Explicit

“The Russian Tsarina” (w/ Sarah Squirm)

Published Aug 23, 2023, 9:00 AM

She’s back and she’s cute as a pumpkin, it’s Sarah Squirm! Bowen’s flying solo this week but is joined but his OTHER Long Island track star Piscean legend, and she’s currently “of touring experience” in a city near you. Bowen and Sarah discuss what grade they would teach, what the Eras Tour even is, and how incredible it was that Michael Jackson was the biggest freak who was also the most famous person in the world. Fascinating treatises on “relatability” in culture get their overdue space on the pod, and you MUST wait for the story about the titular Russian Tsarina. Get your tickets for Sarah Squirm on tour at https://linktr.ee/sarahsquirm. @sarahsquirm

Bonus episodes are available early for subscribers to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/lasculturistas

Look mayre, Oh, I see you my own bow and look over there is that culture Yes, goodness, wow, lost cult dang dong last culturista is calling. That's right. Don't adjust your dials. It's just bowing today. Matt is taking a well deserved break, very well deserved. I mean, you all know it's fine. He just had so much fun at Kelly Clarkson in Vegas. I could not join him because I was at home losing eight pounds to a bacterial infection. It's all good, it's all good. Oh and my guest got me a bagel burger. And you want to know something, I didn't even open the back to see what it was or what it looked like, because I guess what did not have an appetite. Swallowing felt like daggers. I threw it in the garbage. Isn't that terrible? Sorry, Greta Thunberg. Well, anyway, I mean, let's just get right into it. Our guest is one of the great amuse status even to me, at least to my mind. When I think, I think, I think she's America's muse in a way. She's on her Live and in the Flesh tour this summer upcoming dates August twenty fifth in Portland, August twenty sixth in Seattle at the Thing Fest, September seventh at the hop Scotch Music Festival in Raleigh, September eighth in DC, September ninth in Pittsburgh. That's the Beyonce makeup show for the Renaissance tour.

People.

We're sorry she canceled, but Sarah's coming into town, and of course September tenth in Philly and September thirteenth in LA I think I got those dates right. This is all from memory. This is all from because guess what, I love our guests so much and you must go see her on tour. Seeing this person live is I think a pretty religious experience. I remember the first time I saw this girl and I thought, I'm gonna be crying to her on Thursdays about my sketch beating polled. I know we can't talk about the show that we're on together because of this damn strike, these double strikes. But you know where to find her, you know her, you love her so much. She really is one of the great minds, people, styles, aesthetic legends of the world and generation.

Everyone welcome Sarah scorm. So many did their damn homework. Honey.

I love to go home and right on my little work book. Hi, Sarah.

If you put a gun to my head and said, what are your tour dates? And tell me the days and tell me the bad news, I would not be able to do. Honey.

Well, you're living it. You're up there performing, you don't. You don't have time to worry about dates. I'm hosting a damn show where I have a guest done, and I need to sort of get up to.

See you giving pom pilot vibes, pompilot vibes. I don't like this sound of that.

Did you have one?

No? Did you?

I remember we got the costco version, the budget costco version, and it was a posy. Hey, sorry, palm, you didn't slay until the trio.

You didn't have one? No, because don't you need it to schedule? Did your dad have one? Your parents.

A gender thing? Oh?

You don't think my school teacher mother had a pomp pilot to be scheduling when when's homework and one's quizzes? That would be cunty she did. If mom was serving pomp pilots down the house, boot down the house boo. I want whatever bacterial infection you had tell me more, Yeah, I want it.

I just want to.

Cleanse you want to.

I do feel like reborn, Like I think I'm coming out of this being like I'm never smoking a cigarette ever again in my life.

Cigarette.

That's interesting. Like you don't have like a pregnancy craving. It's like I'm never gonna eat garlic again or something like that. You had a bike to that's a crazy what's the opposite of craving? I don't know an anti craving? Me, Hi, that's really what I just like thirty seconds. No, it's an a to see. You're laughing too much to me because you're.

I haven't been live in the flesh with you actually.

And.

You're making me laugh and you are making me feel shy. Why because you were going like this next person coming to the stage is the muse. She's the icon, she's the moment.

And I was getting shy and I was giggling.

But you know, this is how I feel about.

This is not a discovery for you well and not you know, for the listeners at home. One of the best compliments I've ever received in my life, my short life, barely legal life on this planet is that you said that the short that I made was a visual feast live on Lost Culture.

But that was when we were on Zoom, and like we didn't really know each other that well, but that.

Was like I put that in my hat as the nicest compliment I ever received, and that was live on Lost culteresas.

I've given you at least a baker's dozen more better compliments.

But there is something about the texture. We didn't know each other that well, and for you to just come right out and say what you made was a visual feast, I said, so you do know me better than I know my self actually, but you knew that about yourself. You just need to put words to the paper into Yeah.

Now, where does this come from this? Because no, no, no, no, this is a compliment that I was. This is the most accurate compliment I've ever given you, which was something I told you the other day, which is you are someone. You're the person who is the most attuned to literally, like in antiquity, when people would describe like genius, it would be like the root word is gin, Like it's a genius. It's like a fucking demon in the walls and it's like you commune with the demon in the walls, and it's like and it's kind of a liberating thing because of whatever work you make, whether it's great or bad, it's like you can't take all the credit for it.

I'm closing my eyes right now to erase you, so I don't even hear because you said planet, well, you're sure.

Sorry, Okay, I'm being I'm being I'm being alone, you're being well.

No, I do sometimes feel like that. Oftentimes creativity can be a demon that does possess you. Yes, because the worst feeling. Actually this is something Jack Bensinger, which is that sometimes I do feel plagued by like, oh my god, I just had an idea, but I don't have a pen and paper to write it down. And actually I'd rather die than be in this situation right now. And Jack said, if you ever have an idea, and I'm outing him right now.

We love Jack ben Singer. Jack Benson readers Katie's PUBLICI is finalized.

Check him out. He's a good one. He is a good he's one to watch. He when he has an idea and he can't write it down because he's being possessed by the demon yes, he goes like this, he holds onto it and so then like whatever, whenever the movie's over, because he couldn't write it down during the movie, he goes, why are my fingers like this? Oh yeah, I'm holding onto that idea and he remembers it.

He's a genius.

Did I just out him like that's like one of the most intimate, vulnerable things about a person, how you hold onto your idea.

But I don't think that's like a naked sort of exposition. Though we can ask him.

After permission, do I have consent to out your creative process?

And then if he says no, then we're cutting this.

Cut it.

But if you're seeing this at home, if you're listening to this amazing.

Incredibly like you're in the shower, you're all SuDS dub you couldn't possibly write something now and you're completely wet, And then does he tend to okay?

So so so for people who are listening who can't see it's what Jack Ben Singer does is he puts his fingertips together, his index and his thumb.

Right, I forgot a podcast is in a visual medium.

We forget all the time. And but he puts his tips together just to like kind of like kind of like not quiet coyote, but the opposite of quie coyote, where it's index.

