We’ve been teaching kids resilience all wrong.

If you’ve ever watched your child fall apart over homework, friendships, or an impossibly messy bedroom - this episode reframes everything you think you know about “being strong.”

Resilience isn’t grit.
It isn’t white-knuckling.
And it definitely isn’t doing it alone.

Justin and Kylie unpack the powerful truth backed by decades of research: resilience is relational — and what our kids need most when they’re struggling is us, closer than ever.

KEY POINTS
Why “tough it out” parenting quietly backfires
The research that proves one relationship can change a child’s life
How support builds competence (not dependence)
What to do in the moment when your child feels overwhelmed
Why moving closer is the most powerful parenting move you can make

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Resilience isn’t doing it alone. It’s knowing you’re not alone while you do it.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Nine Ways to a Resilient Child — Justin Coulson
Emmy Werner’s Kauai Longitudinal Study
Harvard Study of Adult Development
happyfamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
When your child is struggling, move closer — not further away
Sit with them instead of fixing it for them
Break big tasks into tiny, doable steps
Let your voice become the calm they borrow
Model asking for help — it teaches strength, not weakness

We&rsquo;ve been teaching kids resilience all wrong.
If you&rsquo;ve ever watched your child fall apart over homework, friendships, or an impossibly messy bedroom - this episode reframes everything you think you know about &ldquo;being strong.&rdquo;
Resilience isn&rsquo;t grit. It isn&rsquo;t white-knuckling. And it definitely isn&rsquo;t doing it alone.
Justin and Kylie unpack the powerful truth backed by decades of research: resilience is relational &mdash; and what our kids need most when they&rsquo;re struggling is us, closer than ever.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why &ldquo;tough it out&rdquo; parenting quietly backfires</li>
<li aria-level="1">The research that proves one relationship can change a child&rsquo;s life</li>
<li aria-level="1">How support builds competence (not dependence)</li>
<li aria-level="1">What to do in the moment when your child feels overwhelmed</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why moving closer is the most powerful parenting move you can make</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Resilience isn&rsquo;t doing it alone. It&rsquo;s knowing you&rsquo;re not alone while you do it.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.harpercollins.com.au/9780733334825/9-ways-to-a-resilient-child/">Nine Ways to a Resilient Child</a> &mdash; Justin Coulson</li>
<li aria-level="1">Emmy Werner&rsquo;s <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/1054139X92901577">Kauai Longitudinal Study</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">Harvard <a href="https://www.adultdevelopmentstudy.org/">Study of Adult Development</a></li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="happyfamilies.com.au">happyfamilies.com.au</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">When your child is struggling, move closer &mdash; not further away</li>
<li aria-level="1">Sit with them instead of fixing it for them</li>
<li aria-level="1">Break big tasks into tiny, doable steps</li>
<li aria-level="1">Let your voice become the calm they borrow</li>
<li aria-level="1">Model asking for help &mdash; it teaches strength, not weakness</li>
</ul>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Resilience is Relational

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/ed75390d-1c20-427f-b301-b3e500b1bd3c/transcript

One honest conversation. One brave decision. One life changed.

In this I’ll Do Better Tomorrow episode, Kylie shares a moment she almost dismissed — until a handwritten letter revealed the unimaginable impact it had. We also unpack why goals often fail kids, how habits quietly heal, and what happens when parents choose courage over convention. This is about noticing what’s not working… and acting before it’s too late.

KEY POINTS
Why focusing on who your child is becoming matters more than hitting a goal
How movement reduces anxiety and low mood (even when it doesn’t “make you happy”)
The quiet warning signs parents often miss
Why “the best school” isn’t always the right school
How one conversation gave a mum the courage to act — and likely saved a life
A powerful reminder: resilience doesn’t grow alone, it grows in relationships

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“So often we keep doing the same thing, hoping it will get better — but nothing changes until we act.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Happy Families — parenting courses and support
Parenting ADHD [The Course] (happyfamilies.com.au)
The Industry School (alternative education option discussed)

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Get curious, not furious: ask why before fixing
Shift goals into habits — focus on daily ways of being
Watch energy, mood, and behaviour for quiet signals
If something isn’t working, give yourself permission to choose again
Have the brave conversation — it might matter more than you realise

