How do you know the voice in your head is lying to you?

In this episode, Kier Gaines sits down with comedian, media personality, Jess Hilarious, for an honest conversation about imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and what it really means to earn your place in the room.

What starts as a conversation about confidence quickly becomes something much deeper. Kier explores the idea that imposter syndrome isn't really about ability it's about belonging. Even after reaching milestones, building successful careers, and proving ourselves over and over again, many of us still carry the fear that someone will eventually discover we don't deserve to be where we are.

Jess opens up about her journey from creating viral content to co-hosting The Breakfast Club, writing her first book, and navigating public growth while staying true to herself. Together, she and Kier unpack the pressure of evolving in front of millions, balancing authenticity with responsibility, and learning to trust yourself even when the doubt never completely disappears.

The conversation also explores resilience, social media, mental health, parenthood, public criticism, and why success doesn't eliminate fear it simply gives you a new opportunity to face it.

Because sometimes the feeling that you don't belong isn't evidence that you're in the wrong room...

It's proof that you've grown into one you've never been in before.

In This Episode


What imposter syndrome actually is and why so many high achievers experience it


Why belonging feels harder than succeeding


Jess Hilarious on building confidence through consistency instead of validation


Transitioning from social media to The Breakfast Club


Why your next level requires a different version of you


Balancing comedy, criticism, family, and mental health


Learning to evolve without abandoning yourself


Why doubt is a feeling not a fact

Connect With Us

🌐 Website:
Learned The Hard Way Podcast

🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site

📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

📱 Follow the Show:
Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod

👤 Follow Kier:
Instagram – Kier Gaines

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

How do you know the voice in your head is lying to you?
In this episode, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier Gaines</a> sits down with comedian, media personality, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jesshilarious_official/">Jess Hilarious</a>, for an honest conversation about imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and what it really means to earn your place in the room.
What starts as a conversation about confidence quickly becomes something much deeper. Kier explores the idea that imposter syndrome isn't really about ability it's about belonging. Even after reaching milestones, building successful careers, and proving ourselves over and over again, many of us still carry the fear that someone will eventually discover we don't deserve to be where we are.
Jess opens up about her journey from creating viral content to co-hosting The Breakfast Club, writing her first book, and navigating public growth while staying true to herself. Together, she and Kier unpack the pressure of evolving in front of millions, balancing authenticity with responsibility, and learning to trust yourself even when the doubt never completely disappears.
The conversation also explores resilience, social media, mental health, parenthood, public criticism, and why success doesn't eliminate fear it simply gives you a new opportunity to face it.
Because sometimes the feeling that you don't belong isn't evidence that you're in the wrong room...
It's proof that you've grown into one you've never been in before.
In This Episode
<ul>
<li>
What imposter syndrome actually is and why so many high achievers experience it
</li>
<li>
Why belonging feels harder than succeeding
</li>
<li>
Jess Hilarious on building confidence through consistency instead of validation
</li>
<li>
Transitioning from social media to The Breakfast Club
</li>
<li>
Why your next level requires a different version of you
</li>
<li>
Balancing comedy, criticism, family, and mental health
</li>
<li>
Learning to evolve without abandoning yourself
</li>
<li>
Why doubt is a feeling not a fact
</li>
</ul>
Connect With Us
🌐 Website: <a href="https://learnedthehardwaypod.com/">Learned The Hard Way Podcast</a>
🎙️<a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW?utm_source=ig&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_content=link_in_bio&amp;fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGnrtTG55Yrn7xCcWN-exRQzPtrGaVVFZMZVBBjS-5lVG8_50IjF45C9OH_QKQ_aem_YGOm4f0piMZh0fZmh0lvpA"> Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site</a>
📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">Instagram &ndash; Learned The Hard Way Pod</a>
👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Instagram &ndash; Kier Gaines</a>
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.
<a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com/">Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions</a>

No fluff. No judgment. Just real talk. Licensed therapist Kier Gaines brings over a decade of insight to break down what it really means to be a man today the pressure, the innovation, the grief, the joy, the grind, and the opportunities to thrive. With honest stories, actionable tips, and unfiltered insights, this is the space to level up, heal, and grow. On your terms.


Edited and produced by Idea to Launch Productions

No fluff. No judgment. Just real talk. Licensed therapist <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier Gaines</a> brings over a decade of insight to break down what it really means to be a man today the pressure, the innovation, the grief, the joy, the grind, and the opportunities to thrive. With honest stories, actionable tips, and unfiltered insights, this is the space to level up, heal, and grow. On your terms.
 Edited and produced by <a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com">Idea to Launch Productions</a>

Learned the Hard Way with Kier Gaines

EP 14: Imposter Syndrome Is Lying to You Ft. Jess Hilarious

Some rooms don't just ask you to show up.They ask you to perform.

