What happens in the moment a child finally says something is wrong?

For many children experiencing abuse, it takes years to speak up - if they ever do. And when they finally tell someone, the response they receive can shape the rest of their healing.

In this powerful conversation, Dr Justin Coulson speaks with body-safety educator and survivor John Cardamone about what children actually need to feel safe enough to disclose abuse - and the critical mistakes adults often make in the first moments after a child tells them.

John shares his own experience of abuse as a child, the two years it took him to speak up, and the simple but life-changing framework every parent should know if a child ever confides in them.

This is a difficult topic - but one every parent needs to understand.

KEY POINTS

• Most children who experience sexual abuse know the person involved.
• Many children try to disclose through behaviour before words.
• Kids are far more likely to speak up when they feel safe, connected, and heard in everyday moments.
• The way parents respond to small problems trains children whether it’s safe to share bigger ones.
• Traditional “stranger danger” messaging can miss the reality that abuse is usually committed by someone known to the child.
• Body safety education should be ongoing, simple, and part of everyday conversation.
• A parent’s first response to a disclosure can either start the healing process or deepen the trauma.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“The way you respond to a disclosure can either start the healing process… or prolong the trauma.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Website: johncardamone.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

1. Create safety in everyday moments. How you respond to spilled milk, mistakes, or bad behaviour teaches children whether it’s safe to talk to you.
2. Talk about body safety regularly.  Make it an ongoing conversation rather than a single serious talk.
3. Focus on “strange behaviours,” not just strangers. Most abuse happens with someone the child knows.
4. If a child discloses something difficult, stay calm. Children mirror the emotional reactions of adults.
5. Follow the “BeCalmer” approach.

• Be calm
• Believe them
• Acknowledge what they said
• Validate their feelings