What if the key to unlocking your full potential lies not in doing more, but in saying no more often. Several years ago, world renowned coach and best selling author Kemy neck Foropel received a game changing piece of advice from her coach that revolutionized her decision making. So how does Kemy decide what to say yes to and what to say no to? And how has she become infinitely better at setting boundaries? Welcome to How I Work, a show about habits, rituals, and strategies for optimizing your day. I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imber. On today's quick Win episode, we go back to an interview from the past and I pick out a quick win that you can apply today. In today's show, I speak with Kemmy Neckvopel. From the outside, Kemy comes across as so calm and present, so I wanted to know how she achieves this with everything she is juggling in her life.

What if the key to unlocking your full potential lies not in doing more, but in saying no more often. Several years ago, world renowned coach and best selling author Kemy neck Foropel received a game changing piece of advice from her coach that revolutionized her decision making. So how does Kemy decide what to say yes to and what to say no to? And how has she become infinitely better at setting boundaries? Welcome to How I Work, a show about habits, rituals, and strategies for optimizing your day. I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imber. On today's quick Win episode, we go back to an interview from the past and I pick out a quick win that you can apply today. In today's show, I speak with Kemmy Neckvopel. From the outside, Kemy comes across as so calm and present, so I wanted to know how she achieves this with everything she is juggling in her life.

I don't have a busy mind. I can't do the work that I do and have a busy mind. Everything else I'm happy to let go. I will make sure that I don't have podcasts back to back to back to back to back. I get quite a few podcast requests. I'm not a yes to every single one of them. I'm a no to most of them, so that I don't have this sense of I'm running ahead of myself. Occasionally I'll get seduced, as my old coach us to say to me, don't get seduced, And I will get seduced by certain issues around people of color or women of color in the leadership space.

I don't have a busy mind. I can't do the work that I do and have a busy mind. Everything else I'm happy to let go. I will make sure that I don't have podcasts back to back to back to back to back. I get quite a few podcast requests. I'm not a yes to every single one of them. I'm a no to most of them, so that I don't have this sense of I'm running ahead of myself. Occasionally I'll get seduced, as my old coach us to say to me, don't get seduced, And I will get seduced by certain issues around people of color or women of color in the leadership space.

Your coach said around, don't get seduced. Yes, can you tell me about that?

Your coach said around, don't get seduced. Yes, can you tell me about that?

Yes. So a woman approached me to be a part of a book that she was doing, and just the way that she communicated with me, I was like, Nah, I don't think this is going to go well. I just energetically felt there was something about the way that she shared it, and there was a little bit of kind of people let me down all the time, but I can kind of try. Now. For me, that's a red flag. So I said no. She then sent me an email and in the email she said, I know that you said no, and I asked you in person, but you will be the only person of color in this book, and I think it's really important within this particular industry, It'll be really important within this particular industry to have someone of color in this book. And there was one other family that were working within the food space that were of color, and I was very attracted to their work because they were the only family of color within this particular sort of whole food food space. So I felt it for myself. I thought, well, I saw them, and I was attracted to you. I thought, oh, it's not just me. So then I was like, oh, and I completely overrided my initial energetic reaction to how she communicated with me and my no, and I said yes. It was a nightmare for four years because actually the book never materialized. But maybe six months later I get a request from her that was more than what had originally been the case, and then I responded, already feeling I shouldn't have said yesterday, but I said yes, and now I'm going to show up and you know, commit to what I've committed to. The next email was maybe eight months later from her telling me about all the lawyers that had come on board and she was suing another person that was going to contribute, like it just it just And I had started working with my coach around about this time, so it was great. The reflection post. So you knew that you were a no what happened along the way that had you override your intuition? So that wisdom center of your intuition? What had you override? Felt like I should like, I know what it's like to be in an industry or to see books or to see movies or see films and not see a representation of you. And I felt I am in a position of privilege and it is kind of my duty to show up for people that look like me. So then she said, okay, so we now know that you will get seduced if it's around minorities. And I was like, yes, so and it was great. You know, that was one of the biggest things for me because even now as an executive coach, as a speaker in Australia, that is still the case. And I now have an arm of my business where I can give in that way where I am contributing, but it's not from a place of being seduced.

Yes. So a woman approached me to be a part of a book that she was doing, and just the way that she communicated with me, I was like, Nah, I don't think this is going to go well. I just energetically felt there was something about the way that she shared it, and there was a little bit of kind of people let me down all the time, but I can kind of try. Now. For me, that's a red flag. So I said no. She then sent me an email and in the email she said, I know that you said no, and I asked you in person, but you will be the only person of color in this book, and I think it's really important within this particular industry, It'll be really important within this particular industry to have someone of color in this book. And there was one other family that were working within the food space that were of color, and I was very attracted to their work because they were the only family of color within this particular sort of whole food food space. So I felt it for myself. I thought, well, I saw them, and I was attracted to you. I thought, oh, it's not just me. So then I was like, oh, and I completely overrided my initial energetic reaction to how she communicated with me and my no, and I said yes. It was a nightmare for four years because actually the book never materialized. But maybe six months later I get a request from her that was more than what had originally been the case, and then I responded, already feeling I shouldn't have said yesterday, but I said yes, and now I'm going to show up and you know, commit to what I've committed to. The next email was maybe eight months later from her telling me about all the lawyers that had come on board and she was suing another person that was going to contribute, like it just it just And I had started working with my coach around about this time, so it was great. The reflection post. So you knew that you were a no what happened along the way that had you override your intuition? So that wisdom center of your intuition? What had you override? Felt like I should like, I know what it's like to be in an industry or to see books or to see movies or see films and not see a representation of you. And I felt I am in a position of privilege and it is kind of my duty to show up for people that look like me. So then she said, okay, so we now know that you will get seduced if it's around minorities. And I was like, yes, so and it was great. You know, that was one of the biggest things for me because even now as an executive coach, as a speaker in Australia, that is still the case. And I now have an arm of my business where I can give in that way where I am contributing, but it's not from a place of being seduced.

