I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger WinegarChris Fleming Returns to Disobey Bridger During a Very Sensitive Time
On the 5th Anniversary of the podcast, Bridger does everything possible to keep Chris Fleming from destroying the show with a gift. The two discuss shopping, The Waltons, and live birth.
Don't forget to review the podcast, it's the least you can do.
Have a question for I Said No Emails or a Gift or a Curse suggestion? Email us at isaidnogifts@gmail.com and Bridger may or may not read it aloud on the show.
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Well, I invited you here. I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests, your presences presence enough, and I already had too much stuff.
So how do you dare to surbey me?
Hello, it's Bridge, your host of the show. I just want to quickly invite and demand that you come join us on Patreon. We are having the time of our lives. Bonus episodes, two bonus episodes, a months video, whatever I feel like posting. It's threatening to become my blog, and I hope that doesn't feel like a threat. We're having a great time over there, experimenting with the show and having old friends on, and it's a great way to support. I said no gifts, and I think in the end, the only thing any of us really wants is to support a podcast. I think I speak for everyone when I say that, So no excuses. Get over there Patreon dot com slash. I said, no gifts. Come join us and have a wonderful time. And now let's get into this episode, which is just oh, this is quite a show. Welcome to I said no gifts. I'm Bridger weineger Oh, here we are. It's the fifth anniversary episode. What does that mean for anyone? What does that mean for me? What does that mean for you? Well, it means for the last three days, I've been thinking about Tunic's I've been thinking about what Tunic I would wear. Because we are this is more of a video production, although you know you'll be listening to the audios. So if you're listening to the audio, you'll just have to picture me at my very best. I was just smoking. The smoke is now out. I don't condone smoking unless you're doing a podcast. But the last three days I've just been thinking about which Tunic I would wear. I ordered several online and they were all essentially long T shirts that barely covered my ass. They were not appropriate for YouTube or for audio for that matter, so we just you know, I defaulted to my classic Kiki Sole. I've redied it. You have to keep these things fresh or the audience freaks out. This is the third color of the Kiki Sole has been I'm just going to take off my robe, so if you're just listening, listen for a soft fabric falling off of my body and then continue to imagine me at my best. Oh there we go. Not quite as hot as I was going to take a drink. Okay, I'm feeling so much better. It is the fifth Anniverse three episode on Elise demanded that they be here, so we're just looking for odd jobs for them to do around the house. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here thinking about the last five years. We launched in March of twenty twenty, March twelfth of twenty twenty, and obviously it was the biggest buzz online that day. People couldn't stop talking about the podcast, which was very flattering. The world was going kind of bananas, and I don't remember anything else happening in the last five years. But I think it goes without saying that I've had it harder than anyone else. So keep that in mind while we record, and while you leave your reviews online or attack me or whatever. I don't know what you can even see as far as my body goes in this tunic, and that's fine. That's kind of the excitement of video and tunics, and it's a journey for all of us. My legs are deeply exposed. Is there anything else we need to talk about? Let's see the rest of my I mean, let's just say, you know, I'm constantly talking about Found Coffee, my local coffee shop, and I'm always trying to give them free promotion. I tried to go there today. They were under renovation, but they'll be open Thursday, so I'll be back Thursday. Had to go to a different place for my coffee. I thought you should know. Oh, I mean, there's a chance that this piece of audio, you know, humanity's wiped out, the earth is destroyed, and there is a chance that this is the only thing that remains. And can you imagine? Can you imagine? Do you ever think about the end of the world. Okay, I think it's time to get into the podcast. You know, when you have a fifth anniversary. I'm all over the I'm all over the sofa right now. It's a good, very good excuse to demand that favorites come back, that people that have busier lives than you make the time for the podcast. And so I thought, why not reach out to on one of my all time favorites, one of everyone's all time favorites, Chris Fleming. Chris, Oh my god, oh welcomed. I said, no.
Gifts than you do you want me to touch you or not.
You can touch me, you know, any way you want.
You're like Weber, I haven't. I haven't been allowed access to Bridger. I've been waiting in the Bridger is now operating out of what feels like a wellness center. It's a very new build, but for a new build, it still has a pretty haunted vibe.
But the air is dry. Yes, there's no mildew. No no, no, you're very black mold.
Oh no no, but I'm hearing I'm hearing breathing from offices that are what feel like half a mile away.
Being piped in from. Yeah, probably Studio City, It's probably. It feels like where you would have an after prom. You remember, you just feel very after when you would get locked in.
But here here actually feels like a pediatrician's office with or like a children's.
Dentist and just as many cameras, I assume, yeah.
Yeah. And also also while you were doing your intro, everyone's like stifling laugh.
I'm like, it's Fridger making people silent?
Are you?
Are they not?
People like.
You pull up and you just hear me screaming at people. It was just quiet.
Yeah, it's almost like you know, in the beginning of Mission Impossible. Like you know how they always do those little ruises to like out of someone.
It's like trying, We're trying to not get.
We're in a submarine right now.
Yeah, yeah, it feels like a sting operation.
That.
I mean, this is before we can talk about other things, but I just want to really quickly point out that I've recently learned that I can't pay attention to spy movies. You I saw the sort of black bag I had. Do you know what this is? The Cate Blanchette who Now I'm forgetting the man other guy. That's very that's very modern forgetting men. Yeah.
Fort av Club right about a movie they're covering, and I forget that. I forget the guy's guy Pierce a.
Culture review of that is very forgetful of man. But I saw this thing and it was so sexy and exciting. But when people start talking about spy logistics, Oh, I just have to trust the filmmaker. I have to watch a spot.
I luckily watch Mission Impossible just because Tom almost called him Hanks Cruise is like the choices he makes, you know.
My team is dead. They're all dead because it's celebration.
I have to watch it for that.
But I think it's taken me one hundred and fifty times to finally get the general emotional arc.
And I'm still not geopolitical.
It's so difficult.
It's impost.
So when there's like a big twist at the end, I'm like, well, I probably would have felt this.
You can hear in a movie theater people go.
Like, I guess they laid the pieces down, and I just wasn't really following.
You know what I hate in spy movies, comic relief.
Oh, it's a tough.
Oh whoops.
Oh okay, Oh, I've got plenty of time to do that.
Then he wouldn't make it.
Do the background check. That person is not a serious person, serious person, and this is very serious. Yes, you know in your.
Ear piece you don't want to be hearing little little witticisms clips.
Oh yes, Oh, certainly, I've got the time for this. The only way you can do that is if you build in that his dad works at the agency, and then it's like, okay, we kind of get why Simon Peg keeps getting a chance. Simon Peg, I've never said that Peg, that's a great question.
It sounds like a bike shop.
I know Simon Peg, but it sounds like And then when I hear Simon Peg, I think of Hot Chip, and I don't think he's a member of Hot Chip, so he kind of is. He probably has. I'm a member of Hotship. I would believe you are. I was in the early tens.
You're in Phoenix, I'm in Hot Chip.
Well, this is where I reveal I'm French and I'm married to Sophia a couple.
What do you mean you've revealed you were French through subliminally, I think on March twelve, twenty twenty.
Through a lot of weeks and subliminal messaging.
Did you say that you dropped? So you were saying first of all, they out the tuning tune is from market.
I'm so sorry.
Can we get it? Okay?
I hope that's captured the upisode there as much of we need to find up skirt.
With Bridget.
You're you're a coworker is my original gift? I mean you were here, you were on the show August or maybe sometime in twenty twenty, late twenty twenty. It is an absolute haze, but there is a clear I have a very clear. This thing just keeps coming up. I mean, look, I'm glad I wore the under where I'm wearing now.
I mean the way I've accidentally exposed myself for like entire shows, like stage show, like there's nothing that you could do for me.
But the audience seats it up. They're begging for it. Not the family, not the family show, not the birthday parties.
No, but I went to my niece's birthday party and she had a magician named Awesome Rob, and he fucking cried. What did he do? Oh?
He did everything he did an hour.
He saw someone in half.
No, it was for three year old saw a three year old half.
Yeah, it was. The parents are concerned, truly.
It was like a Baptist like church like like the reaction that the kids they were like it.
Was by any of the things.
I was doing. I was I couldn't stop. And I don't typically do this. I don't do this with media. This has been a problem people. I don't put myself into things, okay, but I was putting myself into this. I was trying to no, no, I was trying to picture if I was in the parking lot about to have because you know, I dread doing shows, and I was imagining going into a living room.
To do as awesome rob Oh, can you imagine pulling up to the house and being like, should be at the Magic Castle?
You got this like it's the same for any show you know, of course, no line off, trying to imagine if there were.
Do you know how fuck? Is this your sister's kid?
Sorry, not a niece. It's a okay, all the world, any child's a niece. It's my cousins, and my cousins are like okay, which is a hards like sisters to cut shut it all down. This is your last show?
Can I enter again? I'm sorry, I'll light the cigarette back up.
Oh my god, your timer.
This is a bomb. When this gets to seventeen minutes, we die. I can't go for seventeen.
I saw Matt. You and Matt did Matt? You guys were outside matting.
Bruton was just on the Patreon show. This is actually a recent addition to.
The uh you hide him behind the paywall?
I hide him behind You've got someone that tall, You've got to put behind.
Him, someone with that posture. Yeah, coorse o, my god, he's almost leaning, he's almost Yeah.
It's getting backwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Chris, you got to start doing That's.
What he does.
He's always recommending. He's trying to coach everybody because you're.
Going to hurt yourself on stage if you don't start taking care of your body in your forties.
He has advice for everybody. He's the listener. This is Matt Ingebretson, who was the first guest on the show by the Worse. Yeah, but he's constantly I think as a straight tall man, you just have advice. You're overflowing with things to tell other people.
He's but but he's he's so like, usually my guys are not helpful.
Oh sure, but they're confident. They're confident.
Oh yeah, no right, it's usually like, dude, we should we should move to Buffalo and be contractors.
This was awesome Rob in the bathroom of that birthday party. Chris is playing Awesome Raw. I'm in trouble.
I think his name is Awesome Raw better.
But he gave me this little frame photo Steven Spielberg. Yeah, so that's very cute. I can put that on that. That could be a ring.
There we go, Could I wear this as a ring?
Oh, that's not a bad idea.
No, it's too big. That could be a pinky ring.
Do we say brooch or brooch?
It's spelled brooch, we say broke.
That's one of those words I never say in cool company because I'm like, I'm going to be exposed to someone who went through U top public education.
I save it for podcasts to try it out. Yeah, somehow crossed in the double O is a is a?
Where does the brooch come? Is that that must be German? Oh?
Oh yes, double O's Scandinavian.
Oh that's probably true. An open faced sandwich.
It's European. Yes, it is a croc monsieur. It's an open casket croc monsieur.
Awake.
Did you ever have a croc? Is a kroke, Madame?
Yes, I've had in a little skirt and guy eyelashes and then a monsieur has a fucking gun.
And left his family a long time ago.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah it does not. He's not even talking to his parents.
I think the croke Madame has a like a Frida egg on top. I think there's something, I mean, there's some kind.
Of weird that's a little on the nose.
Yeah, there's like a weird sexuality something going on. They really thought about the sex of both of these sandwiches.
Oh, oh, totally.
The French they don't mind being they're not They're not going to not be stopping genders.
Oh of course they'll go all over it, you know. And then meanwhile, the Croke Monsieur, I think is just almost a French toast ham sandwich that's addicted to online gaming. They will not leave his ex girlfriend alone. He's harassing, totally stalking. No, I know the Croque Monsieur because I took in high school probably a total of eight different semesters of food class.
Oh oh wow, that's a twist. I thought we were going to say.
Oh no, no, no, no, who do you think you're talking about?
I forget how much writing you've done.
