I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger WinegarBridger feels nothing at all when comedian Mo Welch tries to provoke him with a gift. The two discuss lying to children, puffy shorts, and what's happening with Natalia Grace.
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And I invited you here. I thought I made myself perfectly clear. But you're a guest to my home. You gotta come to me empty And I said, no guests, you're a presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how.
Did you dare to surbey me?
Welcome to I said, no gifts, I'm pretchard wine girl. Well, what what's happening? There?
Is?
At least the last I knew. There was a silver Kia going about ninety five miles an hour down the one thirty four who was not happy when I changed into his lane doing the speed limit. And I just want to apologize to him, Sir, I hope you find peace. I hope you get wherever you need to be on time. That was a little I'm rattled. I'm a little rattled, but I also have some good news. Last night, it was time for bed, I went to close the shade on the back door, and as I did, I looked down and underneath the gate, a little skunk came squeezing under and headed into the backyard. And I I have not felt a rush like this since I went indoor skydiving. It was such a thrill to see that little skunk on its way somewhere I don't know where, doing some business in my backyard. It's welcome anytime. It was so truly eight inches away from me, and there was no fear of being sprayed, So it was really it was delightful. It was a fun surprise before bed. Ah, is there anything else we should discuss? These are probably the two most important pressing things in the world, so then we can move into the podcast. I just adore today's guest. I think she's so funny. It's mo welch Mo.
Welcome to is said, no gift, Thank you so much.
Oh. Have you had any sort of skunk interaction?
Uh? Yeah, we used to have something that kind of lived under the house and they go in and out. There's a lot of skunks where I live.
Plastic amount of skunks in Los Angeles.
Yeah.
Did you ever get to see skunk babies?
I don't know if I've had the pleasure. I've seen some maybe teen teens teenskuk.
Smoking in our backyard, some like mini pepe le pews. Yes, did you were you ever like around? Was there any fear of getting sprayed?
I'm just I'm fearful that my dog will get sprayed.
So that's kind of the night.
So my dog is old, and so even last night he wants to go out like four times. My sleep is so broken because it's yes, and but I have to I basically have to go outside and watch him go to the bathroom because I don't want to. There's raccoons too, so I'm like, I don't want Oh that's even more hoodies.
Oh god, your dog is a target. I know how old is he?
He's like a hundred. I don't know he's so because I adopted him, right, and I tell the story on stage, but it's it is true that that when we got him, they said he was two, and then our vet said he's at least ten.
Oh my god, this is an orphan situation. Yes, the movie Orphan. Do you remember this movie? They adopt a little girl and find out that she's like fifty.
This is exactly what it is. I gotta write that down.
Oh my god, that's exactly what happened to you. And now I've just recently found out there's I can't write commend this documentary because it's garbage. But it's called like the Curious Case of Natalie Grace, which is you know so much that you've watched it.
Of course I did.
Well, then maybe you can tell me what happened because I had to turn it off.
I still don't. I feel like it wasn't Maybe it's just me. Maybe I also don't watch the end of it, but I was like, I feel like it wasn't conclusive. I feel like they were just like, well, well, never know how old she is.
It's so annoying. I know, it's like it truly to me, is like the perfect thing for me to watch. If it had been well made, I would have watched a thousand episodes. Yeah, but it's like, I don't feel like I'm gonna get answers here, and it doesn't feel like the people being interviewed Noah, still know what's going on.
I think it should be illegal too. If you don't have an ending to your documentary to make us go through seven hours not.
A moral thing to do.
Find a birth certificate, hire a private detective.
Get to Eastern Europe and find out where this person came from, find out if she can drink legal things.
So annoying, it's really.
Annoying, and it's like, yeah, because now you can't tell me what happened. We just have to kind of kind of speculate as to whether or not she was four or if she was ninety eight, right, and I was so on.
They did do a good job of like sariness in the direction of like, Okay, she's definitely old, and then the next one I'd be like, wait, she's young. Though. I was going back and forth.
And there's ever really an expert at least for I gave up pretty early. But it's like they're talking to the dad the son in the basement, and then like some nosy neighbor.
Right, you're just like it felt like Hollywood, where you're just like, well, how old is she? Like is she young? Is she old? Well?
Never know, you could ruin her career, right, Everybody loves her for how young she is, and meanwhile she's trying to kill her family. That was another thing where it's like she should I think this is about where I turned it off, which actually was kind of an exciting part. She showed up in the parents' bedroom holding a knife, right.
But there was no evidence, Sorry.
There was no evidence, and she didn't kill them, she didn't attack, right, So she may have just found the knife and needed to know where it needed to be put or something.
In the middle of the night. Mommy, Dad, I want a sandwich.
I'm cleaning up.
How do I make a sandwich again? I have the knife.
I have the biggest possible knife. So, but you watched all of it?
I think I did, which is it's terrifying that I forget everything, you know. I think my brain makes me forget because it's like, well, what if you want to watch this again and enjoy it? Like Am of Thrones.
Yeah, it's kind of a self preservation thing. That's kind I think maybe that's a good way of looking at it, because I forget everything as well, rather than thinking, oh, I just have no retention, media retention whatsoever. No, it's my body saying you want to enjoy this again?
Yes? Yes?
Have you seen any good documentaries recently?
Uh?
I think so?
Have you seen the Cup Courts? Have you seen the one? And we've already talked about this on this podcast. But the Man who wants to Live Forever?
I haven't that. It's like Netflix is like, I promise you should watching this, please watch this, and I just keep going I just don't want to watch it. I can't get myself to watch it.
I mean, I will say that one has some pretty clear answers. The answer you're looking for is this man normal?
Right?
And you find that out pretty quickly.
And he's telling you immediately how old he is.
Yes, that's differently between Yeah, so these kind of go hand in hand.
Maybe that's where I got the idea to make it.
He's like, I'm going to outdo that documentary. I'm going to tell people how old I am and how old I could be twenty two. No, I watched that. It's truly insane. And then, I mean, news keeps coming out about him because he's out of his mind, is constantly trying to stay in the news cycle. And this is an unfortunate piece of news that I learned yesterday. He's now God, I don't even know if I want to talk about this on a podcast. He is now posting screenshots, he's tracking his nightly erections and his sons and their comparison.
Oh wow, and how is his son?
The son's nineteen? Okay, So this, like, if this gives you any idea of what we're dealing with, right, it's it's uh, And I can't imagine how he's now dealing with the air quality in Los Angeles.
I mean, remember when dads just wanted to play catch with their sons.
Another erather era. Now they're having their DNA edited. They're basically brainwashing their children into giving them their blood. It's uh, am I selling this documentary?
Well it's I mean, yeah, that's the wrong sign in Netflix. I mean, look at us trying to get specials over here. We can't get a fucking.
Special to get a fifteen minute.
Yeah take my blood, man's got it blid.
Oh okay, So you've got skunks living under the house. Ultimately, that's what's important. Yes, yes, do you have to get like, do you have to call animal control?
Yeah? They we did call them, and they got rid of them in an okay, in.
A human way where they like the hook that they pull them out.
I have no idea how they really do it. I think, yeah, they're like, we signed you up for improv classes. Everyone out.
Everyone had to Franklin. Yeah, this is the first real close encounter I've had with wildlife in the last of a while. I feel like the fires are kind of making these animals go all over the place.
Man. Imagine living on the West Side and then as it's skunk. And then all of a sudden, you're on the east.
Side, you're headed past Western, you're on the.
Five, and you're just like, I never thought this would be my life again.
You have your passport, a few pictures of your family.
She was like, well, I might as well go to kitchen Mouse while I'm here.
Sorry, local reference kitchen Mouse two locations. Wow, everybody had to kitchen Mouse. Actually, I will say the last time I was a kitchen mouse, I had a pretty messy sandwhich.
I as my worst fear.
Horrible fear.
I hate that. I also think if you sell a sandwich, I do think that you should cut off that the ends so that it's not messy on the end where the lettuce is falling.
Should that shouldn't touch your hands? Yeah, that's a really good point.
I think it should just like, go to Natalie Grace, get that knife, trim up your sandwiches. La.
Yeah, I don't want to feel lettuce on my palm.
Yeah, who wants that?
No, I just want the bread there. That's wow, you're making an excellent point. I mean, having a really good year, you're finally turning it fround.
Yeah.
I wonder though, like aesthetically, is that going to look too clean?
It's gonna look like a perfect parent, like the parent who spends too much time on the sandwich, right right, and your kid just wants beans.
We all know children just kind of on a bag of beans at school. They want to be the kid at school who brought beans.
They want the lunch that Uncle Buck packed. I don't know. It was like disgusting and all the kids just got the lunch tavel And then he opens up. He's like, anybody want to trade? And all the kids go, and all the chairs go.
