Do you have a child who refuses to or is unable to go to school?

Sydney mum Alice joins Justin on the Happy Families podcast today to share the day-to-day pressure of trying to help a child get to school when emotions are high and nervous systems are in fight or flight mode. 

If you are deep in the trenches of ‘school can’t’, this is a not-to-be-missed conversation, with some beautiful advice and encouragement to parents who are feeling stressed, judged, and alone in their struggle to get a child to school.

In this episode:
Emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA)
Reasons for 'school can't'
School Can't Australia (Parent/Carer Peer Support) | Facebook
Neurodivergence (Autism, ADHD)
Importance of friendships
Pressure on parents, judgement
Homeschooling
Mental health of parents
Moving schools
"Is it just me? Am I the only one who can't get their kid to go to school?"
School refusal and the Australian families gripped by blame, shame, and the fear of a lost education - ABC News

Related links:
School Refusal – Happy Families
#533 Emotion Based School Avoidance aka School Refusal – Happy Families
A Grown Up’s Guide to Worry Stacking – Happy Families
Resilience: Developing Strength, Calm, & Kindness in Our Kids – Happy Families
We Need to Talk About Parent Wellbeing – Happy Families
Moving? How to Help your Child Settle Into A New School – Happy Families

Find us on Facebook or TikTok

Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au

Find out more about joining THE QUEST at our website

Do you have a child who refuses to or is unable to go to school?
Sydney mum Alice joins Justin on the Happy Families podcast today to share the day-to-day pressure of trying to help a child get to school when emotions are high and nervous systems are in fight or flight mode. 
If you are deep in the trenches of ‘school can’t’, this is a not-to-be-missed conversation, with some beautiful advice and encouragement to parents who are feeling stressed, judged, and alone in their struggle to get a child to school.
In this episode:
<ul>
<li>Emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA)</li>
<li>Reasons for 'school can't'</li>
<li><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolphobiaschoolrefusalaustralia">School Can't Australia (Parent/Carer Peer Support) | Facebook</a></li>
<li>Neurodivergence (Autism, ADHD)</li>
<li>Importance of friendships</li>
<li>Pressure on parents, judgement</li>
<li>Homeschooling</li>
<li>Mental health of parents</li>
<li>Moving schools</li>
<li><a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamiliesau/posts/pfbid02XFbJJUAMsKq18A3ph9jBDX6qPuE2hdy8EceN7amx1c8kSTFJBKRsaffcZSaNGoJ1l">"Is it just me? Am I the only one who can't get their kid to go to school?"</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-04-29/school-refusal-cant-australia-education-four-corners/103669970">School refusal and the Australian families gripped by blame, shame, and the fear of a lost education - ABC News</a></li>
</ul>
Related links:
<ul>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/school-refusal">School Refusal – Happy Families</a></li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/podcast/episode/533-emotion-based-school-avoidance-aka-school-refusal">#533 Emotion Based School Avoidance aka School Refusal – Happy Families</a></li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/worry-stacking">A Grown Up’s Guide to Worry Stacking – Happy Families</a></li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/resilience">Resilience: Developing Strength, Calm, &amp; Kindness in Our Kids – Happy Families</a></li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/we-need-to-talk-about-parent-wellbeing">We Need to Talk About Parent Wellbeing – Happy Families</a></li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/moving-how-to-help-your-child-settle-into-a-new-school">Moving? How to Help your Child Settle Into A New School – Happy Families</a></li>
</ul>
Find us on<a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au/"> Facebook</a> or <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@happyfamiliesau">TikTok</a>
Leave a<a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/podcast"> voice memo here</a> or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au
Find out more about joining THE QUEST at <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/the-quest">our website</a>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#988 School Can't

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/36fcb4dd-4623-4765-840b-b16b00c57d5b/transcript

If the idea of playing Barbies or dragons makes you groan… you’re not alone.

In this episode, Justin and Kylie tackle a parenting confession that many are afraid to admit: “I don’t like playing with my kids.” Drawing from emotional intelligence research and real-life experience, they unpack why play matters (even if it’s not your favourite), how to make it meaningful and manageable, and why it’s one of the simplest ways to build connection, confidence, and emotional regulation in your child.

