For our children, "fair" can often mean getting what they want. Understanding your child's developmental capacity and implementing these three quick ideas can help you deal with those moments when your child appears self-centred and lacking in empathy.

In this episode:
Email from Lauren about 'fairness'
Aimee's Adventures on TikTok - How I teach “fairness” to my elementary schoolers using bandaids
Moral and cognitive development
Concrete operational thinking vs formal operational thinking
Heinz dilemma - Wikipedia
Engaging children in discussions about fairness/justice/empathy
Critical thinking
Mental equivalent of the Yurchenko double pike
Developmental Milestones [Introduction] - a Happy Families article
Abundance mentality



Find us on Facebook or TikTok

Email your questions and comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au

Learn more about joining THE QUEST

For our children, "fair" can often mean getting what they want. Understanding your child's developmental capacity and implementing these three quick ideas can help you deal with those moments when your child appears self-centred and lacking in empathy.
In this episode:
<ul>
<li>Email from Lauren about 'fairness'</li>
<li>Aimee's Adventures on TikTok - <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@aimeesedventures/video/7255742714497551662">How I teach “fairness” to my elementary schoolers using bandaids</a></li>
<li>Moral and cognitive development</li>
<li>Concrete operational thinking vs formal operational thinking</li>
<li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heinz_dilemma">Heinz dilemma - Wikipedia</a></li>
<li>Engaging children in discussions about fairness/justice/empathy</li>
<li>Critical thinking</li>
<li>Mental equivalent of the Yurchenko double pike</li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/developmental-milestones-introduction">Developmental Milestones [Introduction]</a> - a Happy Families article</li>
<li>Abundance mentality</li>
</ul>
 
Find us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au/" data-cke-saved-href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au/">Facebook</a> or <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@happyfamiliesau" data-cke-saved-href="https://www.tiktok.com/@happyfamiliesau">TikTok</a>
Email your questions and comments to <a href="mailto:podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au" data-cke-saved-href="mailto:podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au">podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au</a>
Learn more about joining <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/the-quest">THE QUEST</a>
<ul></ul>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#941 When Life Isn't Fair

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/14958c90-63c8-40d1-a397-b12400c66188/transcript

Boys take risks. They push limits. They scare us. But underneath all that danger is an ancient drive to grow up and belong. In this deeply eye-opening conversation with Dr Arne Rubinstein, we unpack why boys behave this way, the missing “rite of passage” that modern culture has abandoned, and what parents can do today to help boys become grounded, respectful, and emotionally mature young men. This episode delivers clarity, relief, and practical steps every family needs.

KEY POINTS


Boys are wired for risk — if adults don’t create safe challenges, they’ll create their own.


Cultures worldwide share four rite-of-passage elements: storytelling, challenge, visioning, and honouring.


Without that process, boys can grow into adult men with boy psychology (self-centred, entitled, emotionally volatile).


Dads, mums, and male role models each play a critical role — but the village matters for every boy.


Early parenting is crucial: strong relationships, fair boundaries, shared stories, and responsibilities build maturity.


Single mums can create support through uncles, mentors, friends, and community.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Every boy will go through a rite of passage. The question is whether he creates it himself — or whether we create something appropriate for him.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED


Dr Arne Rubinstein — Rites of Passage Institute


The Making of Men (book)


Happy Families Bringing Up Boys Summit
The Miss-Connection Summit is also available
Sign up here to be the first to news about Justin's new book 'Boys'

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS


Create 1:1 connection time — device-free and regular.


Share stories from your own adolescence — including failures and learnings.


Acknowledge strengths — notice what goes right.


Teach reflection before correction — ask what they think first.


Pair privileges with responsibility — avoid entitlement.


Build the village — involve mentors, relatives, teachers, coaches.


Separate the child from the behaviour — “I love you, but this isn’t okay.”