And you also forget I'm frenchy. Why bother? No, I was learning to cook things in a microwave.
Eight semesters of of food which was called foods.
It's not homeck, it's food.
No. In middle school we started started off with HOMEC, which was a subcategory of what was called TLC. Are you following it? TLC was kind.
Of life skills.
I wonder what it was called it's probably true life consequences traspasts They kind of utah, So, I mean we were learning to sew, we were learning to cook, we were learning to type. It was kind of like learning to work in Don Draper's office essentially.
But the home cross legged on the side of a death. That's well Semester.
Just thinking when Don is going to leave his wife. He keeps promising me.
Do you feel like you could watch mad Men? I feel like you could watch mad Men. It could freeze and you could still be watching it. You know, I feel like there's watch movement.
Yeah, you think like you could forget that it was.
Yeah, it could be loading and you could still be watching.
There are shows like that where I don't know, it's frozen about ten minutes. For a few minutes. You want to be like, well, maybe this is a choice, and I don't want to embarrass myself and be the person who tried to fast.
Forward through them, even if you're alone.
I mean, do you know what actually that happened? Was the Sopranos documentary? Did you see this thing?
I still haven't seen the Sopranos. I'm saving that for one on the Lamb or something. I'm saving a bunch of stuff.
You've an awesome rob on a motel bed Burton earning free HBO.
Yeah, h you feel like h I feel like HBO needs to obviously it's too dark, and then Netflix needs to dim their lights.
Oh my god, dim They need to fully shut off.
It feels like I had to watch a show to get ready for something tonally and it was like it felt It feels like last call at a bar.
It's like a tesla coming out at you with its light, like you've got to turn.
Off your brides right right. It's like when et ship lands close.
Encounters Jesus Christ.
They're all translucent.
No, they really do have commercial lighting on Netflix. That's what it is. And I don't understand someone. They have a lot of employees. Somebody's gotta maybe you know, it's.
It's wor they're wearing sunglasses and so they have to there. Then they watch it after not wearing sunglasses, like, oh we should have how are we all wearing sunglasses?
And the program won't let us edit it's uploaded. Yeah, uh no, there's something going on with Netflix. I feel like they still a long way to go before they can be known as like something I can really trust, I can trust, not even respect, trust babysit, my kids.
Yeah, I mean the stand up specials Jesus Christ.
I mean we will just touch on this briefly, because there's a stand up special currently on Netflix which is one of the most evil things I've ever seen. An evil politically, politically I can't remember the guy's name. Everybody seems to know who this person is.
Is it that guy who is like your friend in middle school who you're like, you tolerant, then afterwards you're like, I don't need to la with.
This fucking guy. I think it's even worse than that.
Okay, okay, like Charlie Horst, that's yeah.
Then when you when you say that hurts, he says, I was kidding, dude, kidding physical. He's one up from Hane Gillis. Yeah, Jane Gillis has got the show about tires. Yeah, and he at least goes I'm kidding. Yeah, this kid is just there to hurt.
Who are we talking about?
I wish he has a podcast. And the guy who plays arenas Yes, the devil truly horrific. I could not believe that this was on a mainstream.
I'm playing like airports.
He's not like like he's playing the person sitting next to at the airport.
I mean like the.
Sheer size where what do you call that? Sorry, I was going to say an airplane warehouse at LAX.
Yeah. No, no, that guy.
I mean I I again, we should move on because I don't want to spend too much time talking about earth devils. We can get into the Satan, but it's just like Netflix is just you know, and I thought we could trust corporations. You know.
Let's look guy Robbie Pratt, he's like three foot one. He's in charge of he's in charge of the commedy specialist. Oh and he's just he's.
Just under Joe Rogan's desk.
He's in the drawer of Yeah, next to a bottle of ad Villain.
With assume the briefcates of cash that Joe that Joe then gives to the Yeah, the dusty ridiculous.
I do think that they're like, there's there's one step above being a thing that you can just like actively upload whatever you want.
I I when you said upload earlier, you don't have a fantasy about if we all could upload stuff to Netflix. I guess YouTube. Oh, let's be great, have fun. Would that? Oh I would love someone's upload.
Someone is uploading like we do, like you could.
There is somebody in a building, someone's time to up, getting frustrated with the speed.
Like.
It's like Moneyball is uploading.
Yeah. Yeah, you don't really think about the human element of that. No, there is somebody that has to do that, like this, like one of us going on Vimeo or whatever, waiting for Instagram the slow thing.
And by the way, that's slow.
I never uploaded to Vimeo, Instagram. I they have I think they have my number because it takes at least half an hour to upload anything over forty five seconds.
Oh, I put it on. I put my phone on like my WiFi thing, the motive, and I just leave. Then if you.
Close out of it, it's like wait to hear a sizzle y Yeah. And if you close out of it and so all all bets are off.
Yeah, it's like an asops fable.
You have to keep staring it in the eye otherwise it's like, oh, it looks like you don't want this.
Yeah, you have to learn a lesson.
Yeah.
And they've also kind of shadow blocked my favorite influencer despite me interacting with all of her content. Beth Any Franklin, her name's Turtle Creek Lane. She lives in Dallas.
Did she build this wellness in sug.
She's sponsoring the box. Yeah, she said, just don't look at my content and you can have as much money as you want.
Turtle Turtle Creek, Turtle Creek Lane. That's not an easy one to say.
No, it's not. It's the streak. She lives on in Dallas and she has she's boxing herself. She people know exactly where she lives. People don't care about that anymore. No, no, no, no. If you try to hide it, they can find you. So if you're showing them, they're lining up outside. Of course, I've considered going there now. The Turtle Creek Lane has recently and this is this is a hard thing to talk about. Her husband recently crashed in a helicopter. Is he okay, he's okay, thank god?
Wow.
But so she is undergoing some things. He made it out almost perfectly, and the other person the helicopter did pass away, So it's a tough situation. So she is going through something. But I will say she's my favorite influencer. Turtle Creeklane, pure pure Mormon mom joy. Oh right right right, she's decorating the house. She's going crazy. And Steve the husband's alive.
That's great. So that's see, that's.
Great, that's great.
That's all we ask all we can ask for. That's all I've asked for.
Is she gonna she?
Do you think eventually she's gonna her address will be her name like twenty five Turtle Creek Lane with the zip code the way that people, you know, people keep like either like augment.
I guess that was kind of what P Diddy would.
Oh no, no, no, no, it's hard. There are a lot of landmines this point. It's really hard to talk about anything in existence with like, oh, well we should be we should tiptoe.
Around without saying saying a name that we get a laugh automatically at the comedy.
Store, if you just write down a list for me.
Three a m slought at the comedy store, I have to follow Dorera.
I'll be physically attacking.
Yeah, just put me on the bucking broncos. That's the only way that I could get up at the comedy store.
To integrate that into something you do. You should tour with a bucking Bronco. That would be so you don't even use it. Maybe if if you just feel like it on occasion, just have it just set a tone. Yeah, that feels like a nice comfortable thing to have around.
Podcast hosted from a bunking Bucking Bronco would be so good.
Everyone just fucking concussion. No one can hear by the end like a bucking Bronco.
Are We're all fucked up? Me two seconds with my spine like I'm I'm toast and suggestible. Yeah, my teeth airt my bottom row is my top row, my legs are my feet.
I'm fucked man, I'm like a c I'm like missed potato head.
Have you been on a Bucking Bronco before?
No?
They never let me. They're like, you wouldn't last a second on this. They're like your spirit, your spirit.
I feel your sir, there's a glow around. Yeah, step away.
They're like, wait you my job is just I'm face to face with the horses. That's my job in the West.
Just like a comfort stern comfort.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's me.
Hey hey, hey, hey, hey.
Mind melding with the mare. I'm miss realizing we're kind.
Of we are kind of in a we're bringing this back yet a green v oh, a green v right. This is unbelievable.
You know what, you know what I'm going for? What do you think I'm going for?
I feel like you're going for. You're somebody's like a friend is coming over to stay the night, and you're the dead. That's like reading a magazine. He's not watching TV, but he's reading a magazine. He's like, you kids, be safe.
That's that is so good.
That's so much better than what I'm going I'm going for Robin right, pen, and I think this is a bottle. It's a movie I watched on a bus next to a woman who I started crying and she goes, it's okay, baby, me too. But it's robbin ye Pen, like doing like basic woodworking.
Okay, like work. She's a woodworker.
She's like massaging a table.
She's a massuse. Yeah. It's like it's like I want I want the vibe when I'm when I'm in my non stage clothes, like you come see me at the shop and I'm like, I'm I'm looking like I'm.
Is that I that's yes, Well that's a really this is her as a child. So for you to recognize her amazing. And it's a bad painting.
Did she give it to you?
Yes?
Oh my god, so you Wow. Is it crazy to see like people pop?
I mean it really is. Because she was on in twenty one. I would say, yeah, you know, and.
You're Kim alan On right before Home Improvement, Tim alan On, I think at eighty nine. Yes.
I begged him to come on. He was on the rise. I knew there was something percolating there and I said it.
Was something relatable.
He was saying he was speaking for guys. Yeah, and I said, we need more voices like this.
He was fed up.
I said, we need to put you opposite Patricia Richardson and show the world who's the better sex. Yeah, come on and will.
Give you JTT.
Where's JTT? Where's the whole crew?
JTT. She's probably being kept somewhere. He's correct from at Uta. Yeah, they have They have him in a greenhouse at Uta, just like in a Utopia. He thinks he's in space, but he's just in the greenhouse at Uta, eating eating persons.
Wow, there's life out there.
Now.
You're at Uta.
For the exact fruit that jttquitd et. Absolutely, there's like a softness.
I still at the mushroom cut one strand the day cut I had exactly that haircut.
Your kidding. My mom insisted I get a mushroom cut.
Okay, I mean and when I say insisted it, it was like I trusted I've always trusted her, judge, but sure, sure, yeah you got the vision.
Let's fucking do this.
When someone tells you what type of haircut to have, you probably should think about it. Yeah, because no one ever does that. No what it says, this is how your hair should be.
Look, you got to figure every every I'm so tired of the free will and get figuring everything out for myself. Someone's like, hey do that, Thank god, especially when it's like an adult.
Mom saying this is the hair Like, hey, dude.
You should get you should get a patch.
Your mom's been calling about that. Yeah, yeah, how long.
Did Christian Rocker?
If you had a soul patch, it would just be an immediate change of look for you to Christian Rocker.
It would be Yeah, I would have to really start. I would have to start from zero.
Yeah, absolutely, just we've raised the building. Not that I have credit.
I would lose anything that I've worked to build, it would be it would be completely different.
It would be like moving would be like when you move to La.
Yes, it's like this is the new thing. I don't make friends comedy. You're got to impress people. Yeah, yeah, maybe I'll try the bus system.
Right, you end up in Santa Monica.
You never people from that are not from LA don't realize that's another country. Like getting to Santa Monica. You Yeah, I would rather go travel to Tokyo. It's like way less.
Painful, it's easier.
Yeah, waysier. Are you're kidding me?
You know, you're so right?
No, it's agony. And then you get there you're like t shirts.
I guess this is where they make the minions. I had a general with the people that made the minions there, you did.
There used to be a lot of general meetings that happened over there. There was a lot of driving too, like.
Why are you here? Like I don't know.
Every person who came in contact with was asking that question.
The guy even here. The guy came to the door, he's like, what's your name? He didn't want me to me.
He does the dead bolt before asking the question.
Because the windows are blackout.
They are smoky. Yeah, smoky windows. I ask, I said, I'm not. I will not record in the studio until the windows are smoked like my car.
Yeah, damn Bridgers really keeping it tight in here.