And the W and what could you possibly be talking about about a quiet coyote? This is quiet coyote? And who is she?

This? This is for classrooms. This is like a second grade like qui coyote?

One two three, eyes on me?

Yeah, drop everything and read could be teaching. I could be teaching. We should be teaching because these girls, these girls need to know, they need to not you would be what great would you teach? I would teach the oldest that you could be.

That is the bravest answer you could be.

Because I want to come in and be like, every single thing you've been taught is wrong and you need to go back and respect your mother's of history.

That is so brave. This is how I know you're fearless.

No, no, But here's the thing.

I think it's also because that is like the age demographic that I feel the most like I need to get to. Like you look to your left and you look to your right at Sarah Scormliman in the flesh, and you are not seeing those age of people. I'm telling you.

That that, but you want them?

I want them, I want them becau doesn't that make you feel don't you get all the like twenty year olds and like the nineteen year olds listening in tuning.

In, I think they don't like us.

What do we have to do to get them to like us? I'm not like too impressed to impress. I feel like they're hey, they're fine. I feel like if they like us, they'll us. But I feel like this is interesting that you're connecting. Great. I'm going.

You want these students to be in your audience because I also understand that like younger kids. Younger kids, they already like love you, colors.

Shiny your baby, I'm baby, gotta love me. But you know, there have been like fourteen year old in my audience this summer that the parents took them and I have open assholes on the screen during my show, and I kind of stand there and I go, should I say something? I feel like because it's the poster is a trigger warning, there's a on it, there's some blood on it. No Sarah squirm, you would think it's gonna I know, but I do feel guilt, of course. No, I've created a traumatic experience for the family.

I was just at dinner with a father of adolescence go on about this. It was Michael RHUs Kane, wonderful comedian, and he was talking about taking his kids to see someone's movie that's coming out. I can't say what those.

Pencils down, we're on.

Pencils down and acting drama masks down as well. I should have put that on shirts. Acting drama masks down as well.

Acting drama masks down as well. I got an invite to well, I can't even say to something that you're in ah, and I can't partake.

No, none of us can be partaking.

Well, I think they were inviting me to have the screen or dropped?

Got it?

Do you think I should do it? Just to bear witness, just a bear witness, anyone has like show up?

This is okay? Tell me if this is annoying. This is the shakest thing, which is that Sarah is in but we we can't but we can't talk about it.

We can't talk about it right right, I'm going to hop out your your embarrassment.

But why do we get this?

Oh?

Oh guilt hmmm. I think the parents are like I don't care because.

They're like they've seen everything on the internet.

And the kids have seen everything on the internet, and they've heard everything under the sun, right right.

I mean, I just like, can you imagine having the access that these children be having. What was the ludist thing that I had ever seen?

Right, because like you'd seen like a Cronenberg film by the time you were like twelve.

I saw the Shining when I was eleven, and I threw up?

What part? What part did you throw out?

That old lady? I didn't understand the blow job? Yeah, because I didn't know what it meant. Well, he's like in a dog costume or a bear costume, and that was the image that kind of stuck with me as an after image behind the closed eyelids, and I threw up. I was scared.

That is a little unsettling. It if you don't know what it is, your brain literally at that age can't fill in the gaps, and you're like, nothing can fill in that space. I have nothing to do but empty myself.

Yes, oh my god, say that.

We need to talk about the fear of empty. I think it's what governs everything. Go start now, it's what like fucking that feeling post nut is about like that feeling, that feeling when you're like you've just you nutted and you go, I feel a.

Craving empty right now, like you talking about this back to your life.

I'm craving the purge. I want to.

Start at zero.

But this is a good thing because you want you fetishize the empty, which is which no one does. So the fear of empty is like fucking what we experience every summer. It's like I got nothing going on. I have a fucking breakdown every summer. Totally fear empty is having a light show. Let's say, yes, total, well, or I don't know, it's not it's not quite that. I'm kind of sending this.

No, I know what you mean, but like I am now that we never in my life have I like, I have a job, and so I well, I don't. Actually I'm pencils down drama mass, the curtains, theaters closed, the theaters dark on Monday. But now that, as someone who works and is busy, I crave an empty, open schedule, and I fantasize about going on a long bohemian walk, yes, and just having my little thoughts.

And this time hasn't really counted, has it? No one has, why I wondered, I don't.

Know you're empty? Is there a book I can read about this?

Yes, it's called Animal Joy and it's about laughter, and it's so and.

What do we always say? Laughter? Laughter is the best medicasion.

You know?

Who makes me laugh more? No one makes me laugh more than mister mister B.

Mister B, why thank you?

But I think someone who makes us as a duo laugh more than anybody is Matt Rogers.

I can't even There have been many a time when I text Bowe and I say, I'm currently listening to lostcul Teresa's right now laughing my literal ass off.

I'm just gonna say I'm doing okay right now, flying solo. But Matt's the one who really drives.

The damn laughs. You know what I'm saying? Well, because today this today we're doing a Ted talk on if you're of empty? Yes, so the laughs will come later, but we are. We're being boone and serious, We're.

Being bow and serious. But I love nothing more than to talk with you about this shit. You have such a connection to every part of this, the instrument, the generative process of it. Like I'm like Sarah is.

Can I be telling you about things that are unlocking me. Actually tell me voice lessons, because there are in your throat that you have no idea about. Actually you you have control over your voice in a way that many people do.

Not, and stand up, be counted and use your voice. Wait, tell me.

There's just like I've been taking voice lessons and I'm learning to scream voice lessons from Melissa Cross Scream Coach to the Stars and there You're really good at screaming without breaking the instrument, without hurting the instrument.

I have no control, but I'm blessed with screaming. I can scream. I love screaming, especially at work. I love screaming. Yes, but you can, thank god I have. I stuffer no consequence as well, because you have.

A connection to your throat chakra that not many people have. That's why you're not getting hurt.

I close my eyes, I think blue. I think blue.

Is that true?

Well, not not always, But if I want to align my chakras, the first one I go for is blue is his throat.

And that's why you.

Don't have difficulty expressing yourself. I do do you?

I do?

I do?

It's inflamed sometimes you see in.

You see this is interesting to me.

This is orange, which is sacrel?

Are you and that's no?

No, no, no, no no sacral which rude sacral solar Tux's heart throat, third eye.

I want to be meaning better connection with my root. I'll tell you.

That my root, my root needs to be uprooted. Okay, nothing's been down there.

My root has been blowing out the toilet lately.

Okay, so back to your in full effect.

Oh of course, well maybe that is what's going.

No, did I tell you?

I went to the gastron testinal doctor and he was like, did every test.

On the planet put tubes on my throat? Put tubes up the.

Thrown your throat?

He put, yes, I got an endosco bey.

Can you believe something like this?

Did it inspire anything?

Yes? You might have to see the show and if I know, But he literally, and I respect this, He went, I don't know what to tell you. You're just Jewish? Can you respect? Excuse me?

