Justin & Kylie discuss how to praise a child - and why you shouldn't

Topics included in this episode -
The way we give feedback to our children matters
Why people praise
Attempting to boost our child's self esteem
We praise the kids that we think need it
It feels like it's right to say nice things
The paradoxical effects of praise & criticism on perceived ability
'That's not beautiful, that's incredibly beautiful'
Inflated praise decreases challenge seeking in children with low self esteem
The effects of praise on children's intrinsic motivation 
The right way to praise a child
Ask questions
It takes practice
Say what you see

Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Email us your questions and comments at podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au

Justin &amp; Kylie discuss how to praise a child - and why you shouldn't
Topics included in this episode -
<ul>
<li>The way we give feedback to our children matters</li>
<li>Why people praise</li>
<li>Attempting to boost our child's self esteem</li>
<li>We praise the kids that we think need it</li>
<li>It feels like it's right to say nice things</li>
<li>The paradoxical effects of praise &amp; criticism on perceived ability</li>
<li>'That's not beautiful, that's incredibly beautiful'</li>
<li>Inflated praise decreases challenge seeking in children with low self esteem</li>
<li>The effects of praise on children's intrinsic motivation </li>
<li>The right way to praise a child</li>
<li>Ask questions</li>
<li>It takes practice</li>
<li>Say what you see</li>
</ul>
Find us on Facebook at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au/">Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families</a>
Email us your questions and comments at <a href="mailto:podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au">podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au</a>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#773 A Pause on the Praise

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/ec86274c-aeea-4a36-8d98-b00c00508ac7/transcript

Everyone else has a phone. Your child feels left out. And you’re the “mean parent” holding the line.

So what now?

In this solo Q&A episode of the Happy Families Podcast, I unpack one of the most common parenting dilemmas today: peer pressure, smartphones, and the fear that saying no will push your child away.

If your 10–12 year old is desperate to “follow the crowd,” this episode gives you a research-backed, relationship-first roadmap to hold boundaries without losing connection.

Because this isn’t really about the phone. It’s about identity, belonging, and trust.

KEY POINTS
Why friendship becomes central to identity around age 11
The real risk isn’t strict boundaries — it’s feeling dismissed
The 3-step framework: Explore. Explain. Empower.
What the research says about smartphones, depression, sleep, and obesity
The exact script to say when the answer is “not yet”
How to say yes to connection while saying no to the device

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“My job is to protect your developing brain — even when that feels unfair.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Study published in the Pediatrics on smartphone use and wellbeing
Previous “Doctor’s Desk” episode on screens
Submit your parenting question at happyfamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Explore first. Ask: “Tell me what a phone would give you.” Listen without correcting.
Explain calmly. Share the why behind your boundary — not just the rule.
Empower together. Brainstorm ways to increase friend connection without a smartphone.
Give a future pathway. Revisit the conversation at a clear milestone (age, responsibility, contribution).
Stay warm. Boundaries don’t push kids away. Disconnection does.

Everyone else has a phone. Your child feels left out. And you&rsquo;re the &ldquo;mean parent&rdquo; holding the line.
So what now?
In this solo Q&amp;A episode of the Happy Families Podcast, I unpack one of the most common parenting dilemmas today: peer pressure, smartphones, and the fear that saying no will push your child away.
If your 10&ndash;12 year old is desperate to &ldquo;follow the crowd,&rdquo; this episode gives you a research-backed, relationship-first roadmap to hold boundaries without losing connection.
Because this isn&rsquo;t really about the phone. It&rsquo;s about identity, belonging, and trust.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why friendship becomes central to identity around age 11</li>
<li aria-level="1">The real risk isn&rsquo;t strict boundaries &mdash; it&rsquo;s feeling dismissed</li>
<li aria-level="1">The 3-step framework: Explore. Explain. Empower.</li>
<li aria-level="1">What the research says about smartphones, depression, sleep, and obesity</li>
<li aria-level="1">The exact script to say when the answer is &ldquo;not yet&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">How to say yes to connection while saying no to the device</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;My job is to protect your developing brain &mdash; even when that feels unfair.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Study published in the Pediatrics on smartphone use and wellbeing</li>
<li aria-level="1">Previous &ldquo;Doctor&rsquo;s Desk&rdquo; episode on screens</li>
<li aria-level="1">Submit your parenting question at happyfamilies.com.au</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Explore first. Ask: &ldquo;Tell me what a phone would give you.&rdquo; Listen without correcting.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Explain calmly. Share the why behind your boundary &mdash; not just the rule.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Empower together. Brainstorm ways to increase friend connection without a smartphone.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Give a future pathway. Revisit the conversation at a clear milestone (age, responsibility, contribution).</li>
<li aria-level="1">Stay warm. Boundaries don&rsquo;t push kids away. Disconnection does.</li>
</ol>

