Amy, T.J., Jennie, and the golden ladies Susan and Kathy, are sipping and spilling as they answer your need-to-know questions to find love again! From advice on dating someone who's lost a spouse to how to get a man to see you as more than just a fling, this motley crew of hopeless romantics is giving you the answers. Ready to find love again?
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Hey, they're folks, and welcome to I Do Part two. This is a one of a kind experiment in love and podcasting. And we are not here to help just any old body fine love. Oh no, we are here to help folks who are maybe fun to find love again, maybe on the second, third, fourth, whatever time around.
That's right, And we are some of your hosts, Amy Robot, t J. Holmes, Jenny Garth, and today we're joined by some of our celebrity mentors, you know them from The Golden Bachelor and their podcast Bachelor Happy Hour Golden Hour. We want to welcome Kathy Schwartz and Susan Knowles to the podcast.
Thank you, Still looking for love, baby, ladies?
Look at how beautiful you are. Well, since we're all here together and see and Francisco, why don't we go around and play a little question game. We can answer some questions from our listeners.
We have them at a bowl.
You guys, should we go around and just pick one out?
Yes?
Kathy and I are all good on questions, aren't we.
Kathy, I love it. It's actually an ice, you know what. I wish there was ice in that I know, and I wish there was something in the ice loocket. But now we just have your questions listeners. So hey, DJ, do.
I have to answer? This is where everybody?
Well everyone can answer the bucket. Yeah, you're reading it, and then we'll all chime in.
All right, should we all be setting our friends up more instead of letting them search online for love? Wow?
She was ready jump ready, Hell on, Kathy, given that looking on our own is not working so well, I will ask a stranger on the street to fix me up.
But she's not kidd and I've heard her say it.
Do you have any cute friends?
Right?
She's asked for uncles, fathers, brothers. I meet somebody, you know my daughter's friends? Where's your where's your uncle?
Why do you think that's like the way it is?
Like?
Most women would rather just go ahead and be set up.
I think in a perfect world people would like to meet people organically and not just you know, flipping through pages or flipping through the internet.
But it's tough in this world. It's tough to meet.
And as well as the dating sites, I have no problem with them. I marry a lot of people that met on a dating site. However, I think I've used them all and to go back on them. If they're being on the show, is it's the same people, they're still there.
I was a setup.
My husband and I were.
See does he have a brother?
There?
You go?
What did I tell you?
Do you feel pressure? Though? If you get as the friend, don't you feel pressure that? Wow? If it doesn't work out, then I am the one that set those two up.
Have you ever had that happen? Have you ever do accidentally? I don't ruin someone's life.
Wow, so far I only I just had a recent successful setup, and so far, so good. If they oh yeah, it was my best friend and a former producer of mine and they're still going strong. But if they broke up, I would feel personally responsible. I would feel bad about it.
I have a question.
Did they ask for a photo first or did they know who the person was?
See?
I would want to see what.
It's funny we met Actually we were doing a group thing and he came and she was there, and so it was no pressure and he saw her and she saw him.
They know each other was going to be there.
Yes, and so it was a little bit, but there it was. There was not a lot of pressure, and then it took a while. It's I think it took like six months before they actually went on a date.
Oh, I don't have time.
Okay, So like six minutes later you want to be on a date, not six months later? I got it.
Okay, Okay, next question, here we go.
I'm going to dig in here. I feel like, oh I might have my glasses on. Let's see. Okay, let me try not to. If someone has a bad really relationship with their mom, is that a red flag? Oh that's a good question.
Oh boy?
And is it different from men and women?
You know what?
I think it depends on the mom. I would have to meet the mom to know, because look, I would like to believe all moms have the best intentions, and you want to place the blame. We all blame our moms for everything, right, But the reality is I would want to meet the mom before I made that decision.
You'd have to assess the situation.
But do you know that old saying if he's good to his mother, how he treats his mother as well?
