I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger WinegarBridger quietly suffers while receiving an unwanted gift from Vic Michaelis (Very Important People). The two discuss Christian hit men, crying in public, and MLMs.
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Well, I invited you here. I thought I made myself perfectly clear.
But you're a.
Guest to my home. You gotta come to me empty.
And I said, no, guest, your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff.
So how did you dare to surbey me?
Welcome to I said, no gift. I'm Bridger Wine girl. We are in the backyard. We're here. I hope you feel okay. I hope you feel fine. It's been raining for about four days. The rain do they say the rain is broken? It's gone. The skies are crystal clear. And I know you know. A large chunk of twenty twenty three on this podcast was spent talking about my home flooding. It was just kind of a NonStop topic. I know you're sick of it. Everyone's sick of it. I'm sick of it. Apparently even God wanted a new topic on this podcast. Because the house did not flood this time, I can reveal today that my home is dry for now. So let's all just be thrilled. I'm riding a high that's indescribable. Let's get into the podcast. Today's guest is so funny, so excited to talk to them. It's Vic Machayliss. Oh wow, Vic, I'm just looking dry, dry as a bone.
I thought that before, and I'm a little behind the music. I think with this you did fully turn away for me to do the intro and then turned into it and you said it, and then I.
Thought, wow, dry as a bone.
Everything, shoes to hair, everything is, the world is dry. The inside of my house is dry.
Congratulations, by the way, so.
Much, thank you for your support. The listeners have been very supportive. Onalise did not reach out. You know, we're feuding.
Tough because I would have assumed you'd seen each other a couple of times in between that.
No, no interest on Realise is not interested in the moisture level of my home anymore.
Okay, that's a choice. No, it's fine. I'm not judging. It's you know. Would I have reached out, Yeah.
Of course. Had we known each other prior to right now, you probably would have been writing.
Had I seen on Twitter from a stranger that there was a chance your house was flooding, I would have reached out.
I wanted to know how was the rain for you?
Fine? Fine, honestly fun.
I have spent a lot of time in the Pacific Northwest.
So it's like a snow day for rain.
You know, it's like it's fun, It's it's costplaying rain when l rains.
You know what I mean?
You feel like it's Yeah, it's because we're not used to it, and it feels like kind of a fun, exciting little novelty. That's what I want.
Have you spent much time like in places where it rains along?
No, I grew up in a desert. I live in desert Utah.
Oh amazing.
It's kind of a surprise desert. I mean, Salt Lake City doesn't feel their mountains and.
It's not like mask Mormon x X.
But yes, previous Mormon, I'm obsessed you are.
Yeah, I also grew up and I'm if this is offensive? Let me know cult adjacent where I'm not denominational, like big, big, big churches.
So was there a name? What was the deal?
Do you know?
Harvest Bible Chapel.
I love that name.
It is a fantastic name.
I don't know.
I don't know if I can. I mean, like, listen, don't sue me. I can't afford it. I really can't afford it. But like our pastor, so I did two churches because my dad wasn't very religious, but then he was a single dad and I got sucked in because you know, they know how to pick them.
And I I It became my entire personality.
If you double time, I would.
Do a regular church at Christ Community Church, and then I would do my youth group there and then also my youth group at Harvest Bible Chapel, which became the big part of my identity.
Wow, that is too much, I would say, it was too much.
I would agree. I had a big conversation with my dad. I remember in a car very vividly, where he goes, I don't believe in Hell, and I said, oh my god, my dad is going to hell. That is this is the worst thing that's ever happened to anybody but I.
But it was.
It was one of those things where like our pastor was, they were the kind of ones where like they were made, they were living the like three million dollar mini mansions, and I'm like our pastor got I won't say his name because I don't want you guys.
I'm sorry, analyst, I'm looking at you. I don't want you in trouble.
I was constantly getting sued by churches and cults. It's kind of their things, and that's.
Fair enough it but we uh, he got like housted from the church by the elders because is allegedly he put a hit out on his son in law and one of the writers of Christianity today, he like tried to hire a hit man.
And how far into the process process did he get.
I don't think that far.
I think that the guy had like recorded him and was like, this is a thing that happened, and there.
Was a big expos in Christianity today.
And I think he lives in California now and like he is a podcast and it's of course like the faction of the community that's like I don't understand why Pastor I'm not going to say his name. I don't understand why Pastor Blank is gone. Like this is like crazy, Like people have sinned? Isn't that what we're about? Is we sin and we are redeemed? Is that not our thing? Which is crazy to me?
So let me just make sure what.
You were expecting for today, this is what I was hoping for.
This is what I always want out of the podcast, and every guest until now has failed me. So it is the official grand opening to hundred episodes later. Okay, so Pastor blank Dale, Oh, I love that hires or attempts to hire a hitman for two people.
For two people, the Unity today was doing the expos about like basically siphoning money.
Off of the church towards the mini mansion. Yes, gets ousted, then moves to California and starts a podcast.
I think he just sort of like had his side gig because it was one of those things where he was like like a at least a local celeb pastor. So it was one of those things where that I'm assuming was where he got like early podcast money.
First.
Oh, inter he was he was in with the stamp monkey or what was that thing called male monkey, chimp mail.
Chip, mail.
In box, chimp for whatever it's called.
Sounds right, I'm too nervous to do that. I will agree hard with you.
One of those names must be the name of a business that was probably early podcast money. All that aside, there were no criminal charges, I.
Don't think so Wow.
I think it was like speculation, speculation enough, like he said, he said that it was the type of thing where it was he got ousted from the church, and I think, you know, especially fifteen years ago, that would have been like a scandal that nobody ever would.
Have come back from. Right, And now it's sort of just like you can do whatever you want.
Yeah, like in a post sorry to say, a Trump world, we're just sort of like, I don't know, Maybe he's right.
Maybe it's did they think about maybe they should allow him to put a hit on those people? Maybe they shouldn't be here? Like that was sort of like the vibe.
Getting away with murder. I'm always like, when you're hiring a hit man? Sure, where do you start?
A great question?
Did you ask around?
Yeah?
Do you put out like an Instagram?
Uh? Close friends question? Yeah? Hey guys, kind of a private issue, but I have two people that need to be dad. They did.
Do you want me to google this?
Oh? Let's get you.
On So sorry, but I'm kind of dying to know, is it? I feel like Craigslist has to be the only safe place.
For that these days, right, maybe dark web?
Dark web?
Well, but this was probably prior to dark web.
Can you stumble upon the dark web? That's actually a legitimate fear offy.
Kind of like getting into lost forest or something. Certainly like those cartoon eyes in the dark and you hear like the howls of wolves and that kind of thing. Yes, I don't think you can stumble. I think you have to make a real effort. Okay, I think you have to get like a maybe it's mail chimp. I think that it must be called male chimp.
That sounds it is you said it, and something inside me awoke.
Yeah, it's like remembering an old song. Yes, we're not going to associate male chimp with the dark Web.
Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly allegedly, we don't know, and we wouldn't speculate.
I assume that's how their businesses. They get you into the dark Web.
It's just like, how are they still making money? I had a streaming service. I think for a little bit of my.
Crazy, streaming services simply aren't making much. Sure, dark Web, I think you have to get like a different browser. Let's say you have you probably download I Fox dark Web.
That's what Firefox is.
Firefox interesting or opera Opera sounds like the browser you would get into the dark web.
Opera like that?
Is that the type of one where like they donate a tree for every Google search you do.
I know what I'm talking about.
There are too many trees at.
This point, there's too get them out of here.
You have to burn these things down.
That's what because now the rain comes because they know how many trees we've got, right exactly, So keep your house dry. You're very anti rain, I've heard, especially in southern.
Telifornia, the anti rain. I want, i want this to be a full desert. I'm ready for the water wars. Yeah, i am. I'm one of the few people that's like, I'm stalking the water in my house. I've got bottles and bottles. I'm ready to sell the water to people who are dying.
I really love that. I'm sorry. I know this is your show, but I'm desperate to ask a question.
