Justin & Kylie answer a listener's question about their tween daughter




Topics discussed:
3 basic psychological needs - Relatedness, Competence & Control
Seeing your child as a person vs only seeing their problems
Correction & directions vs connection
Competence needs to be satisfied
Explore, explain, empower




Purchase the Better Together webinar in the Happy Families shop or find it in your Happy Families Membership.

Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Email us your questions and comments at podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au

Justin &amp; Kylie answer a listener's question about their tween daughter Topics discussed:<ul>
<li>3 basic psychological needs - Relatedness, Competence &amp; Control</li>
<li>Seeing your child as a person vs only seeing their problems</li>
<li>Correction &amp; directions vs connection</li>
<li>Competence needs to be satisfied</li>
<li>Explore, explain, empower</li>
</ul> Purchase the <a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/better-together">Better Together</a> webinar in the Happy Families shop or find it in your <a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/membership/parents">Happy Families Membership</a>.Find us on Facebook at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au/">Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families</a>Email us your questions and comments at <a href="mailto:podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au">podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au</a>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#593 Tween Tensions

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/f6539876-afdb-4f47-9460-af460026a4da/transcript

Ever been halfway through a parenting reel thinking *“Oh wow, this is gold”… only to realise it’s actually terrible advice dressed up with pretty music and a pastel background? We’ve been there too. In today’s episode, Justin and Kylie unpack six pieces of popular parenting advice they’re choosing to ignore forever—and why you should too. From controlled crying to timeouts, “spoiling” kids with love, and the classic “just ignore the tantrum” strategy, we’re calling out the myths that sound helpful but harm connection. This episode is your permission slip to parent with heart, not hacks.

KEY POINTS:
Controlled crying is not independence training — It misunderstands attachment and ignores babies’ real needs.
Timeouts don’t teach, they isolate — Punishment in disguise erodes trust and connection.
Responsiveness isn’t spoiling — Kids thrive when we tune in, not tune out.
Ignoring tantrums doesn’t make them go away — Empathy teaches emotional regulation.
“Seen and not heard” is still hanging around (and still harmful) — Kids need space to be curious, push back respectfully, and develop their voice.
Self-soothing is a myth for little ones — Kids learn to calm down with us, not alone.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
 “Abandoning children in their most vulnerable moments teaches them nothing—except that our love is conditional.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED:
The Whole-Brain Childby Dr. Daniel Siegel
Attachment research by Dr. Allan Schore

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
Challenge bad advice — When you hear advice that feels off, trust your gut and check the research.
Choose connection over correction — When your child is distressed, meet them with empathy instead of isolation.
Be responsive, not reactive — Show up consistently so your child learns to regulate through co-regulation.
Make space for their voice — Let your kids respectfully question, push back, and express themselves.
Ditch the naughty chair — Find real discipline strategies that teach, not punish.

Ever been halfway through a parenting reel thinking *&ldquo;Oh wow, this is gold&rdquo;&hellip; only to realise it&rsquo;s actually terrible advice dressed up with pretty music and a pastel background? We&rsquo;ve been there too. In today&rsquo;s episode, Justin and Kylie unpack six pieces of popular parenting advice they&rsquo;re choosing to ignore forever&mdash;and why you should too. From controlled crying to timeouts, &ldquo;spoiling&rdquo; kids with love, and the classic&nbsp;&ldquo;just ignore the tantrum&rdquo; strategy, we&rsquo;re calling out the myths that sound helpful but harm connection. This episode is your permission slip to parent with heart, not hacks.
KEY POINTS:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Controlled crying is not independence training &mdash; It misunderstands attachment and ignores babies&rsquo; real needs.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Timeouts don&rsquo;t teach, they isolate &mdash; Punishment in disguise erodes trust and connection.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Responsiveness isn&rsquo;t spoiling &mdash; Kids thrive when we tune in, not tune out.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Ignoring tantrums doesn&rsquo;t make them go away &mdash; Empathy teaches emotional regulation.</li>
<li aria-level="1">&ldquo;Seen and not heard&rdquo; is still hanging around (and still harmful) &mdash; Kids need space to be curious, push back respectfully, and develop their voice.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Self-soothing is a myth for little ones &mdash; Kids learn to calm down with us, not alone.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: &ldquo;Abandoning children in their most vulnerable moments teaches them nothing&mdash;except that our love is conditional.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://drdansiegel.com/book/the-whole-brain-child/">The Whole-Brain Child </a>by Dr. Daniel Siegel</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.allanschore.com/pdf/SchoreAttachHumDev.pdf">Attachment research</a> by Dr. Allan Schore</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Challenge bad advice &mdash; When you hear advice that feels off, trust your gut and check the research.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Choose connection over correction &mdash; When your child is distressed, meet them with empathy instead of isolation.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Be responsive, not reactive &mdash; Show up consistently so your child learns to regulate through co-regulation.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Make space for their voice &mdash; Let your kids respectfully question, push back, and express themselves.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Ditch the naughty chair &mdash; Find real discipline strategies that teach, not punish.</li>
</ol>

The 6 Worst Parenting Tips We’re Never Taking Again

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/cec6a6fb-ed35-4c43-9996-b3b300ad3f42/transcript

Most family goals sound great… and quietly disappear by February.

