Around 80% of us will avoid conflict if given the chance, and Tim Duggan was firmly in that camp. 

In this episode, I sit down with Tim, author of Clear In Tension: How to Get Better at Conflict, to explore how we can all handle conflict with more skill and less dread. Tim spent 15 years running the media company Junkie Media, mediating other people’s disputes, all while dreading conflict himself.  

We walk through his five-step CLEAR framework, two listening techniques you can use in your very next tough conversation, and what the four symbols tattooed on Amanda Knox’s arm can teach us about finding common ground with anyone. We also talk about why some conflicts will never be solved, and why that is okay. 

If you have a hard conversation looming, this episode will leave you feeling calmer and far better prepared. 

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Tim and I discuss: 

• What Tim learned from becoming an accredited mediator, and why the only way to get comfortable with conflict is to practise it 

• Box breathing as a discreet way to calm your nervous system mid-argument 

• The CLEAR framework: clarify what matters, listen generously, explore what’s underneath, align on a shared direction, and reset your story 

• Mirroring and looping, two simple listening techniques that make the other person feel genuinely heard 

• The difference between positions and interests, and why uncovering someone’s hopes, fears and concerns can solve the problem 

• The four symbols Amanda Knox has tattooed on her arm as her recipe for a difficult conversation 

• Why “agree to disagree” is not a failure, and when walking away is the healthiest option 

• How to rehearse your first line before delivering bad news, a tip I used myself when I had to let people go in 2024 

• The research on conflict avoiders, the Gottmans’ ratio of positive to negative interactions, and the one word that changes the tone of any disagreement 

Key quotes 

“The best stuff happens in tension.” 
“Sometimes walking away is actually the best thing you can do.” 

Connect with Tim Duggan on Instagram, X (Twitter), and LinkedIn and his website. Check out his latest book Clear In Tension: How to Get Better at Conflict. 

More from How I Work 

If you want to get better at difficult conversations and giving hard feedback, I’ve put together a Spotify playlist of my favourite How I Work episodes on exactly that. You can listen here. 

And if this episode resonated, a great companion listen is my chat with ex-Atlassian work futurist Dom Price. We get into the two things you might be doing that make difficult conversations harder, how Dom prepares for the tough ones, and how to approach a conversation when you don’t feel safe. Listen here. 

My latest book The Energy Game is out now. You can order a copy here: https://amzn.to/48ID29M 

Connect with me on the socials: Linkedin (https://www.linkedin.com/in/amanthaimber) 

Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/amanthai) 

If you are looking for more tips to improve the way you work and live, I write a weekly newsletter where I share practical and simple to apply tips to improve your life. You can sign up for that at https://amantha.substack.com/ 

Visit https://www.amantha.com/podcast for full show notes from all episodes. 

Get in touch at amantha@inventium.com.au 

Credits: 
Host: Amantha Imber 
Sound Engineer: The Podcast Butler