You know that beautiful leather bound journal you bought with the best of intentions, the one now gathering dust under a pile of books. If you've abandoned more journals than you care to admit, you're about to discover why. After forty years of failed journaling attempts, Michael Bungay Stania finally cracked the code to sustainable reflection with his do Something that Matters journal and It's nothing like what you've tried before. Michael is the Wall Street Journal best selling author of The Coaching Habit, which Rene Brown called a classic with over one point five million books sold. Michael was named the number one thought leader in coaching by Thinkers fifty and his insights have transformed our leader's work worldwide. I am thrilled to welcome Michael back to How I Work, where he reveals his deceptively simple approach to journaling that actually sticks, his Monday morning richel that drives results, and the unexpected reflection technique that prevents him from drowning in commitments. If you've ever struggled to maintain a reflection practice, this conversation might finally end your journal graveyard collection. Welcome to How I Work. A show about habits, rituals, and strategies for optimizing your day. I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imber. Michael is so prolific with his work and is clearly in high demand all around the world, so I know he would have to be pretty good at saying no to work offers in order to avoid overload. So this chat starts with Michael sharing his very practical tips on how and when to say no.

You know that beautiful leather bound journal you bought with the best of intentions, the one now gathering dust under a pile of books. If you've abandoned more journals than you care to admit, you're about to discover why. After forty years of failed journaling attempts, Michael Bungay Stania finally cracked the code to sustainable reflection with his do Something that Matters journal and It's nothing like what you've tried before. Michael is the Wall Street Journal best selling author of The Coaching Habit, which Rene Brown called a classic with over one point five million books sold. Michael was named the number one thought leader in coaching by Thinkers fifty and his insights have transformed our leader's work worldwide. I am thrilled to welcome Michael back to How I Work, where he reveals his deceptively simple approach to journaling that actually sticks, his Monday morning richel that drives results, and the unexpected reflection technique that prevents him from drowning in commitments. If you've ever struggled to maintain a reflection practice, this conversation might finally end your journal graveyard collection. Welcome to How I Work. A show about habits, rituals, and strategies for optimizing your day. I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imber. Michael is so prolific with his work and is clearly in high demand all around the world, so I know he would have to be pretty good at saying no to work offers in order to avoid overload. So this chat starts with Michael sharing his very practical tips on how and when to say no.

I start by saying is just one of those skills that a little bit like gratitude, turns out to be a silver bullet or as close to a silver bullet to happiness as you can get, even though silver bullet's a terrible metaphor, so let's call it a warm, gentle hug towards happiness. Which is this gift of being able to say no. And I mean, I'll tell you I am not particularly good at it, and I like unhappy people, I like pleasing people. I'm the oldest child, so I've got a strong sense of responsibility and show up and do the thing. But at the heart of understanding no is a commitment to what you're saying yes to, So saying no is not just a look I'm just being obstinate or selfish. It's I've got an idea of really what matters, and my yes is meaningless unless my no has some weight. And I'm going to just take a rough guess here that there's not a single person listening to this podcast or a single person participating in this podcast. So that's you and me, Amantha, who's going The problem with my life is I just don't have enough stuff in it. The problem with my life is it's just not crowded enough. Like everybody's got too much on the yes's and so every time we make a commitment without a no, we're pouring water into a full glass and all you're doing is getting the floor wet, and you're not really getting committed to the big thing. So I've done a few things to try and build my capacity for saying no, and a lot of it is structural stuff. So it's actually not building my capacity for saying no, it's building an infrastructure around me that allows me to say no when there's parts of my body screaming to say yes. So I'll give you an example. One of the things that's really helpful is just to know that, look, I don't have to say yes right away. And in fact, one of the core things I keep trying to tell myself is, Michael, slow down the rush to yes. Every yes is precious. Your default should be no. Your default shouldn't be yes. You're default should be no. So slow down the rush to yes. So just you know, in some ways this it's just being a little bit more mindful about what are you committing to and how quickly. What helps me do that is to have criteria about what I'm saying yes to. And you know it's you won't have criteria for everything in your life that you're saying yes to. But as an example, I get asked to come and give keynote speeches on a regular basis, and every time I get a little inquiry, one part of my fragile male ego gets stroked, and I'm like, see, I know I'm getting old. I know I'm over the hill. I know like I'm fading from people's memory. But I still got it, Like I'm still like a person out there in the world. And what happens is six months later, I end up in some god forsaking part of the world and the US or Canada or wherever am I be going? What am I doing here? Who's responsible for me giving this talk? And I'm like, I am, I said, yes, this it's my fault. So here's how I work it for my speeching and people can figure out their own kind of version of this for whatever shows up for them. But I have five plus one criteria for my speaking and the rule is if they tick two of the boxes, I'll have a conversation with them. So the five criteria is they will pay my full fee. Now I live in Canada and so the speaking fees in the North America are ridiculously aret. I've tried to price myself out of the market, so most people don't want to pay the money because I'm like, my rack rate for a speech is fifty thousand dollars, which is believe me, I know how stupid that is. And when people go that's a ridiculous amount of money, and I'm like, it is, you should find somebody else. But so this is me kind of building infrastructure to make create kind of resistance to people wanting to even ask me in the first place. But anyway, my five crade here pay my full fee. It's a friend who's asking me. It's a cool organization. It's in a cool location, it's more than a thousand people in the audience. And if they're like, we've got two out of five for you here, then I'll be like, Okay, let me find out more about it. Let me find out what's going on. So if I have a friend calling up and going, hey, Michael, mate, come and speak on the Gold Coast, I'm like, but I've got no money, I'm like, okay, maybe. Or if it's you know, some cool organization, let's say Apple Say, and they're like, hey, come and speak. We can't afford to pay you very much. And it's it's in a terrible, terrible part of the country. It's in Alaska in the middle of winter. But we're going to have two thousand people there. I'm like, okay, well that's two out of five of my criteria. So I'll have a conversation with them and I'll see how it goes.

