It's I do Part two. On this podcast, We're going to talk about looking for love the second time around. I'm Chock Chapel. Some of you may know me from the Golden Bachelorette where I met my beautiful fiance Joan. We've had a great time together. I've got to tell you, guys all about that. Before I met Joan, I was just like you the listeners, looking for my due part two, and I know it's not always easy to open up yourself to love, and again, when a marriage doesn't work out, there's a lot of challenges and a lot of questions. Today, I'm excited to answer some of the questions that you the listeners have, because I'm going to tell you this. I think I'm pretty good at it and I've had a lot of counts late in a lot of years underneath my belt in the love world. So let's get started. Okay, let's go to my first caller, Amy.

It's I do Part two. On this podcast, We're going to talk about looking for love the second time around. I'm Chock Chapel. Some of you may know me from the Golden Bachelorette where I met my beautiful fiance Joan. We've had a great time together. I've got to tell you, guys all about that. Before I met Joan, I was just like you the listeners, looking for my due part two, and I know it's not always easy to open up yourself to love, and again, when a marriage doesn't work out, there's a lot of challenges and a lot of questions. Today, I'm excited to answer some of the questions that you the listeners have, because I'm going to tell you this. I think I'm pretty good at it and I've had a lot of counts late in a lot of years underneath my belt in the love world. So let's get started. Okay, let's go to my first caller, Amy.

Hi, my name is Amy, and I have a question. I am have been divorced for about fifteen years and just have turned fifty, and it feels like the online dating sites don't really work for me anymore. Just wanted to see if you had some advice on places outside of the dating apps to meet people that are over fifty.

Hi, my name is Amy, and I have a question. I am have been divorced for about fifteen years and just have turned fifty, and it feels like the online dating sites don't really work for me anymore. Just wanted to see if you had some advice on places outside of the dating apps to meet people that are over fifty.

Thank you well, Amy, I'm glad you asked that question because it comes up all the time. And the guys on the show, they talked about dating apps. It worked for a couple of them, a lot of them didn't like it or it just didn't fit. But when people ask me that question, what I do is I go, let's think about how many people you know and what you really want in life. Some people are just looking for that number one soulmate, you know that's going to replace somebody that they were maybe married to or that they lost to disease or an accident. But what I do is I say, let's look at the people that you know, because references in the world, it's you know, it's always what we say is it's people, people people people. And if you can tell your friends that you're open to dating, and I'm very adamant about this, don't do this too quick. If you don't really want to date, let's you know, don't muddy the waters. But if you're ready to start dating, the first thing I'd recommend is to tell your friends say hey, I'm looking and a lot of people go I live in a small town, I live in a city. My friends don't have anybody. You'd be amazed. And then once you ask them that favor, to say, hey, if you know someone or if you're considering somewhere, one of your friends might have it, they'll open up. So apps my personal opinion work twenty fifteen to twenty percent of the time. The rest of it's just getting out. But if I were to do one thing, that would be to ask people for referrals. And when I say referrals, I'm a business guy. But hey, do you know anybody that I might find interesting? They might find me interesting, somebody I could have breakfast with a cup of coffee, a lunch, just get to know people. I have a very good lady friend of mine I've known my whole life, and her name is Jennifer. She was living in Austin and she went on a match date and the gentleman she was having the dinner with just said, Jen, you know we're I don't think we're the right people, but I have a friend of mine that i'd like for you to meet. She's been married to him Dave for probably ten years, have a great relationship. They moved back to my hometown of Witchtock, Kansas. They've got a great life together, so it can happen. That was just kind of an interesting thing on a dating app that's worked a couple of guys on the show. As I mentioned earlier, they are on the dating apps and they like it, but I think they're still kind of playing a numbers game. They're not looking for that one soulmate. They're just looking to meet people and to see what happens. So, you know, my advice to you is just get out there, open your heart and ask people that you know, and then we'll go to it with some other questions and some other detailed things I think you could do to find love. Okay, now we're going to go to Melissa, and she's got a great question for me.

Thank you well, Amy, I'm glad you asked that question because it comes up all the time. And the guys on the show, they talked about dating apps. It worked for a couple of them, a lot of them didn't like it or it just didn't fit. But when people ask me that question, what I do is I go, let's think about how many people you know and what you really want in life. Some people are just looking for that number one soulmate, you know that's going to replace somebody that they were maybe married to or that they lost to disease or an accident. But what I do is I say, let's look at the people that you know, because references in the world, it's you know, it's always what we say is it's people, people people people. And if you can tell your friends that you're open to dating, and I'm very adamant about this, don't do this too quick. If you don't really want to date, let's you know, don't muddy the waters. But if you're ready to start dating, the first thing I'd recommend is to tell your friends say hey, I'm looking and a lot of people go I live in a small town, I live in a city. My friends don't have anybody. You'd be amazed. And then once you ask them that favor, to say, hey, if you know someone or if you're considering somewhere, one of your friends might have it, they'll open up. So apps my personal opinion work twenty fifteen to twenty percent of the time. The rest of it's just getting out. But if I were to do one thing, that would be to ask people for referrals. And when I say referrals, I'm a business guy. But hey, do you know anybody that I might find interesting? They might find me interesting, somebody I could have breakfast with a cup of coffee, a lunch, just get to know people. I have a very good lady friend of mine I've known my whole life, and her name is Jennifer. She was living in Austin and she went on a match date and the gentleman she was having the dinner with just said, Jen, you know we're I don't think we're the right people, but I have a friend of mine that i'd like for you to meet. She's been married to him Dave for probably ten years, have a great relationship. They moved back to my hometown of Witchtock, Kansas. They've got a great life together, so it can happen. That was just kind of an interesting thing on a dating app that's worked a couple of guys on the show. As I mentioned earlier, they are on the dating apps and they like it, but I think they're still kind of playing a numbers game. They're not looking for that one soulmate. They're just looking to meet people and to see what happens. So, you know, my advice to you is just get out there, open your heart and ask people that you know, and then we'll go to it with some other questions and some other detailed things I think you could do to find love. Okay, now we're going to go to Melissa, and she's got a great question for me.

Hi, my name is Melissa, and I would like to know how to approach a new relationship when you're not quite recovered from your last one. Inevitably, we compare people to someone we used to love and that doesn't always work out and it's not fair to them. So how do I get out of that headspace of comparing a potential suitor to my ex?

Hi, my name is Melissa, and I would like to know how to approach a new relationship when you're not quite recovered from your last one. Inevitably, we compare people to someone we used to love and that doesn't always work out and it's not fair to them. So how do I get out of that headspace of comparing a potential suitor to my ex?

Thank you Melissa again? Another great question. What I feel about this Because I was married for twelve years, two kids, and then I had a long term relationship with somebody for nine years. It's tough and it's a challenge to get them out of your mind. But Joanah and I have talked about this. We don't want those other loved ones out of our mind. You just look at it as a chapter of your life and go, I had this person for this amount of time. Whatever happened happened, but then learn from it. Joanah and I had conversation today and we were talking about gifts and those type of things, and I love how what I asked her is, I said, what are the important gift dates for you? And she goes my birthday, Christmas, and then Valentine. She goes, I've always loved something for Valentine, So she goes John that was her husband. You know, That's what we did. And Melissa, I personally feel that if you have a jealous partner, there's a bigger issue. A little bit of jealousy is probably a healthy thing, but someone that just dwells on it and really gets frustrated when you talk about an ex, talk about a past I think they might be controlling. That's just my opinion, so I'd be very cognizant of that. But again, you know, talk about your past, open up, because Joana and I have done that, and that's one of the things that really attracted the two of us to each other is you know, it wasn't picked up on the show, but at Disneyland we talked about our exes, and when we had dinner, I went into a little bit more detail. But during the day Jonah talked about it because I was curious and I wanted to know her history. And I know, and I'm okay with myself going if John was still alive, I probably wouldn't be in the picture. And Joan said, I was married for thirty two years. It was just a terrible circumstance that happened. He passed have cancer. So you know, just just go slow and talk about your ex I really think that's a compliment to them. You owe that. But then with your new relationship, they need to know how you feel and you have to be open to move forward. And I've said this time and time again, it takes a little bit of time. Some people, my father has not had a lot of time between his relationships. He's been married thirty five years now, but before that it was you know, they call him a trapeze artist and where they kind of jump from one to another. And his last wife, they've just had a great relationship. So it's worked. But just be comfortable. And here's the other thing too, is it's communication and honesty and if you're honest, you're going to win in the long run. So again, thanks meliss a great question. Okay, now we're moving on to Jessica, who has another great relationship question. All right, Jessica, Hi, talk.