Okay? But is that always true? Because that's my I mean, I'm I'm wondering. I need to know man for a friend, and could he have.
Too good of a relationship with his mom. That would that would be the biggest red flag.
The woman or the man.
I think it depends. Like my husband was treated his mother like gold, and he treated.
Me like gold.
I did not get along with my natural mother at all, but very close with my stepmother, and so I think it really just depends.
On generally speaking, though, would it be a red flag? I don't know you would would? You would like to think, but you always say robes. You talk about like, if you're too dependent on your mom, how close is that relationship? Is that also a warning sign of a red flash for.
Me as a woman with the man, if he was too close with his mom, I would be concerned also just about where I stood, how the mom would view me. That all matters as a woman.
And where do you fit in comes first, he comes second.
That's not going to work.
If he doesn't get along with his mom.
I want to know the reason.
Yeah, I want to know that.
Why doesn't he like his mom?
Yeah?
Maybe he loves her, but maybe they just don't have I think you can't go both places.
Like said, we need to meet her.
Question, we need more information.
Okay, I'm going to be struggling to read this as well, okay.
You need some help.
When do you have the oh, when do you have the conversation about how someone's relationship is.
With their ex.
I don't care about that. I don't either, because there's a reason why they're their ex and it might not have ended well. And that's okay.
And I think if you have confidence in who you are, start right there and move forward.
Yeah.
I usually have that conversation that comes out one way or the other on the first date, like we're friends, he's there, we're parents together, grandparents together, he's around.
No, you mean that I was singing about an ex justin dating, but I guess would go either way.
Who cares?
Yeah, I'm with you. Yeah, I want them to know up front. I want to know everything front.
I only think you have to have the conversation when it's when the ex shows up in our relationship, then we need to talk about it.
I don't want to know. You want to be surprised?
Well, heads up right.
I don't care about it until it, in some ways starts to impact the relationship I have with.
Okay, So wait, can I ask a question?
This is Roman numeral one, you know part Bif you guys have exests multiple it's it important that you get along with each other's exes, so it's not too stressful.
My answer is two words. The first one is hell. One is no, I don't care the way I should have no relationship. I don't need any relationship with anybody and.
With kids and stuff.
With her kids are older, our kids are older, so we just don't. It's not necessary necessarily.
If it were necessary, if you knew that that person was going to be in your life, of course yes, but in a perfect world, and certainly when your kids are older, it's not as important. It's just I mean, I don't need to know because if I know you and I love you, I don't I don't need to base it off of another relationship because dynamics are so interesting, and I think you can actually not be the best version of yourself in the wrong dynamic, and I wouldn't want to be judged by that.
It's like judging somebody because of their past.
Correct.
You know, I know none of you regret the marriages because either children or lessons or both came out of them, But do you regret the time wasted between knowing it's what needed to be done and actually.
Doing it, whether that was months or years.
Regrets a big word.
That's a tough word.
You learn, you learn.
But my mom would always tell me when I was going through a difficult time in a relationship. He said, it's better than no in five months than in five years if it's not good. I know it hurts right now, son, I know your heartbroken, but you just found out this isn't where you should be. You found out in five months instead of five years. Congratulations, that's the lesson. Like your mom, Yes, she always taught me that.
And then you get stuck on stupid and you know, but you don't do anything about it, and you try to raise your kids and do the right thing for the family, and you wait till way, way later.
Can I just ask a question, does anybody in this room I'm not divorced, wasn't divorced, my husband passed away, But does anybody think that having staying together in a marriage for kids is a good way to go?
Absolutely not.
I don't think it is either. When it comes to regret, Yes, you know, I think it's a tough word, because you do. I do believe that we all make the best decision with the information we have at the time, and we're weighing things that we can't possibly know will change or evolve, and in that moment, a lot of us do what we think is best for our kids in that moment. So it's hard to look back and say I should have or like I think should have and could have are like one of the most dangerous phrases you can use because you can't do anything about it. I think you just have to understand where you were and give yourself a little bit of credit that you were doing the best you could, like.
