Professor Thomas Curran is (among many impressive titles) a 'perfectionist expert'. He unpacks the 'what, why, where, who, and how' of perfectionism in part 1 of this compelling discussion with Dr Justin Coulson. Part 2 of this conversation can be found here.

Today's conversation covers:
What is perfectionism?
The link between mental health challenges and perfectionism
Perfectionism in children - genetics or environmental?
The 3 types of perfectionism
Intergenerational transmission of perfectionistic tendencies
The challenging cycle of self-defeat
The Perfection Trap Thomas Curran's new book
TEDMED - Our dangerous obsession with perfectionism is getting worse



Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Email us your questions and comments at podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au

Professor Thomas Curran is (among many impressive titles) a 'perfectionist expert'. He unpacks the 'what, why, where, who, and how' of perfectionism in part 1 of this compelling discussion with Dr Justin Coulson. Part 2 of this conversation can be found <a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/podcast/892-the-perfection-trap-with-thomas-curran-part-2" data-cke-saved-href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/podcast/892-the-perfection-trap-with-thomas-curran-part-2">here</a>.
Today's conversation covers:
<ul>
<li>What is perfectionism?</li>
<li>The link between mental health challenges and perfectionism</li>
<li>Perfectionism in children - genetics or environmental?</li>
<li>The 3 types of perfectionism</li>
<li>Intergenerational transmission of perfectionistic tendencies</li>
<li>The challenging cycle of self-defeat</li>
<li><a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/the-perfection-trap-thomas-curran/book/9781982149536.html">The Perfection Trap</a> Thomas Curran's new book</li>
<li><a href="https://www.tedmed.com/talks/show?id=731050">TEDMED - Our dangerous obsession with perfectionism is getting worse</a></li>
</ul>
 
Find us on Facebook at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au/">Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families</a>
Email us your questions and comments at <a href="mailto:podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au">podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au</a>

Deciding which parenting advice to follow? Join the thousands of mums and dads who turn to Australia’s most downloaded parenting podcast.

Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.

From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

Deciding which parenting advice to follow?&nbsp;Join the thousands of mums and dads who turn to Australia&rsquo;s most downloaded parenting podcast.
Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.
From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#891 The Perfection Trap with Thomas Curran (Part 1)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/5d52ba46-c1e8-4dfa-9324-b0bb00561a5a/transcript

Parents have more advice, information and expert guidance than ever before. So why are so many feeling stressed, isolated and burnt out?

More than 10,000 Australian parents took part in the Parenting Today study, revealing a worrying decline in wellbeing, self-compassion and connection. Justin speaks with Derek McCormick, Director of Raising Children Network, about what's putting parents under so much pressure and whether the constant stream of parenting advice is part of the problem.

They unpack information overload, social media, AI, loneliness and the one simple shift that can help when parenting feels like too much.

KEY POINTS
What more than 10,000 Australian parents revealed about parenting today
Why having more parenting information hasn't necessarily made parenting easier
How social media and influencers can leave good parents feeling like they're getting it wrong
Why trusted information matters, but information alone isn't enough
The importance of real-world connection and peer support
Why keeping communication open with your kids matters more than pushing them to talk
How AI is changing where parents go for advice
Why self-compassion is a practical tool for overwhelmed parents

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

"Do I talk to myself the way I would talk to a good friend?"
Derek McCormick

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Raising Children Network
Parenting Today study from the Parenting Research Centre
MyTime peer support groups
Happy Families
Burnt Out webinar (included in the Happy Families membership)

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Audit where your parenting advice is coming from. Choose sources you genuinely trust.
Notice which accounts, reels or advice leave you feeling inadequate. Give yourself permission to unfollow.
Talk to yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a struggling friend.
Reach out to someone you trust instead of carrying the hard parts of parenting alone.
Focus on creating a relationship where your child feels safe bringing problems to you.