Please.
You said, ex Mormon, how long you've been out of.
Mormonism is That's a great question. It's I don't know, like the slow exit began when I was maybe twenty is oh baby, But then it was a decade before I came out. And then but like in that decade was the real leaving the church. Sure, and then once you're professionally gay, then it's like they would have kicked me out anyway.
Yeah.
So it's some people like they get really involved, there's like excommunication and all this, but then you kind of have to play their game with them, and it's like, well, just leave me alone.
Yeah, there was a big Sister Wives fan over here.
Yeah it is oh man, just like so delightful. Though then I found out again allegedly they're all in MLMs, and that made me like it was hard because in the off season when all of them left Cody, I was like, amazing, fantastic, fabulous, And then I went to Christian's Instagram and I was like, oh, no, we are actively all in MLMs.
Which is are they different MLMs?
It's one MLM. I can't remember what it is specifically. I think I want to say it's a shampoo, but no, it's diet stuff.
Diet stuff. That's a big one.
It's a big one. And as somebody, I come from an MLM family. So my cousin Barbara isn't listening to this.
But if she is.
Well, and the good news is you're gonna have to sell the house after that, so there's not going.
To be an issue lawsuits. Your cousin Barbara sure allegedly allegedly, Yeah, she does have a babs in her Instagram.
I'm scared people are going to go find her. Don't talk to her about this. I'm begging you.
I can't. My family can't handle this.
What was she selling? Am I a little bit?
Do you know?
Girl in the Pearl, are you familiar?
No? What's this?
My god?
I'm kind of obsessed with it. It's a little bit incredible if I think about it. Actually, it's largely and as all of them Marty stays based on Facebook Live. What is it called up up so, what's the real name?
What's the quote real name for it?
For MLMs?
Yeah, oh, pipeline marketing.
You know the bad words for pyramid scheme.
Pyramid scheme.
They call it like direct direct sales.
Direct sales, which aren't all sales. Kind of direct sales.
Yeah, I feel like I mean, if you're buying something from a grocery store, aren't you directly buying from a grocery.
I guess it's more you're being direct to the person rather than them coming to you.
Sure.
Annoying sale, right, annoying sales? Yes, just being irritating.
Girl and the Pearl.
You basically it's a lot of being like, Okay, I have an oyster. I have an oyster who in the chat would like to buy this oyster and then we can put it in any kind of set, and so like, oh, I'm hearing maybe there's two pearls in here, Like let's take a peek at this, and then you open it up on the live and be like, here's your pearl. This is your pearl, and it's going to go in whatever, like jewelry set you wanted to go in.
This is like lottery. This feels illegal. Yeah, you're buying. And I thought that this was all going to be metaphorical, and they're literally literal.
Oyster, a old girl, a woman opening a graduating girl is opening a pearl, is prying open an oyster on camera?
Is there ever no pearl?
Probably?
So, I think it's kind of one of those things where I'm like, I think they.
To rig it, juice it up.
I think they got to rig it a little bit. Yeah, maybe that's the that's the lottery portion of it.
They get away with it because it's a guaranteed pearl.
It's a guaranteed girl.
Are there ever, like they open it in just dozens of pearls? Fim, It's like this disgusting. Does that ever happen with an oyster?
Gotta at some point, right, I think I.
Do think if you if you say something out loud, it's happened.
I think so too, because it is I have no idea is a new idea, And if there's no new ideas, then technically it's out there somewhere exactly where to come from.
And it's like there's octomom, So why couldn't there be autoclam?
You know? I mean, I fully agreed.
You said it. I feel great about it.
So are you are you watching these live Facebook Facebook client?
Oh?
I've got to get back on faceboo?
Well, the company is deceased, defunct.
Deceased out of money instead, alright.
It's like themes is out of money.
I think that they got sued a bunch of times because the oysters were coming. Like, I do have a story. I'll tell you later, but I can't tell you here because I feel like I'm already tearing my family apart with this little.
Your lawyer has quit. Yeah, okay, I've got Girl in the Pearl, Girl in the Pearl. Are you aware of any other MLMs currently happening?
Of course?
What are some others.
I mean, like you got the classics herbal life, did you ever do that?
There is a shampoo one? Do you know what I'm talking about?
Shampoo I didn't have to do with chessan.
Oh, chess got to be sounds like we talked about the board.
Yeah. Yeah, he had a hair that he had a shampoo that's making people's hair fall out.
Well, okay, so I think this monette also was making people really sick and making their hair fall out.
And that one was.
Also because I think it's a it is a pyramid direct marketing scheme.
Can you still call it scheme if it's the good word for it?
Sure?
Okay, the direct marketing scheme, the dreg sales scheme is I think it is like it's all about people buying your downline and being like you're gonna be a part of this and you're going to sell and.
You're going to buy a bunch of the products or garage is going to be full of this product that no one wants.
Exactly, So I know that's one Herbal life is urban life.
Is the essential oils, right.
I think so?
And then powders and like a skinny tea want it feels like it's got to be.
I mean, if then they made a big mistake with that name. If that's not an MLM. Yeah, that's not a product somebody buys off a show regularly. Skinny te skinny tea.
But that you know, we say that, and then there's Bethany's got the skinny Margarita mix.
Yeah, but she was kind of the original.
Yeah, and trendsetter.
It's also yeah, skinny tea.
Skinny tea.
What is that? I don't know, Methy.
It's the thing that influencers are interesting.
Influencers and MLM go very hand in hand. Interesting.
Why do you become an influencer if not to be the top of an MLAM.
It is kind of just an MLM. Sure you just have that pyramid of followers, Permi Well, I.
Mean, yeah, I guess that is Instagram in general. Is Instagram and mL.
I've exposed something big here.
I think this is huge.
It goes all the way to at the end of this episode, Pastor Dale is going to call a hit on us.
We've said too much.
We can now reveal that Pastor Dale is Mark Zuckerberg.
Is Mark Zuckerberg on at least, did you ever.
Get any information about hiring a hit person.
Orne I'm on a monet, yes, but also uh, hiring hitman. I found a Cora article which is always trust hiring.
A hit man?
Real?
How do I hire one?
And basically I'm just going to kind of summarize a lot of the tips that this person gave was like, just take advantage of vulnerable people. It's like, go hang out near the border of Mexico, like go hang out near a halfway house people, or like you know, military basis, like people looking to make an extra buck.
Like that's essentially our these.
Copywriters that are writing this, I feel like it's got to be somebody watched, like uh, like the wire or something, just like, oh, I I know.
But immediately I am exing out of this.
I already wrote a note to my FBI agent in a separate search window.
My job. I'm a I'm on a podcast and I have to look up weird things. Please do not arrest me. Yeah I love that.
Yeah wow. So basically, just find someone desperate enough. Yeah, get on task, grab it, look, get on fiver.
I mean I guess that's like anything, right, Yeah, anybody's a job other than being desperate enough.
For money that you have to do it.
We're all hit men on some level. We're just you know, it's hit men. Yeah, MLM's hit men. I feel like we've covered two of the bigger topics sort of.
I mean like that was sort of the list that I came in with.
So what was your exit from the situation? The religious situ great question.
I feel like it's sort of like you said, it was the what's that John Green quote where it's like slowly and then all at once, you know, which is I think about falling in love, but also leaving the church specifically. Where I really think it was like pandemic was when I, like I left in high school, like I think too, like being a queer person and then having a lot of complicated because we were very like us because I went to I begged my dad to let me go to this very Christian high school, and so we had a lot of like chapel like in the mornings and then also in the afternoon three times a week, and then it was like we had a lot of like the prey the gay away that would like come through. And I remember going up to one of my teachers one time and being.
Like, hey, so like what how how bad.
Is this on a scale of how bad? And I just remember her looking at me and nic and going why do you want to know and being like great, great, I love this and this is exciting and I think that this is good for me. And then we moved up to Canada and I was like, you know, it just was like a whole world was open up to me. I went to an all girls' school and yeah, was a very different five.