Well you did bring this. I saw you in twenty twenty. You came to my house. I have a real strong memory of that. They were like because you rarely saw people. So I remember you showing up at my door. Sleeveless mask, which is an interesting look.
Yeah, arms exposed, fully exposed to not exposed.
It was a different, very different time. Everything's okay, now things worked out good. Okay, they have an allowance. So there's a little timer back there that says this is how long you can speak for. So Ana is sweating before the caller. I have two hundred and thirty characters left. So rules of Twitter. Okay, X, it's called X. Take it seriously, could we please call it X. It's Christian name, yes, actually no, it's Christian name is Twitter.
I suppose do we spell it X. It's Christian name is Twitter, and its X name is it's confirmation meth name.
It's that's that's the final stage of the cross.
It became very religious in a religion that the family was not comfortable with. Look, yes, there's nothing we could do. The more we pushed, the more he backed away.
Whatever religion.
The Ottomans took all those empires, but yes, and then became a piece of Yes.
Yes, yeah, is that related Ottoman?
And it must be right?
That's what that's there.
I would love for it to be a coincidence.
But there are no coincidences.
There are choices and illusion. Everyone has a mushroom cut. An Ottoman is a coincidence? Yeah, but yeah, you brought this beautiful masquerade mask in a plastic bag. Yeah, in a plastic bag.
It's really nice.
It's gorgeous. Oh god, it's really I mean, it's become. It's right next to, by the way, an az Tech death whistle. This is given to me by Drue TROGHI do want me to blow it. It's an unpleasant noise. Everyone plugged your ears. Okay, isn't that unpleasant?
I hear that. I hear that's a that's the sound you hear at night.
There's you don't wake up to that. This is the opposite of a live woods or the hills of any kind a tree scream. You get.
That's the noise that you hear and you don't even you don't even ask what it is.
Absolutely not absolutely what.
Animals can sound like?
People screaming, Oh, Tasmanian devil?
Do they make that?
I've been watching alone Australia. Tasmanian Devil's all, well they're a rare are.
You talking about the luna?
The popular is the freed? They're going extinct. Meanwhile, they kind of look like doxins, like if a docs, if you cross bread, a doxin and a bear.
They're they're quite long.
Yeah, they're stretch jaws that can crush mustelids.
What's moustal It is like a wee I call I think a dosin should be called a musta liid. It's like a weasel or a stoat.
Is that like the umbrella that a weasels under.
Yes, it's like if you were to brave heart torture any kind of critter, they become a mustelid. And so I I made a push durm pandemic to get dosins included in the mustalid family.
Then didn't really fair?
That's really fair?
Actually, people decidt it was kidding around. You can't you.
Know no one takes everything.
Oh oh, he's doing one of his bits. Too late for a bit. I'm too tired to be doing a bit.
I know I can't do bits. You kidding me?
Bits make a docs and a moustalid.
I'm done. I'm going to bed. Tell me when it's a I barely have the energy to be honest. And I grew up near a mink farm. Do you imagine anything more mortifying? Where they would kill the minks. They would kill the minks. Our church was right next to the mink farm. And I'm sorry to tell everyone this. I'm sorry to reveal this, this five years into the podcast.
And tell me, Breggie, do you still hear the screaming of the minks every morning? I? Uh?
It was. You would go to church and you would smell the mink, right, I don't know if it was the mink, you know, run off.
I smell the I lived by a pig farm, and you would smell a fear. It's horrible, awful, absolutely terrible, horriful. And then the mink farmer taught at my high school. What do you teach in Utah?
There's something called that's part of the TLC.
You broke tender love and cruelty.
No, he taught something called seminary, which is a very odd phenomenon in Utah, which is you take an hour out of your day at the public school to go there's a building in the parking lot of the high school where we go and learn about Mormonism.
Yeah, that's so weird.
We had a Christian group called Young Life that would recruit in our high school Life. Yeah. They would play like, you know, freeze. It would be like they would take the kids to like jet ski and stuff at the hot Yeah.
I mean, and they got hot kids.
Of course, Christians are usually pot when they're young, and then you kind of grow into the devil. Yeah, did you make up that devil? Yes, that's so funny. That's why I guess to do this gorgeous podcast because of Earth Devil.
Earth you should change your handle to Earth Devil, Aspiring Earth Devil.
We've talked about Tasmanian devils, Earth Devils, regular devils.
I did a podcast with a guy who's very famous for podcasting. He's been done for so long, and once we stopped the podcast, we were still talking and we were by the mics, just reflectively.
He kept oh ing on mic did you see it's attached to it and it follows him everywhere.
It's such a haunting thing. It's like something out of a Twilight, like the final it's like the reveal. It's like a kind of a lame reveal.
And Ezra Kline can't get away from a microphone. It's like a carrot.
It's like the dangling everywhere it goes. But wait, so so there was seminary would be in the parking lot?
Yeah, it's but it's a building. I wish it was just kind of a tailgating thing. We got brats, we got doritos. Everybody get a launch.
Out of a pontiac an astac It's.
Yeah, so okay, so you would Did they ever get you?
No?
They had me? And I think this was kind of got This was kind of the end. This was kind of like, oh, what are we doing? Why am I spending an hour of I could be learning. I could be in foods right now, and meanwhile I'm doing this and then I'm starting to leave school during that hour to shoplift. It was a whole So they were kind of like getting the worst version of me by giving me that hour. Whatever I wanted. Utah has a chain of thrift stores called Deserret Industries, and they also weirdly have one in La.
Now.
It was a shock because I've been tempted. If something catches my eye, I'll take it. I will say, have gotten thirst, sources have gotten rid of dressing rooms. So I kind of think, you know, change on the sidewalk. I'm gonna take this outside to change. I'll be right back. I think you should just be able to take whatever you want.
Yeah.
Yeah, if you're not gonna let me try it on in store, forget it. I'm not paying for this thing. They don't have a return policy. How do I get my three dollars?
How can you How can you know?
No? I know, No, I know. Although that's it means that you know that you are trying something, you're getting something that no one well, they wore it before, but people haven't gone on and tried in the store, right, So I spent some time since people's spoils have been.
Right, nobody knows what's happening in there, some sort of weasel in it. But I would go there and just take whatever I wanted, and you usually would put go into the dress room and put on a shirt that I liked, then put on my normal shirt, walk out, Oh puffy, how many it? On a winter coat, and then pull a T shirt over it.
It's one of those things where, yeah, you keep adding layers and layers until you get caught yes, and then then you have your reckoning and.
Then you say no, I'm pregnant. It's really rude that you would ask it's a pregnant. It's a full baby is crawling up.
It's a full top pregnancy headed to the back. It's in my arms, it's in my neck. The baby has crossed the blood brain barrier. The baby's in my head.
Call the shop, all the shop.
Yeah, he's driving like the Men in Black Alien.
I'll never forget that ship. Remember what happens in Men in Black?
So a guy dies and then they open the back of his head and there's like a little guy. He's like, you don't remember.
He's like, he's like the alien is also dying. The aliens maybe a big he's been piloting the guy the whole time.
It's a guy.
Right.
When you think, like you know how they're going to reveal the alien? Oh right, you're like, I don't know that this guy could be driving.
And the alien just dies of natural causes.
He tries to tell them something, Oh but he's old age. Yeah, he gives them in this person's head if.
Only they had no Yeah.
Yeah, anyway, Well.
Look, I feel like you keep trying to get away from this.
Gift, and well, you know, I'm modest.
The podcast is called I said no gifts. So I was a little you know, I was looking forward to having you here. I begged you to come on so many phone calls that you blocked me.
You were being walked up to my door with a muzzle and a leather in a.
Leathersh Eventually you got a call from your mom and then it was me, Chris, I got you.
Yeah, but you be.
On I said no gifts, So it was a little surprised. I feel like you're a professional at this point. At this point, at this point, you know, when I met you, I mean it was amateur minute. It was embarrassing to be even around you. To know your name was embarrassing.
Yeah, I wouldn't even look you in the eye out of respect for you and your family.
Uh So it was a little surprised when you show up to my fifth anniversary, which is supposed to be a big day for me. I don't know if anybody else cares, at least.
Uh testing outside.
They took some time off from planned parenthood to come here.
Yeah they flipped my car. It's not even the planned parent and protesters, it's plant parents. It's the employee come here. Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know what you did. Something strange and bad I've done.
He said something about that that dental dams don't exist. I think it is what you said.
He said. He said, show me proof. I've heard about him.
We've all heard the phrase, we've never seen him. Something's up. I'm just saying. I'm just saying, fuck Youcher, fuck you.
Bridger.
Dental dams have been the tenth pole of this podcast. Now you've ripped it down. Uh, but you arrived with a gift. Oh yeah, actually have a couple of gifts. Yeah, oh my god. And so now you're just owning it twice as much. Oh, in this gorgeous mustard bag.
Thank you? Do you want to open the bag? I should?
I mean if you insist.
Okay, So there's there's compartments.
This looks like a refrigerated bag with an organ and.
You have to travel over the ocean.
Someone's waiting for that heart and it's on this podcast.
Did you like when nos Faratu had to get when he traveled and he had to go under the ship, he like he quit in transport. He had to take a ship and he's like waiting on.
Oh, he had to like get it. He kind of had to be a stowaway. He was like he's rescue rangers or something like hiding in a match box.
Right, that's right with his rats. Just kind of like, this's the guy who can show up anywhere. Why is he taking a boat?
He had a lot going on. He it's so much going on. What was he doing before all of this in that castle? How is he staying busy? That's so true. Yeah, this whole thing. But it's like up until now he.
Had the driver horses cart carriage.
Oh yeah, maybe he was doing a horse simulator.
It was like a way mow for with horses. Okay, so this is the first okay, reach in reach in here there's three of them. Three.
I saw something around and brown. Oh wait, these aren't for simons a. They're passion fruit. They're passion fruit from my own garden. I've never seen a passion fruit. I've only ever seen it on the side of natural drinks. Yes, slice, yes, yeah, mutilated? Wow. You grow these in your garden or someone threw them back there.
It's originally from home depot the bush, the bush, and it took over.
It's called the Frederick passion fruit bush. Oh, how long have you been growing it? Oh? At least two years? Two years and it's already fruiting.
Oh oh, fruits like several times a year. Wow, and those are going to be good? No, no, no, no, you just water and then it's like it invades the whole yard.
It's almost a weed.
It took over the neighbors and the other neighbors. It's like they don't.
Live there anymore.
They're like, can could you do something about this?
It's in the house, so do they? I don't even know what a passion fruit tree looks like. Is a bushy?
It's just a bush.
It's like a vine.
Oh and then.
Almost a grape type situation exactly. But with these, how do you can I just bite into it?
No?
No, no, would that killed me? It was It's like, what is the Is it coffee beans or something that if you like there's some way of turning.
It into potatoes. If you do a potato, it could take out armies a full fucking yeah, the navy.
So how do I I have to slice this?
M You can't have it yet. You you're gonna want to wait a couple days anywhere, and then, yeah, in a couple of days, you cut it, and then you eat the seeds and it's kind of goofy.
It remains I hate to say goofy, but it remains tanging. Oh, the tang remains.
I can't do a sweet goop. No, no, it's gagging. It's got a punished, punishing tang. And now, who's my second gift?
Let's put these here in the ash. Yeah, string on my glove is a bug. I thought a bug was following my my glove across.
Your storied gloves. It's this is very blanched blois.
It's very you know, he's under the bed. You can't see me in this in this landing. Okay, now I think you're gonna like this. Okay, pulled it.
I think this is your size. I'm not even sure what to too small for me? Right, Oh, you could pull anything anything color. Yeah, this is gorgeous. This is a piece of western were Yeah.
I think you could look a little like a little howdy duty in this.
And it smells so good. Thank you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've worn it. Is that your smell?
