Have you ever felt so shameful about your own thoughts, you wonder what would happen if anyone could hear them? That if anyone could see or hear the conversations you had in your headā¦ That youād be EXILED?! Maybe it's your jealous and envious side constantly wishing you had what others had, Maybe itās your inner BITCH waiting at the opportunity to pounceā¦ OR maybeā¦ Itās your dark kinky side you wish you could unleash but are terrified at the thought of letting her out. WE GET IT! On todayās episode, weāre going to show you how we have both been able to integrate the DARK SHADOW SIDE to our personalities without shame, judgement or ridicule, so you can too! This approach to self-acceptance is not your typical affirmations in the mirrorā¦. SO get ready for a conversation youāve never heard before! This will change your life forever!
Welcome to the She Rises Podcast.
I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.
This podcast is.
About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
We help you shed the shame, grow to new level. We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
Get ready for your next level of self.
Welcome back to She Rises with your hosts Siana and Ashy and I'm so pumped run. We are so excited to bring you today's episode because we're gonna introduce to you two new co hosts.
I know you're probably thinking, what, why would they have four co hosts? Well why not?
I really don't think you're ready for this.
No, these girls are crazy. They're so sassy, they're spicy, they're out there. They have bitchy moments, brady moments, but they're a lot of fun and they just their authentic selves, like they really don't care what anyone else thinks about them. They say it how it is and they have their moment and I love it.
And they take up so much unapologetic space without thinking before they speak and just being all of who they are.
So they are Stephanie and Tatiana. Okay, so let's rewind. You're probably thinking, what the hell is bitches talking about Stephanie and Tatiana are our alter egos. And this is a concept that Tiana brought to me. And I can't even remember the exact specific moment that you suggested this, but it must have been a moment where I was like, oh my gosh, I shouldn't think that, I shouldn't say that, or I hate that about myself, whether it's personality traits, which we're going to go into all of these. So this is a very vulnerable, like I'm scared to talk about this because you feel like I've been judged before for these parts of me within relationships and friendships. There must have been something going on and you were like, no, no, no, no, you're not gonna hold that back. Bring it, and I get you to explain it, like how did you introduced to bring in an alter ego so that I can be all of my full self without feeling shame around it.
So this concept that I was talking with ash about and I kind of like brought to her when we were having a conversation, she was basically like, you know, holding back what she really wanted to say. And I was like, no, bitch, we're not doing that here. Actually know to me, like our friendship is here for this, Like you don't need to be anything other than all of who you are, right, I want you to bring your most raw, real authentic version of yourself here.
And that looks like.
Sometimes being a bitch, sometimes a little braddy, sometimes saying something a little spicy, being.
Angry, being angry.
And I really feel in that situation.
Absolutely, And it's something that I've done with myself for a really long time where you know, there's all these parts of myself where I've been like, oh, she's a.
Little spicy, she's a little bit you know.
And I remember coming up with a name like Tatiana for it, and I was like, this is cool. It gives me so much permission to love all parts of myself that I hold shame around. And that was kind of the conversation that I had with Ashy. I brought to you. It was like, no, we're not doing this. We're not going to shame you for having this emotional reaction, for having this expression or wanting to say something. But then being like people aren't going to love me for this, or maybe she won't like me as much if I say this to her, And it just created a really safe grounds for our friendship to just be like all parts of us exist, like every single part of us exists. And what I was explaining to Ashi was what happens when you don't allow yourself to have these expressions, say, for example, being a brat, being angry, being passive, aggressive, being spicy, whatever it is that your flavor is that maybe you're shameful of. If you don't accept those parts of yourself, what will happen is you suppress them. And when you suppress something, what happens is actually brings it out tenfold, right, because you are essentially stuffing down a part of yourself that is trying to be seen by you, trying.
To be accepted.
Every single time it comes up, Love me a little. And when we push it down, it comes back tenfold and it comes out in really uncontrollable ways. And then we always end up in these situations where we're like, why am I having these out of character moments that I can't control my behavior? It's because we suppress certain expressions of who we are, so say, for example, for me, in the past, I've been really passive aggressive in friendships or not really but like in like one specific friendship that I really noticed it come out in a really intense way. And what happened was I was suppressing my anger and I was overly people pleasing and overly being the nice girl. And it's not all of who I am. This concept of like alter egos and bringing this into our friendship is allowing us to be all sides of who we are.