I can't respect Jewish? Okay, but still.

But you shouldn't know better to say that you have an incurable disease, which is being Jewish.

And he went to school. He gets paid so much money to say to go beyond you're Jewish.

But I actually kind of appreciated it because he was like, you actually don't have a problem. The problem is so deep within you that it's like inseparable for so I don't buy it. He was like, basically like, your disability is that you're Jewish.

No, I don't like that.

I do like it because it's like, you're not crazy.

You have this.

Okay, as long as you're you know what I'm saying, As long as you're like at ease.

Well, I'm as as much at ease as I can be as someone who's blowing their back out diary style.

And what I've been blowing my back out diary style and tot for my whole adult life. I'm worried that it's something.

I'm going to tell you something and nobody in this room is gonna like it. Tell me its stress. Don't you hate that when the doctor is like it's stressed and you're like, yeah, well I know that, right.

It's like my doctor telling me like you're Jewish, Like.

Yeah, I know, I tell you this, but doctor's orders are Jewish.

I know that. Okay. God, I need to get to the bottom of voice lessons, tell me, tell me more.

It's just okay, I'm gonna say something that's not gonna make sense. Okay, because it's eleven am the Witching Hour, it's too early. That's a rule of culture number six sixty seven. Eleven am, the Witching Hour. I love that when you guys do that. Dan, No, someone's at the door. I hope it's my bagel burger.

Oh my god, I say that every episode.

Well, I can't believe you throw it out.

I'm sorry.

You can put it in the fridge. I'm not like that.

I don't.

Fridge is not the way. You know what I'm saying, Know what I'm saying. I Well, it's just I'm unlocking different parts of my oat that I didn't know that I could use to express myself. And I can make sounds in ways that I didn't even know about. And how you make sounds, you know how they say like language shaped understanding. Couldn't agree more war the tube in which you use to express language could actually shape your understanding of language, which can actually shape your understanding of ideas. If this makes sense, if you can follow me, and then I mean not to brag. I've also been taking polonius cos and does that affect the tube you use well, because it's like they're like, actually, your challenge for today is you have to move this specific muscle that you didn't even know existed. And you're like, wait, that's actually the fact that now I can access this muscle that I didn't know it existed, Like now it could be weaponized as a tool for laughter.

It's like therapy. It's like, once I have an awareness of the issue, I can either solve or weaponize.

You know, and you know that my therapist broke up with me.

Of course we want to do We want to get into this because I think it's really interesting because has this man has done you wrong?

And we don't have to get into it. We can get into I don't know how specific we should get into because he can be tracked down easily by the public.

But he and he might deserve to be tracked down.

Listen, listen, listen, listen. People just gotta know that he told me that I looked as cute as a pumpkin.

This man, this man is not appropriate.

Appropriate and by the way, cute as a pumpkin. Oh okay, sir, it's July. Sorry that cute as a string.

Those are adorable. Literally, I was going to say, and that is so cute. A Christmas pumpkin is their presence inside.

I didn't really know what her doesn't she look? What do you think this is?

I think that's the bear hugging a pumpkin wearing the cap is a head, but it looks like it's in the pumpkin. It's a really interesting picture.

What did you say that this pumpkin is shockingly red?

It's a red pumpkin. It's a blood pumpkin.

Say that from where she can hear?

She can hear. I'm so sorry. Wait, we don't. We don't have to talk about him.

I just like he's out there and he's listening tonight.

And if you're listening, just know you walked out on the best mind pussy of your life.

You can't you can't have this. You can't come from this place though, because I think.

Vindictive wanting revenge against my therapists.

You can want revenge. I just I don't think he was the best fit for you in the long term.

Not didn't help.

When I texted him, I said, I just need you to know I am having constant, intrusive thoughts that I am at the bottom of the ocean in the Titan submarine.

When everyone's like, where's the sub?

Where's the sub You're like, I'm in it. Like I'm in it, and I would like be on stage like in the middle of like my hour, and I would just be I'm sorry, everybody. I have to just take time to acknowledge that I'm currently at the bottom of the ocean. Yes, like all of a sudden, I be dropped into being them at the bottom of the ocean.

That's huge of you, though, I is it to be such.

An EmPATH that I was? I was on the sub with them.

It's not your I don't think it's that you're an mpath. Sure, you're an EmPATH. You're connecting, You're connecting to their experience, you're absorbing it as your own in some way.

Was making it about me? Go on, maybe a giant tragedy about me? Go on.

It's that you're so aware of your own state and surroundings that you're like, guys, I'm on the Titan submersible. Please, I know I'm on stage right now, but we need to just take a second to just acknowledge. And I think that's amazing.

I just like couldn't escape, and neither could they.

Will you do you feel like you've escaped?

I have. Actually I was released when when they died, when they died, when we when we discovered that they died.

So it's more about like a collective consciousness.

Yes, I was into sort of a symbology in the collective unconscious. Wow. But then when I would like to I texted him like I'm having intrusive thoughts that I'm in, i am at the bottom of the ocean. He would kind of like stoke the fire and send me like a bunch of like crazy conspiracy paintings done by like a schizophrenic outsider artist about Titanic submarine conspiracy theories connecting it to wars in the Middle East, and I was like, this is actually not helping.

And this is what I'm saying, is that that's a perfectly illustrative thing where he was not being give. He was not giving the give, as Sarah likes to say. And then I've kind of copped for my own in my own vocabulary.

I mean, who could of course, I'm not the birth mother who couldn't cop what I want to say? Things about culture that I shouldn't say muzzle me. No, I'm not gonna. I will not.

I will look into my eyes on God. I would never muzzle you. I would never ever signed.

I just going to say something that's going to get me say it. I'm gonna it's gonna get me sent it probably won't. We've said we'll cut it off if we feel like that.

Some one explained to me the a you want. Okay, we'll explain to you the Aras tour.

Do you want to go their girlfriend?

Girlfriend? I would love to go there.

Girlfriend.

You are so on, You're so on. By the way, she we need to talk about Marianne because well she were voting for we're voting for her.

Yeah, of course.

Period.

Well we're actually working in the guts.

I'm doing her and Cornell West.

I'm voting for two. You can you can?

Okay?

So this is.

Aras Tour, Well, what questions do you have? It's Taylor Swift. She's up there doing three and a half hours of songs.

Would you have to respect?

Which you have to respect? That is the one undeniable thing that I think, no matter where you're coming from, you can go. That's that's something you have to respect. You have to respect that. But what else, By the way, I think you are setting people free. You are giving fucking Moses right now, and there there will be a fucking There.

Will be repercussions for what I'm like, I'm saying.

But then guess what. Guess what's waiting for you at the end of this A treat, A passover?

You know what I'm saying. I just am like, Okay, listen, I got what now.

Don't be afraid you're musling yourself. I'm not musling, you know what I'm saying.

Did you see me blackout and go somewhere else? Were you?

Were you in this submersible?

