I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger WinegarBridger isn't provoked in the least by an unsolicited gift from Bryan Safi (9-1-1, Ask Ronna). The two discuss insufficient prize money, Parisian Hinge dating, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
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Well, I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests, your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff.
So how did you dare to surbey me? Welcome to? I said, no gifts. I'm Richard Wineger. Ah, we're in the backyard. It is raining enough to set a mood, but not enough to flood my home, which is kind of my sweet spot. And hopefully we'll just continue with that and you know, hydrate things without you know, devastating me for the next three months. We'll see what happens. Oh, we can't get into me talking about my house flooding. I mean that was half of the podcast last year. We're going to try to be light with it. Let's get into the podcast. I love today's guest. It's Brian Sophy. Brian, welcome to. I said no gifts.
First of all, Bridger, your backyard is so beautiful. Do you ever talk about how beautiful it is?
Thank you? Well, first of all, thank you, I don't personally, I do appreciate the backyard. Guests will comment, well, they will admire it. They'll say something about the backyard.
Can I get something off the bat really quick?
Please?
I know you don't watch this because you're like a high brow personal.
Well I may surprise you very soon.
Okay, have you watched The Traders? Of course, why you're not on that show beyond me based on how fancy you I mean honestly, like, I feel like you would be so good.
Well up the prize amount and all considerate. That's my not enraw money, you know what. Not it's sound like an asshole, it's not. I think it sounds like an asshole. Let's talk about this realistically. Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. That's a lot of real money, but it's not a lot of game show money. Survivor has been giving people a million dollars for the last thousand years.
It's one twenty five at the end of it. I mean you're paying half in taxi here.
Of course, if and you may be splitting it.
You might be splitting it even more than one way, right, Yes, and this is a.
Game show produced by a major you know, studio network. Yes, it's not some It's not like Family Feud at three pm with.
Like a high production value and like a real star hosting right, Yeah.
In that the two hundred and fifty thousand dollars makes no sense.
It makes no sense. And then not to mention, everyone's going to think you're so loaded after that that all your family's going to come out of the woodwork. I mean, there's just no getting ahead whinning even if you win.
When they're like really going for the games and trying to get the money, I'm like, it's not that the stakes are not here. I would be so lazy.
I wouldn't even do I fast forward through them. Honestly, I get there is.
Just the games. The show is essentially this. A third of it is watching people come through a door while kind of like picking at breakfast.
A gorgeous breakfast, full breakfast.
But picking And we'll talk about the Australian version. I've watched a lot of show you I've watched the show A full Breakfast on Australia.
I do, but I don't like the table and chairs and the looks horrible. It looks like a backroom in a church. It's like a rat exactly awful.
Yes, Then there's the third of the show, which is the most convoluted games they start explaining the rules, and I'm just in another place completely. It's like coming up. It feels like a game you've come up with when you're in about seven and you just keep saying and then, and then and then exactly. You get to a point where like, w how do you win? Right? What is this?
You're putting me on a fucking Ferris wheel upside down to answer questions about talking about like.
What are those meetings? Like how do you even begin with those games? Idea?
And my least favorite thing it make speak cringe every time is when they like when they get to where the three of them are meeting, like whoever many trainers are, and they d they take the hood.
Off and they look at each other and they go.
Like breathe. So embarrassing.
I also want to know, well, I would ruin the show for me, but like the actual production part of that is it? Like how do they keep them a secret from the rest of It's like I.
Don't actually know, because I was like, oh, there must all be staying somewhere else, and then they drive them back to the castle. Oh, even so, I still don't know how they would.
Say, Oh, that sounds like a giant hassle it does, and then yeah, I feel like there's got to be people start noticing. I guess not yeah, but yeah, the prize amount is not from it.
But I would love to see you on there if honestly, Peacock kick up the prize money so that I can watch Bridger on the show kill it.
I want to be in that castle. That would be fun. Although can I say something, Yeah, it feels like I got a recent remodel buy someone without a lot of taste.
I'm going to say this, it's a lot of wayfair in there. Yes, it's clearly and it looks old, but you know, it's like the sick you said on any of those things. The leather's going to break, you know what I mean, It's just it's just gonna slit. It's all splittable furniture.
I would not be surprised if those wood floors were laminate. No me neither, which is crazy that it's this ancient castle. No no, no no. Yeah.
Like the chandeliers are beautiful, I'll give them a right.
Yeah, but it's very chip and Joanna went through it without thrilled to look at that. But look, I'd take the trip. Yeah. Oh, yeah, but I am going to be just kicking back and watching other people do the trials.
The game did take a three and a half week trip to Scotland a few years ago. I took my mother for her seventieth birthday. It was a classic adult son mother trip. It was full of dignity and I really kept my composure of the whole time. I'm sure it was great. But we did see some of those magnificent castles. They really really are stunning.
There are so many of these. I mean, I haven't been there, but no, it's like they have.
By the way, they have like twenty five legit, twenty five thousand locks for a country that big, that's how many.
Likes California has a single pond.
Just the reservoirs. They're not even exactly.
It's like a concrete exactly nasty pool.
The La River is a bed of concrete. Yeah, but we saw those castles and they were really really stunning.
Twenty five thousand locks. Yeah. Did you get to see the lock Nest.
The Loch Nest, the Loch Lomond. We saw a few of them. We drove through a bunch of.
Okay, is lock ness the biggest or is it just the most famous.
It's the most famous, and I think it's the deepest.
Oh yeah, which makes sense, which makes.
Sense, like where's he gonna hide or she? But Loch Lomond I think is the biggest by land, by see, by water.
And those bodies of water. Because I grew up in Utah, which is a desert. Yeah, and I live in la which is also a desert. Whenever I see something that's bigger than like an Olympic sized swimming pool, I can't imagine that it's not the ocean.
Same No, I mean, it just seems like I grew up in Olpaso, the desert.
Oh, it's wild to see like what other places consider a lake, because where we come from, a lake is nothing barely anything. Were you from?
So are you from something?
Yeah? Right outside of something like so I've never seen that lake. Oh that's very big. Actually, yea smells terrible often.