Boys take risks. They push limits. They scare us. But underneath all that danger is an ancient drive to grow up and belong. In this deeply eye-opening conversation with Dr Arne Rubinstein, we unpack why boys behave this way, the missing &ldquo;rite of passage&rdquo; that modern culture has abandoned, and what parents can do today to help boys become grounded, respectful, and emotionally mature young men. This episode delivers clarity, relief, and practical steps every family needs.
KEY POINTS
<ul data-start="713" data-end="1344">
<li data-start="713" data-end="806">
Boys are wired for risk &mdash; if adults don&rsquo;t create safe challenges, they&rsquo;ll create their own.
</li>
<li data-start="807" data-end="915">
Cultures worldwide share four rite-of-passage elements: storytelling, challenge, visioning, and honouring.
</li>
<li data-start="916" data-end="1038">
Without that process, boys can grow into adult men with boy psychology (self-centred, entitled, emotionally volatile).
</li>
<li data-start="1039" data-end="1140">
Dads, mums, and male role models each play a critical role &mdash; but the village matters for every boy.
</li>
<li data-start="1141" data-end="1262">
Early parenting is crucial: strong relationships, fair boundaries, shared stories, and responsibilities build maturity.
</li>
<li data-start="1263" data-end="1344">
Single mums can create support through uncles, mentors, friends, and community.
</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
<blockquote data-start="1379" data-end="1527">
&ldquo;Every boy will go through a rite of passage. The question is whether he creates it himself &mdash; or whether we create something appropriate for him.&rdquo;
</blockquote>
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul data-start="1561" data-end="1686">
<li data-start="1561" data-end="1612">
Dr Arne Rubinstein &mdash; Rites of Passage Institute
</li>
<li data-start="1613" data-end="1641">
The Making of Men (book)
</li>
<li data-start="1642" data-end="1686">
Happy Families <a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/bringing-up-boys-summit">Bringing Up Boys Summit</a>
</li>
<li data-start="1642" data-end="1686">The <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/the-miss-connection-summit">Miss-Connection Summit</a> is also available</li>
<li data-start="1642" data-end="1686">Sign up <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/boys-book-waitlist">here</a> to be the first to news about Justin's new book 'Boys'</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol data-start="1725" data-end="2214">
<li data-start="1725" data-end="1785">
Create 1:1 connection time &mdash; device-free and regular.
</li>
<li data-start="1786" data-end="1868">
Share stories from your own adolescence &mdash; including failures and learnings.
</li>
<li data-start="1869" data-end="1923">
Acknowledge strengths &mdash; notice what goes right.
</li>
<li data-start="1924" data-end="1994">
Teach reflection before correction &mdash; ask what they think first.
</li>
<li data-start="1995" data-end="2058">
Pair privileges with responsibility &mdash; avoid entitlement.
</li>
<li data-start="2059" data-end="2132">
Build the village &mdash; involve mentors, relatives, teachers, coaches.
</li>
<li data-start="2133" data-end="2214">
Separate the child from the behaviour &mdash; &ldquo;I love you, but this isn&rsquo;t okay.&rdquo;
</li>
</ol>

Bringing Up Boys with Dr Arne Rubinstein

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/d5e5b010-52ab-482d-8afa-b3b300ad594f/transcript

Ever been halfway through a parenting reel thinking *“Oh wow, this is gold”… only to realise it’s actually terrible advice dressed up with pretty music and a pastel background? We’ve been there too. In today’s episode, Justin and Kylie unpack six pieces of popular parenting advice they’re choosing to ignore forever—and why you should too. From controlled crying to timeouts, “spoiling” kids with love, and the classic “just ignore the tantrum” strategy, we’re calling out the myths that sound helpful but harm connection. This episode is your permission slip to parent with heart, not hacks.

KEY POINTS:
Controlled crying is not independence training — It misunderstands attachment and ignores babies’ real needs.
Timeouts don’t teach, they isolate — Punishment in disguise erodes trust and connection.
Responsiveness isn’t spoiling — Kids thrive when we tune in, not tune out.
Ignoring tantrums doesn’t make them go away — Empathy teaches emotional regulation.
“Seen and not heard” is still hanging around (and still harmful) — Kids need space to be curious, push back respectfully, and develop their voice.
Self-soothing is a myth for little ones — Kids learn to calm down with us, not alone.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
 “Abandoning children in their most vulnerable moments teaches them nothing—except that our love is conditional.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED:
The Whole-Brain Childby Dr. Daniel Siegel
Attachment research by Dr. Allan Schore

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
Challenge bad advice — When you hear advice that feels off, trust your gut and check the research.
Choose connection over correction — When your child is distressed, meet them with empathy instead of isolation.
Be responsive, not reactive — Show up consistently so your child learns to regulate through co-regulation.
Make space for their voice — Let your kids respectfully question, push back, and express themselves.
Ditch the naughty chair — Find real discipline strategies that teach, not punish.

