Table Read12 STEPS OF CHRISTMAS — a filthy Christmas comedy. When a rebellious kid is denied his dream Christmas present by his mom, he goes to his estranged alcoholic father (who lies about being sober) with an idea: adapt the 12-step program to teach me how to not be you.
Act 3 - Jake runs to the embodiment of Christmas perfection: Grandma. Ashley confronts Carl about spending time with their now-missing son as they combine to search for him. Climactic confrontations will see: Jake deciding between his idealized Grandma or his fucked-up normal life; P.O. Jordan deciding between judgment or redemption for Carl; and Carl deciding between saving himself or—if he’s finally able—putting his family first.
Pitch – When 13-year-old Jake’s fed-up mother tells him he won’t get the cell phone he absolutely NEEDS this Christmas, he goes to the only other person who ever pissed her off as much as he seems to: his estranged alcoholic father, Carl. Jake’s plea: adapt the 12 Step program to teach me how to not be you.
Will Jake find out that Carl’s sobriety is secretly a bunch of humbug?Can this fuck-up father teach this fuck-up son how to be less of a fuck-up—all in time for Christmas?
Join two of the least qualified people in the world as they stumble into lessons of empathy and personal responsibility—and believing in the motherfuckin’ spirit of Christmas.
Act three log line twelve's log line Who wrote this log line? Twelve Steps of Christmas a filthy Christmas comedy. When a rebellious kid is to night his dream Christmas present by his mom, He goes to a strange alcoholic father who lies about being sober, with an idea adapt the twelve Step program to teach me how not to be you hell, you been drinking along and home, that's not just your liquor talking. Act two hit a little harder and left us all in our whiskey fields, ending with Jake bolting from his mom's apartment into the night. Well Ashley find him. Can they reconcile after such a big fight? What about Carl and Jake had their own falling out. Carl also needs to win over mister humbug himself is dowur p goh River Jordan.
And what about me?
Well, my ice freeze in time for my next drink? Stay tuned, Just just just slow down, you see buck.
Drink up? Bah? I mean, what what are you a woman? Statistically?
Yes?
You you you podcast listener?
You?
I think that's super Personally mmm, I love women. The wrong ones love me though, or at least they love my money or really my looks inherited both from a vindictive mother for what washt them both to increasingly younger versions of her no less well, look at me now the face on the radio, baby anyhow, and ENJOYOC three. Jake and Carl try to give Ashley one nice day that needs some nice fucking I spoke fucking cold water my life.
Exterior town streets, city bus stop night. Jake waits with others. It's scary for a kid. Christmas is bursting all around, but the mood is not cheery. Even the warm expressions are tired and worn down. Interior, redepartment, living room night. Ashley's alarm goes off and she is just waking up when she is attacked by horror, assaulted by the sight of Jake's reconstructed ceramic Santa's statue. Santa's face is disturbing, off kilter, ungodly, and raw. Still, Jake tried his best. Ashley screams, then regains herself.
Oh my god, Jake, you've fixed it's thank you so much.
This is such a great present, Jake, you hear me. The whole place, Really, it's amazing.
We see in full glory. The apartment is bedecked with every Christmas decoration possible. Jake decorated like an eleven year old boy might, poorly, but with unrestrained enthusiasm.
You really put out all the decorations.
I mean all.
Is that a minora? I don't even know we had one of those? Jake, where are you?
She sees his coat is gone. Carl is passed out on the couch. A handle of Seagrum seven whiskey stands on the table, littered with the empty cans of the Delaware pork chowder. He's been eating cold. His cell rings startling him.
Jesus' birthday?
Hell, he answers, sits up straight like it'll help hide his state.
Ashley, Merry Christmas?
Wait are you sure we had a big fight?
I only napped a few minutes, but when I got up, he's not here.
Carl knows his role in this and hates himself.
He lied to me. A cop had to bring him home.
I know, and it's my fault.
What are you talking about?
I was there. Jake's been coming by, We've been hanging out together.
What did you forget what it felt like to fuck with your family?
I'm coming over, No, I'm coming right now.
