This ep is all about retroactive jealousy and overthinking. What is it? Why does it happen? and what you can do to change these thoughts. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This ep is all about retroactive jealousy and overthinking. What is it? Why does it happen? and what you can do to change these thoughts. See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.

Mindset hacks for a badass life, hosted by cognitive neuroscientist Alexis Fernandez.

On Mondays my episodes are a combo of neuroscience and psychology. I deep dive into everything from habit formation and how to live a carefree life, to friendships and heartbreak. And on Fridays we've got Head Noise - where I answer your questions!

Email info@dyfmpod.com to submit your questions.

Order your copy of my latest book How to Chase Change at https://bit.ly/44xwszR

Mindset hacks for a badass life, hosted by cognitive neuroscientist Alexis Fernandez.
On Mondays my episodes are a combo of neuroscience and psychology. I deep dive into everything from habit formation and how to live a carefree life, to friendships and heartbreak. And on Fridays we've got Head Noise - where I answer your questions!
Email info@dyfmpod.com to submit your questions.
Order your copy of my latest book How to Chase Change at <a href="https://bit.ly/44xwszR">https://bit.ly/44xwszR</a>

Mindset hacks for a badass life, hosted by cognitive neuroscientist Alexis Fernandez.

Do You F*cking Mind?

109. Retroactive jealousy and overthinking

Feeling lost, stuck people-pleasing, or like you’re living the 'wrong' version of your life? In this  encore episode, I break down what your authentic self really means, the psychology of self-conflict and self-discrepancy theory, and how living authentically boosts your self-esteem, confidence and resilience.

Too much choice can leave you paralysed, and the pressure to please family, friends and society can pull you far from who you really are. This episode gives you practical mindset tools and journal prompts to reconnect with your true self.

 

Top takeaways:
What your authentic self is: knowing your values, morals and what you actually want, and why it keeps evolving
The freedom test: a simple exercise that shows whether you’re living on your own terms
Self-conflict vs self-inconsistency: why abandoning yourself to please others destroys fulfilment
Self-discrepancy theory: your actual self, ideal self and “ought” self, and how the gap between them creates anxiety
Real vs false responsibilities: how to stop carrying other people’s expectations
The research: how authenticity is linked to resilience, trauma recovery, self-esteem and lower stress, anxiety and depression
Your job is not your identity: why you don’t need to find your passion in your career
Signs of an authentic person: no comparison, no competing for validation, and being able to laugh at mistakes
Journal prompts: questions to audit where you’re people-pleasing, fitting in or being inconsistent
Dealing with judgement: how to respond when people comment on the new you

Feeling lost, stuck people-pleasing, or like you&rsquo;re living the 'wrong' version of your life? In this&nbsp; encore episode, I break down what your authentic self really means, the psychology of self-conflict and self-discrepancy theory, and how living authentically boosts your self-esteem, confidence and resilience.
Too much choice can leave you paralysed, and the pressure to please family, friends and society can pull you far from who you really are. This episode gives you practical mindset tools and journal prompts to reconnect with your true self.
&nbsp;
Top takeaways:
<ul dir="ltr">
<li>What your authentic self is: knowing your values, morals and what you actually want, and why it keeps evolving</li>
<li>The freedom test: a simple exercise that shows whether you&rsquo;re living on your own terms</li>
<li>Self-conflict vs self-inconsistency: why abandoning yourself to please others destroys fulfilment</li>
<li>Self-discrepancy theory: your actual self, ideal self and &ldquo;ought&rdquo; self, and how the gap between them creates anxiety</li>
<li>Real vs false responsibilities: how to stop carrying other people&rsquo;s expectations</li>
<li>The research: how authenticity is linked to resilience, trauma recovery, self-esteem and lower stress, anxiety and depression</li>
<li>Your job is not your identity: why you don&rsquo;t need to find your passion in your career</li>
<li>Signs of an authentic person: no comparison, no competing for validation, and being able to laugh at mistakes</li>
<li>Journal prompts: questions to audit where you&rsquo;re people-pleasing, fitting in or being inconsistent</li>
<li>Dealing with judgement: how to respond when people comment on the new you</li>
</ul>

Finding Your Authentic Self: Stop People-Pleasing & Close the Gap Between Who You Are and Who You “Should” Be (E) 

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/2fb3740d-3436-44af-8cc0-a91900716aa5/clips/f8a29b2a-d415-4680-8582-b4ea0008d400/transcript

Is fear keeping your life small? Learn the difference between good and bad fear, how to stop spiralling, and why irreversible decisions make you happier.