Yeah, well let me see. No, I don't know what that is.
But it smells good. Yeah, I'm not getting correct here. It might be my my pheromones. You could bottle that up and sell it an Ordstrom. This is a beautiful piece of western wear and kind of a it's a little wrinkle. I'm sorry, an orange mustardy. I hate to give you something so western mask when you're in something a tunic so gorgeous. I'm trying to get back in the closet. Step one. I'm looking for a wife. You're going to get a wife in this. This is my e Harmony profile. You could this and nothing else.
Christian Mingle. That is that?
I think I think that button down a little bit on you snap buttons.
I think it could be really sure. I try it on right now.
Yeah, yeah, I mean you don't have to, but I would like it if you did.
The things the audience is seeing.
Oh I hope you zoom in on that. You don't have last at it. You don't have last looks.
I don't. That's the one thing I gave up my contract. They get to degrade you in any way, knees. This is a different human beings. How are we feeling about me? Are you taking giving me more respect?
Now you're intimidating respect. I wasn't expecting you to be intimidating.
I was expecting this is someone who would cut their passion fruit.
Into it.
Now I'm wearing a mini skirt.
You you look like a TV star from the from like the fifties.
Oh see, this is a I've thought. Someone asked me a while ago about like if you were like really trying to chase a look, what would it be? And I said, I think I there said like zoo keeper or you know, fifties cowboy. That's what I'm saying, TV cowboy, not someone who can actually rope of course, a steer, a steer. I was gonna say, dear, and I knew you.
You look like you got kicked off the Waltons for getting into like a physical dispute with John Boy. Yeah, you beat the ship out of you, threw John Boy over.
You could have killed that boy. What the fuck The last episode of The Waltons is me nearly killing John Boy, just bashing pleasure.
Jesus Christ took a boy.
The writer's really soured on John Boy.
At the other twelve siblings are just frozen in horror as a zoom out of the ass.
As this brand new character arrives to kill their brother.
Yeah, you wreak of whiskey.
The viewer can smell me.
Stay down, John Boy, he's unconscious.
Stay down. That's a helicopter away.
You went backwards on a on a cow out of there, facing facing the back stairs style down.
The house is just shaking.
And I always say, do not bring do not.
This is this is the downfall of every wealthy family bringing the bringing the horse inside. Really did not bring the horse inside the floor.
It's not built that hubris. That's the final, you know, stroke of like, oh, we went too far. We brought the horse in. We got too bored with our money and we thought, let's try the horse inside, bring it in to watch TV. He flipped, He flipped out, He slid on the hardwood. Dad was thrown, Dad got kicked.
The girls.
We don't know where the girls are.
The girl the girls left it moment they heard the horse coming in. Obviously twins. When I say the girls, you know, you know it's always twins. Yeah, it's always twins. She's out of her She's out of her fucking mind. Where did you get this shirt?
Costume designer who I love, Lauren o Pelt, gave it to me and in my in my you know, sprire trimmer days, I fit into it gorgeously. And then as I as Time has been singing her cruel song to me and my body, I thought this will fit well on Bridger.
It fits perfectly.
Yeah, It's like it's exactly the thing that I would love to be able to sport, and so since I cannot.
There's very few.
People who are trimmer than I that I know, your life, I block them.
Don't show me those.
Let me let me rephrase that they're not.
They have a lot of people trimmer than I. I mean, they're our age that I know who are right.
And this to me because I feel like you do have a very distinct style that people appreciate, and it just feels so nat. It feels like you were born into it. Oh, thank you, and this shirt, fortunately, it feels like something I could still wear without people being like he's trying to bite Chris's style.
Exactly, because this for me is also it's not quite in my.
Eye, it's a little more neutral. Yeah, this is a night out on the Phoenix in Phoenix. This is this is trip, yeah, away from the wife and kids.
In one of those black caps you know that, you know those things that people try to wear it to not be noticed. Oh, like the baseball cat where it's like now I want you know what I'm talking about.
The celebrity Damon did a whole movie based around a hat like.
That exactly, and they all wear it.
Yeah, they're all wearing kind of thing.
Everyone's like, who's under that?
Because only celebrities wear Yeah, this is no normal person buys that.
You can't even get it.
Every normal person wants that kind of fun hat.
Yeah, no, exactly, you wear it higher.
But when they were.
Yeah, pull it down. It's a way to get it. It's they are Oscar Isaac.
And it is not ten times it's fucking Isaac.
That is one of my rare celebrity sidings in La I saw. I saw Oscar Isaac in a corner table yep, And you know I thought little Caesars complain interviewing for a job asking for a free Hey, hey man, I hate the time and it's usually pretty good.
Yeah, but this, if I could just get a little money back on this and maybe some free sticks, I don't.
Want to get anyone in trouble.
Yeah, it's it's just I know.
Little Caesars is better than this. He's brought back only the box. He hate the whole pizza and the crazy bread. Crazy bread. Have you ever had crazy bread?
That's a little Caesars it used to be. I've never been to a little Caesars.
Where are they?
They're they up here when you least expect. It's like in the middle of a wintry night, you see a cabin.
With the smoke coming out. That's a little Caesars. I imagine little seasons. Remember in Babylon, Remember when they wait two and a half hours to introduce Toby Maguire.
Oh, of course they will wait two hours to reveal everything in that moment, and then they end on a Jurassic Park montage that I mean, I was on my feet for that Avatar. There's an avatar move moment.
When they when they when they show when they show those movies. I was like, you have the way that you have shot yourselves and I hate to say this, in the penis, Damien Gizelle shot himself in the penis and not the penis when he got the Avatar Jurassic Park, and like Wallace and Grahmet, it's like, why did why did Marco Robbie do this?
Have Kaylee Quoco do it.
That none of them knew if that was coming.
No, no, obviously, that's like a little not on the script.
And then we show a clip of Avatar like a long cliff yes. And it felt like when I go home and I'll go see a movie with my family, We'll go to like a local theater. Of course every time they'll show like a wedding crash, the wedding, we see wedding crashes, his family tradition.
A new release in the small town.
Yeah, I have to see it in four K. You got to. But the local theater will have like a clip package before that was clearly edited by someone's nephew or whatever of like famous things from movies. That's literally what's the end of uh Babylon right exactly. It's like this is should be the intro to another thing at a bad movie theater. That's exactly what it is, or maybe at the end of the Golden Globes. Yeah, really, thank you for everyone. Stop taking attention forever. It's very much. Have you've been to the AMC Burbank. Yeah, there's like on the floor they have quotes from movies and there are things like E T phone homes.
When how you met Sally, I'll have what she's had. Yeah, it's like.
The most obviously it's that turned into film.
Yeah, they should do really obscure like prepositional phrases.
Yeah, things that kind of can't connect to anything.
Get out of there.
There's no way you can. You can't.
It's untraceable the floor.
Do you feel like nowadays like even background casting needs to come in for chemistry reads?
God, there's h camera. I was watching a show, one of our premium dramas and there was a background actor that I mean, God, bless these people. Yeah, this woman was.
There to get your number, by the way, Oh yeah, and they're going there. That's some ideas as you're in your car, are you? Are you on Facebook? Ah?
There are five different Chris Flemmings. Which one is you?
Yeah?
I think I found you all at them all? Why didn't you just give me your phone?
Okay to get a text that says, why didn't you just give your phone?
One one guy, we did a show. He hitted me like a wet napkin with his number on it.
Here's my number, Do not call me. Pulls that out of his cleavage, sopping that SOPs himself up. Don't call me. Do not use this.
You're watching a prestige drama, of course.
Oh and now, I mean when we say back around actor, now I have to really there's an Okay, so I saw this woman really giving it up, giving it her all. It's like looking it's all I'm.
Looking at Yeah.
Yeah, But did you see the Netflix documentary about the Mormon woman who was kidnapped like her family? I watched that one. No, that's that's van life. This is in the seventies. It's called like hiding in plane sight or something. This woman was kidnapped in the seventies, over and over by these people's neighbors. It's the most insane story you could possibly imagine.
She was repeat kidnapped.
Yes, oh my god, I.
Mean you watch the documentary, You're like, what could possibly be happening.
By the same people. They kept getting away with it. So they find her and they're like and then they go.
Sort of yeah and like the guy kind of like I mean, it's of course, like every one of these documentaries gets very dark and they're somehow that doesn't sound dark to me, like a happy ending.
That's a johnt.
There's aliens involved, Like oh, it's very odd.
But the way the way you say that, it sounds like like the not like they believe in aliens, but it's like aliens are like they're there there, they interview.
With them the way that's how you made it sound.
That's how aliens reveal themselves in a poorly washed Netflix stock just steam.
I haven't there that they're just going to be steam because they're not bodied.
Otherwise we're going to be disappointed. Yeah, if they're if they have to appear essentially in spirit form or a cube, a cube something that can't move without help. It's like a flow a fan, that's right, you know, it's like you can't have legs, or it could be all around us. Oh, now that would be a feeling, Yeah, that would be that would be a feeling. My fear is when aliens come, We're just gonna get bored. You know, you know this is exactly what I've thought, Really, I have.
I have had this distinct thought that will be because it's the same way we deal with anything.
Yes, it's like they're gonna want They're gonna want to see all of our movies.
They're gonna be like, dude, dude, have you seen fucking Breaking Bad?
Dude?
Yes, yes, I have. We're all going to have like a group of aliens that are like, dude, this is the funniest movie.
You got to watch this ship. We've been here the whole time.
We don't care.
Yeah, yeah, I feel like we'll get bored. And speaking of movies, I feel like they're going to see our depictions of aliens and it's going to be absolutely humiliating. That's when they're gonna be like you motherfucker.
It's gonna be like reading misery and being like when it gets to that point, you you think we're you think we look like you don't think we have noses?
Have dare you? Do you feel like there's any chance of aliens haven't been here?
Oh?
Yeah you think so? Oh do you genuinely believe that? Oh?
Yeah, I'm all about aliens, ghosts, all of it.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, I think that there's a small chance they're on their way. Certainly, you don't think the being here is so scary. If they've been here and they dipped out and not saying anything, it's rude.
It's like swimming in a lake. I would rather get bit than be I think of the thing swimming. We've talked about this.
I'm sure if I'm happy to talk about like.
I would rather be interacted with by a predator than have all the times. I think when you go to Hell, they may give you a microsoftic Sell spreadsheet of all the predators that saw you in the lake that didn't bite you.
Oh hey, just so you know, that's snapping turtle.
I could have gotten you.
He perceived you.
You do think about that, what's beneath you in the lake? Come to the surface and show me that's much better, way less scary lake monsters, snakes, large fish, even stepping on something in a body of water that's not dirt or sand is mortifying, right, because what's beneath Yeah? What have I just upset? What have I just awoken?
Yeah?
Did you have local lake monsters? I feel like, I feel like in Massachusetts they probably do have la like monsters.
I think I tried to get some of that started.
Come on, everybody, Hey, did you.
Guys see that look kind of like a kind of like a Hones Civik but in that eyes And I definitely, I definitely.
Tried to start a rumin that there was something behind.
The water tower.
Oh I like that?
Yeah, like you guys see that?
But no, there were There was.
No no lake monsters. You were robbed.
We are our corner of the world is too fearful of God to uh sure.
You've got the Puritan Puritans weren't thinking about lake monsters. They didn't have their in the after all. Yeah, it was too fun, too too icy.
Oh my god, the Locker's monster. That the dunk of donk looking.
Back at that biggest ass in Scotland.
The biggest ass in Scotland.
All HaGush looking back going damn swimming around the lake. Look at me.
I love the Lochness monster. We had the we had the bear like monster, bear lake monster. That's kind of I think that straddles Utah and Idaho. Who was the bear like monster? No one will ever know, too shy.
