningless life right, and smells like drippy farts.

Fuck, yeah, exactly.

The thing is he's changed now, tell them.

Well, shit, things are different now. Yeah, I mean I'm sober now.

He was shocked.

Mike is defensive. Uh you you think you're better than me?

Fucking sober, You're not better than me.

We're the same, so don't fucking forget it.

The same.

So he's just like you, and you just described all the ways he was a total loser.

Mike is twisted around.

He was like that, And to be honest, I literally just started describing you.

That's how bad he was as bad as being you.

Before anyone reacts, Abe slides Carl's drink down the bar.

Oh, mikey, you weren't even here that night.

Go drink that. Shut the hell up.

Mike SLINKs away, collapses back onto a bar stool.

So you said you want to apologize, but I don't know how. Try this.

Just say it. Tell me you're sorry, then what for? Okay?

Sorry for being a flake or an asshole and whatever else? On and off for much of the past.

Decade, make direct amends, to which people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Not as easy as it sounds.

Twenty years sober, seriously, but amend's more than just words.

You got to stick to shit. So get the fuck out.

Happy to see you go, Harry Christmas.

Carl appreciates the moment. He and Jake head out.

Oh you're Jewish now too?

When did that happen? I told you it was the hell of a Wednesday?

Man?

Why am Abe watches them go interior Carl's apartment living room night. Carl is altering his elf jacket, tailoring it and cutting off frills. Jake sits racking his brain you need the mother of all amends.

What do you do for the woman who carried you around inside her for nine months and then all that other stuff?

Since? How is she?

She's been super depressed before she was totally freaking out about impressing Grandma.

Now it's like she doesn't care.

Does she ever just tell you what would make her happy?

You don't talk much. She's at work, or she's mad at me because I ruined another.

Day, Jake reflects, before having a light bulb moment. That's it.

She always wishes for it out loud. I just wish I could have one nice day.

Jake stands, excited. Carl completes it.

One nice day where nothing goes wrong and no one gets upset.

It sounds so easy, but we always fuck it up. This is true, This will be different. I'll give her one nice day tomorrow on Christmas Eve.

Jake deflates and sits back down.

How the ef am I going to do that?

What does she yell at you for? She's probably directly letting you know what she wants.

Huh.

That never occurred to me before. It's a lot of small things. I guess you think that stuff matters. What do you think, yeah, maybe a lot. Actually, I can start super early.

After she leaves for work, they share an awkward moment wondering the same thing.

I guess I won't need this snazzy jacket now.

No, I can still come over. It won't take all day if I'm fast. We still have steps to finish, right, of course we do. You're still super fucked up, right.

Jake nods as serious, of course, before laughing. Interior, Red apartment kitchen morning. Jake enters while Ashley runs through her morning routine.

You're up early.

Christmas Eve, biggest day on the Christmas food Drive calendar.

I'll see you later tonight.

Dinner with Grandma is going to be late, so grab a snack or something, okay, Mom?

Ashley heads out. Jake springs into action. Montage. Jake gives Mom one nice day and Carl struggles. Jake at home, using Ashley's to do list from the car, he cleans everything using all the products Ashley bought. He changes the sheets poorly, does laundry also poorly. He launches into decorating the hell out of the place. He sees one item remains Baby Jesus Christ. He stands in front of the neighbor's nativity scene. Mary and Joseph are indeed enrobed in the same colors as his bike. He steals Baby Jesus from the manger and replaces him with a red Sox Era David Wells Bobblehead.

Carl's apartment.

Carl opens Deal with Cravings on his Addictionary recovery phone app follows the list of uncarl like recommendations.

Eat healthy.

He throws out all his food, order something healthy, one bite and he gags, tosses it and orders pizza. Learn a hobby. He finds a guitar and smiles. Loads yengwee, I'm sorry. How do you say sorry? Yingwey mom Stein loads Yungway Momstein. Ray Master Series Instructional VHS epically fails to follow the poodle haired swede in purple blouse Meditate.

He tries to focus with eyes closed.

But there's a game on TV, then a sell alert from Hornhobb, then a call. He watches TV next to a now broken guitar.

