Explicit

"Freak Sick" (w/ Jimmy Fowlie)

Published Apr 1, 2020, 10:00 AM

Matt & Bow are actually tickled and thrilled to welcome the truly funny and "helareos" Jimmy Fowlie to Las Cultch! On this ep, the three homosexual men chat about hidden perversity in Disney media, Strangers With Candy and The Real World as formative culture. Jimmy opens up about how a recent breakup has been affecting his comedy, and the boys get into it about modern gay relationships and how they can sometimes lead to making empty threats in WeHo Gold's Gym parking lots. Plus, the queers reveal the weird and very fucked ways they started masturbating. All this, a truly haunting I Don't Think So Honey from Jimmy, and a performance of "Sparks Fly" by Tayla Swiff.

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Literally hello to everyone out there listening. It's me Matt Rodgers of this very podcast Laws Culture Usas, And before we get into this episode, I just wanted to hop on here and tell you guys all about something I'm extremely excited about, which is the premiere of my show Game Show on Quimby on April six. So if you haven't heard me talk about Game Show before, it's a show that I created with not just a friend of the pod, not even just family of the pods, sister of the pod, Dave Mazzoni, where we take two straight contestants too straight mail contestants and put them head to head to see which one of them will emerge victorious as honorarily gay as fun and Rain as Queen of the Straits. So we take two straight dudes, we put them through our challenges, which are you know, pop culture trivia challenges, emotional challenges, physical challenges, and one emerges victorious. So yes, um, this is two straight people competing to be called gay as fuck, and that's one reason why is not so bad. So that doesn't entice you enough, I did just want to share some of the guest stars that we're gonna be having on the show. Each straight contestant gets as signed a life partner, either a wise queer or a woman, who gets it to help them on their journey to win the title of Montorelli Gay as Fun and they are as follows Nicole Buyer, Joe Kim Booster, Brendan Skinnell, Patty Harrison, Trixie Mattel, Liza Trigger, Allana Glazer, Guy Brand, I'm Tawny Knews, some Bob the Drag Queen, Sydney Washington, Rachel Bloom, Robin Feede, John Lovett, Darcy Cardon, and of course you know, we had to book the one and only Bowen Yang for the gig that is Game Show on Quimby. April six is the launch new episodes every day over the first two weeks. Super super excited. We've seen all the episodes and we're really thrilled for you guys to watch them. And also it's a ninety day free trial if you signed up at the very beginning, so pre order now, utilize that ninety day free trial and um enjoy everything Quimby has to offer. I'm really really excited about it, and I'm also really excited for you guys to enjoyed this episode of Lost Culture e stas here we go, look mad, oh I see you? Why why? And look over there? How is that culture? Yes? Goodness ding Dong. Lost Culture is just calling itchy? Itchy? Why itchy? I've told you this right? Oh yeah, what's with your body? I think it's stress hives or something. But I need to go see a doctor when I go back to New York. But the thing is, I'm uninsured. How could you be an unsured? Because I was kicked off SAG insurance because I just didn't sign up in time for this next year. Because for a second there they booted me off because they're like, you didn't qualify for this period. And then and then I started making enough money for them, like just kidding, you can do it, but like they a lot of mix ups with the mailing address of it all. And then it's too complicated. It's too complicated in the w g A, I guess I haven't paid my dues and I don't have MPGY insurance, so I just don't have any insurance. Wow, you need it. I've playing simple and I'm not going to argue with you about it, and I'm not I'm not going to push back either, but I don't push back. It's weird, and I will pay out of pocket for that bow. And that's cook. You're in two unions, I mean two unions, but they make it, they make it hard on purpose for you to like pay on time. I'll say this anything. If I get any email that says insurance on it or like anything for life, like a bal or something, I'm like, Okay, now I have to remember that. This is the thing about being an adult, a thirty year old man. It's just like you got to actually do things like that. It's difficult. I am still so. I don't want you to be itching. I know. I don't know what it is you have you slept with anyone? Weird? I truly have not had sex of any kind in the last several months. Well, that's something that has you have. You have to sign up for two things, health insurance and sexual intercourse. We have to make sure. I think the w G I in this and definitely SAD can get you some sex. I don't know. I don't get invited to the events are you talking about. I'm literally going to know we're not doing we're doing the wait wait, wait, what we're gonna say I'm saying I often get invited to events because of you. That's not but not SAG events. I'm talking you don't get in event what you wouldn't want to go to a SAG screening? Accidentally brush your elbow a little too hard next to someone you're seeing I don't know, a screening with and then say oh, sorry for that, and they say, actually, it wasn't a big deal at all. Hi, I'm Michael. And then you shake their hand and have sex with them. Yes. Can I tell you God, that's all I want. I just want the sparks to fly. I have not felt that you haven't felt sexual attraction with another human. I felt sexual attraction, but truly it all nothing were like starshour is happening. You know you know what I'm talking about. Tell her swift song did not say everything. Now meet me and the boy rain, kiss me on the side, take away the past for one second? Can we cannonically make it so that it's not sad Walk, but it's sad walk like I want to add more melisma into into Taylor. Yes, so let's do sade Walk, take away the pain, and then just for to to change one other song instead of Um, what dreams? What do you want it to be? I wanted to be what the streams? But that that melisma is fucking up the tempo and why don't you want to change it? Because you know she can't execute it? Now what I liked about the Ryan Adams cover album and of course he is canceled. Uh that of course Ryan Adams is we we don't, yes, we can say it on the pod. Ryan Adams was fucked up to Mandy Moore. And it's actually real culture number three. You don't be fucked up to Mandy Moore. Um, you actually don't. But but Ryan Adams cover a while the streams, he goes, love it well, hu, well hu the streets which actually actually lay on a train track for that one. I'm gonna have to ask him to lay on a train track for that one. Now Here here's someone who I would never ever ever want to lay on a train track. No, And in fact, if he laid on a train track, I would just I would. I would do this. I would scream, Jimmy mean, Jimmy me, no, I would say, and I would call the police, and I would call the first of all, Well, the first thing you do if you see someone laying on the train tracks, called the police. Scream before you even say anything, and go, I'm at this address, in this address, so they can dispatch immediately. Hi, let's do it. And when one, what's your Hi? My name is Matt Rodgers, and don't even tell them your name. You gotta tell them. Then try again our time. I'm at the train tracks and my name is Matt Rock. Should I not tell them my name? Should I? What? What? What? At what point do I tell them my name? Because they're going to ask one as soon as you're done saying I'm at this train track. You've got to be specific with a train track you're at. One more time, when one, what's your emergence? Hi, I'm at the Los Angeles train tracks. My name is Matt Rogers, and I'm seeing a friend of mine laying on the tracks. We're sending someone over right away. Oh my god. Okay, thank you so much. You're welcome, and I should just wait here, yes, okay, And see the beautiful thing about that is you were Los Angeles train track. I'm there, I'm there, I know where I know where you are. Yeah, we all know that. We can see it in mine anyway, if you were laying on train tracks, I would be very upset, and I would of course call the police and post taste post taste post taste now um I but not post taste, not post taste. So he I think I see him as a true genius. Um White people doing improv is iconic culture. I got a culture. He plays every single character in an improv class. It's the funniest thing I've seen in there. You want to know what's something I respect more than like anything, Yeah, Malawa is done? Is that Jimmy Fowley put up the I'm a Stone so Long Boulder City genius. I actually respect that more than anything Malaala has done. I would agree. I think that if you were to compare the two and we are and we are, I would you know, I would be like, I pick I picked a long Boulder city. Picks a Long Boulder City, Like what a genius idea. That's like, I mean, a weird thing to say, but you know, like when you see like Joe Firestone or something like come up with a brilliant show concept, You're like, god, you know, not not even it's not even I and I wish I had thought of that, situation. It's like a Wow, I don't I respect that idea so much that I don't want to insert myself in that. It was one of those things where I was like, Yeah, someone should do that, it's perfect, and then someone was so it's so our guests wrote the entire One woman showed that I'm a Stone performs in Lalla Land that you don't see and also this is amongst other um I would say, I would say the word hilarious as I actually use the word hilarious, which is two things not something you can say about everyone. And spells like this h E L A R e O s disgusting and he's hilarious. And actually what you must do is look at his YouTube videos, go to the instagramm. You have to. You have to. This is gonna be hard for some people out there, some readers. We have to seek out talent. You actually, you have to seek out talent. He's a groundlings that that he um Oh his web series Go Go Boy Interrupted, I mean icon of culture. Also, he had a very small part in the Comeback, small part in the Comeback, big part in the other two Huge and It's Day tuned for season two, Stay and that's a spoiler. And that's a spoiler. And he has recently. I mean, the guy works hard because he just finished writing this project that he's gonna tell us more about. We're very curious. We're gonna get the scoop. We're gonna get the scoop. Just finished writing. He was just shooting it today before we came here. The project is called Windshield. Yes, short film, short film, wind Shield, upcoming, upcoming. But truly he came in with a purpose to tell us about. Yeah, And actually, can I tell you something. I had lunch with our guests, probably about six to eight months ago, somewhere within that window period it might have been, might have been seven months. That's why I say between six and eight. Um, and yeah it's been. I said, let's wait before we meet again. UM, let's wait, let's wait. I love this, but we gotta wait. Um. And we actually connected during the lunch and I felt like I I left the lunch and I was like, Wow, a soul connection. We get each other, we see each other. I know he felt the same. He's smiling, smiling. You know what I say. We bring him in, so everyone, please welcome into your ears. Jimmy bally guys, imagine that was what you bring. It's a huge and I'm like, hey, that was so nice. Well that's how we feel. Well, we we feel the same way about you, and it's great to be able to sit here. And I'll say it as three gay men who are supporting each other and not getting in each other's way and not closing the door. So