And I want Stephanie to come.
Forward and be like, like, I love you as you are.
I love you as you are.
I want you to be your brat, I want you to be a bitch. I want you to be pissed off about that. I want you to do feel xyz in whatever way that you do in the moment, because I want you to have your authentic expression because when you do, it goes away.
It does, it dissolves, literally dissolves. Yeah. It's been one of my most favorite things about our friendship and it's been so healing for me and I just I would love us to give examples of witnesses to come up. But there's another thing that came up for me and I don't think our alter egos had been born yet together. But I remember we had a conversation about you and a past relationship and it was something you were struggling to navigate through, and I think almost you had your rose color glasses on. Yeah, And I remember being very honest, and I'm a very honest person. I will say things how they are, and over the years, I've kind of trained myself to pull back from that because I think a lot of people aren't able to hold that or they think that I'm saying it from a malicious place. And yes, I can definitely take responsibility that I have improved the way I deliver messages and the way I give honesty and read the room and know if they're going to be receptive to that. But in the past, I think I've had friendships that have just been like, oh shit, that's too much. You shouldn't have said that. I remember I said something to you about this partnership and then you dropped me off, and then I freaked out and I messaged you and I was like, I am so so sorry for saying that, Like that was too up front of me. I will support you whatever you want to do when I started backtrapping, and I was like getting anxious and just thought, ah, she shouldn't have said that. I could feel the anxiousness in me, and I remember you voice messaged me back and you were like, stop, you are never too big, you were never too much, and you're never too honest. I appreciate and I want you to be that honest with me. And it was the first time I'd ever had a friend verbally se crying I feel, oh my gosh, I am right now. It was the first maybe cry now, But it was the first time I had someone love my honesty, love my forwardness that you could and you said something else too. It was like, I know what you say is from a good place and because you want the best for me, and it is always from a good place. Maybe my delivery wasn't great in the past, but I've lost people becase of my delivery and what I've said. But it was the first time I'd had someone be able to really hold that, but then not only hold it reconfirmed to me that you love that about me and that I'm welcome, accepted and safe to fully say what I want to say. And that was so beautiful, so there's that moment for me, and then there's just been other moments where I don't know, maybe I'm having a disagreement with someone, or maybe something's happening with someone online, or I'm really fucking pissed off. But I try to step in finding the list, and I try to be the motivational speaker, and I try to like be you know, it's okay, and you'll be like, ah, what does Stephanie feel? And I'm like, well, Ash wants to say X y Z and be supportive and compassionate, but Stephanie's like, no fucking way, being a fucking bitch. I'm really angry, I'm really upset, and I'll like blurt out all these things that are on my heart and on my mind. Once I get that out, I sit back and take your breath, and now I'm like, Okay, Stephanie's had a moment. Thank you, steph. You can now go for a walk, calm your farm. Actually then comes back in and go, now, how do I want to respond? I don't have to suppress any of that anger, nothing that can cause resentment. I've got it out, and I've got it in a safe landing place, which has been new. It's happened often for both of us. Every time that happens, it really does dissolve. Yeah, and Stephanie and Tatiana, they're just these funny, crazy bitches who just like I love them, you know what. I want to be more like them. When I feel Tatiana or Stephanie enter the room and I literally visualize it, Like it sounds silly when I see them walk in the room, but I do. I see them walk in the room, I'm just like, Wow, they just don't give a fuck. They are so truly authentically themselves and they will speak their truth and they won't let anyone push them down or drag them through the mark. They are like I'm here, I'm loud, and I'm proud and that's not okay.
Yeah, and you're gonna see me hear me again. It's so beautiful. We have this thing where we.
Literally like Stephanie and tatsy and have entered the chat, we like introduce them. It's such a beautiful thing, Like it's such permission to just be all of who you are.
I feel like I keep.
Repeating that, but it truly is, because it's like, when do you actually give yourself permission or all of us, like at every point in our life, permission to truly say what's on our mind without fearing that the other person is going to have something to say. Like this container is like the vault. It's like that's what we call it is like the vault. Everything stays in the vault, right, but it's like this safe place where like every part of us can exist, you know, and like, for an example, like a part that one thing that would have come up for me would have been my past relationship. Without going into too much, I remember feeling towards the end, like as you go through a breakup, you have like you know, the usual kind of like withdrawal faces that you go through where you're like, oh no, this is a good decision, and then it's like, oh shit, this isn't a good decision. You go through the grief stages because you're grieving somebody who was a huge part of.