So that was sort of like the initial exit.
But then really over the pandemic, I feel like I had this big because I still a little bit like the scariest thing that can that I can watch is like demons and ghosts, like inhabiting people's because you a little bit, I'm just like, you know, it's it's that Who's that philosopher that talks about sort of like the maybe of it all right, where.
It's like it's maybe like if God doesn't exist? Was it Pascal? Where he talks about like if God doesn't I'm sorry.
You're asking one of the dumbest people alive.
No, that's not true. That can't be true. I'm sitting right across room you.
But it's that idea of like if God does exist and you believe in him, then like and you say you believe in him, then like, what's the what's the harm?
The worst thing that can happen is that he doesn't exist?
Yeah, and so I think I really live by that philosophy for a long time. But then also too, I just like the fan club is tough, right right.
Yeah, it's a not a not an easy exit. No, but yeah, ghosts off. I'm always like, well, I kind of hope I kind of hope I not come scare me.
Yeah, yeah, I kind of love that.
What would you come back as if you could like come back as something you got to.
Pay like animal wise?
Yeah, Okay, here's a two part question actually, because it's sort of that idea of like if you think you're assigned to something based on how you're living your life, what do you think you come back as?
And then like in an ideal world, what would you know?
Okay, So like what would I be kind of punished because of how I am or gifted? Gifted? I would say probably like a loose pet, like a small not an animal that lives outside, maybe like a gerbil that got out of its cage on the outside.
No, come on, you're painting yourself something that's like five years top. Yes, come on, when I'm coming back a cockatial at least something.
An escaped cockatail I could get into.
The free range cockatile Does that exist.
Or are they purely bred indoors?
I don't know. That's a great question.
Parrots around here.
Are you saying a loose pet in terms of one that got out and escaped and is now living in the wild and.
Kind of just ward bound bound? Interesting?
Okay?
Interesting?
Let out on purpose?
Not on purpose escape? I think probably, Like in a.
Move the Bridgerie, you just describe yourself as the dumbest person on the planet not one second ago, and you're yet you are saying that you're smart enough to escape and have and have the wherewithal to survive, and I that reads.
Is true to me.
You're You've completely misheard me. Not escape. The family's moving. I'm in the cage. It falls out of the back of the van, and I like the cage breaks, I get out and now I that's that's.
What I'm coming surviving through the power of friendship and maybe music.
I'm mouse in the motorcycle. I'm I love that Cricket in Times Square? Did you ever read that book?
Didn't, But I'm gonna agree with you hard.
I got a little country mouse that goes to the city.
I love that Fido.
Fido is different.
No, you don't know Fi and you know cricket in the mouse.
Fio Okay, you know fight. I know it is like the Red Box version of that movie.
Sure as animated very quickly to compete.
By one of those West like companies in Taiwan or whatever that do the cheap computer animation for.
Is that the song? Maybe finally, maybe I feel like out there.
Somewhere out there is what I'm thinking of.
Five. I think have a lot of crossover in my mind, similar story.
And totally sure why.
Not five will make it rich at the end of that movie. I like to think so.
And is he also American tale?
Yes?
The other mouse family that immigrates.
Yes, they have to be confused with the Great Mouse Detective.
Oh, fully different.
They stay in Europe.
They stay in Europe and detect and detect different families.
Yeah, one of them ran away from their problems. You don't really sort of dug down and and found found out that sometimes I love to start talking and I don't totally know the end of a sentence is going.
It's like jumping off a bridge and then you.
Just find your way to the ground. Yeah, maybe it's water, maybe it's concrete.
Yes, but it's do you get back up again? Sometimes?
Now I call it today what you were hoping for when inviting me on this podcast.
I already told you this is what I was hoping for.
This is exactly what I'm big on. Communication.
There is something I didn't want on this podcast, or something I didn't hope for sure. Look, Vic, I was excited to have you here today, Thank you Bridger. I thought, who knows where this is going to go? God only knows. But we'll talk about something, Okay, hopefully they'll pitch me an MLM. Yeah, we got close ish, but then you showed up. Well. Actually, I guess I was a little late to the podcast today because I came into that.
I was here Anneli's and I were chit chatting.
I heard laughter, chit chatting. I thought, what's going on back here? So I walk up and here you're sitting with from where I'm sitting and at the time was standing. Appears to be a gift. The podcast called I said no gifts.
Right, So I just I saw gifts and I said, gott to bring one.
There's only one word you can read. Yeah, yeah, but the gift is here. It's in a you know, like a little box that's probably a foot long with little trucks. Well you didn't see the best part season's greetings. Oh and it's beautifully wrapped with This is duct tape. Yes, this is duct silver, silver duct tape. I need a roll of duct tape at home. You can use that.
Dang.
You know what. This really sucks to hear Bridger because between this the other thing, and I'm not kidding I was going to give you is I accidentally on Amazon ordered some duct tape and they sent me twelve rolls of welve and I almost give you six rolls of duct tape.
Wow, your kids are going to inherit that. Yeah, grandchildren, great grandchildren are going to be getting a duct tape.
Year after year. They'll pass it down log what is this. It'll be sort of a ceremony.
Wow, that's amazing. I do need duct tape. I have like blue painting tape.
Oh not the same, not the same.
Not that useful falls off pretty easily, especially on a wall, falls right off the bone, like they say, Okay, well the gift is here, should I open it here? On the podcast, I think you should.
Okay, I think at this point to be rude.
Not to it would be rude, and I'm, if anything not rude.
Yeah.
Well, now I'm holding this and it felt like it was gonna be one of those clothing boxes or like the it's a hard box solid I'm going to open it up here, says Season's Greetings has a cute little red truck with a Christmas tree in the back.
Yep, and this is really impressive one hand opening wrapping.
You know, you get used to it.
I've seen your previous guests too.
Oh that's nice.
Previous guests who I know we're not supposed to bring gifts also, but I did see would brought them in bags.
And now I'm kind of understanding why I love.
Opening and thank you Onalise. The listener loves to hear unwrapping. You know, people love the unwrapping.
Is there a greater sound in the world.
I don't think there is.
I don't think there is, either the possibility.
Possibilities, the crunch. Yeah, it's very tactized. Sure, okay, okay, so no, it's like in a hard free same day pickup box from Walgreens. Huh.
Okay, So my favorite place on the planet, by the way, is it really yeah? The photos counter at Walgreens.
They have a photo counter.
They do.
I found it for the first time a few weeks ago, and it's really kind of taken over my life.
Where is there a Walgreens in Los Angeles?
Do you know the Target on Western? Yes, right kitty corner to there.
Oh, interesting, it's we have a lot of cvs. Sure, as far as I know, does not have a photo counter.
I don't believe so, right, aid might depending on the right aid.
Okay, I've got to look up some of these because I just had some photos developed. But okay, we're going to open this up here.
Opening might want to flip.
That might be a little easier, and I'm going to have to explain, Oh this is.
Oh my god. Okay, So this is like a like a uh, what would you say, a wrapped piece of art?
Sure, yes, stretch I would art.
And I'm so glad that you called it that art. It's stretched canvas one thousand percent. Now I really am a sucker for like Ross. You can get those like signs for homes live Laflow. Oh, of course you know the rules, Grammar's rules for this house.
Maybe one of my own ones for uh some friends who are getting married that said giggle give grow.
Oh I love that. You should say that out loud on a podcast. You should copyright that first.
No, I'm going to wait for all these companies to adopt it. Then I launch in with lawsuit after lawsuits.
This is hard because again you're not seeing that money for years, and you're gonna need that for the lawsuits that are being launched from today.
Yeah, that's true. But when I get that money, I'll use it for the medical bills as you know an aging person. Oh sure, and the health system collapses, you got to figure it out. Social Security has gone that kind of thing. I'm still in these lawsuits.
Right and they're sort of resolving, and so then you're getting that influx.
Of finally checks are poring. Yes, okay, So it's like a wrapped canvas that you've obviously made or had made.
I made it. I got a free trial of a Canvas Pro account.