There's like smoke from the speeding off. Wow, So is that what happens to Uncle Buck? He's a bad parent.
Uncle, but he's the uncle and he has to take over as the parent. And he doesn't know what he's doing. He's gambling, he's going bowling.
He knows exactly what he's doing.
Yeah, he's it's the greatest movie of all time.
What happened to the parents?
Uh?
They had to go to Indianapolis because Uh, one of the dad had a heart attack.
The grandpa and that's the nearest. Oh the grandpa, so had to go.
They just moved to Chicago. Oh god, teenager the teenager was like, well, maybe maybe he wouldn't have a heart attack if wouldn't move, or like she's just like she's moving. Yeah, she's mad about moving. She's not really fitting in in the suburbs of Chicago.
The grand the stress gave the grandpa heart attack.
Yeah, where kids? Yeah this stress?
What are we supposed to take away from this movie?
Uncle Buck Got his life together?
And it's Macaulay Culkin is the he's the kid pre Home Alone?
Yes, interesting, right before Home Alone. And Gabby Hoffman.
Gabby Hoffman, Oh my god, wow, is she the sister?
She's the sister? Well, I mean she's not the teenager. Then there's a teenager who's like it was like a crush of mine growing up.
Who is it?
Oh?
No, oh her car is over.
Yeah, I feel like she's in things. But she kind of has like an Elizabeth shoe, like the like she'd be like the mean Elizabeth shoe.
Okay. The only like teen I can remember from that period that was always kind of the surly teen is Juliet Lewis. Yeah, she's always kind of like annoyed that something was happening in the family, and she was cool and she was always cool, but an outcast about an outcast and a scientologist. Yeah, and so that kind of fed into every movie that she was.
Yes.
Wow, So this was an early tease for Macaulay being kind of left by his parents. They saw him in this movie, said, people love to see this child about his parents.
That was the genre.
Yeah, let's build another movie around this concept.
I wonder if he did any other.
Interesting I wonder if he got kind of typecast.
Yeah, what was the one that he did, The party Monster one?
Oh, do his parents leave town and he becomes the party monster?
It's like, absolutely those parents weren't around from what I remember.
Let him go to the limelight. Yeah, and then he becomes a that's a true story, right, he's like a murderer.
I think so again my memory. I mean, he wants me to watch it again.
It's very Home Alone in a way. He's like left to his own devices and then is hurting people that.
I think it's the follow up to Home Alone. I think what happens is just like, well, my parents abandoned me, and then he just becomes a mon star in platform shoes. Yeah.
Wow, there's that. There's Richie rich I don't know what happens to the parents, and that people liked, Well, the.
Parents aren't available. Yes, I feel like the butler or somebody is his friend. And then I know and then the other the other kids come over and he's got Oh god, that was such like an aspirational.
Oh yeah, he's like the sling shot that shoots you across the yard or whatever. Where are the parents? They have to go to Dubai.
Where were the parents? So they leave again they must, even if they're on the other side of the mansion, you're not seeing them for.
A while, right, They're just too busy with their own money. And then Richie rich God knows where his money's coming from.
Yeah.
I remember when I was a PA early in LA I had to go around to different like places that props or whatever. And I remember being in a place that created must have been like fake magazines or something, but they had one framed on the wall that was I think it was Time or Busy this Insider, And I had Macaulay Culkin from that movie and it said chair Boy of the Board, so it was obviously from that movie. I want that in my own house. Wow, yeah, great, fake man.
I have to get that way hold on. I gotta get that as a gift.
I am I just leaving well, I mean, speaking of gifts, I mean you brought it up. There's something I'd like to talk to you about. I'm not comfortable getting into this topic at all. It's something I rarely have to do, so I hate that you've put me in this position. I was excited to have you here today on the podcast. I thought mo will come by, I'll brag about my skunk story, She'll leave feeling less than and we'll move on with our lives. So I was a little surprised. It was a little shocked, I'll be honest, when I saw you come trotting in holding a gift bag the podcast is called. I said, no gifts. We have, you know, mutual friends who have been on the podcast before you obviously received emails. I assumed you would get it. So I don't know what's the meaning of this gift.
I mean, when you become a parent, okay, and you start having to go to all of these parties, you feel like such an idiot when you come empty handed, and a lot of these birthday parties they tell you, hey, no gifts, right, And I'm like, I always feel really bad for the kid. And I know they're just trying to be good for the environment or whatever. But all these LA parties they say do not bring gifts, and I'm the only one that comes in Santa Claus herself with a nice shiny truck for little Johnny.
Okay, so you kind of just feel like this is an extension of that behavior. Yes, well it's in this beautiful mushroom bag. Should I open it here on the podcast?
I mean, I would love for you too.
Okay, let's get into it here. Let's see here, we've got some tissue and we're reaching in, we're pulling out. Oh, so we're looking at a piece of clothing. Here, it's some sort of t shirt. Oh, it's a twenty twenty two champions the City of Burbank ball. Oh basketball, Yes, this.
Is clearly.
I saw a net beneath, which is based obviously a basketball net, but my brain immediately jumped to volleyball. I think it's because volleyball is a sport that scares me most.
Yeah, it is scary. That ball comes very it's bad.
So it's terrifying to me. No, this is basketball. Were you on this team?
Okay? So because I'm in Burbank right now at the studio. I thought to myself, listen, I don't know if you've ever won a championship, especially a rec league basketball with women who are all over the age of thirty five basically walking down the court. But I have, and I know what it feels like to be a winner. And I wanted you to have that same feeling. And I can't wait to see you wearing that around town.
Interesting assumption that you would think that I've never won anything accurate, but a big swing on your part. I would say, I'm not trying to think if I've won any sport thing ever. No, I have gone trophies.
What are the trophies for?
Well, I was on im from you. I was on the Junior Jazz for a few years, and you know they would give you a trophy regardless of skill level or comprey. Yes, whatever you added to the team.
Was John Sockton your coach?
I wish, my god, I would have loved to have John stocks as a coach. He was my hero, fellow short person. He's short, right, yeah.
Well, he's also a guy that like he's just one of those guys that if he's wearing regular clothes. You're like, there's no way this man plays basketball. And I love people like that. You're like, there's absolutely no way.
He looks like a math professor. Does maybe not even I would say like a high school math teacher. He just kind of jeans and a bad shirt.
Yeah, he looks like and he looks like he's always looked like a dad when he was like twenty one, like a.
Dad forever fifty and but a very good point guard. Yes, one of the all time great acting like I know how one.
Of the all time great volleyball basketball players is he?
Currently? He kind of coaches now right, I'm.
Not sure what he's up to. I think he occasionally I will do a little Google search of John Stockton, Yeah, of John Stockton, or like players where I'm like, what what do you do after retirement?
Yeah? Usually you either from what my experience, you coach, or you open a car dealership, right, or a restaurant, Oh, restaurant Johnson?
Yeah, Michael Jordan, in which I always was confused by because I'm like, all these guys ever did was eat concessions. That shows what do these guys know about?
Food?
Always is still a thing I think it's in the Denver International Airport that I.
Think that is like the exact timeline of a basketball player. They start the business, it succeeds for a little while, but then it's no longer successful enough to stand on its own. It moves to an airport, right, yes, and then eventually dies.
It does. And I don't even think with the car dealerships, I feel like, I mean, it's really funny to think of a popular play like Lebron all of a sudden as car dealerships. It's become Now they're like media moguls, oh yeah, or even on the lowest level, become social media like eat my gummies.
Yeah, that is kind of the new thing, right, Like if you were a famous athlete in the nineties you had a car dealership, and now you have it all right, because I I'll go home on occasion and there's still the Carl Malone car Dealership and it has a very funny sign because it says on the side it says Carl Malone's Body and Paint. But if you just see the first few letters, it just seems like a business that's for Carl Malon's body.
But it's like an attraction of roadside attraction.
It's like a King tut situation. He's just lying in a coffin or whatever. It's not a bad idea. After Carl passes, yes, it could tour Him'll bring it to his people. Who was your team growing up?
The Bulls?
Oh are you from Chicago?
Yeah, I'm from Illinois.
Yeah, so we really had a rivalry. We did, Yeah, because there was a point when the Jazz were good, right, extremely good, almost good enough.
Yeah, you know, I moved to Chicago basically when the Bulls became really bad, right after all the championships. Yeah, so it was it was tough, but then I became I don't know, then I was like, well now I'm a fan, and even bigger fan.
Yeah, because you're rote have something to root.
Yeah, And then you know, you get to that point where you're in your early twenties and I'm like, what am I doing watching all these games?
Like nobody's I'm not getting anything, No one's moving forward. They're just losing game after game, and.
I'm just spending the hours. And I remember I used to watch the Bears games and like when I was in college and I would just be like at my apartment watching them by myself in my room, and I'm like, like watching these people live their dreams and I'm like, it's not outside. No, I got to go play frisbee golf.