Carl hangs up and looks around. The apartment is clean except for evidence of recent reckless shut in drinking. Carl throws an empty two liter across the room. Exterior town Streets night, Carl battles the beginning of a snowstorm, navigates ice and slush as wind blasts his face. He wraps his green jacket tight. As we realize this might be the only code he owns. Carl dips into an alley and drinks from his handle of whiskey. He sees a homeless woman looking at him from her tent. You drink, She nods. Carl's give her the rest of one mark I bear yeah dy, She nods. Carl gives her the rest of this bottle.
Merry Christmas.
Help me, I need as good tequila. She nods. Carl gives her the rest of his bottle Merry Christmas. Carl smiles. Exterior redepartment night. Carl collects himself, knocks. Ashley answers, and he takes off his hat, hair matted in some places, sticking up in others. A few beats without words, Ashley steps aside to let him in. Interior city bus moving night. Jake looks at his phone to distract himself from troubling stuff in the seats around him, until it suddenly shuts off.
You were just fucking fool.
He desperately tries to turn it on. It works, and he exhales before it inexplicably dies again, like old phones would do. The bus comes to a stop and everybody begins to get off. Jake is confused over the pa. The disinterested bus driver says something unintelligible except for the word transfer. Exterior city bus stop night, Everyone but Jake hurries off into the cold. Jake is left alone, looking at a huge map of bus routes. It's impossible to figure out, and the wind is brutal. The only person around is a one legged drunk in a wheelchair.
Okay, yeah, I just see you know your transfer brother?
Do you need to call somebody?
The drunk offers his phone. Jake takes it, relieved.
I don't know the number. Do you have Facebook Messenger or really? I just need Facebook to call.
Facebook.
You can put it on there, but no, I don't exactly keep in touch with the family.
My Christmas letter would be a real bummer.
He smiles and drinks liquor from a brown paper bag. Jake realizes the man's situation in life.
What about you?
What are you gonna do?
He gives Jake a small cheers before he takes another swig.
Make your call, call home.
Jake nods as the drunk wraps his jacket tighter. Interior, red apartment, living room night. Ashley paces in front of car.
He wanted help being a better.
Why would he pick you of all people?
I'm his dad?
You thought you could make up for eleven years of shitty parenting in one week?
Maybe I did?
Yeah, I lied to him.
I told him you cleaned up, so we didn't think his father was How have you been anyway?
Well that lie you told about me being okay, that'd be a big one.
They see the snowstorm picking up out the window. Cell phone advertisement for me Phone thirteen GD, same style as the ad from earlier Park Day. A group of sparkly teens pose for an epic pick. Unseen by them, a nearby landscaper pushes his lawnmower their way through phone cam steadies on the teens snaps a pick. The image it's ruined by this landscaper who came into frame looking so tired. And overworked and sweaty.
Yuck.
Life can get in the way of your real story. The image boom, the landscaper disappears in an instant.
Now you can crop out the noise.
Family room day and above it. Mom and her unexceptional family pose for a pick. Mom is pissed at her crying newborn. Through phone cam steadies on the family snaps a pick the image it's ruined by this crying newborn.
So friends your true self.
The image boom. Mom's frown is replaced with a smile boom. The crying newborn is replaced with a thriving house plant.
The me phone thirteen GD It's worth it if you are.
Pull out and see the ad is playing on interior. Grandma's house kitchen night a laptop in front of Jake. He's on the me phone website customer a phone to order. Grandma is by the front door, checking her appearance in the mirror as she waits for someone. Grandma's house looks exactly as her card promised, so inviting, seemingly perfect, and in total contrast to the spaces Jake spends with Ashley or Carl.
Did my credit card work?
Okay?
Did you order what you wanted on the screen.
The cursor hovers over purchase. It feels like a significant move, and he doesn't click it yet he lies.
Yet it totally did. Thanks again.
See things don't always have to be so hot. Honestly, some people just make it that way.
Grandma answers the doorbell, greets Kathy smug pious fifty five.
Well that was fast.
Not much traffic tonight, of course, thank you so so much, especially on Christmas Eve.