Talk to a loved one. He thinks a moment man skips it.

He closes the app and checks his porn Hub alert instead. Jake's apartment. Jake sits with broken pieces of the ceramic Santa statue. With a determined look, he unscrews a tube of superglue. He has some success with his painstaking reconstruction, but it collapses over and over and over it breaks into pieces. He's blitz by aggravation and he wants to erupt, but he gathers himself and begins again every time. Interior Carl's Apartment, living Room Day, Jordan enters to find an organized, spotless apartment.

This is different. This place actually.

Looks habitable, no praiseworthy even we'll see, not exactly the response of his expecting expect less.

Carl trails Jordan around as he makes his appraisal.

I'm glad you have family visiting. They can teaching the true meaning of Christmas. Prickly pair ha bullshit bah, humbug, that's you. You're just like Scrooge. What you said humbug. Literally, the translation for the word humbug is bullshit.

Ah. The family dragged me to Steven's Park yesterday. I despise that place, and with them around, I feel guilty about it. I feel wicked, like it's a crime for me to hate Christmas. Cheer Steven's Park What a great idea. Couldn't you feel how excited the kids were some vicarious mirth. You have no idea how jolly they get. It's absolutely crushing me. Used to be just me and Carol. You know she loved Christmas.

No, hell no, she hated Christmas more than me. Oh God, who's heaving? We would just be together aggressively, not celebrating.

Carl still tails Jordan hopefully and proud of his apartment and sees Carl's cut up, self tailored elf jacket.

What happened there? Carl shrinks? Search us for a lie, you know, fashion and stuff, new look for today's modern elf. That's so still have the job or you just walk out again?

No response, Carl, How the hell can you be so self serving and so self destructive all at once?

Jordan marks the list and tosses Carl's copy on the floor for your records. Humbug exterior Stephen's Park entrance night, Jake and Carl approach the holiday excitement of the big annual Stephens Park Christmas Festival.

Welcome to step two.

But instead of finding the Holy Spirit, your step is believe in the motherfucking Spirit of Christmas.

Stevens Park. I've hated this place since I was a kid. Didn't feel the spirit then? Really that I will still.

Jake follows as Carl heads in exterior Stephens Park. Inside night a big celebration. The park is full of lights, music and kiddie rides.

The whole town is there.

In World War One, the Western Front suddenly went silent, no guns firing, no death. Why the Germans began decorating their trench with candles and wishing the English and Merry Christmas. The Brits sang back the first no Well, the crowds performed silent night. Enemy soldiers emerged, met no man's land to drink and celebrate.

Carl loves this story. Jake has heard him tell it before.

That's the Christmas Truce of nineteen fourteen, spontaneously springing up from nothing but death, mustard, gas and trench foot So if you can't feel the christ Smith's spirit in this place, and I have truly failed.

Ticket girl seventeen, working the entrance, stops Carl.

Sir, we ask that you take off the Senna hat, but you don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

She points to a sign. Santa's hat is one of many forbidden Christmas symbols. Then she points to a banner above secular Winter Solstice celebration. Carl takes off his hat as he realizes they totally stripped away Christmas. No red and green, no elves, no Rudolph volunteers wear shirts with the pagan moon goddess on them.

What they do to the Christmas magic?

Carl is incredulous. He swigs on a bottle of soda he carries.

I guess they're sort of with me on the whole spirit thing.

Carl is in denial. He spots a bake sale and rushes over whatever.

Who needs decorations?

A bake sale is chalk full of Christmas spirit, but no nuts, gluten or sugar. What the hell's left after that?

A more nourishing alternative, that's what?

No, No, this should be chocolate chips, snowball and sugar cookies. Damn it, the loud and proud cookies that don't hide what they're about.

You got healthier snacks now because of childhood obesity.

But isn't that just fat shaming?

I honestly we track of these things.

This made Carl steps away and drinks his soda in a way that makes us suspect the truth.

It's half liquor.

Relax, you're just on edge because you're not drinking.

No, this is important. You don't get it.

I remember it coming before I get it.