Wow.
So that's part of the gift. Also, if you want that login info I can reach out. That seems like a podcast sponsor, canvaprow? Yeah, they should be sponsoring something.
What is it? They really should?
We've said their name three times now, Oh my god.
Oh the money, the opportunities for money on this podcast that don't actually pan out yet that's the problem.
Yet?
Thank you yet? Yet? Okay? You had this, you made this, You've designed it. Should I read it or do you want to explain it? Well?
Okay, first, I feel like maybe we need a little bit of explanation. I don't ever come places empty handed. I also don't ever come place as empty headed. I wanted to do my research because you and I are meeting for the first time or so. I really wanted to make sure that I sort of knew who you were as a person before.
I came out of this podcast. And sort of in my research, I.
Found a YouTube channel that had sixty nine followers, and I was sort of looking. I was like, oh, maybe there was some beautiful stales of Mariah Carey music video.
Oh interesting, does that sound familiar?
Yes, linked to your Twitter, So I did assume it was yours.
Such an old memory.
It was sixteen years ago exactly, so sort of I'm like doing some more googling. I'm looking around and obviously you are a very accomplished person. So I'm getting a lot of articles about this podcast and some of your writing and things like that, and I'm like, that's exciting, but that's also things that people know when you remember. And I also think a gift is a memory, right, And so I thought, what better memory than a clip of a podcast you did seven years ago with a man whose name I can't remember right now, where you gave advice to PA is somebody that wants to be a PA?
Just some rules of advice.
People possibly imagine what was said on this podcast.
Well, you don't have to imagine, because it is in the list style on this sort of ship lap?
Is this ship lap? Is that what shiplap is? Pieces of on top of each other?
You're embarrassing secret? Okay, you know I watch a lot of HGTV. I'm very familiar with Chip and Joanne all of this stuff, right, And I've heard the word ship lap a billion times. I always just kind of act like I know what that is. Yeah, I always imagine it's like those white boards wall.
That sounds right, So this is this right sort of like a more rot.
The outside of a haunted house.
That's that was exactly what I typed into Cambaprow.
The texture here is kind of like a cabin in the woods that has been left abandoned, and there's like the ghost of a lumberjacket.
I did see if Walgreen could put this on boards, sort of haunted boards, and they said no, So we did, and I had to go through Walgreens because again, I've got friends over there now and I got to keep them in business.
But it is kind of like or like the uh bark of a cottonwood tree. Yes, that's so.
I so sort of between on the thirty one second mark and the one to eight second mark, you gave a series of rules to this podcast host about somebody that's looking to be a PA. What advice you would give them? Right, And that is these rules here.
Yes, because for a too long of a period of time, I worked as a production assistant on a tea show which became an absolute nightmare.
Yeah.
I can imagine.
Well, because sometimes it's that thing where you're too good at your job and so people don't want to promote you.
Not the case here. Oh I see, I think it was just kind of a it'll never be explained.
Well, at this point in this podcast, this was seven years ago.
Seven years you were already writing at Jimmy Kimmel Live exclamation point because that was your credit as you were credited in the podcast. So you were looking back on this experience this right way. You're not in the middle of it.
Not in the middle of it.
You're giving advice.
I had made it out. Okay, should I read this?
I think it's a great horrifying no, no, no.
No no. This is Bridger Weiniger's advice for PA's Okay. Number one, don't give up. Yeah, and let's be honest, I have to I have to hope within the context of me speaking on the podcast, there was a little bit more than me, just you know. Number one don't.
Say is like so again. This comes with the thirty one second mark of this clip. There's a full podcast outside of it, but it has been clipped for social media, which at seven.
Years ago, I think happened.
At seven years ago is a pretty forward thinking thing to Darry.
I mean, good grief. Okay. Number two, just keep doing everything you can outside of that job to make yourself visible on some level.
I wanted to make sure I was quoting you precisely.
Number three, know that it will not last forever. Yeah. Interesting, that's a nice piece of advice actually, because when I was in it, it was like, well, I guess I'll die doing this.
It seems all consuming it. Well hold that thought because it comes that comes back later.
Okay, number four, at some point this is going to be over with. Okay, number five, you'll either die of interest.
So I did full disclosure going into this next one, just you know, want to make this next point.
Of five B. But because of the MLA format that I guess Canvapro is stuck in, it would not allow me to do that in the same font, and for me, the aesthetic was improved.
Of course, this is a gorgeous piece of art.
Thank you for saying that.
Okay, so number five, you'll either die or number six or find a way out, and both will be a better thing than what you're doing.
Yes, And I was actually hoping for a little bit more explanation on that.
So at the what I'm telling people is dying is better than what you're doing, sure or or finding your way out. Yes, So I guess me and I can kind of support my mental state. At the time, dying did seem like a bet and options at least a freedom. Sure Number seven just let just okay, So this is again verbatim, This is I just again.
I really wanted to make sure I didn't want to deviate at all. I didn't know you.
I didn't know how important it was going to be to captivate to be misquoted. Well, that's what I thought, and so I wanted to make sure people had the full contacts.
This is just like, do the best job you can and be as nice to everyone around you as you can. That's a nice piece of advice.
That is actually of and I don't want to put value judgments on anything.
I read that, and I was like, that is an excellent piece of advice.
That is I think of the of the eight points, the point that I'm going to carry through and I'm going to remember the one.
Piece of advice that I didn't follow. I wasn't doing the best job I could. I was very I mean, three years into this thing, I was like, I can't do this any so.
Can I be honest with you?
I was thinking about changing the font for this so that way I could catch sort of the intonation a little bit. So the rest of this is you can sort of see it as in a beautiful cursive and so that one I was sort of thinking put in maybe an aerial font or something like that to sort of get the tone, which was like, you know, do the best you can, like sort of like do the best you can with what you have was sort of the feeling behind that, with the energy that you had to.
Give what was happening on this podcast. And then number eight hope for the best, Hope for the best. That's kind of just like I don't know what to tell you.
Try you know, hey, it's out of your hands at that point, there's greater powers at play. I think that this was a wonderful list of rules, and coming into it not knowing you, I was like, this is a thing that I feel like I got to know you better through this, and so I wanted to immortalize that way other people could also get to know you better.
Well. This must have been maybe not the first podcast I did. I think the first podcast I ever did was do you need a ride because they need to ride to the airport? Oh?
Fun?
But this must have been an early thing I can't imagine what else was said on that how many years of past seven I do have.
The YouTube link if you want to go back and watch it at this point, so you're more than welcome to you not mortifying, pretty cool and fun.
Actually, do you have any old YouTube clips that you're like, get this off the internet?
Well, I'm sure I do.
I'm positive because I grew up in a time especially where we had the power of YouTube, but also didn't really understand.
The impact, you know what I mean, like early fire.
Yeah, I deactivated my Facebook, so I feel comfortable saying this, but I have a lot of Facebook videos of me doing video responses to things that people posted on my wall, so with me being like hey, but it was also me like doing it for other people, right, so it was like me being like, hey, back up, sorry one second, I like take a second to like answer a text message on my phone and do a very performative like So, yeah, I don't know, Like school was fun. I got soccer practice after this. They're making me play. They're making me play midfielder because I run so well.
So I've got like videos like.
That comment after comment, just.
Truly videos on my MacBook camera that I am posting on people's walls and it is mortifying. But I also did download them just in case, of course, because I think that is the sickness that we all have rights. I was like, I might need this for a show at some point.
Yeah, this is material. Yeah, God to hoard the material is what you're gonna be able to make of it.
But I would say, this is not embarrassing.
This is excellent advice, and I felt so I felt so privileged and happy to have this to know you better as a person.
And it's a slice of life.
Right, That's how we look at it now, because now, how much does it matter having stuff online for future jobs?
It can't unless it's awful, right, terrible? Yeah?
So yeah, yeah, I'm curious about this video job wise, like pa type jobs, did you ever have anything like this?
I didn't, but I did work on a prank show, so talk about things.
