 

Christmas catch-ups can be joyful… and also incredibly tense when your kids start noticing that their cousins play by wildly different rules. No screen limits. Loose language. Even underage drinking.

In today’s tricky question, Justin and Kylie unpack how to protect your child’s wellbeing without blowing up family relationships — and how to help your kids navigate mixed values with confidence, clarity, and kindness.

KEY POINTS
Why “forbidden friendships” often backfire — and what to do instead.
How to set boundaries without judging extended family.
The one conversation to have before a big family catch-up.
Why your influence matters more than the cousin’s environment.
How to handle major non-negotiables (like alcohol) calmly and clearly.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Force creates resistance — but connection creates influence.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Submit your tricky question: happyfamilies.com.au
Voice notes: podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Have a pre-arming conversation. Ask what your child has noticed and how it makes them feel.
Clarify your family values without criticising others.
Set non-negotiables (e.g., alcohol, screens) with warmth + firmness.
Create positive shared experiences on your terms to keep relationships healthy.
Model compassion — kids learn more from how we speak about others than from the rules we set.

&nbsp;
Christmas catch-ups can be joyful&hellip; and also incredibly tense when your kids start noticing that their cousins play by wildly different rules. No screen limits. Loose language. Even underage drinking.
In today&rsquo;s tricky question, Justin and Kylie unpack how to protect your child&rsquo;s wellbeing without blowing up family relationships &mdash; and how to help your kids navigate mixed values with confidence, clarity, and kindness.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why &ldquo;forbidden friendships&rdquo; often backfire &mdash; and what to do instead.</li>
<li aria-level="1">How to set boundaries without judging extended family.</li>
<li aria-level="1">The one conversation to have before a big family catch-up.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why your influence matters more than the cousin&rsquo;s environment.</li>
<li aria-level="1">How to handle major non-negotiables (like alcohol) calmly and clearly.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Force creates resistance &mdash; but connection creates influence.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Submit your tricky question: happyfamilies.com.au</li>
<li aria-level="1">Voice notes: podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Have a pre-arming conversation. Ask what your child has noticed and how it makes them feel.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Clarify your family values without criticising others.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Set non-negotiables (e.g., alcohol, screens) with warmth + firmness.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Create positive shared experiences on your terms to keep relationships healthy.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Model compassion &mdash; kids learn more from how we speak about others than from the rules we set.</li>
</ol>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

When Your Kids’ Cousins Have Very Different Rules

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/2470a501-7c64-453d-8abb-b39f00aa6989/transcript

Every cry feels urgent. Every opinion feels loud. But what if responding faster isn’t always better?

New research reveals something surprising: being responsive matters—but being too responsive might actually make things harder for your baby (and you). In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down a powerful cross-cultural study that challenges popular parenting advice and explains what truly helps babies learn to calm themselves—without neglect, guilt, or extremes.

If you’ve ever felt anxious about every sound your baby makes, this episode will change how you listen.

KEY POINTS
Why faster responses don’t always mean faster soothing
What a UK–Uganda study reveals about infant self-regulation
The difference between responsiveness and over-responsiveness
How parental anxiety transfers directly to babies
Why how you respond matters as much as when you respond

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Being responsive helps babies feel safe—but being over-responsive can stop them learning how to soothe themselves.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Research published in Developmental Psychology
British Psychological Society (BPS)
10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know –by Dr Justin Coulson
HappyFamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Pause before responding—notice the level of distress
Respond quickly to real distress, not every murmur
Calm yourself first—your baby borrows your nervous system
Trust that small pauses can build self-soothing skills
Let go of “perfect” responses and aim for attuned ones