Why do people's why is it because.
Of the now I'm going to say something that's at the brine. I think the brine, Yeah, I believe that's true. And they're like a little shrimp in it.
So does it smell oceany?
No, it smells there's something called like, no, I again, I'm speaking about something I don't quite know about, Okay, but you it's like occasionally hear about the lake effect, which is a horrible smell in the air god, which is kind of like a did we just hear like a what was that? That was neither human nor beast? That was something in between that was very strange. I hopefully listener got a peak of that. But no, the lake effect smells kind of sulfury.
Okay, great, because I guess it's not moving.
Right, it's just kind of it's like the Dead Sea. Yeah, I wonder if the Dead Sea gets a similar thing.
I think it has a horrible smell.
Yeah, they I think great Salt like used to be kind of like Utah's beach destination and like the twenties, people would go out and float to the race. But you go there now you're like, I'm not touching that.
That's like the Sultan Sea here. I've never been to it, right, It used to be like a resort town and then suddenly it started smelling horrible and so everyone stopped going there. But like the signs are still there from the sixties, Oh, which would be cool. It's eerie like like women in those like really almost full coverage bikinis.
Oh yes, of course, yeah, very flat right, yeah, yeah, I believe the salt and Sea. And I think that happened was because like they started, Uh again, why do I keep talking about water sources? Like I know, but I believe every word. I think they kind of cut off the source of fresh water in that town or something like to diverted to La Okay and then the town went bust and now it's this haunted swamp essentially.
So wild too, because it's like, why drive forty five minutes to the ocean when you can drive forty minutes. This man made.
Lake exactly makes no sense whatsoever. And just to wrap up with the Great Salt like what we're to continue talking about, and this is again I this podcast, people are no longer tuning in for facts or for certified facts, right, and that's fine. My name Bridger comes from a mountain man named Jim Bridger, who I believe was the first like white person to discover the Great Salt Lake. And then it gets kind of embarrassing because he thought it was the Pacific Ocean, right, so it must be very big. Yeah, it's very I mean, I think it's big enough that if you're lazy, you're not going to, you know, go all the way around it. So my namesake is kind of humiliating.
It is unbelievable how so many of the people who wrote history wrote it off first and.
Russians this must be it. Nobody check, nobody check.
I'm not going to check.
Yeah, I made it here, I'm not don't need to do anything else. Oh, okay, you went to Scotland a few years ago. You were traveling recently, I was. I was in.
I did the Tour de mont blank, which is like you kind of hiked through the French, Italian and swissups around my avid hiker and so I was. And then I sort of was based out of Paris around that. So I was gone for like a month and a half. That's incredible. And then well then the sound strike happened, and I remember I was about to buy a watch. I literally jumped over the counter, grabbed my credit card, ran out of there and booked a flight back home because I was like, I don't this doesn't none of this seems smartening one.
I'm in free fall exact. Well, let's talk about some low lights of the trip. What were some low lights for you? Okay? Of the one it sounds so beautiful and incredible. It was beautiful. It was incredible.
And I have to say we were crossing the border between in the mountains between Italy and Switzerland and there was this group of young German like twelve guys men and they were all started singing, oh, they're like German national anthem.
It.
It was very unnerving to be honest with you, because and there weren't nice boy.
It was like oh v stubis, oh you know what I mean?
It was that is very unnerving.
Were they in similar dress?
I have just hiking here, but we had to climb over this ice thing after that, and they kept making fun of me, specifically because they said I was going too slow and I was this is a good quote though, a scared American so retrous at the time, I was sweating, so scared, just like, oh god, oh god. But then a scared American was felt pretty pretty accurate.
It sure, so that felt good to be bullied in the Alps exactly. Germans should know that they need to have a softer touch with this sort of thing. Yeah, and these guys didn't.
And actually a couple of them did have like slipping and falling, so that was a little bit of some slapstick, a little Keystone cops just modern times, I mean, just the classics, you know what I mean. The got Harold Lloyd. It was great. So that was a low light. Oh we did stay in so there are these little inns you stay in along the way.
Oh I love this. This it was and they would cook for you to night.
It was gorgeous, except one of them for I don't know what reason, because it was just in I think this was still in the French Alps. Was a pac Man themed.
I was going to say like a Mexican restaurant.
No, but it was all like robot and arcade game theme.
It was a barcade.
It was a barcade. It was wary, and it was in the middle of nothing, and it was very strange and it felt like you were in I mean, it was clearly like one person's vision, but like the carpet had like vision pellets, do you know what I mean? But pac Man eats and it wasn't even misspac Man. It was like regular pack. So that was like an.
Audix and it was a place you stayed at yeah, we stayed there. I mean like I had Circus Circus.
Yeah, it felt exactly like Circus Circus, and that night I had like I mean it was like casino food, you know what it was like. It was like chicken tenders and like disco fry. It was so strange.
That makes zeros. It made no sense.
And they were like this is the only in around here, and I'm sort of like, okay, I mean I guess like I don't know these inns.
Are you like just stumbling upon them as you or do you book them on? Oh? Yeah, you're booked.
I went with like a guided group and there were like eight people. Okay, so I wasn't really left to my own.
Devices for so you were just pac Man?
Was it pac Man or Bust?
Yeah? And there were actual arcades there.
Oh yeah, it truly I'm trying to think. It felt sort of like a bar in Union Square, do you know what I mean? Like there used to be more called Lemon Bar. They used to It was just all these NYU Right. I don't know if you're it's still allowed to stay Bridge and Tunnel, but that was so it felt like that idea, right, yeah, like going out it's like going to Lucky Strike or whatever. In Hollywood, it's like bowling out.
Like a weird artificial sitting that nobody really enjoys.
Right, except at least here, you're like, oh, this is what Hollywood is. There you're not thinking this is what the alpuit.
It feels like it came from through a portal or something. It's like and rehality. It's very odd. Wow. But the rest of the inns were okay.
The rest of them are okay. I mean there were there were highs and lows which each of them, but but the rest of them were okay.