I am happy to help. It is my duty to serve, especially at Christmas.
Grandma and Kathy approach Jake.
This is my friend Kathy. We belong to the same congregation. Okay, Hi, why don't we sit?
Jake is flanked on either side as they sit.
I've been worried about you. Actually, I've been telling Kathy about your situation for a few months now. With everything that happened tonight, I thought she should come over.
My job is to help families when they need it.
Remember all the times you told me about your mom never.
Being there or how she's always snapping at you, I mean, like really angry, almost like she's unstable. Jake remembers, You don't realize, but that's not Okay, it's scary. Honestly, what would you think about living here.
For a while?
Interior Ford Fiesta, Hatchback, Moving Night. Ashley drives aggressively even as the storms pick up.
The only way to have a nice day with me is with some grand production.
No, I'm just saying that was his plan. It wasn't about the phone text him again.
I really thought I could host a simple family Christmas. We should have done at my mom's.
Yes, she's better than you.
Yeah, well that's what I'm saying.
Because according to you, she's perfect right by definition, there's no beating that, and you, we know, are definitely not perfect. That's all shit. I hate watching her make you crumble.
I don't crumble.
Isn't this the same perfect woman who needed me to pick up her irritable bowel slash constipation slash colon slash something else, gross medication from Eckert. All I know for a fact is that that woman is full of shit, except when she isn't, and then she just poops too much. See the point is, there's no lead. Next time you feel inferior, just to remember her bowel minutes she takes a cocktail of those things like she's magic Johnson.
All I know is crazy bullshit like this doesn't happen with other moms, only me.
Man.
Carl is struck by something, jolts up in the seat.
That's exactly what Jake said at AA, same words, even trash about other moms and crazy bullshit only happening with you.
You took Jake to AA.
Carl stays with his big Eureka moment.
I think he's at your mom.
I told you she's the first one I called.
He bought into this negative shit about you, and he's for sure all in on your flawless grandma theory. I know that kid pretty well.
Ash Ashley considers interior Grandma's house living room night. Jake sits with Kathy adolescent Jesus awkwardly looking down.
If you work for the city, that's the government, so you can make my mom do whatever you say.
Flush Grandma exits the bathroom, drying her hands.
Sorry for the long wait. I had to adjust my makeup then, would you believe it?
I got an eyelash in my eye twice.
AnyWho, how's it going well?
Jake wants to know if I could force protective custody were given the circumstances.
Yes, hopefully it won't come to that. We can now just agree on a plan.
Doors fly open as Carl and Ashley fall in from the storm. Grandma jumps back, then moves in front of Jake protectively.
What are you doing here?
Ashley sees Jake. She rushes over and forces a hug.
Why would you lie to me?
I didn't when you called. I didn't know where he was. He didn't either, just that he was somewhere, stranded alone at a bus station in single digit Winchi.
What are you all right?
Jake shoes away her mothering.
Then when I heard everything else that was going on, going on with what?
Who are you?
I'm just here to ensure health and safety and to make sure everyone understands their options per county rule.
You've really called CPS on me.
What if we just agree that Jake stays here a lot?
Hell no, he's not staying here.
You think I'm that bad of a mother?
The things I hear sound bleak?
Did you know about all this? Is this what you want?
I don't know.
Carl sees Jake torn apart and Ashley crushed by judgment.
You're picturing something way worse.
You're the reason why she's here. Did you figure that out yet?
The state considers Carl a threat. That's why we can have a conversation about removal. Really, the lack of supervision to not know Jake was in such danger.
Ashley hands Carl her keys.
Just leave.
Carl wants to act, but he's neutered, leaves totally debased. Exterior Grandma's House night. Carl stands in the cold, a broken man. He watches through the front window. It's agony seeing Jake and Ashley so distraught.
Fuck you, Carl.
He grips the keys tight and heads towards the car. Interior Grandma's House, living room night. Ashley and Grandma wait for Jake's answer to something.
What do you think about all of this?
Jake?
I know it's a lot. Do you know what you want to do?
Jake makes his choice and moves to Grandma just as a voice from behind.
No fucking way this happens not because of me.