They're all shy.
They're so shy. Yeah, cripplingly shot.
If they weren't shy, then yeah, but we'd be bored with them exactly. People.
You can't get bored with shy people.
That's a really good I feel like celebrities should look to these scryptids to know when to go away, you know, because you got to pop up. You can't go on.
You can't be on subway takes everything you know, and you can't be wearing the hat.
You can't you can't be Yeah, like you know, do tar.
And then vanished for a while.
Yeah, yeah, let us miss you, let us miss you.
Let's wonder about your health and then yeah, that's I think that's like the best thing a celebrity can do. People concerned about there's a mysterious illness, and then you resurface, and even if your next thing isn't that great, people are thrilled to have you back.
Do a play, do a play, or say, you know what, don't even do a play. Say I'm going to do a play because no one sees.
Okay, Planchet does not have bronchitis considering a play.
She's yeah, yeah, she's threatening to do a chorus line. Yeah, she's threatening to be the choreographer a chorus line.
Take it again from the top a five six seven et.
She'd be so good. That's perfect cast.
My leg or. I tore my meniscus in high school and I did community theater of chorus line. But I was in backstage chorus and I had a T shirt that said backstage chorus and had to come out during the current call.
They put they made you wear that T shirt. Yeah, that's unfair.
I think I gave it to someone when I used to have it.
That's abusive behavior.
Huge to hear a whole crowd laughing like at during a curtain call, like mat use the show, and then backstage comes out and takes a long bow.
And this was because of the injury. I mean, so I was told they're like, thank Gaudy injured.
Then they would have let me on stage if it hadn't been for the hopefully but yeah, so the bar like monster, what are we talking?
Fowl? Are we talking?
Man? Oh? I would love a wet fowl. Oh my fowl, cryptid, sopping, wet, wet feathers covered in mud. Hey fuck, yeah, that's the sound of the bare like monster.
Yeah, yeah, it sucks to be that. Yeah, we both knew it was a pained existence.
No, I mean, I think the general thought was that it was kind of serpentine. But I feel like everybody just goes to NeSSI they just imagine it's another dinosaur. I'm imagining a kind of plumped up platy pie. Oh that's not a bad like monster.
Yeah yeah, like half bird half.
Right, Like, you don't want to even see a platypus.
No, has anyone have you ever known someone who's seen a platypus? Never meant anybody tell me when? Okay, so you think, tell me what you think is the side of the platypus? Tell me when?
Oh great question? Who knows? Could be that it's because a quarter infinitesimal? Okay, keep going there. I would say, like a newborn puppy size. Yeah, yeah, is that right? Oh I don't know.
I did that like a while.
Then let me try with you going going when? Oh, so about the size of a chips a hoy?
Not many?
No? No, not like it could be or it could be it could be huge. It could be a nutrient with the architecture of a platypus. I feel like it needs to be big, fine architecture to support the all of the things that went wrong right, Like, it can't be something, it can't be delicate or fragile. It's got to be like you don't have a disgusting and god bless but they are gross.
It's spilt like a suspension bridge plot pus is gross.
It's a gross creature. Oh, totally, So it's got to be big.
The eggs. The eggs is t m I. Oh yeah, that's that's the first time I heard t m I in biology. Yeah, they're like, hey, and just so you guys know, they lay eggs. Everyone's like.
Classes dismissed's we're going home early.
This that should be live birth. It's that should be a live birth creature. Totally. I just learned that there's one snake that does live birth. Which class actually, I guess kind of equal. I can't remember. I wish they make think of it. What they make a big stink of it. Then you want to know so you can avoid them. Imagine the snake just giving birth to.
I spend a lot of time with snake. Oh yeah, hold.
Your car on vacation. There's someone right now calling the police. I think a snake has been left in a car in the hots that's the one that you probably could leave in a hot car.
Yeah, you have to be that.
You have to be such a punk to call like a's a certain type of person that would call the police to see a snake that saw a snake in a car, well, tattoo. You have to be like, h you have to be pretty hard. Yes, other people would be like fuck the snake.
They really would like dog cat whatever. Of course you're probably trying to break the window totally. Yeah, no, thank you're probably happier. You have to actively be on your way to the Reptile Expo to be the sort of person that calls about the snake in the car. That's right.
Do you think without all the snake lore and like religion and stuff, we would think different.
We'd probably think a little differently. Oh, interesting, if they weren't kind of a symbol of evil. Yeah, they got they really got a bad shake. Or is that just the easiest writing like is it a chicken in the egg thing? Right? Because it is just naturally scary and it's moving without legs. That's the devil of course that would tempt you into eating fruit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And also spiders I guess didn't really ever have.
Much of a chance much lore. They just I think they were just actively biting people and hurt, harming, so they were right.
Well, they came around I think in the eighties.
Yeah, they were introduced in nineteen eighty seven. And initially it was like at cees and it was like the tech people were like, Okay, we can do this. And then as we do with all tech, it got out of control.
It got completely out of control.
Religion embraced out and said this is evil. Yeah, and then other than we also got snake church, which is which is also the whole thing, snake Church. Yeah, but no spiders have I think of just kind of they're kind of a bad boy. They're such a bad boy. You don't need the Bible telling you of spider's bad, but not a centipede you feel bad for.
It's a difference between a freak.
Centipede is a full freak that can't really help itself. It's yeah, but the bad boys, it's it's got an agenda, at least some type of structure in its life.
And you stay away from it.
The freak doesn't have any friends.
People don't even kill centipedes because they're like.
A centipede has got a rolling luggage behind it at all times, carrying its things. Yes, wearing boxers is shorts. Everyone's even the nerds like, oh, we can't do anything with that.
We can't.
Sorry, Hey, you're on your own. Sorry man, Oh well, I think I'm gonna take them off my shirt. I'm getting a little warm, okay, which is fine.
Forgot you had a tunic underneath that.
Yeah, it's good to just be able to constantly reveal yourself.
That's it's good to be able to just pop that thing off.
Oh how many shirts can you pop off? That's one thing a western wear does best. And Western ware kind of stopped being like western ware.
You thought was having a thing around two thousand and nine to twenty eleven, the snap buttons.
Oh yeah, of course, and then something happened headed back you think, Oh yeah, it's absolutely headed back Big Sky Country or everywhere. I think it's creeping in. Yeah, yeah, it's probably as close as the Riverside right now. It's stopping to gas up in Riverside on its way down. I think that Western war is on its way back, is it staying in a in like a it's saying at a prints place, Okay, has not seen him a long time, and they're like, well he called and asked. He's like, what was I supposed to do?
Thanks so much? Man, Hey, this was really good.
Let's do that.
Hey, let's do this again. And then you're apologizing to your spouse about the whole weekend. Know, this is coming back trying to do a trend report and that's all yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like v next are now. I mean see people want to.
Time and at least has been doing a slow and at least has been doing the slowest slow zoom on my nip and.
There's now microscopic of we can see what's living on that now the viewers just trying to be.
You can't and it's it's slowly.
Our sound are talking is just.
Oh the work girl heard.
And just my nippled beneath your Yeah. Wow, this episode was crazy nipple monsters.
Yeah yeah, I think I think a collared.
What do you call this? This is a what?
Yeah?
When it's not like a buttoned collar and it's like attached to.
What it's woodworking stuff for Robin right.
It's right, I would I would say it's a pilots. No, I would say it's like there's something about very airplane, very being very very aviation in the sky the sky, right, yeah, And I can't say what it is. And mine's more of a would you say this is a key hole? They call that a keyhole shirt when it's like kind of revealing.
This is something you you Oh my god, you look like you could be in the White Lotus right now as going to the hospitality.
You look like the guy.
And do you watch the White of course?
Of course I love the White Lotus.
I'm gonna need something to happen.
Though, I mean, we're taking our time.
Talk's gone. He got gay Talk's gun?
Yeah, gaytar or gay tar, gayuitar.
I believe gauitar. Gauitar.
It's a guitar for gay man got his gun. Yeah, the gun. Now that's just a montage with they're partying. People loved the partying montage and listen anything Mike White makes I'm there to watch and enjoy. Oh totally. But the party montage for me was I started to get it. I was starting to get into spy movie territory. It was because I'm not experienced with parties. But it's a little bit like, okay, very good time.
If you're ever filming and you're making something and you need public domain footage of partying, that's what that That's what it is. That was. That was like, it was like thirty minutes of a little long with Michelle Monahan.
I love to see Michelle monahanue letting lose. She's doing a great job, doing wonderful but proposed you doing a full on Groundlings character. It's like, I'm pushing back. I think she's doing the character so accurately that it's a cartoon.
See, Okay, this is where you're jack right, and just everyone is not giving characters anymore. So when someone gives a character, yeah, you're like, oh, they're actually you doing front facing common but it's no, that's acting. Everyone else is just showing.
Up and just doing their normal voice.
That was everybody feeling yeah, oh my god, the brothers, Oh my god, the fucking brothers.
Well, the dad British, you know what's that guy's name.
Whenever you see someone give it a really good performance, obviously.
They're a brit and they're doing like an obscure Southern accent. I mean the backflips that man's doing. If you're ever audition for something and there's a British dude and that you go home, you go home. They don't want an American actor for this.
If they can do brit No, it's not the other way round, Absolutely not.
The Americans goes right, Oliver twist every times, graceful.
We can't do it.
Can you do any accent?
Hmmm mmm? I could do. Okay, We're gonna get your family back. That's the blood time. And that's South African. That's a DiCaprio.
That's over there. It's bling bling over HiT's bling bang. We're gonna get your family back family. Can you do any Oh god, it's so you feel so naked when you're trying to do an accent. Hey, we gotta we got to prove our special skills in a resume. I mean you can do Midwest. I mean I can do anybody can do a Midwest the friends of mcdoran. Don't you yeah, don't you have an attack? It was in Wadder whoa Okay?
I like when I like when you can spell it out?
Can you do Pittsburgh? No? My god, that one feels like you have to go to a witch to learn that you don't just do a Pittsburgh accent, Like, what the I mean that's another language when you say you got you?
Yeah, it's a witch.
I wouldn't able to even point it out, like it's such a it's very obscure. I only know if they zoom in on Pittsburgh in the beginning. Oh yeah, then if it's mister rogers neighborhood.
That's right.
He didn't have a Pittsburgh accent. There's the flaw in the shoe Pittsburgh. Yes, oh he has the little uh. I went to Pittsburgh for a wedding and wrote the what is that a funicular that goes up the hill? Doesn't he have a little trolley or something? Yeah? Yeah, I'm pretty sure on a list? Does this feel right to you? Analas is confused at least gave us the light Fred Rogers, turn.
It off, turn it offwo pounds his whole life.
One hundred and forty two. Famously, he had have bragged about it the first of every episode, taking my shoes off one hundred and forty four in shoes.
Yes, yes, because he's his couch is constantly weighing him one hundred.
And forty eight in Puppets.
Yeah, really I never started thinking about what of the what was the scary puppet?
Oh, the kind again devil. Yes, it was kind of a devil.
Is It was Lady Elaine.
And her face was very rubbery, wasn't it. And her nose was very unforgiving.
Yeah, And and she had she had a chin.
And she was it was like the chin almost me nose. You know that persons have to know good, that's right.
She terrified when you could see the dream Works kid fishing from their chi, from the chin to the nose, you know, you know some.
Where it's his movie. There's some ip that could be exploited.
Oh, they're doing it, and they're having Will Poulters playing him. I actually am happy to believe that Will Polters as a DreamWorks kid, and it's him finally catching something.
It's him finally find out and it's of course a love letter to movies. That's he catches a VHS, teaches children about the importance of films.
Yes, and he filas it, d bones and filates the DHS coming brutal. Yeah, the Daniels are doing it, so it's gonna be it's gonna be w It's gonna be fine.