Yeah, it was a nice trip. And how long total were you hiking? It was twelve days twelve Like it was hard waking up and then going to bed after hiking every single one of those days.
Yeah, you would hike for like ten hours, twelve hours. It was crazy.
Wow.
Also with summer, so like no one was going to bed. I will say one other low light. I went on a couple of hinge dates and Paris, okay, and they were really eye opening because they immediately just started insulting you because you're American, which I by the way, I like that Paris is a tough place for chorist because I feel like it's one of the only places where they still expect you to really try, and.
When you succeed, it's like, wow, oh my god, it's such a thrill.
But these guys were each of them sort of did the same thing where they were like, you are so cullious, like it's so funny how you uh want to talk before we fuck? And here we fuck before we talk, and I'm like, well, I met you on hinge and I don't know you. And then a lot of them were really into this idea of like defend terrible people, like we can't tell you what yellen every friendship right now exactly, And I was like, you can, I'm not comfortable doing it and they're like, no, you're so precious with soles and it's.
Like, you don't know me for such a miserable first date someone with this aggressive attitude.
Each of them were just everything I said was oh American America and you know all this.
So that was either of the dates and decently are you in touch with either of these people?
One of them after the no.
Good for you.
One of them after the date was like, I forget what holiday it might have been best steel day actually, and for that you want to lock yourself inside because it's like it gets wild and people throw shit and it's crazy. But this guy invited me after our date to a party and so we went there and he was like, don't worry, everyone speaks English and I was like, oh, it doesn't matter. I'm the outside of here.
So we go up.
No one spoke a word of English to me and my friends is not that good. And he was like, they speak English, they just don't want to. And I'm like, you got me.
It's the most boring Frank show of all time.
Correct, Because then I just left.
That's not a bad idea for if you ever get pranked on a show to just turn around and walk away. I'm not interacting with this anymore. No, forget, You're not getting me. So those are my low lights.
Wow?
And did you have a heavy backpack on the whole time?
No?
I mean I sort of boogied out a little bit. Those our bags would be like driven to the ends each night. You would have just had like day packs.
This is very reality show. It was very reality pa driving your things?
Yeah?
Did you picnic? Yes? Oh that sounds one.
And this is why it was nice to have a guide because they just knew these spots that no one else right love and they were stunning. Each one was stunning. And then you would get the like cheese from the dairies in the mountains, and it was it was incredible.
The lines from the pac man bar, wines from.
The pack manbar, absolutely, the pellets from the carpet, it was just amazing.
I need to look this. That sounds absolutely hard.
The name if I can find it. Yeah, it was wild.
Wow. Well, look there's something else we need to talk about. Yeah, of course I was excited to have you here today. Yeah, Brian Sophy, wonderfully. He's so lovely, he's so funny. How could it possibly go wrong? Oh? God, you know, I thought he'll come, we'll chat, catch up, he'll go on his way, right, So I'll say I was a little surprised you come kind of sloshing up here in the rain into my backyard holding Uh what is what? I suspect a gift or a paper purse.
Could be a paper purse, it could be a harlequin sleeping place for a tiny doll.
It's a doll like coffin. It is it is well I assume this is a gift and the podcast is I know I couldn't. I said, no gift. I know you did. Oh I fucked up? Okay, Well, I like the immediate ownership of the mistake, you know, repentance. All of this is very important. Should I open this here on the podcast, I would listen.
You might as well keep humiliating me, So yeah, I say.
Go for it. Okay. As we said, it's in kind of like a tall probably Barbie height.
Bag Barbie and like more of a brats do all to be honest.
Yeah, brat Barbie would probably go to about here this is, and it's like got the space for a brat's head, that's right. I measure everything in dull length and headsize. Okay, and it's kind of a colorful ing.
This is a two fer.
It's the order matter, no does not. Okay, So we'll take the tissue and we're reaching.
Someone's going to pleasure themselves to that later, you know, just playing it over and over and over louder and loud back fifteen seconds, back, fifty second.
Your neighbors just hear this crinkling someone outside their cars, Like, what are they listening? What's going on in there. Okay, I'm pulling something out first. Okay, wait ooh a dry shampoo, A bumble and bumble dry shampoo.
That's right, Bridger. Now, this was a real journey for me in twenty twenty.
Okay.
I became obsessed with two things QBC okay, and building out my earthquake kit to the point that I became so obsessed that I started filling it out with everything I thought I might need. And one of the last stops was canisters of dry shampoo to say, that are in my earthquake closet that I got for a.
Steal on QVC.
Oh you got them from QB Coors. Yeah, but I ordered a generator. I mean they were all into like full pre pandemic happening, and then prepping was a natural extension.
Wow.
And that's when I really came into the QVC thing. Now, I only lasted about six months watching QVC.
It's a decent amount of time.
It was a decent amount of time. I would watch it for like an hour every night. I loved it, and I would be excited to see what the deals were. But I tuned in a lot for like the prepper stuff. Now, the bumble of the bubble dry shampoo was not a prepper not advertising.
It'st a prepper thing. They should have been.
I thought, how am I going to shampoo my.
Hair right, especially like during the water Wars crap?
Exactly. Yeah, so you know, so that was that. Wow.
So what was the first thing you got on QBC during your Yeah it was meal kits? Okay, meal kits like that was actual, right, survival kits. Shit.
So I have a bunch of them. Do you know they last fifty years?
Fifty? Yeah, I wonder what they're like at year forty nine.
I know, you know what, I'm going to look at my receipt. No, I bought them in twenty twenty and twenty sixty nine. Oh, you'll have me back.
Around to mark it down. Mark it down.
Well, will split a meal and we'll see what we think.
About a light, some candles. We'll get out this almost expired prepper meal, correct, and we'll review it. Do you know what's in them? No?
I think it's just a lot of like just add water kind of stuff.
Right.
But I got breakfasts, lunches, dinners. I mean, I'm it's going to be I mean, eggs literally all of that. Wow, and like and a generator got like a little like a mini generator.
How long are these prepper kits? What is the term the earthquake kid?
I guess this is what we call it. But those are just the backpacks.
