A viral trend called “FAFO parenting” is exploding on TikTok and even making headlines in the Wall Street Journal. Advocates say it’s the antidote to “soft” parenting — let kids fuss around and find out the hard way. But is this tough-love comeback really preparing kids for life or setting them up for harm? In this episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the hype, the dangers, and the research-backed alternative every parent needs to hear.

In this episode:
What FAFO (“Fuss Around and Find Out”) parenting actually looks like — and why it’s trending
The three big claims FAFO parents make
Why FAFO backfires
The vital difference between natural consequences and manufactured hardships
How “need-supportive parenting” builds resilience without breaking trust

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
 “Discipline isn’t about hurting kids to prove a point. It’s about problem-solving so they can discover the lesson.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Wall Street Journal article on FAFO parenting (subscription required)
Alfie Kohn, Punished by Rewards
More parenting resources: happyfamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Resist the temptation to outsource learning to punishment.
When mistakes happen, guide your child through problem-solving instead of powerplays.
Protect the parent–child relationship — resilience grows best where trust is strong.

A viral trend called &ldquo;FAFO parenting&rdquo; is exploding on TikTok and even making headlines in the&nbsp;Wall Street Journal. Advocates say it&rsquo;s the antidote to &ldquo;soft&rdquo; parenting &mdash; let kids fuss around and find out the hard way. But is this tough-love comeback really preparing kids for life or setting them up for harm? In this episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the hype, the dangers, and the research-backed alternative every parent needs to hear.
In this episode:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">What FAFO (&ldquo;Fuss Around and Find Out&rdquo;) parenting actually looks like &mdash; and why it&rsquo;s trending</li>
<li aria-level="1">The three big claims FAFO parents make</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why FAFO backfires</li>
<li aria-level="1">The vital difference between natural consequences and manufactured hardships</li>
<li aria-level="1">How &ldquo;need-supportive parenting&rdquo; builds resilience without breaking trust</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE &ldquo;Discipline isn&rsquo;t about hurting kids to prove a point. It&rsquo;s about problem-solving so they can discover the lesson.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://apple.news/AeXVDFVY5S_yUOFWbtqpHGA">Wall Street Journal article</a> on FAFO parenting (subscription required)</li>
<li aria-level="1">Alfie Kohn, Punished by Rewards</li>
<li aria-level="1">More parenting resources: <a href="happyfamilies.com.au">happyfamilies.com.au</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Resist the temptation to outsource learning to punishment.</li>
<li aria-level="1">When mistakes happen, guide your child through problem-solving instead of powerplays.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Protect the parent&ndash;child relationship &mdash; resilience grows best where trust is strong.</li>
</ol>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Is FAFO the End of Gentle Parenting or Just the Start of Bigger Problems?

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/5ef4d84f-e5e9-458e-9819-b33c00cc97cc/transcript

What if your child’s resistance isn’t laziness… but fear?

In this heartfelt Friday “I’ll Do Better Tomorrow” episode of the The Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie unpack a powerful parenting moment: an 11-year-old who didn’t want to try the 6am surf class — and the surprising truth behind her pushback.

This episode is about competence, courage, friendship, and why slowing down might be the most important thing we do for our kids (and ourselves).

If you’ve ever pushed, pulled, or panicked when your child resisted something new — this one will land.

KEY POINTS
Why “I don’t want to” often masks “What if I look dumb?”
The hidden power of friendships in building confidence
How to use a “soft entry” instead of forcing commitment
The sweet spot of growth (hello, zone of proximal development)
Why parents need protected, screen-free stillness
The family lesson we forgot after COVID

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Sometimes our kids’ trepidation is less about the activity… and more about feeling incompetent.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Justin’s books and parenting resources at happyfamilies.com.au
Research behind capability, autonomy and competence (Self-Determination Theory)

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Offer a one-time trial instead of a full commitment
Look for the fear underneath the resistance
Pair new challenges with trusted friends
Protect one quiet hour this week — no screens, no rushing
Let your child grow at the edge of their capability, not beyond it