So you asked me if I had anything embarrassing online, and I went really far back, but this was.
Not that far back.
What was the prank show?
Okay, I'm fearful because this is on Amazon right now?
Oh it is I think aired in Ukraine only it is. It is celebrities pranking their fans.
It was called it was called You've Been had Celebrity Edition and there's no other addition. It's just no other editions.
And it was like people that were like.
Teens on eighties shows were there, and Gilberto fred was on an episode.
I'm not going to say names.
It's very findable, but I'm scared it was well, I'll say it.
Josie Davis was the one on one that I did. Was on Charles in Charge.
I believe Scott Bail was in charge.
You nailed it then in that case, fantastic. Yes, so yes, Charle's in charge. A lot of the Charles in Charge cast, but yeah, it was then like Gilbert Gofried I was supposed to do with David Orcatte and he didn't show up.
But that was okay. That was sort of the vibe of.
What were the pranks you were doing?
Oh?
Really honestly kind of scary at one point, so because it was so the first one alone behind the curtains.
Again, we're getting sued, We're getting sued all the way.
And this was also I think twenty sixteen, so statute of Limitations.
Yeah, cool, seven years, Yeah.
A seven years.
So this was literally what I was doing at the same time as you were giving pa advice. I could have used the advice. So one of the pranks was and this was when they literally had found fans of this.
Person on the internet.
I won't say who again easily findable, but you don't have to, and it's really.
Not worth that part of it.
They had this person pretend to shoplift and I was like the person in the store working in the store, and it was like the celebrity was trying to get her fan to shoplift with her, and then I'm in the store and then they have fake undercover police officers that come in and are like, we caught you to shoplifting. It was like legitimately, uh scary, and I would say the fans didn't follow a great reaction to it.
Shock right was there like a public breakdown a little bit.
But then the producers was like, can you come back and say I've been had?
And so.
We have an hour long break where this woman has rightfully had a absolute breakdown about potentially being arrested, and then she comes back and is like, well, this was fun. I've been had, Like this is so fun, like and then from there on out, they got they hired people to get prayed, which I think is made us all feel a lot better about the situation.
A little more moral. Yeah, but like every person had to say, I've been had.
Yeah, I had to come back, and I believe this. The phrase was I've been had, I've been had.
It's such an old fashioned thing. Yeah.
And again it went one season and I did think I do think only aired somewhere I think Ukraine, but it was somewhere in eastern Europe and then and then was on Amazon at least for a little bit, and I think, wow, hopefully you can't find it anyway.
What was what was the fake thing that? I mean? What was being shoplifted clothes? I think cloth?
It went for lunch earlier next door.
But again, it's like a tough it's a really tough premise for a show, because it's theoretically fans that are so excited about meeting a celebrity that they're a fan of and then are just like getting punk style pranked in ways that are tough.
I remember arriving on set and then being like, okay, so here's the premise.
And I just remember going we're sure that this is what we want to do with this, and them going yep, it's gonna be very funny and going ohky.
The fan is going to kill the celebrity spouse.
Yeah it's a murder. Yeah, there's a murder.
Wow, that's really interesting. And the shoplifting we can get away from this. But how was the shoplifting done like shoving it in their pants or was it going on celebrity being.
Like, watch I do this all the time. I come here all the time and I do this, and it was like putting stuff in their bag. And it also was a moment too of the fan being like what is going on? Like clearly being like and then them in my ear being.
Like, she's onto us, she's onto us. Say something that a shop work would say, say something that a shop clerk would.
Say, welcome in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was high pressure.
Really so I have never been a PA, but that is the closest thing.
I'm getting yelled at a lot to sort of like say things, how long did you do things? On and off?
I think I got it was like when I had just started at UCB, and it was one of those things where like the casting blasts came in like, oh, you can work on this prank show, and I was like, yeah, work on a prank show. I'd just come down from Canada. I was going to make friends. I was like, this is like a fun opportunity.
I'd love to work.
I mean, what's the advice you would give to someone who's working on a prank show that's going to air?
And a great question.
First one, don't give up to just keep doing everything you can outside of that job to make yourself visible on some level, which I think I really succeeded with in that three. I know that it's not gonna last forever because it's a prank show, and literally, as a prank is done, you can go home. A.
Four.
At some point, this is going to be over and it's going to be done. Five You'll either die five B or you'll find a way out, and both will be better than what you're doing, because honestly I did. I did have a moment after that thing where I was like, this is the meanest thing I've ever seen happen to somebody.
And I thought maybe I am just done, Maybe this is not for me.
Six I said already, So Sevin, just like, do the best job you can and be as nice to everyone around you as you can, which again I think I also need an italics change for that because I didn't want to be there, and I made that pretty known.
I eight hope for the best. It's all you can do at the end of the day.
All makes perfect sense if you're on a Frank show. Yeah, that's really be honest.
I didn't know you, so I was like, is this a good gift? I wanted something personal, and I was like, is this a good gift or was this a gift that was the kind of thing where you're gonna go Vic is an asshole sort of around and about what.
If you start hearing that I've been talking about you.
Honestly, to have a beef with my favorite podcast host would.
Be an honor.
To be hated by someone I respect so much, it might make me feel like I've made it.
This is an excellent gift. Thank you for seeing much quality gift thought was put into it. It's you know, it's a beautiful thing I can display in my home. Sure people will look at it and then I'll be like, oh wow, I can take that into my own life.
Yeah.
Guests at the home of the podcast something.
Where somebody would feel like they knew you better after looking at it, you know, and.
This is a true look into who I am as a verse certain.
A locative time. It's a conversation starter. People would be like, what is this? Why are you displaying this in your bathroom?
Why would you put up your own roles in your This feels very earnest. Yeah, that is going to go in my bathroom. Do you think it's going to go in my office?
Bathroo Dard, don't say that if you don't mean it. It's going to thank you for saying that. I really appreciate it.
Back on the podcast, and beforehand, I'm gonna say, please drink as much as possible before coming here, and then you're gonna have to use the restroom and you'll see it.
I like the well, I'll just say, I don't know if I'm allowed to say.
People behind the current recording outside, and I don't know if this is everybody or we just didn't know each other well enough that you were like, let's do this one outside and then we'll see if we can earn a living room record at some point.
No, they're all outside unless we've had a couple where there was like a jackhammer or bad weather, but it's mostly outside. Yeah, so I.
Mean, listen, it's lovely.
You have the most beautiful yard bush I've ever been to in Los Angeles.
Thank you.
It's true.
People are going to get an idea about this backyard that is going to be deeply disappointing.
Pools in that you have a found him with three little sections in it.
It's fifty acres. There are two different swimming pools. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, and there's just a beautiful exotic wildlife kind of wandering around. Yeah.
Have you ever had a coyote run in through here or anything like that.
We've never had a coyote because their fences all over, but there are certainly raccoons and squirrels that will like knock the plants or the pots over, that will eat things.
We are you married, I have a partner, So I asked that question.
But I did know that because of all the googling that I did, and I needed it to come up in conversation that way.
I just I wasn't like I just knew that information.
Admitted you were searching me and to the point that you found like the oldest possible video clip of fame.
You're making me sound crazy, and I want to make me sound crazy alone.
That's your job. Yes, I do have a partner. Well, i'd call him my boyfriend. You know whatever.
Yeah, I apologize your partner boyfriend boyfriend?
You did just say I you said, you said, actually it's boyfriend, and then I went back and I said partner. I'm really trying to let's get I'm trying to paint on in label and I apologize.
Okay, let's just settle on my wife. Yes, I have a wife. Yes, but wait, why did you bring up if I have a partner or a boyfriend.
I knew this information, but then it felt a crazy thing to just know about you from googling you, and so I was like, I need to have this come up in conversation somehow.
That way if I mention it in casual conversation and stop, just like I didn't say that, how did I know that I live?
That is the world we anytime someone goes on a first state, it's like, well, we already I know literally everything about it, Like there's we just need to admit before meeting someone you're doing the looking Do you.
