I've just finished reading a book and we're going to talk about that book today on the Happy Families Podcast. The book is called Mumming. It's by award winning podcast Victoria Vanstone, and we are going to get into a couple of bits that really reached out and grabbed me as I spoke with Victoria recently about her book, A Year of Trying and Failing to be a Better Parent. Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. Real parenting solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. Sometimes being a mum is just hard work. I would love to read so much stuff to you from this book, but I'm not going to. Instead, I'm going to ask Kylie, how do you like being a mum? Not a trick question. You looked at me like, didn't see that one coming. I didn't forewarn you.

I've just finished reading a book and we're going to talk about that book today on the Happy Families Podcast. The book is called Mumming. It's by award winning podcast Victoria Vanstone, and we are going to get into a couple of bits that really reached out and grabbed me as I spoke with Victoria recently about her book, A Year of Trying and Failing to be a Better Parent. Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. Real parenting solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. Sometimes being a mum is just hard work. I would love to read so much stuff to you from this book, but I'm not going to. Instead, I'm going to ask Kylie, how do you like being a mum? Not a trick question. You looked at me like, didn't see that one coming. I didn't forewarn you.

You didn't know.

You didn't know.

Been a trying couple of days in our home.

Been a trying couple of days in our home.

It has been a trying couple of days.

It has been a trying couple of days.

We are the parenting experts apparently, But so Mumming, A Year of Trying and failing to be a bit of parent by Victoria.

We are the parenting experts apparently, But so Mumming, A Year of Trying and failing to be a bit of parent by Victoria.

Vans Glad she only had a year of it. We're coming on twenty five, and I'm oh, well.

Vans Glad she only had a year of it. We're coming on twenty five, and I'm oh, well.

Oh well all right. So what we do most Wednesdays if I have great chats with people, is we play a sniffet just a preview of how wonderful my interview was. You and I talk about it, and then on Saturday we played the whole interview for you. That's what we're going to do today. Because Victoria was just a treat. She was such a delight to talk to. I was talking to her about the book, like why write a book about being a mum, And She's really clear, like, I don't really know who I am as a mum. It's really hard to be and I've just got three kids. So there's a lot going on in her home and her husband, poor John. She calls him just poor John because apparently she reckons she's a lot. And this is what she said about walking out who she is as she writes a book about being a mum.

Oh well all right. So what we do most Wednesdays if I have great chats with people, is we play a sniffet just a preview of how wonderful my interview was. You and I talk about it, and then on Saturday we played the whole interview for you. That's what we're going to do today. Because Victoria was just a treat. She was such a delight to talk to. I was talking to her about the book, like why write a book about being a mum, And She's really clear, like, I don't really know who I am as a mum. It's really hard to be and I've just got three kids. So there's a lot going on in her home and her husband, poor John. She calls him just poor John because apparently she reckons she's a lot. And this is what she said about walking out who she is as she writes a book about being a mum.

I find that we're living in a world where imperfection isn't accepted. And I've found that embracing my imperfections whilst writing and whilst being a mum has actually kind of been my superpower. As I've gone on along and learned who I am as a mother, because I do think it kind of takes some training to work out who I want to be and who I actually am. And I think there was a point very early in the book where I was shouting too much, and it's a trait that's carried on throughout my family. No, my mum shouted at me, and now I shout at my children, and I hear my mum's voice ricocheting around my house, and I realized that I didn't want to be that person. So this book is about that journey, about me trying to become the mum I thought I wanted to be. But actually it was so interesting writing it because I was trying to do better, But the point kind of got lost along the way because I didn't really get that much better. But that was okay.

I find that we're living in a world where imperfection isn't accepted. And I've found that embracing my imperfections whilst writing and whilst being a mum has actually kind of been my superpower. As I've gone on along and learned who I am as a mother, because I do think it kind of takes some training to work out who I want to be and who I actually am. And I think there was a point very early in the book where I was shouting too much, and it's a trait that's carried on throughout my family. No, my mum shouted at me, and now I shout at my children, and I hear my mum's voice ricocheting around my house, and I realized that I didn't want to be that person. So this book is about that journey, about me trying to become the mum I thought I wanted to be. But actually it was so interesting writing it because I was trying to do better, But the point kind of got lost along the way because I didn't really get that much better. But that was okay.

I love this idea of being able to embrace our shortcomings.

I love this idea of being able to embrace our shortcomings.

I think even if you're a shouting mum who swears a little bit too much.

I think even if you're a shouting mum who swears a little bit too much.