Do you play frisbee golf?
I really want to.
Okay, have you ever done it?
I've tossed it around a few times, but I'm not in a real way.
Okay, that's a big thing in the valley here, isn't it. People play a lot of frisbee golf around here.
I would love to try.
Am I just assuming that because there's enough space in Burbank.
To I know? I really I feel like that's true. Yeah, this is the only place in LA that it's happening.
No, I feel like frisbee golf is something I could do.
That's that's why I want to do it, because I also have the same feeling about myself.
That's a good slogan for frisbee golf. It's something you could do.
It's something even you could do.
It just really nags you from the beginning, something even you could do. And do you play it on like golf courses?
It's like a in a park.
I believe.
Okay, you're bothering people.
You're bothering people. Yeah, kids are getting.
Hit in like you're getting in the way of picnics. Yeah, people are just trying to mind their own business instead of they're in the middle of your game. Even you can do this, and I guess it's just like golf, where like two people can play at a time.
I don't know, Like I feel like you could have a few people because then you each treat it like a hole or whatever.
I don't know, but you don't need a lot of people.
No, I think you can play solo.
Oh, now that feels sad.
It is.
That's tough.
Well, it's like you're practicing then and right, you're practicing for this. It's kind of like when you're going to the pick a ball court as you do it, just like yeah, I've seen like people do that and I'm like, come on, we can we gotta get out of this.
Find somebody put a post on Craigslist or something. Maybe a pickleball.
Can't practice pickleball?
How possibly you hit it against a wall?
No, okay, there are two courts. When I was like playing, I would go with my wife and we go with our friends. There always to be this woman that had the whole court. So she is taking up an entire pickleball right now.
It's selfish and said, yeah.
Yeah, and I'm just and you can't obviously you can't like move her, so.
But I don't even understand. So she's just like hitting it over the net and going in.
Yes, she had like a well she had like a bucket of balls.
Oh, okay, that could be done anywhere. You don't need the court to do that alone.
Yeah, she could also do it on There are plenty of basketball courts and nobody was playing basketball.
In your living room. Yeah, keep us out of it, keep us out of it selfish loser, Yeah, totally unfair. Wait, so in twenty twenty two, you were on this team.
Yes, I'm still on that team.
Okay, And how are you guys doing?
Now?
We won last season as well.
Wow, you're dominating.
We did have a three pet Oh my god, congrats, thank you. Where do you play It's at the All of Recreational Center. It's like right and Burbank.
Okay, yeah, and do you have a coach?
No, No, it's just it's wreck basketball. I've been playing in this league, that league for like over ten years I think at this point. So we've been a team at this point, we just can't leave. We've been playing together for so long, and we look so bad. Like when teams, like younger teams will come in, they're like, I'm about to beat these like little up. Yeah. Literally, did they know we've been playing together so long that your marine?
Yeah, of course you know everything about each other. Wow, did you play in high school or college?
I played in high school, I played in I played one year of junior college basketball.
So you must be pretty good.
No, I mean I was when I was like twenty.
But you're a three people.
I mean, come on, I'm on the team.
Yeah, what's your position on the thing is?
You don't practice as like a rec league? You know, you have your you basically you live your life during the week, and then you come in. You don't stretch and you so around. It's so dangerous.
So you all just show up having done your own homework and hope things work out.
Yeah, and you have you know, this is my retirement year, this five, I'm retiring from recreational basket.
You have to make an announcement.
Well, I'm making it an entire documentary.
Way are you currently filming?
And I'm and it's Natalie Grace is in it. She's on my team.
She's really kept to herself.
Yeah, she won't put her birth year on the forms, she.
Won't sign the release. Yeah, it's holding up the documentary.
It really is.
We just to blur her out, a small blur just all over the court.
It's been really difficult. It takes so long to edit.
People have had to pull her aside and say, Natalie, you are ruining the documentary.
And she's just the thing is, she's a beast on the court, and she gets a triple double every game.
We're rooting for her.
Yeah, we are.
She's the you know, you always start documentary thinking this is gonna be the subject and then you find the story and this is an Italia's this is it.
I'm in a back seat.
Now, how long have you been shooting this documentary for like two.
And a half years?
Oh my god, this is what happened is I.
I started to film it during this season and it was going to be our big you know, Okay, we're going to be We're we want to win the championship. And we were by far the worst team and we kept getting beat by thirty points and then forty points and we're so bad that I was like, well, I can't go out like this, and so then I tried another seat. So now I'm basically on my third retirement season.
So oh so in that first season you said this is the last time.
Yeah, I thought that was going to be the last one, and then the next one. And now I've actually stooped to paying players. I'm going to be paying some player salaries.
Can I ask what you're paying them?
I'll give them as it depends on how good they are. But I'm my plan is to give them like an envelope of two hundred dollars and see if that's enough.
Just kind of watch their face as they open it.
Yeah, see how they and see if they If that's enough, I guess.
So when is the do you know when the final game is?
Yeah, it's probably going to be in maybe July or something. I'd love for you to come.
I will be there. Okay, great, put it on my calendar, send me an invite. Amazing, holyst write this down. I've got to go to this game. I will be there. I'm going to be the final shot of this documentary.
Yes, you are just going to be all of a sudden, You're in the game.
Scoring the game winning points. The first time I've ever been valuable to a basketball team.
Amazing, amazing, ending.
Do you guys have a team name?
Let's see, I'm trying to I we were the ninety nine Bowls because it was like the worst team mystery. But I've been calling the documentary Last Chance Me. Okay, so maybe it'll be called the Last Chance Me. I would love I mean, even your listeners, if anybody has a good idea for a team name. We have until April.
Okay, we've got until April. Yeah for a team name. I'm going to start brain and storm everything. The Bridgers.
I love it.
It's decent thought, but it's like, why not get the name out there? I love it.
I've become a sponsor of a women's basketball team.
The Curious Cases, the Natalie Graces. The names are right here for you to take it.
You're right, it's gonna be a hard decision.
Ninety nine Bowls. I like that name. So ninety eight they were okay, yeah they won, Okay, yeah, that must have been when I stopped watching.
Yeah, then a goat Yeah. Then it was like they have to root for a whole new team.
And I kind of just lost interest at that point. And as you said, now every year I promise myself, I'm going to get back into watching basketball, and then don't do it, then regret it.
It's there are a lot of game games in a basketball.
Season of games, and now WNBA and NBA there's double the amount of games to watch.
Well, the women will play as many, but so yeah, so if you want like a smaller yeah, and they play in the problem for me is that they play in the summer. Oh, and I'm like, there's so much to do in the summer.
That's a bad schedule. It is.
I think they should be the same.
Time, get more eyes on it during the fall.
I think it should be like an opener closer situation in the NBA, like where sometimes the WNBA closes. Maybe it's the same.
Day, Right, you have to sit through two full basketball games, right, that's not a bad idea. That's kind of the only way you can do that to double up on the schedule. Yeah, summer. I can't imagine sitting around at night during the summer watching game after game after game.
Well, I was gifted before the WNBA kind of and I'm so happy, blew up.
And yeah it's really exploded less incredible.
But the season before that, I got a season tickets for my birthday. Is a gift. And I love watching basketball. I mean, I'm wearing a Sparks hat right now.
I say, yes, like, I know, I have no idea what these teams are.
And I got even I, like a huge basketball fan, went to maybe two of those games because I'm like, you have to plan your entire schedule around that.
It's an event. It's more than like going to the opera. Right, you have to drive somewhere. It takes up hours and hours that parking.
Is Yeah, the parking.
Where did they play?
You have at Staple Center at a crypto dot com arena.
That's a long way to go.
Yes, you have to find something in purple to wear.
Of course you can't not in purple. You can't ejected from the game immediately. Yeah, and how many games a week are they playing?
Well, they don't. It just depends on how many home games they have. But it was enough where I was like this isn't worth the money.
Wow?
Yeah, okay, And I'm not the type of person I'm really bad at being like Okay, well, I'll sell them this week or like my job.
I'm like, no, yeah, that seems now that I'm thinking about it, it seems like it's such a luxurious thing to have season passes. But now that's the most stressful thing I can imagine it is. It's just like the planning, don't do guilt, Yeah, the worry.
And it's like, oh, I got to be in town for this. Oh I was gonna go to my sister's wedding, but I have a Sparks game to go.
Owning a dog, it is less rewarding they should. Yeah, yeah, I think it's more just find the games you want to go to, go to them, don't go to them.
I like one game a year, that's really all I need to go to. Wow one Yeah, okay, in all sports. One game, I'm like, I don't need.
It's about ten times the amount I need to go to. I see like the traffic going to a Dodgers game, and I think that would be a once in a lifetime activity for me.