Prefer having that thing of somebody being like, oh, yeah, I know this from online, like I googled this, Like I know this thing.
I think I would prefer that. Yeah, well you me.
Yeah, Well, I'm like, I'm a very private person online. I would say, like I sort of, I just don't really say anything about my life or anything like that, just because for this sort of reason, I'm like, I like organic conversations, and so I'd rather get to know somebody in real life, which is why I think I've done these gymnastics to manufacture of this moment.
I mean, yeah, I try to keep as quiet as possible about my life online, but once you have a podcast, it's nearly impossible to keep most details under wraps.
Because people sort of poke and prod and ask questions what was your Mormon childhood like exactly?
And then you end up on a podcast talking about your life as a production assistant, and everybody knows. Sure, I'm humiliating.
Do you have people ask you a lot about your gift giving style? I bet you do.
Yes.
Yeah, Okay, so I'm not going to and I never would.
The one word is bad. No, I'm a bad gift giver.
Can't be true?
Oh, I mean fil it's certainly true.
Can't be true.
Listen, you're your demeanor and everything about you. This is such a present already your presidence. The president is of theme song says, how do you know that? Because I've listened to someone's done some research.
You pervert.
Sorry, That's what I want seven years from now. I want a wall hanging with me that says Vic Michaelis's descriptor as by Bridger, And it's gonna say pervert, honest, And that's gonna be gonna be office bathroomcause I'm gona an office at that point.
I'm putting that out into the universe.
It's just gonna say you're a perf.
Yeah, cursive though. It's gonna be pretty.
Yeah, it's gonna beautiful. That could be something that they sell at home goods, I think so just you know sign that just says pervert and a beautiful font and pleasant beige and brown. I can see that.
Can I tell you my deepest secret because you told me a secret earlier?
Please?
I want a picture or a piece of art good enough that sometimes Walgreens does the displays of like you know, like oh this one was cool, and then they'll like leave it on display in the Walgreens.
Wait, like photo photos or things like that. Of course, you imagine.
I would love to create something interesting and beautiful and sterile enough that they have decided to put it up in the Walgreens as an example of the.
Work that I think so absolute, at least of my local Walgreens.
Well, keep trying. I don't know what that'll take. You just have to kind of think of like a stock photographer. Oh sure, keep that in mind, and eventually they're gonna I wonder if they have to ask for permission.
Stock photography.
To do that.
I mean probably, I'm sure that they're all stock photos.
I'll do it.
I'll do stock photography. I did do stock.
Photography as a model, or photography.
As a stock model.
They pay you three hundred dollars and then can use your image forever.
Hm.
So I'll deal with the Devil's situation.
I've never seen it again, though it was all in where it was like knock on wood. I almost it does look so photo real that I did almost knock on your beautiful piece of art.
How about so you only did stock photography once once? What were you doing in the image?
We were in a boardroom.
Oh, Okay, it was like but it was crazy because I would have been in my early twenties and they it also would have been a group of people in the early twenties. But they wanted to show off the space of this like office that they were using. They were like, oh, so it's like big office with boardroom people. But they had us dressing like we were like in a meeting with the CEO. But everybody would have been nineteen to twenty one tops.
Some twenty something's hanging out at the boardroom.
Yeah, to be like what are we doing? Like, what is the in what context?
What job? Startup? Maybe startup now that I'm thinking of MLML.
Yeah, more, probably more MLM. I feel like startup. They want a ping pong table in the background or something like that.
Sure, less bicycles we're biking from to keep call, right.
I wonder if they still do that up in the Bay Area. I feel like clamping down on the.
Fun clamping down on the funnels.
Yeah, I think it's time to play a game.
Oh I would love that.
Okay, we're gonna play a game called Gift or a Curse. I need a number between one and ten from you.
Oh great, I am going to go with four.
Okay, I have to do some like calculating to get our game pieces. Okay, so right now you have the microphone, do whatever you want, promote, recommend whatever you want to.
Oh amazing, here is what I would like to promote.
There's a lot of terrible, horrible, mogan, very bad anti trans bills that are popping up all around the country and the you know.
I'd say gift or a curse, but truly just a curse.
Is well, this is sort of a gift that there are a bunch of organizations and likely one in your area that could use your promo or your money if you've got any extra cash to donate or yeah, follow them on social media, boost them up and yeah, yeah see what their ass are. Oh, speaking of Utah, they passed a really awful bill right now. But there's a couple in Utah. It's called Equity Utah is one. There's a couple of different housing organizations there. But yeah, definitely give those a look, give those a follow.
Utah, Utah, I mean everywhere.
It's like, it really is everywhere, and it is that thing of like, you know, I am so grateful. I know a lot of people in Utah right now in Salt Lake area, and you know, like if they leave, then like what hope do the people that can't leave have, you know, and the kids coming up?
Yeah, I mean I had that feeling as a young, secret gay person. It was just like, oh, this is a weird place to be, but it can be a better place. Totally should be a better place.
I went to Salt Lake and we got out of an uber in the middle of the night and somebody said, be careful, this is a bad area. And then in the morning we realized it was the gay part of town. And there was a coffee shop was what he was referring to.
There was there was a block of coffee shops.
I so that was, oh the shame the come on together.
So wonderful and not like we just sort of went to salt like on a women. It was like pretty like there was like some really great parts of town.
It's a wonderful city. I mean, great people. I love the delicious Oh what did you order?
We just said whatever is like the thing that people get here and send it up with like a couple of random things.
Something with molay that was delicious.
A lot of good molay. Yeah, I'm going there this weekend, probably specific going to Utah on Saturday. Oh congratulations, I always have to go to red Iguana.
Yeah.
Yeah, So like wonderful place just needs, Utah just needs it's one step forward to like a billion steps backwards there.
So like anything good people doing good work there about and it's you know, yeah, God.
Bless them, God bless us everyone. This is how this is how we play gift or a curse. I'm going to name three things. You're going to tell me if there are a gift or a curse and why oh great, And then I'll tell you if you're right or wrong, because there are correct answers. You can lose, you can win.
Bridger do it? I this.
I hate this wishy washy like, oh, it's up to you choose your own adventure. No, I want exact answers. I want there to be a metric of how I can win or how I.
Can best rules. Yes, that's how people learn. Yes, okay. Number one This is from a listener named Danielle. Gift or a curse, crying in public.
Trick question gift if you're the one watching curse, if you're the one doing.
Okay, well, you have to, you have to name one or the other.
Well, so then can I ask for clarification? Am I watching somebody crying in public? Or am I the one crying? Now again, I can't give you any more information, Elise. Okay, okay, here's what I'm taking this. So I recognize that I'm taking a gamble here. I am taking this as a people crying in public okay, not me included, mm hmm. And I am going to say a gift because again it's like a for two reasons. One, it's drama. We love, we like to make life interesting. It's so much of phone phone fun watching a production in public?
What a gift?
And then I will also say for you like and then it's also sort of like a two of love and to never have loved it all type situation, like to be that connected to your emotions that it's overwhelming in a place of such public you can't even hold it in anymore.
Like, I what a gift to be alive?
I mean, you just took the words right out of my mouth.
It's a here we go, look at us?
Yeah, I mean we are so in sync on this one. I can't even like there's nothing else I can even say so I love to watch it unfold.
Yeah.
It also provides a hero moment. Maybe maybe you can dip in and say what can I help you with? Yeah, and then come as.
Part of a person's tapestry. They remember that for ever, right.
And also maybe a memorable thing is like they say I need this and you say, oh, I can't help you with that, and then you get to walk away. That's also a fun feeling, sure, denying help. Yeah, and unleashing yourself in public and making yourself everyone else's problem a dream?
Yeah? Is there anything better than that?
Not?
Really? Why did we get into this business in the first place?
Yes, it's your little show. Yes, it's your little show. Beautifully played on that one. Number two. This is from a listener named Lance. Okay, gift a curse more to Deella, Oh what are you familiar with? More to Deella?
May ask for a definition.
