I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger WinegarBridger narrowly avoids a major conflict when Tom Scharpling (The Best Show) rudely shovels a gift on him. The two discuss mafia activity, suggestive advertising, and artificial grape flavoring.
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Hello, I invited you. Hear Gonta made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guest, your presence is presence enough.
And I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me?
Hello, it's Bridger. I don't feel comfortable letting you listen to the rest of the episode yet, I know you just listened to the theme song. I don't care. I have a big announcement. I've got big news. The podcast is now on Patreon Patreon dot com slash I said, no gifts. What does this mean? Well, it means that the show here as you're listening, will continue as usual weekly, but if you subscribe on Patreon, you'll be getting two bonus extra exclusive episodes a month full length Delicious, a nice way to supplement your listening diet, and as well as you know, other little perks. I can't stand the word perks. I don't use it lightly, but that's essentially what you'll be getting along with these exclusive episodes, little things and fun you know, extras. You'll have to go to Patreon to actually see what those are. I'm not going to describe them here, but they are terrific, and there'll probably be other things. You really never know what I'm going to cook up next. There's really no telling what I'll do. This is a great way to support the podcast. I know you're haunted by this. Every night. You go to bed thinking how do I support the podcast? You wake up thinking how do I support the podcast? You zone out during meetings at work thinking how do I support the podcast? At dinner you're barely present, You're thinking how do I support the podcast? This is the way to do it. Well, this is one of the ways to do it, and it's a very good way to do it. So go to patreon dot com slash. I said no gifts as soon as possible, at your convenience whenever you want, subscribe and enjoy that little journey and the new episodes that are just going to be terrific. Okay, now I'll let you listen to the rest of the show.
Here we go.
Welcome to I said no gifts. I'm Bridger winegar Age fourteen. I'm looking right down the barrel of the camera. This is the second time we're starting the podcast. We've had some things, so I now I'm just repeating things that were repeated pre recording, and that's nobody's fault but my own. On a. Lisa's demanding I look right into the camera for YouTube for the videos, So that's what I'm doing. And if you're just listening to this, it doesn't affect you in any way. I've had my baby belled cheese from the office fridge. Nothing could possibly go wrong. Is there anything else? My horoscope reminded me that other people have their own problems. That does not sound right to me, So let's just move on to the podcast. I really adore today's guest. It's Tom Sharpling. Tom, Hi, welcome to I said no.
Gifts, thanks for having me. Of course, sighting.
Of course, it's a little rainy outside, it's a little damp. How was your drive over?
Oh it's fine. A lot of classic LA drivers where the fast lane is kind of a suggestion that you can be like either somebody's going one hundred and ten miles an hours if it's fast and the furious, or somebody is driving forty five miles an hour in the fast Yeah.
I feel like the fast lane within the Los Angeles County, no one understands that that's what it's for. Yes, even my boyfriend, who's actually kind of an aggressive driver. But then we'll just in the fast lane the whole time, and we're just going seventy five, and I ask him over and over, please move, You're supposed to pass in this thing?
Is this worth it? We go now. It's really bizarre how uniquely awful the driving is out here. And sometimes it's just like everybody's like, oh, the traffic. It's like, no, it's not the traffic, it's the humans making awful decisions.
I imagine somebody has made this observation before. But do you feel like that is because there are so many transplants here and everyone's constantly lost.
I could see that. It is like a It is a place where not a lot of people are from here. Who are here like they'll be like, I'm from Los Angeles, I've been here for three years now, being from New Jersey. The fast lane is like the fast lane. It's like the Autobahn where people are just like like, if you're not going eighty, you might as well be going ten miles an hour right the turnpike.
And I imagine there's amount of road rage.
Oh yeah, no, it's it's on the license plate. It says home of road rage.
Have you ever gone a speeding ticket?
Oh yeah, I've got plenty of speeding tickets, so not in a long time, knock on wood, but yeah, I've gotten speeding tickets.
What's the fastest you were going when getting a.
Like seventy eight, seventy eight? Fifty five? Yeah? Not okay? Two?
That's ridiculous. Yeah, I feel like fifty five is no longer a real speed limit on a freeway.
No, that's a that's that's a bizarre. It's like an antiquated thing. It's like when you hear that, Like, like I was thinking, like on Saturday Night Live, where we write all Tuesday night into the morning, It's like, why, because that's how we always did it here. It's like, are we sure we don't want to question that at any point and be like, well, maybe we could work normal office hours and not be sleep deprived when we come in to do a table read.
Right, a strange badge of honor or whatever for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
Sticking to these old norms is kind of kind of ridiculous.
Yeah, I think that one ten is still a fifty five.
Speed one ten is pretty awesome because it has I didn't know you could have a ninety degree angle turn off of a highway where you go from going fifty five to five into a residence. Like within thirty feet you're in a residential area.
You're going through someone.
Yeah, it's just like you're going so fast and then suddenly it's actual houses and you are still going fast.
Yeah, just breezing past an elementary schools. I've recently like, I feel like the one ten does. And this is this is a topic for four people, but I feel like that particular freeway, that stretch of it, it's very old, gets a very bad rap, but I've kind of fallen in love with it recently.
I like it. It's very weird and it feels like it feels like nobody caught that this still exists yet and they haven't changed it like they've been meaning like it's like, oh wait, we didn't, we didn't alter that yet. How'd that get away from us?
It's very charming. It has a lot of curves which you don't usually see on a freeway. You actually have to pay attention.
Oh yeah, no, you've got to be on guard, right.
I mean the biggest problem, obviously, is going from a stop sign to freeway speeds that like on the entrances.
There's always that moment where you're trying to get on the one ten. There's a stop sign and cars are going so fast and you're trying to just find your your entry point. It's so sack you have to go from you have to be going so fast so quickly. Yeah, I'm amazed that there's not a thousand accidents on the one ten every day.
I know, it's really shocking. I I should be responsible for at least five hundred of those accidents the way I'm pulling onto that thing, But and I have no real sense of space or time, So when I pull out onto it, it's like I'm putting everybody's life in danger. And of course, like that would be a you would get hit by a cargoing seventy yeah, oh.
Yeah, no, is that like that would look like you would be dead? Oh yeah, you would be dead. You wouldn't know what it looked like.
But while driving down it, you do feel almost like a It's like a detective freeway in the forties or fifties. I feel like you're on the case or something.
Yes, yeah, the one ten. It feels like you'd see Philip Marlow driving on the one ten is Stewda Baker.
He just had a steak and coffee and.
He's exactly for thirty cents he has had. Yeah, I like when you've seen those movies and it's like coffee five cents, Like, how did this go? Fifty thousand percent of price increase on this five cents was for coffee.
Why wouldn't you hand someone to nickel for anything?
It's just like movies ten cents. It's like, this is like wartime inflation. We've we actually live in.
And the amount of change that people were carrying around just jailing.
And then now we're just like coins, what are these coins? Why do we have coins?
Do you know what I did recently though, is I got a roll of quarters and put it in my car middle whatever that little treasure chest is. Yeah, yeah, and it's changed everything as far as parking meters goes.
I have in my glove compartment. I shouldn't say this because now my car is gonna be a targe. You're listening breaking into my car. I have in my glove compartment like a little zippy bag that shaped like a piece of cake. And I have coins in it that I use for meters and it's always a life changer.
Yeah, I credit card in a parking meter. I'm so frustrating for me.