Will you just leave us alone?
There's nothing you can do, humbug.
Carl grabs Drake, a new character. Drake.
Yes.
Carl grabs Jake and drags him out like a hostage.
Hey, let me go.
Stop exterior Grandma's house. Night, Carl forces Jake toward the car. Get in there. Jake relents and gets in the passenger seat interior Ford Fiesta hatchback moving night. Carl speeds away, panicked, checking his mirrors and misjudging the road. The storm is ease, but roads are slick.
What the hell are you doing?
If I got to kidnap you to talk, then fucking fine.
Carl jumps the curb on a turn. Jake holds on tight.
When was the last time you drove a car?
Scared good? You should be a little scared of your dad, especially when you're being such a dumb punk.
You can't scare me into liking mom.
Do you know how much she looks you? Do you have any goddamn idea? She loves you so much, she puts up with you whatever.
I hate her, and I.
Love you enough to take your ass out. You did not just see you ate your mother? You hear me.
Carl takes this focus off driving and they run off the road over yards, plowing Christmas displays. They scream in terror.
Whoa, wha, what's a car?
Why? Oh my gosh, shut trying to contr just stop the car lost your milkbox.
Farm.
Gosh.
Carl turns the wheel and guns it. Crashing decorations blind them as so intraction sends them speeding back to the road. The windshield clears just in time to see the stocky man winter coat and hat.
Who thumped.
They run over. They slide to a stop. They're silent a beat until.
Oh my god, Oh my god.
Carl gets out and sprints over to the man. Exterior town streets nights, Jake arrives to see Carl on his knees over what remains of the snowman they just killed. Carl holds a carrot.
And top hat. I really thought I killed a guy.
Carl takes a moment, still kneeling.
I would have helped you bury the body, if that helps.
Look at me on my knees morning, This snowman, his judgmental kid staring.
At me reveal a fatherless snow family stands in judgment.
Jesus, I even tear a part figurative families. That caseworker bitch is right, I am a threat.
No you're not. They just don't know the whole story.
This really strikes Carl.
You think it didn't matter, Yeah, of course they see the real you. I was never in danger.
Carl jumps to his feet with a plan. Interior for Fiesta hatchback moving night, Carl speeds a man on a mission.
My po is the one who decides if I'm a threat. I just need him to change his mind about me?
What about what I want?
If I can get him out tonight, hopefully that won't matter it.
Do you even know where he is?
Home with his family, wherever that is, and he blocks his number?
What are you going to do?
I can't call him, but I might be able to call everybody.
The Fiesta fishtails as Carl flies through an intersection. Interior Carl's apartment living room. Carl sits at his computer, hunting for a program, finds it.
Oh it's been too long, my baby. With this right here, I could run any scam I wanted, any way I wanted.
Jake watches Carl navigate with skill and familiarity. Carl loads files from various scams.
You weren't lying. These looks super fucked up.
I only rip off the deserving this time. They'll all be from our little town.
Carl opens a map feature. He narrows the range and zooms in on just their town.
You said, if you don't spread him out, you get caught.
Exactly, I need to get his attention.
Jake realizes what Carl is willing.
To do for him.
This is crazy. There's no way this ends okay for me.
Also need him to call me, the chance to bust me on all this. I imagine he'd want a word.
Carl pulls up a master list of scams. The cursor hovers over the send button for the top one. He clicks you mean all of them. Carl moves down the list, clicking send on scam after scam. Jake reads the final.
One, Ivory Deally.
Carl hits play behind the scam message the sound of a piano.
Ever, fantasize about being an ivory dealer.
Karl is lost, remembering the message as he hears it.
So many of us do. Everyone loves cool, white ivory, but no one wants the hassle of acquiring it.
A series of scenes calls spread across town on Christmas Eve. In each someone on a phone reacts to hearing the scam. In an upper class home, multi generational family enjoys a Christmas Pheasant.
Feast thanks to an exclusive relationship with friends in the Congolese government and the Holo Holo people of the South Kivu Province.
An elderly couple lovingly sit next to each other and watch a black and white Christmas movie in the dark.