Thank you Melissa again? Another great question. What I feel about this Because I was married for twelve years, two kids, and then I had a long term relationship with somebody for nine years. It's tough and it's a challenge to get them out of your mind. But Joanah and I have talked about this. We don't want those other loved ones out of our mind. You just look at it as a chapter of your life and go, I had this person for this amount of time. Whatever happened happened, but then learn from it. Joanah and I had conversation today and we were talking about gifts and those type of things, and I love how what I asked her is, I said, what are the important gift dates for you? And she goes my birthday, Christmas, and then Valentine. She goes, I've always loved something for Valentine, So she goes John that was her husband. You know, That's what we did. And Melissa, I personally feel that if you have a jealous partner, there's a bigger issue. A little bit of jealousy is probably a healthy thing, but someone that just dwells on it and really gets frustrated when you talk about an ex, talk about a past I think they might be controlling. That's just my opinion, so I'd be very cognizant of that. But again, you know, talk about your past, open up, because Joana and I have done that, and that's one of the things that really attracted the two of us to each other is you know, it wasn't picked up on the show, but at Disneyland we talked about our exes, and when we had dinner, I went into a little bit more detail. But during the day Jonah talked about it because I was curious and I wanted to know her history. And I know, and I'm okay with myself going if John was still alive, I probably wouldn't be in the picture. And Joan said, I was married for thirty two years. It was just a terrible circumstance that happened. He passed have cancer. So you know, just just go slow and talk about your ex I really think that's a compliment to them. You owe that. But then with your new relationship, they need to know how you feel and you have to be open to move forward. And I've said this time and time again, it takes a little bit of time. Some people, my father has not had a lot of time between his relationships. He's been married thirty five years now, but before that it was you know, they call him a trapeze artist and where they kind of jump from one to another. And his last wife, they've just had a great relationship. So it's worked. But just be comfortable. And here's the other thing too, is it's communication and honesty and if you're honest, you're going to win in the long run. So again, thanks meliss a great question. Okay, now we're moving on to Jessica, who has another great relationship question. All right, Jessica, Hi, talk.

This is Jessica calling. I had a question for you that I would love your advice on. I am in a relationship with a divorced man. He was married to his ex wife for fifteen years and we have a great relationship. We've been together for about like almost six months now. We're great, but there is one thing that I kind of struggle with within our relationship. His ex wife is a little bit overbearing and he's always on the phone with her or has to leave the room to call her and text her a lot, and sometimes he becomes like a bit emotional when talking about her, whether it's angry or upset about thinking something about the past. And they don't have any kids together, so I understand if they were to be talking often because they need to talk about the kids, but they don't have kids, so I don't really understand why they communicate so much. And they have been divorced for two years now, and I ask him a lot if you know he still has feelings for her, and he says no, he just cares about her, and he claims to let me know in the beginning of when we started dating that she'll just always be in his life. But it's challenging for me, so I'm just trying to think of a way to communicate to him that it really bothers me and it really comes off like he still has feelings for her. So I would love your advice on this.

This is Jessica calling. I had a question for you that I would love your advice on. I am in a relationship with a divorced man. He was married to his ex wife for fifteen years and we have a great relationship. We've been together for about like almost six months now. We're great, but there is one thing that I kind of struggle with within our relationship. His ex wife is a little bit overbearing and he's always on the phone with her or has to leave the room to call her and text her a lot, and sometimes he becomes like a bit emotional when talking about her, whether it's angry or upset about thinking something about the past. And they don't have any kids together, so I understand if they were to be talking often because they need to talk about the kids, but they don't have kids, so I don't really understand why they communicate so much. And they have been divorced for two years now, and I ask him a lot if you know he still has feelings for her, and he says no, he just cares about her, and he claims to let me know in the beginning of when we started dating that she'll just always be in his life. But it's challenging for me, so I'm just trying to think of a way to communicate to him that it really bothers me and it really comes off like he still has feelings for her. So I would love your advice on this.

I think it would really help me.

I think it would really help me.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

By Jessica. This is a tough one and what you're going to get from me is just my opinion. But I have been through a lot of counseling in my life, especially when Kathy was passing, and with my wife, my only wife is we try to keep our marriage together. This doesn't sound healthy from your standpoint, and just to be direct with you. If he's still having that much communication with her, there's a red flag. It's one thing, as you'd mentioned, if you have kids, because you just have to deal with the kids. And I really appreciate and foster when divorced parents communicate about their kids because it's a great way to raise them and let them know that they love each other. But he has to let go of that. A previous caller was talking about, you know, just the communications about with the dating couple, about your prior exes. You have to do this, But I personally would not be involved with somebody that was talking to their ex every day for multiple times. It was getting emotional and walking into the next room and having private, private conversations. There might be some codependency there. And again I'm not a licensed therapist, but that's kind of what it sounds like to me. And for both of them to heal and move on, I think if you really say he's a great guy, he's probably a great guy. But I would say you're going to have to concentrate on me. This is too much, And that's just my personal opinion, but I think for you to be healthy, you need to take a stance there because I would not want to date somebody the rest of my life have them always talking with their exit moving away. And I'm a person that says I mentioned in a couple other questions that I had, I have lady friends. I absolutely believe that you can have friendships with the opposite sex and it doesn't have to be sexual. Joan has a very good friend, doctor Ron, who's a great guy. I've met him a couple of times. He's open to me. He's just a great guy. And I'm not jealous.

By Jessica. This is a tough one and what you're going to get from me is just my opinion. But I have been through a lot of counseling in my life, especially when Kathy was passing, and with my wife, my only wife is we try to keep our marriage together. This doesn't sound healthy from your standpoint, and just to be direct with you. If he's still having that much communication with her, there's a red flag. It's one thing, as you'd mentioned, if you have kids, because you just have to deal with the kids. And I really appreciate and foster when divorced parents communicate about their kids because it's a great way to raise them and let them know that they love each other. But he has to let go of that. A previous caller was talking about, you know, just the communications about with the dating couple, about your prior exes. You have to do this, But I personally would not be involved with somebody that was talking to their ex every day for multiple times. It was getting emotional and walking into the next room and having private, private conversations. There might be some codependency there. And again I'm not a licensed therapist, but that's kind of what it sounds like to me. And for both of them to heal and move on, I think if you really say he's a great guy, he's probably a great guy. But I would say you're going to have to concentrate on me. This is too much, And that's just my personal opinion, but I think for you to be healthy, you need to take a stance there because I would not want to date somebody the rest of my life have them always talking with their exit moving away. And I'm a person that says I mentioned in a couple other questions that I had, I have lady friends. I absolutely believe that you can have friendships with the opposite sex and it doesn't have to be sexual. Joan has a very good friend, doctor Ron, who's a great guy. I've met him a couple of times. He's open to me. He's just a great guy. And I'm not jealous.

I'm not.

I'm not.

I think they've got a great relationship. She's decorated his doctor's office. I mean, so that can happen. But if she was talking about Ron the whole time, I would know, is that person in the relationship. There's a problem, there's a red flag. So I wish you luck, and there's a reason why you called that. I would, frankly, as they say, lay the law down and say, you know, this is just too much and take it from there. But tough one, and I wish you luck. Thank you for the call. Okay, we've got another call from Cassie. She's divorced and she's got a great question. So Cassie.

I think they've got a great relationship. She's decorated his doctor's office. I mean, so that can happen. But if she was talking about Ron the whole time, I would know, is that person in the relationship. There's a problem, there's a red flag. So I wish you luck, and there's a reason why you called that. I would, frankly, as they say, lay the law down and say, you know, this is just too much and take it from there. But tough one, and I wish you luck. Thank you for the call. Okay, we've got another call from Cassie. She's divorced and she's got a great question. So Cassie.