Well? I just got really distracted actually by how like the crazy lights are in the iHeart radio. Yeah, lights do be crazy?

Dooby do they do?

Do? I just what are we talking about? Yeah? Give me Madonna? Give celebration tour, Madonna. If you're listening to this, we're gonna be there a celebration tour front row.

Her dates are crazy, though, it's like right in the middle of work, were assuming we're back at work. It's like after read through and then Thursday night, and then Friday night, and then Saturday.

It's like, well we can't. I just like, this is what really pisses me.

Cult Come on.

Would stop making fun of Madonna. That is period, that is your mother, their period, and all throughout history, throughout time, throughout every era, everyone's been mad at Madonna, making fun of Madonna. Mean to Madonna almost lost her wait almost, and it was fucking scary, And I go, we need to be remembering who the stars are. And it's celebration tour.

Period, celebration to period. We're going, we're going, We're going. Okay, okay, so you're confused the aras to us not celebration tour.

I just am like, if she is she really our generations Madonna? You know she's not. She's not, but that is how sheers. She's her own thing.

And I think she's like, I know this is about to sound crazy, sauce crazy. She is our generations beatles in that with the breath of the genres are wide. It's a wide birth of genres. It's that the mania around her is.

Like you're saying, there's Beatlemania around.

Her, there's beatlemania around one person in a way that's different from like Elvis or fucking like you know, like anyone between Elvis and Madonna, it's like people are connecting on like a songwriting level and like on an aesthetic level that is like neither here nor there.

It's like, but it's like relatable in a way that I can't. I do not want my superstars to be relatable at all, aspirational to the point of like they are aliens walking the planet and it's like you can't even like how could you even aspire to Madonna? How could you aspire to be a goddam.

On bed exactly Like I have a very healthy relationship I think with Gaga, let's say where it's like I need her to be an alien to me at all for the rest of our lives.

And she is remaining to be alien.

She's remaining to be alien. That is like and that that is something that is a model that is established by Madonna, right and even like Michael Jackson, you know what I'm saying, It's like Michael Jackson, will, We're not going to have that. The person closest to that is I guess maybe Beyonce right now, where it's like she comes out on stage and people start fainting totally, like we're not gonna get that necessarily with anyone else, you know, and what I want to say about Michael Jackson, this can be cut.

I just think it's like true, how do I say this?

No, say whatever you're gonna say, because we have a million corollaries.

Totally, it is like unbelievable that that person was the most.

Beloved human being on the planet.

It's crazy.

And he was a fucking freak.

Yes, and that is the last time a freak.

No, I know, I know, I know.

Like, and we are not, by the way, we are not last coulteress excluding the things he is not. No, yeah, I think, but it is like amazing that It's like I want to live in a world where the biggest freak on the place is the most famous person on the universe.

I know, like we've lost something, We've lost.

Something, and people aren't even like they don't make freaks like that anymore.

They don't make freaks like that anymore, And there won't be stars. I don't think there will ever be someone like that who is like the New York Times did this whole thing where I think it's on still processing where it's like this is like right when like the Neverland documentaries are coming out. It's like, you can't really cancel Michael Jackson because he's baked into every facet of pop culture totally. And I'm saying, like, if we're gonna talk about a dona, let's talk about Michael. Where it's like every dance move, melodic structure, piece of clothing that a pop star wears, the root is Michael. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

The root is Michael.

Maybe maybe Elvis if you go like a layer, but the root is generally Michael Jackson totally.

You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. I was like, what are you gonna do? Not play pop music apartments? Was no, of course, you're like pop music apartments.

Of course. And then you explain to your kids, you go, well, he was, you know, troubled and she caused a lot of harm.

Are you not.

Supposed to like play off the wall?

Well, I say you can't.

Well, I think you're You're allowed to do whatever you want.

Nobody knows what I do in the privacy of my own home on my kitchen. Sons are you sent to SOS?

I was sent to so nos. You were sent to Sonas? And I call it my kitchen, soas my kitchen. So nos, that's a so nos era. I think what do you mean? Is it called an era?

Oh?

I think it's called Era's Tour. I'man Do you have any other questions about Aerostour?

I do you know what mean?

Yeah? You know what I mean?

I know what you mean?

And just okay, yeah.

Is it the lyricism and the what is getting you there?

What is getting you there? What's the storytelling?

What's getting you there? Is that Taylor Swift is the perfect like artist who is also at the same time, you know, it's like those dolls that like when you flip the skirt, it's one doll. You flip the skirt down, it's another doll. She's the perfect person to switch from I'm popstar too. I am also the surrogate for the audio.

So this is what's interesting. I do not want to see my life at all reflected in anything. Do you know what I'm saying Where it's like I don't want to watch real House, unique girl. No, No, I'm escape girl. I'm fantasy girl.

And I'm saying, if you see yourself represented on a stage like that, then it's like, well, fuck you you're doing my thing.

Ah, that's interesting, my thing pumpkin spice, spice and cute as the pumpkins. I just am like, why would you want to see your like a mediocre, boring life reflected back day on a stage. I came to this.

Show so I can forget it.

It's like when we watch with housewives and it's like, I want to see such oppressive wealth, huh that I am transported away from my shitty one bedroom apartment that stinks a little bit because I burned the incense to the core, to the core, and like, I don't want to see a fraction of a sliver of my life when I'm watching these women.

See but you're so attuned to like that separation in your life, and I think most human beings on this earth are not.

And that's that is what I have to say about culture currently as a lost culturesa the culture has got to change so totally like you aren't.

You can be like, there's nothing more whole about a person than knowing this is who I am, and this means these are the things that I am not, and therefore I can more healthily engage with the things that I am not.

Right, Oh, that. I guess new therapists just dropped his bonem.

This guy, I'm gonna say was not good. This was not a good guy. Am I allowed to say.

That he was not good? Yes? And I would?

So I was in dream analysis?

And was he?

Was he the dream and analysts?

He was?

Of course there are better ones out there, heerio.

Or here's my new thought, here's my new takee Okay, maybe we don't need.

To be doing the dream analysis, Sarah.

Maybe maybe? But was he coming at it from You're Gonna Love this book, by the way, Animal Joy? Because was he doing it? Was his dream analysis? Was he doing it from the the Freudian school union?

Huh? Union?

Is it about like sublimation and like condensation and like And it was.

Like I'd be like I had a dream where well, okay, we're.

One thing replaced, like one thing stands in for another thing. It's not that like, Oh I had a sex dream about Tom Cruise. I guess I fucking am attracted to Tom Cruise. No, Tom Cruise is standing in for another Yes.

That's like your super egos like way of managing Yeah, the monstrous other and blah blah blah. It's like well, maybe I just want to fuck Tom Cruise. Ever thought about that? Or was that fucking crazy? No? Well that's what Like, I couldn't get my mind around that. I was my puny, little limited like monkey brain couldn't even fathom for one second. It's like, well, maybe I did just want to fuck Tom Cruise, and maybe I don't need all your fucking crazy bullshit.