Ah, it's gonna be fine, gonna be talking. Is this e Bon's world? Woo oh my god? Oh is this a fucking internet from twenty twelve? Yes, yes, any anyway, I think I feel like I should give us the light to play the game. I think we're to the reports that actually I do want to ask you. I don't want to leave the clothing before asking you, like what your shopping style is, because you do obviously like how are you filling out your wardrobe? You're the only person in the world I care about asking this question.
I I try to do a different outfit every time I'm on stage, and that is getting pretty crazy.
This sounds exhausting, and.
It's just very intuitive. I Am not to sound like you know, you'll maybe just you know, mystic or anything. But if I just wake up from a dream and I just have this, for example, I'm like, I need something with a purple faux for collar.
Sure, And I google purple faux for.
Collar and yeah, and I'm finding that this is this is all women stuff, I think, but typically finding thank you. I've been doing mostly on stage. I've been doing more British men's clothes with British men's bodies are fitted.
They're like my body.
Sure, the American body the Americans men closed is like you know, it's as John Wayne.
It's a refrigerator box every time, exactly exactly. And I'm sure you see this and you're very I would say, you're somebody that could be in the intro of one hundred and one Dollmations character with a dog or the dog.
I'm the rare guy who's walking himself and they cut to live action for that one and they play a low drone.
But yeah, it's but you have a very like more of a British energy.
I appreciate that people that, yeah, people that don't hear me speak if they just see photos of me jump to British. People that have known me from memes thought that al was British.
Interesting, Well, Fleming sounds British.
Oh yeah, sure, yeah, yeah.
Who's the other famous Fleming? Ian Fleming Ian Fleming? Yeah, uncle uncle, yeah. Part of the Barbara Barkley broccoln.
Broccoli, Barbara Broccley, which sounds like a Veggietails protagonist.
I keep saying Barbara Barkley, which is probably part of the Charles Foundation.
Well, Barbara Barkley sounds more like a human name, unless like a.
Children like the first thought someone had for a fake name. What's your name? Barbara Buckley Ralph's produce section.
Yeah, looking at Watching twenty twenty with Barbara Walters or whatever. Barbara Broncley Bugley, Barbara Brockley.
Yeah, I'm glad that she's kind of I don't know what the drama is there. People at wore over James Bond. I think she gave up. Maybe Amazon took over. The details are so exhausting. I can't stand it.
But I didn't know they were. Wait, is there is there an issue?
Barbara owned James Bond and somehow she's lost control of the IP he got away from it, slippery fish.
It was a win the day on top of the Empire State Building.
Damn it and Bezos. It's in his teeth? Is beyd his gyro copter, the nets, the Hudson target.
But they're gonna put is it?
Is it?
Josh O'Connor, do you think? Oh?
Is he? Is he up for us?
I heard some sort of thing. I just believe I.
Heard it was truly the challenges guy.
Oh that makes sense if he was there.
I'm there.
I'm there on opening night. He's a little young that feels like teen bond to me.
That's what that's what it is. It's Bond Junior.
It's like ju.
If they did Bond Jr. That I think I would at least it would revitalize the formula.
And they want to have a lot of.
Oh teens, they're shooting in the same studios last Man's standing. Yeah, Barbara demanded it. Yeah, okay, I think it's time to play a game. Were gonna play a game called Gift Recurse. I need to number between one and ten from you. Seven.
Okay.
I have to do some like calculating to get our game pieces right now. You can promote, recommend, do whatever you want to.
Do some basic math, yes, okay, I recommend. Oh I hate to do this. I watched Companion, which is a Sophie Thatcher I think is her name. I get obsessed with actors, and I got obsessed with Sophie Thatcher and I that she played. Oh, I not even I don't want to give anything away, but it's a good little horror movie that I liked. That was fun and Dennis Quaid's son plays a douche in it who and he does a really convincing job of it.
And I'm not in it or involved in it anyway.
In fact, even when I when I audition for things now, it's almost like they're just trying to make sure I'm not the right person for the part. That's kind of that's kind of what an audition feels like. We thought we were sure you weren't. We wanted to really make sure you were wrong that' thank you for coming, we can cross you off.
Let's see here. Oh my god, I'm a mess. You're doing this with gloves. Forget it, you were typing with gloves. I'm just trying to select with gloves.
For those who went home. Bridger isn't.
I don't know if you ever went to space camp, but when you have to put your hands into the space box in the midst and you're wearing it's like what it feels that's what Bridge is doing on his I never got I got robbed of that opportunity.
I never got to do space Box.
We're too busy doing foods.
Foods, learning to how to make no baked cookies.
It's like what they yell at Urgent care foods is crashing foods foods.
Can you tie me to these and see.
If I go after the show, I've got a gun to shoot you down. Thing's gonna out of control. Okay, No, this is this is how we play Gift or curse. I'm going to name three things and you're going to tell me if they are a gift or a curse and why, And I'll tell you if you're right or wrong. Because there are correct answers, you can fail, and to fail on a fifth anniversary tough feeling. We can't have that.
Okay.
This first one of this is from a we don't even know who it's from. It's an unmarked grave of It's from Instagram Live, so we don't know your name. Gift you a curse. Sneezing while driving.
Curse. I mean it's pleasure, it's one sixteenth of an orgasm, but but you're blinded. I mean it's where it's it's incredibly dangerous, you know, sneezing while driving because you go you can't because you physically cannot seize with your eyes open unless you're you know, ci A trained.
Oh they probably do train for that.
Yeah, West Point, they spend they spend a little weekend doing that.
It's a little trick.
You gotta pinch yourself right here, you got you got. When you get a little true, then you can graduate. Is you get your gun in your badge.
It is probably a an orgasm that got to be scientific.
Right, Well, that's what we were talking.
In the fractions of course.
And orgasm doing cocaine is is like six orgasms. Remember, they would tell you that's like Jesus, it's like a full body orgasm.
That's what they would te us about coke.
Do not do this wrong.
It's a gift.
Sneezing while driving, right, it's a vacation. What a feeling. It's a vacation. It's an escape. Yeah, yeah, it's a trial. I feel like it's like God's little driving test. It's like, that's so fun. What else can he put in front of you other than a sneeze? You're right, how are you gonna do it?
If if the divine were in charge of your of getting your license, that would be before parallel parking, sneezing in the on the freeway, put a little pepper in your in your snout, you're driving, face you pass, You didn't total in fucking t bone the bridge.
Yeah, it's absolutely a gift for that alone. It's just like, how often are you put you're going seventy, you're blowing snot all over the in shield zone. Baby, Seventies is about as fast as I'll go. Yeah, and that's when I'm in.
A rush before you give out.
Not the car, I pass.
That's seventy one. I passed out, swarms across the brew.
Forty. It's like when a pilot goes into the into the what the G zone?
This is why we keep you on a scooter.
The TA zone. That's why they keep you in the scooter.
That's right, But yeah, it is a gift. Seizing while driving is absolutely a gift. God's little driving test. And we've all been through it. It levels the playing fields for all of us. We've all been through it.
But if everyone seeds the same time, Oh that look like it looks like the next Diehard movie. What will Bruce stew Yeah, everyone's car just.
Exact same angle. Everyone just goes and Bruce has to come out. Oh fuck yeah, it's it's up there with Bee in car. But with what with the b in the car, you be in the car. I have we love to be in the car.
I want to drove a tree frog from North Carolina to like Vermont. I was like, oh, oh god, do you have to go back?
Is in the passenger seat back back, of course, complaining about your driving turned down the music.
Didnight. It's gonna be good.
Teenage, Okay, you've got I've seen Katy Perry in the flesh. I literally have before fame at sun Dance performing acoustic guitar. Can you imagine anything you're gonna.
Get You're gonna get sniped for sake, like she's trying to.
She's been trying to track me down. I'm the last survivor of that concert, and she won't get it. She plays guitar. She played on the side. This was some sort of fever dream.
No, no, this is real.
You know, because I lived and I grew up in Salt Lake. We would up to Sundance like as teens are like in college, just to experience what was going on and will holding the cross I hope, yeah, of course, of course, trying to let people know what you're doing is wrong.
Or just even under the shirt self protection.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Case it got a little too crazy, but we ended up at a Katy Perry concert or like I think it was a few different musicians. And this must have been in two thousand and seven, whoa before I kissed girls. Yes, it was like it was her crossover from I'll do it, I kissed a girl and I'll do it again, nis.
Threat, I kissed the girl and you can't prove it. You can't prove shit. You didn't see shit, you don't know shit.
Uh no, she was. We went to this concert and here's this woman, Katy Perry on acoustic guitar trying to I think, kind of crossover from Christianity to kissing a girl and et cetera. And so it was kind of like they trying to get out of that plastic bag kind of a thing. Yeah, yes, and it rubbed me the wrong way. Certainly must say that she's blue onto the scene. And again this could have been another Katy Perry. I don't know that much about this was Katy Perry. The world of Katy Perry.
So I felt when I saw a Vampire Weekend play a basement show, I was like and like before they blew up.
And how was that experience? These guys, That's what the Cassio.
I remember thinking like, oh, take off the boat shoes, and then they're like, nassy, Yeah, they're one of the biggest.
I'm a terrible judge of who's gonna pop.
Oh, don't think they're gonna pop.
You're fucked. Of course my taste. Oh, I mean, I've had a lot of career nightmares about realizing all the things I like are the things that fail.
Yeah, basically exactly.
Katy Perry. I saw her at a she was at a I went to see Ellen do stand up, and Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom were in front. They were in the back row, and so they she comes in in a bodysuit and she was showing I didn't know this to make this part of the body hoigh.
Because it's all about seeing things that you shouldn't be see.
Yeah, of course, it's like, wait, why there's never a hole there? Like if I had a hole here, oh, people would go nuts. People would be like dogs. I've got a super U T shirt that's got a little hole there, and every time I left my shirt up, I think, oh, people are going crazy.
People are all fours begging for more. All right, sorry, Okay, what's the next, gift.
For a course curse? Uh, okay, so you've gotten.
I've gotten zero free, we've done two, we've done.
Two on at least you've done one. Yes, we've done. Sneezing while driving? Okay, gift your a curse. This is from alissener named Emily. Emily trying to figure out what gave you food poisoning.
Trying to figure out what gave you food poisoning a gift or a curse?
Wow, Okay, I believe that you that there is no trying, there's knowing when you you know. But I'm even speaking of broccoli. One time I went to Lemonade. That place gone for good?
In the broccoli?
Is it?
I think they're all gone.
Ellie X still has one.
I think a lot of.
Things that should have been dead a long time.
The broccoli.
I got sick for broccoli, and I the second I began my spew, I see a stock image of broccoli in my entire You just know, you just know, So you don't you don't try to figure it out. You either know or you don't.
So you're saying gift, oh or curse? Right?
I guess I didn't answer the question. I going to figure out is a it's a gift.
It's a gift, correct I you know, I'm kind of on the same page. The body knows what the body knows. It's in your DNA. That's right, that's right if you don't know. But this is where it becomes a gift. It becomes a mystery, and it begins. You're going back, you're looking at the polaroids. It combines mystery, the potential to accuse someone, accuse a lot of people, and customer service combined. These are all the things I love to do.
It's a beautiful trifector right there.
So look, I've always known what poisoned me. I've always known while eating it. Basically, here it goes, I'm out of control of my life.
Desert sushi, you know, Yeah, let's get Let's get sushi and palm springs.
Chicken under the car, you know whatever.
Chicken under the girl interrupted and she keeps out on the bed. Remember Brittany Murphy, I have a single.
Interrupted is something I don't know about.
She's embarrassing. She has like a rotissery chicken under her bed.