I start by saying is just one of those skills that a little bit like gratitude, turns out to be a silver bullet or as close to a silver bullet to happiness as you can get, even though silver bullet's a terrible metaphor, so let's call it a warm, gentle hug towards happiness. Which is this gift of being able to say no. And I mean, I'll tell you I am not particularly good at it, and I like unhappy people, I like pleasing people. I'm the oldest child, so I've got a strong sense of responsibility and show up and do the thing. But at the heart of understanding no is a commitment to what you're saying yes to, So saying no is not just a look I'm just being obstinate or selfish. It's I've got an idea of really what matters, and my yes is meaningless unless my no has some weight. And I'm going to just take a rough guess here that there's not a single person listening to this podcast or a single person participating in this podcast. So that's you and me, Amantha, who's going The problem with my life is I just don't have enough stuff in it. The problem with my life is it's just not crowded enough. Like everybody's got too much on the yes's and so every time we make a commitment without a no, we're pouring water into a full glass and all you're doing is getting the floor wet, and you're not really getting committed to the big thing. So I've done a few things to try and build my capacity for saying no, and a lot of it is structural stuff. So it's actually not building my capacity for saying no, it's building an infrastructure around me that allows me to say no when there's parts of my body screaming to say yes. So I'll give you an example. One of the things that's really helpful is just to know that, look, I don't have to say yes right away. And in fact, one of the core things I keep trying to tell myself is, Michael, slow down the rush to yes. Every yes is precious. Your default should be no. Your default shouldn't be yes. You're default should be no. So slow down the rush to yes. So just you know, in some ways this it's just being a little bit more mindful about what are you committing to and how quickly. What helps me do that is to have criteria about what I'm saying yes to. And you know it's you won't have criteria for everything in your life that you're saying yes to. But as an example, I get asked to come and give keynote speeches on a regular basis, and every time I get a little inquiry, one part of my fragile male ego gets stroked, and I'm like, see, I know I'm getting old. I know I'm over the hill. I know like I'm fading from people's memory. But I still got it, Like I'm still like a person out there in the world. And what happens is six months later, I end up in some god forsaking part of the world and the US or Canada or wherever am I be going? What am I doing here? Who's responsible for me giving this talk? And I'm like, I am, I said, yes, this it's my fault. So here's how I work it for my speeching and people can figure out their own kind of version of this for whatever shows up for them. But I have five plus one criteria for my speaking and the rule is if they tick two of the boxes, I'll have a conversation with them. So the five criteria is they will pay my full fee. Now I live in Canada and so the speaking fees in the North America are ridiculously aret. I've tried to price myself out of the market, so most people don't want to pay the money because I'm like, my rack rate for a speech is fifty thousand dollars, which is believe me, I know how stupid that is. And when people go that's a ridiculous amount of money, and I'm like, it is, you should find somebody else. But so this is me kind of building infrastructure to make create kind of resistance to people wanting to even ask me in the first place. But anyway, my five crade here pay my full fee. It's a friend who's asking me. It's a cool organization. It's in a cool location, it's more than a thousand people in the audience. And if they're like, we've got two out of five for you here, then I'll be like, Okay, let me find out more about it. Let me find out what's going on. So if I have a friend calling up and going, hey, Michael, mate, come and speak on the Gold Coast, I'm like, but I've got no money, I'm like, okay, maybe. Or if it's you know, some cool organization, let's say Apple Say, and they're like, hey, come and speak. We can't afford to pay you very much. And it's it's in a terrible, terrible part of the country. It's in Alaska in the middle of winter. But we're going to have two thousand people there. I'm like, okay, well that's two out of five of my criteria. So I'll have a conversation with them and I'll see how it goes.

So can I ask, because I love that criteria and as someone who does speaking and has to say no for various reasons to quite a lot of speaking gigs, how do you get to that criteria? What was your process?

So can I ask, because I love that criteria and as someone who does speaking and has to say no for various reasons to quite a lot of speaking gigs, how do you get to that criteria? What was your process?

I noticed all the things that made me sad when I was giving a talk somewhere where I was like, what am I doing? This is a terrible, terrible decision. I was like, I don't want to be in this place. I don't want to be in front of this audience. I conned myself that this would be useful in some way. And so the plus one criteria is this. I go, if this was tomorrow, would I be happy about it? And that's a super useful criteria for me, because present day Michael sells future day Michael down the river time and time again. Future day Michael now looks back at past Michael and go, you are an a hole man? What do you do sending me to this place? This is a nightmare. So I try and bring future Michael and present day Michael really close together, and I go, if this was tomorrow, will I be up for it? And if I'm like, oh, I can just feel in my bones and I probably would be less excited than I would, then I'd that I'm playing with other criteria, which is for this year, I'm going I want to do ten in real life speaking gigs this year, so I've only got ten to spend. You know what am I doing? I'm speaking to a friend of mine. Mike mcallowitz the other day. He has a rule that he has twenty glasses of wine to spend in a year, so he's like, I'm not going to be drinking crappy wine, and I'm probably going to be drinking good wine with my wife, who's my favorite person in the world. So when I'm out with Mike and I'm like, Mike, let's have a cocktail, He's like, sorry, Matte, Like, you're a good guy, but I'm not spending one of my twenty glasses of wine with you because I've got other places i want to spend that. And all of this I think about understanding the opportunity cost and understanding there's a limit to it, and setting these kind of criteria. You're gaming yourself in just making it easier to say no. And when you say no, you create space and capacity for the stuff that you really want to say yes to. Now, if you're me and Mantha, what that does is to create a certain amount of anxiety. Like this month, I sat down with my fancy journal and I did a kind of what's coming up in the month ahead, and I'm like, oh, I've got a pretty open month. Like it I don't have a single client engagement. I've got a few podcasts that I'm recording and a few podcasts that I'm the host on and recording, and I've got other commitments. But relatively speaking, I've got one small piece of travel, which is an award ceremony I'm going to. And part of me is like, this is exactly what I've been planning. And there's one part of me that goes my gorsh this is it. This is the start of something terrible. This is the apocalypse happening. See, you're sliding even further into irrelevance. So part of it is also some deeper work, which is around understanding a deeper reason why you might be saying yes, which is to feel important, to feel filled up, to feel over committed, to feel busy, and knowing that for some of us anyway, and for me, there's a degree of work I need to be doing to go. I actually got to get used to building a life which is less crowded.