You have an invitation only high yield investment opportunity in the lucrative ivory market.
A lift driver watches in his rear view as the two dissimilar passengers on their cells react in opposite ways to the scam.
Just listen, nothing like bona fide ivory piano keys and did you know you can use ivory for pool balls, knick knacks or as a substitute for white plastic.
Mister Bucket listens to the message in bed.
Act now and get a free boat.
Baby, We finally got a boat.
Missus Bucket ignores him from the other side of the room, continues salacious webcam flirting with strange man.
A thing like that.
A free boat. Interior Ford Fiesta hatch the fjord, Interior Ford Fiesta hutchback, Notre Dame slipped in there somewhere, Interior Ford Fiesta hatchback moving night. Jake looks out the window while Carl drives. The storm left a blanket of fresh snow. It's a beautiful Christmas night. Horrible screeching tones repeat from Carl sull on the.
Dash Ford Fiesta.
Hatchbag.
Hey, wait a minute, that's me. I'm an amber alert.
Yeah you've been napped kid, yeay.
I get to deal with the cops, just like last time.
Last time. Yeah, we gotta talk about the park.
It's okay, No, it really isn't.
Jake responds by reading from the notebook.
Step ten, Promise to stay disciplined and call out all bullshit matter not size, stench, texture, norviscosity.
I figure that only works if you can forgive somebody.
You got it, and then the idea is to keep it going.
That's the LEA step about the future.
Next one too, Promise to rely on your higher O during your countless and stupendous future fuck ups.
Jake falls silent.
It's just a promise to use me whenever you need anything.
Jake looks out the window, still not committing.
It's okay if you don't want to. I do. I do want to. But this one's sort of a two way street. Huh. Yeah, you got to have an elf who's there holding up his side of things. All I can do is promise and hope you ignore any common sense telling you not to trust that.
Jake considers, then crosses off steps ten and eleven. Out the window, he sees a shocked family in church clothes, checking their amber alerts and staring. Jake waves shit, get down. All shoves Jake's head down out of view. He speeds away. Series of scenes calls spread across town on Christmas Eve. In each someone on a phone reacts to hearing the scam. A young man sits alone with his dog on zoom with family.
Windowless sweatshops like noise canceling hadphones For the rest of you, keep out the world and keep your mind on your work.
In a nice kitchen full of pie, cookies and whatever. A mule log is A perfect family has a huge fight over a board game.
That against window producers and select East Asian markets while investing big local concrete contractors.
Team manager Mark watches his hot peace mother talk on the phone. She's absolutely glowing. He's suspicious and totally grossed out.
Act now and get a free boat. Why are you glowing? Gross? Oh?
I think we just want a boats.
Interior forward, fiesta hatchback, moving night. Carl jumps when his cell phone lights up.
Is it him?
Jake checks and shakes his head.
Reads climate change? What climate change?
Seasonal work as a climate change denier is a great way to earn loads of easy cash.
Now, Oh, and I get a free book.
Series of scenes calls spreading across the town on Christmas Eve. In each someone on a phone reacts to hearing the scam. Angel and multiple generations of his family cook, eat, and drink. His niece Maria is lost in the fun with other kids.
Hello. Always dreamt of selling nuclear secrets but never found the time. Now you can do it right from harm.
Neighbors Mary and Chris get back from church. The girls kick off their shoes that match this year's. Chris stresses for an adversary.
Let us deal with the legal ease. Just answer this. Can I sell you a secret?
Barfly? Mike watches TV on his couch with beer cans all around him, brunker than when he challenged.
Carl at the bar. Act now and get a free boat.
His son is there, Chad, who we normally see bullying.
Jake, you want another beer?
There's a bunch still in the drawer.
Shout up still. It's something about a boat. Chad was hoping to connect, but his dad is too drunk again. Interior Jordan's house, living room day, Jordan sits miserable while his too cheery family is being exceedingly christmasy. A few sing carols around the piano.
Come join us, Uncle Jordy.
Before he can say no, ding, everyone begins to get texts. Hey, should I invest in black market antiquities?
I just got text?