Hi, my name's Cassie, and I am a divorced sea living in sunny Florida and I'm just trying to get back out there. But I'm really like an in person kind of gal, and so I hate using the dating apps. And yeah, I just don't know how I should go about meeting guys at this stage in my life in person. Please any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Hi, my name's Cassie, and I am a divorced sea living in sunny Florida and I'm just trying to get back out there. But I'm really like an in person kind of gal, and so I hate using the dating apps. And yeah, I just don't know how I should go about meeting guys at this stage in my life in person. Please any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Well, Cassie, this is another question that we've got on the dating apps. And I just smiled because after I got divorced, I was on the dating apps for a couple of years and I've got some great stories, I mean absolutely bizarre. Not some good people, but there are some interesting people out there. But the stats today say there's like forty percent of couples that beat through dating apps. And then my kids they're on them all the time, both of them were single. My son's actually started dating someone that he did meet on an app. They do work, but for the generations. I don't know how old you are. And I went on to Forbes to do some research on this, and there's like eight dating apps and there's one like you know my age, you know Match is the one that's been around. E Harmony still ranks up as number one, so I wouldn't throw them away. I just be selective and doing that. But your main question is how do I meet people? And I've said this before, and I read a Dale Carnegie book and it was just about opening up to people and saying hi. And then there was another book about a person says, get on the elevator and face the wrong way. I did that with Joan the other day. She was nervous, but it made me talk to people. I looked him in the eye, and I'm not really that outgoing Joan is. I'm a kind of an introvert, but I forced myself to meet people because I like to meet people. And then the other thing is when you meet people, it's not about you, it's about them. If you'll just ask some simple questions, people will open up to you. And there's going to be some people that shun you and walk away. But you know, for meeting people, it could be at the grocery store, it could be at a gym, it could be at a church. It could be through friends. I love meeting people through friends. And if you go to a party in my business world. The gentleman I used to work for, if we went to a big conference, we couldn't sit at the same table with people that we knew. He goes, I want you to go meet new people, So forcing yourself to do that, but just that actual little high how are you doing, we'll get conversations started. My best friend met somebody in New York City at the TSA line and it was curving around. He just said, hey, how are you doing? And they ended up in a relationship. So open yourself, but be open. And again, some of us that are on the introverted side, it's tough to do, but don't be afraid. What's the worst thing that's going to happen. Usually they'll kind of walk away or you know, you know, I'm not interested, or something like that. But I think it's good training to do that because if you do wait and I've had people ask this question too, why do I end up with the wrong guy? Probably because they're coming to you. What about you? Just and it's not aggressively but just passively, just saying hi to people and see where it goes. And again, I'm the biggest fan of asking your friends, friends and family, going Hey, I'm ready to date again. Do you know of anybody? So if you don't like the appse that's the best place to start. But he got another friend of mine that met someone at the gas station who was pumping gas just across from him and just started talking to them. You have to say something, and not everybody's going to say something when I say you have to, but not everybody's going to approach another person. But be warm, a little bit of eye contact, and just be confident. And this is one thing I'm a guy that I see about ladies. Had lunch today with a business client of mine and I saw a lady walk into the restaurant who wasn't a tent attractive person but wasn't a tent, but are confidence And it just kind of I noticed that, So have the confidence. And then I've had people go, well, I'm a bigger girl, I'm this, I'm that Confidence is who you are. And if you'll train yourself to say i'm this person, I'm a good person, it's going to open up a lot of avenues to you. So I get the dating the app dating because I did it. It was a crazy ride. I could tell I could go for five hours on the stories that I had. But I met some great people. But I didn't meet anybody that I ended up with through through a dating app other than Kathy, that was my significant other of the past. We met through Facebook and she approached me and it was interesting. She just sent me an it's a DM on Instagram. I don't know what it was on Facebook, but she just said, Hey, I know your dad. I'd like to I know you know my father. I'd like to meet you. So open up, smile and people talk to them and just have a good time. But again, great question, and I wish you the best. Okay, We've got another great question for Monica, who was recently out at a bar. And when any question starts with hey I was at a bar, I love to answer these, So Monica, bring it on.

Well, Cassie, this is another question that we've got on the dating apps. And I just smiled because after I got divorced, I was on the dating apps for a couple of years and I've got some great stories, I mean absolutely bizarre. Not some good people, but there are some interesting people out there. But the stats today say there's like forty percent of couples that beat through dating apps. And then my kids they're on them all the time, both of them were single. My son's actually started dating someone that he did meet on an app. They do work, but for the generations. I don't know how old you are. And I went on to Forbes to do some research on this, and there's like eight dating apps and there's one like you know my age, you know Match is the one that's been around. E Harmony still ranks up as number one, so I wouldn't throw them away. I just be selective and doing that. But your main question is how do I meet people? And I've said this before, and I read a Dale Carnegie book and it was just about opening up to people and saying hi. And then there was another book about a person says, get on the elevator and face the wrong way. I did that with Joan the other day. She was nervous, but it made me talk to people. I looked him in the eye, and I'm not really that outgoing Joan is. I'm a kind of an introvert, but I forced myself to meet people because I like to meet people. And then the other thing is when you meet people, it's not about you, it's about them. If you'll just ask some simple questions, people will open up to you. And there's going to be some people that shun you and walk away. But you know, for meeting people, it could be at the grocery store, it could be at a gym, it could be at a church. It could be through friends. I love meeting people through friends. And if you go to a party in my business world. The gentleman I used to work for, if we went to a big conference, we couldn't sit at the same table with people that we knew. He goes, I want you to go meet new people, So forcing yourself to do that, but just that actual little high how are you doing, we'll get conversations started. My best friend met somebody in New York City at the TSA line and it was curving around. He just said, hey, how are you doing? And they ended up in a relationship. So open yourself, but be open. And again, some of us that are on the introverted side, it's tough to do, but don't be afraid. What's the worst thing that's going to happen. Usually they'll kind of walk away or you know, you know, I'm not interested, or something like that. But I think it's good training to do that because if you do wait and I've had people ask this question too, why do I end up with the wrong guy? Probably because they're coming to you. What about you? Just and it's not aggressively but just passively, just saying hi to people and see where it goes. And again, I'm the biggest fan of asking your friends, friends and family, going Hey, I'm ready to date again. Do you know of anybody? So if you don't like the appse that's the best place to start. But he got another friend of mine that met someone at the gas station who was pumping gas just across from him and just started talking to them. You have to say something, and not everybody's going to say something when I say you have to, but not everybody's going to approach another person. But be warm, a little bit of eye contact, and just be confident. And this is one thing I'm a guy that I see about ladies. Had lunch today with a business client of mine and I saw a lady walk into the restaurant who wasn't a tent attractive person but wasn't a tent, but are confidence And it just kind of I noticed that, So have the confidence. And then I've had people go, well, I'm a bigger girl, I'm this, I'm that Confidence is who you are. And if you'll train yourself to say i'm this person, I'm a good person, it's going to open up a lot of avenues to you. So I get the dating the app dating because I did it. It was a crazy ride. I could tell I could go for five hours on the stories that I had. But I met some great people. But I didn't meet anybody that I ended up with through through a dating app other than Kathy, that was my significant other of the past. We met through Facebook and she approached me and it was interesting. She just sent me an it's a DM on Instagram. I don't know what it was on Facebook, but she just said, Hey, I know your dad. I'd like to I know you know my father. I'd like to meet you. So open up, smile and people talk to them and just have a good time. But again, great question, and I wish you the best. Okay, We've got another great question for Monica, who was recently out at a bar. And when any question starts with hey I was at a bar, I love to answer these, So Monica, bring it on.

Hi, my name Monica.

Hi, my name Monica.

I have a question.

I have a question.

And I got this reaction show when I was out at a bar that a look that was like, oh, she's divorced. Our man really intimidated by divorced women.

And I got this reaction show when I was out at a bar that a look that was like, oh, she's divorced. Our man really intimidated by divorced women.

Let me know, all right, Monica, and I had a Monica that worked for me for a number of years, so that name makes me smile. Are men intimidated if a woman's divorced, I would say once you get past thirty to forty years old, absolutely not. The divorce rate is over fifty percent in the United States. It just happens. And a lot of times people get married when they're too young. And this is just me preaching going they really didn't know what they wanted, what they were doing. They might have been attacked, attracted to a type somebody likes the jock at high school. It just wasn't the perfect uh, the perfect spouse forum, or someone got into somebody, you know, a professional that was going through multiple years of or college that added that kind of stress. So no, men, mature men are not and especially those with confident are not intimidated with ladies that have been divorced. Absolutely no way, shape or form. What's interesting, though, is you'll have some that don't want to get into a blended family, and you'll see that. I've had that with a couple of my friends. But the majority of them love the blended family. You know, most of us have kids, some of us, you know, there's a certain percentage that don't. But no, that's part of it. And the nice thing is if people really love people, they'll go into that open armed, open hearted, and just love the situation. So don't worry about that at all. And I would actually I wouldn't lead off with that. But if somebody just said, and this was some of the best advice I ever had, is never blame your ex, never because it looks bad, and just say, hey, it didn't work out. We had a great relationship. And that's what I say with my ex wife is we were two different people. We got married probably a little you know, a little younger, a little premature, but we had two great kids. She's got a great husband now she's very happy. So I wish you the best. So that's the people you want your life. But again I'll tell you, don't ever be embarrassed at you're divorced, because so many of us have been through that. Good luck to you. Okay, we've got another great question from Lisa. Really I'm dying to hear this one. Bring it on.