You said, Jenny, giving yourself at that time.
Yeah, yeah.
I think on the opposite side, I think I would say I regret wasting time holding on to it, you know, because I wasn't in either. In any of my situations, I've never been the one to leave, like I stay, like I work, I keep working, And so I think from the other side, I think I regret the time wasted on my side, that I wasted myself. Yeah, like wanting it just because that's the way it was supposed to be.
Yeah, supposed to That's a tough one too write.
That's how we were taught and raised. YEA, keep trying. It's never give up. But the best is when your children.
You wait till they out of school and you make this move and they come to you and go, mom, why did you wait so long?
Yeah? They see things so differently though when they're older.
Yeah, so little regrets not.
Here, there, here, and there. Okayturn your turn.
Hope you don't get a pair of I'm going to pick.
Up a specific a little word of one.
Hold on.
Okay. Do you know in the first five minutes if you want to go out with someone again?
Or does it grow?
Oh?
I know what's in the first time?
I they walk across the room?
Really yeah, I don't know about that because when I met my husband, like he was across the room, I saw him for the first time. This was on a setup.
I just saw him outside. I mean, I get it.
No, no, no, no, I saw him and I said, ugh.
You did your husband? Yes? Wait? Can I tell you?
I met my husband at a fraternity party when I was eighteen years old. I walked in everybody this back in the age when everyone was eighteen drinking alcohol. I looked at him. It was a huge frattorney party. I was with my roommate. I looked at this guy across the room, and I looked at her and I said, see that.
Guy right there?
Said yes, I'm going to marry him, and I had eighteen months later and we were married almost forty six. However, now I do the same thing.
You said, aren't we aren't we?
Visual? We are?
But yeah, no, I had, I said, and he he pursued you. Then, well no, because I'm just saying you don't know what you don't know.
Well again, Susan, this is why we're single. We're so busy looking at so a couple. You said, oh when you first met her, Yeah, what changed your mind?
Well, I didn't want to date a you know, a tall handsome actor guy like I was over. I wanted just like normal, nice, just you know, not affected. I wanted that, okay, And you know, I thought I assumed wrong. I assumed that.
He was one of the four agreements you do not assume.
Okay, that sounded wild. You said, I don't want to date a tall handsome act.
God call really says that, you know, Susan, she can.
You gotta walk a mile sometimes you gotta.
He knows the story that you a story?
Oh yeah, you know?
Okay?
How about you sin? Do you know immediately like, yeah, I'm never gonna see her.
I guess questions about the five minutes you do know minute one, if you want to keep talking for a minute two and two to three and three to four.
It's called chemistry.
And then at some point it might be fifteen minutes. It might sometimes even be fifteen years or eight years. Yeah, that you figure out this is not where I want to be or where exactly where I want to be. So yeah, that chemistry, you know immediately when it doesn't work, and sometimes it happens in sixty seconds, Yeah, sixty things. Yeah with you again it with We had chemistry, but we had no idea about romantic chemistry that we were going that direction. But we hit it off.
Oh yeah, we liked each other. Yeah, we liked each other from the moment we met each other ten years ago.
But like, but that's a different thing when you.
Yeah, well we were in We were also not available, so it wasn't even a consideration. So that was a different perspective from when we met. We weren't even considering it. Neither one of us were options for the Kay, you're cool. So he was like, I like you, I dig you, I like hanging out with you, and so that was just where it was, and that's where it stayed for eight years.
Yeah, and then you got hot.
It happens to me all the time and I find out they're gay.
Ye. If they're too fun, yeah, they're too well dressed, if they're too beautiful, perfect.
Okay, here's a question here. Okay, best advice for someone dating someone who's lost a spouse? Best advice for dating someone who's lost.
A story question?
Yeah, although you're not dating, so.