Every cry feels urgent. Every opinion feels loud. But what if responding faster isn&rsquo;t always better?
New research reveals something surprising: being responsive matters&mdash;but being too responsive might actually make things harder for your baby (and you). In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down a powerful cross-cultural study that challenges popular parenting advice and explains what truly helps babies learn to calm themselves&mdash;without neglect, guilt, or extremes.
If you&rsquo;ve ever felt anxious about every sound your baby makes, this episode will change how you listen.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why faster responses don&rsquo;t always mean faster soothing</li>
<li aria-level="1">What a UK&ndash;Uganda study reveals about infant self-regulation</li>
<li aria-level="1">The difference between responsiveness and over-responsiveness</li>
<li aria-level="1">How parental anxiety transfers directly to babies</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why how you respond matters as much as when you respond</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Being responsive helps babies feel safe&mdash;but being over-responsive can stop them learning how to soothe themselves.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Research published in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0002038">Developmental Psychology</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">British Psychological Society (BPS)</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/10-things-every-parent-needs-to-know">10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know</a> &ndash;by Dr Justin Coulson</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="HappyFamilies.com.au">HappyFamilies.com.au</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Pause before responding&mdash;notice the level of distress</li>
<li aria-level="1">Respond quickly to real distress, not every murmur</li>
<li aria-level="1">Calm yourself first&mdash;your baby borrows your nervous system</li>
<li aria-level="1">Trust that small pauses can build self-soothing skills</li>
<li aria-level="1">Let go of &ldquo;perfect&rdquo; responses and aim for&nbsp;attuned ones</li>
</ul>

What Crying Babies Actually Need from Us

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/65fb4f7e-1503-4c00-897a-b3d600ce9e03/transcript

The new social media minimum-age laws have landed — and parents are feeling everything from relief to rage. Eight weeks in, are our kids safer… or has nothing changed? In this episode, Justin Coulson unpacks what’s working, what’s failing, and the 3 essential things families must do now to navigate the digital world without losing connection.

KEY POINTS
Why the ban isn’t about cutting friendships — it’s about removing algorithmic manipulation from kids’ brains
What big tech didn’t see coming (and why they’re closing youth accounts fast)
The unexpected wins for kids: less anxiety, more freedom, real play
The losses: platform migration, VPNs, fake ages, and parent-enabled workarounds
Why this is a parent problem, not just a kid problem
The 3 actions every family needs to take now

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“We’re not banning friendships. We’re protecting kids from big tech systems designed to manipulate their brains.”

 RESOURCES
GMee Phone (parental control phone)
Rebecca Sparrow's free resource for parents: Beginner phones
Landline/feature phones as alternative communication strategies
Face-to-face play and offline gaming suggestions

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
 Have the WHY conversation — Kids don’t comply with “because I said so.” Explain algorithms, manipulation, and wellbeing.
2. Offer real alternatives — Phones without cameras, offline gaming, playdates, landlines, outdoor time.
3. Model digital discipline — If parents doom-scroll, kids will too. Show healthy device habits.

LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE IF:
You’re confused or frustrated by the social media ban
Your child is begging for social media access
You want safer digital habits without isolating kids
You want less anxiety, more connection, and more play

The new social media minimum-age laws have landed &mdash; and parents are feeling everything from relief to rage. Eight weeks in, are our kids safer&hellip; or has nothing changed? In this episode, Justin Coulson unpacks what&rsquo;s working, what&rsquo;s failing, and the 3 essential things families must do now to navigate the digital world without losing connection.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why the ban isn&rsquo;t about cutting friendships &mdash; it&rsquo;s about removing algorithmic manipulation from kids&rsquo; brains</li>
<li aria-level="1">What big tech didn&rsquo;t see coming (and why they&rsquo;re closing youth accounts fast)</li>
<li aria-level="1">The unexpected wins for kids: less anxiety, more freedom, real play</li>
<li aria-level="1">The losses: platform migration, VPNs, fake ages, and parent-enabled workarounds</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why this is a parent problem, not just a kid problem</li>
<li aria-level="1">The 3 actions every family needs to take now</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;We&rsquo;re not banning friendships. We&rsquo;re protecting kids from big tech systems designed to manipulate their brains.&rdquo;
&nbsp;RESOURCES
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://au.g-mee.com/">GMee Phone</a> (parental control phone)</li>
<li aria-level="1">Rebecca Sparrow's free resource for parents:&nbsp;<a href="https://rebeccasparrow.com/beginner-phones/">Beginner phones</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">Landline/feature phones as alternative communication strategies</li>
<li aria-level="1">Face-to-face play and offline gaming suggestions</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li> Have the WHY conversation &mdash; Kids don&rsquo;t comply with &ldquo;because I said so.&rdquo; Explain algorithms, manipulation, and wellbeing. 2. Offer real alternatives &mdash; Phones without cameras, offline gaming, playdates, landlines, outdoor time. 3. Model digital discipline &mdash; If parents doom-scroll, kids will too. Show healthy device habits.</li>
</ol>
LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE IF:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">You&rsquo;re confused or frustrated by the social media ban</li>
<li aria-level="1">Your child is begging for social media access</li>
<li aria-level="1">You want safer digital habits without isolating kids</li>
<li aria-level="1">You want less anxiety, more connection, and more play</li>
</ul>