One honest conversation. One brave decision. One life changed.
In this I&rsquo;ll Do Better Tomorrow episode, Kylie shares a moment she almost dismissed &mdash; until a handwritten letter revealed the unimaginable impact it had. We also unpack why goals often fail kids, how habits quietly heal, and what happens when parents choose courage over convention. This is about noticing what&rsquo;s not working&hellip; and acting before it&rsquo;s too late.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why focusing on who your child is becoming matters more than hitting a goal</li>
<li aria-level="1">How movement reduces anxiety and low mood (even when it doesn&rsquo;t &ldquo;make you happy&rdquo;)</li>
<li aria-level="1">The quiet warning signs parents often miss</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why &ldquo;the best school&rdquo; isn&rsquo;t always the right school</li>
<li aria-level="1">How one conversation gave a mum the courage to act &mdash; and likely saved a life</li>
<li aria-level="1">A powerful reminder: resilience doesn&rsquo;t grow alone, it grows in relationships</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;So often we keep doing the same thing, hoping it will get better &mdash; but nothing changes until we act.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au">Happy Families</a> &mdash; parenting courses and support</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/parenting-adhd-the-course">Parenting ADHD [The Course]</a> (happyfamilies.com.au)</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://theindustryschool.com.au/">The Industry School</a> (alternative education option discussed)</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Get curious, not furious: ask why before fixing</li>
<li aria-level="1">Shift goals into habits &mdash; focus on daily ways of being</li>
<li aria-level="1">Watch energy, mood, and behaviour for quiet signals</li>
<li aria-level="1">If something isn&rsquo;t working, give yourself permission to choose again</li>
<li aria-level="1">Have the brave conversation &mdash; it might matter more than you realise</li>
</ul>

I'll Do Better Tomorrow - Kylie Saves a Life

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/2dc31bb4-f9e3-4e72-a61d-b3d600ceee03/transcript

Some books entertain.
Some books inform.
And then there are books that unsettle you—and quietly change how you see the world, your kids, and the systems shaping their lives.

In this episode, Kylie and I step away from parenting advice (just briefly) to share the books that mattered most to us in 2025. These aren’t light beach reads. They’re confronting, provocative, and deeply relevant for parents raising children in a digital, diagnosed, distracted world.

If you love books—and you care about the future your kids are growing up in—this one stays with you.

Books & Resources Mentioned
Boys — Dr Justin Coulson (join the waitlist to learn more!)
Careless People — Sarah Wynn-Williams
Searching for Normal — Sami Timimi
Essentialism — Greg McKeown
The Let Them Theory — Mel Robbins
A Thousand Wasted Sundays — Victoria Vanstone
Mumming — Victoria Vanstone
1984 — George Orwell
Lonesome Dove — Larry McMurtry
A Gentleman in Moscow — Amor Towles
Greenlights — Matthew McConaughey
Parenting ADHD [The Course]
My 8 Favourite Books in 2025 [Article]

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Choose one book this year that challenges your assumptions—not just your habits
Notice what makes you uncomfortable while reading—and sit with it
Talk with your partner or teen about what you’re noticing in tech, mental health, and culture
Remember: protecting kids starts with seeing the systems shaping them

