How do we raise children who are independent, critical thinkers while also fitting in?




Topics included in this episode:
Justin speaks with Todd Kashdan about his new book
"We want our youth to be compelling - likeability plus confidence."
Instilling values
Basketball free throws
Losing while you stick to your principles is better than winning by taking the shortcuts
Stereotyped, non-conforming behaviour
Masculinity and insubordination




Learn more about Todd Kashdan or buy his book, The Art of Insubordination

Purchase a ticket to the Bringing Up Boys Summit

Purchase Tweens, Teens & Screens or find it in your Happy Families Membership. Because a happy family doesn't just happen.

Purchase The Do's & Dont's of Discipline or find it in your Happy Families Membership. Because a happy family doesn't just happen.

Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Email us your questions and comments at podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au.

How do we raise children who are independent, critical thinkers while also fitting in? Topics included in this episode:<ul>
<li>Justin speaks with Todd Kashdan about his new book</li>
<li>"We want our youth to be compelling - likeability plus confidence."</li>
<li>Instilling values</li>
<li>Basketball free throws</li>
<li>Losing while you stick to your principles is better than winning by taking the shortcuts</li>
<li>Stereotyped, non-conforming behaviour</li>
<li>Masculinity and insubordination</li>
</ul> Learn more about <a href="https://toddkashdan.com/">Todd Kashdan</a> or buy his book, The Art of InsubordinationPurchase a ticket to the <a href="https://happyfamiliesfamilyeducation.ac-page.com/bringing-up-boys-summit">Bringing Up Boys Summit</a>Purchase <a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/tweens-teens-screens">Tweens, Teens &amp; Screens</a> or find it in your <a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/membership/parents">Happy Families Membership</a>. Because a happy family doesn't just happen.Purchase <a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/the-dos-donts-of-discipline">The Do's &amp; Dont's of Discipline</a> or find it in your <a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/membership/parents">Happy Families Membership</a>. Because a happy family doesn't just happen.Find us on Facebook at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au/">Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families</a>Email us your questions and comments at <a href="mailto:podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au">podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au</a>.

Deciding which parenting advice to follow? Join the thousands of mums and dads who turn to Australia’s most downloaded parenting podcast.

Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.

From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

Deciding which parenting advice to follow?&nbsp;Join the thousands of mums and dads who turn to Australia&rsquo;s most downloaded parenting podcast.
Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.
From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#474 The Art of Insubordination With Todd Kashdan

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/40364778-2b03-47de-841a-af460041350b/transcript

The best Father’s Day had almost nothing to do with presents.

Justin and Kylie share the unexpectedly beautiful family dinner that turned into stories, tears, terrible dancing and a powerful reminder of what children really take from their dads. As each daughter shared what she loved about Justin, one message kept coming through: the way a father loves his partner can shape what his children expect from love for years to come.

KEY POINTS
Why gifts and big expectations can make special days fall flat
The simple dinner-table tradition that changed the whole night
Why telling family members what you love about them matters
How old family songs brought childhood memories flooding back
The relationship lesson Justin and Kylie’s daughters have absorbed from watching their parents
Why strong family bonds can add to our lives rather than restrict them

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“The greatest legacy you as their dad have given them already is the way you love me.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
“Blue Hotel” by Chris Isaak
“Cinderella” by Steven Curtis Chapman
“We Will Rock You” by Queen

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Tell your partner and children something specific you love about them.
Bring back a song, ritual or tradition your family has let slip.
Create time together that isn’t centred around buying things.
Consider what your children are learning about relationships by watching yours.