Parents have more advice, information and expert guidance than ever before. So why are so many feeling stressed, isolated and burnt out?
More than 10,000 Australian parents took part in the Parenting Today study, revealing a worrying decline in wellbeing, self-compassion and connection. Justin speaks with Derek McCormick, Director of Raising Children Network, about what's putting parents under so much pressure and whether the constant stream of parenting advice is part of the problem.
They unpack information overload, social media, AI, loneliness and the one simple shift that can help when parenting feels like too much.
KEY POINTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>What more than 10,000 Australian parents revealed about parenting today</li>
<li>Why having more parenting information hasn't necessarily made parenting easier</li>
<li>How social media and influencers can leave good parents feeling like they're getting it wrong</li>
<li>Why trusted information matters, but information alone isn't enough</li>
<li>The importance of real-world connection and peer support</li>
<li>Why keeping communication open with your kids matters more than pushing them to talk</li>
<li>How AI is changing where parents go for advice</li>
<li>Why self-compassion is a practical tool for overwhelmed parents</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
"Do I talk to myself the way I would talk to a good friend?" Derek McCormick
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul data-spread="false">
<li><a href="https://raisingchildren.net.au/">Raising Children Network</a></li>
<li><a href="https://parentingtoday.net.au/about-parenting-today/">Parenting Today study</a> from the Parenting Research Centre</li>
<li><a href="https://www.playgroupnsw.org.au/about/programs/mytime/">MyTime</a> peer support groups</li>
<li>Happy Families</li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/qwebinar-burnt-out">Burnt Out</a> webinar (included in the Happy Families membership)</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>Audit where your parenting advice is coming from. Choose sources you genuinely trust.</li>
<li>Notice which accounts, reels or advice leave you feeling inadequate. Give yourself permission to unfollow.</li>
<li>Talk to yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a struggling friend.</li>
<li>Reach out to someone you trust instead of carrying the hard parts of parenting alone.</li>
<li>Focus on creating a relationship where your child feels safe bringing problems to you.</li>
</ul>

Derek McCormack on Parental Stress and Burnout

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/d7acdc44-ba47-40ca-a804-b4b300ba71e8/transcript

Your child is standing in front of a party table loaded with cake, lollies and soft drink. Do you step in or let them go for it?

Justin and Kylie’s answer might surprise you: let the party be the party.

Research suggests that tightly restricting treats can make kids want them even more. Instead of policing every mouthful, this episode explores how parents can help kids build genuine self-control, trust around food and the ability to notice when their body has had enough.

KEY POINTS
Why restricting treats can make them more desirable
The problem with policing what kids eat at parties
Why healthy food habits are built at home, not beside the lolly table
How trust helps kids develop their own self-control
Why parents can decide what food is offered while kids decide whether and how much they eat
How to help kids recognise their body's signals
Why the best teaching moment may come after the party

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“The child who is calm around the lolly table got there by being trusted around food when it wasn't a big deal.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Fisher and Birch research on restricting children's access to palatable foods
Walter Mischel's Marshmallow Experiment and the 2018 replication study
Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility in Feeding

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Let parties be parties. One afternoon of cake and lollies isn't going to determine your child's health.
Build everyday habits at home. Offer nutritious options without turning food into a constant battle.
Take the drama out of treats. Avoid making sugary food forbidden, precious or unusually exciting.
Give your child some control. Let them practise deciding how much they want to eat.
Talk afterwards. If they come home feeling sick or uncomfortable, help them connect how they feel with what they ate rather than lecturing them at the party.
Teach body awareness. Help them notice hunger, fullness and how different foods make them feel.

Your child is standing in front of a party table loaded with cake, lollies and soft drink. Do you step in or let them go for it?
Justin and Kylie&rsquo;s answer might surprise you: let the party be the party.
Research suggests that tightly restricting treats can make kids want them even more. Instead of policing every mouthful, this episode explores how parents can help kids build genuine self-control, trust around food and the ability to notice when their body has had enough.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why restricting treats can make them more desirable</li>
<li aria-level="1">The problem with policing what kids eat at parties</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why healthy food habits are built at home, not beside the lolly table</li>
<li aria-level="1">How trust helps kids develop their own self-control</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why parents can decide what food is offered while kids decide whether and how much they eat</li>
<li aria-level="1">How to help kids recognise their body's signals</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why the best teaching moment may come after the party</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;The child who is calm around the lolly table got there by being trusted around food when it wasn't a big deal.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10357749/\">Fisher and Birch research </a>on restricting children's access to palatable foods</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.simplypsychology.org/marshmallow-test.html">Walter Mischel's Marshmallow Experiment</a> and the <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6050075/">2018 replication study</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">Ellyn Satter's <a href="https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/satter-feeding-dynamics-model/">Division of Responsibility in Feeding</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Let parties be parties. One afternoon of cake and lollies isn't going to determine your child's health.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Build everyday habits at home. Offer nutritious options without turning food into a constant battle.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Take the drama out of treats. Avoid making sugary food forbidden, precious or unusually exciting.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Give your child some control. Let them practise deciding how much they want to eat.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Talk afterwards. If they come home feeling sick or uncomfortable, help them connect how they feel with what they ate rather than lecturing them at the party.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Teach body awareness. Help them notice hunger, fullness and how different foods make them feel.</li>
</ul>