The game is getting into the game, it's parking, it's it's the whole hassle of getting getting your hot dog, getting your Dodger dog. All of that requires so much more than the actual game itself.
Is a Dodger dog different than a regular hot dog.
I think it's just longer. Okay, but here we go again. It's coming out of the side of the bun.
I'm want rubbing against my up against my hands. Hey, two hands like a corn on the co just eating the bund. So it's just longer. And are they building the gondola? Have you been tracking this at all? Not at all, none of us. Apparently we don't want the gondola being built. Where something moron is trying to build a gondola from I think Griffith Park to Dodger Stadium.
Wait, that's long, right, Yeah, I.
Think that's quite a way. How do you even keep that up in the wait?
So, if they're going from Griffith Park to Dodger Stadium, they're just going over the highway.
I think so.
And obviously I don't know that much and I'm just making things up, but that would be exciting. But I think we're not supposed to want this. It's kind of Olympics vibes where it's like this just seems like a wasteful thing that there's probably a better solution.
But it's going over people's houses.
It's going over people's houses. It's running into birds, yes, scaring people in their cars, just screaming as you drive down the one. A one that seems extremely dangerous. Even if it's a short distance. A gondola is dangerous. It could fall to the ground at any time.
And also, have you ever had fun in a gondole? As anyone?
I'm having a blast. It's a thrill ride slowly moving down a cable.
It's just like whoa, oh my god, look how high we are? Oh my god, wait, there's my car.
I will say. The gondola. Have you been up the one in Palm Springs?
You know, that's the one I do want to go on. It's exhilarating because I don't remember it unless it's it's on the way out of town basin.
Yes, yes, it's kind of the first thing you see as went on. I've been on it.
I was like, who goes on that? People like sighting?
And I had such a good time. It's kind of scary. M's it feels old enough that something could happen, so you're a little like, oh, this is exciting. And then you get up to the top of the mountain and it's no longer desert a, it's more mountain a, which is it's such a Jurassic shift from Palm Springs.
And do you get out at the top.
You get out at the top, and I think there are hiking options. My boyfriend refused, so we kind of just had to sit in the lodge and wait to go back, kind of watch people eat like Dorito's and probably Dodger dog style food, and then you go back down and you are there seats of like a weird lodge at the top or.
Like but like I mean when you're in the ganda or in the gondola, I believe you stand and how many people are in there with you, I'm going.
To estimate eight to ten. Okay, that feels about right.
So this is like a nightmare elevator ride, is what I'm hearing. If that thing get that's how you choose to look at yehs, which I do.
I kind of see it as a little uh, a little splurge, a little vacation, a little cruise.
I appreciate that you're going out there and you're doing that. The attractions in Palm Springs.
I think that's the one I've ever done. Oh, I've done that, and then I've done There used to be a thing called robot lights. Are you familiar with this? No, this thing was incredible. This was one of the weirdest things I've ever experienced. There's a an artist. I guess that's what he is out there, some sort of thing. Uh, And I think he comes from wealth and owns a house in a nice neighborhood. But decades ago, I think, started collecting garbage and things like this and turning them into structures in his backyard, giant robotic structures, spray painting them, turning them into all sorts of robots and things. And every year during the holidays he would open it up and you could go wander through it.
Oh wow.
Obviously I think that bothered the neighbors because he's just literally in a neighborhood, and some annoying neighbor got it closed down. So but it was kind of the thing you would do in Palm Springs during the holidays.
Oh, that's fun.
I have to imagine all that garbage is still there. Yeah, it's I imagine if you weremoving a bunch of toxins fly into the air and kill the neighbors.
It's out of the closet a thrift store.
He just donated it all to the good will. Yeah, what do you do with it? Like a spray painted Oregon and t Rex that you found in the trash? But I think he might do private tours now. So those are the two things I've ever done in the two spring.
Well, I've been to the date farm. Date farm.
He loves to go to the date farm.
But I overdosed on dates because I've never had one since I had a date shake. I've had a date shake, yeah, and then I had I like bought dates there because it just feels like you know when you go to one of those places and you're like they have all the things, Like when you go into a fudge store and I'm like any other time in my life, but you're like on Macina Island or something, and you're like, Okay, I guess I'm meeting fudge now, and you have to buy a brick of it and then you just have it.
You always buy too much fudge, Yeah, you can't. You should probably buy like the size of a stamp of fudge and you'll have enough. But you buy the thing that's literally like you can build a home with us, and then you're like, well, I'm sick of this flavor.
And my mom always gets it. She goes on vacation, go's like Door County, Wisconsin, and she'll get me these bricks of fudge, and I'm just like, I like, I hate to say it, but I'm like, there's chocolate at the store, and I don't want to put anyone out of business here.
I mean, my feeling with fudge is you just ask for a sample, then you leave the store. You've had enough, yes, yeah, but again we don't want are.
You ever guilty? Are you ever samples? I get like, even with frozen yogurt, it's just like you. And then I go, well, like because then you do that thing where you lie and you go I'll be back. I just have a show and then I'll come back. I just don't want to eat, and then you're lying.
I often do that with like small boutiques or like local stores that have stylish but two expensive goods and they're small, and it's like you you're the only person in the store, and of course you're not going to buy anything, so then you have to say I'll be back next weekend, Yes, be back yeah, I've liked to so many small business owners.
Getting on the phone. Hold on one second, Oh, you have to go right now. Okay, I was just gonna buy this. Let me just put this down. Okay, I'll be back next weekend.
I'm getting in an ambulance. I don't feel guilty in a frozen yogurt place because I feel like it's usually a giant corporation.
Yeah, and it doesn't take a lot to make the frozen yogurt.
Right, It's essentially powder and water.
Yeah, but to do it anyway, it's I will gain twenty pounds to I don't know why this is, Like, I think that is where my people pleasing comes through. Is just some places like this.
Where it's absolutely meaningless.
Yeah it is. And I'm like, okay, well, I guess I'm buying the shelf because the store's small. Yeah.
I like, I'll get trapped in that cycle. And what I do is I remind myself of when I had jobs like that that were just kind of part time or whatever. I'll remember like, oh, I didn't care what the customer did.
Either, That's true.
I wanted them to go away. Yeah, I was like when they left, I was happy.
Yeah, you're not getting paid any different unless it's like the owner of the frozen.
That's where we run into traps.
Which I have been friends with owners of frozen yogurt shops. Brag, Yeah it's not a big deal.
Ah yeah, How did we get to frozen yoga sample?
We always will, we always do.
We were talking about fudge. I have completely again memory, It's just absolutely there's no I would have to spend the next half hour trying to uh trace back to how we got to this product, to this conversation.
Impossible.
I interesting, we start with basketball, we end up in frozen yogurt. Kind of a tale as old as time. I would say, is there anybody on your team that's also in comedy.
On my Sunday team? I don't think so. Okay, it's mostly just yeah, just pros at their lives. Like there we have a mother daughter oh on our team.
Is there any rivalry between the two of them?
No, but like sometimes you know, you you see you see the mothering sometimes.
Interesting, just like you know, I can't imagine being on a team with a parent.
I first of all, I would immediately I just know myself. I'd immediately yell at my mom that she's doing something wrong, of course, and I don't wouldn't do that in real life, but in back basketball, I'm just like, immediately, please go sit on the bench. You're embarrassing me. Stop talking about the day I was born. Had you ever been on a team with a family member.
There's no chance. I mean, first of all, none of us are good at sports, so that I had to tell me a sport, and then I'll think of which family member.
It's going to be volley basketball, and you played basketball with a volleyball. That's the only difference.
And it can be a parent or a sibling. Yes, I wish one family member had athletic skill. I'm going I guess I would have to say out of all of those, probably my dad is the most has probably played some type of sport in his life. The rest of us are absolutely worthless as far as athletics go.
How many are there?
I have three siblings, they and my mom and dad, and I can say with confidence that all three of my siblings are horrible at sports.
Yeah, I think it's good to be bad at sports. You say, so, as you get older, you're like, what do I need that for?
To have a nice time. I would love to have a nice time, and I'm simply not allowed.
You're not allowed.
You're right, Although I now, like the older I get. I see friends getting severely injured playing basketball, yes, which never even occurred to me. Like they're like real horrible injuries where they end up with a surgery or whatever.
I've seen, Like I play basketball outside sometimes with mostly male comedians, and I have seen a guy boom both teeth out.
Oh.
Like as an actor, you know, you're just like say goodbye. Yeah. He What I'm saying is he is an actor, not me. Like as an actor, I can't imagine. I'm just like, okay, now, it's hard enough to be an actor in you have a.
Forced retirement, yeah, or you're in a new lane, you're a new sort of character and chef, you're now the hill pit lay. Yeah, I've like people have. I guess you break your ankle, people of broken bones. I don't even know how. I guess you just land too hard.