KEY POINTS
Play is not a luxury—it’s essential.
Play builds emotional intelligence, connection, and social skills better than almost anything else.
It’s not about doing it ‘right’.
Play works best when it’s spontaneous, simple, and mutually enjoyable—not when it’s forced or scripted.
The emotional impact is profound.
Play regulates emotions, reduces tension, strengthens relationships, and helps kids feel seen, heard, and valued.
The secret is in the interaction.
What makes play powerful is the back-and-forth: the jokes, the giggles, the shared creativity—not the activity itself.
A little goes a long way.
Just 5–10 minutes of intentional play can fill your child’s emotional cup and help them play independently afterwards.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Play is not about perfection—it’s about connection and presence.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Happy Families Membership – parenting tools & webinars
happyfamilies.com.au – resources for raising emotionally intelligent kids
Shift by Ethan Kross

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Find a 5–10 minute window each day
You don’t need hours. Commit to short, fully present bursts of play—no phones, no multitasking.
Gamify the mundane
Turn routines into playful challenges: “Can you hop to the bathroom on one foot?” or “Let’s race to tidy up.”
Let your child lead
Ask: “How could we make this more fun?” Give them a sense of autonomy and watch their creativity bloom.
Prioritise connection over performance
You’re not there to entertain—you’re there to engage. Drop the pressure, enjoy the moment.
Repeat. Consistency is the win.
Over time, this builds emotional strength, stronger relationships, and memories that last.

If the idea of playing Barbies or dragons makes you groan&hellip; you&rsquo;re not alone.
In this episode, Justin and Kylie tackle a parenting confession that many are afraid to admit:&nbsp;&ldquo;I don&rsquo;t like playing with my kids.&rdquo; Drawing from emotional intelligence research and real-life experience, they unpack why play matters (even if it&rsquo;s not your favourite), how to make it meaningful and manageable, and why it&rsquo;s one of the simplest ways to build connection, confidence, and emotional regulation in your child.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Play is not a luxury&mdash;it&rsquo;s essential. Play builds emotional intelligence, connection, and social skills better than almost anything else.</li>
<li aria-level="1">It&rsquo;s not about doing it &lsquo;right&rsquo;. Play works best when it&rsquo;s spontaneous, simple, and mutually enjoyable&mdash;not when it&rsquo;s forced or scripted.</li>
<li aria-level="1">The emotional impact is profound. Play regulates emotions, reduces tension, strengthens relationships, and helps kids feel seen, heard, and valued.</li>
<li aria-level="1">The secret is in the interaction. What makes play powerful is the back-and-forth: the jokes, the giggles, the shared creativity&mdash;not the activity itself.</li>
<li aria-level="1">A little goes a long way. Just 5&ndash;10 minutes of intentional play can fill your child&rsquo;s emotional cup and help them play independently afterwards.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Play is not about perfection&mdash;it&rsquo;s about connection and presence.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/membership">Happy Families Membership</a> &ndash; parenting tools &amp; webinars</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au">happyfamilies.com.au</a> &ndash; resources for raising emotionally intelligent kids</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.penguin.com.au/books/shift-9781785044618">Shift</a> by Ethan Kross</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Find a 5&ndash;10 minute window each day You don&rsquo;t need hours. Commit to short, fully present bursts of play&mdash;no phones, no multitasking.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Gamify the mundane Turn routines into playful challenges: &ldquo;Can you hop to the bathroom on one foot?&rdquo; or &ldquo;Let&rsquo;s race to tidy up.&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">Let your child lead Ask: &ldquo;How could we make this more fun?&rdquo; Give them a sense of autonomy and watch their creativity bloom.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Prioritise connection over performance You&rsquo;re not there to entertain&mdash;you&rsquo;re there to engage. Drop the pressure, enjoy the moment.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Repeat. Consistency is the win. Over time, this builds emotional strength, stronger relationships, and memories that last.</li>
</ol>

How Burnt-Out Parents Can Still Build Connection

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/91bd0ebd-160c-4b71-b671-b3b300adef4d/transcript

Are your phone habits impacting your child’s growth?
 We all know kids and screens don’t mix well—but what about parents and screens? A compelling new study has uncovered a strong link between a mother’s screen time and her child’s developmental outcomes. In this Doctor’s Desk episode, Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the latest research on "technoference" and what happens to our children when our eyes are glued to our devices. The results may just change the way you use your phone—especially around your kids.