Costco.
They're like, what's wrong with this girl?
And it's like, you've got a chicken under there, got chicken for poisoning? That's that's no mystery. She's not figuring that out. Okay, so you've gotten one out of tude so far. That's pretty good, not bad. That's really good. And finally, this is from one of our Patreon listeners named Caitlin Gift her a curse msg Oh the seasoning?
Oh very much a gift?
Why oh? Because you're like, if you're going to go out, it's like doing something naughty. It feels like because everyone speaks so ill of it. Right when you have it, it's like a question.
Yeah, it's a gift, of course. I mean msg. You know, I feel like there must have been some dateline or report in nineteen ninety four saying it his poison, which is simply not true. It's a fun season and what is it for salt? It makes up a lot of different cuisines that I adore.
Is a Madison Square garden.
It's Madison Square Garden. Okay, interesting? How have I never made that.
Kind of They franchised there, yea, they.
Made into a season.
Hey, hey, we're doing really well. You think we should be a seasoning?
I want to say it's mono sodium. The g is there's the mystery. Yeah, gangster gangster like gangster mono SoundCloud wrappers.
So when so when I hear sodium, Yeah, I think we're talking salt crystals.
I love salt. My low my blood pressure is rock bottom. I need as much all do as I can get.
Oh yeah, no I haven't.
I haven't had to take it up, take it.
I don't even bother taking my I freak out when they.
Come from the doctor says no, I didn't. I didn't sign up for this.
Yeah, we don't want to know.
You can take my temperature, but do not.
I hate when I hate when they squeeze it and then you feel your thing pumping.
Oh there's your body. There's I don't want to know. It's out of body experience.
I don't want to know.
So yeah, MSG rocks.
I love m s's saying it's monodium glutamate glutamate.
One sodium glutamate, just one do so much work.
Exactly, getting so much getting shipped on my baby, MSG is it's the pit bulls of seasoning.
I am not kidding. I thought pit bulls seriously. Pit bulls have been so maligned by the dateline. Yes, article, or why do I keep saying article? It's a news magazine and we all trust it. I feel like those daytime news shows in the nineties were like, pit bulls are evil, piples do not have m S.
Street York shouldn't have one.
That's one outfit, and MSG is going to kill you. You your kids can blow your house up. Wrong? Wrong, wrong. Yeah, I'm petting a pit bull and eating a bowl of MST, pulling that on whatever you.
Want, feeding my pitple MSG, as we see, of course, out of my own mouth, and he's wearing a little beaded collar to show you that he's not gonna be mean.
My only question is it wet or dry the food?
Yeah, MSG, Yeah, Well there's only one of them, so it can't be too wet. Oh yeah, so it's monogue the glue the gluekid, I mean, dries it out.
Yeah, it's just there.
Yeah, No, it's wet. Well, because it's usually part of like a noodle.
It's yeah, usually like on a it's in wet foods usually, so you should be able to search that on door dash just MST wet foods, wet foods. That should be a whole category.
Italian Japanese vegan wet foods.
But soup does not fall under that category. That's another thing. That's a drink.
I mean we know that it's a drink.
Or a cereal. So you keep that out of my wet food really, keep out in the rain. I don't do soups for that reason. You don't need a soup. I love a soup. That's Ellie's biggest problem. No soups, very few soups. Where do you find soups? Toronto, Toronto? You gotta go to Toronto, Portland. Yeah, and probably northern Florida they're not eating soup. And South Florida. But yeah, may of course, I mean chowders, what have you.
I can't do a creepy soup.
Oh that is that's a line too far, Yeah, bridge too far.
You know.
I like a beef stew. Oh, I love a good beef stew. I'm getting Oh, and you never get an opportunity for a stew.
I thought you were gonna say, and you never get hungry.
And you never get that's the thing everybody knows about you.
Yeah, yeah, a stew Because a stew takes a village.
It takes a village and no restaurant can gather that to make a step.
Yeah, yeah, you asked for a restaurant.
They go, no, I'm sure there's the exit unless is this room and board, Like if you're staying the night, if you're a traveler.
The shutters are being banged against the house and there's a storm, then you can have a stew. Yeah, while you try to get to bed in a creaky bed.
Bernie's Mountain Dog is gonna wake you up tomorrow, then you can have a stew. Other than that.
Note, you know, Bernie's Mountain dogs live to be like six.
Oh, that's tough. It's like an anol an anol. This is that's the sort of thing where the breeding has gone bad.
Yes, you gotta get little Chuawa. And that's what the Chuas are.
They're Conquista doors in La.
They hook up with every dog and they and what they're doing. Think they're just slatting, But what they're doing is they're adding the life expectancy. They're saying, we want you to live, we want your proseny to live another three or four years. That's all they're doing.
This should be a law that, like every pure bread and dog right now should just be bred with the chuava and moving forward. Every animal should have a but at least a drop of chihuahua.
Right, what does sound like something that chiualas would would want to get started?
Oh, they'd get behind that.
They'd be like, sick, little freak, tell me in I got nothing.
Well you got uh two out of three? Two out of three.
That's bad, that's great.
Could have flopped.
It's like grades that you start getting senior year.
Oh yeah, of course. It's like, oh, I've written into the college. You can't catch me now.
I got in an early decision round two, not not round one, trying to get in a vast round one. They said, yeah, nah, Drake, try again anywhere else.
Okay, on a least, I think it's time for your gift a curse. Alys has one. We're both going to answer to and try to be correct.
Great gifter a curse the Little Shake Connections does the game Connections.
Are connection connections? Okay, So this is a hard one for you, and you're gonna have to speak to Okay, I'm going to demand you speak to it.
Okay.
Connections is a like Wordles style game where you have to It has four different categories and you have to like essentially figure out which words belong in which category. There are sixteen words, four categories. How do we line these up? And when you get it wrong? Sounds way harder than a wordle. Oh, it's way harder. And that's why I do it, because I'm smarter than everyone, Like, yeah, you need the stimulation. Yes, world could be up right, whordles the lottery. My word is just two letters.
And I get thirty.
That's worth trying. Maybe that's maybe that is hard. Actually, it might be difficult. It might be harder. It's worth trying, somebody.
Actually the intent was funny, but in practice what you aren't discussing is a much more challenging game.
So connections is imagine wordle. If you get it wrong and the whole while looking at it, there's a visual shake.
Oh fuck, what do you think of that?
It's negative reinforcement.
Negative reinforcement. I think that's brilliant.
And I'm sure that whoever figured that out studied you know, uh, you know, psychology and how to hurt us, you know, and things that when people are working with us on that on that kind of visceral level, like negative reinforcement or what feels good what doesn't feel like apps know what feels Oh, they know exactly, So that means they know what feels bad, yes, and just start doing things that feel bad.
That's funny. That's a gift. That's a gift.
I think as a wordle Uveser curse. You don't know this feeling, Chris. This is a bad, genuinely horrible feeling. Like your eyes are like, it hurts. It hurts to see the shake. And I don't need that from the New York Times, not right now, not in this environment, not in this atmosphere.
I need is Klein in a Wizard of Our situation.
Screaming into a microphone.
Yeah it's high pitched.
Death whistle, death whistle, Yeah it is. It hurts, and you know it's the beginning of my day. I need a little. My self esteem is at rock bottom at all times. And we're talking about about three thirty.
Curtains in your penthouse con though.
Squinty wiping the crust from my eyes. My hair is still wet.
Thirty cast begging for food.
Get out of here. I gotta play connections. But it really does hurt, and I feel like they what they need to do. It should be a warm glow. When you get something wrong. It should be just like an amber glow. Gentle parenting, gentle parenting, Thank you. I don't know if that's where we are, where we stand with parenting, or if we've gotten back into shaking. I don't think we have. I think we're probably headed that way. Oh yeah, back with Western.
That's a problem with rubber band. You know, you go so far and then the other it's yes, the correction, the correction.
And I feel like this is the beginning of that correction because it feels it's agony and I hate it. It's a curse.
It's agony.
It's a gift, a gift.
Not on this episode, we are to me this is an indication that we are one step away from actually having the phone physically shake. Now, have we had a chance.
We touch our phones all the time like a rumble pack.
Yeah, start our phones touch us.
That's what I want to know.
You that.
Oh see, this is where you get red flags from people you work with and you start to and then you'res down the road. There's an actual betrayal and you think, oh, well, they wanted the phone to shake.
But what you're saying, analys is actually that one day this could lead to the phone giving you intuitive cranial massage. That's that is what because think about your phone. Yeah, you're right, and also it's a two way street. We're touching that thing all day, phone touches back.
This all goes back to snakes. So, yes, you think it's a good idea, Now it's the devil.
That's right.
Well, I'm correct. I don't know what either of you are talking about. We need to answer at least a couple of listener messages people have sent in voicemails or what happened send them.
Let's see something.
A couple of listeners chained up outside.
Yeah, they'll die. They won't be asking any questions.
And it turned off hot tub so it's fifty five degrees. Please let us not call them first.
But it's actually getting it's pretty bad.
No listeners sent voice notes and we got we got too many to answer on the show. We'll do that through other episodes, but let's do a couple at.
Least, are you using the cameras that BMX bikers use? That like naturally follow up?
Do you say BMX, I had a dream last night that I had to do. I had to go on a BMX on Jimmy Fallon. I'm not kidding. I don't know where, I don't know. I don't care about either of those things. They're probably both the opposite of my personality, and I like it was like, oh, I have to do BMX question.
At least playing you in he better bella.
Silence, silence, I silently write a BMX hunt the Tonight show, A tiny little BMX all Fox racing gear. Tom.
Yeah, you're on the pegs. You're doing one of those handlebar Remember how bad asked those kids were. I thought they were going to rule the world.
Where are those most of them?
Yeah?
YEA rough endings for this that a lot of kids die from high school, and I think it's most of the Fox racing. I mean yes, yes, yeah, yeah, math gets.
You, Yes it does, Yes, it does.
Onalise. Let's answer some questions.
Hi Bridger, Hi Analise.
My name is Shane.
I am a Day one listener and my question for you, Bridger is whether or not you have any special hidden talents, like something kind of random or weird that you never really had an opportunity to show off. But you have this aching, burning desire to really have an opportunity to share with the world.
They do. Thanks people. I know that anyone in showbiz has no hidden talent. Yeah, I don't have like a visible.
We have We have put every little single piece of our abilities on public display.
They truly have nothing. And people are like, that's I guess that's she's trying.
You know who this, You know who's to blame for this? And I hope I'm getting your name right. Amanda Seyfried who played who sang the Jonny Mitchell song and played like the the freaking like a sideways instrument.
So did she do that in a show on Jimmy Fallen.
Oh?
I thought you were gonna say, like she did it in the The Therese TV.
That's what I'm talking about. She Oh, yeah, if you stay after.
The credits, it's a bonus scene.
She plays a dul somewher or whatever.
Elizabeth Holmes on the auto harp looping well. And so she showed up and was like, look what I can do and.
She sings like a pitch perfect Johny Mitchell.
Of course you don't have those. I mean, do you have hidden skills of all?
No? No, no, I have put I have uh commercialized every one of my abilities.
You got to be everything. You gotta do it all. Yeah, yeah, I mean like minor, like I would say you're pathetic. Like I could claim to having a good uh internal clock, good circadian rhythm. Yes, like I can generally tell what time of day it is. And that's a great that is that is a great thing to do on America's Got Talent. Oh you just stand there. I'm pretty sure it feels like eight oh one the audience, how flads boom, We're going to Ventura. I could do that. I will say I'm a powerful dancer. Yeah, but that's kind of part forming and just all of this.
Yeah.
And then in Boy Scott's I was a good This was a scary one for a child to be good at this.
You're a good good shot. Stop wait we boys shout camp.