Yeah. And do you know this might be getting very specific. Nothing is more infuriating than the parking lot in past Fields next to Fred sixty two. Oh, there's that one part. And it never the machine never works.
It's horrible and you.
Can't even scratched, so like people have scratched the things that you can't even read whether you paid for it or not. And there's always just like a line of six people. And finally she was like, it's not working today. Let's just hope you don't get tickets.
I mean, if the city wants you to pay, they should be on top of those things making sure they work at all times.
Oh. Absolutely no, it should be a h They should.
Care, They should care on someone they don't care. I feel like if the machine isn't working, I should also have like post it notes in my car that I can write it's not working your this is now your problem.
Absolutely. I always thought the greatest thing ever would be to have in your trunk like a fake fire hydrant you could put in front of when you want to park somewhere, and you put it there when you know you're gonna have to be there, and then you just go and then you put the fire hydrant back in your trunk when you get there, and then when you Yeah, I just I don't have the courage to do that though, to actually be like, set, did you just pick your the fire hydrant up and put it in your trunk? Yeah, I'm up to something.
I wonder what the consequences would be if you were caught doing that.
Is there like impersonating a fire hydrant?
There's no law you'd fire hydrant salesman.
I think you're Oh. The other one you could do is I always though it would be to put like win this car. You could just like park on the sidewalk and just have a sign it says win this car, with like a website, and then people like, well, there's clearly some sponsored arrangements here. There's a car, win it, and then it's just then you just put your win this car signed back in the.
Trunk like a ninety eight cord or something.
I'm giving you exactly why who wants to win this dirty Kia.
I've never No, I've gotten one parking ticket and never gotten a speeding ticket. Really, well, I'm in moder gratulations an A plus driver.
That's what everybody says. No, you're you're the mister safety on the road.
I'm actually an atrocious driver. Really, the fact that I wrote drove on the freeway today in the rain is crazy.
Well, I would hear people get so weirdly bad at driving in the rain. There' just like I remember arguing one to when I was I lived in New Jersey for most of my life and came out here probably five years ago, and people would I would be out here and it would rain. People would be drawing like twenty miles an hour and be like, why do you guys go so slow? And I'm like, it's the the oils come out of the road when it rains, Like what the oils the asphalt has been holding oils that the water lifts from them and everybody's skidding around. It's like, no, you guys are just not great drying. Yeah, that's fine.
I mean, speaking of New Jersey, I feel like the last time I saw you, we may have even talked about this, but I've it's just been dominating my thoughts since the last time I was in Jersey over the holidays and I saw it for the first time, that giant mall. Have you been to that thing?
No, that thing was it was not done xanadu is. I think what they were calling is that. I think I think it was it's way up north. They were building the world like this giant shopping center that had literally like a ski yes, ski slope in it, and they ran out of money and it was just this incomplete, just albatross. I would pass for years and then they finally got it on track. When I was leaving. I never got to see the ski slope, right, go to the mall with your skis?
People take that or do you just borrow them from them all you might?
Is it like a roller rink where we would just get some schemes you're spraying them with lysol?
Yeah, yeah that. I drove past it and it is an atrocious looking building, like.
Oh, it's hard, it's like a checkered it does it looks like the Partridge family bus with all the patterns on it. And you're like, this is clear now I know why this thing was not finished because just the color scheme is bad enough. It's like clear that if that's a reflection on who's trying to get this thing off the ground, It's like, yeah, of course this is a disaster.
There must have been a lot of dirty money there.
That's New Jersey.
It's a place where what are you talking about?
Go to a diner and then you I would eat it this diner and Hoboken and then one day in the paper it's like, oh, this is the diner where the where they were like making deals for like selling organs illegally, the walk in fridge. I don't know how they were doing. And it was like there were like rabbis involved in it or not. Maybe it was like it was it was the messiest thing I've ever heard about, And it was like that diner is where it happened. And then I learned about that. I'm still eating there, and then one night I'm eating Artie Lang comes in like a disaster at probably one thirty in the morning, I hear he orders two roast beef sandwiches to go. It's like, first of all, who gets a roast beef sandwich at a dianer? Lit two of them? Like, well, look the two that's your call. But it'd be like the people get like they go to the they get like, oh I got the uh, like the stir fry at the diner. It's like, this is this is not what they do.
Make one of those five years, I think mistake.
Yeah, I think we can make that. They get the cookbook out for that one.
What's the uh? And this just feels like we're really leaning into a stereotype with New Jersey. But did you ever come close to knowing anyone that was even remotely connected to the mafia?
You could, I mean in terms of knowing, not knowing, knowing, But I would meet people and you're just like, it's like it is really like the cliche where somebody would be just like, yeah, I work in.
Like waste waste.
Management, their construction and I mean that stuff didn't come from nowhere. It's not it's not fiction. But and you can always feel because there would also be people who would act like they were connected and you know they're talking about yes, yes, it's the people who were like quiet and you're just like, like, guy scary, And then you kind of realize put two and two together on those guys.
What a shame for the people in New Jersey who are actually in construction and waste management.
Yeah, just making an honest living. I mean New Jersey literally has the docks, and like Elizabeth, New Jersey, it's like a it's like a put on. It's like the docks. It's just where it would be. The cranes are lifting those giant those giant things off and they're filled with stuff and it's it's just so you can tell how crooked certain spots are.
How powerful do we think the mafia is at this point?
That's a good question. I think they would be a real headache if you had like a store and they'd be just like guy, come to hey, be shamed something happened in this place. Like it would be kind of exciting though, if somebody came into my store and was just kind of like nice place you got here, knock something over it shatters, Yeah, we might have to look after it for you. Like I'm running a baseball card shop. I don't make much money. Please, It's like like it's a karate studio. We have some mats is all we have here? Are you gonna take my mass away from me?
Just feels like co managing the store you're just stepping into help.
Yeah you want to help, I'll hire you. You work here now, now you're the mob guys like booking classes for fifteen year olds doing karate.
I like the Mafia being reduced to a pain in the neck at this point. Yeah, yeah, I wonder who, like the number one guy is. It's uh, who was the like the last big mafia guy who got caught him?
Well, John Gotti that's like the biggest one, right, But there were always these guys. There was one guy who pretended to be like insane and would walk around the village in a bathrobe and but was actually still kind of like mobbed up, but he was pretending to be just like, oh he lost his mind, and then they caught him at some point. Its like, no, he didn't lose his mind. He's just doing the long game here. But just the idea that the commitment I'm gonna be nuts, Like he tells everybody, I'm gonna walk around the village in a bathrobe, keep the Feds off my back because I'm crazy.
Wearing a bathrobe in public really is like the last resort to keep people away from you.
Yeah, now that is a real commitment and He's like, you, that'd be the kind of thing when you're gonna like take a fashion risk and then you're just like scared and you're just like so self conscious with it, like and then just like I couldn't pull that off. I'm not wearing the robe anymore.
You're kind of just like trying to carefully take it off without people noticing.
Yeah. Oh, he went back to not wearing a robe again.
Do you have a bathrobe? Do you walk around the house in a robe?
I'm not a huge on bathrobes for whatever reason. I don't know. There's just too much work, kind of like because it's too it's I either get too like suddenly I'll go from being cold to being.
Too warm right with a bathrobe.
Like within like four minutes. I'm just like, I get this ba throbe off me. I'd rather just grab a blanket, grab a blanket, warm up, and then dispose of not disposed of the blanket. I fold it back. I don't throw it out. Get this blanket garbage can full of blankets I throw out.