Jordan's eyes narrow. He recognizes the sound of this.
Huh, I got one for war profiteering.
What's your say?
Invest in human trafficking? Where life is a highway.
Jordan's on high alert. His cell rings and he quickly answers.
Do you like puppies? And who doesn't love a good mill? Make your dream a reality and become a player in today's puppy mill industry.
Jordan jumps up and straps on his po badge, commanding the attention of the room. He's ready to kick ass. His adorable five year old nephew is in awe. Interior Ford Fiesta hatchback moving night. The cell rings and Carl C's blocked number.
I think I know this block number, Hallie, Jolly Christmas, this is Carl whom say is calling?
Intercut with interior Jordan's old Volvo moving night, Jordan's car, lush car seat and steering wheel cover, CD hold on visor, convex blind spot, marrors, tinted windshield, console, armrests with storage cup holder and phone mounted?
Do you know what kind of shit you're in?
I was right?
Goddamn it, I knew there was more than one scam.
Who's to say I reasonably doubt everything I'm hearing right now?
Ooh, this is mandatory minimums. You're doing a virtual tour of the penal code.
Yeah, but getting evidence to prove it sounds like a lot of annoying extra work, which I know you don't love.
Fucker?
Are you enjoying this are instead of that? How about meet me and let me talk? Maybe I'll confess a thing or two.
Carl and Jake anxiously wait as Jordan pauses a few beats.
People buying gifts ask will you get a man who has everything? I've had the opposite problem? How do I punish a man who values nothing? See you get a pass? None of this madness affects you?
Does it?
You don't care about anyone?
You're wrong?
It's different now.
Carl covers the phone and shushes Jake. But it's too late.
What the hell is your kid doing there?
You can't do that, Yeah, because somebody deems me unfit, mister mcdeamer, and listen, I absolutely get it. But you ever consider that maybe I'm not so unfit.
Before I met you? Yes, but then, of course we met. It's a well earned label. Car, give me a chance to convince you.
Text us.
I'll send you an address.
You dumb fucker.
Carl hangs up and looks at Jake.
Maybe he'll cool off.
Exterior Grandma's House night, Jordan joins Ashley, Grandma and Kathy, watching the fiesta slowly slide into a pathetic thud against the curb. Carl gets out and sprints up the small hill to them. Ashley watches Jake make his way up slowly. She gives him his space.
First Mary, Christmas, everybody, and thanks for letting me talk.
Oh, I'm not here for you, I'm here for your stupefying parole violations.
Tell me what's happening, Jordan presides.
Apparently Carl has some things to confess to you and potentially to the Federal Trade Commission.
Jordan pulls out a pair of handcuffs to dramatic effect.
Okay, yes, I may have transgressed, but where I ran a foul, it was only so I could get you here tonight.
This isn't real.
It was the only way I could explain before it's too late.
This is exactly why you can't see your son.
I'm no threat. Let me put it this way. I don't want Jake to turn out like me either. I don't blame you for being worried, but I'm not a threat.
Why would you bring him into your world of shit?
It's the only way he'd bring me into his.
Jordan doesn't care. He advances with cuffs as Carl backs up.
He was helping me. It's the only way we could do the steps.
This stops, Jordan.
You're always saying I need to go to AA. Well we've been working on the steps together. Good right?
How could you expose him to those sort of people?
When did Jade start drinking?
No, it's not for that. I just wanted to be.
Better.
I guess Jake can't help. But look at Ashley.
We're almost done, just one step left.
Jordan handcuffs Carl. He's reluctant to be drawn in.
But people sometimes think they're almost done, then they try that last step to find out that they're nowhere.
Why what to say?
Ultimately it's about serving others. But first, first you need to reflect on the great spiritual way, and you've presumably just had Grandma scoffs. Then the kicker, you need to figure out what you learn from it all.
Jordan begins to lead Carl away.
If you don't know that, then maybe it was worthless.
It wasn't worthless.
Please, what could Jake possibly have learned from you?
Everyone turns to Jake. It's completely overwhelming.
I mean, I know that got to stay tight with your higher elf, no matter how much he hurts you. I saw how dad's a dickhead, but he knows it. So it's not okay, but sort of is.