There's a lot that it just feels a lot harder as you get older. I got an injury last year and I just started a new job. Oh and I couldn't move my neck. Oh, and keep in mind. I've gone through childbirth. The worst pain I've ever been and in my life was this neck injury. I went to the er twice, couldn't wait in the line, oh, and was like it took a week. I don't even really know how it ended up getting back. But I started this new job, so I was like in the writer's room and then I had to be like, I have to go. I can't move my neck. And it was just one of those things where you start a job and they immediately think like, well, she's not reliable, and I'm like, I swear to go my neck. I can't. I can't move my neck.
Did you have to wear a neck Brice?
I didn't have to, but I did.
That's a hard thing to start a job in a neck, Brice.
I did it for fun, okay, yeah? And I had to get driven to work. It was like, yeah, it was bad.
How did you injure your neck?
It was from basketball. This girl's like playing really aggressively.
I hate this person, I know, and I was like, and I kept telling you.
Stop bumping into me. Like she's probably like fifteen years younger than me though, and she's just a.
Bully stand classic bully behavior. Oh, she's going to injure more people. Yeah, someone's got to stop her. I'm going to find her.
Thank you.
That'll be the last shot of your documentary, the serving her papers for your lawsuit. I'm happy to let me know if you need me to surve I. Yes, I will track her down.
And this is my lawyer. I bring one ever game.
While you're sitting in the car in a neck brace, I'm tracking her down. Well, is there anything left to say about this T shirt? I can't believe I'm taking I mean, do you I hope you have another at home?
I mean, I just I have so many of T shirts like that, but I have only given it to one person, and that's you.
Oh what an honor? Yeah, and it is now kind of stolen valor. People are going to be like that. Yeah. People are gonna start talking about me and saying Bridger didn't win.
Anything, didn't win that women's league.
Yeah people, Uh, this could lead to my downfall. But I'll wear it proudly. Maybe I'll wear this to the gym and chill.
Off on the weights machine, and I.
Feel like this will be long on me. I won't even have to wear shorts. I can just go to the gym in this a pair of shoes. That'll be a new look for me.
I imagine you go to them and I like that.
Just it's kind of like when you're eight, sleep like pajamas, you just wear a really long T shirt and shirt. Oh my god, that's gonna be me.
My daughter just wears she usually just wears a shirt of ours, but she's kind of fancy and she has to wear like she wear like eight silk collared shirt.
Like, Okay, do you feel like meeting raising a kid in La brings us out? In them? They're just surrounded by other fancy children, And.
I think it's rebellion against me. Oh interesting, like she sees how I dress, huh, and she's and then like her my wife's mom is dress is beautiful every day, okay, And I think she sees her and she she was like her rebellion against me is like I'm not going to dress like I'm going to be your mother lesbian. I'm not dressing like an LA lesbian like you.
I wonder if either of my parents' dress affected the way I dressed. And I've got to I'm gonna get back into that trying to think of interesting.
I think I probably dress like my dad, who is like an ex con, and there are times where I'm wearing like a cutoff tank top and oh interesting.
Yeah, I do feel like, uh, like your parents. If you just imagine what they wore on a vacation twenty five to thirty years ago, that's usually what's in style. Yeah, so you just like find some old family photos from roughly that time period, that's what you should be wearing.
That's absolutely right. I feel like people wear that on stage. Like I will see people and stand up doing stand up with a Hawaiian shirt and they just look like they're on vacation.
Yes, I think it's a safe rule of clothing. Just find a picture from what would it be at this point. I guess it would be like ninety five to two thousand. Yeah, well we're mom and dad wearing.
I don't want those puffy shorts to come back though, that women would wear. They were like khaki shorts that kind of went down to your knees and then there was a big puff right here, and then there was a skinny belt and my mom used to wear those.
It's unbelievable that anybody ever thought this is the way we should go fashion.
No, my god, that's not where I want the puff literally anywhere, but they are actually that puff is No one's on board with that puff.
No, but women across the nation had it.
They had that, and then they because then the shirt is a little bit tighter, the glasses are big.
Well, brace yourself.
But hey, my mom had five kids, so it worked.
You have four siblings, brothers or sisters. I have one brother, okay, yeah, are you the youngest child, I.
Am the second oldest. Okay yeah?
Are the rest of your siblings good at sports?
Let me see. No, my youngest sister, Kim, she played soccer, okay, and then maybe my middle sister would play volleyball. But but we were not. I mean, my my youngest sister was exceptional, but we weren't. The other kids weren't getting by.
Yeah bye.
Yeah. My brother, Oh, my brother was on the badminton team.
Okay, this is a sport I could be good at.
Yeah, and he was on the they didn't have it was the girls badminton team because they didn't have one for.
Yeah, and can I ask them as your brother's sexuality, he's gay. I was hoping for a turn. I was hoping for a big boy.
Well, I was, I was gonna let you I was gonna let it be known when I said he went from badminton to be in a furry and so I was like, I think you're gonna know.
Your brother's a furry. Yeah, that's incredible. Yeah, I've never uh, I've never known a furry or someone. I've never been this close to a furry before. Yes, did you watch the evolution? Like how did this unfold?
I did?
So.
He used to be like he had so many stuffed animals growing up.
Okay, I was like tracking, tracking, tracking, No, he was, there's like an app okay, and you have an avatar, right, and it kinda like I don't really know a lot about Pokemon culture, but it kind of reminds me of it's like.
Feels adjacent to it. Okay, sure, And so he had his avatar and he's a dragon named Sin that's Hyanne okay, big red dragon. And so he was that for a long time.
Not furry, by the way. Interesting, it's a scaly creature.
Thank you.
Sorry brother, Sorry.
But you're wrong.
Canceled cancer, removed from the furry community. So he okay, So he was on an app with a red dragon and it was four furries.
Yeah, it was a furry app. And and so you have your avatar. And then he had that forever because it costs a lot of money to get the suits made, so that he finally and I want to say, it takes a year to get it made from because you design it with somebody. Wow, and it's sent off. It was made in Japan.
Wow. How much does that cost?
It was at least five thousand dollars.
Wow.
And his boyfriend now husband.
Is old wolf? Okay wolf? Yeah? And does the wolf have a name?
I forgot his name. I'm such a bad sister in law.
They must have a good sense of humor about.
This, Yeah, they do. And I've also like when I talk about it, I asked my brother if I can talk about.
Okay, right, Yeah, I would love if you were just throwing him under the bus right now, just.
The more amazing. Yeah. And if I when I've said it, like on stage, I always ask him and I go over the joke with him because I don't want because because I feel like furries are bullied, right, so I don't want to be just another person bullying without permission.
You will ask the victim first. Yes, yeah, wow, And do you know how he landed on the dragon or so? I have so many questions and I don't even know where to begin.
So but sorry, I just kind of threw this out like it's a incredible refurry.
I could have just gotten into badminton and now we've got this. Yeah. First of all, does he still play badminton.
I don't know if he does, but he's genuinely really good. I played him once and it was it's scary. It actually became kind of like tennis. It was it was.
It was no longer a safe game. Yeah, it wasn't fun, Okay, I don't like to hear that. I like badminton to be a safe space where kind of fluttering exactly.
I want to be a backyard game.
I want it to be a game four gay man. Yes, but he got on the app and then they had little red dragon avatar for him to pick, and then he designed the costume from that.
I'm not sure if he ohoped it or if he like designed it. I'm not sure exactly sure how that worked. I just remember he showed me the like basically blueprints of the design when he sent it to Japan, and then he sent me photos of it being made.
Wow. Yeah, And as I assume it's an impressive costume, it is, it is impressed.
I'm not sure how like when he travels, I think he so he has a special suitcase for the head, right, and how we tried to do it with the straightcase. It's literally impossible.
Did the suitcase have to be custom made?
I think it's like he bought it. It's like a special dragon. It's like remember those big hat boxes. Yeah, it's like that.
It's kind of that.
I love you, brother, He's really sweet.
Did he kind of have to come out as a furry to you?
I kind of knew he was living with me when he was doing that, And we watched MTV True Life I'm a Furry, Oh when it came out, and we used to always like someone would someone said in it, I'm a furry, and so we always like like when we would answer the phone, we'd always be like, I'm a furry. And so I guess it started as us bullying True Life, and then he actually got into it.
Great. Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen an episode of True Life, and every one of them sounds amazing Yeah, where do I find those? They must be streaming somewhere.
I think that should bring that show back. It was pretty incredible.
Yeah, after they're airing The Curious Case in Natalie Grace. Yeah, cancel.
It's basically day in the Life, you know sort of thing.
Oh, I'm that's what I'm going to start watching. I need something to watch on TV.
You can watch it on Paramount Plus.
Episodes are old. I think they're all. There was only three seasons. I felt like it went on forever though.
When it on three seasons, probably about fifty episodes each. I assume maybe I'll sign up for Paramount Plus for a week for you should for this.