I like a robe during the winter.
It's nice a light robe.
Do you like a light I would say it's like a medium level robe.
Okay, so you can get warm from the yes.
Okay, And it's not after showering or a bath. It's like when I wake up in the morning, while I'm eating breakfast or whatever, okay, kind of shuffling around the house.
Yeah, I don't do a whole lot of shuffling. I usually wake up in a panic and I don't have then.
I also wake up in a panic, but that leads to shuffling.
Not a lot of robe time in my schedule, just like, oh shit, I gotta be out of here, hurry.
How quick? How soon between waking up and getting dressed, Like, what's the time there? Oh?
Well, it depends me and my wife will do it. We'll drink coffee in the morning to sit on the couch and talk and that'll that's kind of a fun thing when we can do that, so that like we can just do that for an hour. It's the best hour of the day, right, And it's just like, well, I guess we got to start our stupid days. Now.
What kind of conversations are you having, like upon waking up, I can't imagine doing that.
We talk about first, we talk about sleep. How did you sleep right? Did you have any dreams, ice breakers whatever, Yeah, ice break as if we're just as if it's speed dating or something, we're just meeting. We're seeing if there's any kind of chemistry between us. Yeah, and then we just talk about what we're going to do, and then that spins off into any kind of discussion about anything, what our day is, and then we kind of take inventory of the.
People we don't like, I remember someone else.
Yeah, no, no, it's it's very it's actually a pretty positive thing. We actually kind of get each other ready for the.
Day, right, And that sounds very nice. I wish I was capable of that. Are you eating.
Breakfast sometimes not a major priority for me? Sense to me? I don't know. I can't do too much coffee in the morning with nothing in my stomach or I just like I get ill from that. But I go right to the line with it, like I push it, right. I like eating lunch. I'd rather eat a more substantial lunch than to start things, because if I eat breakfast, I'm weirdly hungrier. Like ninety minutes later, I was just like, I've started the food.
Right, you your body that this is a possibility.
Yeah, I just can't.
I can't imagine waiting until noon to have my first meal of the day. I would lose my mind.
Well, it would be breakfast for you. What's it?
I just like a protein bar. I just need to choose something.
Oh, I mean, I have stuff in my car I keep like, like I go to I go to Costco again. My car is gonna get broken. Either you're going to want the coins or they're gonna want my trunk snack. It's no. I'll just buy like a box of like like fig bars, and I keep it in my trunk. There's games where I'm just like, ah, I'm hungry now.
I just they're in your trunk.
I don't want to be reaching for him every time I'm in the car to crazy some wall to remove temptation. If it was in my car, I would eat a fig bar every time I drove because I'd be in traffic and I'd be just like a fig bar. I gotta do something to feel better about myself. Where's my fig bars?
The idea of having to like go back to the trunk to get something that he feels crazy.
Well, when I'm leaving, I go. When I'm leaving, I can say I could use this. I'll grab a fike bar, bring it up front, drive for like five minutes, and I'm like, okay, it's fig bar time. I'm telling you way too much about my micro decisions here. This is too much.
My trunk is just packed with clothes that needed to go to Goodwill like four years ago or okay, and also a box of industrial sized garbage bags my dad accident accidentally sent me. They needed to be returned to Costco okay, and that'll never happen, so it's just unusable.
Spain, you can return anything to Costco at any point, like there is like there's no you think you're talking to You could bring something like board this men in black DVT not true. Fourteen years ago.
I tried returning these once and I wasn't a Costco member, okay, and I was like, you can just return these things you weren't a member, But I was like, return them to him.
We don't want to hear from you. I'm a Costco member. I am now, okay, well good now you should be able to return it.
But I already went through the experience once. I don't think I can ever do that again. Yeah, I only go to Costco now to get my chicken and various other little items.
Yeah, I like Costco.
What are you buying at Costco?
Almond milk? Get that three pack of almond milk. It's pretty sweet. Giant box of cereal which I eat at night? Actually, what type of cereal? Oh? What kind don't I get? No? I get it's like that. I like the special k with the strawberry okay, whatever, the freeze dried strawberries come back to life strawberry. It is like that. It's like that astronaut ice cream. It's simple stuff. I don't go insane at Costco. Like, I'm not buying like a tent, like the way they like you always go in there and suddenly it's like they just have like a tent set.
Yeah, like life things or I'm just like that would be such a like thought out purchase for me. It would never be. Oh, Costco has it. I'll get the.
Tent now exactly in the market for a tent of.
Time for to buy a hot tub.
It's like, yeah, do you ever eat at Costco? You ever get in that line?
No, But I've been wanting to. I've been wanting to have lunch at Costco. It feels like an experience I should have at some point.
Yeah, I think you need to get that under your belt to decide whether this is you or not. Yeah, let me see if it fits your the your way of living. It's because they have this pizza, like the tenth biggest pizza chain in America. Because they're just selling so many pizzas.
They must be like number three hot dog chain.
Hot. Yeah. I mean, look, well, Who'sian Nathan Wiener Schnitzel. I've never been in one of those. No, they look scary to me, Like what's going on in there? There's like certain chains I've never jolly Bee.
I've never I have been inside a mall jolly Be. But my friend was eating.
Okay, sure, never been there, never been to Is it there or Schnitzel? Is that what it is?
I would just say Wiener Schnitzel.
Whatever.
I'm trying to be respected the German gracious about I want to.
Respect my German friends because they're coming for us.
Is run by Nazis.
Yeah, we've been funding the Fourth Reke this whole time.
Wait, but you have you had the pizza at Costco? Oh?
Yeah?
Is it good?
It's not very good. It's so cheesy. Okay, it's like that kind of like and I'm not going to be the person who's just like, oh, here are the pizzas like this, because the Costco pizza is the same everywhere, right, but it's that incredibly dowey soft. It's almost like eating cake that has cheese on it, cheese and sat Yeah. Now it's it's not great, right, but it's very cheap.
Yes, And the hot dogs are very cheap.
Yeah.
And I have had a cookie from it that's like a recent addition to the menu, and I thought it was decent.
I mean, not bad, very sugary, though extremely sweet. They go very hard on that stuff. They're just like it's like a it's like airplane food where they're just like when you're higher up.
Yeah, you've got an intense your senses are numbed.
Yeah, but we're on the ground.
But maybe while you're in Costco you have a similar like your body has a similar reaction to being at ten thousand.
Yeah, it does feel like you're somewhere else. The air is thinner, thinner at Costco.
Well, there's something else I feel like we should talk about, and I feel like you've been avoiding the subject. The entire time, which is upsetting me a little bit. Tom. I was excited to have you here on the podcast. I think you're wonderful.
Well, thank you.
I figured we'd have a nice conversation, we'd move on with our day. The podcast is called I said no gifts, and so I kind of had to. You know, I did a double take when you walked into the studio holding two what are clearly gifts, two items wrapped in a gorgeous wrapping paper, which really screamed Tom sharply.
Yeah, so expertly, wrap expertly like a department store.
Were you at Nords?
From the sponges sticking off and the pape going.
Like, yeah, someone went to Dillard's.
Look, I didn't listen. I did what I wanted. I brought you a couple of things.
Well, fair enough, should we open them here on the podcast?
Sure? These work in conjunction, they will work together.
Okay, So should I open one before the other thing?
Which will go first? Okay? This is it's for it's going to be for you to have a fun night.
One is a gun and one is bullets.
Yes, now we'll go with that.