Your life that you no longer have access to, you.
No longer have access to, and you yeah, you agree, even like go And I remember going through this moment where I was like I was just having a real day and I was just like, Tatiana has some shit to say today, you know, big feeling because I was just like hurt and like in pain and also angry. Angry, yeah, just like a being straighted want of all the things that I wanted to say, of being like wishing I could have been loved in the way that I wanted to be loved, wishing somebody could have stepped up to the plate in the way that I would have wanted, and just different elements like that. It was like all of my raw emotion of like hurt Tiana, but it was like Tatiana, you know.
But there was a process that we went through with that because I felt like for about a month after that, I was like, I haven't really seen you cry about this. You've seen almost too okay for someone who's just gone through a breakup. And then once you had that permission, like the tears flowed and came out, I was like, more, more, tell me more, it's so true.
Actually, you put me up one day and you're just like hey, like I just want to give you, like your voice message me, I just want to give you permission, like you've just gone through a breakup, like you don't have to be the strong one, Like you're doing really well and I get that, and you might actually be, but if you're not, like I just want you to know, like you can come in here. And I just as soon as you said that, I just like broke down. I think I cried from that moment like three days straight, every single night, like literally for a few hours, because I was just I'd let the raw emotion come up, and I was like, you know what, Tatiana is fucking pissed for what I feel like I experienced and the just the frustration and like how things ended, like not in a bad way, but like that is.
It so valid? Yeah, she's valid to feel like that.
Yeah, And so it was cool.
It was like that was permission for me to be, like Tatiana gets to come out in these moments of like this was my experience, I get to feel those things. And then when Tiana enters the chat, she's going to be like no, like everyone in their own timeline, everyone in their own journey, like love and respect, like there's no hard feelings, like I still have so much love and respect, and then going your own way, but giving myself permission to be like I feel like a fucking bitch right now, Like you know what, I mean how I.
Really feel in the moment and something you've said to me, which has really been a game change as well. It's like if I've been frustrated at someone or something, it's like you said to me, you can feel something and it doesn't have to mean anything, And I'm like wow, because you don't like say, oh no, I'll use me Steve for an example. Sometimes if we have an argument or whatever and I'm like, ah, feeling it about this and he said this and I'm really upset about this, and the next day I'm like I'm over it.
Yeah.
It's like, because I felt those emotions in that moment doesn't have to mean anything about our relationship. It was just an icky moment where we were disagreeing, we couldn't like figure it out, and then we move through it. But having a safe place where I can like vent out, Stephanie can come and be like fuck him, Steven Evans, you're being annoying, but she can just come out and be a little brat for a moment, and then I actually get to get that out and then I get to come back to center and go, Okay, well, how does Ash want to show up? Yeah? And I love that about you. You with this breakup as well, is like you take a lot of responsibility for your part to really admire, but sometimes too much responsibility, and you'd be the nice girl from a genuine place of wanting everyone to be happy and you don't want any like negative energy or drama or conflict or you know, you want emotional piece for everyone. But having a space for Tatiana allowed you to get that out and then Tiana can respond in a way she's proud of. But I think if you suppress that anger, Tiana may have acted or reacted in a way that she wasn't proud of. But Tatiana kind of takes that heat away, and then Tiana gets to be her true, authentic self and look at the memory proud of how she's responded.
Like she's saying no to anything that she doesn't deserve, saying no to any behavior that I don't want in my life or that I'm not willing to accept, and they just get to all exist. We can be kind, respectful, thoughtful, all those things, but have this like fiery side to us that equally also exists, and he's equally as powerful as the other parts of us.
So beautiful and it's just been.
So free because like now in our everyday conversations, we'll just like have a chat. We'll be sitting having like what's it called doche or something, Yeah, like sombreros or something, and we're sitting down and being like, yeah, well Stephanie thinks x y z or like Tatiana really thinks x y Z.
Sometimes we'll say something and like we'll look at each other and I'll be like, Stephanie, you just know she's entered the chat. It's like, oh, that isn't something she would probably say day to day and she would carry a bit of shame around that, but Stephanie's allowed to say it.
Yeah.