often in this business you see the gay man just shutting doors and each other's faces. Um and rough Star. That was not Rocky at all. Yeah, I feel like, um, it's I don't feel super competitive with gay guys. But also when I kind of came up through groundlings, Drew rog like the icon, he was so supportive, and other gay guys like above me older than me, were like, um, just so nice, and I felt, I don't know, have you guys felt gay guys kind of the same way. We literally talk all the time about how we had a very good relationships with people like I think it all came at the right time because I would imagine, like over the years, like when there's only been so many spots for like gay guys to be doing things the token gay person and so it's it's a weird energy. But we can say like we have we're such close friends with like other gay comedians, like that's like who's in our group thread, that's like who we But truly, all it takes is it takes one friendly gay person, truly to be like, hey, hey, you know that's that um and Drew absolutely is like the training example. He's so great, he's so hysterical, he's undeniably funny, super nice. Um side note, Matt, I feel like it's important you say what we did when we hung out. We saw Aladdin. O god, I cannot believe. I kept calling it a lunch but because it was Aladdin. And then we went to Tender Grade it was Aladdin, and then Tender Grads it was literally this and this actually is you know that someone is like, you're already going to get along with someone. I already felt the vibe. I was going to get along because you would never like the first time you're hanging out socially as friends, be like, let's sit for a two hour movie. And we didn't really know each other, but I was like, we're seeing Aladdin and then maybe afterwards we'll get lunch. And then we did, and I always remember the lunch, but fucking you bet your remember that a boo and it was like so disturbing. He was like every sober gay guy and that I've never met cracked out of his mind. Yes, the whole movie is haunting, and that Jasmine song that they just got chills thinking about the song. I literally shuddered into the mic, thinking about how does it go again? I will not remain. I mean, here's the thing we love. Will not go. I will not go. No one knows the melody of the song. Actually, if you asked anyone, they don't know it. But but the fact of the matter is we love Passing and paul I was gonna say that we love but this this song was just not the moment. The song I would say that they would agree, well, it's it's an anomaly. Why did they feel like they needed it? I don't know. And part of me is just like part of me is just like I hope what happened is that actress demanded it. She was like, I need a huge ballad which you respect. We have to respect you. Yeah, but literally it was about the song was about Jasmine saying that no, she would not remain speechless and she would finally speak up, which was culturally note, you're you're not able to like there was a network note that was like we want a feminist win, we want we want, we want her to be actually a hashtag girl bus. Yeah, I love that. That was one of the logic pieces that you found that you were like, this rubs me the wrong way that she has this, she was characteristic. Yeah, there's a flying carpet Genie will Smith. Oh that was a whole other moment. I don't know, I don't know why I'm bringing this energy into especially critical culture. I have to point out that there it was that it was a big headline when the lead actor who played a lot in like sending an interview is like I haven't gotten a single audition, and it's like, okay, sob story great. It's hard. It's hard. It's hard for all of us. It's hard for brown actors. But then literally they just announced are making a sequel to that live action a lot and he's going to make like another He's gonna make his millions again. It's like, are you talking, are they making like an Aladdin two? Or are they doing the other thing? Do you know what you see? The other thing? Do you remember when we saw the movie and there was like the White Prince played by Billy Mackison, who was like goofy and silly before thence they were doing a spinoff with his character. Literally, there's now gonna be a whole movie that's just that white blonde dumb print. I think it's something different. I think this is a direct sequel aladd into the same cast. I believe Culturalista's readers, Um, let me know it's not true, but but I mean that's what it is. Jimmy Vale and I saw it and he was not the breakout of character, and that's okay. And there wasn't a breakout. Yeah, she was good. She was so funny. Yeah, the scene was great, was great, she was well, I guess I don't want to give a spoiler. Oh but spoiler the genie. Thank you someone, finally someone. I was missing that from the cartoon. Yeah. I actually was like, I think my note for the cartoon is the genie isn't sexual. Do you guys remember that? Like urban legend? Wait, how old are you guys? I'm third worth. I'll be thirty by the time this comes out. Okay, because around that time when it came out. There was this urban legend that if they would that sex was written in the clouds, or they said take off your clothes. Do you remember that? In Lion King, it's when Simba like collapses into the leaves, the leaves blow and the wins. For a Laddin, it was Genie saying to take off your clothes, okay, and then the the urban legends, Robin Williams just like kind of like through that in their off scrapt Then they kept at the nivators kept up and there's an in the in the very original, the very first original artwork for a Little Mermaid, there's a dick in the in the Palace of Atlantic Old Palace. They're so sick. Yeah, actually disgusting. It's actually everyone in order to you even get a job, you actually have to pass a pervert test. Yeah, you think you think they're testing, and they're and you're like, oh, like I hope, like it's like all pervert stuff, and you're like, no, but they only hi are the people that passed the pass. Can I Can I tell you something? So this is not a brag, but I was a recurring character on a Disney show called Bizarre Varka, Were you opposite Jennifer Coolidge something else? Know that that that was something else? That was two Broke Girls, right, Um, but I do love that. Other work that I've done is coming up naturally as we But no, I played this character Angelo, who was the assistant. Everyone thought I was an extra. I had no lines, and it was supposed to be this big like physical comedy bit leading up to this, all these you know, character arcs, and I was in like three or four episodes and they kept I was in. I was an assistant to a twelve year old girl with a laugh track. There wasn't even there wasn't even people in the audience. So it's truly dead silent. We're doing the comedy. It's got it's really unfunny. I'm sorry if any of the writers are listening to this, I'm sorry, but you know it's a kid show. I mean, look, it's like broad ass, like my chicken smells like state. So that it was like people spinning up, like like literally doing spin takes and all that. But they kept being like they would, like they had me measuring a nine year old boy, like measuring his body, and and so it's the scene where I'm measuring them and and I'm like miming it, and the directors like, okay, you know, and don't go below the waist. Don't go below the waist. I'm like, I'm so self conscious right now, Like I hate and you created this moment, Like I didn't come to you and say, like, wouldn't it be fun if I was like measuring his dick, like im thinking about divin below the waist while I measured the kid? What do you think? It was so weird And anyways, they like wrote the character off because it was so disturbing to the audience. That's such a bummer. It was such a bummer. And you guys, I literally thought I had made it. It was my first time ever coming back, so I felt like super confident. I like wanted to change dressing rooms because one dressing room like had a window and wasn't as cold, and I was gonna like make a move and say, hey, can I actually switch dressing rooms next episode? And I never came back. Thank god I didn't make that request. That would have been I love that. Wait. The character was an assistant to a twelve year old. Yeah, she was like a It was like a YouTuber. She was like a YouTuber, Wait, that's funny. I'll find a clip and I'll send it to it's I have to do. So yeah, I mean, look, I'm sure that you were hilarious, and I'm sure that if if they didn't like you, it was just the audiences. They don't get it. They don't they didn't get what I was doing. But then, but then, but there was Two Broke Girls after CBS Diversity. Yeah that was a little bit. Um that was like a few months after. That's so crazy. You booked something right after that. Yeah, that was cool. And then um, and that was such a fun show because you know, just doing sketchm like you love the they do have the live audience, and that is cool because so few shows feel like I feel like I have that. So that's like a unique experience if you get to do something like that totally, especially coming from Groundlings, where like everything is so heightened, so emotional. Like sometimes I'm teaching students and I'm like, is this just like this weird outdated eighties thing that I'm teaching them? But every now and then you're like, oh, when I was doing Two bro Girls, I was like, Okay, this is like actually skills. So it's because I was I came up with you see me in New York, and so it's very very much the same, like where you're doing the kind of comedy that that succeeds in live spaces. And then I don't know how you feel, but a note that I get all the time, you're very bone, is very good and dropped in and like a good actor. But no, but you're about to say that you go too big. It's too big. I get no constantly that hey, you can just throw it away always because my face is drawn. You are giving me too much credit because I watch myself back and this stuff, and I'm just like this fucking so it's your thing that you watch that you're like, I wish I could delete this. Oh so many things. I have so many videos of shows of me, like doing a stand up show where that you have a fucking person recording the thing and putting it up on like the show YouTube. And it's like now like every now and then, like you know, I'll do the vain thing of like looking myself. I'll just want to watch something that I was in, like you know, like like for s ANDL just like oh, I want to watch that thing again, just like once a month. I'll do that, I swear to God. But then like these bad, these shows of me doing bad stand up for you, and I have views like oh this, people are like watching this and thinking, well, he sucks, and I'm just like, this is truly a dark peak into who uploads it? Just that this like the comedy like that, like you know, Green Space NYC. I'll call them out. They've I've had the ask out to my managers to respectfully ask them to take it down because people because you're able to and they haven't yet, so I don't think they will, so it's fine. But if you're listening, this is a call. This is you getting called out. I will say this like, this is so weird and random at this happened. But I came up at U C B and before I left for New York, I for for l A. Rather, I was on a team called Characters Welcome, which is three to five minute original characters. Every month you have to come up with a new one, and recently some someone like slaying a character and the channel like Blue and I haven't been on the on the team for like two years, so towards the end of me being on the team, I could kind of feel myself like like not slacking, but well was righting up and like I my ideas weren't as good and like I wasn't like feeling writing original characters