I noticed all the things that made me sad when I was giving a talk somewhere where I was like, what am I doing? This is a terrible, terrible decision. I was like, I don't want to be in this place. I don't want to be in front of this audience. I conned myself that this would be useful in some way. And so the plus one criteria is this. I go, if this was tomorrow, would I be happy about it? And that's a super useful criteria for me, because present day Michael sells future day Michael down the river time and time again. Future day Michael now looks back at past Michael and go, you are an a hole man? What do you do sending me to this place? This is a nightmare. So I try and bring future Michael and present day Michael really close together, and I go, if this was tomorrow, will I be up for it? And if I'm like, oh, I can just feel in my bones and I probably would be less excited than I would, then I'd that I'm playing with other criteria, which is for this year, I'm going I want to do ten in real life speaking gigs this year, so I've only got ten to spend. You know what am I doing? I'm speaking to a friend of mine. Mike mcallowitz the other day. He has a rule that he has twenty glasses of wine to spend in a year, so he's like, I'm not going to be drinking crappy wine, and I'm probably going to be drinking good wine with my wife, who's my favorite person in the world. So when I'm out with Mike and I'm like, Mike, let's have a cocktail, He's like, sorry, Matte, Like, you're a good guy, but I'm not spending one of my twenty glasses of wine with you because I've got other places i want to spend that. And all of this I think about understanding the opportunity cost and understanding there's a limit to it, and setting these kind of criteria. You're gaming yourself in just making it easier to say no. And when you say no, you create space and capacity for the stuff that you really want to say yes to. Now, if you're me and Mantha, what that does is to create a certain amount of anxiety. Like this month, I sat down with my fancy journal and I did a kind of what's coming up in the month ahead, and I'm like, oh, I've got a pretty open month. Like it I don't have a single client engagement. I've got a few podcasts that I'm recording and a few podcasts that I'm the host on and recording, and I've got other commitments. But relatively speaking, I've got one small piece of travel, which is an award ceremony I'm going to. And part of me is like, this is exactly what I've been planning. And there's one part of me that goes my gorsh this is it. This is the start of something terrible. This is the apocalypse happening. See, you're sliding even further into irrelevance. So part of it is also some deeper work, which is around understanding a deeper reason why you might be saying yes, which is to feel important, to feel filled up, to feel over committed, to feel busy, and knowing that for some of us anyway, and for me, there's a degree of work I need to be doing to go. I actually got to get used to building a life which is less crowded.

Now, Michael, you mentioned journaling, and I have heard you say that you hate journaling. Can you tell me about that and what has changed?

Now, Michael, you mentioned journaling, and I have heard you say that you hate journaling. Can you tell me about that and what has changed?

Well, it's more to say that I have failed to successfully journal since I was sixteen, so I'm now fifty seven. So I've been attempting to journal for as I used to try and do it in high school. And when I look back there, I'm like, I've got things like bus tickets stapared into it. It's such a teenage boys journal because there's absolutely no self reflection, there's no sense of emotionalness. It's purely a kind of did this did that sort of criteria, and not even interesting things. And I've tried most of the journaling formats because there is something about creating a space where you stop and you reflect and you're able to kind of be provoked and think about the day. And I found two types of journals didn't work for me. One is the kind of artist's way just free float and just write whatever comes into your head. That's just a bit too loose for me. Equally, there's a type of journal which is more of a planet thing, which is like, okay, right down the day, to write down your seventeen commitments, write down your phone callse write down your vision, write down your three values right down. First of all, I don't have time for this, and secondly, it's too structured. I've got a freedom driver that just makes me want to rebel against things like that. So I have been looking for a journal that allows me to make progress on the stuff I need to do day to day. So it makes me present and makes me focus for the day ahead, but also provokes me to learn and to grow and become a wiser, smarter person. So this is what people like me do. I created my own journal, so I wort something called that do something that matters journal, which is so nicely send me up. You're holding it up from the screen, and I've got mine in front of me as well, and I find this one works for me. It's it's three questions in the morning to check in and one question in the evening or for the next morning if you want to do that. So that's your kind of daily movement, making progress, you know the progress principal by Teresa and Marble, which is like people find meaning if they make small, regular progress and stuff that matters to them. And then kind of start of the week, end of the week, middle of the week, there are more kind of provocative questions to help you stop and lift your eyes up off the page and reflect on who you are and what's going on. To enable kind of growth. So it's not just about the grind, nor is it just about the deep self reflection. But it's a kind of combination of the two.

Well, it's more to say that I have failed to successfully journal since I was sixteen, so I'm now fifty seven. So I've been attempting to journal for as I used to try and do it in high school. And when I look back there, I'm like, I've got things like bus tickets stapared into it. It's such a teenage boys journal because there's absolutely no self reflection, there's no sense of emotionalness. It's purely a kind of did this did that sort of criteria, and not even interesting things. And I've tried most of the journaling formats because there is something about creating a space where you stop and you reflect and you're able to kind of be provoked and think about the day. And I found two types of journals didn't work for me. One is the kind of artist's way just free float and just write whatever comes into your head. That's just a bit too loose for me. Equally, there's a type of journal which is more of a planet thing, which is like, okay, right down the day, to write down your seventeen commitments, write down your phone callse write down your vision, write down your three values right down. First of all, I don't have time for this, and secondly, it's too structured. I've got a freedom driver that just makes me want to rebel against things like that. So I have been looking for a journal that allows me to make progress on the stuff I need to do day to day. So it makes me present and makes me focus for the day ahead, but also provokes me to learn and to grow and become a wiser, smarter person. So this is what people like me do. I created my own journal, so I wort something called that do something that matters journal, which is so nicely send me up. You're holding it up from the screen, and I've got mine in front of me as well, and I find this one works for me. It's it's three questions in the morning to check in and one question in the evening or for the next morning if you want to do that. So that's your kind of daily movement, making progress, you know the progress principal by Teresa and Marble, which is like people find meaning if they make small, regular progress and stuff that matters to them. And then kind of start of the week, end of the week, middle of the week, there are more kind of provocative questions to help you stop and lift your eyes up off the page and reflect on who you are and what's going on. To enable kind of growth. So it's not just about the grind, nor is it just about the deep self reflection. But it's a kind of combination of the two.