Yeah, the best advice for dating somebody's lost spouse. I think the advice I would give them is, don't try to recreate the relationship you had with your spouse. Look for someone who genuinely just makes you feel happy in the space that you're in now, and try not to look backward and look forward. That's what I try to do every day. I try to just look forward and give people a chance when I meet them, and not compare them. Don't compare people to your spouse.
I would think, try not to replace them.
My second bit was exactly that that, don't think that your heart is closed off.
It's like having a child.
You have a child, and you think I could never love another child.
And then when I have.
My mother and child, it's just your heart expands. So my husband will always be in my heart way of looking at it yet, but I have room for or another person.
I have room for love in my heart. So I would tell people to be open.
I'm gonna cry as something. I know you remember this. Patrick Swayze's widow spoke to us about the love she has now and the husband she has now with She said there was a room in my heart for both, and he was the one who always supported her in that and made sure she I know, there was the love of your life and I'm here now. But but she spoke of it in such in a way that you're speaking of it now that I had really never heard somebody talk about it.
That's beautiful.
People watching Jones seasons, did you hear keep saying with the bachelorette.
Yeah, of guilt at all. And it's like, okay, move on.
Wow, How how long how long since your husband passed?
He died? It'll be six years.
It's not that long. That's not that long.
Feels like so many things have changed in my life.
You know, team sports.
My husband was a huge sport, so he's missed so many things in college football and basketball, and he's missed grandchildren being born, and he's miss marriages, and he's missed divorces, and he's missed weddings.
And it just seems so long. It seems so long. But you know what I said.
I carry him every day in my heart, but I have room for that person that could come and join me where I am.
Oh that's beautiful. Yes, this is coming to us from Chrissy Burns. She's forty three years old, she's a single mom. She asks, how do I attract the right guy that actually wants a commitment? Why am I only attracting men who want something casual?
We're twins?
Yeah, I mean I get it.
Wait, you have a commitment thing.
No, the men that I meet I attract the wrong kind of you attracted?
Yeah, I want commitment.
We're yelling at me the other day.
I'm the same kid. Well, I think, wait, wait, wait, what's the.
Kind the wrong con?
I think Susan doesn't. I'm not sure you're clear on who it is you want. And so I think she gets into it and then goes, hey, that was fun for ten minutes. I don't think you found the guy you want. I don't think you haven't found the guy worth committing for.
That's just this is true.
This is is what happens, you know when you work together a lot.
Where are you like, where are you meeting men? How are you like? What is it? What energy or what are you putting out that is attracting this thing?
I am opening and I feel as if and I've been told I intimidate me. I'm very outspoken. I am not shy, but to sit and have a conversation with me is easy.
You're funny, like you.
Make me laugh all day and maybe when you are like good time girl and Funion are here to help that.
When people say to us all the time that we're funny and we're huge personalities, but we I just almost Yeah, we have our really sensitive side.
But men are like, whoa, you're a lot.
And it's tough too. I think to go and put your intentions out initially, like on a first daid, Hey, I want something serious? Whoa's like maybe problem?
I mean, I say I'd like a house on Martha's vineyard. Do you have one that might be off?
That might be off?
Stop leading with that question.
Possibly, I root frustrate to the point when you get to a point you don't have a lot of time.
It's like, okay, let's let's figure out where you stand, where we stand.
What are you?
What are you looking for? Opening? What are you looking?
Really? At our age?
We've talked about this isn't at our age. You know, we've raised children, we have grandchildren. We I know what I'm after. You sort of know what you're after really kind of.
And I just think you know why waste time?
I mean, yeah, TG and I talked about this, I think just in our last podcast, almost immediately when we just got to the point where we were, I was like, and here's the deal, Like, this is what I would only be okay with. And He's like, this is what I would only be okay with. And just as adult, setting the boundaries immediately when you recognize you have feelings for each other is important.
But also, you guys have lived and so if have you, Jenny, We all have You've lived life, You've had other spouses. You know, you've learned those lessons that make you strong in your if you will boundary setting.