We had to do rifle shooting. No, look, this was a maybe this was like deep cover for my homosexuality. I was like, I've got to do something straight.
Was nineteen twenty.
Turn of the century. No, this was you know, a boy scout camp. You would have to shoot something, probably cans or targets.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, I mean they're killers. And you were a good shot. I had to shoot from my friends were bad and I helped them cheat.
See you, we're that good.
I was that good. I mean I haven't tried since, but I guess people should be forewarned that you're a good shot. Yeah. I mean, see that is see you that.
Has hidden talent, the fact that you are a good shot. No, I can't think of anything like I was bad. My dad really wanted he was. He was really it was a ship rat as a kid, so he wanted me to be a sailor. Oh and I can't read them.
To dissociated, so I'm always capsizing. That feels like a scale to put you on a path.
To be able to capsize. Uh.
I played the tube? Okay, there we go, Okay, play how long did you play the tuba?
Well? Played the baritone horn, and then in high school we didn't have a too of player, so they gave me the tube, and no one taught me how, and so I would just I just tried to, but I did. I hated playing the bassline, so I would try to play the melody and they'd be like, you got to hold out, and Louis, louay, you gotta hold on the baseline.
I'd be like, that's no fun. They're like we can hear you like you were overpowering every noise that's been made.
And not and not getting it right because I don't have I don't have that, so.
No, wow too bug. Was there ever any temptation to join like a ska band? They do too.
We got into it. We me and my best friends almost did that. Wow, and luckily.
It came through life had other plans.
Yeah, because I did play a little trump a little trump bone briefly, right, but that you have to be.
A talk about it's.
Clairvoyance and also knowing this is it's not.
There's like you really have to know the just general feel.
You have to tap into your ancestors like to know. And it's like crazy to be like this is be wow.
Yeah, there's no chance. I need the black and white keys. I need a real clear indication of what I'll be pushing you tickle those ivories. I'm tickling them so bad. At the piano I took ten years. Yeah, I couldn't possibly my.
Piano teacher asked me to stop, please stop after after we had a mutual wow, you're not not even split third grade because my sister was so good because you got to be a fucking rule follower.
I'm I'm sorry. You got to be people.
The people that were really killing it in Piano Lessons, Yeah, it's they're not. I mean the world that they're setting themselves up for a world for a pre nine to eleven one.
The kids that got kicked.
Out of piano Oh, we were ready to go.
Now, let's let's mike them up. Let's let's hear it from they got.
Let's hear from the disruptors who are trying to sight read at the recital for a duet.
Ban from Piano Lessons, asked.
To step down. Hey, Chris, we don't want your money anymore.
When someone is like saying this is bad for my business, I still you know you're not You shouldn't be playing that instagment, you know you Okay. I feel like we answered that.
I think we did a wonderful job answering that. Let's do Let's do two more, Let's do sixteen more. Let's do at least sixteen more. Have the less one not be a question. They'll just be reading a.
Book and open ended an essay.
Hello Bridger, Hello, Anally's it is Stephen Ray Morris calling in to wish I said, no gifts. A happy fifth year anniversary for Believe. It's already been five years, and I just wanted to ask a question. I'm not sure if it's ever been asked on the podcast, but is there ever a gift that's too personal?
Anyway?
Love you both, congrats again.
Have a former employee make it through the fence.
Seeing that face you made, Steven. He found me to see the internal workings of the teeth.
What was the question? Are there too many as.
A gift to personal?
To personal?
Never? Never person never never never I means test. I think test results. You can have a fun moment with here's the you know, we're opening the envelope. We're all expecting something.
We know, yeah, we know you got something.
We know it can't be returned, so it's valuable. People are giving locks of their hair away, totally, people are people are grabbing hair, Sure, giving teeth, you know, tooth necklaces. I don't know that there's anything too personal, too scary. Sure, totally, it's a different We're talking about two different things. There too personal? Yeah, what is per I guess it's really what is personal to you? And uh, you know, I think that you just can't go too far.
You should push.
I think with gift giving you should be pushing as far as personal. Absolutely, the person should always before opening a gift from you should always be questioning what am I going to do? What? What am I going to do this?
Now that I know this?
Leave them wanting ads as much less as possible.
Security camp like a snapshot of you in a ring cam at an active crime scene or something, and have them you are implicating them.
Now this is you can do what you want with this, now that your fingerprints are all over that.
I just want you to know I was there. You can hate, you can not tell them, you can tell them.
That's why it's the gift. Yes, it's a project you can do at home.
An ethics class a PhD like a challenging ethics class.
Exactly. Yes. So the question is, no, Steve, and don't do not leave another voicemail.
Don't show your faith around here, Steve d.
Don't send a video message now that would be too personal. What about a singing telegram? They remember those? Have you gotten one before? Have you?
No?
I would love to I think they. I think Bob Dole outlawed that. I think he passed for a bill and like Elizabeth, you know, that was their kind of pet project. They had one that went too far.
Yeah, Frank Sinatra song they didn't like or something.
And then they also tried to pass a bill that was everyone has to have a vanity plate?
Bob did Bob and Liz? Yeah, I think pap your canon. Yeah, do you have a vanity plate? Not yet, that's a good answer.
Yeah, I want to vanity plate that I want to play that looks like an any plate, but it's not.
Oh we're like a disoriented or something. Yeah, what puts them in danger? So they're trying to figure out.
What's going on. It's like a sentence and it's like, no, trust me, it's not an any play. That's a good idea.
Do you have one?
No?
No, but again maybe not yet. I'm just waiting for the right guy to come along.
It's totally It's one of those things that your Maslow's hierarchy needs to be. That fridge needs to be stopped.
Oh yeah, of course.
It's like before you start assigning photos to contact, like you better, you know, you better taxes paid, You've.
Got to cross the teas dot the eyes, cholesterol good, yes, yeah, okay, one more? One more? Hello, Oh my.
God, Hello, it's a former guest, current special guests bridgerratulations on five years of kind of our podcast together when you really think about it.
Three.
I brought you a tiny ice cream that's mainly melted, and the big gun on.
My hands, and here's this.
Chinese spoon for you, and we can all take a moment and watch you enjoy something.
I think, how long has it spent out?
A couple of hours.
I brought it from home.
I drove it here and I came while I was in Santa Clarita for business, and I brought it from my home. I don't live there, I was renting a home. Yes, I got some ice cream right when I got there. Anyways, are you going to have some?
And that's any stretch of the five too, and driving beautiful drive it really is.
Around all of Santa Clara before coming here with the ice cream pre scoop.
Well, Alanta, I noticed that you had some stuff on your hands if you want, if you want to wipe off your hands with.
You what is this I mean? I I is that? Okay? I might have.
It for like five I mean he and I actually have been on this podcast together for five years, so I'm just is this some sort.
Of a bridger?
I love you more than she loves you, and I think that's very evident, look at pretty evident.
Yeah, that is definitely better than languages.
Probably didn't spend time at a Trump round.
I came all the way from Santa Clarita with my homemade ice cream that I purchased from Vond's. And this is how you treat me.
You know what.
I'm done?
No, I'm done.
My move.
To leave.
I have a scoop up the ice cream.
When you stay, we'll have a scoop and let's see how it pans out.
This looks so disgusting.
Is this safe? You think?
Oh, it's like baby vomit.
It's okay, stripping stage left.
The flavor is fresh.
It's past. We've added to the gloves.
I just didn't bring you anything.
I'm sorry.
I didn't bring you.
Anything a gift.
I feel rude and not offering you.
It's kind of something. There's something kind of teaky about it. Looks like a teaki drink.
It's very coconut, very Yeah.
I gotta go key on a Lisa's car.
By. Yeah, no problem.
I was waiting behind the curtain for the whole recording, and that's why the ice cream melted so much.
But I'm glad you got your pip.
Yeah, as long as you got to chat. Okay, I'll well goodbye.
And Aalise get bent.
Wow, I haven't heard it get bent in a while. Oh my god.
A now the cake is on the floor. The listener is absolutely baffled as what's just been going on?
Yeah, for the listener at home, we have a lukewarm ice cream, like like time has made it a milkshake, and then a cake. A Lise has dropped off a cake that had a lot of little Uh, it's on the ground.
I wouldn't call this a floor. I call this a ground.
It felt like a you know, a desperate attempt to get me to bend over in my tunic.
Yeah, it was a hit piece.
I mean, here's the cake. Maybe I will use a little spoon to have a bite.
It looks like a pie that might end up on Jerry Lewis.
You know, let's try it out.
Yeah, let's just give it a nice Oh.
That's so much frosting. That amount of vanilla I'm consuming.
There's a handsome amount of frosting on this cake.
Camera blinding. It's a blinding white frosting with a kind of yellow vanilla cake.
And do you want to cake? You know, I'm as good as it looks and as good as the way you're eating it actually is like a raccoon out of a Dumpster's a delicious cake.
Yeah, yeah, no, it looks good. Right.
I don't do desserts in public.
I barely do. Yeah, it's very hard.
I want to spare you my my face when I eat dessert.
Thank you, that's wonderful. Well, I've had my cake, I've got my passion fruit.
You're ready for bed.
Curl up with a good book. Curl up here in my festern fire.
With the Obama coffee table book.
Do they have a coffee table book? Yeah?
My mom when I my childhood bedroom, she kind of redid like it's an Airbnb. Now it's like it's like a there's a vague like picture of a waterfall or something, and there's the Obama Coffee table book that's right by my bed side whenever I'm there.
Wow, that's amazing. You're not welcome here. This is for Renters. Yes, yes, wow. I mean, what a wonderful time I've had with you. I've had, I've got the deeply valuable gifts from you. You can't You're not going to release any of this though, right No, no, no, no, no no no, just send me. This is like that record. I'm going to sell it to a tech and uh we'll let him enjoy in for like six million.
Yeah.
He must be dead by now. Fingers crossed. I think I just saw him at church. I think I saw him. I think I saw him the allegian.
He's clowning now, yeah, he was doing the stand up or clown show. Chad Donmiani was give it him. He's actually taking it pretty easy on him. Yeah.
What was that guy's name, Martin Shrekley. That's exactly right.
Yeah, wow, yeah, Martin Shrekley stee character. Even back then, they're like, yeah, Shrekley, how do we we?
I mean, simply I'll have another bite of cake to end the podcast.
Yeah, yeah, we got to sage that for those Litsten for those I don't even know if the cameras, the BMX by cameras can pick up the way Bridger is eating the cake.
I'm going to the core. But I'm in my drilling machine headed towards the center.
Obviously, we're not slicing the cake.
We're eating it from the side with a spoon.
What if you found out this is how I always did and people just hadn't said anything to me yet he never learned. Well, thank you for being here.
Oh, thank you for having me. This is honestly of all.
God bless and listener to. The podcast is now over. The turntable is spinning. I don't even know what happened to all the ashtrays now full of passion fruit.
That's right. And a picture of Steven spiel.
With the smallest little picture of Steven spiel.
Two by one Spielberg looking Dare I say not camera ready?
Absolutely not.
He was caught.
He opened the front door and somebody.
Took the picture.
Yeah, just waking up.
He's not happy. He told you he didn't want solar panels. I'm a director. I do not need to be on camera. Well, listener, the podcast is over five years. Hopefully we'll do it for at least another month. We'll see you know, life is so franchile. Oh, now that's such a dark thing to say. We've got to enjoy ourselves. Yes, we'll have golden years. Yeah, the podcast is over. I love you, goodbye. I said, No Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer is on Alise Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolladay. The theme song is by miracle Worker Amy Mann, and we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cottner. You must follow the show on Instagram. At I said No Gifts, that's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gifts?
And I invited you here THOUGHTA made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no guests, you're our presences, presents, and I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me