I would love you to talk about some of the questions that each shows for the journal.

I would love you to talk about some of the questions that each shows for the journal.

I love questions. I love them. I mean, if I'm known for anything, it's the coaching. Have a book which is like kind of my curated seven best coaching questions, and you know earlier versions of that book. I tempted one version of that book, which is here in My Favorite one hundred and thirty two Questions. It was a terrible book. It was so bad. I was like, oh my god, this is unbearable and unreadable. It's purgent. But I do keep my ear to the ground and collect great questions. And so the three Morning questions. And I'm really happy to give this because you don't I mean, I'd like to love you to buy a journal, but you don't have to. You can just kind of use these questions and buy a blank journal and just use them yourself. The first three questions are, first of all, what do I notice? And I asked that question, Amantha, because I am a heady sort of guy, and I'm often kind of a bit into the future and a bit distracted, and what do I notice is a way for me to try and be present. What's going on in my head, what's going on in my heart, what's going on in my ass, what am I siteting out of the window in front of me, what am I feeling? It's a kind of a call to be present to the inner and the outer way that's there right in front of me. The second question is what do I want? Now? Deep cut fans will know that what do I want is one of the questions from the coaching habit, And actually I've always when I've been teaching the coaching habit, I've always said, this is the hardest question. It is a hard question. But I heard somebody say, if you just ask yourself what do I want? Day in and day out, it just starts forcing a deep clarity about what you're missing, what you're sad about, what you're longing for, what's not working, what's calling you. And when we're talking about what you want to say yes to, if it stems from this deep awareness of what do I want, that then makes the how to say no, for instance, a little easier. And then The third question for the start of the day is what's the one thing today? And this question works for me because, again getting back to our previous conversation, I love to be over committed. I love a to do list that stretches to the near horizon and is all read because I'm like eight and a half years behind in my to do list, and so I'm like, I'm going to remember what's the most important thing today to do so that I don't go, look, I was busy today and I did ninety eight things. I can say I did the thing today that moved the project forward that matters most to me, to make sure that that worked because I made that choice. So it's a reminder of focus on the important stuff. I read recently, I think probably Oliver Berkman said you should consider your to do list more like a menu than a obligation. And I'm like, oh, that's so good, because I create a what's that jacket that ties you up? You know jacket, a straight jacket. My to do list can be a straight jacket, and what's the one thing today can be a bit of a release from that. And then the final question, which I tend to answer the next morning, but some people answer at the end of the day comes from Austin Kleon who introduced it to me, and it's what's the best thing that happened today? And it's a gratitude question really in disguise, because it forces you to go, well, what am I remembering and celebrating and happy about from the day? And it's not what did you do or what did you crush? Or what boxes did you tick? Not every day is about productivity. Some days, I like the best thing about today was gazing out my window and noticing that spring is just whispering and arrival here in Toronto because we've been digging out snow for months now or whatever it might be. And for me, as somebody who is perpetually charging into the future and not that good at kind of being delighted about the present, it keeps bringing me back to the present and being grateful and kind of actually, as I get into my journals building up a record of all the good things in my.

I love questions. I love them. I mean, if I'm known for anything, it's the coaching. Have a book which is like kind of my curated seven best coaching questions, and you know earlier versions of that book. I tempted one version of that book, which is here in My Favorite one hundred and thirty two Questions. It was a terrible book. It was so bad. I was like, oh my god, this is unbearable and unreadable. It's purgent. But I do keep my ear to the ground and collect great questions. And so the three Morning questions. And I'm really happy to give this because you don't I mean, I'd like to love you to buy a journal, but you don't have to. You can just kind of use these questions and buy a blank journal and just use them yourself. The first three questions are, first of all, what do I notice? And I asked that question, Amantha, because I am a heady sort of guy, and I'm often kind of a bit into the future and a bit distracted, and what do I notice is a way for me to try and be present. What's going on in my head, what's going on in my heart, what's going on in my ass, what am I siteting out of the window in front of me, what am I feeling? It's a kind of a call to be present to the inner and the outer way that's there right in front of me. The second question is what do I want? Now? Deep cut fans will know that what do I want is one of the questions from the coaching habit, And actually I've always when I've been teaching the coaching habit, I've always said, this is the hardest question. It is a hard question. But I heard somebody say, if you just ask yourself what do I want? Day in and day out, it just starts forcing a deep clarity about what you're missing, what you're sad about, what you're longing for, what's not working, what's calling you. And when we're talking about what you want to say yes to, if it stems from this deep awareness of what do I want, that then makes the how to say no, for instance, a little easier. And then The third question for the start of the day is what's the one thing today? And this question works for me because, again getting back to our previous conversation, I love to be over committed. I love a to do list that stretches to the near horizon and is all read because I'm like eight and a half years behind in my to do list, and so I'm like, I'm going to remember what's the most important thing today to do so that I don't go, look, I was busy today and I did ninety eight things. I can say I did the thing today that moved the project forward that matters most to me, to make sure that that worked because I made that choice. So it's a reminder of focus on the important stuff. I read recently, I think probably Oliver Berkman said you should consider your to do list more like a menu than a obligation. And I'm like, oh, that's so good, because I create a what's that jacket that ties you up? You know jacket, a straight jacket. My to do list can be a straight jacket, and what's the one thing today can be a bit of a release from that. And then the final question, which I tend to answer the next morning, but some people answer at the end of the day comes from Austin Kleon who introduced it to me, and it's what's the best thing that happened today? And it's a gratitude question really in disguise, because it forces you to go, well, what am I remembering and celebrating and happy about from the day? And it's not what did you do or what did you crush? Or what boxes did you tick? Not every day is about productivity. Some days, I like the best thing about today was gazing out my window and noticing that spring is just whispering and arrival here in Toronto because we've been digging out snow for months now or whatever it might be. And for me, as somebody who is perpetually charging into the future and not that good at kind of being delighted about the present, it keeps bringing me back to the present and being grateful and kind of actually, as I get into my journals building up a record of all the good things in my.