Key takeaways 
Good fear versus bad fear: short-term stress can improve performance. Fear, anxiety and excitement use similar brain circuitry and feel similar in the body. So you can reframe nerves as excitement, or burn off anxious energy with quick exercise. Fear becomes harmful when it’s chronic and stops you from acting.
Fears grow bigger because the brain rewrites memories each time you recall them. Each time you revisit a fear, you add emotion and context to the memory. Big life changes, like becoming a parent, can also make old fears feel bigger.
Name the fear to stop the spiral. Spiralling happens when anxious thoughts keep pulling in similar thoughts. Naming the feeling, ideally out loud, pinpointing its cause and offering yourself a more neutral counter-thought brings your prefrontal cortex back online.
Fear of being alone, disappointing your parents or being judged often keeps you stuck. Learning to enjoy your own company makes you less controlling in relationships. Your parents’ disappointment is often about the story they imagined for you, not about you. People will talk when you change, but they’ll move on quickly.
Irreversible decisions often make people happier. In the study I describe, people who couldn’t change their choice of photo print were more satisfied than those who could swap. Committing helps you go all in. Useful anchors include a non-refundable flight or a paid deposit.

Is fear keeping your life small? Learn the difference between good and bad fear, how to stop spiralling, and why irreversible decisions make you happier. Key takeaways&nbsp;
<ol dir="ltr">
<li>Good fear versus bad fear: short-term stress can improve performance. Fear, anxiety and excitement use similar brain circuitry and feel similar in the body. So you can reframe nerves as excitement, or burn off anxious energy with quick exercise. Fear becomes harmful when it&rsquo;s chronic and stops you from acting.</li>
<li>Fears grow bigger because the brain rewrites memories each time you recall them. Each time you revisit a fear, you add emotion and context to the memory. Big life changes, like becoming a parent, can also make old fears feel bigger.</li>
<li>Name the fear to stop the spiral. Spiralling happens when anxious thoughts keep pulling in similar thoughts. Naming the feeling, ideally out loud, pinpointing its cause and offering yourself a more neutral counter-thought brings your prefrontal cortex back online.</li>
<li>Fear of being alone, disappointing your parents or being judged often keeps you stuck. Learning to enjoy your own company makes you less controlling in relationships. Your parents&rsquo; disappointment is often about the story they imagined for you, not about you. People will talk when you change, but they&rsquo;ll move on quickly.</li>
<li>Irreversible decisions often make people happier. In the study I describe, people who couldn&rsquo;t change their choice of photo print were more satisfied than those who could swap. Committing helps you go all in. Useful anchors include a non-refundable flight or a paid deposit.</li>
</ol>

Fear of the Irreversible Decision: Why Committing Helps You

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/2fb3740d-3436-44af-8cc0-a91900716aa5/clips/d7eb2bba-95bd-40db-a5c5-b4e7017bf23d/transcript

Bonjour and welcome to your head noise episode! 

Today I am covering 3 questions. From overcoming the doubt that arrises in your 20s and fear of not doing enough, to dealing with pain and anxiety from past experiences and how to not relive that same pain in the future, and lastly, a listeners husband who has cheated on her on grindr. 

 

If you would like to submit your questions, email info@dyfmpod.com or go to www.dyfmpod.com to submit you voice note! 

Bonjour and welcome to your head noise episode!&nbsp; Today I am covering 3 questions. From overcoming the doubt that arrises in your 20s and fear of not doing enough, to dealing with pain and anxiety from past experiences and how to not relive that same pain in the future, and lastly, a listeners husband who has cheated on her on grindr.&nbsp;
&nbsp;
If you would like to submit your questions, email <a href="mailto:info@dyfmpod.com">info@dyfmpod.com</a> or go to <a href="https://www.dyfmpod.com">www.dyfmpod.com</a> to submit you voice note!&nbsp;

Life Advice | I caught my husband on Grindr & How to overcome FOMO and doubt in your 20s 

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/2fb3740d-3436-44af-8cc0-a91900716aa5/clips/710bfa5a-1aaf-432d-8e7d-b4e30014c99f/transcript

109. Retroactive jealousy and overthinking

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Do You F*cking Mind?

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