We'll open this one first, all right, this is the smaller of the two. Yeah, okay, Oh I've been meaning to try this. Oh yeah, it's the French the new Girl Scout Cookie, the French toast one.
Yes, I like how you accent Scout.
Oh interesting, do I say his story Girl Scout? This is interesting because you're from New Jersey, my book from New Jersey and the harassment I get about certain ways I say things like air conditioning. I say ice cream, Okay, does that sound strange?
Air conditioning? Like you go air conditioning as if we're doing different things to the air. Well, this is the air conditioning.
Part of And you say air conditioning.
The air conditioning. Yeah, but you're saying it as if like like turn on the air reduction machine. That's what it is, turn on the air conditioning machine.
Conditions.
There's air, multiple air machines that you're like, which air machine should have put it? The air conditioning.
I'm not wrong here, Like, you're not wrong. That's the purpose for the air conditioning.
You're the host, You're not wrong. So yeah, so you have these girls, these girl Scout cookies are it's the new.
French toast, And now I feel I know, I'm like, am I saying French toast.
Correct, You're getting that perfectly right. In New Jersey, people would be like, you're from here? When you start saying French toasts like that, people like what what exit on the highway are you from?
Have you had this particular?
How is it great?
I mean, I feel like we should open them now.
Sure I've been you know, But I will say, this is for a night for you to have a night. I don't want you to cash that out because it goes in conjunction with this.
And should I open that, Sure, talk about.
It because it would be it. This is meant for you to have a nice night right at home.
And I will I mean, I will tell you this is a very good gift for me because every night I do have a nightly cookie, okay, and so I usually bake them, but when a cookie is about this small, I'll have four of them.
Sure. No, I've heard about the dough you've got stockpiled.
Who told you this?
You said it on the show? Yes?
Oh on the ship. It's like like what you said, right. We've recorded other podcasts, other episodes of this before.
That's my worst night. I am at the point where I've talked into microphones for so long, and I'll have a thought, and I'll be like, is this a new thought? Did I already say this to a friend out loud? Did it leave my lips at some point? Did I say it into a microphone? Have I said it more than once into a micro Like, I can't remember any thought what I've done with this thought.
I just assume at this point I will not have a new thought ever again, and that those thoughts have been said one hundred times. Yeah, and so the listener's still hanging on or like, well here it comes again, Okay, well so yeah, okay, I've got the French toast. Let's open this other thing here.
Yeah, it might be slippery, so get ready.
Oh my god, I'm gonna throw this away before I even look at it.
It's this is the dane of every person's existence.
There are movie screeners with biltreeners, yes, which, if the listener's not aware, if you're a part of SAG the Screen Actors Guild or the Writer's Guild or whatever, every year you get sent Actually I don't get sent these anymore. I think I may have signed up for this leave me alone, but these are they send DVDs.
I figured you could watch a movie and have some cookies. I have a great night at home.
You know what. I watched a movie a screener. Last night I watched Conclave. Okay, did I say Conclave?
Correct? You said it right now.
I feel like anything with two syllables my life is going to fall.
Up a movie. D you see Conclave? Now you're again I'm the one saying it wrong. If we're on your show, I need to say things the way you say them. So enjoy those girls.
Here as I'm from Utah and you're from New Jersey to saints that are constantly used as punchline, so we don't there's no like real. Yeah, neither of us has the foot up here.
What's the worst thing people say about Utah that you actually take offense? I know what's wrong with New Jersey and some people hit bullseyes when they put it down right, but other times people are it's just like, oh, screw you, you don't know what.
The one that is like clearly just incorrect is like that everyone's a polygamus. Sure, that's just like and I feel like a lot of people still kind of assume that it's real, and that's I mean, like polygamus do exist in Utah, but they're like the state joke. You see them and you're like, what's happening. It's like our mobsters, right exactly, except for you can pick them out in a crowd because their hair is braided and they have fifty kids.
Okay, you can usually pick a mobster out in a way because they're they're us generally wearing. Now they're generally wearing a lot of Yankees, uh like and like expensive track jacket and something that says Yankees on it somewhere.
Okay, I have these screeners. I've seen a Nora. Did you like Anura?
I did?
Yes, fantastic, it's so funny. We're going to go through all of these. I haven't seen American fiction.
It's good.
This is last year, so we are getting.
We're going back. Look movie, these are classic movies.
This is another Judas in the Black One's Eye. I don't remember this.
Watched half of it on a plane.
Let's see who's in this. Oh wait, I have seen this. This is really old. This is several years ago.
It might be a few years old.
Okay. The United States versus Billie Holiday, the harder they fall borat. Yes, this is a twenty twenty. Why hadn't you thrown this away? What's happening in your house?
Well, my friend directed the second Boor movie, Jason Waller, so I held on to it for sentimental reasons. And then I was just like, I think I can let the screen buy the DVD. I can let the screener go at this point, yeah.
So I'm thinking of ending things. Okay, sure to five Bloods the Father. Oh Olivia Coleman, what's I haven't seen her around for a while.
Now. She's great.
She's so good.
I know, she started like as such a comedy I know, and she became respectable.
Yes, she's so good in Peep Show.
Oh absolutely, Yeah, what a weird turn of events that legitimate.
Like one of the most respected actors in films. Story, I tried, it didn't make it living have no idea.
About that those for people who don't know, there's a certain type of screener that shows up in a plane. This is a sad one a plane, white envelope that they're usually the ones that show up first, like in like it'll be like Halloween, and then you get like these movies and their titles, you're just like this could be a fake living. It might be nothing on that.
This could be about anything.
Yeah, it could put it in the player and it just says like, congratulations, you try and win, or just like you win, you're the first person to you win a million dollars. Because nobody's ever tried to watch one of these bleak white envelope screeners.
Yeah, it's a it looks like off brand medicine or something. Yes, Challengers. I liked Challengers. I feel like the big complaint was it wasn't sexy enough.
Sure, and sure they hedge their bets.
Yeah, they didn't go as far as people wanted them to. People are discussed thing nickel boys. I need to see this. Look, I got a second.
Just in case the first one didn't work.
I can spoil a friend. I'm gonna put these on people's winshields.
Sure, yeah, I like if they're and they're always like, these are traceable, don't give me the destroy them by March fifteenth. You must destroy these.
They weren't already on torrent websites nine weeks before release.
Exactly, And it's just like, so they're really going to track down that that's my copy of Anora, and what are they gonna do not send me more of these garbage.
I'm calling DIBs on that second Andora.
You get it on a lease, you win the seat of the Sacred fig Now, this is something I have never heard.
I've never heard of it.
When I my apologies to the filmmakers. Maybe it's good.
Isn't funny that that's somebody's somebody's life is that movie? And there's just so much stuff now track anything like.
It is impossible to make an impression on anyone.
Like Julia Roberts has done, like TVs stuff now where you're just like, what happened? How is this? This is?
Like, I mean, it's so strange to like be to like write and work in TV and someone will be like you tell somebody that, and they're like, well, what have you worked on? Like, I'm just not gonna tell you because it's gonna be one thing after I'll just be like, well, I've worked on Jimmy Kimmel. That's my first job. Because that's the only thing you certainly have heard of.
Sure, Now, I.
Interestingly this is best film editing Andrew Bird. Andrew Bird is, as far as I know, just an indie musician.
Yeah. Well, I guess he's got a going.
I mean, that's also the modern curse that really well could be Andrew.
Yeah, now he edits.
He's editing and whistling and and oh this is a grand y.