When All Their Friends Have Phones and You’re Standing Firm

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/05848d99-77e2-4ee2-964c-b3f3017a5bb2/transcript

I’ve publicly called Roblox a “pedophile hellscape.” Then the CEO invited me to meet.

Thirty minutes. One room. No media. No spin.

In this episode, I take you inside the meeting with David Baszucki, co-founder and CEO of Roblox — and share exactly what was said, what got uncomfortable, and why I left unconvinced that kids are truly safe.

If your child plays Roblox, you need to hear this.

KEY POINTS
Why Roblox says it’s designed for the “absentee parent”
The moment the temperature shifted in the room
Ongoing lawsuits and serious safety concerns
Why engagement and growth may still outrank child safety
The uncomfortable truth about parental responsibility
Five clear steps every parent should take today

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“I don’t care what people say. I care what people do. And right now, you’re not protecting our kids.”

RESOURCES
Roblox is a Paedophile Hellscape [Article]
5 Ways to Stay Safe Online
Parental controls and Roblox specific controls (esafety.org.au)
The Screen Smart Series [Webinar Series]

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Talk daily – Ask what they’re seeing, who they’re chatting to, and whether anything felt weird or unsafe.
Turn on parental controls – They’re imperfect, but better than nothing. Check them regularly.
Play with your child – Learn the platform. See what they see.
Set clear boundaries – No devices in bedrooms. No screens during family time.
Trust your gut – You don’t need permission to say no. How you say it matters.

I&rsquo;ve publicly called Roblox a &ldquo;pedophile hellscape.&rdquo; Then the CEO invited me to meet.
Thirty minutes. One room. No media. No spin.
In this episode, I take you inside the meeting with David Baszucki, co-founder and CEO of Roblox &mdash; and share exactly what was said, what got uncomfortable, and why I left unconvinced that kids are truly safe.
If your child plays Roblox, you need to hear this.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why Roblox says it&rsquo;s designed for the &ldquo;absentee parent&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">The moment the temperature shifted in the room</li>
<li aria-level="1">Ongoing lawsuits and serious safety concerns</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why engagement and growth may still outrank child safety</li>
<li aria-level="1">The uncomfortable truth about parental responsibility</li>
<li aria-level="1">Five clear steps every parent should take today</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;I don&rsquo;t care what people say. I care what people do. And right now, you&rsquo;re not protecting our kids.&rdquo;
RESOURCES
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/roblox-is-a-paedophile-hellscape">Roblox is a Paedophile Hellscape</a> [Article]</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamiliesau/posts/pfbid02EtyqebqnuKYUfYThkQMyaUq2vWxhjZyjkXjq4piWvJG1VMnjj7qLTQLgm5sRPj1cl">5 Ways to Stay Safe Online</a></li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.esafety.gov.au/parents/issues-and-advice/parental-controls">Parental controls</a> and&nbsp;<a href="https://www.esafety.gov.au/key-topics/esafety-guide/roblox">Roblox specific controls</a> (esafety.org.au)</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/the-screen-smart-series">The Screen Smart Series</a> [Webinar Series]</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Talk daily &ndash; Ask what they&rsquo;re seeing, who they&rsquo;re chatting to, and whether anything felt weird or unsafe.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Turn on parental controls &ndash; They&rsquo;re imperfect, but better than nothing. Check them regularly.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Play with your child &ndash; Learn the platform. See what they see.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Set clear boundaries &ndash; No devices in bedrooms. No screens during family time.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Trust your gut &ndash; You don&rsquo;t need permission to say no. How you say it matters.</li>
</ol>

What Really Happened When I Met the Roblox CEO

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/47622181-1a56-401c-9dc3-b3f3017a3ab7/transcript

You snap at the kids. You’re exhausted. You promise, “I’ll do better tomorrow.”