Maybe so maybe I where are you now with this journey? Do you want a new therapist?

I do? But then I was also like I and I'm gonna say another things that'll get me locked up and thrown away with that te I think that there are me therapists roaming these hollowed halls. Don't he should be in jail.

They are so.

Fanny fucking therapists and they a lot of them are very stupid, stupid.

I know where to start. Yeah, with the calling Real Housewives. Every therapist who goes on Real Housewives, I go go to jail.

Well they're not Do you notice they're not therapists. It's like it says like Guru or something. Yeah, yeah, it's always Guru or like it's like council or you know what I'm saying. Yeah, they need well. During the do you remember who was she saying? It didn't say therapists In the lower third, it said like L C.

S W A social work just kidding me. Love them, but we're banking pots and pants for them. We're pots with seven p M. I'm on the dock. But you know, you know, you know, I know I do. On Jessell Bryant's Instagram every week is on I go. You need to see a therapist. She doesn't want to be on TV. Fucking idiot.

This is why I'm here today because me and Bone actually extremely disagree. I'm gonna kill you. I are you gonna kill you? My favorite housewives on the planet. You're dead, Zelle, period. You don't put a face like that anywhere. She's got my face.

It's the eyes. Looks, study the face a little bit more all wrong to.

Up cheap bones towards the heavens to God, filled with thanks to God. She's dressed well, fucking free, exactly exactly that's what I want to be seeing.

I don't want to be seeing a shirt and pants.

I want to be seeing a Oh I I guess we're hot, glowing a feather boa too.

The neckline of a V neck T shirt or whatever.

That I wish you would do that.

She is out here wearing like and yoga pants, but and then like.

A giant like turquoise ear rings. Awesome, awesome specifics, there are giant turquoise earrings. I think you're so fucking wrong. I think she's one of the best we have. Gets on TV and she goes, I'm gonna fuck all of your lives up. Guess what, see, your stupid little lives, I'm gonna ruin them. And guess what that makes amazing TV? Ramona Singer the best housewife in history? So stupid today I came Dieheart Radio to defend Michael Jackson Pomonas and then you can.

All bashful you supporting openly racist housewives.

She is delivering when no one on the planet can have. Both of these women are missing the part of the human brain that has empathy, compassion and reason.

Right, so they're like perfect. There's a pathology there.

There's a pathology there that makes basically the most amazing television aplatment.

By the end, though, I think people were like fed up. I well, then Jazelle's still going. But it's like I think most all my YouTube algorithm. Now is Karen Huger dragging Gazelle for ten minutes? When do yourselfo dragging the Green Iron bandits for ten minutes? It's like the internet hates these fucking women, Robin and Gazelle specifically.

Well that and that is like that is what a scand of all makes. And by the way, by the way, man rules, whatever you have to do to get Rachel back on the TV, it's done. Fucking do it. I don't care. Continue to film the season. Keep the cameras up. My pencils are down, my drama masks are down, but your cameras are up. The lights are up, the gaffers are laying in weight.

Uh yes, get her back.

I don't care what you have to do.

Why is everyone forgetting what good TV makes?

Tell? What does good TV make?

Fucking crazy people? Yeah? Who are insane?

Does there need to be a level of exploitation there? Because now we're getting into this whole like reality reckoning.

Has it happened?

I feel like this is all like Bethany paying up the ass for like pr right, Well, it's.

Like they they should be unionized, right, is that what's happening?

That's part of it, but it's also Bethany like recruiting, like Rachel like everybody to be like reality TV bad. But I'm also like, I think you're onto something where you need these kooky, kooky people to be on TV. But that's as far as I can agree with you.

Well, like Carlton, uh huh, when are we gonna get someone like that? Bag? You know what I'm saying. If we go down this road of like only finding people who do not offend the sensibilities?

Well, how do you feel about Ronni right now? You can be honest, I've kind of dragged Roney on this show.

I'm going to gather my words. I want to gather my words.

I think we're getting as important, we're getting little glimmers of like it's so funny that Jessela is like, are the closest thing we have to a Ramona where it's someone who is just a little disconnected something's.

Yes saying there's something amazing about her.

Yes, Yes, I want to see loathsome human beings on my television.

And this is what I'm talking about the fantasy in my life.

I am not friends with loathsome psychotic individuals, well sort of, but I was to say that, I it's like I want to be watching the fantasy world.

Yes, of this disgusting New York underbelt.

I this is fucking New York City. I want women who have been to Little Saint James. Yeah, what is that Jeffrey Epstein's pedophile. Okay, this is what I was saying.

I was saying this like two shows ago, like we had a damn Ranziwill who was in Jeffrey Epstein's contact book.

Gallaine Maxwell.

Yes, took Carol's author portrait on the back of her grieving book. So when you buy her book about grief.

Says photo critic Gillen Maxwell.

And that's what I'd be needing to see on my TV. Your fucking city.

You need a fucking princess. You need a ratzwell yeah.

And you need just like the wealth in New York City is the most evil.

You need like a little flavor of old money.

Yes, you need old money connected like in bread, in bread, like I need like engineers of the war in Iraq.

Yes, yes, yes, I one hundred agree with you.

You know what I'm saying.

See this is I can get behind this, especially as it being your like organizing principle around culture. It's like you want to see, like you would want to see an an architect of the Iraq War as a pop star.

When Bethany says, mention it all, mention it all, at all, mention it all, mentioned it all.

That's what we need to be seeing.

I don't need to be like mildly entertained by women in high society who haven't like it's like, I want to see like the violence exposed. I need to. I need Real Housewives to do a mask off on the rich of New York because what we're getting right now, it's just like nobody's meaning anybody any harm, no harm, no foul.

Everybody's being you know, I'm saying, it's afraid to be like a villain.

Yes, And we almost got We almost got it with Erin. We almost got it with Aaron because it was revealed that.

Act or whatever it was. And then she's kind of walking it back, and I go, don't be walking it back. Let's expose this, shine the light.

I think she did expose something in her inadvertently in her language. She said she didn't say I never supported Trump. She said I never supported stop the Steel, which is such a fucking to refer to the insurrection to January sixth as stop the steel. It's like, okay, so then you're at least like so.

You're acknowledging there's a steal.

Well, I'm like, you're at least bit couch like encroached in like republican fucking total like jargon, totally, like that is something that I'm a little bit fascinated by.

Totally. Or it's like in with Salt Lake City, it was like we found out that Whitney was friends with people who stormed the capital. Yes, get those girls, salt Like looks like it was in my dream.

Let's do the dream analysis right here, and.

Now I don't remember. You just like zung something like.

We're going, we're going something into the back of my SaraBellum. I just went, Meredith Marks, was my dream? I don't remember.

Why, oh my god, are you going to do a show called SaraBellum?

Talking about the enter the twisted mind of Sarah's, Sara I recommanded the English language is like beyond anything anyone.