To soften your voice. To shrink your personality. To make yourself "easier" to digest. To become a version of yourself that feels acceptable even if it doesn't feel authentic.

For Black professionals, that performance often becomes second nature. We call it being professional. We call it code-switching. We call it reading the room.

But every performance has a cost.

In this episode of (L)Earned The Hard Way, Kier Gaines sits down with Savon and Antoinette, hosts of the award-winning Can't Afford Therapy Podcast, for a conversation about identity, corporate culture, authenticity, and the invisible emotional labor Black people carry every day. Together, they unpack the pressure to constantly translate yourself, the exhaustion of navigating spaces that weren't built for you, and the question so many people quietly wrestle with:

At what point does surviving become abandoning yourself?

From code-switching and racial battle fatigue to the tension between protecting your career and protecting your peace, this conversation explores what happens when success requires performance and what it looks like to finally stop paying that price.

Because maybe the goal isn't to show up perfectly.

Maybe the goal is to stop leaving pieces of yourself behind just to be accepted.

In This Episode


Why code-switching becomes second nature—and why it isn't free


The hidden emotional cost of constantly performing at work


How "professionalism" can quietly disconnect you from yourself


The difference between strategic adaptation and self-abandonment


What racial battle fatigue actually feels like over time


Learning when authenticity serves you—and when strategy matters


Building careers without sacrificing your identity


Why community changes everything when you're navigating spaces that weren't built for you


How to know when it's finally time to stop paying the performance tax


What it means to create spaces where you no longer have to perform

Key Takeaway

You can adapt to a room without disappearing inside it.

The goal isn't to be unfiltered everywhere you go. The goal is to stay connected to yourself, even when the environment asks you to be someone else.

Success should never require you to abandon your identity.

Sometimes the hardest thing you'll ever learn is that protecting your peace is just as important as protecting your paycheck.

 

Connect With Us

🌐 Website:
Learned The Hard Way Podcast

🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site

📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

📱 Follow the Show:
Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod

👤 Follow Kier:
Instagram – Kier Gaines

👤 Follow Savon:

Instagram – Savon

👤 Follow:

Instagram – Antoinette

 

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

Some rooms don't just ask you to show up.They ask you to perform.
To soften your voice. To shrink your personality. To make yourself "easier" to digest. To become a version of yourself that feels acceptable even if it doesn't feel authentic.
For Black professionals, that performance often becomes second nature. We call it being professional. We call it code-switching. We call it reading the room.
But every performance has a cost.
In this episode of (L)Earned The Hard Way, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier Gaines</a> sits down with <a href="https://www.instagram.com/savonslvter/">Savon</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/antoinettewashere/">Antoinette</a>, hosts of the award-winning <a href="https://www.instagram.com/cantaffordtherapypod/">Can't Afford Therapy Podcast,</a> for a conversation about identity, corporate culture, authenticity, and the invisible emotional labor Black people carry every day. Together, they unpack the pressure to constantly translate yourself, the exhaustion of navigating spaces that weren't built for you, and the question so many people quietly wrestle with:
At what point does surviving become abandoning yourself?
From code-switching and racial battle fatigue to the tension between protecting your career and protecting your peace, this conversation explores what happens when success requires performance and what it looks like to finally stop paying that price.
Because maybe the goal isn't to show up perfectly.
Maybe the goal is to stop leaving pieces of yourself behind just to be accepted.
In This Episode
<ul>
<li>
Why code-switching becomes second nature&mdash;and why it isn't free
</li>
<li>
The hidden emotional cost of constantly performing at work
</li>
<li>
How "professionalism" can quietly disconnect you from yourself
</li>
<li>
The difference between strategic adaptation and self-abandonment
</li>
<li>
What racial battle fatigue actually feels like over time
</li>
<li>
Learning when authenticity serves you&mdash;and when strategy matters
</li>
<li>
Building careers without sacrificing your identity
</li>
<li>
Why community changes everything when you're navigating spaces that weren't built for you
</li>
<li>
How to know when it's finally time to stop paying the performance tax
</li>
<li>
What it means to create spaces where you no longer have to perform
</li>
</ul>
Key Takeaway
You can adapt to a room without disappearing inside it.
The goal isn't to be unfiltered everywhere you go. The goal is to stay connected to yourself, even when the environment asks you to be someone else.
Success should never require you to abandon your identity.
Sometimes the hardest thing you'll ever learn is that protecting your peace is just as important as protecting your paycheck.
&nbsp;
Connect With Us
🌐 Website: <a href="https://learnedthehardwaypod.com/">Learned The Hard Way Podcast</a>
🎙️<a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW?utm_source=ig&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_content=link_in_bio&amp;fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGnrtTG55Yrn7xCcWN-exRQzPtrGaVVFZMZVBBjS-5lVG8_50IjF45C9OH_QKQ_aem_YGOm4f0piMZh0fZmh0lvpA"> Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site</a>
📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">Instagram &ndash; Learned The Hard Way Pod</a>
👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Instagram &ndash; Kier Gaines</a>
👤 Follow Savon:
<a href="https://www.instagram.com/savonslvter/">Instagram &ndash; Savon</a>
👤 Follow:
<a href="https://www.instagram.com/antoinettewashere/">Instagram &ndash; Antoinette</a>
&nbsp;
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.
<a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com/">Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions</a>