But yeah, okay, the meals, like how many days are they supposed to last?
You?
Right?
So it depends on how many you order. I'm trying to remember how many I or I think I got like six months worth or something like that.
That's a decent amount of food.
It's a lot of food. I mean literally, an entire walking closet is my earthquake closet. I mean I can't walk in it anymore. That's I have watered that last fifty years.
You're going to be You're going to be like the president of the Wasteland. You're going to have so much power. But here's the problem, and I think you'll agree with me. Actually, if we survive, whatever, do you really want to be around the people who are ready? Because they scare the absolute me. They were the scariest of the scary.
So I might survive, but I'm not sure I want to around other people prepper culture, preppers.
This for me is always the thing where I'm like, you watch a post apocalyptic movie whatever, I think, just kill me day one. Yeah, what, I don't want to do any of that, mean neither.
If Jurassic Park happened, I would they were like, here's a gun, defend yourself. I would shoot myself in the face.
I'm not going to see the mistake, but it would happened.
Exactly. Yeah, you hold, No, I don't want to be around for stuff like that.
No, what is there to live for? Nothing? Especially if the TV doesn't work exactly and I don't want anything to do with it. I'll wait for the battery to die on my phone and then kill me right exactly. That's all I need.
No, all I want in this world is culture. And so once that's over, like I'm done.
Yes, I will say, having grown up Mormon, there's a very preparedness culture with built Mormonism. They're very like be ready for big emergencies. And why is that? Specifically? Do you think there's like a vague like the world could end or like you know, something serious could happen and you've got to live through it. But I don't feel like they ever. Yeah, they don't really explicitly say like it's going to be doomsday, right, But they don't give dates, right, They kind of encourage you to have canned goods and the sort of thing, which there's there's no problem with that. I mean the beginning of the pandemic, I was like, oh, I own a box of cereal, right.
Apparently someone told me that all you really need food wise is just go to like cost or whatever and just get a bunch of peanut butter because it lasts forever, and it's like has all the fat you need.
It's like a good and it tastes great. Again, it tastes until you get to like jar ninety right. I wonder what that feels like. But I would I mean, I could live for weeks just with a spoon and some peanut butter easily. But again, I think I probably have a third of a thing of peanut butter right now. Yeah.
I mean, by the way, my food supply for emergencies is a lot, none of it I actually want to taste. You know, I'm not going to be living the high life.
So, okay, you've got the Prepper kits on QVC. What other purchases were made on QVC?
Yeah, this was not this part was not in this. I'm just going through the thing in my mind. I have a toilet with bags that like you it's a toilet seat, okay, that's on top of the bucket, okay. And then there are these bags. You put them in and they like vacuum seal and then you throw them out. Whoa that was I'm going crazy. First, I have a bunch of tarps. I have duct tape, dry shampoo, A ton of sunscreen.
That's a good one, A ton of feel like sunscreen expires it does. Yeah, yeah, but you know some of these ends of days you're like, well, I'll give it a shot and then I'll just get a deep tan.
But I'm truly disgusted with myself that some of my first thoughts in earthquake preparedness were but how am I gonna look?
I can't age.
This sounds the number one aging.
I need to have flawless skin through the end of the world.
Skin, A ton of like uh soap, okay, a shampoo, wow, regular shampoo, stuff like that, and then also like rolls of duct tape tarps. In case your window blows out, you get a tarp, you duct tape and over.
Right, you know, what I mean those things any kind of weaponry.
Well, no, okay, my dad is a hunter and all he wants in this world is to buy me a gun.
Right. Of course, I'm in a very similar territory.
Okay, right, So occasionally when I go home, my dad will be like, I just need to run an errand at what is this store? I forget. It's called academy. It might just be in Texas.
It's called Academy. That's the name of it. That sounds yeah, right, it's not. It's a literally.
It does. Yeah, it's not that sheep. But he's always like, let's buy a gun. Let's bag gun. And then one year I was like, I don't want a gun, but I do want a weapon. So he bought me and I ended up not accepting it because I was like, ah, he bought me a like police grade flashlight. So it blinds you and then it has spikes on the end of it. You're supposed to blind someone and then like bludging them, but that is brutal. I can't do it. So he got me this and I was like, ah, no, oh, my god, I should have accepted.
What does that look like?
I mean, it really is just like a round thing with a bunch of spy. I mean it could. It looks like something that like a mistress, you know, like an off flash verry steampunk. Wow, exactly.
Bye.
So I don't really have any weapons except for like a kitchen knife.
Right, a rolling pin, a rolling pin.
I don't even have a baseball bat. That would probably be Yeah, you could get.
A baseball bat. Yeah, I need to get a rolling pin. Why don't I own a rolling pin? That's cheek as hell? Yeah you know what I mean.
Yes, you just have a spatch and a rolling pin.
Them with it turn around from like rolling the pie dough and just crack their skulls, right, Yeah, I don't. I don't think I own a single thing that would count as a weapon in my home. I'm defenseless.
I have a rolling pin, and I have kitchen knives.
That's about it.
Can get a taser, yeah, you get a taser. That would be more harmless than other things, you know.
That's like, But I'm always like, what if though I get out of control? What if I suddenly just want to tase someone's I have access to the taser.
That's the thing I feel like we're everyone is a hair away from.
Yeah, that's pulling the tasing a kind old woman exactly right, just for the thrill.
Just for the thrill, just so I could get just is there anything to laugh at anymore? Have weeks everything at this point that could do it?
Yeah? So I I actually I do have like a go kit, a go bag. Oh yeah, well that's good, which was just basically given to me by someone moving to New York. So otherwise I wouldn't own and I have no idea what's in it? I guess.
The other thing that's good to know is where your closest red cross is. Oh, and it might be closer than you think, because they don't really a lot of them don't even really have signs.
Oh interesting, They kind of just keep it to themselves. Yeah, yes, so, and what what do they have to offer? Are they like a I don't know, I truly have no idea advice.
I think you go there and they're like you could stay. I don't know, I really don't know.
What do they do? Would be they would like try to recruit me to help.