I think that there's so much perfectionism within society and this need to have the perfect life, the perfect family, and there's such a need to be seen to having the perfect family, the perfect children, the perfect husband, the perfect home. There's just so much perfectionism squashed into our lives. And I love how real she is and just acknowledging that once I'm able to embrace who I am, there's actually real power in that, because then I get to decide whether or not I like who I am, and I can actually act from a place of power.

I think that there's so much perfectionism within society and this need to have the perfect life, the perfect family, and there's such a need to be seen to having the perfect family, the perfect children, the perfect husband, the perfect home. There's just so much perfectionism squashed into our lives. And I love how real she is and just acknowledging that once I'm able to embrace who I am, there's actually real power in that, because then I get to decide whether or not I like who I am, and I can actually act from a place of power.

Identity is critically important. Victoria is remarkably self aware and extremely honest. I would say that she is extremely human. She's so human if I'm perfectly honest, I'm not into reading these kinds of parenting memoirs. I just it takes a lot to pull me in, and I read so many parenting books.

Identity is critically important. Victoria is remarkably self aware and extremely honest. I would say that she is extremely human. She's so human if I'm perfectly honest, I'm not into reading these kinds of parenting memoirs. I just it takes a lot to pull me in, and I read so many parenting books.

Now. I was pretty shocked when I saw it on your bedside.

Now. I was pretty shocked when I saw it on your bedside.

Yeah, and yet she says things like I haven't always been a shower. Before I had children, I had nothing to shout about, so perfect or she says deep inside me somewhere as the mother, I wanted to be the one that Niels holds shoulders, looks at children in the eyes and says softly, Now, Fred, we're on the same team. We can figure this out together. Let's go on a treasure hunt and find your mysterious lost shoe. I know she's there, but like the shoe, I can't find her. She's been replaced with the cheaper version, a worn out substitute. It wasn't meant to be like this, Mumming. I mean, that's so good. I just I'm getting goosebumps reading it. The prologue. It all started by the side of a road. She's six, she's in the UK. Her parents have taken the family on a holiday to France where they go camping. They fill up the car, they forget that the kids aren't in the back, and they drive off and leave them, and they are gone for an extended period of time, like a long time, no mobile phones, nothing, And she just says, I knew. I knew that, in spite of my parents obviously imperfection, that they were going to come back for me. I knew they'd come back. I'm getting weepy just talking about it, because that's what parents do. And reading this book, Mumming year of trying and failing to be a better parent, it highlights that as long as you're trying, you're not actually failing.

Yeah, and yet she says things like I haven't always been a shower. Before I had children, I had nothing to shout about, so perfect or she says deep inside me somewhere as the mother, I wanted to be the one that Niels holds shoulders, looks at children in the eyes and says softly, Now, Fred, we're on the same team. We can figure this out together. Let's go on a treasure hunt and find your mysterious lost shoe. I know she's there, but like the shoe, I can't find her. She's been replaced with the cheaper version, a worn out substitute. It wasn't meant to be like this, Mumming. I mean, that's so good. I just I'm getting goosebumps reading it. The prologue. It all started by the side of a road. She's six, she's in the UK. Her parents have taken the family on a holiday to France where they go camping. They fill up the car, they forget that the kids aren't in the back, and they drive off and leave them, and they are gone for an extended period of time, like a long time, no mobile phones, nothing, And she just says, I knew. I knew that, in spite of my parents obviously imperfection, that they were going to come back for me. I knew they'd come back. I'm getting weepy just talking about it, because that's what parents do. And reading this book, Mumming year of trying and failing to be a better parent, it highlights that as long as you're trying, you're not actually failing.

I remember a conversation I had with our family doctor back when one of our children was diagnosed with the most severe dust allergy that I've ever heard of, And as a parent at the time, I was thinking, I got to put her in a bubble, like, I don't know how to do this. There is dust everywhere, literally, like our entire environment. No matter how much I keep this clean, she's surrounded by it. And he looked at me and he just said, Kylie, He said, you will do more damage to your child if you spend all your time being so anxious about making sure she has a dust free environment than just acknowledging that it's there and you are going to do the best you can, but at the end of the day, you can't remove it.

I remember a conversation I had with our family doctor back when one of our children was diagnosed with the most severe dust allergy that I've ever heard of, And as a parent at the time, I was thinking, I got to put her in a bubble, like, I don't know how to do this. There is dust everywhere, literally, like our entire environment. No matter how much I keep this clean, she's surrounded by it. And he looked at me and he just said, Kylie, He said, you will do more damage to your child if you spend all your time being so anxious about making sure she has a dust free environment than just acknowledging that it's there and you are going to do the best you can, but at the end of the day, you can't remove it.