EP 16: The Performance Tax: The Price Black People Pay to Succeed (Ft. Savon & Antoinette from the Can’t Afford Therapy Podcast)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/c765ba87-fd39-41ab-8823-b48900d2add9/transcript

Being a good person doesn't automatically make you a good partner.

In this episode of (L)Earned The Hard Way, Kier Gaines unpacks one of the biggest misconceptions about relationships: character and relationship skills are not the same thing. You can be kind, loyal, funny, and deeply loved by the people around you and still consistently struggle in romantic relationships.

Kier explores the difference between being a good human and being a healthy partner, why relationships require skills most of us were never taught, and how emotional maturity, accountability, and repair shape lasting love far more than good intentions ever could.

Drawing from research by the Gottman Institute, Kier breaks down the communication patterns that quietly destroy relationships, the difference between a skills gap and a character problem, and why consistency not perfection is the real measure of emotional health.

If you've ever wondered whether you're choosing the wrong people... or whether there's work you still need to do yourself... this conversation is for you.

In This Episode


Why being a good person doesn't automatically make you a good partner


The difference between relationship skills and character flaws


The Four Horsemen that predict relationship failure


Why relationships are group projects not custom-made experiences


Emotional regulation, repair, accountability, and differentiation


How childhood shapes the way we love as adults


Questions to help you honestly evaluate how you show up in relationships

Healing doesn't begin when you find the right partner.

It begins when you become one.

Connect With Us

🌐 Website:
Learned The Hard Way Podcast

🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site

📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

📱 Follow the Show:
Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod

👤 Follow Kier:
Instagram – Kier Gaines

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

Being a good person doesn't automatically make you a good partner.
In this episode of (L)Earned The Hard Way,<a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/"> Kier Gaines </a>unpacks one of the biggest misconceptions about relationships: character and relationship skills are not the same thing. You can be kind, loyal, funny, and deeply loved by the people around you and still consistently struggle in romantic relationships.
<a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier</a> explores the difference between being a good human and being a healthy partner, why relationships require skills most of us were never taught, and how emotional maturity, accountability, and repair shape lasting love far more than good intentions ever could.
Drawing from research by the Gottman Institute, Kier breaks down the communication patterns that quietly destroy relationships, the difference between a skills gap and a character problem, and why consistency not perfection is the real measure of emotional health.
If you've ever wondered whether you're choosing the wrong people... or whether there's work you still need to do yourself... this conversation is for you.
In This Episode
<ul>
<li>
Why being a good person doesn't automatically make you a good partner
</li>
<li>
The difference between relationship skills and character flaws
</li>
<li>
The Four Horsemen that predict relationship failure
</li>
<li>
Why relationships are group projects not custom-made experiences
</li>
<li>
Emotional regulation, repair, accountability, and differentiation
</li>
<li>
How childhood shapes the way we love as adults
</li>
<li>
Questions to help you honestly evaluate how you show up in relationships
</li>
</ul>
Healing doesn't begin when you find the right partner.
It begins when you become one.
Connect With Us
🌐 Website: <a href="https://learnedthehardwaypod.com/">Learned The Hard Way Podcast</a>
🎙️<a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW?utm_source=ig&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_content=link_in_bio&amp;fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGnrtTG55Yrn7xCcWN-exRQzPtrGaVVFZMZVBBjS-5lVG8_50IjF45C9OH_QKQ_aem_YGOm4f0piMZh0fZmh0lvpA"> Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site</a>
📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">Instagram &ndash; Learned The Hard Way Pod</a>
👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Instagram &ndash; Kier Gaines</a>
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.
<a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com/">Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions</a>

EP 15: You Can Be a Good Person... and Still Be a Bad Partner

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/51c02c49-3748-4214-aa16-b48200a93fe5/transcript

Are leaders born... or do they become one decision at a time?