Right, Yeah, And it's just it's like, again, I don't want to waste time.
I'm just a hopeless romantic. I know sick, all right, I'm with Six months later, I realize, yes, it's not it. I fall hard fast and I go.
And then she's like, I think I have a buss to catch him out. O.
Wait, okay, so there's something there is there? What let's stick deeper?
Oh boy, here we go. She's a therapy again. I got here, all right, here we go. This one's from Britney. It looks like Brittany Dion Cabaccas. I'm sure I'm pitturing the day with authority. And it's it, said Brittany Dion Cabaccas. That's your name. Do Amy and TJ find it hard working together and being together and yet still finding.
Time for the date nights.
Trying to balance life and love can be so hard as it is detail lol.
On the date nights we are together twenty four to seven. I think we have I I can only speak for me. I am blown away at how I can be with one person for so much and still feel like it. Well yeah, and I actually feel like I miss him, Like if we're working, I'm like, wait, I miss us?
Can we can we?
Actually?
You hate us?
You said you hate that everything you want that what she said?
Yeah, are we understand that we're really annoying and we do have our moments where things aren't hunky dory, but we for the most part, I would say, more so than not. And again I am shocked. I know me, I've lived with myself for fifty plus years, and I have never been this person where I'm like, how am I still happy to be with you and wanting more? If that's even entirely possible? But yeah, I mean we have had to hit more so for me, he's had to say let's go on a date, let's go out, and we can't talk about work. We can't, And I have messed like, oh sorry, no, and that actually was nice.
A come on, I'm dying, don't you want.
What you have?
You know? And what you all are talking about. It is all comes down to a foundation of friendship. We were we built, we were built for eight years on friendship. We are good to go. I know her as well as anybody else on the planet, so that's where we started.
But you know me more than anyone else on the planet, exception for your for your daughters and your parents.
I wanted to leave, okay, okay, but it works because we don't necessarily do date not. We don't. I hate the idea of date nights. I just hate having to plan.
To take work. It's like a Valentine's card.
It's in my head. It's okay, other people want to do that. But our date nights are date days and date mornings. We take a walk and go get a bagel.
We'll just take quiet time together and get.
Lunch and mix cali and look out and the window and have our market enough.
We're used to working together, so that was always like the fun. So work stays kind of fun for the most part, and then we actually get to like be together.
Do you have time for other Do you have time for other friends to go out with your other friends?
Not really?
Oh, not a lot.
That is what you get busy.
You're busy, and you're okay to disagree.
You're you agree to friends.
Absolutely, that's so important friend. That's what I lead.
Absolutely, And we were we were before like like that's what was happening. Like I was like, this is the guy. I just I tell everything to like what it's crazy?
Yeah, continuing to talk about it.
I love your relationship, you know, I to you guys That's what I said.
When do you need to kiss by to see if there is physical chemistry?
How long you have to wait when you kiss.
Them, but wait to see if that's the problem right there?
Well, you know there's chemistry before you.
Get correct either I want to kiss you or I don't need to.
And if you're going to stay more them five minutes, it's because I want to kiss you.
And you know that if you turn the cheek it's over.
Oh. Absolutely. If you're wondering whether or not you want to, that's a red flag. You don't want to and you don't want to exactly, you can't force that.
All right, I'm not going to jime me in on the kissing one, but I will jime in. We will all continue to jime me in more. We're going to continue with this fun round of questions from our listeners in part two.
Of I Do Part two, Part two and a.
If you get where we're going.
So in the meantime, call us at one eight four four four I Do Pod. That's eight four four four four three six seven six three. You can also email us at idpod at iHeartRadio dot com, or follow us or and follow us on Instagram. And TikTok At I do Part two pod all questions. What you don't understand what I just said. Hopefully the listeners do. But that is how you can get in touch with us. Let us know if you would like us to help you find love second time, third time, four time around, whatever. We are here for you and we'll be back in the next episode with more answers to your questions. Three