No, No, every Christmas is new and totally unique. The whole season is a big reset. There's nothing else like it. That's the Christmas spirit. It's about hope. Carl can barely handle it. He is chugging more soda and he spots in the shadows.

A spidery structure looms Hosanna in the fucking highest. Carl approaches. It's an old kiddy carnival swing ride.

Oh wow, too bad it's not running.

Oh will, just need some juice. I know you remember the Rudolph ride.

Yeah, you puked me when I was eight.

Carl walks around.

The ride, inspecting the base bit. Too much eggnog with my whiskey that.

Day, don't you mean the opposite?

No, it was just a cup of whiskey. I'd have been fine. Twas the night of too much nog.

Jake notices clean cut humdrum dad Carl's age there with his wide eyed daughter eight. They don't know what to make of Carl.

Do you know what's up with this?

Well, yeah, it was our favorite. They shut her down last year. He's right, it's not operated.

Just need some juice.

Carl triumphantly hoist thick wires to the ride.

Christmas is magical. If you make it, you gotta want it. The spirit works if you work it.

Carl spots a large green pad mounted utility box pads over there.

We go, one of those big green box things.

Shit, it's locked.

Well I hope, so there's a power distribution transformer in there.

Of course, yeah, exactly, well, perfect power distribution transformer.

You really shouldn't touch that if you don't know what you're doing. You got ground wire for the whole park running through that thing.

Carl has pulled up some sort of how to article on his phone. Damn, straight round wire. That's what's called the primary high voltage. Did you know that? Humdrum Dad and white eyed daughter give Jake a nervous look. This doesn't seem like standard wiring.

That's okay, Just strip off the top thingy piggyback bear.

Of wires under our plug here. Carl whips out an impressive pocket knife and strips wires.

This really isn't worth it.

Christmas isn't always blow your mind, Amy, Sometimes you just got to buckle in and enjoy the rickety holiday ride.

Carl has created a jumble of exposed wires. What are we celebrating here? I only remember bad shit, like you and mom fighting. Something always went wrong, So just stop it. Carl strips the large, powerful ground wire.

That's exactly why we need to do this. It's absolutely about getting this up and running. Jake softens, Let me make amends. This is one bad memory we can fix.

Carl studies his hand and concentrates as he gets ready to give it.

That shoe cut too.

Throughout the park, lights surge dim and flicker, flashing in and out. At the bake sale, children and parents look around confused. At the entrance ticket girl Fields, concerned, looks under a parking lot light leaning on his cruiser, Officer Schmolla fifty bloated his alarm, looks out and sees a small explosion on the far side of the park. Before bright Christmas glory, the Rudolph Ride lights up the sky. Rudolph Ride, Carl's clothes are smoking and his Santa beard burned off, exposing his face.

He's in a great shock. Rattled but wired. Who by juice you should be dead. I'm fine, I'm possessed by the spirit. No, you are severely electrocuted. I'm gonna go get help.

Would body.

She points up at Rudolph, brightly lit with nose so bright. Throughout the park, children start flocking to the bright red and green lights. Officer Schmola heads over with them to investigate Rudolph ride. Carl jumps onto the control platform.

No music. He used to play Christmas music, remember.

Jake spots a switch behind a locked cage. I might have it, but it is locked, he thinks, then kicks until it breaks open like Carl did.

Got it?

Children excitedly rush to get on the ride.

Fuck it. Hum drum hum, drum.

Dad helps his thrill daughter onto a swing. Not bad, eh, Jake smiles, feeling the Christmas energy.

You know, if you get on this ride, then you can cross off step two.

Jake smiles and runs to the last open swing. The ride begins playing an instrumental twelve Days of Christmas. Carl takes a triumphant swig of soda Dun's is Santa Hat and begins belting his own lyrics, forced into the melody On the.

First step of Christmas, my true love gave to me a portrage and a pear tree.

For some reason, Jake buckles himself in.

On the second step of Christmas, my po said to me, in this cup you must bee, and here are a couple more partridges.

Carl starts the ride, but before Jake is out of earshot.

On the third step of Chris, miss my child gave to me a second fine, oh chance, Jake.

Hides his face and embarrassment, but is cracking up.