KEY POINTS:
Study Summary: Japanese research of ~4,000 mother-child pairs found that more than one hour of screen use by mums in front of their children correlates with lower language and social development.
Two Hours or More: Greater than two hours was associated with lower global development outcomes.
Technoference: The distraction of devices interrupts “serve and return” interactions—vital for healthy child development.
Modelling Matters: Kids mimic their parents—mums who use screens more are more likely to have kids who use them too.
TV vs. Devices: Passive screen time (TV) is less harmful than interactive, overstimulating device use—but still not ideal.
Screen Time ≠ Quality Learning: Despite nostalgic memories of “learning” from Sesame Street, research shows TV is a poor teacher compared to real-world engagement.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:

"Screens are a hollow imitation of real life... real development happens in person-to-person, face-to-face interactions."

RESOURCES:
The study published in Nature Scientific Reports (March 2025)
Unplugged Parenthood: Reducing Screen Time to Strengthen Family Connections [Article]
Happy Families website: happyfamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
Be Present: Put down your phone when you're with your child—especially in those early years.
Set Boundaries: Limit both your own and your child’s screen time with simple routines (e.g., no phones at the table or during playtime).
Model Mindful Use: Show kids what healthy tech habits look like—because they’re watching.
Prioritise Engagement: Make time for face-to-face chats, shared play, and reading together—real-life interactions build real brains.
Use Screens Intentionally: If you need a break, opt for TV over devices, and choose age-appropriate, narrative-driven content.

Are your phone habits impacting your child&rsquo;s growth? We all know kids and screens don&rsquo;t mix well&mdash;but what about parents and screens? A compelling new study has uncovered a strong link between a mother&rsquo;s screen time and her child&rsquo;s developmental outcomes. In this Doctor&rsquo;s Desk episode, Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the latest research on "technoference" and what happens to our children when our eyes are glued to our devices. The results may just change the way you use your phone&mdash;especially around your kids.
KEY POINTS:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Study Summary: Japanese research of ~4,000 mother-child pairs found that more than one hour of screen use by mums in front of their children correlates with lower language and social development.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Two Hours or More: Greater than two hours was associated with lower global development outcomes.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Technoference: The distraction of devices interrupts &ldquo;serve and return&rdquo; interactions&mdash;vital for healthy child development.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Modelling Matters: Kids mimic their parents&mdash;mums who use screens more are more likely to have kids who use them too.</li>
<li aria-level="1">TV vs. Devices: Passive screen time (TV) is less harmful than interactive, overstimulating device use&mdash;but still not ideal.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Screen Time &ne; Quality Learning: Despite nostalgic memories of &ldquo;learning&rdquo; from Sesame Street, research shows TV is a poor teacher compared to real-world engagement.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
"Screens are a hollow imitation of real life... real development happens in person-to-person, face-to-face interactions."
RESOURCES:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">The study published in Nature Scientific Reports (March 2025)</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/unplugging-parenthood">Unplugged Parenthood: Reducing Screen Time to Strengthen Family Connections</a> [Article]</li>
<li aria-level="1">Happy Families website: <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au">happyfamilies.com.au</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Be Present: Put down your phone when you're with your child&mdash;especially in those early years.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Set Boundaries: Limit both your own and your child&rsquo;s screen time with simple routines (e.g., no phones at the table or during playtime).</li>
<li aria-level="1">Model Mindful Use: Show kids what healthy tech habits look like&mdash;because they&rsquo;re watching.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Prioritise Engagement: Make time for face-to-face chats, shared play, and reading together&mdash;real-life interactions build real brains.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Use Screens Intentionally: If you need a break, opt for TV over devices, and choose age-appropriate, narrative-driven content.</li>
</ol>

Mum’s Screen Time: What It’s Really Doing to Your Child’s Development

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/a95a8bcb-85a4-490a-a9f0-b3b300ad7f20/transcript

Boys take risks. They push limits. They scare us. But underneath all that danger is an ancient drive to grow up and belong. In this deeply eye-opening conversation with Dr Arne Rubinstein, we unpack why boys behave this way, the missing “rite of passage” that modern culture has abandoned, and what parents can do today to help boys become grounded, respectful, and emotionally mature young men. This episode delivers clarity, relief, and practical steps every family needs.

KEY POINTS


Boys are wired for risk — if adults don’t create safe challenges, they’ll create their own.


Cultures worldwide share four rite-of-passage elements: storytelling, challenge, visioning, and honouring.