anymore, and my writing like I didn't do as many like punch ups on it. So I wrote this character called a straight gay teen, which is like love signmon character that's like, I'm just like you. I have two rich white parents and i'll dog and I'm a little gay and here's my sad story. And it was just kind of picking on love Sign and I think it's funny, but it's crazy because the way it popped off on YouTube was like it is so many views in such a positive response, and I'm like, really, because I'm watching this and I feel like it needs a joke pass like bad. And that's when I think, like maybe I don't know what's actually good and I'm just like I have like such like a gay humor brain, like I just think what I think is funny and like I don't know what it is. But it's like that's so great that you think this is good, but like I don't even I don't even stand by this, and I think it would be that that I would take down just because I think it needs more joke passes. People like it, and then I put up something I'm proud of and they're like, no, okay, you're bragging. Stop. No, No, It's weird how some stuff people will respond to something. But then also it's like that weird something just hits the right person shares it. It's a phenomenon um. But yeah, I felt that too, like something I'm like, I cannot wait to share this with the world and no one cares. Yeah, it's it's well before we before we take our first break, I want to know about Winsfield. Before the break. We're gonna break. We're gonna take the break, and I'm going to tell you a traumatizing Oh I love it. I actually love trauma. After this, we're back with Jimmy and okay, what is this tell us about Windshield? Okay, so I'm gonna tell you so I and this is my first time just sharing it in the open, so we're honored. So yeah, so this is my first time talking about it. But I was in this two year relationship. Actually, MAT think we had broken up when we when we were when we hung out, you were like in a really tough spot because you were struggling very badly with the relationship. And then I remember after about a week or two after we hung out, I had heard that or I think you had like said something online that you guys broke up, and I was like, oh, they must have broken out. Okay, that's so crazy. If I said it online, that's no. No, or something where you were like you mentioned like single, you described yourself a single, not like cutting my Instagram at just me being like I am no, But I remember I like, it wasn't something you told me. It was like you you described yourself as like being single, And I was like, oh, I guess sort of import I'm trying to think of what that was. It's well, I had so basically I had was with this guy for two years. We like had a really positive relationship. It was no like fighting ang or whatever. We ended up opening the relationship up, um, and you know how that goes. I think for some people it's fine, but sometimes it can be dicey. Anyways, he ended up like dating our married friend who and then they like they the three of us were going to hook up and then they hooked up on their own and in my head, I'm like, oh, that's weird. But I'm like, do you like the person? He and I was like, it's my acts. I was like do you like you know? And he's like no, no, no, I don't. I don't like him, like and he's like, I wish you would drop it. I'm like okay. But they would be texting all the time, and like I, they would go out and and I told him, whoever, if we hook up with someone, just let the other person know, so it's everything's discreet, it's on the table. And then one time we were together and I saw on his phone, like I said like, hey, what's parking like at your place? And I'm like, oh, did you hang out? And he's like yeah, and I'm like, oh did you hook up? And I was like okay, And I felt super uncomfortable, but I didn't feel empowered enough to say hey, I'm really uncomfortable with this, but I was like, just moving forward, just let me know if you hook up. And it happened again. Anyways, long story short, like, I think you can probably edit all of that out well, but then I want to know. I have a question though, and while this is all happening, do you guys still have like a healthy sexual relationship? No? Not really, so, Like basically we broke up the person that I had thought that he had a connection with that he's denied the whole time. He I found out that that person had told my ex that he had feelings for him. When we were still together and we were all friends, we were like going out to conscience him and his husband, but this thing was happening. It was happening, And when I found out that they were together, I went crazy and I ended up destroying his car windshield of his Audie God in a jealous raid. You bust the windows. I busted the windows, and your ex boyfriends and my ex boyfriend. And this all happened at gold Him Hollywood. I'll let you decide what's the scariest part of this story. And then this is like really cryptic, like hopefully this makes you laugh because I think it's super dark. As I'm in my car about to drive away after I like I threw a water bottle at his windshield, I'm about to drive away, He's like Jimmy, He's like my fucking car. And I turned him and I go, this is just the beginning. And I haven't seen him since what So was it just the beginning? It was the end. See that's like sweet and endearing. I feel like it's so you guys. So what's so weird is that I thought we'd be friends forever and Windshield and so Windshield and it's like, because I feel like a breakup story is not super like I would have to be pretty delusional to think like, oh West, Hollywood, open relationship ending is like my sobs. But it's weird being comedian because you're you know, you're happy enough being sillient performing And I could not stop crying for like four months, like I every day four hours, and um I ended up going to therapy for it and talking about it. And I was adopted and I was in like I never really knew my my biological parents, and so there were all these weird parallels of like me thinking I was replaced and like I had a really unhealthy attachment to my ex and so but it would like I would go to auditions and casting directors were like, hey, how are you, and I'd be like not good, and I would tell them the story of my breakup, like it was so inappropriate. I would go to I would say, Jimmy, don't talk about it. Don't talk I was going to my friend's wedding. I was like, do not talk about it, go have fun, laugh, and then cut to me telling the bride. The bride who you have so little time with, the fact could work it in was shocking, so um, and it was just it was just really sad because I also was really angry that, like I said, all this hateful stuff, I threatened to beat up his new boyfriend if I ever saw them in West Hollywood, which by the way, is where they both live. And it was really it was really sad. Yeah, it's hard, and you know, people, I don't really follow you for like shoehorning that into every conversation for a while with anybody, because it's it's so like top of mind for you and it's all you're thinking. I identify with it. Actually tell myself all the time, like, probably not a good thing to bring this up, like this probably isn't like nothing stopping it, but you do it because I don't know. I think maybe it is like a flaw. But sometimes it is just like when these thoughts consume you, especially a relationship ending because of that, like that open relationship thing. It's really it's it's a it's a touchy topic, I think for the gay community because it's so works for some people and so doesn't for everyone. That doesn't work for it, and when it doesn't work for you, you feel like you're failing. And I don't judge anyone, like I know people who are in open relationships are so happy it works for them, And so I think I had this vibe actually too straight people like, look, I'm queer, this is what we do. Cut to me in pain, Like I really, I really had, Um, I really went through it, but um yeah, it's kind of a touchy situation and everybody is different, and I think, like you just have to do what works for you and it's okay if it doesn't work for you. But I had basically lost myself and saying that I was comfortable with things I wasn't comfortable with and not trusting my instinct, like I knew something was off and I just I loved my ext so much and I still even think he's a wonderful person, you know what I mean, despite everything, and I've just never had that thing where like you never talked to the person again that it's such a bad ending, You're like, never again. Well, I'll say I had a boyfriend for two and a half years and we actually one of the real one of the reasons, and we talked about this. One of the reasons why we kind of realized that wasn't working was because we tried being open and it was just toxic. And I think that, unfortunately, I have to admit that I was kind of I was. I was. I think I was. I think I was like the toxic person in the relationship where I was just like not willing to make things better with my boyfriend because I don't think I was really confronting the things that were wrong because I did want to stay in the relationship. I loved him so much, and I was trying to convince him and myself that the open relationship would like save us. But that's the mistake I think that gets made, is like, if you're in a relationship that's not working, the solution is not let's go to other people or at me, um, try to make someone else comfortable with something and then maybe it'll be better. Like it can only be worked on individually with yourself and you can't drag the other person down. And it is selfish to stay in something because of wanting to keep the relationship because there's another person involved. And so I think that you tell yourselves a lot of you tell yourself a lot of lies about like um, how it will be later, or like this is the answer, and it just it breaks it down. So fortunately for me, me and that person, Henry, are still friends and we still work together. But it did end not well, and I think it could have ended better and we had to really work on it, but we stayed living together for six to seven months, and that was kind of part that bothered me to us as as a third party, being like you gotta move out. But I also think that's why we're still friends. That's right, because imagine if you had ended the relationship with your boyfriend and you had been worse to still live with him plopping back in. And it's weird because I've seen we live very close to each other, so I've seen him in passing a few times and it's just we just don't even acknowledge each other. Have you had that bone where it's so bad you won't even say really, not really, I'm like because I just don't. I just have like a pretty like low sample, but I whatever. What the thing that struck me though, was that you were like that this married couple was like slowly being like folded into your lives though you know what I'm saying. It's like that's the thing that kind of like would drive me crazy. It's that like you know, it's like it's this insidious thing of like, oh no, like what we're just they're going to come to this concert with us, and you're like cool, and then like you suspect something and then you can't really you don't know how to bring it up to be secure, and yet the whole time it's like this is not okay, this is not okay with me, And then you're, well, there can't be anything going on, like he's married, you know what I mean. But I did think he was my friend, and I felt like very betrayed. Like that's the part that hurts him, Yeah, is that is that you grieve what you have with your boyfriend, but also like you thought your friend would have been it was so sketchy. And then my ex was like my side of the street is