Life, I was going to ask, do you look back on your journal? Is that part of your ritual as well?

Life, I was going to ask, do you look back on your journal? Is that part of your ritual as well?

It's not so much, that's just not part of what nourishes me. And looking back, I've too many things calling me forward in the future that make it that meant that hard. But even just this recognition of in this moment, this was what was good about the day. And it's true that occasionally I'll look slightly back in the journal if I'm kind of like this morning, for instance, it's Monday, the third of March here in Canada. I spent like an hour reflecting on what I'm thinking about the month ahead, and in part that was looking back over February and going, what do I notice from February? What happened? What am I celebrating. So there's a little bit of that look back that happens there, but it's not a kind of regular thing. Some people love to kind of like dig deep into their journals and flick through them, and that's not for me.

It's not so much, that's just not part of what nourishes me. And looking back, I've too many things calling me forward in the future that make it that meant that hard. But even just this recognition of in this moment, this was what was good about the day. And it's true that occasionally I'll look slightly back in the journal if I'm kind of like this morning, for instance, it's Monday, the third of March here in Canada. I spent like an hour reflecting on what I'm thinking about the month ahead, and in part that was looking back over February and going, what do I notice from February? What happened? What am I celebrating. So there's a little bit of that look back that happens there, but it's not a kind of regular thing. Some people love to kind of like dig deep into their journals and flick through them, and that's not for me.

What it reminds me of is so my partner is a very consistent You've probably seen that one sentence a day journal where you write a few sentences over five years and then every year is a different row. If you like, I love that.

What it reminds me of is so my partner is a very consistent You've probably seen that one sentence a day journal where you write a few sentences over five years and then every year is a different row. If you like, I love that.

It's so clever. It's such a clever construction.

It's so clever. It's such a clever construction.

It is, isn't it. So I got us both one about nearly two years ago, now I have written about fifteen entries. He has written several hundred, and what's truly great. He's a very generous journaler in that he'll often talk about what's happened in both our days. He'll be like, I did this, and here are the key beats to the day, and then A did blah blah blah. That it was funny. We were looking back on it last night, and I was in such a low point for work, and I remember just viscerally how that felt, just with even one or two sentences he read out, and there was something quite joyous in going, wow, I've done a one eighty. I feel completely different. And so I understand and like that. Some people don't like looking back, but I personally found that so useful, just for that sense of progress over the year.

It is, isn't it. So I got us both one about nearly two years ago, now I have written about fifteen entries. He has written several hundred, and what's truly great. He's a very generous journaler in that he'll often talk about what's happened in both our days. He'll be like, I did this, and here are the key beats to the day, and then A did blah blah blah. That it was funny. We were looking back on it last night, and I was in such a low point for work, and I remember just viscerally how that felt, just with even one or two sentences he read out, and there was something quite joyous in going, wow, I've done a one eighty. I feel completely different. And so I understand and like that. Some people don't like looking back, but I personally found that so useful, just for that sense of progress over the year.

That's so good. I can absolutely see how that would be great, because I think it's true that we tend to homogenize our past, kind of blend it all into going, oh no, it was all seven out of ten, And in fact, there's ups and downs, and you'll forget those unless you have an opportunity to reflect like that.

That's so good. I can absolutely see how that would be great, because I think it's true that we tend to homogenize our past, kind of blend it all into going, oh no, it was all seven out of ten, And in fact, there's ups and downs, and you'll forget those unless you have an opportunity to reflect like that.

That's so true. It's like some of the details that were written there, even about Frankie, my daughter. I'm like, that day just would have disappeared from my mind. How do we not captured that one sentence that summed up that day beautifully?

That's so true. It's like some of the details that were written there, even about Frankie, my daughter. I'm like, that day just would have disappeared from my mind. How do we not captured that one sentence that summed up that day beautifully?

Clearly? The journal to buy here is the one LA Day five year journal. But if you're also like a second journal in your life, you can consider. But I mean I know that because when I was writing this journal, I just bought all sorts of journals to coming on what do I like and what do people doing? And I think that is one of the really good ones.

Clearly? The journal to buy here is the one LA Day five year journal. But if you're also like a second journal in your life, you can consider. But I mean I know that because when I was writing this journal, I just bought all sorts of journals to coming on what do I like and what do people doing? And I think that is one of the really good ones.

We will be back with Michael soon, and when we return, he'll be sharing his Monday morning journaling ritual, why he rejects the popular word of the year approach for something far more effective, and the monthly reflection practice that keeps his work and life aligned while preventing burnout. If you're looking for more tips to improve the way you work can live, I write a short weekly newsletter that contains tactics I've discovered that have helped me personally. You can sign up for that at Amantha dot com. That's Amantha dot com. I really like how you talk about weekly and monthly rituals for journaling. And I might add that one sentence a day one does not include that, so definitely don't get that one. But I would like to talk about what you do at the beginning of the week and what you do at the beginning of the month that is different. So let's start with a weekly focus. And indeed, it even says weekly focus in your journal, tell me what you do differently at the beginning of the week.

We will be back with Michael soon, and when we return, he'll be sharing his Monday morning journaling ritual, why he rejects the popular word of the year approach for something far more effective, and the monthly reflection practice that keeps his work and life aligned while preventing burnout. If you're looking for more tips to improve the way you work can live, I write a short weekly newsletter that contains tactics I've discovered that have helped me personally. You can sign up for that at Amantha dot com. That's Amantha dot com. I really like how you talk about weekly and monthly rituals for journaling. And I might add that one sentence a day one does not include that, so definitely don't get that one. But I would like to talk about what you do at the beginning of the week and what you do at the beginning of the month that is different. So let's start with a weekly focus. And indeed, it even says weekly focus in your journal, tell me what you do differently at the beginning of the week.