Let me know, all right, Monica, and I had a Monica that worked for me for a number of years, so that name makes me smile. Are men intimidated if a woman's divorced, I would say once you get past thirty to forty years old, absolutely not. The divorce rate is over fifty percent in the United States. It just happens. And a lot of times people get married when they're too young. And this is just me preaching going they really didn't know what they wanted, what they were doing. They might have been attacked, attracted to a type somebody likes the jock at high school. It just wasn't the perfect uh, the perfect spouse forum, or someone got into somebody, you know, a professional that was going through multiple years of or college that added that kind of stress. So no, men, mature men are not and especially those with confident are not intimidated with ladies that have been divorced. Absolutely no way, shape or form. What's interesting, though, is you'll have some that don't want to get into a blended family, and you'll see that. I've had that with a couple of my friends. But the majority of them love the blended family. You know, most of us have kids, some of us, you know, there's a certain percentage that don't. But no, that's part of it. And the nice thing is if people really love people, they'll go into that open armed, open hearted, and just love the situation. So don't worry about that at all. And I would actually I wouldn't lead off with that. But if somebody just said, and this was some of the best advice I ever had, is never blame your ex, never because it looks bad, and just say, hey, it didn't work out. We had a great relationship. And that's what I say with my ex wife is we were two different people. We got married probably a little you know, a little younger, a little premature, but we had two great kids. She's got a great husband now she's very happy. So I wish you the best. So that's the people you want your life. But again I'll tell you, don't ever be embarrassed at you're divorced, because so many of us have been through that. Good luck to you. Okay, we've got another great question from Lisa. Really I'm dying to hear this one. Bring it on.

Hi. My name is Lisa, and I just wanted to ask for some advice. I'm getting back into the dating scene for the first time in twenty years. You know, my divorce is only behind me, but I'm nervous about getting intimate. Do guys feel the same way about this kind of thing. I feel like I'm self sabotaging potential low connections because I'm like super self conscious. So any advice there to.

Hi. My name is Lisa, and I just wanted to ask for some advice. I'm getting back into the dating scene for the first time in twenty years. You know, my divorce is only behind me, but I'm nervous about getting intimate. Do guys feel the same way about this kind of thing. I feel like I'm self sabotaging potential low connections because I'm like super self conscious. So any advice there to.

Think, Lisa, what a great question, and for a gentleman that's been through that and who has a lot of people in their lives and frankly we talk about it. The intimacy is probably one of the biggest challenges that any of us face when we get back into the dating world. There are some people, and you'll smirk at this, some of the listeners will that had a marriage or a relationship and they didn't have a lot of sex at the end of it. It could go on for five or ten years. So when they get out, they're very interested in the intimacy. Intimacy is in the eye of the beholder, and it's what you're all comfortable with. Some people like it, some people love it, and you know the timing. Everybody asked, well should I you know, I dated someone and they said, I won't have sex for like ninety days. And I don't know about their history on that, but that's what they just said. And I think what had happened with them is they got into some relationships were intimate. And then one thing about intimacy, it either brings you together or it will push you apart where it doesn't work. And I've also read numerous times where a pretty famous psychiatrist said, I like it when people have sex or intimate early in because they find out if that's going to work, because if it doesn't, it'll lead to a lot of problems down the road. So the confidence comes from, you know, the sexual confidence. The intimacy really comes from yourself. I'm sixty two years old. I don't look like I used to when I was twenty and thirty years old, so I'm not is in a good shape, But you just have to be comfortable and a lot of it is like with Joan. I like to hold her and I really really like to snuggle with her. And it's it's been out on social media that she's not a big handholder, and I've really got her changed on that. But I love snuggling with her, and so maybe that's not sex, but just that touch and it makes you feel very good. I've got also a rule that I kiss her whenever we're together. I kiss her before I go to bed every night. I think that's important. We were very fortunate that we haven't had any fights. But I just think that that's part of it, because you said intimacy and not sex, but sometimes they can go together. But you are the only one that will know, unless you know when you're ready for it and when the time is right. If it's not right, or if you just don't feel comfortable after a certain period of time, or it's happened multiple times, I want to go see a therapist. I'm a huge fan of a therapist, and a friend of mine is a therapist. He goes. They're just tune ups and they can help you through it. But no one wants to be affluozy. No one wants to be too easy. But it is a big part of life, and the intimacy and having sex can bring a couple closer, and it can bring love and enjoyment to you. So I hope that helps. It's kind of a tough question, but I do want to reiterate again. I think it's very important you do it at your own time and never let anybody push you. You won't be happy with that, but be open to it because as a man, it's a big part. You know how big it is. Some guys they really that's very important. Other guys they're okay with it. And the other thing too, I'll mention is you're our age. You said you were just getting back into the dating world after twenty years. As you get a little bit older, it's not as important when you were younger. But again that's where all kind of debate to the left and saying, you know, if you're not ready, and it can lead to it, and you can put you in a bad situation. But you know, just a hug or the cuddle, holding hands and that close touching intimacy is a second best. So I wish you a lot, but again, do it at your own pace. Thanks. Great question. Okay, we've got another question from a lady named Meghan. All Right, Megan, I'm real curious on this one.

Think, Lisa, what a great question, and for a gentleman that's been through that and who has a lot of people in their lives and frankly we talk about it. The intimacy is probably one of the biggest challenges that any of us face when we get back into the dating world. There are some people, and you'll smirk at this, some of the listeners will that had a marriage or a relationship and they didn't have a lot of sex at the end of it. It could go on for five or ten years. So when they get out, they're very interested in the intimacy. Intimacy is in the eye of the beholder, and it's what you're all comfortable with. Some people like it, some people love it, and you know the timing. Everybody asked, well should I you know, I dated someone and they said, I won't have sex for like ninety days. And I don't know about their history on that, but that's what they just said. And I think what had happened with them is they got into some relationships were intimate. And then one thing about intimacy, it either brings you together or it will push you apart where it doesn't work. And I've also read numerous times where a pretty famous psychiatrist said, I like it when people have sex or intimate early in because they find out if that's going to work, because if it doesn't, it'll lead to a lot of problems down the road. So the confidence comes from, you know, the sexual confidence. The intimacy really comes from yourself. I'm sixty two years old. I don't look like I used to when I was twenty and thirty years old, so I'm not is in a good shape, But you just have to be comfortable and a lot of it is like with Joan. I like to hold her and I really really like to snuggle with her. And it's it's been out on social media that she's not a big handholder, and I've really got her changed on that. But I love snuggling with her, and so maybe that's not sex, but just that touch and it makes you feel very good. I've got also a rule that I kiss her whenever we're together. I kiss her before I go to bed every night. I think that's important. We were very fortunate that we haven't had any fights. But I just think that that's part of it, because you said intimacy and not sex, but sometimes they can go together. But you are the only one that will know, unless you know when you're ready for it and when the time is right. If it's not right, or if you just don't feel comfortable after a certain period of time, or it's happened multiple times, I want to go see a therapist. I'm a huge fan of a therapist, and a friend of mine is a therapist. He goes. They're just tune ups and they can help you through it. But no one wants to be affluozy. No one wants to be too easy. But it is a big part of life, and the intimacy and having sex can bring a couple closer, and it can bring love and enjoyment to you. So I hope that helps. It's kind of a tough question, but I do want to reiterate again. I think it's very important you do it at your own time and never let anybody push you. You won't be happy with that, but be open to it because as a man, it's a big part. You know how big it is. Some guys they really that's very important. Other guys they're okay with it. And the other thing too, I'll mention is you're our age. You said you were just getting back into the dating world after twenty years. As you get a little bit older, it's not as important when you were younger. But again that's where all kind of debate to the left and saying, you know, if you're not ready, and it can lead to it, and you can put you in a bad situation. But you know, just a hug or the cuddle, holding hands and that close touching intimacy is a second best. So I wish you a lot, but again, do it at your own pace. Thanks. Great question. Okay, we've got another question from a lady named Meghan. All Right, Megan, I'm real curious on this one.