Without that process, boys can grow into adult men with boy psychology (self-centred, entitled, emotionally volatile).


Dads, mums, and male role models each play a critical role — but the village matters for every boy.


Early parenting is crucial: strong relationships, fair boundaries, shared stories, and responsibilities build maturity.


Single mums can create support through uncles, mentors, friends, and community.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Every boy will go through a rite of passage. The question is whether he creates it himself — or whether we create something appropriate for him.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED


Dr Arne Rubinstein — Rites of Passage Institute


The Making of Men (book)


Happy Families Bringing Up Boys Summit
The Miss-Connection Summit is also available
Sign up here to be the first to news about Justin's new book 'Boys'

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS


Create 1:1 connection time — device-free and regular.


Share stories from your own adolescence — including failures and learnings.


Acknowledge strengths — notice what goes right.


Teach reflection before correction — ask what they think first.


Pair privileges with responsibility — avoid entitlement.


Build the village — involve mentors, relatives, teachers, coaches.


Separate the child from the behaviour — “I love you, but this isn’t okay.”

Boys take risks. They push limits. They scare us. But underneath all that danger is an ancient drive to grow up and belong. In this deeply eye-opening conversation with Dr Arne Rubinstein, we unpack why boys behave this way, the missing &ldquo;rite of passage&rdquo; that modern culture has abandoned, and what parents can do today to help boys become grounded, respectful, and emotionally mature young men. This episode delivers clarity, relief, and practical steps every family needs.
KEY POINTS
<ul data-start="713" data-end="1344">
<li data-start="713" data-end="806">
Boys are wired for risk &mdash; if adults don&rsquo;t create safe challenges, they&rsquo;ll create their own.
</li>
<li data-start="807" data-end="915">
Cultures worldwide share four rite-of-passage elements: storytelling, challenge, visioning, and honouring.
</li>
<li data-start="916" data-end="1038">
Without that process, boys can grow into adult men with boy psychology (self-centred, entitled, emotionally volatile).
</li>
<li data-start="1039" data-end="1140">
Dads, mums, and male role models each play a critical role &mdash; but the village matters for every boy.
</li>
<li data-start="1141" data-end="1262">
Early parenting is crucial: strong relationships, fair boundaries, shared stories, and responsibilities build maturity.
</li>
<li data-start="1263" data-end="1344">
Single mums can create support through uncles, mentors, friends, and community.
</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
<blockquote data-start="1379" data-end="1527">
&ldquo;Every boy will go through a rite of passage. The question is whether he creates it himself &mdash; or whether we create something appropriate for him.&rdquo;
</blockquote>
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul data-start="1561" data-end="1686">
<li data-start="1561" data-end="1612">
Dr Arne Rubinstein &mdash; Rites of Passage Institute
</li>
<li data-start="1613" data-end="1641">
The Making of Men (book)
</li>
<li data-start="1642" data-end="1686">
Happy Families <a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/bringing-up-boys-summit">Bringing Up Boys Summit</a>
</li>
<li data-start="1642" data-end="1686">The <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/the-miss-connection-summit">Miss-Connection Summit</a> is also available</li>
<li data-start="1642" data-end="1686">Sign up <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/boys-book-waitlist">here</a> to be the first to news about Justin's new book 'Boys'</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol data-start="1725" data-end="2214">
<li data-start="1725" data-end="1785">
Create 1:1 connection time &mdash; device-free and regular.
</li>
<li data-start="1786" data-end="1868">
Share stories from your own adolescence &mdash; including failures and learnings.
</li>
<li data-start="1869" data-end="1923">
Acknowledge strengths &mdash; notice what goes right.
</li>
<li data-start="1924" data-end="1994">
Teach reflection before correction &mdash; ask what they think first.
</li>
<li data-start="1995" data-end="2058">
Pair privileges with responsibility &mdash; avoid entitlement.
</li>
<li data-start="2059" data-end="2132">
Build the village &mdash; involve mentors, relatives, teachers, coaches.
</li>
<li data-start="2133" data-end="2214">
Separate the child from the behaviour &mdash; &ldquo;I love you, but this isn&rsquo;t okay.&rdquo;
</li>
</ol>

Bringing Up Boys with Dr Arne Rubinstein

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/d5e5b010-52ab-482d-8afa-b3b300ad594f/transcript

#988 School Can't

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