How The Social Media Ban is Going

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/02e02092-a51f-492f-8938-b3d600ce45c0/transcript

Some lessons don’t land the first time. Or the tenth. But then—something shifts. In this episode, Justin shares a surprising win from “explicit teaching” with his kids, and Kylie opens up about kinesiology, therapy, and why the evidence doesn’t always tell the whole story.

This one hits deep for any parent who’s trying to raise values-led kids while staying connected through the teenage years.

KEY POINTS
Why teens need us in the details of their lives — even when they push back
The power of a safe third party in tough conversations (psychology vs. kinesiology)
How “explicit teaching” actually works in real families (the media/music example)
When values stick — and why discussion beats lecturing every time
The shift from compliance → identification → integration when kids choose their values

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“We don’t tell them what they have to do — we share principles, ask what they think, and keep the conversation going.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Misconnection: Why Your Teenage Daughter Hates You, Expects the World, and Needs to Talk (Justin Coulson PhD)

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Create safe third-party spaces. This could be a psychologist, mentor, aunt, uncle, or trusted adult — not always paid.
Use explicit teaching sparingly — but consistently. Small conversations over time beat one big lecture.
Ask values-based questions. Try: “What do you think this message does to you?”
Let them wrestle. Real learning happens in the tension — not in compliance.
Keep reflecting, don’t direct. Facilitate decisions instead of making them for your kids.

Some lessons don&rsquo;t land the first time. Or the tenth. But then&mdash;something shifts. In this episode, Justin shares a surprising win from &ldquo;explicit teaching&rdquo; with his kids, and Kylie opens up about kinesiology, therapy, and why the evidence doesn&rsquo;t always tell the whole story.
This one hits deep for any parent who&rsquo;s trying to raise values-led kids while staying connected through the teenage years.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why teens need us in the details of their lives &mdash; even when they push back</li>
<li aria-level="1">The power of a safe third party in tough conversations (psychology vs. kinesiology)</li>
<li aria-level="1">How &ldquo;explicit teaching&rdquo; actually works in real families (the media/music example)</li>
<li aria-level="1">When values stick &mdash; and why discussion beats lecturing every time</li>
<li aria-level="1">The shift from compliance &rarr; identification &rarr; integration when kids choose their values</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;We don&rsquo;t tell them what they have to do &mdash; we share principles, ask what they think, and keep the conversation going.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/miss-connectionhttps://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/miss-connection">Misconnection: Why Your Teenage Daughter Hates You, Expects the World, and Needs to Talk</a> (Justin Coulson PhD)</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Create safe third-party spaces. This could be a psychologist, mentor, aunt, uncle, or trusted adult &mdash; not always paid.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Use explicit teaching sparingly &mdash; but consistently. Small conversations over time beat one big lecture.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Ask values-based questions. Try: &ldquo;What do you think this message does to you?&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">Let them wrestle. Real learning happens in the tension &mdash; not in compliance.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Keep reflecting, don&rsquo;t direct. Facilitate decisions instead of making them for your kids.</li>
</ol>

When Teaching Kids “Doesn’t Work”… Until It Does

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/d5b88dda-501c-4743-84ac-b3d200b93656/transcript

When Your Kids’ Cousins Have Very Different Rules

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