I know exactly, I'm not doing that a sudden, I'm ringing a bell somewhere.
I'm all good.
Were you ever in a choir or anything.
No, I can't sing.
Did you ever see the Tabernacle choir saying, Actually.
That's a really good question. I have to believe I did at some point, probably for like a Christmas thing or something. I feel like, maybe I'm just imagining this. I think at some point Angela Lansbury sang with them.
I don't doubt. I mean, aren't they the best choir in the country.
Maybe I don't know, we can say the world's probably the world.
No, I think you can.
And I feel like yearly they'll like bring in a celebrity to make sense born with them or something. And I feel like maybe I just wanted to see Angela with the choir. I bet she did it, but I saw them in something like that. Did you ever see them? No?
But my entire family is like obsessed. They are, Oh my god, my grandparents every holidays, I mean, the albums were always out and my grandparents did and my parents did. I hosted my parents and my sister for the holidays this year. It was every night we were blasting that on the Blue Nacle Choir every night. What I dare anyone here to listen to the first Noel by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and not sob your brain's eye, it's stunning, it's so beautiful.
I like, I think growing up you like within Utah, you just don't even really think about it because it's just part of culture or whatever. And then as a gay teen you resent and then it's just like I don't want anything to do with this thing, right, but I wonder what it would be like to listen to it now. I feel like choirs and that sort of thing I can never really get into. It's just like this is too much. I know, it is a lot. It's just too many voices.
Look, do I listen to them when my parents don't request it?
Now?
I'm not seeking out very many choirs.
Are they on Spotify? They are? They are? Yeah?
They are yeah?
Interesting? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. There's something about a choir that it is just almost like wallpaper to me, where it's just like it's not mused. And my apologies to the choir that all the choirs listening to the podcast, you're not music again, You're simply not music. You're noise. It is it is very much like background noise here, right, It's like almost ambient, Yes, and there's nothing wrong with a little ambiance.
Oh, but I want to see you play the Tabernacle choir before a date the invite them over. It's very sexy.
After the tissue crumpling. Those are the two. Yeah, I just maybe I'll try to give that a chance, just to see how I feel about listening to eighty senior citizens singing. Right, it's a I mean, that's a cutthroat, well probably not cut throats, very high stakes.
Are you kidding me? I've googled and their audition process, not because I want to, but I was just whatever. They were playing NonStop in my house when my parents were here. They love it so and they're very clear about it. They're like, auditions are open to anyone, but we are incredibly discerning and it is not an easy process.
I mean they really wait, are they open to outside of Mormonism? Oh? That that I don't know.
You're right, but maybe I didn't. But it didn't say specifically you need to be Mormon, but that that be just inherently.
Of course you're surprised to be more. It's right there in the title. Interesting. Yeah, I can't imagine. It feels almost like getting into college or something. I think you really have to go through it. Yeah, piano teacher. I think maybe rip her husband was in it, and maybe a neighbor was in it, and it takes it over your life. It's like a career. Right. Do they get paid Probably.
Not, Probably not a lot. I think it's an honor to be here.
An honor to be there, an honor to be able to perform with Angela Lansberry or whatever Broadway person they bring in. Wow, I have never heard of anyone being into the Mormon Tabernacle choir.
Yeah, my family historically, I mean, and I can't say historically very into it.
I mean. Back to shampoo for a minute. What's your shampoo routine?
Okay, I have a few shampoos, well, non shampoos. I got into twice weekly. A scrub okay, oh, a scrub. This is the thing now is scalp scrub? It could all be bullshit.
It just kind of good. We go through cycles of haircare bullshit, that's right, So this is probably the latest one.
Well, I got it as a gift and then I just started buying it. But like a scalp scrub with and then you put like a scalp mask on. After this is all in the shower and it feels very nice. And then other than that, I use like what am I using right now? I think, oh, right now, because I also got this as a gift, I'm doing like an ASoP shampoo conditioner set.
How often?
Not that often?
Okay, you're not supposed to, I know.
I think probably I washed my hair two or three times a week. Maybe three times a week, okay, not often.
Enough though, two or three times a week I think is too much? Oh is it? I think once a week? Okay, maybe once every two weeks. Is that what you're doing? Yeah, you've really nice. I mostly just thank you. I mostly just condition because.
I read something recently that said you wash your hair when it's like literally dirty, right, like there's mudd in a right. But otherwise just condition it.
Yeah, because you know you're getting in the shower at least once a day and like technically washing. Yeah, but no one, I think no one will ever truly know. I think it's one of these great unknowns, no one will ever know. Yes, exactly, those are our two great human myths that we can't quite pin down. Yeah, so I'm very infrequent, but I've never dry shampooed.
Well, it's essentially just baby powder. So if your hair looks oily and you don't want to shampoo it, kind of spray this in and then work it in with your fingers and then it just it looks like your hair is not oily, but not.
It doesn't like make your hair white. No. Oh, interesting, Now, yeah, I have such dry hair that I feel like it's never really an issue. Yeah, some people, I feel like it's greasy after six hours.
I have to say this though, This next gift I want you to use, but I also don't want you to use.
It's the flashlight with a weapon exact.
I want you to use it, not on man. This next gift was my the last thing I bought on QBC.
Oh, I cannot wait.
This wasn't necessarily in the prepper kit, but it could have been because I haven't even touched it.
And now when you say this was the last thing I bought on QVC, was like, this was the last thing I bought like a bad experience.
Or it wasn't a bad experience. I just thought to myself, this is it's enough, Like this is this is something I never would have done in any other life. But the six months on QVC.
Okay, let's get it out there.
I became so entranced with this brand. I bought so much stuff from this brand, and this was the last thing I bought.
Okay, here we go.
Okay, that's part.
Of wait oh okay, because I have no idea. This looks like a small beanie to me, it's like just it's amazing. Okay, it's a mint. Okay, Yeah, here's the next thing. Let's see. Oh yeah, a self tanning serum from Josie Moran.
Is I think it's Josie Maren Josie Moron. She fully she is so compelling on QBC. She is so real, which means she's not because I mean the whole gimmick there is.