It's the immigrants reading through the dictionary or really no, no, I said, eating through the dictionary, eating through the diction.

Yes, said didn't eat enough bagel this morning at Sodell's.

Sidel's, Oh my god, we love Cidell's. Shouts out, Shouts out to Cidel's best Bagels in New York City.

If you hey, if you want to come kill either me or boone, we might be there at some time. Come kill us. Please put me out of my misery.

I need to go with you because I've never I have not been with like friends in a while.

What's your bagel order? Just period in general? So boring, bowing. Don't talk about my friend bowing like that.

Wee bagel, wee bit my god.

I know.

And then like a scaling cream cheese, maybe maybe some lines and capers.

I like capers. You're a high class woman. No, that's are so base a caper though, My god, I didn't know I was in the room with a billionaire. You should be on real home.

I fucking engineered the Iraq war. Say that make me a pop star?

Say that? But what's yours? Toasted? Mm hmm? Flat me bagel? This is gonna fucking rock and shock everyone. I'm lactose and doller Drew. I was diagnosed with being Jewish. Can't touch cream cheese with ten football and I do not touch this cream cheese surrogate because it kind of reminds me of the ghosts of No, the ghost, the ghost seeps in.

You need to bless the cheese.

I have been ordering a toasted flat sas me bagel with peanut butter. Isn't that kind of crazy peanut butter at a restaurant? I think that's like Child's pleads. You were punk rocks. I actually am like very punk rock today in the sense that my hair looks like it has been dragged through the rats on the sea. Amazing. You were the most stylish person you are and people don't know this about Bowen your sense of design. No, I step into your dressing room and pencils down. We're not promoting the show.

Your dassing room.

Is designed to the like you're like. It's like you have one tiny little end table that pulls the room together in a way that I can't even possibly come ahend. You know what I'm saying. It's like I couldn't just like find a tiny little end table that like pulls the taste together.

Under your head.

You'd find one that pulls it together. I don't know.

Cut in my head, no one please, please in this country.

Did you see Barbi? I did?

I did see Barbie and Oppenheimer.

I told you this that I call. I was like, because everybody was like, oh my god, Barbie, like so my childhood. And then everyone's like, oh, the weird Barbie that everyone like drew on like classic, like and we all had a Barbie that was that. And I was like, it wasn't like ringing anything to me. And so I called my mom and I was like, did I have I was like, didn't I have Barbie? I just assumed I had barbiees growing up because it's like, go classic, we all had Barbies growing up. My mom was like, I don't think we had a single Barbie in the house. And I was like, I think I implanted barbiees in the house because everybody's like, well, Barbie's in the house.

Do you think that there is something going on where there's like a little Mandela effect situation where everyone's like, I loved my Barbie is growing up cut to they were never Barbies.

Cut to open the files.

I don't see a single Barbie blurry in the in the frame in any of these childhood photos.

And I was like I'm gonna like you.

I guess I did. Yeah, yeah, I don't think you said, like I've heard your mom. She's really just chancausticly, No, she's very beautiful, gorgeous woman, gorgeous woman, gorgeous.

I yeah, I guess I had to check my own nostalgia for Barbie and go, well, I guess I had an Aladdin one and I was in love with that thing. And then I had two maybe garage yard sale Barbies and that and those are my sisters, and and that is the extent like I'm not gonna like retroactively suffuse it with all this meaning and you know, like and shit. So, by the way, did not take away from my experience watching the movie. You can we can all go into these experiences, think especially now that we're gonna I guess we're gonna have more and more brand movies going forward. It's like you can go into these things being like, oh, yeah, I had like I had a couple hot wheels growing up period In there, you don't it's not a contest about who loves hot Wheels the most.

So you're saying toy movies are gonna be the new superhero now with Barbie.

There is a new model going forward for like a movie about a product that we can get away with being like, isn't this meta and fun?

Well, then you guys better be doing movies about twigs and rubber bands, because that's what I was playing with as.

An intelligent child.

I can't wait for the twigs and rocks movie. Honey, let's do it. Let's do the twigs and rocks and books movie.

And we're writing a movie, Hollywood, It's called books.

Ever heard of it? Fucking babies. I'm done with these movies about toys for children, because when I was a child, I didn't play with toys.

I played with twigs rocks.

Such a liar, Obviously, toys was addicted. Talk about Long Island was a hundred percent. Don't you don't think I was like, I had a fucking sniper rifle crosshair, and all the gay guys in my s come to I was a theater dorkass, right, you a theater dorkass.

I was a theater doreass.

I And you of course know my famous story about how how I didn't get apart and into the worl and I was.

I don't know the story.

I need to know the story tell me. I was like, not to brag amazing at the track running, but I was like, I have to quit the track team to pursue my love of the performing arts. And are so like, oh my god, he was a Long Island track star.

Wow you both of you, these are the two pisces loves.

Oh my god, and we have the same exact body type. It's like crazy, oh my god, Briddy's a Long Island legend track star. I like quit the track team because I was like, I have to be performing hilarious comedy constantly all the time, and I was a horrible actor and so I never got a part in anything. And everybody my parents were like, you're giving up like possibly a scholarship because of this, and I was like, I literally need to be I'm.

A storyteller, I'm a performer. I'm a storyteller, I'm a seer.

And I Into the Woods of the musical I.

Was not not the play.

I'm being stupid, no, of course, and I'm laughing, of course. No. Well, Into the Woods I didn't read the play. I only read the book. I haven't seen the movie and played with the rock.

I was cast.

Gave up my athlete dreams or whatever. And I was cast in the chorus of Into the Woods, which was behind a scrim the entire time.

Wait wait, wait, stary over. You were in the show, but you were behind the scrim.

I was cast the chorus.

Did not get to be in front of the scrim.

That's abominable.

So I was in silhouette the entire production behind a scrim. But I've never heard that, and I just like happened to be the most annoying individual planet human Earth. And I went to the costum closet by myself and I got my own right I to know all by myself. It was a red ball gun with like black lace trim all over it.

And I was like, I made them put me.

In the plame Mail because I was like, oh, this dress is like really Russian, and like informed my character. I made them put me in the play mill as Sarah Sherman the Russians Arena. I was like living my fantasy. And then I was like everyone else is in the chorus, but like I made my own character for myself, like in the chorus behind the scrim. You know why you did that? Because I needed attention. There is just like a gaping void in my soul.

Because you're a fucking star.

You're a star behavior. I will not be silent.

Russians arena not one line, but I have like an accent Russian.

Right, a fur cuffy, this scream that no one.

Saw and I had the accent. Wow, do you have the accent.

A gun to head? I am the Russian Zara.

Standing?

Oh thank you? Oh my god. That was so.

We would have been friends.

We would have been unless you wouldn't have liked the annoying bit.

She was like, actually, I'm actually the Russians arena.

I'm not like you people.

Oh, I would have fully supported you, guys.

What's the past sense of stand?

Stood? Stood? I would have standed and gone.