Wow, what a powerful lesson to learn.

Wow, what a powerful lesson to learn.

Very much so very much. So.

Very much so very much. So.

Yeah, what have been one or two other of the most powerful things you've learned from your coach over the last couple of years?

Yeah, what have been one or two other of the most powerful things you've learned from your coach over the last couple of years?

I'm so glad that you asked me this question because I want to share this with everyone in the world. And she's no longer my coach, but I will share. Her name is Belinda mcinness. She's an International Coach Federation credentialed like myself, but she's a master master coach. She said to me, don't go to the butcher for bread. And it was in regard to a relationship where I was wanting or hoping for something that had never materialized in that relationship. I was a working relationship, intimate relationship. It was something like, let us go back to punctuality. It was something like, this person is always late. They're always late. I don't know why they're not always late. And she was like, have they ever been on time? No? She goes, okay, so you're expecting them to be on time and yet from the moment you've met them, they've never been on time. So just this idea of we'll have expectations of people. And I was working with a client just last year in her mid fifties CEO role, and she was wanting this recognition from her mom, who comes from the generation of being at home, didn't understand the working mom. This did not understand that at all. And my client wanted her mom to say to her, I am proud of you for juggling everything you're juggling and the model that you're being for your children. And I said to my client, don't go to the butcher for bread. And she said, what do you mean. I said, has your mum ever ever giving you a sense that she appreciates or of knowledges or understands what it is that you are managing in your life right now? And she said no. And I said, but the thing is is that there are people in your life that give you that all that you can ask. But to keep going back to the same person asking them for something that they have never given you does not serve It doesn't serve us. It actually will generally have our sense of self lowered as opposed to enhanced. And I think we all have circumstances in our lives where we're expecting things from other people that they have never promised us, that they have never shown us, and yet somehow we keep going back hoping.

I'm so glad that you asked me this question because I want to share this with everyone in the world. And she's no longer my coach, but I will share. Her name is Belinda mcinness. She's an International Coach Federation credentialed like myself, but she's a master master coach. She said to me, don't go to the butcher for bread. And it was in regard to a relationship where I was wanting or hoping for something that had never materialized in that relationship. I was a working relationship, intimate relationship. It was something like, let us go back to punctuality. It was something like, this person is always late. They're always late. I don't know why they're not always late. And she was like, have they ever been on time? No? She goes, okay, so you're expecting them to be on time and yet from the moment you've met them, they've never been on time. So just this idea of we'll have expectations of people. And I was working with a client just last year in her mid fifties CEO role, and she was wanting this recognition from her mom, who comes from the generation of being at home, didn't understand the working mom. This did not understand that at all. And my client wanted her mom to say to her, I am proud of you for juggling everything you're juggling and the model that you're being for your children. And I said to my client, don't go to the butcher for bread. And she said, what do you mean. I said, has your mum ever ever giving you a sense that she appreciates or of knowledges or understands what it is that you are managing in your life right now? And she said no. And I said, but the thing is is that there are people in your life that give you that all that you can ask. But to keep going back to the same person asking them for something that they have never given you does not serve It doesn't serve us. It actually will generally have our sense of self lowered as opposed to enhanced. And I think we all have circumstances in our lives where we're expecting things from other people that they have never promised us, that they have never shown us, and yet somehow we keep going back hoping.

Ah, I love that don't go to the butcher for bread.

Ah, I love that don't go to the butcher for bread.

Yeah, because they're bakers everywhere. But if you keep going back to the butcher. You don't even know where the baker is now. The baker's got lots of bread.

Yeah, because they're bakers everywhere. But if you keep going back to the butcher. You don't even know where the baker is now. The baker's got lots of bread.

I guess if you want steak, then go to the butcher.

I guess if you want steak, then go to the butcher.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, exactly.

I hope you enjoyed today's Quick Win episode. If you would like to hear the full chat with Kemmy, you can find a link to that in the show notes. If you're looking for more tips to improve the way you work, can Live. I write a short weekly newsletter that contains tactics I've just covered that have helped me personally. You can sign up for that at Amantha dot com. That's Amantha dot com. If you like today's show, make sure you hit follow on your podcast app to be alerted when new episodes drop. How I Work was recorded on the traditional land of the Warrangery People, part of the Kulan Nation. A big thank you to my editor Rowena Murray and Martinimber for doing the sound mix.

I hope you enjoyed today's Quick Win episode. If you would like to hear the full chat with Kemmy, you can find a link to that in the show notes. If you're looking for more tips to improve the way you work, can Live. I write a short weekly newsletter that contains tactics I've just covered that have helped me personally. You can sign up for that at Amantha dot com. That's Amantha dot com. If you like today's show, make sure you hit follow on your podcast app to be alerted when new episodes drop. How I Work was recorded on the traditional land of the Warrangery People, part of the Kulan Nation. A big thank you to my editor Rowena Murray and Martinimber for doing the sound mix.