You have to be talking to your friends right right now, someone alone in their home, so beautiful.
And she went to caves in South America. She's the only one who discovered this cave. And there's an oil.
She's the Jim Bridger of this cave.
There's an oil. She's practically Margaret Mead. There's an oil in this cave wo that she discovered and she's been able to bottle it as she's the only one who can do it.
What was she doing in this cave? Is she regularly in caves?
Listen, there are a lot of holes in the story. Okay, but she went in this cave and she said it is a miracle, bra look at my skin. So of course I bought the oil. Broke out immediately that I'm saying it doesn't work on some But I didn't stop there because I was like, oh, maybe it's too strong. Buy it in her body lotion.
So I did that.
Then I bought it in her body serum, did that, Then I bought it in her body cream covered in hives. Had to stop doing it. But my last stop was this self tanner because she just made me feel like, if I do this, people will think I'm at the beach every day. People will think I went to the cave and then you know what I mean. And then went to a resort after I never touched it and never use it never, And that was it. Well, that's the other thing. You can pay an installment. This was like thirty five dollars and I paid him Forest installments.
Your credit score is for exactly.
I was like, well why not? It's the pandemic like no one's making the money they should make. I yeah, which was it was so stupid.
I'll never do it again by giving this to me on this podcast. I now have to try the self tanker. I want you to do. This is going to look very pale and you're beyond it would look wild. I look like I live in a cave. You do, So this is going to be fascinating. Yeah.
I would go online for the directions.
Okay, and the MIT works with the product.
Yes, so you kind of like, uh oh, you kind of just gently rubb smear it on right all over your face even I think it's just for your body. No, I think it's for your face.
You're going to do it to my entire body, to my neck, your neck, and then it's going to look like I'm wearing a strange orange like lycra.
Yeah, get as trumpy and as you can.
Wow, I'm very curious about this. Now, this woman went to a cave. Is she kind of like Chas Deine adjacent? If people aren't familiar with Chasdeine, He's all over billboards in Los Angeles, that's right. And then its hair.
He made hair products that made people's hair fall out.
Yes, yes, which is incredible, incredible, incredible, and it didn't ruin him.
No, the billboards are still there.
He still looks Chasdeine.
You know, I gotta say, because when he came out, he was such a product of that time of like what people were. This is right, remember when like hairstylists were briefly getting famous. Oh yeah, like the guy who did Jessica Simpson and all these people were making getting reality shows.
Even that was a period there. He was very specific, very they wanted to know the people behind the hair or we thought we thought we didn't.
Because that was also Yeah, it was like everyone loved Jessica Simpson's there obviously, Jennifer Anderson's all this stuff, and these guys were like it was very odd. But Chasdeine is one of these people.
Chesdeine, and he's still out there. Is Chas's real name do we know? Or his name like Darren? It has to not be chesdy Chestein is too like to sounds so show busy. At least, what do you think is a real name? Is Charles Warren Boylin.
That's a much nicer name.
That's the name of a CPA. It is, that's true. So you can see why he would do that with his such.
Chaz has highlights, Chez absolute and Dan or whatever. Boilin does not have highlights.
No, no, no, it's like your father's friend exactly. Okay, well, I've got this self tanning serum. Have you ever used any self tanning serum?
One time I got a spray TND because I was supposed to be like shirtless in the show that I do, right, and so everyone was like, oh, you're gonna get a spraysn right, So so I did. And I guess if I had to do something like that again, like if I had for television, I guess I would. It does make a difference. Actually, right, I would never do it for kicks.
The spray tan experience. What walk me through this?
It's like air brushing. They have like a pump. Oh, you're just in your underwear.
It's not a machine.
Well, it is sort of a machine.
You're like in a booth.
Yeah, and you're a person. Do it to me, but you don't have to. You should just walk in and they do it for you. When I guess they get it even but it sort of smells and then you have to wait twelve hours before you wash it off, okay, and then the tan stays for like a week or something, maybe longer.
Those twelve hours. Are you like leaving stains on things? Yeah, you could be.
I think, Yeah, you're supposed to wear loose clothing.
Loose clothing, and then what do you have to have someone drive you home? It's just like no surgery.
You can drive yourself phone. That's the best part.
Okay, But I'm worried about the upholstery in your car.
I know I naturally have to wear long loose clothing, probably like you know, something black or dark. Yeah, how interesting, like a really long That's the thing I realized. Also, I don't really have much long loose clothing, like I'm not a sweatpants person.
Really a nightgown exactly, or like you know, whatever rain, I'm gonna do it.
I would have loved to do that.
Next time, curlers in my hair.
Next time, I'm getting my beautiful lace trimmed flannel to the ankle's nightgown to the tanning riff and back.
Absolutely. Oh what a bizarre thing. Yeah, that's really interesting. And is what it? Just chemical?
That?
Well, I guess there's organic one. That's the one I got which is supposed to be less chemically, but I don't know what any of it means.
Right, is it like, are you immediately tan or does it like flip? You're immediately not like a magic trick. You're immediately tan, but it's not the full effect yet. You're a little bit your tones a little bit you know, tan or but you're not at the full effect. And then when you wash it off.
It's sort of like I think it breaches its peak if I remember quickly like day three or four, stays there for.
A while, Okay, then you start to slowly fade like a yellowish orange white.
But if you really want it off, like when I was done shooting, I really wanted it off, So I took like ten showers that day, and.
It was like, yeah, just scrubbing, scrubbing, rubbing.
Just like little Christina on the floorsool, rubbing my silkwood, scrubbing my body down.
Wow. Yeah, yeah, I don't know that that's in my future, but this certainly, Yeah, it's going to be very interesting where this ends up on my body. You might like it. What if I get addicted? What if I deeply tan all the time? Makes no sense with my hair? Absolutely not. It really wouldn't. People would be so confused. I wonder what color this is going to turn on my skin. It's probably gonna burn me.
Well, apparently when you look at the directions, it'll say like how many coats for?
Oh interesting, we do this in coats exactly, put on a prime or this kind of.
Thing, right, So I would say, do the first coat, okay, but I don't really honestly remember that.