Hello, my name is Meghan, and I have a question. I live in a really small town and and you live in a really small palty. You're dating someone, their exes are everywhere, and so I guess I'm wondering how I should be handling that interaction with my boyfriend. So, my boyfriend and I am constantly running into his exes. They work at different establishments around town, and we constantly run into him, and I feel like he constantly has the need to check in with them spend time with them, and I try to play it cool and not be jealous, but there are times where it's like really hard to do that. So I guess I just don't understand what his mindset is when he feels like he has to go over and say hello, or he has to spend time checking in with them while I'm saying somewhere else and not doing the same thing. It's just in a small town, it's really hard to not be friends with everybody, so you want to try and keep your cool and not really be jealous or have an issue with anyone that's around here because it's too small. So I guess I'm just wondering how I should handle that, or why he keeps feeling a need for people that he's no longer with to like him.

Hello, my name is Meghan, and I have a question. I live in a really small town and and you live in a really small palty. You're dating someone, their exes are everywhere, and so I guess I'm wondering how I should be handling that interaction with my boyfriend. So, my boyfriend and I am constantly running into his exes. They work at different establishments around town, and we constantly run into him, and I feel like he constantly has the need to check in with them spend time with them, and I try to play it cool and not be jealous, but there are times where it's like really hard to do that. So I guess I just don't understand what his mindset is when he feels like he has to go over and say hello, or he has to spend time checking in with them while I'm saying somewhere else and not doing the same thing. It's just in a small town, it's really hard to not be friends with everybody, so you want to try and keep your cool and not really be jealous or have an issue with anyone that's around here because it's too small. So I guess I'm just wondering how I should handle that, or why he keeps feeling a need for people that he's no longer with to like him.

Megan, what a question. And I've got some parallels to this. I grew up in a small, rural farming community. I grew up out in the country. There were thirty four people in my graduating class, so when you say small town, I can relate to that. There's an old saying, as you in a relationship or even a business relationship, you have to teach people how to treat you. And I think it's very rare if people just have this, you know, I use the word parallel, where everything is perfect and you don't get hurt by something they say or they do. If it bothers you, and the way you described it, I think it is too much. And I would tell that person and then you'll find out if they really care for you. There are people, and there's a lot of people, and they're good people and they want to be nice to people. But spending too much time when you're in a new relationship is not healthy. Because if I was the other guy that was with the lady that he used to date and he's spending time with him, I'm going something that's not right there. So as we get older we figure this out or we don't, and we're just kind of that person. And I don't know. The guy could be a great person, but I know where you're coming from, and for you to ask that question, I would say, there's a problem. But first of all, I would tell he might say, hey, you know this bothers me. I understand you're a nice guy. You want to say hi, but I do need your attention, and you can even use that word it's disrespectful. Only you're the one that can say it's disrespectful. But as I've gotten older and Jonah and I've talked about this, as we can argue and we can you know, we can have different positions, but when you're disrespectful to the person that you're with, that's a problem. So I can't tell you specifically if he's being disrespectful, but I wouldn't say it's a small town because it sounds like if it was a bigger town or a city, he'd be doing the same thing. So I think you just have to communicate with him and say this is important to me. And I'm not jealous, it's just I don't think it's healthy for our relationship. So I wish you luck. That's a tough one and almost everybody goes through that, even in the big cities where you see people and you just have to be comfortable. But he is your man, and he needs to treat you like you're his woman, And I go back to respect. So if he was a friend of mine, i'd say the same thing of going, hey, guy, you're in a relationship, you've made that commitment. You like this person, you need to respect her and the relationship. So my advice helps you there. But just I'd go back and i'd have a heart to heart and also, you know, start off the conversation too, say I'm not jealous, but this is how I feel. And I think you'll get some good results out of this, and I wish you the best, So take care. Okay, We've got a voicemail from Claire, and that name is familiar. This Claire is not familiar to me, but one of my first girlfriends was named Claire, so I'm very interested to see what she has to say. So Claire, bring it on.

Megan, what a question. And I've got some parallels to this. I grew up in a small, rural farming community. I grew up out in the country. There were thirty four people in my graduating class, so when you say small town, I can relate to that. There's an old saying, as you in a relationship or even a business relationship, you have to teach people how to treat you. And I think it's very rare if people just have this, you know, I use the word parallel, where everything is perfect and you don't get hurt by something they say or they do. If it bothers you, and the way you described it, I think it is too much. And I would tell that person and then you'll find out if they really care for you. There are people, and there's a lot of people, and they're good people and they want to be nice to people. But spending too much time when you're in a new relationship is not healthy. Because if I was the other guy that was with the lady that he used to date and he's spending time with him, I'm going something that's not right there. So as we get older we figure this out or we don't, and we're just kind of that person. And I don't know. The guy could be a great person, but I know where you're coming from, and for you to ask that question, I would say, there's a problem. But first of all, I would tell he might say, hey, you know this bothers me. I understand you're a nice guy. You want to say hi, but I do need your attention, and you can even use that word it's disrespectful. Only you're the one that can say it's disrespectful. But as I've gotten older and Jonah and I've talked about this, as we can argue and we can you know, we can have different positions, but when you're disrespectful to the person that you're with, that's a problem. So I can't tell you specifically if he's being disrespectful, but I wouldn't say it's a small town because it sounds like if it was a bigger town or a city, he'd be doing the same thing. So I think you just have to communicate with him and say this is important to me. And I'm not jealous, it's just I don't think it's healthy for our relationship. So I wish you luck. That's a tough one and almost everybody goes through that, even in the big cities where you see people and you just have to be comfortable. But he is your man, and he needs to treat you like you're his woman, And I go back to respect. So if he was a friend of mine, i'd say the same thing of going, hey, guy, you're in a relationship, you've made that commitment. You like this person, you need to respect her and the relationship. So my advice helps you there. But just I'd go back and i'd have a heart to heart and also, you know, start off the conversation too, say I'm not jealous, but this is how I feel. And I think you'll get some good results out of this, and I wish you the best, So take care. Okay, We've got a voicemail from Claire, and that name is familiar. This Claire is not familiar to me, but one of my first girlfriends was named Claire, so I'm very interested to see what she has to say. So Claire, bring it on.

Hi, this message is for Chalk. My name is Claire and I am divorced, no kids.

Hi, this message is for Chalk. My name is Claire and I am divorced, no kids.

I've been divorced for a couple.

I've been divorced for a couple.

Of years and I've been dating a divorced single dad for about three months now and he hasn't talked to me about introducing me to his kids yet, and I'm just wondering, like how to bring it up because I don't have kids of my own, and I know it's a really sensitive topic, but I feel like this is a really serious, potentially serious relationship and I really like Rip's headed and I just don't know how to bring it up. I really do want to meet his kids, so help.

Of years and I've been dating a divorced single dad for about three months now and he hasn't talked to me about introducing me to his kids yet, and I'm just wondering, like how to bring it up because I don't have kids of my own, and I know it's a really sensitive topic, but I feel like this is a really serious, potentially serious relationship and I really like Rip's headed and I just don't know how to bring it up. I really do want to meet his kids, so help.