In this solo episode of Learned The Hard Way, Kier Gaines challenges one of the most common beliefs about leadership: that it's something you're entitled to instead of something you earn.

From relationships and parenthood to business and community, Kier explores what leadership actually looks like when you remove ego, dominance, and performance from the equation. Because being the loudest person in the room isn't leadership. Neither is making every decision alone.

Instead, real leadership is about creating environments where the people around you can thrive     even when you're not the smartest, strongest, or most visible person in the room.

Through personal stories, therapy insights, and examples from his own family, Kier unpacks why leadership is less about control and more about responsibility, humility, and service.

If you've ever been told you're supposed to lead or you've questioned whether you're doing it well...this conversation will challenge the way you think about influence, authority, and the legacy you're building every day.

In This Episode


Why leadership is earned not inherited


The difference between leadership and dominance


Why control isn't the same as influence


The hidden pressure many men feel to "have all the answers"


How servant leadership creates stronger families and teams


Why giving others a voice makes you a better leader


What leadership looks like in marriage and parenting


The role humility plays in becoming someone people actually want to follow


Questions every leader should ask themselves

Key Takeaway

Leadership isn't about being in charge.

It's about making the people around you stronger because you were there.

Sometimes the greatest leaders aren't the ones standing in front of everyone—they're the ones creating space for everyone else to rise.

 

Connect With Us

🌐 Website:
Learned The Hard Way Podcast

🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site

📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

📱 Follow the Show:
Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod

👤 Follow Kier:
Instagram – Kier Gaines

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

Are leaders born... or do they become one decision at a time?
In this solo episode of Learned The Hard Way, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier Gaines</a> challenges one of the most common beliefs about leadership: that it's something you're entitled to instead of something you earn.
From relationships and parenthood to business and community,<a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/"> Kier</a> explores what leadership actually looks like when you remove ego, dominance, and performance from the equation. Because being the loudest person in the room isn't leadership. Neither is making every decision alone.
Instead, real leadership is about creating environments where the people around you can thrive &nbsp; &nbsp; even when you're not the smartest, strongest, or most visible person in the room.
Through personal stories, therapy insights, and examples from his own family, Kier unpacks why leadership is less about control and more about responsibility, humility, and service.
If you've ever been told you're supposed to lead or you've questioned whether you're doing it well...this conversation will challenge the way you think about influence, authority, and the legacy you're building every day.
In This Episode
<ul>
<li>
Why leadership is earned not inherited
</li>
<li>
The difference between leadership and dominance
</li>
<li>
Why control isn't the same as influence
</li>
<li>
The hidden pressure many men feel to "have all the answers"
</li>
<li>
How servant leadership creates stronger families and teams
</li>
<li>
Why giving others a voice makes you a better leader
</li>
<li>
What leadership looks like in marriage and parenting
</li>
<li>
The role humility plays in becoming someone people actually want to follow
</li>
<li>
Questions every leader should ask themselves
</li>
</ul>
<hr>
Key Takeaway
Leadership isn't about being in charge.
It's about making the people around you stronger because you were there.
Sometimes the greatest leaders aren't the ones standing in front of everyone&mdash;they're the ones creating space for everyone else to rise.
&nbsp;
Connect With Us
🌐 Website: <a href="https://learnedthehardwaypod.com/">Learned The Hard Way Podcast</a>
🎙️<a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW?utm_source=ig&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_content=link_in_bio&amp;fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGnrtTG55Yrn7xCcWN-exRQzPtrGaVVFZMZVBBjS-5lVG8_50IjF45C9OH_QKQ_aem_YGOm4f0piMZh0fZmh0lvpA"> Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site</a>
📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">Instagram &ndash; Learned The Hard Way Pod</a>
👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Instagram &ndash; Kier Gaines</a>
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.
<a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com/">Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions</a>

EP 13: Are You Leading... or Just Controlling?

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/55559f3b-f98e-4eb6-8936-b47400b4e524/transcript

EP 14: Imposter Syndrome Is Lying to You Ft. Jess Hilarious

Learned the Hard Way with Kier Gaines

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