It's just it's just really cool. And I also feel Stephanie and Tatiana are a bit of a warrior archetype. Oh yeah, so they come in and I feel like Stephanie protects Ashy and little Ashi and then kind of that person that, like I don't know, just holds them and brings them up to a new level and gives them that confidence and strength to be able to do the things they want to do. There's just so much strength behind them both.
It does feel like that that's such a beautiful ways to describe it, But it does feel like that. It's like anything that Ash your Tiana might feel like, you know, or I might be judged for this, or somebody's not going to like that, or and overly being concerned about the external other people what they're gonna have to say instead of going what do I need right now?
Tia? What does Ash need?
And like, how can we honor that in this moment as well being like you're okay to put yourself first and to prioritize yourself and to have an opinion and have feelings.
An opinion that might not be accepted in society, but like we just get to have it. Yeah, like why can't you just have it?
Who says our opinions is wrong?
Yeah? You know, and it doesn't have to mean anything. Just see what you're feeling in that moment.
That part. It doesn't have to mean anything.
It doesn't. Yeah. Yeah, we've both pulled each other up a lot with different things have said and be like, yes, but you can feel that, but it doesn't have to mean anything. Yeah, like oh that's right, Yeah, cool, that feels lighter now, Yeah, true.
It doesn't mean anything about you or that in all that situation, and just because you do feel some way doesn't necessarily mean it has to hold weights and you have to run with the story that your mind is telling you.
Yeah, because when you're.
Just like okay, cool, I can have that, it really does dissolve in like a couple of minutes and then you're off doing the next thing, kind of like bringing yourself back to like being a child again. You know how children have, Like you know, they'll have a breakdown or a tantrum or something, and then the next minute they're happy.
So last like ninety seconds and then back to are. Something we also wanted to touch on was traits about ourselves that we had held shame around. But when we met and started to talk about it, we were like, oh my god, I get like that too, So this is edgy for me to talk about. There was things that came up in a friendship dynamic that they didn't like this about me, and I can understand why. Yeah, I can understand how it might feel a little bit suffocating controlling. But two traits that we have is territorial fomo and jealousy. Jealousy yeah yeah around friendships, yep, And we joke about it. Now and it's so playful and it's so fun. And once I realized Tiana had these same traits, it didn't change my love, respect, or admiration for you as a person. So then that bounced back to me in a mirror reflection, was like, so, why would you hate yourself for that? If you can love that in someone else and she loves that about you, Like, why are you hating on yourself? So it instantly dissolved that shame around it, and I was like, I can find people that can hold that part of me and not shame me for it and make it wrong. So fomo missing out on things? Fear of missing out. Jealousy it's similar, like jealous of not being invited and territorial, like you're my friend.
That's my person, that's my person. Yeah, literally, like you go hang out with somebody else, I'm like, where's my.
Invite'd be like I miss you?
Where are you?
Who you is? Yeah?
I'll be like, oh, I remember to my other friend's house And she'd be like, what other friend?
Yeah?
What do you mean? You don't have any other friends, You don't need any other friends.
You're only going to be you know, And I think we just initially just started like we first started bringing up in conversation, it was a little bit.
Like oh can I can I Yeah.
It was like we were sharing experience as of past friendship relationships and where people haven't been able to hold us in that specific thing. Like I remember in the past getting really really anxious in a certain friendship dynamic and they weren't able to hold me in it. And it was like I was made wrong for those things. And granted I probably didn't show up in the best way or like didn't know how to handle it properly back then, but it was like when we were able to bring it together, it just like was this seamless thing that was not even.
A problem anymore and fun.
We just invite each other into that and we play on it now because we know that hard.
It's a reassurance like at.
Least for me, I'm not going anywhere else.
Yeah, Like I can bring this in playfully and I know that you'll receive it in a beautiful way, yes, And it's not ever going to be something that's judged or shame or like heavy for you to receive, even.
And even in conversation, like Steve Knows who Stephanie is like she knows when she knows when she's there. So good. He's always been a safe space for me for sixteen years. There's never any judgment. He has my back. But now it's fun that I can be like this is an ashy, but Stephanie is fucking pissed. Stephanie's really fucked off about that. Like that's not okay. Yeah, I'll have my moment and he holds Stephanie really well, and then he can talk with Ashi and like figure out a solution.
It's like I got two words.