Claire. What a good question. And I've got some experience with this. I don't know if my opinion is going to be right, but I do have some experience. We recorded a show for Drew Barrymore, Joan and I did. It was very interesting. They had a guy on there that talked about his crashed relationships because within a month he would take them to meet his mother and family. And it was interesting. They had a psychiatrist on there and then the crowd, the audience got involved and they asked me for my opinion. And you're saying three months. At one month, I thought that was too early, and the psychiatrist said, they have to earn that, and they have to earn that, not in a negative way, but just spend time with you. You know that there is a true future because you don't want to hurt kids. As we get older, we're adults. We can take the lumps. Kids get attached, or they might get jealous. I'm a divorced guy, daughter and son. My daughter has been very tough on some of the some of the men that my ex wife has dated, just because in my eyes, I'm her dad and she's grown out of that. But she was pretty tough, So there's some good part of it. But you being a mom without kids, if I understand correctly, you're probably gonna love them. And I will tell you this is I can just ramble on this. I've got a number of friend couples that elected not to have kids or they couldn't have kids, and I look and I go, they would have been great parents. So give this a little time. And I would say up to six months. And after six months, because they're a part of him, I would say I'd give him till six months, give him a little bit of breathing room. Hopefully the ex wife is comfortable. You never you know, I don't know how their marriage in it, if there's any contentciousness in it, you know, if there's issues there. But maybe he's working through that, or maybe he just doesn't want the kids to see him with another woman. And a lot of the other thing I'll met you too, is a lot of it depends on the age of the kids. You didn't mention that. The younger they are, it's a little bit tougher. The older they get it because they might be dating or they're a little bit younger than the dating age. But the young kids they just don't know. So my advice to you is give it another three months and mentioned to him just once or twice, but don't mention it too much, just going, hey, when you're ready, i'd like to meet your kids. And then the other thing i'd say, I know they're a big part of your life, and if we're going to have a future, I'm going to be part of their life too. The lady Kathy that I was involved with for nine years, I was very fortunate. Her husband was very at her ex husband was very active in raising those kids. He was a great guy. And one of the reasons that it really worked for us. I didn't have to raise the kids. He was there the you know, really the raising them, the disciplining and all that was just not part of it. Kathy and I just had this great relationship. So you got to set that up. I'm glad you're thinking about it. It shows you're a good person that you want to meet them. But don't meet the kids, but don't push it. Give it another six months and just once or twice ago, but you know, say hey, it's time. But at the five to six months, I'd say, hey, I think it's time I meet your kids. And then you know, I'm going to go to this further. No sleepovers for a long time. When you meet the kids, especially if they're young, just don't do it. It's not fair to them. It sends so many mixed signals. Even though you might be tired one night or something like that, don't do it. It's just not healthy. Give them time to grow and mature and to figure these things out. So I wish you luck. I'll say it again, five or six months. At three, it's a little early, and it's all about the kids. You just don't want to hurt them psychologically, and you don't know what I don't know what they're going through. So good luck. Sounds like you got a great guy. I bet it's going to work out. I truly think this one will work out for you. Just give it a little bit of time and patience. So good luck to you. Thanks, thanks for the question. Okay, now what we're going to do after those call in questions, We're going to go through some emails that were sent to me all right here is a great question from Martha. Martha states on her email tomorrow would be my twenty fifth wedding anniversary. I wish it didn't matter. I'm fifty seven, chunky, and scared to put myself out there. I was that girl in school that was friends with the guys and never dated that much in the first place. After being out in the dating scene for this long, I have no idea where to start, what to say or to do. How will I ever find love? Part two? When I'm here. So I've got a story for you, Martha. When I was in college and I went to Kansas State University, there was a lady and I'll give you her a first name, but not her last name, Carol, because I'm not going to say it. But Carol was a little chunky. But you know what she did. She cooked for us. She was a great person. She was so much fun, and she was a great friend to the guys that I hung out with and we all worked out a lot. She would cook, She was just the funnest person in the world. She was a little chunky. And the reason I'll tell you this story is the guys we all got together after, you know, years after college, we goes whatever happened to Carol, and almost every one of us go, you know, we should have married her. She was such a good person. So you know your body types. And the other thing I'll tell you is people are attracted to different things. And as we get older, and you said you're a little bit up in age, that physical part is not the most important. So go for a walk. You know, if you want to lose a little weight, try to eat a little healthier. It'll make a little bit of difference in your confidence, or hopefully a lot of difference. But don't be worried about that, because there's a person out there that's going to love you for who you are. And just open yourself up. So it's been a long time. I'll keep repeating myself, just meet people and fine. And then I haven't said this before, but I I do believe in it. And this is what happened with Kathy and I. She asked me to coffee and it was just very hate Would you like to have a cup of coffee? And I said yes, And we were together nine years before she passed away. So all of us have something to offer, and I'll meet people throughout my life I meet, you know, a ton of people through business, through the Bachelor Show, and they're also interesting. And what you do is we get a little bit older, you want that interesting person or someone you go that's going to be a really good mate for me, a companion. So I wouldn't worry about being chunky if it bothers you, you know, cut back a little bit, take a walk, it'll be good for you. But there's a guy out there for you. So you know, just keep your head up, show the confidence and be interesting. And you know, the other thing is I'm not a big dresser. There's guys that were on the show that were just to the tea. I like to say, I'm just going to look good. I'm not gonna look frumpy. And I think that's important too, is just to take care of yourself. I mean, not take care of yourself, but dress. And the other thing is we can all hide a little bit, you know, when we put a little time into our outfits. So that's another thing you might do. But we all know as we get older that you know, we're not in the shape or the condition we were in our twenties. But remember Carol, for me, she was a great lady. I don't know whatever happened to her, but we all look back and go she was probably the one that got away, So I wish you luck. Take care. Okay, we've got another email question that came in from Miranda. What advice would you give for a single mom in a small town who is struggling to find the time and opportunity to meet new people. Also, any advice on how not to feel defeated by dating apps? Well, dating apps and I could talk about this for a long long time, and there's a reason why they call it swipe left or swipe right. They're tough and you won't always get I think a dating apps almost like a job interview. But there's a lot of fraud. There's no other way to put it. There's a lot of fraud in dating apps. Is you're probably going to get the best the person is. That's going to be the best picture. It's going to be, you know, and a lot of times it's not who they really are. I've seen my daughter and I went through it. My daughter's twenty five and she's on the apps, and she was showing me pictures of these guys and they'll be like with their dog or with their mother, and then she'll find out that they haven't seen their mother in twelve years. You know, just these kind of things. So it is what it is. But I would tell you what the dating apps. Have an open mind, and then know that there's a car crash in about every other one or every third one, and then just make sure your picker is is on. You know, your picker is really working. And but you can meet some great people. My brother met his wife on Match and they've been married. They've got a twelve year old son. You know, we all know the people that have met people through dating apps. And then i'd also match. If you want to go back to the dating apps, I'd match it with your personality. I've made a couple of notes and you might find this interesting, like pull this up the nine Big Day. Not in any order, but they're in order. E Harmony supposedly they do the best research and get the best matchmaking. Here's one for us that are older, date my age dating dot com. St stir kind of sounds like it's a hookup place. Match our Time, which is for us older people. Zoosk Elite Silver Singles, Christian Mingle and if you're Jewish Jay date. So there's a lot of them out there. I think if you were just using one and you got frustrated with it, because there's fifty year a hundred of them out there, I wouldn't let that bother you. I would try it, But then I always go back to making the time. So you live in a small town, I grew up in a small town, there's still people there to meet. You just have to make yourself available. Let's say that you're working one or two jobs, you've got kids, you don't have a lot of time on the weekends, you can take a lot of time or even I'd mentioned before in a couple of other calls, I've had friends that have met people at gas stations at the TSA line, And what you have to do is you have to be open. Because when I was single, if I was somewhere and it was the best looking woman in the world and she didn't even make eye contact with me, I knew that there was probably no choice, no chance on that. So just make eye contact and be nice. And if you're not a talker, just kind of open up and you don't have to flirt with them, but just make eye contact and be look friendly and trust me, it'll probably work for you. But I grew up in a small town. I know it's you know, it's tough because there's not that many people. But if there is a chance you date someone there, the thing is you'll know them or a friend will know them, and you can get that reference. You go into a big city, you just don't know. You're talking five to ten dates before you even really get to know who the person is or what they do. Because if you go look online, you go to Instagram, Facebook, the dating apps, you're probably not going to get the whole story because everybody tries to be bigger, quicker, stronger, faster and better looking. So I wish you luck, but you know, keep your head up there there's people out there, and just be nice and say hi to people. It'll be interesting to see what you come up with. So good luck to you. Okay, we've got We've got an email from Shary. Shary, I would love some dating advice. I always feel like I picked the wrong men, dysfunctional, the controlling type. I've lost my desire to date and bury myself in other things like TV and work. Any advice would be great. How can I spot these type of men faster and find the right kind. Well, I will tell you sharing my dentist spells her name or the dentist that