Well, but three in the morning day really was pandemic, you know, and this was the last thing, and you just decided it's over. It's done.
Have you ever turned QVC on since, you know, just for old times sake? I did, like maybe six months ago or something, and it just didn't do it for me anymore.
Did you have a favorite sales person?
Yes, but I can't remember her name now. She was great. But what I really loved more than that were the models. They were my favorite because they sell it so effortlessly and they have to do the same gestures over and over again. So if they're putting on like a lipstick, they put it on and then they go and they like kiss and smile and then like pop their eyes and their shoulders go up and then they do it again, and then they do it back on. I think they take it off behind the.
Scenes, Cake Stone, right, and so they're really really great. Sounds like android behavior, very interesting. It is, actually it is. It is the automatons.
They'll be the first to be replaced by the way AI comes about.
Absolutely, Annekins and Ai combining to take these people's shops. Absolutely, we welcome it. Yeah, we absolutely welcome it. Well, I've got all kinds of things to deal with here. Now I've got my shampoo, I've got my I'm gonna be a whole new person. Yeah, people are not going to know what to do with me. And you're earthquake ready. Absolutely earth These are the two things I'll have while the bombs are dropping. I'll just be tan My hair'll be nice and dry, and I'll be starving.
When the bomb drops, You'll just be tanning, furious.
Step out into the waste land, and people will their jaws are going to drop exactly. I think we should play a game I would love to on a least I think probably back to Gift Master, right, Yeah, we haven't played it in a minute. I need to number between one and ten from you. Seven Okay, I have to do some like calculating right now to get our game pieces. So you can recommend, you can promote, you can do whatever you want with the mic. You gotta So.
I'm going to show called nine one one formerly on Fox, this season on ABC. It starts March fourteenth. You can catch old episodes on Hulu. My favorite one was called First Respect. I think it was from season five, and I have a big arc in that one, which is very fun. But I play the nine moment call center boss, you can do that. I also have a few very fun podcasts, one of which Bridger has been on called Ask Grana with Rona and Brian. It's an advice podcast. I have another podcast called Attitudes. It's a blast with my friend Aaron Gibson where we talk about queer and gender issues in a very funny way. And yeah, I perform live a lot, doing stand up and other things. So follow me at Brian's.
Sofie, Brian's Delightful and everywhere. Go follow the advice. Nine to one one is such a wild show. It's very fun to one.
It's a real wild card in my life.
Yeah, I never expected to do what an incredible job. It's so fun, it really is. This is how we're gonna play gift Master. I'm gonna name three celebrities and three gifts you're going to give away. Okay, you're gonna tell me which gift you'll give which celebrity guy to make perfect sense, yes, okay. The things you're giving away today are number one, AB Sculpting, which is kind of in line with these products, sure. Number two is a free refill on a fountain drink, and number three is some time behind bars. The three celebrities you'll be giving them too are number one David Lee Roth still Alive, please still be alive, or maybe you're Number two Kevin O'Leary, mister Wonderful from Shark Tank. And number three is b York.
Okay, I'm going to give David Lee Roth the refill simply because I don't really have that stronger opinion on him, and I feel like refilling your fountain drink is something that is so inconsequential and really in this life doesn't matter. So I'm going to bestow that him. Now, Listen, that's not to take away from his talent. I love the Van Halen hits as much as.
The others get us all going.
Absolutely, you know who died, Eddie van Halen died, not David three name same band.
You can only have one member of the band, have three n that's the new rule.
So I'm going to give him the refill only. Also also on a wily night out. He is the kind of person I would expect to see it like a seven eleven.
Do you know what I mean, like in the middle of the night, David right, his corvettes out front, still rumbling.
The hair is long, but you know what I mean, especially if you were like on the Sunset strip. Oh yeah, like a seven eleven by.
Driving That makes perfect sense.
Yes, really, wow, I could see that very clearly.
Right, and he's got his like sixty four ounces of diet mountain dew.
Absolutely, York, I'm gonna put now Listen. She's a full icon for me from when I was young. I love her and I'm just such a fan. I'm you're gonna put her behind bars because I remember watching Dancer in the Dark. She is behind bars in that movie.
I've never seen. I need to see it. It's good, I mean, it's it's a hard one to get excited about watching because it seems bleak and it's.
Relentless, right, I mean, like Lars Ventrier wants you to be so miserable in this his movies.
I feel like I just have to accidentally watch because I'm never gonna be like I've got to have a fun night with some pizza.
No, And it ends up being really cool. But it is just one of those things where it's like it's a big chore. But I remember she was so good in that, And listen, there's something about when artists go through a tough period, they and this can even be And I'm sure you have felt this way in your own life, even when you're down or in a slump a lot of times, what comes out of that is something really wonderful, right. I feel like, look York's albums at this point are Rosetta Stone. I don't I couldn't possibly figure it out.
She did just put out a very accessible single as she well.
I love her, so I feel like if she were in prison, that would be a wonderful time for like something beautiful to sprout out of it. That makes perfect sense, And I'm a big fan of hers.
If anyone's going to make good out of prison, it's Byork, right, she could record a full album in prison.
Absolutely, yeah, in college ideas York no, please don't, please don't. And Kevin O'Leary. Honestly, it would almost make more sense for me to put him behind bars, even though I don't know if he's ever done anything illegal.
We don't know what quite happened on that the boat accident? Wait, what was that? That's pretty dark? There were some they were boating and a boat crash, somebody die, somebody died, and he might have known about it. We don't, I mean I And again we're back to Lake's. Okay, let's not talk about talking about things that I don't quite know about. Very let's he was in a boat in the news.
Well, to me, absculpting is a punishment worse than prison, but speaking of someone who's never been there, but and who's never done the other thing is absculpting surgery.
I believe it's like surgery, but I don't know what they're actually sculpting, right.
They must be Yeah, I don't either. Is it like, are they are putting in implants?
There must be some sort of plastic or implant, because Alisha, it feels like they're doing some research.