I figured it in with on a high note, the at all controversial.
This is my big question. Is is it a pun on Emily in Paris?
Well, that's a fair question.
It's a Netflix film. Yeah, it sounds like Emily in Paris. Yeah, it feels like there could be some tie in. But I and from what I know about the movie, it's insane, So why wouldn't it be.
Yeah, I've not heard one person say anything short of that's a total piece of shit movie. Like everybody's just like it's one of the worst things I've ever seen. But why I didn't even open the door. I'm just I'm going to start to do that thing where I like kind of pretend I saw it.
I mean, that's it. The other thing I thought it was whatever? Yeah, yeah, is it a musical? I think I know it's a musical and it's bad.
That's what I've been hearing.
And I feel like there's one scene that's been like texted to everyone in existence you have to see this thing.
Yeah, I'm I've been tuning a lot of things out lately, so I'm just gonna pretend I know the scene you're talking about.
I was sent a scene, but I didn't see it anywhere online, so I don't even if it's the scene, because clearly the movie must have seen after horrible scene. But apparently somebody likes it, or there's just a huge marketing.
Budget, there's a huge push.
Why did they picked this one?
I don't, I don't.
They could have picked the Jason Bateman at the Airport movie.
They could have picked the one where he had the long hair. When I see that, it's like, oh, it's a different Jason Bateman.
That's a bad guy.
Bad guy, bad guy. And then like there's this Mark Wahlberg movie where he's got like he's balder or something.
I just heard about this. It's called a Flight Risk.
Yeah, and it's directed by Mel Gibson.
Of course, director of the Beaver. Thankfully, he's no actually star of the Beaver. That's a Jody Foster film.
Yes, wait, yeah, he starred. That's weird.
That was like kind of his comeback after the big arrest or whatever.
There must have been something going on on that Maverick set where Jodi Foster did that movie with Mel Gibson where they were bonded for life.
Now they saw something exactly.
Something went down there and they are linked together for all eternity and no I that, but like, I see these glimpses of like Mark Wahlberg is just like.
He's bald in it. I'm gonna I need to google this, I need to get my eyes on this. Let's see here, Mark Wahlberg bald or just flight risk bald sounds like a nasty Let's see. Wait, he's like I did search bald. Now I'm gonna he's like receding hairline or like male pattern baldness. Is that right?
I guess it looks like the dad on that seventies show.
This looks horrible. This looks so.
Scared that these are the artistic choices being made.
When you said shade or bald, I just imagine like completely shaved as I got.
Probably looks No, he's got like the tought.
Yeah, puffy back of the head.
Yeah, like ed.
It looks horrifying and like this sort of thing like on someone where it's happening naturally it's just like whatever. But I mean this is it looks like he bought it at the Super Halloween superstore where it's like that bad bald cap could fly off in the wind. This looks I have to see this movie.
It's like if like a kid dressed like Doctor Phil for Halloween, that would be what they would dress. Yeah, like mad Science, like the kids that.
Comes with the lab coat beaker. Yeah, okay, I haven't had my cookie yet? Do you want one? I'm going to these are they're available at least do you want one?
Save me one for later?
But these are much bigger than I expected.
It's nearly almost a piece of toad.
It's almost a piece of toast. I'm chewing into the microphone.
Which everybody loves.
Turn up, turn up the sounds, lean into it.
This is very good.
It tastes like maybe cinnamon toast crunch.
Yeah, like it has all almost like that. Yeah, like that syrup. It's like a little I remember there being a little syrup. Look. I ate the thing like a ravenous dog, So I just ate them all.
I'm gonna su I'm stopping eating it now, not because I don't like it, but because of my I'm trying to be your perfect kinder podcast, but it is very It's because I have pretty strong feelings now about Girls Scout cookies, and I feel like a lot of them bomb.
Well, what would be your favorites.
I think the thin mint is the only one that's actually good and has been good the entire time it tastes. I don't think that it has ever changed. It's one of the few things in history that's as good now as it was twenty years ago.
I would agree with that completely. The ones that used to be called somemosas and they said that's offensives, and now they're called they changed the name of them, right, wonderfuls or something like that, wonderful I have something like that. But I remember when those showed up, just like somebody's getting fancy in the cookie lab over at the Girl's Scout.
Yeah, the tag alongs. Those used to be good.
Yeah. Yeah, there has been like a drop in general, drop in quality.
Yeah, I think they I think they've been cutting corners on some of the ingredients.
Yeah.
I think the shortbread is still good.
I like the short bread.
Yeah, what are the other ones?
Isn't there like a peanut butter one in there.
Oh, I don't mind that one.
I'm not huge on peanut butter, like.
To hear, but you like peanut butter in general, like.
Peanut butter, but sometimes peanut butter cookie is a little uh, it still slows things down a little too much, Like now I have to drink something for every COI I need to drink something, you know.
I think that's all of them. And oh, there's a s'mores flavor, which I didn't work for me.
No, it was very like chemical yeasting.
Yeah, it's very like frozen yogurt, artificial flavor.
Yeah, we're being told that this is.
Right because we know those It should literally just be gram cracker and a We know you can put a marshmallow and that can be preserved in a package.
We've all seen it.
Yeah, and put some chocolate on this.
Yeah.
But I said, it's like just a literal cookie with the flavor and fuse, which I find upsetting.
I agree with you completely.
It's like a jelly belly.
Yeah, I guess so sure, But I.
Do like a jelly belly.
Well where would where the test for me with jelly bellies is where people feel about the buttered popcorn. Okay, I hate you hate it?
What do you think of it?
I like it?
Okay, I think it's a bad tasting it. First of all, it does not taste like popcorn.
No, of course it doesn't.
But it doesn't taste like anything. It tastes just like a bad It just hurts my tongue. Sure, it's between sweet and like putrid.
And the thing is I agree with you completely, yet I do like them. It's one of those things. Was just like, I don't know this is working for me. I'm just gonna keep going. Look, I would not seek them out right, I'm going to go to like the It's sugar and just get a bag of just buttered popcorn jelly bellies. But if I come across one, you'll eat.
There's something very urinal.
I could see that.
I don't know like them.
Yeah, I don't like cinnamon ones though they're too strong.
I don't like any cinnamon flavored candy.
I think, yeah, like red hot things. I don't like any of that stuff.
No, and that I think that's falls into kind of the small category where it's like I know what cinnamon tastes like, and this is not that.
No, this is just you're overcompensating and making it very extreme.
Right, Yeah, and uh, I think those are the two owned banana flavor. Those are the three that just never work it.
Ever, Bananas rough and grape is I like, but it's just nothing to do with what an actual grape tastes like, Like it's just like purple called a purple flavor.
But I imagine at some point, whoever was creating it, that's what grape tasted like to them, I guess.
So, I mean, what would be this the starter that would be like grape soda?
Yeah, grape soda feels like the earliest form of that grape syrup.
Yeah, and it's just but why how where did they get off saying this is grape? Right? They came up with this flavor, and then somebody's like, this is called grape, Like, what's his taste? Like, I don't know, it's grape. Okay, sure, I'll take your word for it.
I feel like a lot of people's problem with grape flavoring is they associated with children's tailand all.
Yeah as a kid, yeah now, but I also have a if there was a candy that was the taste of those aspirins, I would eat that. Oh what were those again? The saint remember, like the aspirins were like very like for kids.
Oh I'm not familiar, man, they were good.
I would actually go to this. I would go to like CVS and get a bos on just like two. What's the big deal of each your children's ask for in a day?