Yeah, it'll take just one one week for three seasons.
Wow, I'm really excited for your brother. Then is there anything in his future where he'll stop being a dragon?
Maybe if he wins the lottery and he can get another it's just more of a cost Yeah, I'm trying to make it big in Hollywood so that I can get him a new costume.
Oh that's very sweet.
Yeah, instead of like buying my family house, I really just want to get him another animal.
Have a custom made, yeah costume. Would you get to pick the costume over course, Yeah, what would you pick?
Not a fox because I've been told that foxes are slutty.
He's a married man, now right, yeah right, you don't want to ruin the marriage?
Should we do? Yeah? I mean, oh, I feel like a bunny would be. I've seen a bunny, and I'm like, the bunnies are kind of fun.
Bunny also feels like I could get into some slutty territory.
Yeah, but also you could be the easter bunny at the mall if they oh, it's like a plan b it's your safety Yeah, it's your safety net.
Just throw a vest on it and give it a pocket watch. Kids can sit on its lap.
What is it with rabbits and pocket watches? Get an Apple watch.
They're busy, busy, busy. Do they still do rabbits at the mall? Interesting?
Yes, they do, because they do. They do it the Americana.
Okay, they must be better than when I was a kid.
They're still weird.
It's a hard costume to make, it is and they it's.
Usually a white bunny, right, which is number one wrong? And their feet are always so dirty because it's wealthy.
There's no way to keep those cleany.
I know I feel bad for them, but I'm just like, this is disgusting.
Just put boots on them or something.
Shield your eyes, daughter.
Although I guess if you put boots on a rabbit, then it starts to look sexy and then it's like we're sending the real Yeahjessica, rabbit, did you believe in the I did, but for a shorter period of time than Santa Claus.
It's completely unbelievable that a life size rabbit would be.
It's a hard one to like keep that fantasy alive. Santa Claus sure, just an old man. Even the Tooth Fairy. It seems like kind of a humanoid creature. The rabbit, It's like, I've never seen anything resembling this. What could its motive be? Where is We never really found out where it was coming from?
Yeah, where does it live?
That feels like an easy detail to nail down for parents.
It's like exactly, I mean, there's in the mouth pole is the meadow Montana? If you told me, can I tell you? Can I tell you a big piece the news that happened today.
I would love it's on subject.
My daughter, who is five, lost her tooth, her first tooth this morning.
So what's the plan moving forward?
Her tooth fairy was, Yeah, well, first of all, with Santa, we never we never like talked about it, only out of like laziness, and so she doesn't really care about it, so she doesn't really asked a lot of questions, okay, And so I'm like, well, I feel like, I don't know, it feels weird now that she's five to all of a sudden and be like, no, there's a man that comes into our house and gives you presents.
You know, yeah, you kind of have to let like the frog boil in that situations.
They have to believe it. Young. Yeah, we didn't ask any questions, and so we were just like, never said anything.
So does Santa come at Christmas?
Like this year we put some gifts that said from Santa, but like she never asked one question. She's psychological effect, it really is. She's going to be so confused, tell me anything. They're like, it never came up.
So the tooth fairy, now you have to decide.
So the tooth fairy, I'm trying to figure out what people do because a dollar just seems like who cares.
That's the other thing where like as a kid, I would have been like a quarter seems like a lot of money.
Yeah, and you used cash, you went down to seven to eleven and you could get a slurpy or whatever.
But now what does that mean?
We asked her what she wants, Oh, no, classic, and she said a chocolate coin. Oh, like we can do that.
Yeah, that's probably more valuable than an actual coin.
Yeah, And I don't know what to give her under her pillow that would make it exciting for her, right because this is an only child who gets whatever she wants.
Anyway, nothing's going to be impressive.
Nothing is impressive unless we have, you know, a writing job.
Right exactly, I guess. And then I feel like with the Tooth Fairy, it always like kind of peters out, like there's a few teeth get lost and a little bit of money is given, and then the parent's like, okay, do you.
Know why it happens all at once where Christmas is spread out so interesting? Right, and she's like, losing your teeth all within like a year and a half or.
Happens pretty quickly, right, which is also terrifying to think about.
Yeah, imagine it's like things, Yeah, it is actually and if.
Nobody prepared you for that, you'd be like, what is happening to my body? I'm dying.
I thought she had a seed cut stuck in her mouth and then realize there's another tooth that was coming and it and.
Yeah, what's happening in the mouth is just a horrifying mystery to everyone.
It's disgusting. I remember, it feels like, you know, they get their teeth, it's a huge ordeal. It's so painful for them. And then the next thing you know, they're falling out and you're like, god, I hope it doesn't fall in the tub, Like, I hope we have the tooth. And then my wife told me this morning, I'm keeping the teeth, and I'm like, you're collecting the teeth. You're going to be one of those people collecting the teeth.
Yes, most a lot of parents collect at least a few of the teeth. Right.
I feel really emotional that she lost her tooth, But there's no way in hell and I'm collecting those teeth because.
It's like one step away from collecting their hair.
Yeah, it's just like you collecting their dental.
Gross little thing. Yeah, when did you stop believing in Santa Claus.
Third grade. My mom was sick and she was just like had the flu and she didn't have time to wrap any of the presents. And her handwriting is it's so her. And so I saw that, and so I went in the basement when she was doing laundry and I was like, Santa Claus isn't real? Wow, And we made a really scary bassment. So and then you know what she told me.
I'll never forget.
She said, don't tell Mikayla. Mikayla is my older sister. Oh, all of a sudden, I had power.
How much older is Mikaela? Ten years older?
Yeah? When did you find out?
Third grade? I didn't put it together. I feel so jealous of you. No, Christopher Gibbs told me in class, what did he say? Santa's not real? And I don't think I was really that broken up about it. I think I was still skeptical. I think there was still like I don't know if this is entirely true, but it did like it cracked the case open a little bit. And then I started putting things together. And then my older brothers were like started hinting about it. Eventually, I think the final step I took was on my Christmas list. I thought, well, I'll ask for a bag of magic, and if Santa's real, of course he can give it to me. But my parents will not be giving that. I didn't get it. Case closed. My parents are fools.
Back of magic been it could have been another year. It could have been joy for you. I had to ruin it for there's there's basically an industry that is built around keeping Santa's secret, because even when you watch the children's movies, it's like the adults are like, well, if you don't believe in Santa, Like, well, your mom doesn't believe in Santa, and that's why they always have these like it's ruining herlines.
Yeah, she's absolutely losing it because she doesn't believe in Santa Claus. I have friends now. I think this might be a more modern thing where they let their's kids believe in Santa, but any good gift that the child receives is from the parents, not Santa. Yeah, so the child learns these are the people I can count on, right, not some made up thing.
Yeah. I mean I can't wait to tell her. I can't wait for her to come to me and be like wait.
What is this?
What is it gonna tell her in the middle of a fight.
Yeah, guess what my mom she when my mom found out Santa Claus wasn't real her basically she was too old and her mom had to tell her. She was in fifth or sixth grade.
Okay, so your sister takes after her.
Yeah, naive and uh And her mom said, Santa Claus isn't real And she said does I mean the Easter money is a real?
Too good for her for it together pretty quickly, Like you, any is usually the first one to go. You should check in with your mom about what she still believes. Yeah, might surprise you. Well, I think we should play a game. We're gonna play a game called Gift he a Curse. I need a number between one and ten from you four. Okay, I have to do some light calculating to get our game pieces. Right now. You can promote, recommend, do whatever you want.
I'll be okay, okay, promote. See. Oh, I'm watching the SNL documentary. I don't want to promote that though they never hired me. Don't watch that. If you guys want to watch me, I have a special out on Hulu. It's called dad jokes where I go and I try to find my dad after not seeing him for twenty years, And you gotta watch it to believe it. What happened at the end.
That's a way better documentary recommendation than the first one. That one actually has something to do with you.
My guys, watch this is no documentary.
Everyone go watch Mode's documentary. Fantastic. It's such a great idea.
Yeah, someone had to.
Somebody had to.
Someone in my family had to.
My brother were a competing You all pitched on this documentary one. Okay, this is how we play. Do I have anything to recommend? I never recommend anything anymore, and now that I've brought it up, I feel like I have to recommend something. Is there a song I've heard recently that I really liked? I'm actually gonna look at Spotify. I feel like I've opened a door here.
Do you listen to new music? Are you going to recommend something?
What should I do? Old or new?
Something new? Because I don't know.
I mean, okay, let me see the newest thing I've listened to. Okay, I've never known how to pronounce this guy's last name. He used to be in the band The Walkman, Hamilton, Lighthouser, Laththauser. He has a song called Knocking Heart that is unbelievable.
Is it a country song?