What if your child&rsquo;s resistance isn&rsquo;t laziness&hellip; but fear?
In this heartfelt Friday &ldquo;I&rsquo;ll Do Better Tomorrow&rdquo; episode of the The Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie unpack a powerful parenting moment: an 11-year-old who didn&rsquo;t want to try the 6am surf class &mdash; and the surprising truth behind her pushback.
This episode is about competence, courage, friendship, and why slowing down might be the most important thing we do for our kids (and ourselves).
If you&rsquo;ve ever pushed, pulled, or panicked when your child resisted something new &mdash; this one will land.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t want to&rdquo; often masks &ldquo;What if I look dumb?&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">The hidden power of friendships in building confidence</li>
<li aria-level="1">How to use a &ldquo;soft entry&rdquo; instead of forcing commitment</li>
<li aria-level="1">The sweet spot of growth (hello, zone of proximal development)</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why parents need protected, screen-free stillness</li>
<li aria-level="1">The family lesson we forgot after COVID</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Sometimes our kids&rsquo; trepidation is less about the activity&hellip; and more about feeling incompetent.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Justin&rsquo;s books and parenting resources at <a href="happyfamilies.com.au">happyfamilies.com.au</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">Research behind capability, autonomy and competence (Self-Determination Theory)</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Offer a one-time trial instead of a full commitment</li>
<li aria-level="1">Look for the fear underneath the resistance</li>
<li aria-level="1">Pair new challenges with trusted friends</li>
<li aria-level="1">Protect one quiet hour this week &mdash; no screens, no rushing</li>
<li aria-level="1">Let your child grow at the edge of their capability, not beyond it</li>
</ul>

When “I Don’t Want To” Is Really “I’m Scared”

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/d5cf5262-e251-4ee3-ac6f-b3ea017e4f3e/transcript

When your child says “I can’t do this” and wants to quit right now… what do you do?

Whether it’s maths, piano, friendships, or riding a bike, kids hit the wall. They avoid. They melt down. They take their bat and ball and go home.

But what if that uncomfortable moment isn’t failure… it’s the doorway to growth?

In this episode, we unpack the powerful reframe that helps kids push through frustration, build resilience, and experience real progress — without shame, pressure, or lectures.

This one shift changes everything.

KEY POINTS
Why avoidance feels good — and why it holds kids back
The two dimensions of emotion and what they mean for learning
The “Learning Zone” reframe that transforms frustration
Why purpose matters more than pressure
The three drivers of motivation: relationships, choice, and competence
Why discomfort is often the signal that growth is about to happen
When pushing through is healthy — and when it’s not

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Discomfort isn’t the enemy. It’s the signal that growth is about to happen.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Man's Search for Meaning – Viktor Frankl

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Check relevance first – Does this challenge actually matter?
Name the Learning Zone – Help your child recognise discomfort as growth.
Strengthen connection – Struggle feels heavier when kids feel alone.
Support competence – Break tasks into smaller wins.
Focus on purpose – A strong “why” makes the “how” bearable.

When your child says &ldquo;I can&rsquo;t do this&rdquo; and wants to quit right now&hellip; what do you do?
Whether it&rsquo;s maths, piano, friendships, or riding a bike, kids hit the wall. They avoid. They melt down. They take their bat and ball and go home.
But what if that uncomfortable moment isn&rsquo;t failure&hellip; it&rsquo;s the doorway to growth?
In this episode, we unpack the powerful reframe that helps kids push through frustration, build resilience, and experience real progress &mdash; without shame, pressure, or lectures.
This one shift changes everything.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why avoidance feels good &mdash; and why it holds kids back</li>
<li aria-level="1">The two dimensions of emotion and what they mean for learning</li>
<li aria-level="1">The &ldquo;Learning Zone&rdquo; reframe that transforms frustration</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why purpose matters more than pressure</li>
<li aria-level="1">The three drivers of motivation: relationships, choice, and competence</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why discomfort is often the signal that growth is about to happen</li>
<li aria-level="1">When pushing through is healthy &mdash; and when it&rsquo;s not</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Discomfort isn&rsquo;t the enemy. It&rsquo;s the signal that growth is about to happen.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Man's Search for Meaning &ndash; Viktor Frankl</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Check relevance first &ndash; Does this challenge actually matter?</li>
<li aria-level="1">Name the Learning Zone &ndash; Help your child recognise discomfort as growth.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Strengthen connection &ndash; Struggle feels heavier when kids feel alone.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Support competence &ndash; Break tasks into smaller wins.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Focus on purpose &ndash; A strong &ldquo;why&rdquo; makes the &ldquo;how&rdquo; bearable.</li>
</ol>

The Learning Zone That Builds Unstoppable Kids

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/1d2903f0-51ef-4343-a46f-b3ea017e2962/transcript

Teenagers are riding at 70km/h with no helmets. Police are investigating. Communities are furious. Parents are terrified.