clean. By the way, his new boyfriend's ex husband now because now they're split. I went to fight my ex in the streets and think that your side of the streets clean and people are breaking your windshill and fighting you in the street like you're so examine. Yeah, but also it's like it's probably really hard for him to realize that. I, I like do think he's a good person. But anyways, I am here, I am later talking about it, but the iconic but you processed it on it, but you obviously like channeled it into something like you know, like good creative and like great, like okay, so like so what so what is what can you tell us about the short? I can tell you that basically, it takes you through It's really not so much of me trying to burn my ax or saying anything negative about his new boyfriend, but just more about that like grieving and how you get through grief and how um to do it in the backdrop of Los Angeles alone is weird. And then as a comedian like going to do comedy shows and teaching improv and like me fully like disassociating like um. And then there's some really cool people in it, like Lauren lapkiss Love Lauren, she's so funny, and Nico Santo and then um, you know who's playing my ex is twist Jonathan Bennett from me, and he's so perfectly because there's something about him that feels like he's not like I didn't want it to be like, oh, this is the my ex he's a villain. It's like likable, there's a manipulative I'm gonna say something, I'm gonna make a weird like assessment of like um not assessment, but I just what I love about what seems to be the common thread and like your stuff is that it's like there's this like really funny fragility to all these people you play and like, but there's like this like kind of this huge emotional like flare up that's happening under like like the veneer cracking of like you know, like you do chaos very well. Controlled chaos is something that is a real skill of yours, like you know, a laugh way from a cheer, Yes exactly. But this feels like, I mean this is community, you would say when she is community. Yeah, it's community, but it's definitely more like on the like raw more and the acting is real actually really funny before I was like terrible, like fucking this guy in a rehab like it was so like Red Flag City, and I created a character based on that who Drew Trvor played this guy Reta And I'm telling him, I'm like, I want you to be in this indie it's very real, raw and he's like, oh my god, great. And I also happened to be shooting a sketch that weekend. I don't know if you saw any of my clips. Was like, and he literally thought that that was what I was talking about. And then I'm like, it's this really raw, real movie. And meanwhile, I have a wig on. I'm just screaming out a bunch of other gay guys in a player and that makes me laugh. It was hilarious. But but I also remember at the time when you were in the relationship, you made a video about open relationships, which also popped off and was Sony's. So it feels like you and it isn't. It is a thing. It's like it's like as like gay men who are also comedians, it's like we don't really see those situations like in major television shows, and especially not like because they're not out there at all, not like the kind of comedy that we liked. So it is cool to see like you're making it like and making it yourself, because literally there are no shows with it, and especially not where it's just like about this, because now I feel like nowadays, in order to get like gay content like that even looked at, it has to be like a two hunter, you know what I mean. It has to be like a guy. And also he has a girlfriend who's like also as big of a character. And it's like, sometimes it's difficult to to write that when it's you because I don't necessarily know that perspective of that character. I know the perspective that I'm going through, but you don't see like you know the girls for for like gay man, you just don't looking. I guess tried. There was some I don't know where I saw, but someone said, like in TV shows there's usually just one gay character, and it was like, meanwhile, I haven't seen a straight person in like four weeks, so immersing World, and I thought, those, I don't know straight people, so for them to make up the majority of television is is obscene to me. I love when a straight woman is like following or a fan I'm always like I'm like spooked, I'm like, welcome, Hello. I don't know, I don't really know how to like translate this for you. I'm so sorry. Like we asked our live shows sometimes like who's straight and like the true voices that ring out were like should we bring them up? And like like what's going on? Thank you? But we had one reviewer never mind, actually cut this out, Doug. I was gonna say, we hadn't off the record, Yeah, we had. We had We had run reviewer on our on our on our pod who was like, I love the pad, had great things to say, and then she goes, also I'm conservative. Are we allowed? And I was like, wait, don't cut this out. I think this is a this is a good topic. Like it's I don't understand why. I don't understand. I don't understand why you would want to listen to us, but um, and we hope you have some like internal moral mechanism still intact after all this, but like, thank you for listening. But we're not going to like, you know, fucking cast you out. But it's it's just but thank you for listening. Like we we love an outside perspective. It's weird because it's like I don't know how far that reaches the conservative thing because I remember when um prop eight do you guys and um I had girls in my acting class who were like, yeah, like I do not believe gay And it was just like but you've known me for like years and like we like, you don't think I should. It was just a weird There was that area of time where like, well we can say it. I mean like Barack Obama was saying at the time he didn't believe in game right, and so was Hillary, and so was like even our political like people that we were supposed to respect and aspire to. We're saying this because it was still so recent that like LGBT people got any rights at all, and we have to remember, like in like the Graham Clock of the World, like we're on truly like eleven fifty eight of gay people being looked at as like equal. It's like four and a half years since marriage equality. That's right, and to even and what's crazy is like we've been through this with gay people, and we've been through this with like civil rights, where you know, it's fucked up to treat humans like they're subhuman and yet you still see people like in this in our country, like dragging their feet on whether trans people can use the bathroom that they want. It's like, you, guys, we've been through this. You have to treat human beings like human beings, like what is the big idea? And it's it's that's when you remember like it is. It is still to this day, like forget about representation. We're barely getting treated correctly. It's like wacko and crazy, and we demanded change. Um, I say, we take a quick little break, and then when we're back, we got to ask Jimmy the question, and that we're actually gonna ask him the question. We're back with Jimmy, actually are back, Jimmy, We're gonna ask you the question that we ask all of our guests. Okay, so this is what we ask them. We say, what is the culture that made you say? Culture is for me? So this just means like the formative thing growing up, TV show, movie, uh, you know, music, whatever it was that like locked you into like going down a cultural path in life. Does that make sense? Yeah? I think I was thinking about this. I feel like it was real world and like Danny and speaking of people, but but also just like the NonStop look into these lines. It's like so boring and like but also interesting. So I think that was a big part of it. And also Strangers with Candy. If I can say, why would you be able to say no? I mean yes, I mean my my thing is like well to touch on the real world of it all. It's like that was so like I remember, really if you had like cable did you have cable at this point? Did you know? All right? So like that was MTV was like almost like the forbidden channel for me because my parents were like, you could not watch this, no, And then I remember I became like fifteen and could watch it, and all of a sudden, I was like wow, and I was like so obsessed with these people who I thought were the most gore just a stranger seven Strangers. Side note, Comedy Central was blocked at my house. Twisted Yeah, and actually because if Stranger Stranger Candy, Like I was watching it at my moment like what is this? And then I couldn't watch it anymore? God, um yeah, that's the thing. I remember, Like my parents would always like walk in at the most inopportunity time when I was watching MTV like it was always like a spring break type thing, which I thought was the horny or it is you know, also side this is I'm sure I'm going to regret sharing this later, but um I don't. I was such a chronic masturbator where I would be like in a blanket, but like I would do it in public places, like when in my living room, parents around, sisters around, and I would have a because I started masturbating before my body could even produce semens, so it was nothing would come. I think it was like seven eight, Okay, I was ten and it was remember the first time I came. It was like it was like like like when you you know, when you see a piggy from a little little water bottle, it's like deep, deep, deep deep the water comes out like I don't like when you go to a petting when you check out a pig, it's just sucking down the water from the water bottle. What I mean was it came the hell, why are these pigs having water? You literally know what I'm talking about? Scared, No, you're just you're talking about like a guinea pigs water bottle and talking about a guinea pigs water bottle. Well, I pictured a little pig in my mind because I'm talking about going to the petting zoo. You horse, so I'm talking about first of all, you're both horse, and second of all, is you know what I'm talking about, which is at the petting zoo or if you need it to be this in a little cage that the guinea pig is in when that said guinea pig drinks out of the water. That's what it was like when I came at age ten. Okay, I feel like, yeah, I don't think anything was being created, and I would just feel that sensation and I would do it all the time cause it felt good. It felt good, And then I would do this thing where like, um, I would pull the blanket up to my chin, so like any sort of activity with my hands and my penis couldn't be detected because I wasn't producing com It wasn't like a cleanup situation and parents walking by. And then one day I'm from Massachusetts, it's ninety degrees humid, and I have the blanket on and I'm watching and it's like a sexy like lifetime sort of thing, like shirtless men on the beach. I'm fully masturbating and my mom walks in. She just looks at me and goes, you're sick. Now, to this day, I don't know she knew I was masturbating or if it was just like so I'm gonna say, she wouldn't just turn to her you're sick. But I thought maybe she thought like I was, it was sick because I I would say I'm cold. Okay, so she could have thought you're sick for having a blanket on you and ninety degree weather. Yeah, that's I was thinking. She was just like, oh, you're serious, But she did say pretty judgmental, so yeah, so it probably was that. That is literally wow, I'm so happy to know that, because did you feel at the time when you were like discaster waiting for the first time, like and doing it in the weird ways because you don't know exactly what to do. I used to hump the ship out of my pillows. Okay, I never got into that. I thought I was hump for Can I tell you my weird