It's kind of like a garage it's a love song. Oh it's so good. Okay, that's a good one to recommend. I liked dragging you into that.
Yeah, hey, I like I mean, I won't remember that.
Do you like country music?
I don't like music I was listening to. I wanted to see what why everyone was listening to Chris Stapleton.
So I've been listening to that and did you find out why?
I mean, yeah, it's like it's nice, Okay, is it like it's country, but it's not like country country.
It's not like radio music country. Yeah, it's more.
Yeah, it's not like the stories aren't extremely basic, like not like Toby Keith. Yeah, it's not like I don't know, I gotta get out of the city. It's always like I got to get out of the city. So I lived in the city for a little while. I got to get out of there. I got to get back to my roots. I gotta lives. Stop sign in the town.
Single confusing stuffs.
And they're obsessed with like getting back together with their high school girlfriends.
Yeah, always such a red flag. Yeah, she's in such things. She's got this guy that is obsessed with her now singing about it publicly.
Yeah, he's just behind her. She's had her kid's game. He's got his acoustic guitar.
Every mainstream country singer is a stalker and should uh, somebody needs to look into that. Okay, this is how we play Gift for a course. I'm going to name three things. You'll tell me if they're a game or a curse and why. Okay, and then I'll tell you if you're right or wrong, because there are correct answers and you can lose huge great love to all right. Number one, this is a listener suggestion. The listener is an interesting one. It's called Mad Scoops ice Cream, some sort of ice cream business that listens to the podcast. So now they've gotten free advertising it. God knows where they exist. I hope it's good ice cream, that's all I'll say. They listen to the podcast, so it must be wonderful. Okay. Gift or a curse? When people say protein when a bug lands in your drink and slash or food curse, why that's disgusting.
That's like, I mean, if I feel like that'd be like if a hair where in your food and you're just like, it's it's a gift, Like it just feels like a lie. Like you're just saying something bad happened to you and you just want to rebrand it. And sometimes it's just bad.
Correct. Oh, that's a curse. That's uh, I mean, in my opinion, that's First of all, that's seems really irritating. Don't mind your own business. Second of all, that bug is a person. That bug has a life. It's I think it's just there for a little bite or a little sip, and now you're turning it into food.
That's empathetic.
Yes, I'm an EmPATH ultimately, I feel for everything, and it's paralyzing. I think that's a curse. Leave the bug alone, Leave the person who may or may not consume the bug alone. Keep your eyes on your own paper or your own food or drink.
If you were on a first date and they ate the bug that landed in their food, and you're just gonna.
Be like, oh, yeah, what does that say for the rest of the relationship. But also if you're on a first date and a bug lands on your food and your date says protein.
Yeah, also a problem.
Yeah, it's a lose lose.
I can't even imagine.
I think the clearest path forward there is to say there's a bug in your food, and I'm sorry, right, I know what you're going through. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know, I'll be eating my food.
What if they touch your food to get the bug out.
That's a huge line cross. I'd rather eat the bug than whatever their fingers touched. Who knows where those fingers have been. Yeah, I mean, God knows the last time they washed their hands. The bug is probably cleaner. You know, this bug is just out to dinner.
Oh yeah, this is a fancy bug.
Yeah, probably in their finest clothes. They took a shower before going leaves the bug alone. Curse. Okay, you've gotten one right so far. Number two. This is one. This listener knows my heart in some ways. A listener named Keith has suggested gift her a curse crumble cookies. Are you familiar with these?
Yes?
I am.
Oh my gosh, it feels like a bit of both because it's so exciting the first time, But it does be Okay, I'm gonna say curse because don't they come in a.
Box four It's a good question.
It feels like impossible to finish them. And I can't let cookies just sit on that. It's a curse to me. It's a curse to me in my body, in my mind.
You get the point this is. I have different reasoning here. This is maybe the most passionate thing, the thing I'm most passionate about. I might run for office on this issue. I think crumble cookies and God bless us all are horrible. I think it is the worst type of cookie you can eat. I think that it's a scam. I think they're truly. Pick any cookie in the world. It'll be a better cookie. Go buy a bag of Oreos. It's a better cookie than this. These are made to take a picture of I cannot and I loved ones. Friend's family have sent them to me. They eat them, they think they enjoy them. They are plato.
M h.
Buy let's see, let's buy some eggs, butter, flour, sugar, maybe brown sugar. You can you can do the whatever, vanilla chocolate chips. You could probably buy that much stuff for how much for Krumble cookies cost disgusting. Yeah, go buy some cookies at Alberson's, buy the toll House refrigerated ones and bake them. This will all be cheaper and it's better than Krumble cookies. I'm gonna take this company down. I cannot believe how popular these things are. They're not good. I agree, They're just like a sweet paste that look nice.
They go too far. They're like creative room that came up with all the different flavors. Go too far, and it becomes if a cookie is that heavy, Like when is it too heavy?
When does it become like a weird little is it a cake? Wet cake? And then it's not satisfying what you want from a cake. Right, So it's now just this thing you bought at them all.
You also can't eat it with your hands, really, you know, it's a mess. It's in the middle, right right.
There are a lot of problems. And I also I think it's from Utah, which again hits close to home home. Utah's Mormons are pretty good at making cookies.
So you want to be the only person from Utah that's famous.
Yes, that's kind of the root cause of my problem. Uh, no crumble cookies are our curse and Keith, thank you for finally bringing this to everyone's attention. What an important issue and more people need to be talking about how horrible they are and if anyone wants a recipe or anything, reach out or also just go literally buy chips. Ahoy, it is more satisfying nutter butter. I mean I could go on and on. Now I'm out of control. Okay, you've gone two out of two so far. You're over.
You're over telling people to eat Nutter butters. Where have we gone in this podcast that if Nutter butters are good at.
All, Nutter butters are delicious.
No, they barely tastes like peanut butter anymore.
I don't know if they changed the recipe.
I just once you have it as an adult, trust me, it's underwhelming. And so is the like the peanut butter cookie from Girl Scouts that all peanut butter one.
Oh, I'd be curious about that one.
Recently, you know what, they ripped it off from Nutter butter. I'll say it.
I feel like the Girl's Scout peanut butter is actually more up my alley because it's more it's less sweet it's more like an oatmeal.
Yeah, I think the cookie is wrong. I'd rather have the one that's chocolate, the peanut butter patty.
I think that one's bad. That one is like that is starting to approach crumble territory, where it's like it's advertises this thing, but it's not really those things. It's like not real chocolate. It's like not real peanut butter. It looks in a pear peanut butter. I don't think. So, everyone do your work. The only Girl Scout cookie I think that's remained the same is the thin.
Mint thin mint. And you know what, the short bread one.
Oh, that makes sense.
It's good.
That makes sense. You can't really do anything to short bread other than keep putting butter and sugar together. The thin mint, I will say this, the thin mint is one of the few things that has remained the same over decades. Yeah, it tastes. I think it tastes the same now as it did in nineteen ninety three.
Yeah, neighborhoods change, you know, people get older. The thin mint stays the same.
You can always count on the thin Okay, two out of two so far. Number three. This is from a listener named Cali gift to a curse a drive through that doesn't have a trash can to throw out old drinks prior to getting a new one.
Okay, here's why it's a gift to me. Okay, you need to clean out your car right when you get to your house. And it's basically trying to teach you a lesson to don't go. You cannot go to a drive through if you already have stuff from the cups in your car. You need to You need to take a break and just go to your house empty every night. I trust me, We live in our cars here and I have to clean out my car basically every night, and you do it at your house. But it's a red flag on yourself if you've got too much garbage in there and you're wanting more garbage.
Whoa, you win the game.
Wow.
Really, this is my exact reasoning. This is about personal responsibility. Drive through is not your maid. The drive through is not your personal dumps or they don't owe you a garbage can. They owe you the drink you paid for. And if I see a garbage can, like where what is it? Where is that in the placement of the drive through. It's getting confusing, you're reaching out the window or there's garbage flowing out of it.
Have you ever seen one of those without garbage flowing out of it? No?
Yeah, because that's the last thing the employees think about.
It's got to be impossible to clean those, the ones that have the little shoot.
Yeah, how do you get into that thing? You probably have to have a lock and key or something, password or something, and they're usually made out of that weird gravel rock and they're like they're probably each weigh a thousand pounds. I'm sure there's an animal living in every one of those. Those things are a curse. Nobody owes you place it. Throw away your old drink. Get control of your life. I have a car garbage can. Not to brag. I got it on this podcast and it's changed my life. That's what you need to do is get your little car garbage can going, and then if you don't want to throw it out every time, once a week, you just empty your garbage can.
If you have a kid and she's not in there, I always throw shit in her car seat that it doesn't right.
That's a perfect kind of garbage can carries children and garbage. That's how they should advertise those. Once your child has outgrown it, it's now just a trash can.