On the fourth step of Chris, miss my body gave to me shakes like Aly talk Mbam Mohammad and three more goddamn partridges.

The ride goes full tilted children love, Carl singing.

On the fifth step of relaps of Booze Hound gave to me boom and he was like, you're gonna need this because here's more partridges, Buddy partridges.

Jake takes it all in the ride, music, lights and Carl. Jake has to smile kid like. Affected by Christmas cheer, Carl speaks from the controls to someone on the ground.

Fine traditional lyrics.

From now on, it's Officer Shmola he's talking to and he is not amused.

Shut it off and come on down. Be decent man, have some holidays. Cheer you guys want me to stop the ride.

Jake is flying by on his swing when he sees Carl talking to a cop. His joy is replaced with familiar disappointment. I think you're drunk.

You don't know the rules. When you wear a Santa hat. You're not drunk, you're jolly.

Jake can only see what's happening when he passes on the swing. Each time he does, things look worse. Carl hops down, and Officer Shmola moves to detain him. We've done this before, Carl. When you refuse to surrender the pavilion for the Lilac.

Fest doesn't sound like me. I'm must have a good reason.

Jake jumps from the moving ride and runs over in times to see Officer Shmalla reaches in Carl's jacket and pulls out a bottle of vodka, then opens the soda bottle and sniffs.

We're right over here. Come on, let's go. You're not serious.

Officer Shmaala takes Carl away, passing Jake.

I'm sorry.

Humdrum Dad shuts off the ride. The lights go dark. And the music goes silent. As Carl is led away, Jake is left alone, exposed. Noticed we recognize some of Jake's classmates, including Chad.

Hey, Jake, they're taking away your drunk, homeless friend. I think that's his fucking dad.

Jake looks around and, like in class before, doesn't see one kind face again. They record with their nice phones.

Aren't you going to freak out? Freak?

Jake doesn't fight, He blocks it out and pushes past everyone.

What's wrong? Where's your Christmas spirit?

Now?

Jake snaps, He turns and charges so emotionally attacks the wrong kid starts beating on Chad's friend number three. Chad peels him off. Jake stands ready to fight them all, and he tries, swinging like a madman. But one guy can't beat three, and they start getting some good shots in. Jake falls back onto the ground, hitting the legs of an intervening adult. He looks up, face dirty and cut to see Principal McGriff wearing a Moon Goddess volunteer shirt.

This is getting control of yourself.

Jake doesn't have an answer.

Do you have someone to take you home?

Interior police cruiser moving night motherly female officer. Ashley's age drives with Jake slouched in the back seat, angry and embarrassed.

Try not to be too upset.

It's still Christmas Eve, after.

All, I'm not upsets.

The cruisers roll past each other and Jake sees Carl in the back seat. They manage brief eye contact before looking away, both in trouble and the shame. Later, Jake looks out the window as they turned down his street.

This is it, yeah, that your mom?

Jake sees Ashley getting home. She struggles to open the door while carrying bags full of groceries for dinner. Interior, redepartment living room night. Ashley stays by the door, closes her eyes as she processes, It's.

Not what you think.

It's not just getting in this kind of trouble, having a cop bring you home for Christ's sake, with your grandmother coming later tonight. There's the other thing. Obviously, you weren't helping at the food drive. You blew it off for the park.

Jake doesn't know how to answer.

Tell me the truth for.

Once, I didn't volunteer tonight, I say, I'm.

In disbelief, but you can only be shocked, so many times before you realize it's just.

How things are.

I never volunteered ever.

As an ever this whole time, where have you been going?

What have you been doing?

Nothing?

So then all the rest of this stuff, how you've been acting lately? Is this just an act, some set up to get a stupid phone out of me?

No, that's not it.

What are we doing here? Who am I raising?

She walks off, not mentioning the decorations or work he did.

Fine, believe what you want? Maybe I really am that bad.

Jake hides his frustrated tears as he wipes them away. Later, Jake places the reconfigured ceramic Santa statue on an end table near Ashley napping. He covers her with the blanket, then grabs his coat and sneaks out into the nipe and act too.

Pe, all right, we'll have lunch.

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Table Read

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