I've tried to build in cycles into the journal, so different rhythms that kind of ebb and flow through it. So you've got your daily like Monday through Friday. Basically you've got these four questions that you used to check in with at the start of each week. There's a little section for you, like your weekly focus, and it's just useful to look out ahead and go, well, what's their week ahead look like, and what's beckoning and what's calling me and what I need to know about that. And the other thing that I invite people to do is at the start of the week to go deep on a question. So for instance, I, you know, I was writing my journal this morning and it's like the go deep question, and there's sixteen weeks in the journal, so there's sixteen different questions to provoke you around this, and the question I answered is what are you loyal to? So this is what keeps you there even when the sensible thing is to leave. Loyalty can be what's required. Loyalty can also mean sticking around too long. What's your deep commitment? So you know, here's what I wrote email boo, because I'm like, I am trying with my assistant to extract me from email, and I'm finding it very hard to let go of that. Been too busy and overwhelmed, and I'm committed to avoiding the hard things. So this is like, obviously I've been I was fueled up on an espresso, so I was trying to go deep on myself, which is like, where is my loyalty? Which is part of how I show up in the world. I'm a good loyal person. I'm paying a price for that, and I could have, you know, depending on the day, I could have gone somewhere else entirely, which is like, I've got a loyalty to my fifteen closest friend because I'm the one who will ring them up and chat with them and have those conversations. But for me to this morning, it was really helpful, just to go I've got a deep commitment to avoiding some stuff or sticking with stuff that feels too comfortable for me. That's a helpful thing. And every sort of every week there's a kind of new question to provoke you to go a little deep and kind of shake you up a little bit. And then the journal is also designed on a six week cycle, which is something I stole from kind of lean production. And the guys at thirty seven Signal they're the ones who wrote Rework.

I've tried to build in cycles into the journal, so different rhythms that kind of ebb and flow through it. So you've got your daily like Monday through Friday. Basically you've got these four questions that you used to check in with at the start of each week. There's a little section for you, like your weekly focus, and it's just useful to look out ahead and go, well, what's their week ahead look like, and what's beckoning and what's calling me and what I need to know about that. And the other thing that I invite people to do is at the start of the week to go deep on a question. So for instance, I, you know, I was writing my journal this morning and it's like the go deep question, and there's sixteen weeks in the journal, so there's sixteen different questions to provoke you around this, and the question I answered is what are you loyal to? So this is what keeps you there even when the sensible thing is to leave. Loyalty can be what's required. Loyalty can also mean sticking around too long. What's your deep commitment? So you know, here's what I wrote email boo, because I'm like, I am trying with my assistant to extract me from email, and I'm finding it very hard to let go of that. Been too busy and overwhelmed, and I'm committed to avoiding the hard things. So this is like, obviously I've been I was fueled up on an espresso, so I was trying to go deep on myself, which is like, where is my loyalty? Which is part of how I show up in the world. I'm a good loyal person. I'm paying a price for that, and I could have, you know, depending on the day, I could have gone somewhere else entirely, which is like, I've got a loyalty to my fifteen closest friend because I'm the one who will ring them up and chat with them and have those conversations. But for me to this morning, it was really helpful, just to go I've got a deep commitment to avoiding some stuff or sticking with stuff that feels too comfortable for me. That's a helpful thing. And every sort of every week there's a kind of new question to provoke you to go a little deep and kind of shake you up a little bit. And then the journal is also designed on a six week cycle, which is something I stole from kind of lean production. And the guys at thirty seven Signal they're the ones who wrote Rework.

It's called Yeah, it doesn't have to be crazy at work or something like that.

It's called Yeah, it doesn't have to be crazy at work or something like that.

That's it. Yeah, And they have a podcast called rework as well, and so they run a sas technology company. But they've always been quite contrarian around how they work. They're like, probably most of the common sense at work is terrible, so what do we think is actually good? And the way that they produced work is they do a six week sprint and then a week or two to reset and recalibrate and figure out what's next, and then they go, right, here's what I'm working on for the next six weeks, and they work that and we've used that cycle in a membership group. We have which is people working on their big projects. We have six chapters a year, six weeks and breaks in between, so the journal reflects that, which is like, figure out what your six week goal is, what your big thing is for the six weeks, and then go for that and commit to that. So you're continually creating these layers of context for your daily check in. You've got your weekly context, you got your six week context, which helps you stay focused on what's the point of all of this? What am I actually working towards?

That's it. Yeah, And they have a podcast called rework as well, and so they run a sas technology company. But they've always been quite contrarian around how they work. They're like, probably most of the common sense at work is terrible, so what do we think is actually good? And the way that they produced work is they do a six week sprint and then a week or two to reset and recalibrate and figure out what's next, and then they go, right, here's what I'm working on for the next six weeks, and they work that and we've used that cycle in a membership group. We have which is people working on their big projects. We have six chapters a year, six weeks and breaks in between, so the journal reflects that, which is like, figure out what your six week goal is, what your big thing is for the six weeks, and then go for that and commit to that. So you're continually creating these layers of context for your daily check in. You've got your weekly context, you got your six week context, which helps you stay focused on what's the point of all of this? What am I actually working towards?

Okay, so I want to talk about your monthly ritual because you mentioned sitting down at the beginning of March and thinking about things or reflecting on things. What do you do each month?

Okay, so I want to talk about your monthly ritual because you mentioned sitting down at the beginning of March and thinking about things or reflecting on things. What do you do each month?