It's perfect.
Well, congratulations on winning the game.
Thank you very well played.
Honalis. Do you have your gift or a curse?
I do?
What is it? Today? Honally is now going to present a topic that we both have to answer to, and then Honalis will tell us whether we're a ride or round.
Okay, it's really just a quality check being the first person to clap in an event.
Do you want to go? Or should I go?
You go?
Okay? I think that that is a gift, and this is, you know, largely about being a leader, not a follower. You're making your decision right there that you enjoyed the performance. You're set the trend and if nobody else collapse, you may be humiliating yourself and disrupting something, but you made the choice. You took a risk, and it's going to pay off huge because suddenly you're going to be surrounded by applause and you're going to think I started that. Yeah, I'm the clapper. What do you think?
Curse? For all of the reasons that you just said, this person wants to be on stage, they wish that they could be the one that gets the applause, but they go, well, what's the next best thing. I'm going to start the applause and pretend like it's for me. Okay, I'm going to make it about me, and it's even better if nobody claps. They're the first one to stand in a standing ovation.
I know it, curse wrong, They're the star now. Good for them for taking control of their life. Leader on Elise, what do you think Bridger's right?
It's a I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Moo, but you're just jealous. All those just point to you just thinking, you know, I wish I could be that brave. I wish I could be the one to clap first, because that's me. I always every time somebody claps first, I'm thinking.
God, I wish that was me.
I wish I had that confidence. And therefore it is. It is a gift because it's something to aspire to.
Wow. Good for me, Yeah, mo, what a you really fell on your face after?
You know, I should be buying tickets to the person that's the first one to clap at an event.
You will be, because so once they do that, they're on their way to success. And you'll be the first person to clap at their big show. At their clapping show. Okay, this is the final segment of the podcast. It's called I Said No Emails. People write into I Said No Gifts at gmail dot com. They're curious, their lives are a mess. They need help. They're asking all sorts of things. Will you help me answer this question? Okay, this is Hello, Dear Bridger and the guest of the week that is you. I need to break up with my boyfriend, but I need to do it over the phone. I want to give him a gift as a way to make up for it. I know it's strange, but we just celebrated our three year anniversary and I feel as though a gift will tell him how much I still care about him and tell him I still want him in my life, but platonically instead. Giving gifts is one of my love languages. Part of the problem is he's very minimalistic, and I don't want to give him something that will be a burden. He and I are both transgender and are endlessly excited about mundane things, utilizing the colors of the trans flag. I worry about giving him something too personal because I don't want to give him a gaudy reminder of me. It is completely reasonable to tell me a gift is inappropriate. But I'm hopeful that I can find something to help make this an easier breakup for him to process. Thanks, And that's from Cain. Ps. The reason I need to break up with him is that I'm simply not attracted to him anymore. So there's a just a burn at the end. That's a tough thing to hear. H fair, but also probably unnecessary to put in the letter Caine. This poor guy is just out now.
I'm starrying to think of gift idea, now that I have that piece of information, now that we know he's an ago not in a hat, can't.
Fix Oh what do you think about this? I mean, I think it's appropriate to give a gift. I mean I think when I hear somebody doesn't want things, they're minimalistic gift. A nice gift is removing yourself from their lives. That's great, one last thing they have to worry about. That won't be the color of the trans flag, but.
It's a starting point, which is the color of abandonment.
That's a lonely color to look at. But what is something else you could give? That's I mean, I'm just thinking of mean things. A mirror, but Cain kind of didn't give us that much to work with here. Yeah, that than an insult, right, I.
Mean, And you can never go wrong with a T shirt that says I'm was stupid. I'll say that. But you know you're single. It's like it feels weird to give a gift that's going to help somebody else hook up. But she seems like it's going to be a good break up. Yeah, so maybe something single person.
Would like, I'm with no one.
I'm with no one.
My life is empty. Yeah, don't ask me why my last partner broke up with me. These are all T shirts.
This is uh yeah, my ex bought me this gift right before we broke up.
T shirt but we're still on good terms. That's on the back.
Or maybe that's a necklace, Yeah, what a necklace. See. The problem with getting somebody a gift when you're breaking up is you know when you look at like, every time you wear this T shirt that I gave you to the gym, you're gonna think about me heartache. Yeah, your heartache. And so I don't wear any jewelry exes gave me, and come to think of it, none of them ever gave me Anny.
Well, you've got to reach out to them. Yeah, Hey, I just notice something. I don't know if this is weird, but I know it's been ten years, but I just realized you didn't give me any jewelry when we broke up.
I have nothing to look at and think about.
You except for all of these pictures that.
Are on my wall in my secret room in my house.
And this country song I'm writing about you. So I think that those are some decent gift options.
Yeah.
Maybe why not just an edible thing so he gets to eat it.
It's nice and you can forget about it.
I think that's perfect, right, Yeah, and then it's just like you mean something to me, forget about me, enjoy not this crumble cookie. Oh it's gonna don't you dare. I would never just buy the toll House cookies bake them. They look kind of like you made them at home.
It can't be bad. It can't be Okay, somebody's breaking up with me and giving me homemade I'm like, it's poisoned.
That's true. It's got to be wrapped individually wrapped. This could be like a razor in the candy situation. Very good point. So it's gotta be.
If they if they drink, I would say about I.
Feel like buying somebody liquor during a breakup is a tough one.
Trader just gift card, come on and knick go wrong.
That's not a bad idea. Go buy yourself something on your first trip to the grocery store. But you don't have to think about what I want.
And also, Trader Joe's is great for single people.
It's perfect, so many individual items. Everything is basically enough for one person.
Say all of this in the card, everything, download the transcript of.
This podcast, just send the episode to them. I think they'll be happy to hear that you're not attracted to them. That'll be a fun little twist at the end for them.
I've never yeah, yeah, I've never given a partying gift for I don't.
I don't know that that's a popular move.
Right. This feels like you got like you wouldn't be friends with this person.
Yes, yeah, it feels like it's kind of people pleasing. Yeah, it's like I think maybe what you need to do is just say sorry. I don't like the way you do your hair right, and I know you could change that, but I've seen you with this hairstyle and there's nothing I can It's gonna be a nightmare for me.
You can also do what everyone in la is done during the fires, which is just go look at your closet and what garbage you want to give to people displaced by fires, and just people are so back the back of garbage.
People are just dumping things.
It's like, have some thought, You're like, it's like a shelf, a three tier shelf with two shelves.
My broken ike address, or you can't open the drawers, but do with it what you will.
And then they're posting on social media. Just dropped off a donation bag, just backed.
Up my dump truck. Made volunteers life harder, Lord help us. Everyone's trying their well, maybe not, some people are trying a little harder.
Some people are really giving garbage.
Well, Caine, the answer, you got your answer, don't write back in We answered it perfectly. Good luck with the breakup, Good luck with your new friend or whatever. Hopefully you two can remain friends after what you've done to him.
You're so good at relationship advice.
That's why I'm about to announce my spinoff podcast. Okay, well answered the question perfectly. I now have this T shirt to kind of show off around town. I'm gonna be showboating everywhere I go the gym, dances, parties, wedding, badminton. People will be intimidated by me. They'll be impressed, and then they'll find out the truth and lose all respect for Then you'll be canceled, and then I'll be canceled. This is my road to cancelation.
Also, it's a really ugly grave, so.
I will say this is the worst color of T shirt you can buy.
It is.
It's clip art too, and you know they had the choice.
Very lazy department. This is it's screen printed, so they could have done something decent. Yeah, they give jerseys now, they give jerseys. Interesting, they're really big. Okay, of course, it's always really big.
It looks atrocious.
This is my This has been my lifelong battle of whenever there's a free item, it's too big. Why can't we occasionally have something that's too small for people?
Yeah?
Just one time, the whole team gets a small T shirt and I get to go home wearing something that fits. It's ridiculous. It's absolutely ridiculous. But this is I mean, the T shirt itself is literally like the fashion art, fashion equivalent of clip art. It is color, the sizing, it's just somebody said that's the shirt, and I'm thrilled. I couldn't be happy with it. Well, I've had a wonderful time.
I've had a great time. Thank you so much for letting me talk with you and Irbing, You're.
So thank you for being here. Listen, the podcast is over. I want you to remain calm. I want you to take a few breaths. I want you to think about what you'll do with the rest of your day and make a smart decision and informed decision. Do what's best for you. I'm gonna let you go. I love you, goodbye. I Said No Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer is on Alisa Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday. The theme song is by miracle Worker Amy Mann, and we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cottner. You must follow the show on Instagram at I Said No Gifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gifts invant?
Did you hear?
Fun?
A man myself perfectly clear? But you're I guess, Tom, you gotta come to me empty, And I said, no, guest, your own presence is presents. And no, I already had too much stuff.
So how do you dare to surbey me?