For your heart?
Right? Yeah, it's like I'm taking care of myself. But I remember thinking those tast it's so good. I think it was.
I love a great yeah medicine. There was a sun Kissed vitamin that was a similar thing. It tasted fantastic. They were so much better than a flintstone vitamin, which I think are awful.
They were not good.
And that also falls into kind of the Gatorade gum territory for me. Oh you didn't like that?
It's so strong?
I love, Oh it's great.
Yeah, it's like, well, what it comes down to is I don't exercise enough to justify needing to like rehydrate through gum. Like I'm not in some extreme training mode. I'm like, dude, if you don't get your electrolytes, you're gonna be in trouble. It's like, well, I gotta have some gum.
Men.
When does anyone ever in a situation where they just don't have a liquid to drink and they need to be chewing I need to go to Parkle Pelps. Like, I guess you're swimming, so.
Training for six hours at a at a stretch.
Can't have a mouthful of chlorine. So yeah, chewing gum while swimming. That sounds dangerous to me. Yeah, it feels like something that not a lot of people.
Do you get a mouthful of chlorine?
Yeah? No? I love the Gatorade flavored gum, but I wonder if that's even made anymore, and that, I mean, the big problem with that is you're not going to buy that at a grocery store that you have to go to like I don't know.
Sports sporting goods and get like Gatorade gum. It's probably six dollars a pack, but way too expensive, right right?
Okay, Well, I feel like we should look back at these movies for a moment. Have you seen any good movies recently?
I watched Night Bitch the other Oh, how was that everybody was saying? Was so like everybody's like saying It was like like a punchline of a movie, just like it was fine. It was like when I wouldn't recommend it necessarily, but I kept waiting for it to be like I waited for it to be the point where we started laughing at it, and it kind of didn't show up. And Amy Adams is working so hard in this movie that you kind of just have to give her props for She's gone. She's all in on something that's very potentially very ridiculous, right right, having to like eat food in a like a dog?
Is she aware? Wolf?
She turns into a dog?
She does? I didn't know that. I had no idea. I mean, the title kind of tells you, but I just assumed it was like a spicy movie. She turns into a dog?
Why because it's hard for your birthday? Now, it's hard being a mom with kids.
Oh and so that turns her into a dog at night? What sort of dog?
Wolf? Wolfish doge? He's not turning into a pug, She's it's kind of like a dog that runs through the neighborhood. It's kind of like like a German shepherd y wolf kind of thing. Yeah, not a teacup poodle, not a chiweenie.
Now, yeah, well, maybe all I should watch that I mean I feel like the title sets you up. It seems like, oh wow, this is a bold title. The movie will be so fun. Yeah, and then if it's not, then you're like, well.
Yeah, I mean I look, I didn't see the substance yet because I'm not good with like body horror.
That's going to be a nightmare for you.
Well.
I do have to just do it though at some point, because I feel like I'm truly outside the circle, right right, But this is like night Bitch is not campy the way the substance is camping. It's a little more grounded or but it's it's very similar territory in thematic or right right. I just have to jump in on the substance and just get ready to be grossed.
Out for an hour and a half, No, over two hours. That was my big flint. That was I feel like maybe thirty to forty minutes could have been goodbye.
Well, you have some very strict movie viewing rules. I do you walk out? You've actually listened to get ready for the Brutalist? Did you see the Brutalist?
I walked out? Oh I was good. I mean, God, bless that movie. They have an intermission.
God bless that movie.
This is what I'll say about that movie.
Might smote that movie.
This is what I'll say about that movie. I've never walked out of a movie during intermission because actually happily and seen a line out of the men's room. It's I think that speaks as to what that movie is.
You would think you were at like a weird al concert. The way, there's the line at the men's room, just like I saw it over at the theater in Burbank, which I do not like that. Oh theater. I freak out the theater. Everything's wrong with a theater that they embody that that theater encapsulates everything. Went to a one forty show of the Brutalist. Movie starts a little after two with the previews, the break. Now the intermission is coming up at like four fifteen. The intermission was very long. I went, I went back to get some snacks, went to the bathroom, get snacks, go back in. I'm still sitting for ten more minutes before the movie starts back up. And then it's another like two hours of the movie. So now we're talking, it's six twenty.
You could have traveled across the country exactly.
You could have flown La to Noork. The same people are gonna be watching that movie on planes and not getting finished yet.
Right.
It's like but and I was just like sitting there and I'm just like why is like just why is this that this long? Why didn't like nobody told this guy. It's just like, well, You're not gonna be that long. It's like, I'm thinking it'll be coming up on four hours, Like.
No, And isn't that hard for him? He has to keep watching the movie over and over while he.
Has to me just like, let's go back to see nine hundred and eighty five. I think we could tighten it up, or we could probably expand it a little bit. It's probably like this scene's moving a little too fast. Let's say, don't we have a longer take of this? We can put in so long and then people mistake things like that for epics.
Yeah, right, like oh, this is that's just by nature because it's too long.
Yeah, all the greatest movies are long.
I felt very justified in my leaving during intermission because everyone's like, yeah, the second half is not as good as the first thing.
Well that's completely true.
Yeah, So I'm like, okay, So I got a decent hour and a half of a movie. I know basically what's going on. Yeah, and now I can move on with my life. I got to participate as much as I needed to it.
When I first heard you talking about this stuff, I was like, this is madness, walking out of a movie halfway through. But then as I started to think about it, practically, you're claiming your self yes, in this process completely, And it was so bold to think of saying no, I've had enough, And I was like, no, he's right, you can just say I'm done. Thanks, best to look to you. I'm not asking for my money back.
You're reclaiming your life.
You're reclaiming your life.
Yes, you're taking the shackles off and saying I'm going to do something else with my time.
I'm very impressed by that.
It's the only part of my life where I have a boundary.
Wow, and maybe I should get one.
You take some lesson from this, sure, because it feels incredible. I mean it might be detrimental in some way where I'm maybe missing some piece of art, but so far it's working out pretty well.
Just assume you're not.
I mean, we're missing out on all kinds of things all the time.
You've seen enough at this point, right, I've seen movies, TV shows, it kind of nowhere it's going. You were, you were fine on the brutalist.
I hope I'm inspiring people to do this.
I hope you hope, and I hope Hollywood is taking notes.
Everyone complains constantly about movies being too long. Yeah, I just don't understand why more isn't done about that. I do know.
It's a great it's really I think everybody thinks they're the exception, right, Like every movies are too long, but this needs to be two hours and twenty minutes long. Ours does, right, It's especially like like when these dumb movies are that long. It's that's like like the idea that like those Christopher Nolan Batman movies were like three hours, three hours watching a guy run around dress like.
A bat there's no layers or anything.
We gotta take. We need three hours to get here.
Makes no sense, unbelieved, like you're even developing characters.
Then everybody likes it, so they keep going.
Yes, of course, of course.
I think you need to be the face of a movement.
I think I am.
We've had enough the one. The one twenty club movie shouldn't be two hours. That's it.
I mean, I think that everyone secretly agrees with that, and I do. The more people that do it, the more Hollywood will pay attention.
You need to, but you need to put a face on it because they're not noticing. Right, I don't.
Gonna end up with me just being blacklisted.
Absolutely, you're going to be run out of the industry. David Zaslav is going to hear this and be like, do you not put your face and be like a shoplifter or at a store you'll be about your picture will be behind the counter.