I don't know what to say.
Okay, I guess I'm not sure what I learned.
Carl deflates, and Jordan leads him towards the car.
I knew he was in trouble when I heard spiritual awakening. Spiritual trust me, No.
Mom, shut the hell up just because you call it a sacrament. Now you're still drunk by noon, and good job kicking the binzos.
But maybe your Jesus addiction is worse. Cut the judgmental crap.
Jake moves in a daze to the front steps with a notebook.
How could you possibly know what he experienced. I've seen a change, and that's.
Good enough for me.
Ashley approaches Jake, who just stares at the notebook. What's that? Jake opens it so she can study the list.
To erode his version of each dough.
I kept check of how far.
We got Jesus, look at this as far as I'm concerned. You should cross that last step off.
Jake doesn't respond. Grandma comes to look too.
Things are getting a little better, right with us.
Jake nods with small satisfaction. He crosses off the step.
What about step one? It's not crossedown?
Jake's shot. She's right, he reads step one.
Admit you're a fucked up person and life can never be predictable. You definitely have a problem, bitch, that's garbage.
You're fine just the way you are.
Something clicks. Jake has a revelation.
I'm not fine though, Hey get back here, bitch.
Jordan's Jordan doesn't hear. He puts Carl in the back seat. Wait stop, Jake begins firing rocks interior Jordan's old Volvo moving night. Jordan looks out the back window as he reverses.
You gotta listen. He's way better now. You should have seen him before he was so angry.
Bam bam. Rocks strike the car, chipping the windshield. Bam bam. Even his stick on blind spot mirror is smashed. As Jordan watches a dangle and then fall, he becomes enraged. Exterior Grandma's house Night, Jordan gets out just as bam A final rock Dense's hood.
Hey, what the hell, kid?
I needed to get your attention.
You guys have very extreme ways of doing this.
I did learn something. I learned that my dad is very fucked up.
Sir. We agree.
Step one should have been easy, admitting everything's messed up. I already thought of that, but honestly, I blamed people. My dad taught me it can't be anyone's fault because everything in life is just fucked up to begin with.
We're powerless.
What's your point?
Don't ask my dad to be a normal, functioning parent. I don't need that.
I need him because he's fucked up without him I'll relapse and he needs me.
Ashley is affected by this.
I'm screwed up, dude, so are you, and so was my mom and my grandma.
Ashley and Grandma share this weird moment of belonging.
It goes for Christmas too.
You know, if everything is fucked up, you don't have to feel bad about hating it.
Jordan reflects. Interior Jordan's old Volvo night. Carl tries every angle, contorting his body and pressing against the seat, but he can't open the door. While I was shuffed shit Exterior Grandma's house night, Jordan sits on the front steps, looking at a wallet photo of his wife. The women gathered around comfortingly.
Uh, that's why I wanted to visit her grave, but I was worried it wouldn't seem very Christmas.
Yeah, man, fuck Christmas. If that's how you feel, maybe that's even the true meaning of Christmas.
I want to believe it. God, I'd be liberated.
Carl arrives. His hair and clothes are a mess from his escape efforts. Ashley studies him a moment.
He looks absurd and with it all so screwed up.
Who's anyone to judge?
Carl.
Ashley's support hits Carl. It registered with Jordan too. He lingers on it as they give him time to think. He stands.
Maybe I'm getting swept up into magic of hating Christmas, or I'm overwhelmed by the opposite of holiday cheer.
Jake and Carl look at each other anxiously optimistic.
There's one thing fucked up. People need maybe see each other. You finally have value. I hereby declare, you're not unfit, You're not a threat. You're a father messed up as the rest of it. So you weren't in danger and you weren't negligent.
Jake hugs Ashley. Grandma sees the love and is moved. She puts her hand on Ashley's shoulder.
Yeah, Merry Christmas.
I guess, Oh, Mary, Christmas, your big lump of cole come here, poll hug me.
Handcuffed, Carl can only heave himself onto Jordan, who quickly shoves him off each time. Kyle smiles when he sees Jake and Ashley together. It all has the feel of a Christmas miracle.