The best Father&rsquo;s Day had almost nothing to do with presents.
Justin and Kylie share the unexpectedly beautiful family dinner that turned into stories, tears, terrible dancing and a powerful reminder of what children really take from their dads. As each daughter shared what she loved about Justin, one message kept coming through: the way a father loves his partner can shape what his children expect from love for years to come.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why gifts and big expectations can make special days fall flat</li>
<li aria-level="1">The simple dinner-table tradition that changed the whole night</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why telling family members what you love about them matters</li>
<li aria-level="1">How old family songs brought childhood memories flooding back</li>
<li aria-level="1">The relationship lesson Justin and Kylie&rsquo;s daughters have absorbed from watching their parents</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why strong family bonds can add to our lives rather than restrict them</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;The greatest legacy you as their dad have given them already is the way you love me.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">&ldquo;Blue Hotel&rdquo; by Chris Isaak</li>
<li aria-level="1">&ldquo;Cinderella&rdquo; by Steven Curtis Chapman</li>
<li aria-level="1">&ldquo;We Will Rock You&rdquo; by Queen</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Tell your partner and children something specific you love about them.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Bring back a song, ritual or tradition your family has let slip.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Create time together that isn&rsquo;t centred around buying things.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Consider what your children are learning about relationships by watching yours.</li>
</ul>

The Greatest Legacy a Dad Can Leave

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/33eb9675-88ba-4ac9-9000-b4b300bae289/transcript

More choice should make us happier. Turns out, it often does the opposite.

Whether it’s choosing a movie, buying a pair of jeans or helping your child pick school subjects, searching for the absolute best option can leave us anxious, regretful and less satisfied with what we eventually choose.

Justin and Kylie unpack the psychology of maximising versus satisficing and what the research reveals about decision-making. They explore why “good enough” can sometimes make us happier, how too many choices affect kids, and how to know when a decision deserves serious thought and when it’s time to stop searching.

KEY POINTS
The difference between maximisers and satisficers
Why finding the “best” option doesn’t always make us happier
How too many choices can increase regret and dissatisfaction
Why kids often benefit from fewer options
How to decide what “good enough” looks like before you start searching
Which decisions deserve more time and which ones don’t
How parents can model confident decision-making

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“If you can decide what’s going to be good enough before you start the search, then once you find it, you can stop the search.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Herbert Simon’s concept of “satisficing”
Research by Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz and Jonathan Wells on maximising and decision-making

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Shrink the choice. Give children two or three options instead of an endless list.
Set the standard first. Decide what “good enough” looks like before searching.
Say it out loud. Let your kids hear you say, “This works. I’m happy with this choice.”
Match the effort to the decision. University choices deserve more thought than what to eat for dinner.
Notice decision avoidance. Ask whether you’re still searching for a better answer or because committing to one feels uncomfortable.

More choice should make us happier. Turns out, it often does the opposite.
Whether it&rsquo;s choosing a movie, buying a pair of jeans or helping your child pick school subjects, searching for the absolute best option can leave us anxious, regretful and less satisfied with what we eventually choose.
Justin and Kylie unpack the psychology of maximising versus satisficing and what the research reveals about decision-making. They explore why &ldquo;good enough&rdquo; can sometimes make us happier, how too many choices affect kids, and how to know when a decision deserves serious thought and when it&rsquo;s time to stop searching.
KEY POINTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>The difference between maximisers and satisficers</li>
<li>Why finding the &ldquo;best&rdquo; option doesn&rsquo;t always make us happier</li>
<li>How too many choices can increase regret and dissatisfaction</li>
<li>Why kids often benefit from fewer options</li>
<li>How to decide what &ldquo;good enough&rdquo; looks like before you start searching</li>
<li>Which decisions deserve more time and which ones don&rsquo;t</li>
<li>How parents can model confident decision-making</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;If you can decide what&rsquo;s going to be good enough before you start the search, then once you find it, you can stop the search.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>Herbert Simon&rsquo;s concept of &ldquo;<a href="https://www.behavioraleconomics.com/resources/mini-encyclopedia-of-be/satisficing/">satisficing</a>&rdquo;</li>
<li><a href="https://thedecisionlab.com/reference-guide/economics/the-paradox-of-choice">Research</a> by Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz and Jonathan Wells on maximising and decision-making</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>Shrink the choice. Give children two or three options instead of an endless list.</li>
<li>Set the standard first. Decide what &ldquo;good enough&rdquo; looks like before searching.</li>
<li>Say it out loud. Let your kids hear you say, &ldquo;This works. I&rsquo;m happy with this choice.&rdquo;</li>
<li>Match the effort to the decision. University choices deserve more thought than what to eat for dinner.</li>
<li>Notice decision avoidance. Ask whether you&rsquo;re still searching for a better answer or because committing to one feels uncomfortable.</li>
</ul>

Why Overthinking Decisions Makes Us Less Happy

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/be74f881-4fb2-46c7-9fbd-b4b300baacd9/transcript

Parents have more advice, information and expert guidance than ever before. So why are so many feeling stressed, isolated and burnt out?