Well, I do a few things. I try and remind myself the rules I'm playing by, you know, things like you're doing this for the joy of the work, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You know how, at the start of the year, the bloom has gone completely off New Year's resolutions, Like everybody goes, that's uncol Now, don't make a new this resolution, You're dead. But everyone's like, I've got a word of the year. Well, I've got to I've actually got to be in my bonnet about a word of the year, because I think a single word is typically a bit too simplistic, a bit too vague, a bit too jazz handy. It's like when you go and see corporate values and they're like, here are five very banal things as corporate values, and you know what's the point of that? Honestly, some words of the year strike me like that as well. So my thing is to get two words for the year, because two is more than twice as good because when you have two words, they're in relationship with each other, and ideally your two words want to be in tension with each other, so there's a kind of push pull around that. So my two words for twenty twenty five. One is artisanal, meaning I want to create beautiful stuff, you know, the stuff that like an artist makes where you're like's there's a magic to them, and there's a there's a uniqueness and a specialness to that thing. So I want artisanal. And then the second word is ballsy, meaning I want to be brave and I want to be loud, and I want to be courageous and I want to go for it and I want to be ambitious, and I really like how those two words don't fit that neatly together. So I'm reminding myself of some of my key things and my principles around that, and then I'm reminding myself of what my key projects are, because one of the things I've learned is once I lose context, once I lose the big picture, my life deteriorates into emails and to do's, and so I keep needing to find reasons to pull myself out and surface. And hence the weekly and the monthly and the six weekly kind of cycles because they keep forcing me to hold a wider perspective, going what is going on here and what does matter to me? And what are the things I'm trying to nurture, so you know, for this year, I go look. One of my projects is Change Signal, which is a podcast news letter about change management in organizations, and the key driver for that is a beautiful podcast, a newsletter, and growing the audience for both of those things. That's one of my kind of core projects. And then another one of my projects is basically today, Amantha Mark's the ninth birthday of the Coaching Habit. It came out on the twenty ninth of February twenty sixteenth, which means in a year's time almost exactly, it'll be the tenth birthday of The Coaching Habit and we're going to put out a special edition. It's a hardback. I'm'm going to write a new chapter. We're going to do some other cool things as part of that. So part of it is around Coaching Habit ten. How do I set myself up for a really successful, fun year in twenty twenty six championing this book, which has been a kind of life changing book for me. And then one of my projects is to be in the best shape of my life. So I'm like, okay, so what does that actually mean? And so there's a bunch of things around exercise and and I have old man's knees, so trying to get my knees to work, you know, and kind of other kind of boring stuff around that. And my fourth project of four is learn to love Toronto, because I've lived here for twenty years and I've kind of fallen out of love a little bit with the place. So I need to get back into love with this place where I live. And so part of it is me going on are my key projects? And how does my month look in terms of where I'm committed to these projects or not? And what's in my calendar which isn't about those four projects? And what shall I be thinking about or doing about that?

Well, I do a few things. I try and remind myself the rules I'm playing by, you know, things like you're doing this for the joy of the work, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You know how, at the start of the year, the bloom has gone completely off New Year's resolutions, Like everybody goes, that's uncol Now, don't make a new this resolution, You're dead. But everyone's like, I've got a word of the year. Well, I've got to I've actually got to be in my bonnet about a word of the year, because I think a single word is typically a bit too simplistic, a bit too vague, a bit too jazz handy. It's like when you go and see corporate values and they're like, here are five very banal things as corporate values, and you know what's the point of that? Honestly, some words of the year strike me like that as well. So my thing is to get two words for the year, because two is more than twice as good because when you have two words, they're in relationship with each other, and ideally your two words want to be in tension with each other, so there's a kind of push pull around that. So my two words for twenty twenty five. One is artisanal, meaning I want to create beautiful stuff, you know, the stuff that like an artist makes where you're like's there's a magic to them, and there's a there's a uniqueness and a specialness to that thing. So I want artisanal. And then the second word is ballsy, meaning I want to be brave and I want to be loud, and I want to be courageous and I want to go for it and I want to be ambitious, and I really like how those two words don't fit that neatly together. So I'm reminding myself of some of my key things and my principles around that, and then I'm reminding myself of what my key projects are, because one of the things I've learned is once I lose context, once I lose the big picture, my life deteriorates into emails and to do's, and so I keep needing to find reasons to pull myself out and surface. And hence the weekly and the monthly and the six weekly kind of cycles because they keep forcing me to hold a wider perspective, going what is going on here and what does matter to me? And what are the things I'm trying to nurture, so you know, for this year, I go look. One of my projects is Change Signal, which is a podcast news letter about change management in organizations, and the key driver for that is a beautiful podcast, a newsletter, and growing the audience for both of those things. That's one of my kind of core projects. And then another one of my projects is basically today, Amantha Mark's the ninth birthday of the Coaching Habit. It came out on the twenty ninth of February twenty sixteenth, which means in a year's time almost exactly, it'll be the tenth birthday of The Coaching Habit and we're going to put out a special edition. It's a hardback. I'm'm going to write a new chapter. We're going to do some other cool things as part of that. So part of it is around Coaching Habit ten. How do I set myself up for a really successful, fun year in twenty twenty six championing this book, which has been a kind of life changing book for me. And then one of my projects is to be in the best shape of my life. So I'm like, okay, so what does that actually mean? And so there's a bunch of things around exercise and and I have old man's knees, so trying to get my knees to work, you know, and kind of other kind of boring stuff around that. And my fourth project of four is learn to love Toronto, because I've lived here for twenty years and I've kind of fallen out of love a little bit with the place. So I need to get back into love with this place where I live. And so part of it is me going on are my key projects? And how does my month look in terms of where I'm committed to these projects or not? And what's in my calendar which isn't about those four projects? And what shall I be thinking about or doing about that?

I love that?

I love that?

How long?

How long?

Like, practically speaking, do you sit down and think about these things every month?

Like, practically speaking, do you sit down and think about these things every month?

Like?

Like?

Is it just a quick half an hour? Is it a day? What does that look like?

Is it just a quick half an hour? Is it a day? What does that look like?

I have seventeen days. I spend the first seventeen days of every month just planning the No, I'm kidding. I spent an hour doing that this morning, because this is what I did this morning around that, and so I went to yoga, did a yoga class, went to my favorite coffee shop, and just spent an hour sitting and reflecting. I had my phone with me, so I was kind of looking at calendar, looking forward, looking back. I had my journal with me, So I don't spend a lot of time. I don't write a lot. I'm a fairly quick processor around some of that stuff. But an hour is enough for me to feel grounded about, Oh yeah, I know what I'm doing and I know why I'm doing it.