wave master beating in the we welcome that basically doing a man gina whoa that sounds painful and then fucking like like pressing like stimulating from the base whoa. Whoa. That was like so like putting your penis between your legs and rubbing like, but then the friction of your between your legs like kind of like didn't hurt, and then it hurts your balls and then you know. By the time I was like thirteen, I was like, Okay, this is not no longer tenable, and I fel like I'm done with this. I gotta do what I gotta do it the right way that I've seen important. That's interesting. I've never heard of that. I didn't find out like how to actually jack off with the hand motion until I was like well into high school. I was sucking my pillows and everything until I was old and old. That's interesting to me. Yeah, I would be fucking the show and I would I would be like, the craziest thing was I would be sucking these pillows and then one day I would come home and my mom would have changed the pillows, and I was like, I mean, can you confront can you do you remember in Bridesmaids when um uh Wendy to Clanton Covey is like, I saw a towel the other day, I broke it in half. That was how my pillows were. Oh, my god. Yeah, I was like a freak sick, like a sick freak. I was a freak sick, that freak sick. Um, that's I'm so glad we're talking about. That was vulnerable. I got to confess I in Montreal, in Canada, so I must do it about nine or eight or nine. Um did it in class one time. But yeah, back when it was no clean up. It was like had a jacket over me in clads brave And can you imagine if that in today? If that happened and you were exposed and like it would be like assault, you'd be Tom Hanks cust way. I mean, I mean literally be Wilson. You'd be Wilson floating in the damn water because you certainly wouldn't be the star, not with Tom Hanks in the movie. It's actually real culture number eighty eight. You can't be a star, not with Tom Hanks in the movie. Okay, so that's a real world. And um was that it was Karama was what what was that was? Was he New York? I remember I remember Karama on the Real World? Do you remember? So? I vaguely remember. Okay, they made it a huge It was like a straight acting black guy who was Danny was the first one, or no, maybe not the first, because I think that it was. I wasn't that it wasn't on my radar yet. Just um, he was this guy, he was hot gay. Yeah, I guess I'm like downplaying that. I think I was probably like my first crush. Well to see I think that it was kind of like, remember they blurred out his boyfriend was in the military. Yeah, that was that literally happened. So you watched twenty episodes of like this man falling in love with a blurred face and just like and MT was like, you'll deal with it. Yeah, and this is the gay narrative. I remember everyone being like, and it's so amazingly show this and it's like, well they show most of it that I remember. Like there was that thing of like whenever they put a gay character, character, person or lesbian on the show, it was like I would I would be so enraptured with it because I don't know how you guys felt or like, well you didn't really watch Real World at the time, but for us, it was like there was no like gay men in media. There was no representation. So it was like I'm fascinated to know what this real gay person feels because I don't know anyone and I don't see anyone. All you knew is that it was bad when you were called it, it was bad and you didn't want to be it, and yeah, how old are you thirty for? So then you probably you were literally in like what if I like what if? I was like, I'm thirty one? And then I was like, back, you have to I would tell you. I would, I would leave it in. I'd be like this mother. I really hate when people lie on their age. It bothers. Yeah, I get it. I don't get it. It's it perpetuates proud. It's so especially because it's it's actors mostly and now you're going to set eight nobody, but even being thirty four, like I remember I went down to San Diego. I don't even know what story I'm telling. Like you see people and you say their age, like if you're meet a guy or even anyone and you're like like, oh, I'm thirty four, Like oh, well, you don't seem it, and it's like, well, I I was born thirty four years ago. And every day, you know, I get a little bit like I don't know being it's weird. It's like it's like it's like I think when people say a certain age, when people respond to it a certain way, like that's it's like, oh, like you you consider that old, like or like there's something in you that's like needs to respond to it to try to comfort I was me and my best friend went to San Diego for New Year's and we found ourselves at a random apartment complex with these guys that we met at the club, and they were all and they were so like. This one guy, he was twenty two. He was like so aggressive, like he was so confident, and we're sitting in a hot tub and he's like putting the moves on me, and I felt so uncomfortable. I'm like, I'm thirty four, this was this, this is the series? Um and uh. He's like kind of talking. He's like how old are you? I'm like thirty four. He's like that's not too old, and I was like okay, and I felt like I had nothing to talk to him about. At one point, I literally was just like, do you believe in God? I asked him if he believe in God, because I was like, I don't know how to connect to him know that it is. It is crazy like and the other thing about being in a relationship and then coming out of it is like you were the last time you were single actually was two years ago, and it is a long time, so like the landscape is different. Oh yeah, I got together with Henry at twenty five. We broke up and I was almost twenty eight. And the way that the gay community treats a twenty five year old is so different from the way it treats are No. But no, I don't mean like like sob story. I'm just meaning like they the way they shall your age, Like when you see the number the numericle on the grinder thing, It's like people are so horny for a year old. They don't when you're twenty eight. You're like out with the maids. It's they're so age of stupid stupid. What was gonna say? Um? Oh, I was gonna say that. Um. This whole thing about have you guys seen Visible on television on Apple TV. It's a documentary sies. It's very good, very and like well reviewed documentaryies and Apple all about representation. In the first episode is all about like lave under scare stuff, and but that the first real gay person who was like heavily featured on television was Rosie o'donald not Rosie Donald, Paul Out in America. How disconnected. I wish you had not said with a question, but I wish you'd just been like Rosdonald. It was actually Rosie o'donald. Um. It was Paul Out from American Family, like the very first reality show and like the sixties, seventies, seventies, he was a gay character, gay person. It was the first RealD first like and it was like the guy who I forgot his name, the guy who started the real world as like took inspiration from American Family. This guy Paul Loud I think his name is Paul Lynd No, no, no, pauland was different. Plan was the comedian who was not never out now, which is so crazy. Who was the guy who did the Peter Pan I mean the peanut butter commercials, who was like, so I don't know that, okay. There were always these like flamboyant asked characters on like fops on on like shows, and it was always just like they came in, said their lines and like blew out. And now it's like there was no conversation about what they did the second day, lest they focused in his first episode because it goes in sort of a historical chronological order, and so this first episode focus is really a lot on Liberaci and like you really forget like he like had an impact and he was doing something that like no one had ever seen before, and like we like have weirdly like a cultural debt to him, I think is like gay man. It's like he was like really putting himself out there in a crazy, crazy way, like wearing what he wore and was saying what he said. Yeah, but he also was like in denial publicly about his sexuality of course until like the bitter end to the bitter end, which is so crazy, like to think about the fact, like when I saw a rocket man or like and to think there was a time where he had to even pretend that he wasn't gay, and like like like I said, like in the grand clock of time, like it just hit the moment where we were able to be out, like the fact that like fucking Adam Lambert was on an American idol and not out. He had to come out after publicly the show, because it's crazy that was like we were in college when that was happening, Like you were like, it's it's just like you can't. Oh, it's pretend that it's like easier. It's like people that say that ship where it's like, oh, it's easier now to be a POC, which was so you do not wish you were a POC. You're a white person with a lot of privilege. Like you want to know something, I learned a new lesson about racism and homophobia every week based on audience response to me seeing me on TV, and they lose their fucking minds. It's like we're still I mean like I used to be like, oh God, who cares, Like like yeah, yeah, representations great, but like we're past it. We're past like all this, all this, it's y'all. It's it's still there. Like it's pretty crazy. But the this whole Paul out thing is so interesting because he was like this. It was just really like liberal family. I don't know where they were out of it. It It aired on PBS and like millions of people saw like this guy who was just like yeah, I don't know, Um I'm gay, and um I don't really like hanging out with straight people. Like he was just like very like liberated in that way, and like everyone saw that and they were like they came to their own shitty conclusions about him. But but then like now you look back and it's like, oh, he was like so so so ahead of it anyway. Um, but Strangers with Candy also representation. Representation. Stephen Colbur saying a faggot in the first episode of Bitch and like we let him, we let him, we allow that. It's like, I did not know that that was a thing. Oh it's a faggy, he says. Faggy. Right, I can't remember that, but he's I think he says it throughout the show. There's some stuff. There's some stuff you're like, oh, this I don't think could hold. But you watch in context with like the period it came out, and like it's bad. Of course it's bad. It's defensive, but like you kind of have to laugh at like how ridiculous it is because at this, this is this is what Stephen Colber says, Um, all right, your homework is to do this is to write a paper on this, this, this, and don't make it too And he writes on the chalkboard and Grant cursive faggy. It's funny. It's just that is so funny, and that the fact of the matter is, like you would I feel like if you're like someone putting that on television, Like we talked about this with Chris and Sarah when they when when caper Land says gagging for you fagot, Like that was something they had to go back and forth with Comedy Central about like whether or not like they could just say the word faggot and clear, and it's because it's so triggering to people. And I will say, we use the word fagot and like to describe ourselves like and you know, our friends whatever, like because I think it's fine, But we constantly get feedback on this podcast every now and then that people are really uncomfortable with the use of the word fagot. And then you forget that, like not everyone has gotten to like move away from their home where it's like they have friends who say that to each other. A lot of people still exist in the world, like like I was thinking before, like people around our age exists in a world or grew up in a world where like Eminem was the