So he's off the hook.
No, God, no, he's crazy.
Arrested federal prison, whole shebang really bad stuff on that front. But you'll be able to talk this time legally. For now you can come get him, But bail.
Is going to be.
Imposing, really something tremendous.
Carl doesn't care. He's rightly proud of himself.
Marry Christmas Dad.
Jake watches as Carl is led away. He crosses off step one and takes a moment to appreciate the completed list.
He did it.
Interior Jordan's house, living room. Christmas morning, Jordan tries to endure as all around him in matching pajamas. No Less family celebrates Christmas morning reveal. Jordan wears the same pjs. They have a moose on them. He hates this moose. He doesn't want to be here. Jordan decides on something, then sneaks away. He puts his overcoat over his pjs, but stopping him at the front door is his wide eyed five year old nephew.
Where are you going, uncle, Jordy.
Jordan prepares to speak with the satisfaction of a man who has settled something important in his mind.
I'm going to a graveyard.
He's afraid of how this will go over.
I got a chuck, that's great. I hope you love it. You're gonna go play with it?
Yep. Jordan smiles and leaves.
Did Uncle Jordy just leave?
Yep?
Did he say where he was going?
Grave?
Yay.
They don't know what to make of it. Interior, local jail, Christmas morning. There are a few joyless prisoners around, but Carl sits alone with his thoughts beneath a few sad holiday decorations.
Oh me, Sanna, you got a letter?
Guard Frisbee's Carl an envelope. He opens it and pulls out the same Christmas card Grandma had sent Jake. A check falls out. Carl reads the card.
Here's money for bail. Don't fuck it up. Have a merry Christmas. Exo Grandma.
Interior, redepartment living room, Christmas morning. Carl sits in a chair, egg nog in hand, Ashley and Jake on the couch.
I got you a little something.
He hands Jake a folded piece of paper. Inside, Jake finds a reloadable debit card with the name and number taped to the back.
Nicholas Jergen von klaus.
Uh, our friend in Liechtenstein is expecting your call.
What is it?
Recent? Ill gotten gains no from godless scoundrels and enough money for a fancy new phone.
I reckon, Jake hansa to Ashley.
I don't want it, it'll help us out.
Ashley begins to object, but in a very obvious move, Jake turns and starts talking before she has had the chance.
Oh yeah, so then, oh, we got you something to.
Carl is surprised as Jake Hansen a rapt gift. Carl is opening it when he is attacked by sheer horror. Assaulted by the side of Jake's ceramic Santa statue, Carl inspects the monstrosity. It's even more upsetting than we appreciated before.
What holy fuck is this thing?
Actually? Jake worked really hard on that.
Oh I'm sorry, man, what's your problem.
I'm just kidding. It's truly disturbing.
I know, okay, good, Yeah, yeah. It looks like you ever see those pictures of birth defects from radiation? So it's sort of like like misshapen Plato people. Man, you gotta google.
No, no, actually, we don't have to search that. Call it step thirteen.
You can't just make up stabs.
Carl is putting the statue on the table when it breaks into a million pieces.
I mean that's sort of.
Fitting everything falling apart in your hands.
Step fourteen.
Shut up, ash trust me, it happens.
You can be brilliant, yes, but should we?
Jake and Ashley laugh, but Carl's expression lingers as he looks at the broken pieces. The moment turns serious as his comment gathers more weight. Jake and Ashley react until.
Kidding, we'll do it together. Where's the glue?
Jake bolts up to go get it. Ashley smiles. Merry Christmas.
The end.
Quickly everybody at the same time give us a Merry Christmas.
Let's maybe do that at the end on three one two three.
Merry Christmas, Jesus.
Than Joy.
And Paine Jobs aanger from heavy bass, Angel came and m certain sheds rot timings are the same, desert was the Son of God by.
Name Amtimes come for evente of the venti Homotime, Angel.
Angos, Panos and Paine Jobs anger shaping times, joyes ch mine and that locks up and stop the mine and then joint.
Straight at time.
Joy and Joy bi