Abdominal etching, a surgical procedure where unwanted fat around the mid section is strategically LiPo suctioned from the body in an attempt to contour in showcase the abdominal muscles, creating a six pack almost overnight. I feel like I must have picked a website that was like, we're sold.
Also, I'm going to give that team that sounds like the worst punishment. Yeah, And not that I really have a problem with him or anything, but he's the most annoying of those three, I think.
Certainly, So I'll give him that, certainly. And you know, you can start wearing like a crop top on Shark Tank that don't make me like it? That would spice the show up, it would. He's just lounging in that chair we see is we all know fake abs? Yeah, but it would be a new element for Shark Tank.
I know.
I feel like Mark Cuban would be very jealous.
Oh, he's probably tried the apps all he wants their abs trial. Ebbs well beautifully played, excellently played York Don't reach Out, Don't go to prison Now. Okay, this is the final segment of the podcast. It's called I said, no emails people they write into I said, no gifts at gmail dot com. Desperate for answers, and you know I do an incredible job of helping. You're answering, and you're gonna help me. We're going to team up and answer a question. Is that? Okay? Absolutely? Okay, let me get in here and read this and this email they did not address either of us. Usually there's a dear bridge, you're in lovely guests, there's no you know, it's just we're getting into the email.
Tax sounds urgent and tacky.
Urgent and tacky, they go hand in hand. Okay, this is I have a friend, Tiffany, who I met while working at a restaurant. We worked together for a few months before I left that position. Over the course of the past couple of years, we've gotten very close to the point where I would say she is one of my best friends. When we began hanging out, I had an inkling that she had a crush on me. However, I assumed it was a passing thing and she never said anything outright. Recently, we made plans to have a night out on the town and went out drinking and dancing. At some point on this night we hooked up in the bathroom at a bar. We haven't really talked about the hookup, and it seems so far like it didn't affect our friendship at all. My problem is that Tiffany's birthday is coming up, and I'm unsure what to get her. Typically, I'm decent at giving gifts and can find items that feel personal and special. The recent happenings have complicated things, and I don't know what to gift her. Please recommend gifts that convey that we are still best friends and I love her platonically best Nora, Oh.
Well, the big issue here is you probably should have talked to your friend after this.
The fact that they've just they've just moved on without saying a thing.
Interesting and honest friendship at that point.
What is it? There's just this unspoken thrill.
I would discuss it with her at some point and just say, let's just talk about this and move on. I'm trying to I've never you know, I've never hooked up with a friend before.
Have you ever done that? No, that feels like a weird bridge to cross.
It feels for me, at least, it feels practically incestuous. I don't think I could do it, But I think if I did do it, I would probably need a little bit of breathing room. I understand that, But then I would really want to talk to them about it. And I think if I gave them a gift, it's tough because without talking about it, then you're stuck in this thing of not wanting it to seem like a signal or something, but also not wanting it to seem like an office gift or like a secret Santa situation.
But the most boring possible thing.
Wow, I think anything on it like dot don't do a candle or like shampao I think, I don't know, like a really thoughtful book I think is nice?
Oh?
Interesting?
Do I give people for their birth I mean it's always something they like, right, and you don't do with their interests right, absculpting, absculpting for sure, time in prison, A leaf of her farm drink. Absolutely, she don't know what happened that night. I mean she could have robbed a bank.
That's true.
Or what I love to give actually are art books.
I like to do that.
I just gave my friend Arden had a birthday, who I'm sure you know of course, and I gave her I knew she liked that movie All the Beauty in the Bloodshed, so I gave her, like a nan golden book.
That's a very appreciative. I like stuff like that. And art book is a very nice thing to get. Everybody appreciates it, and it doesn't like it Unlike a book, it doesn't require a huge time investment. No, you can glance through it whenever you Yeah, and.
It's nice to do that, and actually whenever you put it. They now sell like stands that you can put on with coffee table books. And it's nice because then every day you can just open it to a new spread, you know what I mean.
Right, that's kind of nice. Right, it's kind of a nice thing thing.
See, that might be kind of cool obviously, a lot of like bikinis.
Bikinis, flowers to the office, flowers, an expensive ring, chocolates, a weekend away exactly. You know these are the.
Churn be framed and a heart frame, a car with a big bow on it. That would be really nice. Yeah, these are the.
Things that Tiffany will then say, we're obviously just friends, exactly, We're simply just friends. Go for that. Nora take these things, mix them up, yeah, stir them in your cauldron. Yeah, and uh, I feel like Tiffany is going to be thrilled it. But what ultimately, do not talk about this ever? Again the tension is too exciting?
Definitely not if it really. But what doesn't encourage a midlife crisis is bottling everything up until you possibly can't anymore. So you don't let anything out.
This will be It's the perfect plan.
Keep filling that balloon with air.
Norah, don't write in again. Beautifully beautifully answered Brian, I've got these beautiful products that I'm going to be using. Yeah, it's a whole new me. Twenty twenty four. People were looking for a new visual with me. They were they were looking for me getting as represent yourself absolute please absolutely, people are sick of whatever you're peddling. So I'm going to be kind of a tan, dry haired lady of the day.
Yeah.
I think that's a decent, decent thing for me to play.
Future Traders contestants or host if they have the prize money.
They want, I could I either take over for allan Coming or they maybe do a hyper local Traders I could host that. Yeah, But if I do end up on the show. I'll be extremely tann there we go and everyone will be talking about it. Everyone trusts t Yeah, yeah, well, thank you for being here. This is my pleasure. This is a blast. Listen. The podcast is coming to a close. It's not raining anymore. I'm gonna do something with my day. God only knows what You're going to do. Whatever you want. You have to stop listening to the podcast, Please get away. I love you, goodbye. I said, No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced by our dear friend Analise Neilson, and it's beautifully mixed by Ben Holliday. And we couldn't do it without our guest booker, Patrick Kottner. The theme song, of course, could only come from miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram. At I said no Gifts, I don't want to hear any excuses. That's where you get to see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see pictures of the gifts?
Lievit did you hear? Funa man myself perfectly clear? But you're I guessed, Timma, you gotta come to me empty And.
I said no guest.
Your own presence is presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me?