Why Restricting Party Treats Can Backfire [a Listener Q&A]

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/f00777f3-ba55-43d0-990f-b4b300ba475f/transcript

Do you actually know what your child is being taught about gender and identity at school?

Child and adolescent psychologist Clare Rowe says many parents have no idea what is being introduced in classrooms, particularly in the early primary years. She joins Justin to unpack what she believes is a growing gap between what children are being taught and what they are developmentally ready to understand.

They discuss gender identity education, the role of schools versus parents, what Clare is seeing in her psychology practice, and why she believes parents need greater transparency about classroom content.

Most importantly, Clare explains how parents can find out exactly what their school is teaching without starting a fight.

KEY POINTS
Why Clare believes some gender concepts are being introduced too early
The difference between teaching inclusion and introducing complex ideas about identity
Why young children can struggle with abstract concepts
What Clare is seeing among children presenting with gender distress
The concern around moving young people quickly towards medical interventions
Why parents may not know what outside providers are teaching at school
How to ask your school for lesson plans and curriculum information without becoming confrontational

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Get curious, not furious.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Clare Rowe and Rowe & Associates Child and Family Psychology
The Rowe Report
On the Couch with Clare
Respectful Relationships programs
Happy Families

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Ask your school what your child is being taught about sex, gender and identity.
Request lesson plans, curriculum details and information about any third-party providers.
Find out when this content will be taught so you can talk about it at home.
Approach the school calmly and ask questions before drawing conclusions.
Consider approaching the school with two or three other parents if you feel more comfortable doing it together.

Do you actually know what your child is being taught about gender and identity at school?
Child and adolescent psychologist Clare Rowe says many parents have no idea what is being introduced in classrooms, particularly in the early primary years. She joins Justin to unpack what she believes is a growing gap between what children are being taught and what they are developmentally ready to understand.
They discuss gender identity education, the role of schools versus parents, what Clare is seeing in her psychology practice, and why she believes parents need greater transparency about classroom content.
Most importantly, Clare explains how parents can find out exactly what their school is teaching without starting a fight.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why Clare believes some gender concepts are being introduced too early</li>
<li aria-level="1">The difference between teaching inclusion and introducing complex ideas about identity</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why young children can struggle with abstract concepts</li>
<li aria-level="1">What Clare is seeing among children presenting with gender distress</li>
<li aria-level="1">The concern around moving young people quickly towards medical interventions</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why parents may not know what outside providers are teaching at school</li>
<li aria-level="1">How to ask your school for lesson plans and curriculum information without becoming confrontational</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Get curious, not furious.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.roweandassociates.com.au/">Clare Rowe and Rowe &amp; Associates Child and Family Psychology</a></li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://clarerowe.substack.com/">The Rowe Report</a></li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.clarerowe.com.au/podcast-on-the-couch-with-clare">On the Couch with Clare</a></li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://education.nsw.gov.au/teaching-and-learning/curriculum/respectful-relationships-education">Respectful Relationships</a> programs</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au">Happy Families</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Ask your school what your child is being taught about sex, gender and identity.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Request lesson plans, curriculum details and information about any third-party providers.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Find out when this content will be taught so you can talk about it at home.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Approach the school calmly and ask questions before drawing conclusions.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Consider approaching the school with two or three other parents if you feel more comfortable doing it together.</li>
</ol>

What Your Child Is Being Taught About Gender at School [with Clare Rowe]

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/3610b2f2-aee5-47b7-8f53-b4b300ba227a/transcript

#891 The Perfection Trap with Thomas Curran (Part 1)

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