Yeah, how fun. It was so funny. The other day I saw this real and I send it to Tiana and it's these two girls like dancing singing the street and it's like, hey, you listen, Yes, you're allowed to have other friends, you just have to love me more. I can reflect back, like if I was to send that to friendships in the past, I don't think that would be received well. Yeah, and I can understand, like I said at the start, I can understand why for some people it would feel a little bit like, oh, that's a bit much. But when it's brought in a fun, playful way with Stephanie and Tatiana. It doesn't have to mean anything, and it hasn't been accepted before. That's why it was so scary.
Yeah, you know a lot of the times we're like friends with people, but they don't really know like the true us or the real us or deeper layers of who we are. And it's like, how much better are connections when you have that true knowing of who that person is and you can love them for it. It's like being able to bring these sides of us out is like loving all of us in our entirety of who we are as women. I remember a couple of times where you would feel a little bit like fearful of like stepping into your bigness or feel like there were certain things where it was like a bit of an edge to like showcase your bigness as a woman.
You do it so.
Beautifully and you own it so beautifully, and it's just a part of who you are as a woman, and I'm just like more of that, Like give me more of that, Like I want to see you in your entirety of who you are as a person without feeling like I need to make myself small for other people, and even a part of Stephanie and Tatiana is like being big without fear of taking up.
Space, yes, you know, and how feeling guilty without feeling guilty. Yes. And the more we do this, I just feel the more authentic I can be because even if people don't love me for it, like I know you love me, I know Steve loves me, I know the right people still love me for that.
Absolutely I do.
So the other people can fall away and if I'm not at their person, that's okay. Like I get it's not for everyone, but I now refuse to live my life being someone to fit in or being scared to be big in case I trigger upset, ruffle feathers, Like I don't want to live like that anymore. And I feel like over the last couple of years, I've been edgy and I've tried to step into it, but I haven't been able to fully step into it until now because now I have a safer container that so she doing this podcast together, Yeah, it feels even safer. Yeah, because it's like it's just us talking. You know, suppose from this episode we wanted to share that so that you can think of your alter ego and have this conversation with your girlfriends. Send it around so you can get on the same page with it, but also think about some of the traits that you have carried shame around, like for us fomo territorial and being jealous. The ones we have carried shame for. What are yours and where have they come from? Who can accept them? Who can hold them? And know that you can find your people that can hold that. They might not be the people in your life right now. That's okay. Everyone on their own journey and their own time from their own experiences, but there is evidence of friendships that can fully hold that. And I must say give credit to all my oldest girlfriends as well, like say Nadine and Sarah, we've gone through many dips in our friendship. I suppose not in that anything's ever happened, but say, for example, when Nadine went through her divorce, she was a single, wild party girl. I remember her saying to me, shurem, I was showing that she felt like a dog had just been let out of a cage. She was like, let me free. I'm ready to go explore, like on to meetle the boys, want to go traveling, and she just like lived her life and in that time, like I think I was pregnant with Taj, we kind of disconnected for a bit and went on our separate ways, and now we've come back together and we're closer than ever. I've noticed since I was like fifteen. We met when she was waxing my vagina with my waxa stop it conversations just why she was waxing me. I've seen you in all as but over the years, her and Sarah have always stayed really close. Even when Sarah moved to Melbourne, they were still in contact and there was the three of us. There's always been kind of like the three of us, and if they went out to lunch, like I would swipe up and be like fomoh. And they have been so beautiful and so loving to always hold me in that and just be like, we love you so much. You're always welcome. We just knew you with the kids, and sometimes like they would even invite me and be like, hey, we've got this thing on Friday night and blah blah blah, like we don't think you'll say yes because it's not your scene, but you're welcome, and I'm like, thanks for inviting me. No, I would never come to that, but the fact you invited me it makes you feel loved. They kind of almost know. I mean, it's an abandonment wound at the end of the day. It's a fear of being abandoned, which and well aware of and they know that wound and they just support that and love me on that And that's been so nice, Like how beautiful they can do that. They've done that for twenty odd years.
Yeah, that's an entirely special thing whole that ends like twenty years, like significant amount of time, and.
They still know to this day. That actually gets fomo. Let's invite her and they know how to love you, I know, and they loved me for it. They're like, we love that you always want to be with us.
How do you have any other foods?
How do you have fun without go about drinking? And like you don't like drinking, I know, but I still want to be about it.