In this short, honest episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson share why family goal-setting usually falls apart — and the simple shifts that actually make goals work. From kids’ fitness goals to holidays, habits, and hopes for the year ahead, this episode shows how buy-in, accountability, and involvement turn good intentions into real change.

If you want goals your kids don’t just agree to — but actually own — start here.

KEY POINTS
Why top-down family goals almost always fail
The power of bottom-up buy-in (especially with older kids)
How accountability and visible progress keep motivation alive
Why parents must support goals without becoming the “goal police”
The overlooked ingredient that makes family goals stick: involvement

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“The goals that work aren’t the ones parents announce — they’re the ones families build together.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Family meetings (What’s going well? What’s not? What should we focus on?)
Happy Families website: happyfamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Hold a short family meeting and let kids lead the goal ideas
Choose one goal that feels challenging but achievable
Set clear check-in points to notice progress
Support the system — don’t police the outcome
Get involved alongside your kids, especially when it’s hard

Most family goals sound great&hellip; and quietly disappear by February.
In this short, honest episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson share why family goal-setting usually falls apart &mdash; and the simple shifts that actually make goals work. From kids&rsquo; fitness goals to holidays, habits, and hopes for the year ahead, this episode shows how buy-in, accountability, and involvement turn good intentions into real change.
If you want goals your kids don&rsquo;t just agree to &mdash; but actually own &mdash; start here.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why top-down family goals almost always fail</li>
<li aria-level="1">The power of bottom-up buy-in (especially with older kids)</li>
<li aria-level="1">How accountability and visible progress keep motivation alive</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why parents must support goals without becoming the &ldquo;goal police&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">The overlooked ingredient that makes family goals stick: involvement</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;The goals that work aren&rsquo;t the ones parents announce &mdash; they&rsquo;re the ones families build together.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Family meetings (What&rsquo;s going well? What&rsquo;s not? What should we focus on?)</li>
<li aria-level="1">Happy Families website: happyfamilies.com.au</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Hold a short family meeting and let kids lead the goal ideas</li>
<li aria-level="1">Choose one goal that feels challenging but achievable</li>
<li aria-level="1">Set clear check-in points to notice progress</li>
<li aria-level="1">Support the system &mdash; don&rsquo;t police the outcome</li>
<li aria-level="1">Get involved alongside your kids, especially when it&rsquo;s hard</li>
</ul>

Why Most Family Goals Fail (And How to Get Yours to Stick)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/76632c4b-efec-47a9-a01f-b3b300ace9be/transcript

It's our final episode for 2025! With another year in the rear view mirror, its a very special I'll Do Better Tomorrow, as Justin and Kylie wrap up the year.

Topics discussed include:
Justin's reflection on the Bondi terror attack.
Kylie's thoughts on the recent New Zealand cycling trip, and persevering through hard things.
Digging deep when we're dealing with the day to day mundane.
Justin and Kylie's highlights of 2025.

Merry Christmas from the Happy Families Podcast team - Justin, Kylie, Mim and JR! We hope you have a wonderful season with those nearest and dearest to you.

Thank you for making the Happy Families Podcast the most downloaded parenting podcast in Australia this year.

We'll be back in 2026 with more daily parenting advice to help make your family happier.

As always visit the Happy Families website for more resources, or join the conversation on our Facebook page.

It's our final episode for 2025! With another year in the rear view mirror, its a very special I'll Do Better Tomorrow, as Justin and Kylie wrap up the year.
Topics discussed include:
<ul>
<li>Justin's reflection on the Bondi terror attack.</li>
<li>Kylie's thoughts on the recent New Zealand cycling trip, and persevering through hard things.</li>
<li>Digging deep when we're dealing with the day to day mundane.</li>
<li>Justin and Kylie's highlights of 2025.</li>
</ul>
Merry Christmas from the Happy Families Podcast team - Justin, Kylie, Mim and JR! We hope you have a wonderful season with those nearest and dearest to you.
Thank you for making the Happy Families Podcast the most downloaded parenting podcast in Australia this year.
We'll be back in 2026 with more daily parenting advice to help make your family happier.
As always visit the <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/">Happy Families website</a> for more resources, or join the conversation on our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamiliesau">Facebook page</a>.

2025 - The Highs, Lows & Lessons Learned

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/438b3289-0d84-44b7-bc59-b3a500b3e669/transcript

#593 Tween Tensions

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