E-bikes are everywhere — and the debate is explosive. Is this about reckless teens? Bad laws? Or something far closer to home?

In this episode, Dr Justin Colson from the Happy Families podcast unpacks the real issue behind the headlines. It’s not just about e-bikes. It’s about freedom, responsibility, and the parenting conversations we’re either having… or avoiding.

Because banning them won’t fix it.
But shrugging won’t either.

If you’ve got a risk-taking teen — or one who soon will — this is a conversation you need to hear.

KEY POINTS
Freedom without responsibility becomes a free-for-all
Risk is essential for development — recklessness is not
Pedal-assist bikes and throttle bikes are not the same
Legislation won’t solve what parenting must address
Teens chase status, thrill and belonging — not danger
The real missing ingredient is consideration

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Freedom isn’t the same as a free-for-all. The real issue isn’t the e-bike — it’s whether we’re teaching our kids what freedom requires.”

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Have the deeper conversation.
Not just “be careful.” Ask: Who could you hurt? What does sharing space mean?
Differentiate risk from recklessness.
Climbing trees builds capability. Blowing through traffic signals destroys trust.
Talk about invisible impact.
Help them imagine the pedestrian, the driver, the nurse in emergency.
Channel thrill safely.
Structured sport, competitions and supervised challenges can meet the same need.
Stay connected.
Consequences matter — but relationship influence matters more.

Teenagers are riding at 70km/h with no helmets. Police are investigating. Communities are furious. Parents are terrified.
E-bikes are everywhere &mdash; and the debate is explosive. Is this about reckless teens? Bad laws? Or something far closer to home?
In this episode, Dr Justin Colson from the Happy Families podcast unpacks the real issue behind the headlines. It&rsquo;s not just about e-bikes. It&rsquo;s about freedom, responsibility, and the parenting conversations we&rsquo;re either having&hellip; or avoiding.
Because banning them won&rsquo;t fix it. But shrugging won&rsquo;t either.
If you&rsquo;ve got a risk-taking teen &mdash; or one who soon will &mdash; this is a conversation you need to hear.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Freedom without responsibility becomes a free-for-all</li>
<li aria-level="1">Risk is essential for development &mdash; recklessness is not</li>
<li aria-level="1">Pedal-assist bikes and throttle bikes are not the same</li>
<li aria-level="1">Legislation won&rsquo;t solve what parenting must address</li>
<li aria-level="1">Teens chase status, thrill and belonging &mdash; not danger</li>
<li aria-level="1">The real missing ingredient is consideration</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Freedom isn&rsquo;t the same as a free-for-all. The real issue isn&rsquo;t the e-bike &mdash; it&rsquo;s whether we&rsquo;re teaching our kids what freedom requires.&rdquo;
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Have the deeper conversation. Not just &ldquo;be careful.&rdquo; Ask: Who could you hurt? What does sharing space mean?</li>
<li aria-level="1">Differentiate risk from recklessness. Climbing trees builds capability. Blowing through traffic signals destroys trust.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Talk about invisible impact. Help them imagine the pedestrian, the driver, the nurse in emergency.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Channel thrill safely. Structured sport, competitions and supervised challenges can meet the same need.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Stay connected. Consequences matter &mdash; but relationship influence matters more.</li>
</ol>

E-Bikes: When Teenage Freedom Turns Dangerous

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/a453db71-9d4b-42f6-837e-b3ea017dfcdb/transcript

Is FAFO the End of Gentle Parenting or Just the Start of Bigger Problems?

In 1 playlist(s)

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Social links

Follow podcast

Recent clips