Yeah, of course I want to be able to say no on my own accord.
Yeah, I'll be like home, I wouldn't have come, but but I love you guys. Yeah, that's really nice to have friends that can hold you in that.
Yeah, just permission for anybody out there who's just listening to this and feeling like in your relationship you have to hide certain parts of who you are, or you think that if you behave a certain ways, someone will respond negatively to that. And that's what all of this is about, is like overcoming the fear that we have that we think other people aren't gonna love us anymore?
Are you gonna judge us?
A're gonna have something to say, because most of the time.
That's all just a projection.
Yeah, it's all just.
Your own internalized fears of what you think other people are going to say about you because you're terrified of connection.
I got a question for you, though, So what if a girl listening is like, Okay, I'm going to be my biggest bold of self, or I'm gonna joke about Terry Turial or get jealous or foam of my friends. What if they do reject them? What if the friends like fuck off, like that's too much? Like how would you coach or help her navigate that? I mean, do you want Tatiana answer? Do you want? Let's go very different things. Let's go Tatiana first, and they coach Tiana like I'm sure you have women come to you with parts of themselves that they're shameful around, or they've been rejected and they don't know what to do with that rejection. They either make themselves small again and fit into the box that their partner or their friends want them to be. Yeah, because that's safe. Right then I'm not commooted out of the tribe. Yeah then I'm still love. I'm not abandoned. But if they really step into it, they're probably gonna be pushed out.
Tatiana says, go find some new fucking friends. You know, she says, go find some new fucking friends, because if they genuinely loved you, they would love all of you.
That's the thing about love.
It's a fine line between like unconditionally loving somebody but not putting up with behavior. Right, you can unconditionally love somebody and not put up with like behavior that feels disrespectful to you.
Right, whole other conversation. But that's what it's about.
It's about going like it doesn't matter good, bad.
Wrong way, whatever the fuck label you label it.
It's like, I love you for who you are, and that includes all of you, not just you know, three parts of yourself that you think I want to see on the good days.
Now I'm bored. Now I'm just kidds.
But in all honesty, like, if somebody does and isn't able to hold you in that, that's a really beautiful moment for you to self reflect and go choose you. Is this the kind of relationship or friendship that I want in my life? Like? Is this person up to the standard of depth connection, safety that I actually want in.
My immediate circle?
People who are influencing me my beliefs, how I feel about myself. You get to really have an honest conversation with yourself about that and go do I want more than this? Do I deserve more than this? Oftentimes the answer is yes, you know, because safety is everything in connection, relationships, friendships, family, doesn't matter what label. Safety is the biggest thing. And if you don't feel that from people that you're surrounded by, you will know about it. Right, So listen, pay attention to those inklings and really do an audit on whether that person is actually going to be for you or not.
And it's one thing to answer that question like what you just said there of like do I want more? And do I deserve more? Yes? So you answer that yes. The next thing is like, what do I do with that now? Because actually breaking away from an intimate relationship, a friendship, even a family member. Yeah, actually unplugging that chord and letting go and accepting that that's not what you want or what you deserve. It's really hard. I've hung on to people for way too long. Not even that anyone's done anything wrong, it's just in disalignment, but because I'm anxiously attached and I want to be loved, and I've got abandonment wounds like somebodys, you can hang on for way too long.
Yeah.
The way that I gauge whether I have a conversation with somebody or not is do I love and respect this person enough? Like are they close enough to me for me to open up this conversation with them and let them know how I'm feeling in the relationship or are they more on the acquaintance side where I feel like this can just fizzle out on its own. That's how I discern, because that's a huge conversation. Yeah, where it's like, well what do I do now? Do I have a conversation do I not?
Well?
How close are they to you?
Yeah?
Do you love them?
Do you respect them, do you care for their wellbeing? Like, then have a conversation like, hey, this is where i'm at. Can you meet me? Invite them in to meet you. If they can't and they don't have the capacity, amazing, I love you. Please go live your life or live my life and we can love each.
Other from afar. Ye doesn't have to be a heavy thing.
No, no.
And then acquaintances like usually when you're not you're not aligned, you'll fall off anyway.
It's like, we'll catch up next week. Yeah, and it never happens.
Yeah, how s Yeah we need to catch up with that copy.
Yeah yeah, still hasn't happened.