Ever been halfway through a parenting reel thinking *&ldquo;Oh wow, this is gold&rdquo;&hellip; only to realise it&rsquo;s actually terrible advice dressed up with pretty music and a pastel background? We&rsquo;ve been there too. In today&rsquo;s episode, Justin and Kylie unpack six pieces of popular parenting advice they&rsquo;re choosing to ignore forever&mdash;and why you should too. From controlled crying to timeouts, &ldquo;spoiling&rdquo; kids with love, and the classic&nbsp;&ldquo;just ignore the tantrum&rdquo; strategy, we&rsquo;re calling out the myths that sound helpful but harm connection. This episode is your permission slip to parent with heart, not hacks.
KEY POINTS:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Controlled crying is not independence training &mdash; It misunderstands attachment and ignores babies&rsquo; real needs.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Timeouts don&rsquo;t teach, they isolate &mdash; Punishment in disguise erodes trust and connection.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Responsiveness isn&rsquo;t spoiling &mdash; Kids thrive when we tune in, not tune out.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Ignoring tantrums doesn&rsquo;t make them go away &mdash; Empathy teaches emotional regulation.</li>
<li aria-level="1">&ldquo;Seen and not heard&rdquo; is still hanging around (and still harmful) &mdash; Kids need space to be curious, push back respectfully, and develop their voice.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Self-soothing is a myth for little ones &mdash; Kids learn to calm down with us, not alone.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: &ldquo;Abandoning children in their most vulnerable moments teaches them nothing&mdash;except that our love is conditional.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://drdansiegel.com/book/the-whole-brain-child/">The Whole-Brain Child </a>by Dr. Daniel Siegel</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.allanschore.com/pdf/SchoreAttachHumDev.pdf">Attachment research</a> by Dr. Allan Schore</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Challenge bad advice &mdash; When you hear advice that feels off, trust your gut and check the research.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Choose connection over correction &mdash; When your child is distressed, meet them with empathy instead of isolation.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Be responsive, not reactive &mdash; Show up consistently so your child learns to regulate through co-regulation.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Make space for their voice &mdash; Let your kids respectfully question, push back, and express themselves.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Ditch the naughty chair &mdash; Find real discipline strategies that teach, not punish.</li>
</ol>

The 6 Worst Parenting Tips We’re Never Taking Again

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/cec6a6fb-ed35-4c43-9996-b3b300ad3f42/transcript

Most family goals sound great… and quietly disappear by February.

In this short, honest episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson share why family goal-setting usually falls apart — and the simple shifts that actually make goals work. From kids’ fitness goals to holidays, habits, and hopes for the year ahead, this episode shows how buy-in, accountability, and involvement turn good intentions into real change.

If you want goals your kids don’t just agree to — but actually own — start here.

KEY POINTS
Why top-down family goals almost always fail
The power of bottom-up buy-in (especially with older kids)
How accountability and visible progress keep motivation alive
Why parents must support goals without becoming the “goal police”
The overlooked ingredient that makes family goals stick: involvement

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“The goals that work aren’t the ones parents announce — they’re the ones families build together.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Family meetings (What’s going well? What’s not? What should we focus on?)
Happy Families website: happyfamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Hold a short family meeting and let kids lead the goal ideas
Choose one goal that feels challenging but achievable
Set clear check-in points to notice progress
Support the system — don’t police the outcome
Get involved alongside your kids, especially when it’s hard

Most family goals sound great&hellip; and quietly disappear by February.
In this short, honest episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson share why family goal-setting usually falls apart &mdash; and the simple shifts that actually make goals work. From kids&rsquo; fitness goals to holidays, habits, and hopes for the year ahead, this episode shows how buy-in, accountability, and involvement turn good intentions into real change.
If you want goals your kids don&rsquo;t just agree to &mdash; but actually own &mdash; start here.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why top-down family goals almost always fail</li>
<li aria-level="1">The power of bottom-up buy-in (especially with older kids)</li>
<li aria-level="1">How accountability and visible progress keep motivation alive</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why parents must support goals without becoming the &ldquo;goal police&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">The overlooked ingredient that makes family goals stick: involvement</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;The goals that work aren&rsquo;t the ones parents announce &mdash; they&rsquo;re the ones families build together.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Family meetings (What&rsquo;s going well? What&rsquo;s not? What should we focus on?)</li>
<li aria-level="1">Happy Families website: happyfamilies.com.au</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Hold a short family meeting and let kids lead the goal ideas</li>
<li aria-level="1">Choose one goal that feels challenging but achievable</li>
<li aria-level="1">Set clear check-in points to notice progress</li>
<li aria-level="1">Support the system &mdash; don&rsquo;t police the outcome</li>
<li aria-level="1">Get involved alongside your kids, especially when it&rsquo;s hard</li>
</ul>

Why Most Family Goals Fail (And How to Get Yours to Stick)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/76632c4b-efec-47a9-a01f-b3b300ace9be/transcript

#941 When Life Isn't Fair

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