Do you know what I mean? Speaking of that same thing. I almost the same way about a full thirty minute sitcom.
When sitcoms took the liberty of saying like, no, we're going to tell you how long this is, they never go the other way where it's like, hey, that one was only seventeen minutes. They never if they were going both ways, so, hey, this episode, we need thirty two minutes to tell the story.
You need it?
This one seventeen minutes? Were we got it done? They never do less than that twenty three minute thing. Right when those arrested development episodes started in and they were getting into the pass a thirty minute mark.
You get to thirty five minutes, I was like.
Tired, it's exhaust I was actually tired. Yeah, even like these supersized Friends episodes, when that was a thing, Like Friends is supersized five minutes more too much, too much. I didn't need this much Friends.
Yeah, twenty two to twenty four minutes is lent.
It's actually more than enough because you could get rid of the c story and we could be free stories. Probably just like just hang out with them. Friends is just like what if we're just in the coffee shop.
For saying ten minutes like that, we're good. You get the ren brands playing the theme song, ten minutes of the friends catching up, and we're yeah, calm. Storyline justifies beyond twenty two.
No, absolutely not.
I do not care. I guess the one exception I'll make is Enlightened. You've seen Enlightened, but it's a different thing.
Enlightened was its own.
Yes, it's not sitcom, it's not comedy. Yeah, thing it's incredible.
And Lighten was amazing.
Yeah, but otherwise forget it. Oh okay, Well, now I've got a lovely evening of watching Amelia Perez.
And twice. Don't play the same disc two times, no alternate between discs. Yes, it's like differences on Broadway. It's like you need to go back and forth.
Of course, of course, I'm very excited about my evening ahead of me. I think it's time to play a game. Okay, I think we'll play gift you a curse. I need a number between one and ten from you eight.
Okay.
I have to do some light calculating to get our opening back up to Mark Wahlberg Baldings startling. Yes, you can do some promoting, recommending, or whatever you want.
I'll be right back. Okay. Well, my name's Tom. I do a show called The Best Show. It's on Tuesdays and it's fun. And this is actually the twenty fifth anniversary of the Best Show. We've been doing it that long, and so it happens. We do it live every Tuesday night from three to six pm Pacific, and then it's a podcast for everybody to listen to whenever they want after that, and I do show called Double Threat with Julie Klaus there that comes out every Monday. So check them out.
Beautiful. This is how we play gift or a curse. I'm going to name three things. You'll tell me if they're a gift or a curse and why, and then i'll tell you if you're right or wrong. Okay, you can lose the game time, sure, Okay, all right. This first one is from a listener named Emily. Gift or a curse, Chris, Emily, they're called Croissan witches. But she said croissant Croissan. It's nearly impossible to say Croissan witch. Yeah, yeah, Croissan witches. No one's ever said that, Emily.
You know, when you're judging how somebody pronounces something, they're really wrong.
Has anyone ever said crossand witch?
No, I've never heard that.
I think Burger King got in there and fix things for everybody.
They tightened it up.
Yeah, gift or a curse, croissand witches, I would.
Say, because it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a lighter option in the scheme of things, I would I would consider that a gift.
Okay, wrong. I think this is a curse. I think this is and this is exactly why I think a croissant is a delicious thing that everybody loves but the reason you eat a croissant is because of the layers, and you know, it's like a flaky pastry, and when it turns into a sandwich, you have to squeeze a sandwich to eat it, and it becomes you basically ruin the croissant. Or you're getting flakes everywhere. That's true, because a croissant you kind of have to pull apart.
You're right.
And Third, I don't know if i've named two things or however you keep going four hundred. Usually it's a badly made croissant. Anyway, it's like second thought croissant because you're buying it maybe from Burger King.
No, I can't argue with any of that.
Yeah, I think it's a bad thing, and I would rather have a biscuit or a toast for my breakfast sandwich.
I would agree with both of that. I agree with all of it. I think I might have lower standards than you, where I would just be like, ah, it's some sandwich, let's do it.
Okay, One wrong so far, big deal. Number two. This is from a listener named Jess. Gift to a Curse. Suggestive billboards for family friendly businesses.
Suggestive billboards what would constitute a suggestive billboard.
I think like some double entendreum, you know, like I can't think of one.
Well, I'm gonna say that's a curse. I still feel like I see some of these billboards, like there's a do you ever see the Drake the Lawyer billboards? I don't think I have the lawyer. His name is like Greg Drake or whatever calls himself Drake the lawyer, and the billboard has like Kendrick Lamar jokes on them in law not like we're not like us. Oh god, that's informing this. I'm gonna say that's a curse.
Oh that's so irritated. Yeah, Kendrick must be furious.
And it's also just like maybe my lawyer shouldn't be trying to be funny. Yeah, it's the lasting good at law, Like you're just laughing in the courtroom as you lose the case.
But the thing is you're not laughing because he's not actually terrible.
It's and it's not even funny.
Yes, it's nothing.
It's like comedy adjacent.
Everything now has to be comedy, everything curious.
It's exhausting.
You're right, it's it's a total curse. I mean, I will say, just at this point in history, we are beyond suggestive. What are we even suggesting? We all know what. The President of the United States has destroyed any pretense of like we're being we're keeping things from each other.
Nothing. There is no reason for anybody to not say whatever it.
Is absolutely disgusting thing you want.
You're valid because yeah, so.
Yeah, fuck you come to our laser tag.
You know, it's whatever the amount of cursing that has look I like cursing. I love cursing, but I don't always want to hear it, right We're just like like sometimes you hear it, just like I was watching like a basketball game, and then like the between things, just like, let's get this shit turned up. It's just like you need a curse right now? What are we doing? And like they bleep out they believe why are recording this?
Yes, we don't need that. There's a let's save that for more fun situations about screaming at other drivers when it counts exactly, Yeah, it's bad.
Curse.
I just don't like cheeky. I don't like winking, you know, I think it's annoying.
I'm with you completely, Okay.
Number three, this is a listener named Mark. He suggested gift he a curse limited edition items.
I would say a limited edition item. They can't see if it's limited because there's a limited demand on something. You're not overproducing something that would be a gift. When you're working people up into a frenzy that they're not going to be able to get something that they will be able to get, but they're getting upset about. When you're creating a false need, preying on the weakness of somebody who has the extreme collecting mentality. That's a curse. But I'm going to say, ultimately.
Curse correct, it's a curse. I agree with you completely. I feel like because it is so often artificial demand, you're not going to hold these things back. The only time the thing should be limited edition, I think, is if it's literally made by hand by one person. If it's made in a factory, there's no reason not to make as many keep stamping them out when you're trying to create lines. I will never stand in a line for an item now, so I will just never own a limited edition thing unless I find it at goodwill.
It's and have you ever been to Comic Con?
I haven't and I don't have any plan.
Don't do it now, you're right to This is exactly the right. They'll do these things. These toy companies will be there and be like, oh, we have an incredible Hulk figure Comic Con exclusive. It's like he has like blue shorts on this one, and there's a line of people in a panic of course to not get that thing. It's just like, this is just cruel what we're doing here, and it's just like it's ending Earth basically, it's like we're accelerating the end of Earth. The idea that adults are waiting in line to buy a thing for very expensive also, so like plastic that has just a different color on it. Yes, yeah, it's it's a curse.
I feel like limited edition collabs were kind of the last step and everything falling apart.
Sure, yeah, exactly. When suddenly it's like, oh, Rihanna's teaming up with Tom Sharplin with me, Well, that one might be fun, but I.