I have seventeen days. I spend the first seventeen days of every month just planning the No, I'm kidding. I spent an hour doing that this morning, because this is what I did this morning around that, and so I went to yoga, did a yoga class, went to my favorite coffee shop, and just spent an hour sitting and reflecting. I had my phone with me, so I was kind of looking at calendar, looking forward, looking back. I had my journal with me, So I don't spend a lot of time. I don't write a lot. I'm a fairly quick processor around some of that stuff. But an hour is enough for me to feel grounded about, Oh yeah, I know what I'm doing and I know why I'm doing it.

The final thing I wanted to ask, is you like to coincide with the launch of your journal. You put out an e book that was fifty two brilliant Questions, and I love that as a lot of questions. I would love to know one or two or three that are like your absolute favorites that you find yourself coming back to a lot.

The final thing I wanted to ask, is you like to coincide with the launch of your journal. You put out an e book that was fifty two brilliant Questions, and I love that as a lot of questions. I would love to know one or two or three that are like your absolute favorites that you find yourself coming back to a lot.

Yeah, it was such a fun exercise because I was like, I was just writing to people who I know in the coaching world and kind of be ongoing what is your best question? Why do you like it so much? And it had a real mix. Some of them are familiar ones the people have heard before, you know, things like if I had no fear, what would I do? And that can be really liberating, although I prefer a site version of that, which is, if I didn't care about the consequences, would I still do this anyway? Because I don't know how to get over fear. Like fear is just part of you know, it's part of our nervous system. So having no fear, I feel like it feels like you're lobotomized. Yeah, no fear. But if you're like I don't care about the consequences, what does that look like? Can be really powerful. One of the questions is what does it mean to be fully committed to this? And for me that's particularly powerful. But you know, I think perhaps the one that is the one that I really love is from a guy called Frankie Thoroughgood. And Frankie was this young guy in his thirties, but he had this kind of early wisdom to him. He's a seeker and he's a questioner, and he's just accumulated a kind of a grace and a presence to him which I really admire. And his was the final question in the book, and it was who do you love and who loves you? And you know, before we hit record, Amantha, you're saying last year is difficult for work, but it's fantastic on a personal level because you're getting married and you've found your person, and it is amazing what that means when you find your person, when you feel loved. You know, this year, I get to celebrate thirty years married with my wife, which is impossible because I'm still young, God damn it. But I'm like, I'm just very lucky to have somebody who I love and who loves me. And as I sometimes say about marriage, a good marriage is when you both feel that you're getting the better deal. And I definitely feel like I'm getting the better deal. So I really think we can talk about productivity and efficiency and all of this and self growth, but if you can kind of crack your heart open and love somebody and be loved, those are both learned skills. By the way, those are things you can work on to get better at. That feels like a really good question, Michael.

Yeah, it was such a fun exercise because I was like, I was just writing to people who I know in the coaching world and kind of be ongoing what is your best question? Why do you like it so much? And it had a real mix. Some of them are familiar ones the people have heard before, you know, things like if I had no fear, what would I do? And that can be really liberating, although I prefer a site version of that, which is, if I didn't care about the consequences, would I still do this anyway? Because I don't know how to get over fear. Like fear is just part of you know, it's part of our nervous system. So having no fear, I feel like it feels like you're lobotomized. Yeah, no fear. But if you're like I don't care about the consequences, what does that look like? Can be really powerful. One of the questions is what does it mean to be fully committed to this? And for me that's particularly powerful. But you know, I think perhaps the one that is the one that I really love is from a guy called Frankie Thoroughgood. And Frankie was this young guy in his thirties, but he had this kind of early wisdom to him. He's a seeker and he's a questioner, and he's just accumulated a kind of a grace and a presence to him which I really admire. And his was the final question in the book, and it was who do you love and who loves you? And you know, before we hit record, Amantha, you're saying last year is difficult for work, but it's fantastic on a personal level because you're getting married and you've found your person, and it is amazing what that means when you find your person, when you feel loved. You know, this year, I get to celebrate thirty years married with my wife, which is impossible because I'm still young, God damn it. But I'm like, I'm just very lucky to have somebody who I love and who loves me. And as I sometimes say about marriage, a good marriage is when you both feel that you're getting the better deal. And I definitely feel like I'm getting the better deal. So I really think we can talk about productivity and efficiency and all of this and self growth, but if you can kind of crack your heart open and love somebody and be loved, those are both learned skills. By the way, those are things you can work on to get better at. That feels like a really good question, Michael.

It is always such a joy to chat to you on microphone or off microphone. Thank you so much. You're always such a generous and helpful sharer. So I thank you, and I'm sure you'll be back for twenty twenty six to talk about the coaching habit. I hope.

It is always such a joy to chat to you on microphone or off microphone. Thank you so much. You're always such a generous and helpful sharer. So I thank you, and I'm sure you'll be back for twenty twenty six to talk about the coaching habit. I hope.

I hope so too, but that would be lovely. But thank you. Whether you set me up, you make me sound better than I actually am. So thank you for such a lovely conversation.

I hope so too, but that would be lovely. But thank you. Whether you set me up, you make me sound better than I actually am. So thank you for such a lovely conversation.

I hope you love this chat with Michael as much as I did, and I highly recommend his do Something that Matters journal. If you want to check this out or find out anything else about Michael, I will provide a link in the show notes. If you like today's show, make sure you get follow on your podcast app to be alerted when new episodes drop. How I Work was recorded on the traditional land of the Warringery people out of the cool And Nation

I hope you love this chat with Michael as much as I did, and I highly recommend his do Something that Matters journal. If you want to check this out or find out anything else about Michael, I will provide a link in the show notes. If you like today's show, make sure you get follow on your podcast app to be alerted when new episodes drop. How I Work was recorded on the traditional land of the Warringery people out of the cool And Nation