most popular musical star and was saying faggot in a negative way, in a derogatory way, and like a dangerous, violent way for so many years, and then everyone was singing around us because it was pop music, so it's like weird, it's weird to think about. So it does, like I get defensive when people are like, don't say faggett. But then I'm like, and I'm like, were you talking about Like this is crazy, you're policing language, and also we were reclaiming it, but then you remember that it's it's different contexts for yeah, people yeager. For some people, I don't. I think it's funny. I think it's hilarious and like I'm hearing other people say it about me. Can I get in on it? And yeah, it'll take some of the power away, I feel, But totally people get a little visual with me too when they when they have problems with it. And again I'm not calling anyone now, but it's like I've gotten messages that are like you have no idea what it's like to like get hit in the face and hear that word, and it's like wow, I'm like so sorry that happened to you, But you also don't know that I haven't had that experience. You don't know that I haven't had other experiences. It's like, I feel bad that people have trauma about the word, and like, of course we do. We all literally at this table have been called it in a negative, derogatory way before. But it's like, not everyone that's the same place as you about it. So it's like interesting to think about it being used in media and the fact that like probably no one said ship when Stephen Colbert said it out loud and spelled it, because it is funny in that context. It's very yes, in the in that context, it's very funny. And god, what a good show, Paul Donello hot so that you're talking about this show this literally I literally was thinking to myself, did I bring the mood down? Because I was because I told these guys I was listening to Cola Scola and I was dying listening to him talk about Tinder Gold in London. What a crazy Like, oh are you meaning well when you're in a relationship now, right, But it's interesting to talk about the openness of it all. I think he'd be okay with me sharing this. I'm going to share it. But we are open newly because he's uh um in a different part of the country, like working, And so I think that it's just so crazy because I'm in a healthy relationship now and I don't have to have that thing that I think maybe I had in the last relationship or your boyfriend had, where it's like, no, I'm gonna pretend it's fine. I want the relationship. I'm gonna pretend to healthy. I don't have that at all because and I'm never scared to tell him the truth. And I think that's that's red flag number one. If you're in a relationship that's like trying something and you're not comfortable with it, but you're scared to say something. Girl, you gotta get out of that because you have that healthy communication. I mean that's internacy. That's like exactly talking about it. And when are you dating anyone right now? Are you seeing people? I I went you guys, I just got back in the game. I've been on three dates with one guy one two different guys, technically four dates with three different guys. And and the first guy said, I did not realize this was a date, and I was like, I thought it was people. People. Whenever people say that to me, I'm like that's huh, that's interesting. We're two gay men like who were who are like on the like so like wouldn't ordinarily hang out if if it wasn't a date. Yeah you know what I mean, Like, but we had hung out a little as friends a little bit soa but um but yeah and but yeah this one two different guys to take a break. No, okay, I'm just I'm just engaging in listening. Um, I'm such a people please A I'm like, should we end the show early just because it's not going great? Thank you so much? Um? I um, yeah, I went yeah, these two different guys I went on. Just I'm taking it super slow. I really feel like speaking not not to be like I'm so triggered by my trauma, but like stuff that I didn't expect to affect me affect me so hardcore after the breakup, Like even being at the gym sometimes, like I was like, I feel so uncomfortable. I feel like there's like sexual energy here and I have to get out of this. And I considered myself like I came up as much through the club scene as I did the comedy scene, working in bars ever since I was eighteen, and I felt like these are my people. And and after that experience, I was just I don't know, like sex in general, I was like so freaked out and it's weird. Well, it is triggering. I remember, like it's once. Once it's a hang up in your relationship, it will be a hang up afterwards because you'll be thinking I don't want that. I mean, well, but I know that you're right that it's like I'll have to work through it. Well, at least, what I can tell you is that it does get it goes away, like it gets better because like now that you have had this be a thing, like you will know what to look for in your next relationship, whether that's a boyfriend relationship or just someone that you mess around with or someone that's like you try something within. Then it becomes a friend. You know what you don't want, which is which is powerful and helpful. Yeah, and its own guiding force. And I also feel like you don't need to have relationships to know what you don't want. And like like like I feel like you've dated a lot of people form like short periods of time, and it's like I feel like you're you can almost be thankful sometimes that that's the case because it's like, well, at least I didn't have to really really really invest in this. That's something that I'm like, that was very hard about breaking up with Henry. It was like I was like invest in it for years, and you they meet your family and you meet their family, and then like you become friends with each other, and then it's like you said, you're scared to go places because you're triggering. It's like there's upsides and downsides to both, but it's it's um really hard to move on. Its hard. You'll do it. Yeah, I think I already feel so much like I'm in the right direction, but it was so hard to I just keep replaying the scenario, keep thinking about my ex, really regretting how I behaved because that's not like me, that's not how I want to be in the world, and then thinking should I reach out, and then ultimately it was like this is just like the chapter's closed, and it was like a very painful ending, but you did get to end it like with an iconic window smash it and I said, this is just the beginning, Like how fucking insane. No, I love villain, but my friends because I was in a really bad place for like such a long time, and so my friends we would have this text chain and everyone was like they were like babysitting me, Like they would come over and take me out, and I would just say the same goddamn thing over and over again, and every they would like text me like this is just the beginning, like they would mess with me. You created and that's really this can't wait because begin t um. This can be off the record. But there is a scene where I'm in an audition and Heidi Gardner is going to play a Julia Ashton character who and she like because I basically do an audition because it was based off I had an audition with a puppet and it was like in a deep depression and I'm talking about my breakup and then I'm doing like a weird voice. But there is this scene bow and if you're in in l A, I'll you'll have to be in this mega you have to make a cameo. And I'm with all these games, like because you know, guys, we audition for the same thing, and I'm like holding court and everyone's chiming in about this, so you shouldn't do this or blah blah, blah, that's oh, that's great. I love that. I love that. That is such a real thing. It's like every every roem I go into here, it's like I look at the list and I'm like, oh, my friends are left already. Every time I go to an audition, it's like, oh, Brendan scot John, Yes, I see Brendan's gone on a lot of lists. He's so sweet, the best boy, the best of the best boy. I shouldn't shouldn't call the boy, should not call my boy as long as you call huh, I don't care what you call me, as long as you call me. But then the dates. But it sounds like four dates for three guys. It sounds like one of them, at least one of them is successful. Like there's there's yeah, there's this one guy, and he's hilarious. I do guys like funny guys. Funny guys, yeah, but people do, not comedian wise necessarily, but guys that I mean, my boyfriend makes me laugh so hard. I'm dam Honestly, I think there's something like weird, Like I'm drawn to guys who aren't that funny. I've been I've dated a series of guys where there isn't that emotional? There isn't. Yeah, I've dated guys like that for years because sex is good. Yes, Sometimes sometimes like there's this weird bond. Sometimes I think it's unhealthy, Like I'll just you know, the best like relationships, they're like your best friend. And I think I've tricked myself into being like I'm very attracted to this person and I'm just like kind of like abandoning all these wants I have in a relationship. It's embarrassing to admit that, Like in a relationship, I'm not dating people that I click with emotionally, but somewhere along the line, I think I just I'm like, well it looks good on paper. You know, it's a arbitrary that like there's no there's no like stat card that like tells you like well, like you know you're compatible in this way and that like it's you you learn it all, Like it's over time. It's so trial and error, like you're like okay, and that's what they say. Like dating, it's you're collecting information. Like sometimes it feels bizarre to be like I'm hanging out with this human I don't know them. I'm seeing if maybe there's like it is weird. It is weird, but it's like a super long interview, and then it feels so sad when it doesn't work out, but it's like, great, now you're one step closer to finding if you want a partnership, you're closer to that. And also it's like you had all these great memories. I think that with the dating of it all, it's like I feel like in my early twenties, early my mid twenties, before I was ever in a relationship, the way I treated dating was like pretty unhealthy because I would go out on a date with someone and I'd be like, well, it's a success if I sucked them, or if if we hook up, it's like a success. So oftentimes I would like not be feeling it, but I would be like it, well, it'll at least be a success if I hook up, because I just wasn't very much. And I also think because gay people didn't get a chance to date in high school, like you do all these weird things and making weird rationalizations like that in your twenties and late twenties and thirties, and sometimes you know even later than that, because we're stunted growth because like I said in the ground clock, et cetera. It's only been recent that we're allowed to feel these things at the same rate as straight people. I feel that I felt for me it manifested in going too quickly, like you know, like in in middle school, it's like a boy and girl like each other and they're like they're together like that. I feel like because I relate to that, like it's happening so fast, we barely know each other, and then it's like so much time spent together and kind of unhealthy. Bonda. Well, well, I'm a lot of fun guys. I guess. I guess if you're listening to this and I'm not in a relationship, I mean, you know, looking for there's two single men here, oh and then one spoken for a guy who's open. Yes. Yeah, but you need to be treat me really spec I think it's for all of us. Things for all of us. I don't have to treat me at all. You can treat me like ship. I like it. Are you like on grinder and stuff? No, I can't. It's just it's too much stimulus. I'm