Some books entertain. Some books inform. And then there are books that unsettle you&mdash;and quietly change how you see the world, your kids, and the systems shaping their lives.
In this episode, Kylie and I step away from parenting advice (just briefly) to share the books that mattered most to us in 2025. These aren&rsquo;t light beach reads. They&rsquo;re confronting, provocative, and deeply relevant for parents raising children in a digital, diagnosed, distracted world.
If you love books&mdash;and you care about the future your kids are growing up in&mdash;this one stays with you.
Books &amp; Resources Mentioned
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Boys &mdash; Dr Justin Coulson (<a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/boys-book-waitlist">join the waitlist </a>to learn more!)</li>
<li aria-level="1">Careless People &mdash; Sarah Wynn-Williams</li>
<li aria-level="1">Searching for Normal &mdash; Sami Timimi</li>
<li aria-level="1">Essentialism &mdash; Greg McKeown</li>
<li aria-level="1">The Let Them Theory &mdash; Mel Robbins</li>
<li aria-level="1">A Thousand Wasted Sundays &mdash; Victoria Vanstone</li>
<li aria-level="1">Mumming &mdash; Victoria Vanstone</li>
<li aria-level="1">1984 &mdash; George Orwell</li>
<li aria-level="1">Lonesome Dove &mdash; Larry McMurtry</li>
<li aria-level="1">A Gentleman in Moscow &mdash; Amor Towles</li>
<li aria-level="1">Greenlights &mdash; Matthew McConaughey</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/parenting-adhd-the-course">Parenting ADHD [The Course]</a></li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/my-8-favourite-books-in-2025">My 8 Favourite Books in 2025</a> [Article]</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Choose one book this year that challenges your assumptions&mdash;not just your habits</li>
<li aria-level="1">Notice what makes you uncomfortable while reading&mdash;and sit with it</li>
<li aria-level="1">Talk with your partner or teen about what you&rsquo;re noticing in tech, mental health, and culture</li>
<li aria-level="1">Remember: protecting kids starts with seeing the systems shaping them</li>
</ul>

The Best Books We Read in 2025

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/63333a78-395b-4abb-8c88-b3d600cec4dc/transcript

Every cry feels urgent. Every opinion feels loud. But what if responding faster isn’t always better?

New research reveals something surprising: being responsive matters—but being too responsive might actually make things harder for your baby (and you). In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down a powerful cross-cultural study that challenges popular parenting advice and explains what truly helps babies learn to calm themselves—without neglect, guilt, or extremes.

If you’ve ever felt anxious about every sound your baby makes, this episode will change how you listen.

KEY POINTS
Why faster responses don’t always mean faster soothing
What a UK–Uganda study reveals about infant self-regulation
The difference between responsiveness and over-responsiveness
How parental anxiety transfers directly to babies
Why how you respond matters as much as when you respond

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Being responsive helps babies feel safe—but being over-responsive can stop them learning how to soothe themselves.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Research published in Developmental Psychology
British Psychological Society (BPS)
10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know –by Dr Justin Coulson
HappyFamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Pause before responding—notice the level of distress
Respond quickly to real distress, not every murmur
Calm yourself first—your baby borrows your nervous system
Trust that small pauses can build self-soothing skills
Let go of “perfect” responses and aim for attuned ones

Every cry feels urgent. Every opinion feels loud. But what if responding faster isn&rsquo;t always better?
New research reveals something surprising: being responsive matters&mdash;but being too responsive might actually make things harder for your baby (and you). In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down a powerful cross-cultural study that challenges popular parenting advice and explains what truly helps babies learn to calm themselves&mdash;without neglect, guilt, or extremes.
If you&rsquo;ve ever felt anxious about every sound your baby makes, this episode will change how you listen.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why faster responses don&rsquo;t always mean faster soothing</li>
<li aria-level="1">What a UK&ndash;Uganda study reveals about infant self-regulation</li>
<li aria-level="1">The difference between responsiveness and over-responsiveness</li>
<li aria-level="1">How parental anxiety transfers directly to babies</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why how you respond matters as much as when you respond</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Being responsive helps babies feel safe&mdash;but being over-responsive can stop them learning how to soothe themselves.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Research published in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0002038">Developmental Psychology</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">British Psychological Society (BPS)</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/10-things-every-parent-needs-to-know">10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know</a> &ndash;by Dr Justin Coulson</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="HappyFamilies.com.au">HappyFamilies.com.au</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Pause before responding&mdash;notice the level of distress</li>
<li aria-level="1">Respond quickly to real distress, not every murmur</li>
<li aria-level="1">Calm yourself first&mdash;your baby borrows your nervous system</li>
<li aria-level="1">Trust that small pauses can build self-soothing skills</li>
<li aria-level="1">Let go of &ldquo;perfect&rdquo; responses and aim for&nbsp;attuned ones</li>
</ul>

What Crying Babies Actually Need from Us

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/65fb4f7e-1503-4c00-897a-b3d600ce9e03/transcript

Resilience is Relational

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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