I go to spells her name the same way. If you could figure that out, you would write a book and you'd be a billionaire and you'd probably be hanging with JK. Rowlins in a castle in Europe. That is one of the toughest things. And what I will tell you is if you date, you get experience, and then you have what I call are non negotiables. Non negotiables are right eighty to ninety percent of the time. You know, if you want to date somebody in the same religion you have, you want to date somebody that's not been divorced three times. And I'm a big advocate of this is almost all of us have been divorced more than fifty percent. So somebody goes data divorced person, especially when you're our age, it just dwindles it down. I don't want somebody to have kids in the home. Those type of things, those are the easy ones. The detecting of the personality. And I had somebody very smart in my life goes. I give them test because just talking and all that's kind of easy. But I'll give them little tests about what would you do in this situation or this happened to me? How would you handle it different? And you'll be able to read those people. But then narcissism and sociopath path that is out there and you have to be very cognizant of it, and you don't want those people in your life. Trust me, they are bad news. And if you see that where they continually put themselves above you or other people, you don't want it. You're going to have a miserable life. And I'm being very strong on my opinion there, but I have a saying that I brought from my mother. I wish I would do that, but she goes. I just said this on the Drew Barrymore Show that the person needs to make your life better. And it's not that they're subservient. They're giving you gifts all the time, but they have to make your life better. And if they don't make your life better, there better be something that you really like about them. But it's not healthy. And the thing is, as we get older, it's healthy relationships. It's the sea communication and then healthy relationships. So I wish you luck. But if you get you know, we live in a world of second chances, but be careful with that and you might have to date or be patient and not date for a while till you find that right person. But looks fade as we get older, but the character is there. And make sure that person has the morals, the morality, the interest that you have. And they don't always have to line on interest, but somebody that you could sit there. Another good thing is can I see myself getting older with this person? Ladies will go I don't want a nurse or a purse because they're sitting to going to all these guys. They kind of want me to just take care of them when I get older, and that's not what they want to do if they're active. So that's another thing to consider. But spending time with them, asking questions and watching them. There's an old thing that's an old saying with people that have addictions is don't listen to them. Watch their feet. And that's the same thing with people. If you think you've got a bad picker, watch their feet, watch what they do, don't listen to them. And I've learned that in my life. I wish I could say I never had to learn that lesson, but I have. But be careful of it. But be patient and be kind and carry but look for those signals. And I wish you luck. Okay, this is one from Lisa. Is there one dating site better than the other? I work remotely, so I can live anywhere in the world. Well, my daughter works remotely too, and she goes I can live anywhere in the world. The thing is, would I give you advice on a dating it app? I've only used. I used e Harmony and Match, but years ago after I got divorced, so I'm really not qualified. I can just tell you what I've heard from people. You have to look at a bunch of them and then you have to be selective. It's just like picking a mate. So E Harmony and I'm not promoting e Harmony, but they're still, you know, ranked as the number one because I remember going through their questionnaires and it takes like I shouldn't say two hours, but it felt like two hours where they ask you all these relationship feeling, morality questions. I think that's what is needed. Instead of posting a picture in a bedroom or a lady posted a picture showing you know her assets. I think that's just a bad, bad, bad idea. I met somebody through a friend of mine. I met her and her husband. They actually met on linked In. I didn't realize that LinkedIn had a dating but both of them were professionals, and she said, I wanted to find another professional. My younger brother met his wife on Match and he lives back in DC, and the filters that they have are just incredible. He wanted he's an attorney, and he wanted somebody that had a postgraduate degree, didn't have to be an attorney certain things, and he matched up, but he was living in such a big city and he found his wife. They've been happily married. So I would play with all of them. And when you get on there, if they don't ask a lot of in depth questions, they just want your money, but also ask your friends. I get it. I can tell you almost. I think any series or group of ladies that are single, one or two of them have tried it. But the other thing, too is be patient. And I'm a firm believer of trying a little bit of everything in life. I'd get on the dating apps, but when I was on them, I mean, it was just it was just it was just never ending. And not that I'm special, but there was just so many people on them. How many of them more bots, how many of them more real? And then you would see somebody that you'd like and you'd write something interesting. You never hear from them, So you've got it. You know, you've got to be tough. You've got to be ready for a little bit of rejection or when you do finally talk to that people that person. But I met a couple of people that are still friends on Match, and actually I referred one of them to the show if they do the Golden Bachelor, I think she'd be perfect for it. So you meet a lot of interesting people, but just be selective on who you think is going to be somebody that makes your life better. And I want to talk too about opening the distance up when you put your criteria in for an application for a dating app. Back when I did it, I had an office in Kansas and then one in Florida, and a lady that I met and I did not lie, but I said, I've got an office. I'm traveling back and forth to Florida. I met her down there and we really liked each other. But the distance wasn't going to work. She wasn't going to move to Kansas. Her family was down there, and at the time I had young kids. Like right now, people always go, well, is are going to work? With Joan and myself, I think it will work, and I believe it will work because our kids aren't in the house. Joan is very tied into her grandkids. My kids have both moved away, So my business and my friends keep me in witch Top. But at some point we'll make a decision and we'll find out what we're going to do. But I would be open. I can't tell you. And I'm very fortunate in my business because I customer service and I work with so many people that I hear these stories. A friend, mind ken Wells, he met his wife and she lived about one hundred and eighty miles away, and usually go, well, that's too far away. They met, she elected to move to Wichita. She is so ingrained in the community and now she's doing VRB homes all over the country and they just have a great life. So if you're going to open it up, make sure that you're willing to travel. Another friend of mine out of Wichita is dating somebody in Kansas City. This is a lady friend and she goes, it's a little bit of work, but he's a good man and we're willing to do it and we're willing to make it work. And she goes. At some point, we'll have to figure it out. But I wish them the best. So be very realistic, realistic when you say how many miles are, what your distance is going to be, because don't expect them to come see you every time. If the relationship is going to work, and it's going to have to be a given a flow that you're going to have to do this, but you will definitely meet more people. And I would look into it. But you have to sit there and say, am I willing to travel? Can I drive there? Can I drive there safely? Can I fly? Am I willing to do this? Because you'll meet, you'll meet, You'll just expand and you take that circle and you just keep expanding it. You might have five times the amount of interested parties in it. But you better be willing to travel. But I wouldn't if I lived in a small town, because we've had some people go small towns or small cities. If you're not willing to travel, don't do it because it's not fair to expect either a male or a female to always come see you. But I do. I would personally, I would expand it, but I'd have a little soul searching with myself, going, am I willing to drive an hour? Two hours? Those type of things? What I'd be willing to fly to see someone? Am I willing to relocate? Because as we get older, this isn't a game. And you know, we're not just saying hey, what you know? This might sound fun. These are people's lives and it's our future. So just be careful. But ask yourself those questions and you'll trust me, you'll have a good time. Okay, I have one final email question. This one's from Chrissy. That was my younger sister's name who passed away at a young age. So Chrissy, I love it on a missip. How do I attract the right guy that actually wants a commitment? Why am I only attracting men who want something casual? Well, first of all, is a guy probably sixty to seventy percent just wants something casual, and so your your job in the dating world is to ferret that out. We're not all bad, and it's a different point in the life that lives that they're at and you're at. Younger guys, we all know it's going to be a lot more casual as you get older. You want a partner and what I would look at and it's almost, you know they say dating, Especially the first couple of days, it's almost like a job interview. You got to be fun, you've got to be interesting, but you've got to ask some questions. And I'm a big believer of just kind of throwing out test questions. But I did have somebody one time gone. This is probably harder than any job interview I had. But I'm like, this is my time, my life, and I don't want to waste your life as well attracting the right person. And what I think this is, it's it's so natural. I had question from somebody that said that they were chunky. I have guy friends that like chunky ladies and vice versa. Women are much more relaxed with how people are their body types than men. But there's still men out there that are looking for that right person. And trust me, and what I will tell you from a guy that's worked out his whole life. My daughter she has. She's a great cook and she's not a size zero, and I'm so proud of her. She loves to cook, and I go, honey, you can marry a billionaire. All you've got to do is cook for them. And it's a little joke that she and I have, So you know, I wouldn't worry about that much. But attracting and being attracted to someone is natural. But then also look and go are they a good person? If you're younger, would they be a good spouse? Are they going to be a good parent? Are they going to be this as you get older? Are we going to be compatible? Are they going to like my family, my friends? Are we going to grow old together or are they just going to play golf or sit on the couch and I want to go do things. I want to play cards. So you go through that and you've got to be careful. I just my advice to people is, don't settle. We all know somebody in our life is gone. I've settled, and it's their life, and for whatever reasons they stay with them. It could be family, it could be money, it could be kids, it could be just complacency. But just my advice to you if you don't have to, don't settle and just keep looking for that right person. And it's very tough as we get older to change people, but I do. I say this with Joan, is work with me on a new experience. I might like it. Just last week