It's like the it's like balogney or salami, or it's like a a meat, kind of a soft deli meat that's kind of served in slices. Okay, it's kind of it. I've been saying the last few years has kind of had its moment.
Okay, So here's the thing. I tricked you into giving me more information.
Right, Wow, interesting, I really gave it.
The last few years has had a moment. I am going to say, okay, stay with me.
A gift. I'm seeing a.
Cross and an uncross and I'm not loving that, so I'm changing my answer to curse. I see it as it's a gift. I had a gift right now of being able to change my mind to a curse. And now we're pursing our lips.
What is going on? I'm freaking out. I'm having a meltdown.
You're gonna be crying in public very soon.
Okay, here's no here's what I want to do. I'm saying a curse because I didn't understand what it is. It's making me seem stupid on a podcast. It's making me look like an indecisive idiot. So it doesn't matter what the answer is because it is my personal curse.
You're correct, Oh, thank god.
I don't know what. I don't know why. It's having a moment. I think it's gross, Yes, disgusting.
I didn't say that, and it did.
I'll say the texture is fluffy?
How is that possible? Like syrophog yeah, I guess that's true.
It's a It's just it's this thing that's uh, whenever I'm served mortadella, I'm like, I don't think so fancy. It is fancy, I think, but it's not and it's gross and it looks gross. There's nothing I'm.
No, no, no, you're basing.
You're building its case to be a curse, because then it's something that's one of my least favorite things on the planet, which is it's disgusting, but you have to pretend like it's nice or interesting just because it's expensive and you are having the opportunity to try it, you.
Know, I mean, well, but the thing is is it's also often like in an Italian deli sandwich, but it's not flavorful enough to be there. I vote a salami or a pepperoni.
Know exactly what this is, now, oh you do, now that you have said this, I know exactly what it is because there's an eighteen dollars sandwich that they sell at a coffee shop around the corner for me, and it absolutely has this in it. Because I looked at that sandwich, I didn't realize it was eighteen dollars. I taped my card walked home and I said, I can't believe I spent eighteen dollars on the sandwich. The focacca incredible, the walsamic vinegar life changing. And then you get to this disgusting meat. I'm a vegetarian and you bite into it and it just is like, I know what you mean, it's like revolting.
Yes, yeah, I don't. Yeah. I feel like it's kind of a king's what's the uh, the Emperor's new clothes type situation.
Sure, I thought you're gonna say the Emperor's new groove.
Ooh, I'm just realizing that's what that's based on. Is it must be gott to be interesting?
Lama is the no clothes?
Yeah? Okay, very interesting? Okay, excellently played. We hate mortadella. Yeah, number three, You've gotten two rights so far.
I'm feeling great about this.
This is from a listener named Molina. Gift or a curse your therapist sending you reference materials between sessions.
Gift therapists can'ts not thinking about you. You're on their mind, favorite client? What are you doing? You have their clients, you're busy. Why are you thinking about me? Are you talking about me?
Who?
Are you talking about me too, Gift?
Oh Vic.
Wrong, No, I'm right on that one, and I feel good about it.
Obsessed with me, get me off of your minds.
So this is it, same reasoning, different take on it. I gotta get half a point for having the same reason.
No half points here. The therapist is no. Now I'm thinking about the therapists and we're in the sessions together thinking are they thinking about me even more? Now? The romance is there, the spark, the tension. It's a nightmare.
I spent my first two years in therapy trying to be my therapist's favorite. I would say that was really important to me about the therapy.
It's a a good goal for therapy.
I genuinely think, yeah, I think it is the kind of thing of like if you need that to get into therapy, if you need a gold star in a point system to sort of like get you past the.
Hump of being like oh no, now, I'm like understanding. I'm seeing a frown form Maneles, and it's pretty cool. I'm pretty good. Actually, I'm I'm agreeing.
You go in there and just present whatever self the therapist needs, yes to like you.
Yeah, yeah, I'm like you seem like you need a sad patient today. You seem like you need to feel better about the job that you're doing. You seem like you need a big hero's arc for yourself. And I am prepared to give that to you myself, and like, you know, my dad and stuff like that, and I feel like.
You know, we we got to it. We get to it. I'm not a better person for it, but I.
Needed that roll around to it eventually. Yeah, and then you have something else to.
Talk about, you said earlier, a sexual tension of spark.
Oh yeah, the seduction, the temptation to seduce. And then you know, you're getting these materials in the middle of the night and you're thinking about whatever their therapist's name is, and you get a text from them. Your partner's starting to wonder.
Who are telling what's going on?
You know, it's all fun, It's all so much fun, but it's too much.
Yeah, I also exclusively love my therapist to be like my my first therapist. I don't think this is doxing anybody. I'm gonna put that out there. I don't think this is doxing anybody, like really like Emma Thompson vibes in a way that just was a little too.
Much for me.
Oh interesting, immediate, like my exact type winning approval, just like a little bit of an older woman who had a lot of thoughts about what I was doing, you.
Know what I mean?
And wait, you're still seeing this therapist or not? No, no, no, no, no no.
We had to part ways yep, right because it got to the point where I was like, oh, I do I do think I need this and I want this in a way that is, but now we've created a rapport of like me sort of giving this person what they want and like feeling superior, and it just was like a thing of like there was it was hard to I needed a fresh start. I needed The therapist was going on, yeah.
Well you've got two out of three.
I feel good about that.
That's not about well, it's tough than when you look at that.
That's a seventy five.
Percent to sixty six. That's sixty which is you know you can either fail get a sixty six, or is the will that be a fail? Thirty three is a fail not passing.
How many people are getting one out of how many people are getting three out of three?
Very few of the list is extremely short.
Damn that could have been made.
Yeah, I mean you're gonna have to practice. Yeah, when you're ready to come back, you'll be able to use the bathroom for win. I love them promising you those two things. Okay, if you try hard enough.
I'm just saying there are still fewer people who've lost it completely. Wow. Really yeah, Like there's twelve people who've won it, and there's only five who've lost.
Who lost the name is loss, do it? Carl Tart, Carl Tart, you loser, Jesse Tyler, Ferguson, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, los Irene too Irene loser, loser.
I don't know that.
Billian Jacobs, Gillian j you loser.
And Patrick McDonald Patrick.
McDonald, you loser.
We want more losers though, Yeah, it's yeah, because twelve for a win.
When you said like a small, small group, I really but I mean over the course of two hundred episodes, short small percentage. But I really was thinking like like three.
People, three people, but yeah, twelve people. Know you want to be in that five.
Person club real bombing it out? Yeah, well, I mean, come back prepared to lose if you want.
I honestly maybe because I feel like, here's the thing. I feel like I get you. I feel like I understand you as a person.
Well, you did a lot of research.
I sort of have seen where you were and i've and I met your energy here again, like that was the big missing piece for me, was like what was the vibe and the energy in the room. And I feel like, again, I've done copious amounts of research to get to here and in this seat right now. So I feel like I get it and so like, And I think was proven by the one question of yours I got correct and the one listener question that.
I got correct. Yes, yes.
Did the listener decide how they felt about it or were you The listener does not.
Say, they just present, I think, then allow the podcast to reveal the true answer. Yeah.
Yeah, But I feel like I see I see pieces of myself and you also, you know what I mean.
Like it's I feel like I am. It's a it's a mayror, maybe a foggy mare.
Somebody's in the way because they've taken a photo and they've also appeared in the mirror right right.
It's a it's a brother, sister, you know, cousin, yes, close, co worker, yes, these are the relationships.
Yeah, but then there's still something where it's like, oh, I knew that, but it wasn't quite.
Right exactly, you know what I mean, There wasn't there was something not quite right.
Not quite right. I'd been had off putting, I've been had.
Okay, this is the final segment of the podcast. It's called I said no emails people write into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. Great, desperate for answers? Yeah, will you help me answer a question?
Oh?
I would really love to.
Okay, let's get in here. Okay, this is this feels like kind of a leftover from the holidays, but who cares. Holidays are always right around the corner. Absolutely, this is Hello Bridger and angelic guest.