literally like going on the most innocent like hikes and coffee. Yeah, it's good. I think it's good for me. I think, like, um, I'm just trying to not say because I also get attached if I cook up with someone too soon, so I have to kind of just but I mean, I honestly I wouldn't be against having like a fling and whatever. But I think we're just coming out of what I just came out of. I just feel like I want to just take care of myself, make sure i'm not you know, um, but yeah, this one guy I've gone on a couple of days, he's just really smart and super funny and like nice. But a lot of times things that are red flags for other people feel comforting to me, like like when people are U two, they act, they move too fast, Like I'm like, that's good because you like me. I like to go back to the guy I did in a rehab for a second time in this one hour podcast. I he was like I can't stop thinking about you. I've had to talk to my sponsor about it, and in my mind it's like and you're like I've heard. Yeah. I'm like this feels I feel safe because I think I have abandonment or I know now from going to therapy, have abandonment issues. So I'm looking for someone who comes in really hot and heavy. But the reality is when people come at you like that, it's really not about you or your connection. A lot of times it's like they're you know, they're weird bonding. They're trying to escape from some stance and they see you and they're like, let me, let me. That's that's an opening. Yeah, And I found it's easy come, easy go. Like if people come in hot and heavy, like they will be the first to balance. It doesn't that suck though, like because you think that those are the things that like are the genuine connections. Like That's what I'm still getting over is this like one moment where I was like the sparks damn flew and and then it was easy go. And then I was just like, but wait a minute, that was supposed to be Like and the thing that sucks about things like that too is it's like, but didn't you feel this thing? It's like it's like you feel crazy when I had a guy treat me very very badly because because because this person treated me so badly, and god, where was I going? I can's it's just kind of this thing of like can I know, like what happened? That was so yeah. I mean basically, like it was just back and forth of like it was months and months back and tell stuff. Um No, it was like we had hooked up one time and it was like it felt like special and we did it like all day and like and like this is like years ago, and then we would keep in touch over the years, like and it was like this thing. And then I came to the same city as him and it was like we reconnected really hard, and I thought it was gonna be a thing, and he told me all these things, and eventually, like I realized that he was not the kind of person that could follow up and do the kind of things and like be the kind of person I thought he could. And it was just such a shock because it's so hard to admit that you like allowed yourself to get got that way, because the feelings feel so real to you, and you're like, but you said all these things, and then you realize, like there are some guys out there who will say whatever it takes to get what they want, and there's some guys out there who will do whatever needs to be done to make themselves feel excited and like you entertain themselves and not everyone treats each other well. So I think it's good that you're taking it slow because you know, you're someone who if you let yourself like get hurt, which is a which is a useful thing to know about yourself. Yeah, I to your point bowing about like, isn't it sad about the spark? Now? I do think that there can be that genuine connection and that excitement and it's easy and you want to see them all the time. I just think there's also like that flip side where it's like a little bit of unhealthy atment, you know, so it's like just protecting yourself from from that. But I I am kind of romantic. I do think now that's the I think that's what it is. That's where it comes from for me. I'm just like, this feels so what's your like, what's your thing that will like trap you? By the way, if this is two personally, I'm just I love we can't get this. I love talking about this. What's my Honestly, when you're it's like this rehab guy who's just like I can't stop thinking about you. Rarely has ever happened at times that at the time cracky, it's so cool. It's yeah, it is, it's fun. And and they do and it's like that thing they have, like that obsession or whatever, and that moment and you feel like the most important person and it it feels so good. And and then when you're attracted to them and it has to match, it has I have to meet them at the it has to be like I've gotten it to where I'm just like, oh no, you just don't do this, like someone who's just like I'm so into you and I'm like, I I can't quite because you're not feeling it back right, And then I'm pretty I hope I'm pretty clear about that. Um, that's cool, honestly, Like it's so nice when people are just like, hey, like I'm not yeah I could, I could be better. I could be better. But anyway, that's yeah, that's my that's hot and heavy. I feel they'll get you. These I mean, like I remember like the line that there should be any for them, those types of people. I mean, they're called boys because that's because essentially what they're trying their own version of. Well, here's the thing. I's actually a real culture. Gay men can be number seven. And the fact of the matter is like I had this guy said to me, like, um, you would never move here because he moved in l A. And I was in New York at the time. And then I was like, oh, he really wants me to live there. And then he was like, I would come to New York just to see you, and I was like, he would fly to New York just to see me, And so then three weeks later, I did fly to l A just to see him, and they ignored me all week. You have to be kidding me. It was like sick that it's crazy because guys could be so mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I wouldn't just be honest with me. And then months that I finally confronted the person and it was like they realized that it was fucked up, but I was just like, you know, like it's it's it's too late. I'm already hurt, and now it's like we can try to move forward. And I have tried to move forward, but to varying degrees of success. Like once once you've heard someone, you've heard someone. Yeah, But I feel like if you're just straightforward, you're pretty good. Like if you're just like and to go back to my ex for one final time in this podcast, like had he just said, we opened it up. I'm connecting to this person and it's getting out of you know, it's it's developing. Like I feel like I would have been And maybe it's easy to say it now, but I feel like I would have because I came to him and I was like, what it feels like you guys are texting a lot, and he's like, I don't like him, and so when they were together, I was like, I literally was like Aaron Brockovich, like saying names and phone numbers and dates. I was insane. I tell my friend and the image I get it's like I'm this screaming woman in a burning building trying to guilt people and everyone's running from the building like it's done. And that was it was so hard to let go. But yeah, so hard because well, it's a long relationship. It's a long relationship. The clause are in. But listen, I think that we can all say that as a result of this conversation, we've all moved forward from anyone that's heard us in the past, and we actually don't care. And um, we're like du alipa in that song New Rules, because here's the rules. One, don't pick up the phone. You know he's only calling because he's drunken alone to don't let him in you'll have to kick him out again. Three, don't beat his friend. You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning. And if you're under him, you were getting over him. If you're under him, you ain't getting over him. I got New Rules, I got him. Wow, you've never experienced those lyrics until you've heard it like that. It's actually poets so powerful. I was listening to that song to a great I've rediscovered da in such a way because she's got new music out now, banging new music. You discovered to it in such a way well, because she's been preparing for her return and we've been living for her. But the song New Rules is so good. It's incredible. It's so good. Do you know what? No, I don't, And I'm like, this is my biggest fear. Because I listened to Benito's Love you guys did, but it was amazing and he's so hilarious. I love him, and you guys went this deep dive in music, and I was like, oh my god, I was like, I know nothing about this. I'm literally going to be like on the show, being like, did anybody watch Cheer? Have you talked about it at the pod? We've talked about on the pod. We filled each other and he filed me on the circle. I filled him on Cheer. I loved Cheer. I thought it was great. Yeah. Morgan was like, so I was. Morgan was my like, yes, that like arc where she you knew she was so captivated by Monica because Monica was a mom. She never had the treaty gave her attention and respect and the amount of respect that they and she respects them and she shows like it's like she shows up for them, and it was really cool to see. And of course she's you know, you hear about her. If I didn't watch the show, you might think she's this over the top personality and whatever. Yeah, no, not at all. But the way I feel about her is that it just shows that she's just she who she is. When she said the thing about don't come from my boys about games, I love that that. Did you guys already talk about that? We did not talk about that. She's um kind of doing her kind of confessional as she's driving, and they finally, there's so many diverse people. There's so many people in the LGBT family in UM on that team, and it's kind of random because they're in the middle of nowhere. And then she even said she's like I leaned conservative and she leans conservative, and yet she's like, um, she's like, I had a long conversation with my many conversations with my pastor you know about it, talking about you know, being gay, and she's just like, don't come for my boys, because they're my boys. Don't come for them. That's powerful and of all, and I was thinking all the times I've seen people put gay people down, all the times in my life. And she's sitting there and she's like, don't you dare And it was like all right, And she has power in that situation where everyone in this community respects her. Now, like the whole country and slash world knows about her. It's like she like kind of used to that in a very smart way where she was like, you guys, this is like not the way the right way to go about this. Yeah, I loved it. You gotta watch it. I gotta watch it. I gotta get over myself and watch it. I do this weird thing where when everyone says they love something, it takes me months. Parasite. I didn't watch Paris until last week and then and then he was incredible. Yes, I mean it's amazing. I just I just something happens to me where I'm like, I'll get to it. I'll get to it. And then I see these weird things that everyone kind of likes, like three times, like I saw I saw Bombshell three times, and also Knives Out three times and that was good. I saw a Little Women three times. These are all these are all good things. But it's like my thing is like I find something I like and I watch and listen to it repeatedly and don't do anything else. Like when there's a new album that comes out, I'll listen to the single and only that, like I'm afraid to listen to the rest of the album. It's really weird. It's a sick disease. But you just you're like that type. You're obsessive and you just love what you love. And