Bad. It's away. You'll know and you'll feel it. If you actually take time to be slow and stop and tune in, you'll know. Oh, I love that's a beautiful conversation. I really hope you guys go away from this episode even if you can. After this is finished, get out a journal and just sit down with yourself and reflect on this. Name your old ego, think about the traits you've been shamed for or that you shame yourself for, and bring them forward. Think about who in your life you could have this conversation with like is their girlfriends. It would be so open to this because if so, fuck yes, we will be talking about this a lot more. You know, throughout plenty episodes, you'll hear You'll hear the tone change, the energy shift when Tatiana or Stephanie have an opinion on something. And we're going to welcome to join us at any point in time when they feel they want to be heard, and you're also allowed to be heard. So we hope this episode is been fun, interesting and really empowering, and thanks for listening.
Thanks for coming along the journey with us. And I can't wait to hear what your alter eager and nets. No, they're so fun, send them in the forum or DM them or something. I need to be a party, We need to be a part of this journey with you.
Before we go.
I would love do you think maybe give them an example of how they could express their alter ego in potentially motherhood?
Oh, in motherhood.
So they're having like a really bad day and they're just.
Like, yeah, I think it was Katie Ford. She said to me once you can love being a mum, but you don't have to love every second of it. And I was like, Wow, that gives me permission to like have a little bit and complain about how hard today's been. Yeah, but yeah, sometimes Steve and I at the end of the night will have conversations around like how fucked it was today, Yeah, how hard it was, and how I couldn't wait for those little people to go to bed. Stephanie want to say little brats. Yeah, I love my children. That's the moment see where I held back yea, like they were being little brats today and it could not wait for them to go to bed and for me to be able to sit on the couch in peace talking to my husband without being interrupted. That is Stephanie. We love Stephanie and she's like, I love every moment with my kids. Every moment is so special and I've got all the time and space in the world for them. And Stephanie's like, go to bed, Mummy needs some time with Zaddy.
Yeah. How many times women would kind of have those moments, but then they're like, oh, I feel guilty and saying why.
Because there's so much shame around. If you say anything negative about being parent, you get a bunch of Karens coming towards you and like you shouldn't be complaining. Do you know how lucky you are to for pregnant? Do you know how lucky to have those babies? And yes, all of that exists, But do you know what else exists? Two things can co exist at the same time. I can be so fucking grateful and I could literally start crying right now of my gratitude for my children and my life and the joy that they bring. Equally, in the same moment, be so pushed to the edge of frustraation of just like I'm at my tether, I need a moment, and he's like, go and I'll go to my room and take some breaths. I'll go fucking jump on the trampoline or for a walk or whatever. Yeah, both of those things always co exist. Yeah, and once again, until we allow all that to be seen. If you try and suppress that it feels like you're carrying around a big bag of rocks, it's really really heavy. You're allowed to feel all of those things. So anytime any of my girlfriends come to me with feeling really frustrated, really angry, or like I don't want to be around some of my friends say this to me, I don't want to be around my children today. I'm like, yow, I don't blame me. Yeah, you're with them seven days a week, twenty four hours of the second day, I go to work and get a break. Yeah, I love that break, and I love coming home with a fresh energy ready to be present and play with them.
Yeah.
You have to look after and entertain them all day, every day, and then you're up five times a night. Yeah, no, wonder you don't want to be with your today. I don't blame your girlfriend, and I give them permission to feel all of that and not have any shame around it. So any mm's listening, any moment that you have that feeling come up and then you quickly shut it down because I shouldn't feel like that. The moment you say I shouldn't like that's when the shame comes in and is the lowest vibrational frequency to be on its guilt and shame. Yeah, we don't do that here. We rise above it. We let it all come in. We welcome her all, we accept it all, and we love ourselves for all of it. And two things can coexist.
That's when your old to ego enters the chat.
Hundred per let her come in. What is her name? Bring her in? Ye, bring her in. Tell your husband about it. Yeah, he might even have one.
Yeah, might even role play with each other.
I love that. Thanks so much for listening, guys, I really appreciate it. If you love this episode, don't forget to leave a review and a little five star rating. We love that share with your friends as well. We'd love you, guys to have this conversation with your friends, and we also love seeing your tags on social media. So you guys, listen to the episode, you take a screenshot and you upload it and tag us. We love seeing that tags. She rises, and you can take our personal pages as well.
We'll see you on the next episodes episode. Bye.