Guys, guys, Sarah is the Russian Czarina if you call it, there's arena that's not incomplete. She's the Russian Czarna.

Do you want to hear actually the most I can't stop talking because now you're just un locked up. Please, do you want to hear the most damning thing on the side of the Yes, the side of the rhine. Yeah, they say that sometimes us. I did a show in Houston, Texas, not to brag a couple of weeks ago. I love I love that totally oil money kind of cool.

Now is that Dallas?

That's all of text, totally shout shouts out, shouts out in respect. I want in the not very good shows for Sarah. There no just kidding, just kidding day. Don't talk to my friend Sarah. He's still to Houston. There was a guy in the front road sitting at my Houston show holding I saw at the corner of my eye, I go, that's our elementary school yearbook.

That is scary on him and I went.

Something zung in the back of the cerebell and I went oh and he I was like, is that our elementary school yearbook? And he handed it to me and I signed his yearbook.

I actually can't even.

See this all, lou Do you need to cut this out?

No, it's just I might as well be why in between the eyes execution style for what I'm about to tell you?

Okay, well, is this the damning part I signed?

Is your book? I know my signature isn't worth a but when I'm famous, it'll pay your rent. This was back in the day you said that in elementary school.

That's so funny, Sir, that's electrocution.

I need electric jockey.

Why why is that Electrictrie.

Because that is the most invaders zimmed ass hot topic girl ass, annoying ass.

I'm about to fucking one up, one up, go now, fifth grade. This this is what I'm signing in people's hear books. I can't believe I'm about to share it. This, this will end me. I won't look at you know, you have to look at it. You want, Okay, you have to hold my hand. This is what I signed.

People here, and before you say that I actually love you, I say what anyone else does today, on the day my daughter's running, I love you.

I love you on the day of my daughter. This is what I signed. Willist Chinese kid in America, coolest Chinese kid in America.

Bowen, Yeah, what if I signed that?

That that.

No, that is kisses up to Heaven?

That is disgusting.

Were you were there like, well, here's my question.

If there were a lot of Chinese kids at the school, were they all like, hey, I'm right here.

I was the only one of the school questions. My sample size was small. I was I was was biased by my own little like cohort. But then you want to know something. This is what all the kids said, Bowen like you are though me like being so validated by all these shocks jocks. Well, Denver is like none of what was to talk about Denver?

Okay, literally, paramount, paramount me, Meg Patty giving him last. We're giving them a show. Everybody after the show so out of their mind, like it was an amazing like bog in is that a bog in your pocket? Or you just happy to see me like amazing show man, like drooling high but sweet sweet but like, guys, I'm gonna say something, Okay, say it. We We're gonna be breaks a little bit.

I've had to.

I've had to really, I mean as someone who cannot partake because last time I smoked weed experienced ego death of the highest order. Oh my god, I love it.

You love experiencing ego death of the highest order.

Every now, like once every two years.

I love doing that. You know a little bit, mister weed, aren't you not? Rule of culture number seventy three five is a little bit of weed?

A little would you say?

Tell you? I'm gonna tell you.

I'm like stone, It's I will say for myself. I was talking about weed as if I was a virgin. I kept being like, Oh, this is the best.

Yeah, this is like one of the but you gotta try the girls out cookie And everybody's like, oh, edibles. We're acting like as if an edible isn't like as potent as a crack rock. It's one of the highest.

It is the.

Hardest drug you could take, is a weed edible And everybody's acting like they can drive a tractor trailer. It's a fucking crazy drug. Absolutely, I am hallucinated on weed edible. Girl, I told her, I've been diagnosed as Jewish. That's not I'm not connecting those dots. I have like fully had like psychosomatic hallucinations where I was like convinced that I ship my pants on weed edible.

But I've actually had that, like there's something there. There's a lot my center of gravity and my groin is off.

Well actually because any drug.

And I found this out from a oh wee guy, huh, like you have a lot of serotonin receptors in your intestine, right, Sarah Sarah, that's my next show after Sarahbellum. It love it, like other reviews are in it's a hit. It's so off Broadway hasn't even happened yet. So off free, girl friend, you are so not off Broadway.

We talk about Mariae.

No, we have to must, we must. Oh a drug like is to like go crazy on your serotonin. It can make your stomach go du circ do solet flips in there?

Han me, Oh my god, why did you make me think about our what?

We can't talk about the show. So I know people don't even know what we know. You know what I'm saying, Sarah, You guys have no idea.

You guys have no idea. We shouldn't even talk about it because there's something so sacred about totally you and me sitting down going what do we.

Do another day at work with Nurse Jackie more like Nurse Bowen the way he's helping me there.

Doctor House. Now let's talk about Mary Anneliams. Yeah, because she is someone we could all stand to be a little bit more like her.

When she said one hundred, she diagnosed, she said, I'm sorry, there's something in the speaking of collective unconscious. A river runs through the collective unconscious. That's a river of pain.

And she keep going.

She diagnosed the problem, she did, and it is a spiritual malady that is afflicting this world. And yeah, maybe we should have the president be addressing that.

There should be a department piece, Yeah, Department of Peace and State.

Mandated decaesi sizions every day Siesta yesta.

If we transition to Siesta culture, we would be it would be over for us, hose, honestly, it'd be over for us host we would be Everyone would be.

Pan, which is something that I don't respect.

But you would if you had cesta culture, totally totally'd be like, I'm pan, your pan, We're all pan.

You know what.

In a moment of panic, I conflated Pan with Polly, I see. And so I'm like, if we had ces the culture, would everyone be Polly? Because everyone has goddamn time on their hands Jesus.

And that's the thing about Polly is that the secret ingredient is time is the.

Reason they all fall person there's no time.

How many hours in the day among us?

Who among us?

Not me?

Certainly, certainly I think it's time for I don't think so, honey, wouldn't you say, Sarah.

Oh what I've completely forgot? Ready?

Righty, Okay, this is I don't think, Sony, this is where we take one minute to go off on something in culture. Sure, that's really getting our grinding, our gears, getting our goat. Wouldn't you say, oh my god, what can mine be? You'll you'll, you'll something you will well, Sarah, would you like to time me?

Oh my god, it would be my honor.

Thank you so much.

This is my I don't think so, honey, My time starts now. I don't think so.

Honey. Cough drops. You don't do shit.

You don't get down there to the throat. You're just kind of like clicking and clacking around the front of my mouth and my teeth. But you're not reaching where you need to reach. Even these medicated lozenges are not giving the give. My throat is screaming, My tonsils are covered in pus, and there's nothing that's touching the syrup from the lozenge. I need you to reach down there. Okay, my throat can handle it. Why are you so scared to get down in the deep rolling in the deep adel style? I need you to reach, really get in there, but the reach is not reaching. Okay, hauls, you're busted. Come up with new flavors. Cherry and honey have you heard of popcorn? Have you heard of barbecue?

Mama?