Want to see that that's a gift. Now, Okay, Rihanna, you have the only you have the power. Rihanna, please so be an adult and collab with Tom.
I have no pull in this one. I do well, please thank a listener, take whatever you can get.
I think she's our secret billionaire listener that I'm occasionally teasing. Yeah, Rihanna reach out. Well you got two out of three? Yeah, not too bad, not incredible, whatever. This is the final segment of the podcast. I said, no, who oh my god, right there on a lease. I nearly blew past your segment.
How dare you.
Analise has one gift or a curse for both of us. Okay, and only they have the correct answer. Okay, what is it, Onalise? You're butting in and just controlling the podcast?
All right, give her a curse? Squirting ketchup on top of fries?
Do you want to go?
Or should I go?
There?
You go first.
I think squirting ketchup on top of fries is disgusting. I think it's completely unnecessary. I don't understand the point of that in any way. Actually, it's not saving you any time. The only thing it's doing is making the French fries soggy while you're eating the rest of your meal. I when someone does that, they've just now ruined the French fries for me. It's not gravy, No, it's not gravy.
These not disco fries. You're declaring this is how we're eating You're playing this how everyone's eating fries. They're gonna have to kind of root through the ketchup to get to hold a fry ketchup on your fingers.
Yes, the ketcher ship would be on the end of the French.
Fry aside and everybody. Everybody's in control of how they want to eat French fries. Oh I want to dip mine. Oh I don't want to dip mine. Not just this decision, Like it's like somebody I've never been in this situation. I don't even know what I would do. If somebody's like, I'll order for the table, would shoot myself, I'll order for the table I'm leaving. Yeah, I'll say that sometimes as a joke to people, will be like, I'll order for the table. I'll go like six uh, six Cealiberty steaks and six hot coffee hot coffee with anything. Is like, well, that's the only thing you're allowed to drink is hot coffee, And everybody laughs. But somebody actually doing that, and that's what this French fry thing is. Yes, it's so, I would say, absolutely, it's a curse.
Yeah, occasionally I want to eat just the fry without the ketchup. E. Absolutely, I'm mixing it up during my meal.
You go, we have a few fries with that ketchup. Then you're like, okay, let's live in it up a little bit.
And for some people this is a way of life, some people on a liise I hope that.
What is the.
Answer, you guys, it's a gift. Oh and here's my reason. Here's my reason. When I'm ordering fries, I'm not ordering it for the table, I'm ordering for me. What what message am I sending when I'm putting the ketchup on top of the fries is you're not going to stick your grubby hands into my ketchup and my fries.
Okay, on Aliza, giving it.
Far far away from you, I am essentially marking my territory with the aforementioned ketchup.
The message you're sending is you don't know how to eat French fries, and everyone at the table is wondering what's happening over there. Maybe we should take on a Lisa's side.
I fired I feel like you need to bump up the class of person you're hanging out with if you need to mark your food food like that. Clearly this is a comment on your friends, not French fries and ketchup. Don't blame anyway for my food.
What not at least wrong wrong? Okay, this is I said no emails, people write, and I said no gifts at gmail dot com begging for answers. Will you help me answer a question, of course? Okay, this is hello Bridger and guest. Firstly, thanks for your podcast and all your gift advice so far. Don't mention it. I have started to make little things out of clay. It started with egg cups, and then when I realized they were really flipping hard, I moved on to bulls. So far, the bulls I have made have turned out pretty cute, perfect for the hipster in your life. But I live alone, so I have so I have no one to give that listener this email is The syntax is tough. I'm having a hard time reading book. You've written me, perfect for the hipster in your life, but I live alone, so I have no one to give me that look that says, oh, bless your heart. These are horrific. Please stop. We could have used some periods rather than commas, But we're moving on. My question for you is is it ever okay to give homemade things as gifts? Let me know what you think, Big love, Caroline in Scotland. Okay, well maybe Caroline, my apologies. Maybe this is how a Scottish email's written and that's okay, But I you know, this could have used a little light editing. The big question though, is also congratulations on your new hobby, this clay thing. Can you give people homemade gifts?
I would say if there's a if there's a modicum of thought behind the homemade thing. You're not just looking around your house and saying like like like you have an inventory like a stock room of things you made, and you're just grabbing a thing for anybody. You're not. It should It should have some meaning for the person you're giving it to, or something that shows you thought about them, You thought.
That during while they were on you couldn't stop thinking if you for them right right? I would go one step further and say it needs to be good.
Oh yeah, I would agree with that.
I'm someone who cannot give a homemade like anything, any homemade gift would just be a burden for who it would be garbage, but it now has guilt tied to it because they really can't throw it away. So I've given them a useless item that we'll just stay in their home forever. Yeah, and it seems like Caroline is making junk according to her, even it's trash. So I would I feel like, Caroline, keep those at home.
I don't. She used the word trash in.
There, she said, so much as trash all the word hipster. I read between the lines like fair enough, fair enough, slope, Caroline. Some people can give homemade things as gifts. You specifically cannot go and buy spend, spend, spend, try buy people things that are expensive, and that's the only way you can win anyone's love in your life. Otherwise you're going to be driving people away.
Yes, I see what I see your line of reasoning with this.
Have you ever given someone a homemade gift?
Once in a while, me and my my wife will say like, hey, let's just we'll add some homemade components to like Christmas, or it'll be like, oh, I made you this, Like like I like I made a calendar of our dogs.
Oh sure, yes, of course that's very sweet.
Something fun that's like But it's very specific for us and for our So it's not just like I made. I knitted this thing and I'm not good at it, but I just I'm just going to give you the thing I made. They're very specific, right, that makes sense.
Yeah, I don't think I've ever given I mean, after elementary school, I think it kind of ended as far as homemade gifts goes.
Yeah, somebody's gonna be over in Michael's stockpiling getting your raft uh supplies ready.
I was in Joeanne Fabric the other day, and that place is the end of the world. Let go.
Yeah, yeah, Michael's. If you're going Michael's Crafts, everything is fifty percent off. Like you're just like, well, why are we pricing It's like, let's make the adjustment.
Just make the prize. Not fooling anybody.
It's like a dumb game they're playing where it's like this is thirty dollars, but it's fifteen for you.
If it's always fifty percent off, it's never fifty percent.
Yeah. It's like when Bad, Bath and Beyond you said those.
Coupons just lower everything.
Exactly, It's just lower everything ten percent.
Look where I led them. They went out of business.
Yeah, making those coupons.
Making those coupons, and it feels like that's what's happening to Joeanne because it was a bleak situation. They need a manager or something and they're mopping. Well, Caroline, don't write back in Tom. We answered the question perfectly. I now have these delicious cookies. I can't believe the Girls Scouts were able to make a modern good cookie. We love the Girls Scouts and everyone should buy them, but let's be honest, be selective about which product you're buying from them. You have to send them a message. You vote with your dollar with the girl out out. And I've got all of these films, which I will watch all of them in order. I've had a lovely time with you the best. Thank you for being here, thank you for having me listener. The podcast is slowly running out of juice. You've been begging for it to be over for the last forty five minutes. You walked out halfway through, and that's fine, it's over. I love you, goodbye, I said no Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer is on Alisa Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday. The theme song is by miracle Worker Amy Mann and we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Coottner. You must follow the show on Instagram. At I said, no gifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gifts?
And I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no guests, you're our presences. Presence enough.
I already had too much stuff, So how did you dare to surbey me