I'm just like that type. I'm obsessive and I love what I love and I'm focused and I'm and I'm I and I'm Okay, side note about Paris. I just don't mentioned my breakup for the third time in the podcast. It's actually kid. I would the most disturbing things would soothe me because I was a movie. Yeah, just during that time in my life, because it came out when I was like, honestly I could do was sit there and I was like, I was just like felt like I had had been hit by a bus. I was like, breakdown, it's it's it's horrible, and it was funny to just to like show that. I went to um Joshua Treaty to try to like shake the experience, and I'm like, I'm starting over. And I found myself at a pizza place talking to two women I didn't know about my breakup, and I just listened. They were so sweet, and then the woman's like, you know, I know what you're going through because when I I had a cancer last year and I was in the military and I actually lost my job and it was really hard because during it all culminated in a breakup. So I was losing my and she's and she's not trying to make me feel she's trying to connect, and I'm like, I'm talking about an open relationship that was on the rocks ending and I'm like, this changed me forever. And she casually mentions her cancer and her and everything, and I was like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed. I've been talking your ear off for thirty minutes about this breakup and you went through so much. And she's like, you know, but pain is pain, and it was. And then she was like, but also I drowned less. Oh my god, pain is pain. Heway, I saw Parasite when I was really like depressed, and I found it comforting. Yeah, that movie gets It's a great really tough to watch at the end, like like in terms of like what happens to it's brilliant, brilliant, amazing. I think it's time for I don't think so, it's actually is I've actually been afraid of this. Yeah, were wingers, I don't think honey. We'll just in case you didn't know what I don't think, so, honey, use I'll tell you what it is now, which is our one minute segment where we take a minute to ramp to get something in pop culture that is kind of like making us feel I don't know, not so good, and we want to talk about it in a negative way, but cathartic way for and we do that energetically energetically. Do you have something I have? I do have something. Can you also talk about something? Because it's anything in like culture and you're in your world, anything in the word. I mean, you'll hear ours and you'll be like, Okay, that's all very silly. Okay, So you want to go first. This is Matt Rogers. I don't think so many time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Quimby doubters, Okay, honey. I know you like to make your jokes. I know some people out there like to make jokes. But my my thing right now is that I have a show on Quimby and you all have to download it or I'm gonna be mad. And I think you should doubt it because you should not doubt. I think you should not doubt it, should download it because there's gonna be good ship on it. Like Game Show, My Show with Dave Mazzoni, which is launching with Quimby on April six and has lots of amazing guest stars like Bowen Yang. I think there's also going to be lots of good ship on there. Like Christie Teagans show, Christie's Court. Lots of good shit on there, like Steven Spielberg has a thing that's coming out, and you should just look at the roster of talent involved and you'll like it. Quimby doubters. I don't want to hear any more jokes about Quimby because it's important to me that it goes well. However, I do understand that tweeting jokes also gets the name Quimby in everyone's mind. So continued to tweet, continue to talk, talk, talk to your thing, but you can never book my shine. And that's the one with the David Mazzoni shout out, shout out, and you know Dave from the Diversity, Okay, so funny, he loves you. He described it that he had the Amorosa storyline. Yes, he said he had the Amarossa storyline of CBS Diversity and that he wasn't there but had like when he would come in, he felt like like no one liked him because he was working on game show, and like he would have to miss a lot of rehearsals, and so he had he was like a shady character at the beginning, and then was beloved by the wow that we love that. That's such a good arc. He loves you. Oh, I think he's really funny. Yeah, he's he said, you know who gets it, Jimmy Valley. I'm like, And then I said, we had a lunch and he talked about Aladdin. Well, the thing is like Aladdin was so born that I blocked it out. I'm sorry, Aladdin, night stick, it doesn't stick. Okay, I will not remain speechless, um bowen. Yeah. Yeah, here's the thing about you. Mm hmmm, it's your I don't think so, honey. On this the episode with Jimmy Fowler. Okay, and your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Cool party hotels, Like, make hotels what they're supposed to be, which is where people go to sleep at night and not have a pool situation or a roof situation. Stop trying to make hotels cool. They're not. I remember when hotels, the pinnacle of hotels were damn Best Western's Hilton's and you got what you paid for, no frills, no musk, no fuss. Okay, and now now you got your standards and your gangs. It's bullshit. It's bullshit. If you throw a party at a hotel, I will lose respect for you, darling, and you better throw your birthday party at a bull long alley. Bring me back to the days of modest birthday parties without having some likely limp bar with fucking rat ratan and wicker bullshit all around. Let's go back to basics. You gotta go to some sex site specific birthday party that it's not a hotel, because who are you fooling? No one's sleeping there, no one's drinking there. It's it's it's it's it's in between worlds. And that's when I'm actually already happy about that. Yeah, like these really cool hotels like you know, Yotel and like New York, like are these psycho hotels? I'm like, this is kind of amazing, but it's it's just also weird, and it's like, what where did these people come from? I also want to say no frills, no must, no fuss. That's actually a real culture number twenty five frills, no must, no fuss. And my favorite birthday I ever had was at a roller skating rink, and I think the community should do that more that more. There isn't you have you ever been to my boyfriend and Brendan. They go a lot. Vicky l A. Gays are very good at the roller skating culture. Where where is it? Can you plug? It's in Glendale. I think it's called Moonlight roller Derby. It's so funn They actually even have a gay night fun. We should go, we should go, we should go Wednesday. Okay, it's Wednesday's right, it's happening. Okay, next time, next time, next time. I'm here on Wednesday. And then in York over the summer's people in Prospect Park gay nights and skating. Josh Sharp and I went to Beyonce Night last year and in Prospect Park all the gays were out. It was so fun. That is everyone knows that a roller skate well, I blade. I was a blader as a kid. Yeah, I was a big blader. I was walking. Yeah, I was good enough. Yeah. I could never figure out like skateboards either. I just yeah, I tried to skateboard in college, like you know, and that's your pastor wiped out pretty bad and I was done. Yeah. No, I mean it's not for us skateboards or straight culture. It's actually culture. Number twenty one skateboards, skate rate boards skateboards are straight culture that they should be called straight boards. Okay, now I think it's type for Jimmy Fowley's I don't think so, honey. And it actually is time, and Jimmy, your time starts now. I don't think so, Honey. My sister who forgot my grandma died twice. Honey, I told you about Christmas. Okay, I cried on the phone. Of course, it was a sad day. Six months later, when we grabbed lunch in l A with our aunt, you said, I really miss Mark. I want to meet his kids. I miss Grandma Fouley, to which we said she passed and she and you said, no one told him, and I said, I told you. Six months after that U uh uh, Christmas card with twenty dollars from Grandma Fouley was circulated to you from Dad saying this is obviously the last part from Grandma Fouley. And you you called me and said that was kind of shady that Dad said that, because it's implying that she may die soon. And I said, honey, she died. This is truly the third time I told you you need to remember this stuff. You are a drug addict. I love you, honey, No, you are a drug addict. I love you. It's true, you are a drug addict. I love you. Wait a minute, on Christmas Day that she's an icon. You told her on Christmas Day that she had passed away. I told it was it was a few days I think before after Christmas. I was home and she was she was away. She was back in l A. Because you have a fucking holiday anchoring the damn memory of oh Grandma fui. It was haunting, Like I was like, this is scary because it really was me each time saying and she said, no one told me. My favorite part is the third time where she received a card and the dad said, this is obviously the last card from Grandma Alley and she said, it's actually shady that he's implying I's been dead for there. I couldn't believe it. She's like, she's like, obviously implying. Honest, she's so righteous and like yeah, and she's like, come onto this theory that I had. Why would he imply this? Christina Fowley, Oh my god, damn mind listen to this. I don't even think you get reception to podcasts at your house. Why would he imply this. That's so funny. Oh my god, so good Grandma Fowley. Oh no, we'll rest in peace and we respect and we love and we remember Grandma Fouley. Um. Oh she never my grandparents never sent money. Yeah, that's but they were in a different country. Yeah. Actually they gave me plenty of money, just Chinese New Year in the red envelopes they gave me. Um. This is a fantastic episode. We had the best time. I love you guys. You are out of content role hilarious spelled. However you want to l a R e O s. You really do and like your friends, like not to be too corny, but like your friendship, your back and it's just it's awesome and I think that you guys see what you do. I'm such a huge fan of you. Guys. We we We've been admiring and loving you from far for the time. You truly are. I feel like, um, we never really got to meet and hang out because of being in different cities, but I'm so excited we're in the same city now and I wish we would hang out more. We have to. Okay, you hear it here and you heard her right now, and actually if you don't see me and Jimmy hang out together, just know that um kill us, skilts us, or just know that intense drama happened right after we wrap and that and actually, if you asked me about it, I'll tell you, Yes, I will spill all the tea come on, um, But for now, until then, we do end every episode with a song, and that song is drop everything now, eat me in the pouring rain, Kiss me on the sad, take away the pain. Because us see sparks flack every Remember when I just said and I see sparks fot I said, fee sparks flack. Guys, I fee I fee sparks five. We love you. Bye bye, Hey guys, It's me Matt Rogers again. Just wondering if you pre ordered Quimby yet. Um. Just as a little reminder, A game show, my show that I created with Dave Mazzoni, is premiering on April six on Quimby two straight men competing on each episode to be called gay as fuck and earned the title of Queen of the Streets. Who will win? What are the shenanigans we put them through? Does anything that happens matter? All these questions are more answered only on game show on Clibby April six and the April trial. Do it

Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang

Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey in 
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