More than 10,000 Australian parents took part in the Parenting Today study, revealing a worrying decline in wellbeing, self-compassion and connection. Justin speaks with Derek McCormick, Director of Raising Children Network, about what's putting parents under so much pressure and whether the constant stream of parenting advice is part of the problem.

They unpack information overload, social media, AI, loneliness and the one simple shift that can help when parenting feels like too much.

KEY POINTS
What more than 10,000 Australian parents revealed about parenting today
Why having more parenting information hasn't necessarily made parenting easier
How social media and influencers can leave good parents feeling like they're getting it wrong
Why trusted information matters, but information alone isn't enough
The importance of real-world connection and peer support
Why keeping communication open with your kids matters more than pushing them to talk
How AI is changing where parents go for advice
Why self-compassion is a practical tool for overwhelmed parents

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

"Do I talk to myself the way I would talk to a good friend?"
Derek McCormick

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Raising Children Network
Parenting Today study from the Parenting Research Centre
MyTime peer support groups
Happy Families
Burnt Out webinar (included in the Happy Families membership)

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Audit where your parenting advice is coming from. Choose sources you genuinely trust.
Notice which accounts, reels or advice leave you feeling inadequate. Give yourself permission to unfollow.
Talk to yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a struggling friend.
Reach out to someone you trust instead of carrying the hard parts of parenting alone.
Focus on creating a relationship where your child feels safe bringing problems to you.

Parents have more advice, information and expert guidance than ever before. So why are so many feeling stressed, isolated and burnt out?
More than 10,000 Australian parents took part in the Parenting Today study, revealing a worrying decline in wellbeing, self-compassion and connection. Justin speaks with Derek McCormick, Director of Raising Children Network, about what's putting parents under so much pressure and whether the constant stream of parenting advice is part of the problem.
They unpack information overload, social media, AI, loneliness and the one simple shift that can help when parenting feels like too much.
KEY POINTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>What more than 10,000 Australian parents revealed about parenting today</li>
<li>Why having more parenting information hasn't necessarily made parenting easier</li>
<li>How social media and influencers can leave good parents feeling like they're getting it wrong</li>
<li>Why trusted information matters, but information alone isn't enough</li>
<li>The importance of real-world connection and peer support</li>
<li>Why keeping communication open with your kids matters more than pushing them to talk</li>
<li>How AI is changing where parents go for advice</li>
<li>Why self-compassion is a practical tool for overwhelmed parents</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
"Do I talk to myself the way I would talk to a good friend?" Derek McCormick
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul data-spread="false">
<li><a href="https://raisingchildren.net.au/">Raising Children Network</a></li>
<li><a href="https://parentingtoday.net.au/about-parenting-today/">Parenting Today study</a> from the Parenting Research Centre</li>
<li><a href="https://www.playgroupnsw.org.au/about/programs/mytime/">MyTime</a> peer support groups</li>
<li>Happy Families</li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/qwebinar-burnt-out">Burnt Out</a> webinar (included in the Happy Families membership)</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>Audit where your parenting advice is coming from. Choose sources you genuinely trust.</li>
<li>Notice which accounts, reels or advice leave you feeling inadequate. Give yourself permission to unfollow.</li>
<li>Talk to yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a struggling friend.</li>
<li>Reach out to someone you trust instead of carrying the hard parts of parenting alone.</li>
<li>Focus on creating a relationship where your child feels safe bringing problems to you.</li>
</ul>

Derek McCormack on Parental Stress and Burnout

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/d7acdc44-ba47-40ca-a804-b4b300ba71e8/transcript

#474 The Art of Insubordination With Todd Kashdan

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