we were in Mexico. I don't like heights. I mean, I've flown airplanes before, but being outside in the wind, I don't like being high. We were on a paarasail that was probably seven or eight hundred feet. I wouldn't have never have done it. If Joan goes, hey, let's go do it, and you know I'd probably go do it again. So be patient throughout the ideas and know how to. It's not manipulative, but it's opening men's eyes. Because we're stubborn, we think we know it all. We don't need maps to get somewhere. But a woman, a smart intellectual woman that we need, has that map and they can kind of direct us. I have extremely successful friends, surgeons, big business guys, private equity, that type of thing. Every one of them, and most of these guys are long term marriages, which I respect. But every one of them has a great woman. And when I say strong strong in their own ways that they work it out. My friend that's an orthopedic surgeon, his wife is a doctor. They work it out. My other buddy that's a neurosurgeon. His wife quit working to take care of the kid and to make sure everything does. Now they're traveling and have a great time. They just make it work. So think of that. But then I always go back to communication. You never know what's going to happen tomorrow, but you can kind of feel it out. Especially if you're concerned about picking the right or the wrong guy, ask him those questions, test them a little bit. And I respect it when somebody. I've had people when I was dating, going well, what about this? What about this? Would you be opening? Somebody asked me to go would you be open to adopting a baby? And I'm like, you know this before I met Jonah's probably fifty eight to fifty nine years old, and I go, no, I'm honestly not. And they wanted to do that, and good for them, but that wasn't going to be something I was willing to do. So ask questions. And the other thing is spend time time. We call it repetition is repetition because then you see other people react and then I mentioned this on another question, and watch their feet. And if you think you're concerned about not being attracted or not finding the right guy, see what they do, not what they say. We are men, you know, we'll do some things, but you know, watch them and there are a lot of good men out there. I'll just tell you I'm very fortunate to know a lot of good men. There's a lot of good husband material out there. Unfortunate things happen, divorces, people pass away, So just be patient and be open. But I wish you luck and we're out there, but we do need a little bit of help. Okay, before I get out of here, we're going to do some rapid fire and I really like rapid fire, and I will tell you all the way through the show. And for those that didn't know, I'd never watched a Bachelor series before that because I wanted to just be fresh the podcast, I never researched. The only thing I really researched was the dating sites of what the popular was, because I thought that was going to be some of the questions that came up today. But I'm really interested in these rapid fire because you're going to get my honest quick response. So here we go. Valentine's Day overrated or underrated? Did you and Jones celebrate well? Joan and I just spent two weeks together. She is with her mother, her mother in law going to a birthday party this weekend, so we're not celebrating it. But I did send her a gift, and I will tell you. I called her and I said, I need to know what's important to you, what days? And she goes my birthday, Christmas and Valentine's. So she got a Valentine's gift for me, and I told her, I said, I'm a guy. You never have to buy me anything. What meant something for me is she text me. By the time I woke up and I get up early in the morning, she had text me and just said I love you. Happy Valentine's And we have this little thing. She goes, you make my life better. So it's not the most important day for me. Joan likes it because of the love. But I would say it's very important, and to most guys it's really not. But teach us, teach us why it's important to you. Okay, the next one, what's one thing every woman should know about dating a divorced man. We come with baggage, and not that because we're divorced that we're were we have baggage. It just comes. You're going to come with kids. Most guys right after they get divorced or frankly broke because they go through the divorce, They've got to split everything up. We're going to have challenges. We're going to have it x in her life. That's going to be good, bad, or indifferent. So those things come. And what I would say is be patient. And one of the previous questions was, well he keeps talking to his ex wife. I don't believe in that. I think you can have communication if you guys see each other if there's something to deal with, but everyday communication No. But and this is I'll tell you this is kind of a strong personality. Guy is we need help. We're not codependent, but we go through a divorce a lot of us are lost. I remember the day after I moved out and I had a rental house, and I woke up in the morning and I go what happened to my life? And so what kept me together were my kids and having a place to go for work, so be patient and try to figure out what's important to them. Okay, the next one, how long should you casually date someone before putting an official label on their relationship. I heard a good one the other day. What the kids do now is when they're in a committed relationship, they're off the apps. This is completely subjective, ladies, And it's like, who says I love you first? I told Joan I loved her first, and I'm okay, because I'm a confident guy. You know, it could be it could be a month. And there's people that just with Kathy, I had one date with her and I knew that she was the one and we were together nine years solid after that first date. So it kind of depends. I don't have a problem putting a label on it, especially if you're sleeping together and you're intimate, because I think people should do that at our age, and I think, and I you know, I just hear from both men and women going if we're sleeping together, we're a couple. And I believe in that, So I would say, you know, a month to three or four months. I think if it's six months and you're still dating other people, you're you're not meant to be or you're just filling time with each other, and then the label of the relationship is up to you, guys. Because I got in trouble one time for introducing Kathy as my lady friend, and I'm like, you just have to tell me how, you know, because we were engaged and it was prior to us getting engaged, and I go, you've got to help me. So that's probably more important to ladies. But teach us how you want us to label it. Okay. Next question, when dating post divorce, should you live with someone prior to getting engaged? Why or why not. I've heard two different opinions on this. I had a pastor tell me that they don't like them. They don't like people to live together because when you get married, you have to make it work and you have a stronger commitment, and a lot of the times when you're just living together, the little things will push you apart where you could look back and go, Okay, she did the toilet paper upside down, you know, left the soap in the sink, those type of things. I personally would appreciate it if my kids lived with someone on a personal basis A little bit older in life. You know, they're twenty three and twenty five, so they could get to know the person and spend time with them. So talking about both sides of my mouth, I think it just depends. Okay, last question, what's the best part about being in your I do part two chapter of your life, and I would say experience, experience, experience. Just like Joe, I'm gonna tell you a secret about Joan. We're planning a trip and I go, well, I'll get the airline ticket, but I go, can you book it because I don't have time today? And in that night I get a text from her and she goes, I went ahead and booked my part of the ticket, and I used Miles and I called her and I go, I bet you got your credit card statement Today's shows. Yes I did. I'm using Miles. So that's You've been through so much. You've been through the kid deal. You learn that so much of it's really not important or it's not that important that it's going to be a problem. So you never want to you never want to wish away your youth a day in your life. But one of the benefits is you've had experience and don't and I've got to stress this. Don't be afraid about not meeting people. People still meet people. I saw Heather, my first wife, her granddad, meet somebody at eighty years old, had five great years with him, and you know, there wasn't a sexual intimacy, but they loved each other. I mean they were companions. So it's out there and whatever fits you, just you've got to put forth the effort to find someone. But love your golden years. But the thing I'll tell you that I've dealt with is the last couple of years or health issues. I've always been very healthy, but nothing major but just knees and shoulders and hernias and my eyes going bad. So enjoy your health, but also enjoy when you get older because life moves at a little slower pace, and it's opposed to because we enjoy it. And I think even a little bit more now. So well, thank you for bringing me all these great questions. I really do like this, and I've been on a number of podcasts and I've been you know, certain things I don't like talking about, but the love, advice and just the life in general. And I've actually done this professionally too, with some groups that I've gone and uh spoke at so you know, I appreciate it. And one thing that we do need as we all grow is send these questions in and don't be afraid to ask anything because we are adults and you might be surprised. And again, I just give you opinions. I'm not a licensed therapist. I've just a guy that's been through a lot of things in my life and I will be open and honest with you. So please keep sending those in. We really do appreciate it. If you're just starting to open yourself up back up to love after a divorce and not knowing where to start, this is a great place to just get some advice from people that have been through this. And I'm very fortunate in my personal life and my business life and then also being on the show. And we've said this on the show, but this was so true, ladies, it was so true. We called it group therapy that was free. You had twenty four guys. We lost six the first night, so there was eighteen that were there for a good period of time and it whittled down. But we would talk about these stories and I've had some things happen in my life and I was kind of like woe is me, and then you hear other guys and it's just, you know, it's just opening up and learning from them, but the knowing that we can go through these tough things, divorces, deess and then bounce back and find love. And I will tell you, I do want to kind of end my comments on this, and it's to each their own, because I don't want to upset anybody. But my grandmother was married one time, lost her husband or heart attack when he was fifty two years old, never dated again, and I wish she would have, but she just never would and she said that was the guy that was my life, and I just think she could have had a more fulfilled life. It was obviously her decision to do what she did. But I would just tell you, if you really want to meet people, open up and it'll happen to you. But feel free with those questions to call her, email us, follow us on the socials. All the above information will be shown in the show notes. Make sure you rate and review the podcast. I'd really appreciate it. This is the first one I've done by myself. I'd kind of like to do some podcasts. I don't know how good at it, I am, but it's been enjoyable and with me, you're always going to get an opinion. I do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast. We're falling in love is the main objective, and trust me, it does happen. I'm a very fortunate man. Take care and we'll talk soon