This week we learned something powerful: we are stronger than we think — but that doesn’t mean we’re limitless.

From a sunrise alarm clock that changed our mornings… to a 15-year-old riding 20km before school… to a stadium concert that tested endurance… to a parenting moment that missed the mark — this episode is about resilience, sacrifice, and what really makes families stronger.

Because sometimes the win isn’t perfection.
It’s showing up again tomorrow.

KEY POINTS
Why a sunrise alarm clock transformed our mornings (and kept phones out of the bedroom)
The hidden power of supporting your teen’s big goals
A live school experiment proving we all have more in the tank
Why resilience is relational
What exhaustion does to even “expert” parents
The difference between sacrifice and choosing what matters more

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“You are stronger than you think — but how you push through matters.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Sunrise Alarm Clock

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Keep phones out of bedrooms for one week and notice the difference.
When your child sets a hard goal, ask: How can I support this?
The next time you think you’re done, try 10% more.
Protect sleep like it protects your parenting.
If you blow it, model repair. Say sorry. Start again.

You snap at the kids. You&rsquo;re exhausted. You promise, &ldquo;I&rsquo;ll do better tomorrow.&rdquo;
This week we learned something powerful: we are stronger than we think &mdash; but that doesn&rsquo;t mean we&rsquo;re limitless.
From a sunrise alarm clock that changed our mornings&hellip; to a 15-year-old riding 20km before school&hellip; to a stadium concert that tested endurance&hellip; to a parenting moment that missed the mark &mdash; this episode is about resilience, sacrifice, and what really makes families stronger.
Because sometimes the win isn&rsquo;t perfection. It&rsquo;s showing up again tomorrow.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li>Why a sunrise alarm clock transformed our mornings (and kept phones out of the bedroom)</li>
<li>The hidden power of supporting your teen&rsquo;s big goals</li>
<li>A live school experiment proving we all have more in the tank</li>
<li>Why resilience is relational</li>
<li>What exhaustion does to even &ldquo;expert&rdquo; parents</li>
<li>The difference between sacrifice and choosing what matters more</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;You are stronger than you think &mdash; but how you push through matters.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Sunrise-Alarm-Clock-White-Machine/dp/B0F8NV2KMX/ref=sr_1_5?adgrpid=87249300615&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.mebK-9arzmpHPZuRXxwctciWwFLRM0mIOnDrwtXQocBwMNeplFVVUiNCHZnAOCZnHMa6sO0cxd8kVRG-AmNCpwTfn3WlE64Tc_S0PGB0vqh3Yg-swUoP-icB2ZpzeJ70qGkR8QV3KrSV_oEj8WXqrGK6YoW2oGCr0TPkIr-26T1BuobgrWClX2dbSLGJhMwnKcVffBLM2-qipSHqV8RHx6zUX6SxtrzqvXERU2cXANC6WQGiBrJxHMGJCLHIceYL4kbXJOOWLv_sm3H--t-0o8njKJh0K2vngc3wDyhsuno.3fcKtPD78PwuHs62x9qjeoHTrwWwZU8eGyWl7VgoAY0&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;hvadid=591133013747&amp;hvdev=c&amp;hvlocphy=9071894&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvqmt=e&amp;hvrand=15094733987483565191&amp;hvtargid=kwd-11469121&amp;hydadcr=2653_351033&amp;keywords=sunrise%2Balarm%2Bclock&amp;mcid=a1e4852fbec03319b955e1092d818c29&amp;qid=1772010149&amp;sr=8-5&amp;th=1">Sunrise Alarm Clock</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li>Keep phones out of bedrooms for one week and notice the difference.</li>
<li>When your child sets a hard goal, ask:&nbsp;How can I support this?</li>
<li>The next time you think you&rsquo;re done, try 10% more.</li>
<li>Protect sleep like it protects your parenting.</li>
<li>If you blow it, model repair. Say sorry. Start again.</li>
</ol>

You’re Stronger Than You Think (Even When You Blow It)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/7f651179-419d-4800-9b77-b3f301799cc4/transcript

#773 A Pause on the Praise

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