I need you to step up the game because the flavors. The labs are churning out flavors, and then the halls. Whoever's doing, you know, liaising between the labs and the Yeah, I was so lost. You was so lost.

That's one minute.

Do you know what I'm saying. If you ever go, I have a sore throw and someone says I have a cough drop, go, what are you talking about?

As someone who is taking vocal lessons experience, guess.

What they said.

What they say, it doesn't touch your vocal core period, it's a.

Different tube entirely.

So what are you're kidding yourself?

But we've all moved through this life knowing that, and we've all been kidding ourselves, going, I guess, but it literally is in the front.

It's in the front.

It doesn't go down here.

What are we even talking about? Fine, you just had yourself a menfolated candy, You idiot, fucking.

Pieces piece of ships chewing on a leaf this whole time.

You make me sick. You can make me sick.

Throat coat, Yeah, it's throating your coat.

Yeah, but what about my tons? I need tonsile console and let me.

Tell you something about vocal nebulizer.

What is that?

I think? So, honey, your time starts now you want to be treating your vocal cords. It's like a it's a it's a saline mist that hydrates your cords because nothing you swallow or drink is going where your cords are.

Can't tell me something does a steam thing.

Helps someone who's experience of me on tour exact esteem?

What does it do?

It just like fucking It just gets there in the way that obviously your super little cough drop kneba.

The cough drop caneva and it's supposed to like melt in my mouth and then not touch throat.

It's not doing anything. It's not hitting your back. While it's not doing anything, Ricola holds and it's actually dehydrating on the I think I'm l O L that's what No. I G BOL the I D T s H what is it? The I just about burst out laughing the new gen Z wave laughing.

You connect? You really do?

You do?

You know the kids in the schools, Shara, do you have some things I do?

But I almost wonder if you've already.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't mean because.

It's like I can't even imagine someone wouldn't have popped off about that.

It doesn't matter if someone already has, if you, if it's in your heart. This is Sarah Sherman's Sarah squirms, I don't think, so, honey. Her time starts now.

I do not think for one second, so honey, QR cod menus fuck.

Someone has to have done this already.

Are you serious. I'm going to a restaurant to be gathering and connecting with the people around me. I did not come to a restaurant to sit at a table for everybody to be on their phones, looking at their screens. Smartphones. I don't think, so, honey. They're making has dumber.

Phones and phones make me say one man, make me throw up right now. I did not like the experience of, oh.

My god, we're romantic.

Second, we have romantic lighting with all these little tea light candles lighting the place. Well, now I'm seeing the harsh, garish light of an iPhone with brightness up to one hundred percent, ruining the vibe.

I don't want to be on my phone anymore.

That is why I am in the room.

With people connecting eye contacts. I'm soul contact with people.

I want pen to paper, I want a feet to the grindstone. I want bristle and mortar menus in my hands.

Said five seconds.

I want paper media not to die out. I want the print media to stay strong. And I wanted my menu to have sauce on it.

And that's one minute.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

Paper media is not dead. We need to save it. We need to save it. And you know who's saving it, Will ab Bennett Highstan Biety magazine.

Will have been a magazine.

I saw magazines in a store physically.

Yes, Dak, this is the only magazine.

This is the only magazine. Dynastics shaking little lacquered boots. I here's listen. Listen these QR code menus. First of all, what are we playing chess? What are we playing checkers? Checkers?

What are we playing snake?

What are we playing fucking?

And by the way, people use.

The moment of the QR code menu on their phone to then be sneakily looking at other things in text and applications and such. And I said, this is a no phone time. This is now my friends have kind of because when you open the phone, it opens the portal to now all hell to hell, Oh now all of a sudden, Oh, my friend over here is doing the word for today. I don't think so, Honey, your time starts now again, I go off again and four more mondous.

Wordle Come on, when is the word we're going to be bowing for once?

For once?

Open up word to proper nouns or I'm gonna shut it down.

And what is bowen mean? Sarah means princess and Hebrew.

Well, in the way that Sarah means princess and Hebrew, bowen means in Celtic son of owen. And you can run and tell that, and it literally means that.

Why is making me just about person?

I just about every day?

That means nothing.

It means nothing every day. I'm g bawling with this girl. This girl right here, this girl is my soul food.

You are my sister actually from the same Mistif we're talking about Geo in the sky, Geo Geo, the Italian god.

Geo, I love it. I love a guy named Geo.

Do I know a guy named Geo?

There's a guitarist in Muna. He's straight. Oh but he loves being guys in there. They let guys in there.

There's a couple of guys in the band of rolling around in there.

I'm rolling around in there. But Geo and muna lovely Geo.

You know what this is making me think? I just went to Jersey City, and let me tell you, we need to be in Jersey City, period period. There's Geo's running around. Not to be too Italian fetishistic, Oh my god, but Jersey is like the fucking spot, like you have no fucking idea, you don't even know what hit you. I think, so your time starts out Jersey.

Slay all day, lay all day. Get me on the damn train path the path train trains. You know what I'm saying, Jersey is somebody.

It's like I wanna say cow.

But something about I'm gonna go a step further and say, there's something that's Sarah in Jersey.

No, do you know what I mean?

I need to see you there because you're in your element there.

You like basically wouldn't recognize me in Jersey because I'm like finally, like.

I think like it's telling about the Long Island girl.

That just feels like I can finally take my shoes off, just like locks.

The Sick is Manhattan and Brooklyn and Queen's Muscle Muscle. It's well, it's not even that. It's like it's kind of like a sinkhole.

And you all think you're all vat in a bag of chips because you live here.

You're nothing.

You're nothing.

And guess what.

The people in Jersey have a fucking clue period. You think you oh, you think you're the cat's pajam because you live near the Myrtle.

L You idiots, You're fucking idiot. These people live live where. You know. Tom Sharpling used to do a show period period. I know, and love to you Tom, love to love to because there's a radio person as well, radio guy. Everyone check out Sarah Squirm on tour in these.

Many of you are not but many of you are not buying tickets and you need to be.

You need to be. This is finalance behavior. If you go to August twenty fifth, no, and you are still remembering August twenty sixth in Seattle, the festival Do You Hydrate? November seventh is amazing. At the Hopscotch Music Festival in Rawling, North Carolina. September eighth in d C, September ninth, in Pittsburgh September tenth and Philly, September thirteenth in LA.

And let me tell you something about that Washington DC show.

They're a lot tickets left.

I made a lot of enemies in d C.

Well that's okay because that's it's a whole.

Town of you know who's engineers and of the world.

And bring back Real Housewives of d C.

We need the Salah he girl back back on my TV. Sarah. I love you to my core son of Owen, Princess and Jewish.

And Hebrew Princess of the Disease of Jewish. I love you.

Thank you so much for coming on this show.

And you know what, I think I'm going to get back together with my therapist. Wow.

No, we had every episode with the song.

Whoa Whoa the music.

Thank you this schedule, Sual, Bye bye

Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang

Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey in 
Social links
Follow podcast
Recent clips
Browse 478 clip(s)