That's really kind and I feel inaccurate.
I mean, I agree. How do I ask my fairly large family to transition to a secret sand to type gift exchange instead of each person getting every single person a fifty dollars gift barrier? Passive aggression and judgment are their preferred ways of communication. Ps. I wanted to let you know that you have genuinely saved me from myself many times over with your podcast. Please never sup. Well that's a nice.
That's very nice. And now I feel like we need to give good advice.
I know this says I love you too. Meg. Well we'll see what sort of advice Meg gets.
Do you have anything to say to Meg back about that or just that it was nice?
Well, I will get into what I have to say to Meg as we discuss this little piece of advice they need.
I love that.
Okay, So Meg has hundreds of family members, Yeah, an army.
Do you the big family?
Yeah? Do you?
Yeah? You have two siblings.
I have three.
You have three siblings. That is what I said.
But you can assume with a Mormon the family will be at least compared to the average larger than.
So the photo that I saw was the one where your mom you pushed it on Twitter. Your mom was covering her face, sent you a family photo, and there were only three of three kids in that photo.
There are four kids in that photo.
There's four kids in that photo.
You got one of my siblings.
So here's what I'll say.
Much like how I look at words and I see what I want to see, I look at photos and I see what I want to see. I said, this is a three sibling family, and I saw three kids in that photos.
This is where you were revealed that you have not been able to see me this entire time.
You look exactly like me, long brown hair, and by long I mean sort of a mid length brown hair, blue sweater.
Yeah, large family, you have a large family. Yeah, got a large family.
Do you really know you're not Meg?
What am I saying on Alice? You don't have a large fan, Alice, We've been talking this entire time. I've been forcing you to get on Mike to answer questions.
You know what, I feel way too perceived today and I'm really sorry, really uncomfortable, and I might need to leave.
This was the straw.
I'm so sorry.
Large families, secret Santas.
I think this was your fault. I'm so sorry to say. You looked right in on Elise's eyes and said Meg said this.
I gestured to the world and.
Here was me trying and what you were saying. And so I also made eye contact with Onalise.
And now a neighbor's dog is joining the conversation. Things have gotten out of control, and Meg is sitting there just on the edge of their seat.
How do I fix this? How do I Fiel this, do you do a Secret Sanda or anything like that? Do you have any advice on how to fix this?
You know, this is ah. I had a workplace where we had a Secret Santa, but uh, they called it that, But then everyone also had to get everyone a gift and it was the most maddening thing in the world. For me. It was like, well, let's just call it nothing because now I'm like, I still have to spend all of this money on everyone when the idea of Secret Santa is to kind of narrow it down. And I never made a fuss. I'd just let it kind of ruin me financially. Sure, So this sort of thing, I think what Meg needs to do. Meg's got to make it look like their life is hanging by a thread. Oh well, they can't handle getting this money gifts anymore. Kind of but through ways where the family notices and Meg doesn't say outright, you know, you go out to dinner with a dummy credit card offer to pay for everyone. The card gets declined in front of the whole family. Now they're thinking, what's happening with Meg? Maybe this is like right around Thanksgiving time, so now they're really.
Camping it see I'm thinking this is happening the year before. You still got to suffer through on Christmas. But maybe like you get the same gift twice for two people, like you give somebody two. Tis a sort of a thing of like I don't know where this came from, like a real like have you seen the nineteen forty eight gas light?
Like the original one?
I've never seen it.
So it's like she.
Is both ingrid Bergman who is being gas lit, but also doing the gas lighting, you know what I mean. It's sort of like a reverse I doesn't know that a dirty rotten scoundrels meets spoiler alert.
Meets gaslight.
Okay, right, right, So a similar gift to two.
People that or two gifts for one person.
Maybe forget one person and you give one person two gifts and you're just like, I don't know.
What happened.
Here?
Is very good? I mean, and you have to do that two years in a row, I think just one year.
So, like you said, you start this off Thanksgiving, let's say twenty twenty four, lay the groundwork. We're then falling apart by Christmas. We can then sort of maybe foreclose on our apartment the year after that.
It's a slow, long game, but eventually the family will have finally settled on we can't keep doing this to each other, truly, may Yes, and we can't let what happened to Meg happen to us. Yes, because they are passive aggressive, Yeah, and they're judgy.
Yeah. So my family does do a secret Sannah. And are you the oldest? I knew that third it's.
I am, so I am the oldest, and so you have sort of a gift in that power position. But I think really any sibling could do it. It just takes emailing and going hey, guys, so I've decided we're doing a secret Sanna this year. It is maybe a little direct, but also you could just sort of be like you guys do whatever you want for each other. But like I'm doing secret Sannah. I'm setting it up if you want to partake, right, But like I'm getting one gift for one person, and so then if they don't want to participate, then one person is just getting sort of, as mentioned earlier, an extra.
Gift, right.
I think so this is sort of my patented aggressive aggressive, which I think maybe is something that Meg can look to transitioning into.
And it like kind of casts a light on the rest of the family if they don't participate as kill joyce, they don't want to be part of the game. Yes, it's not really a game, it's a solution, but you kind of say it's a game.
Yeah, Well, it's sort of like you mentioned earlier and sort of as we were talking about an ability to win and what Secret Sanda does is it really does every year march up on like who went over the limit even though we said we weren't going to go over the limit, who gave the most thoughtful gift of the year, And then you can just sort of stew on it and really think about it. So we do our Secret Sandah draw in now.
July because we need all the pressure.
Time to think about it. My brothers lose every single year. That's fine, it's not for them. We're not playing for them. So it's kind of a shame whoever they get, and it's sort of a shame the year that sounds terrible, one of us end up getting one of my brothers because they'll just you send them an Amazon.
Link and they will order that off of Amazon.
Maybe maybe Usually it's a picture of whatever they're planning on getting you that will arrive sometime around the draw in July.
Wow. Wow, that's a mess. That's it. I think you should stop playing that. Do you think I don't like? I mean that just makes me tinse. Well, it's the.
Game that keeps on giving because I do win every year.
Yeah. Yeah, support you, fully, support you. Meg. What do you think of all of this advice? How are we doing? I think we gave Meg some advice that should save Christmas.
Do you think Yeah? I think so too.
You said something in there that feels like Meg is gonna like either the exchange will happen or the family will be torn apart. Either way, it's a solution.
It's a solution.
Yeah, And then you know where you stand, which is all you can ask at the end of the day.
It is that idea that sort of going back.
To scary movies, when you name the demon, the demon doesn't have any powering exactly.
You know what I mean.
Meg's family is demons. Meg's family is demon family of demons.
I mean, you can finally admit that to yourself. It's then finally your freed from it.
Beautiful Meg, you have your advice. Get to work, Get to work on destroying your family. I love that, Vic. I've had such a wonderful time with you, Richard.
This has been a dream and now I have this.
Beautiful piece of art to inspire and to you know, make people wonder.
I was so worried coming into this that this was going to be too much, and boy, if it as you didn't make me feel like that, and I appreciate it.
Can you imagine this was it was either this or a roll of duct tape.
Or yeah, well several roles of duct tape times. So you know, if I do come back, maybe just forget.
To have duct tape. You're gonna have duct tape. A ventures have plenty of duct tape. Well, thank you for being here, Thank.
You for having me Bridger. What a what a truly a gift and a blessing.
Bless us everyone. Listener. Podcast is over. Oh there's a chill in the air. I've got to put on another layer. Put on as many layers as you want. Listener, stop listening to the podcast. I need you to stop listening. I love you, goodbye, I said no Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced by our dear friend Analise Nelson and It's beautifully mixed by Ben Holliday and we couldn't do it without our guest booker, Patrick Kottner. The theme song, of course, could only come from miracle worker Amy Man. You must follow the show on Instagram. At I said, no gifts. I don't want to hear any excuses. That's where you get to see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see pictures of the gifts?
And I invited you hear I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests, you're our presences. Presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to survey me