After the break, a heart stopping moment literally that almost led to one of Victoria's children not being with us anymore. She tells the story so sublimely well, and it is. It's one of those earth shattering moments. It happened while she was writing the book, so it went into the book. I can't wait to share with you what she had to say about that.

After the break, a heart stopping moment literally that almost led to one of Victoria's children not being with us anymore. She tells the story so sublimely well, and it is. It's one of those earth shattering moments. It happened while she was writing the book, so it went into the book. I can't wait to share with you what she had to say about that.

It.

It.

Okay, this one's pretty hard to listen to. But when I was talking to Victoria Vanstone about her book Mumming A year of trying and failing, to be a better parent. She wrote this, and I'm just going to read like a page page in a half. Then I want to play to you what she had to say about it. She says, June, We're in a camp of van on a road trip in Perth when the worst day of our lives unfolds. His lips are blue. He's not breathing. After a picnic on a quiet beach, the kids scare a lolly each as a treat. I thought nothing of it. I hand them in the packet and strap them into their car seats. I get in the front seat. John starts the engine and we pull away. The next sound is not a sound any mother should ever hear, the sound of their child unable to get errand of their lungs. I turn around to see Fred mouth wide open, gasping for air. Stop the car. I owner my seat belt and lurch into the back to un do his seat belt and pull him upward into my arms. He's choking John. I turn him upside down and hit his back. Do a Heimlich maneuver, but nothing comes out. John pulls up the handbrake and climbs into the back of the camp of van. I'm thumping Fred's back, but his body is floppy, hanging over my forearms, lifeless like a rag doll. He can't breathe, it's not working. Give him to me. Our eyes meet as I hand him over. We both know our son is dying. Run out onto the street and shout for help. Run go now. I watch my husband fold Fred's limp little body over his lap and bang his back. I don't look for my phone no time. I'm moving towards the door. I can't reach the hand or quick enough. I burst through the side door of the van into the sunlight and find myself on an empty street in the town of Geraldson. Noise is coming from me, but it isn't talking or shouting. A rough, rasping cry for help heaves its way up and out of my mouth. Terrifying, terrifying. She goes on to talk about what happens and how he does survive. Here's what she said about love, loss, life, and not being able to control everything.

Okay, this one's pretty hard to listen to. But when I was talking to Victoria Vanstone about her book Mumming A year of trying and failing, to be a better parent. She wrote this, and I'm just going to read like a page page in a half. Then I want to play to you what she had to say about it. She says, June, We're in a camp of van on a road trip in Perth when the worst day of our lives unfolds. His lips are blue. He's not breathing. After a picnic on a quiet beach, the kids scare a lolly each as a treat. I thought nothing of it. I hand them in the packet and strap them into their car seats. I get in the front seat. John starts the engine and we pull away. The next sound is not a sound any mother should ever hear, the sound of their child unable to get errand of their lungs. I turn around to see Fred mouth wide open, gasping for air. Stop the car. I owner my seat belt and lurch into the back to un do his seat belt and pull him upward into my arms. He's choking John. I turn him upside down and hit his back. Do a Heimlich maneuver, but nothing comes out. John pulls up the handbrake and climbs into the back of the camp of van. I'm thumping Fred's back, but his body is floppy, hanging over my forearms, lifeless like a rag doll. He can't breathe, it's not working. Give him to me. Our eyes meet as I hand him over. We both know our son is dying. Run out onto the street and shout for help. Run go now. I watch my husband fold Fred's limp little body over his lap and bang his back. I don't look for my phone no time. I'm moving towards the door. I can't reach the hand or quick enough. I burst through the side door of the van into the sunlight and find myself on an empty street in the town of Geraldson. Noise is coming from me, but it isn't talking or shouting. A rough, rasping cry for help heaves its way up and out of my mouth. Terrifying, terrifying. She goes on to talk about what happens and how he does survive. Here's what she said about love, loss, life, and not being able to control everything.

It is learning that my love means risking loss. I think, I think that is part of having children, and I never realized that before I had children. I thought, well, you have them, and they grow up and you teach them and you hope for a good life, and you, you know, teach them to be good or bad and what's right and wrong. And then there's some things you can't control. And I think that's what it's taught me, is that I can't control everything, and there's points where you have to try and let them go a little bit, and you have to stretch that umbilical cord much further than you wish to, and that is really confronting and happens in different stages throughout parenting. For me, it's happening now because I've got a thirteen year old son who wants to go to the plaza on his own, and they're always I'm always being stretched and tested as a mum, and it's me trying to learn how to accept those stretches and step into them without fear, which for me sometimes takes some therapy. I'm going to be one hundred percent honest with you.

It is learning that my love means risking loss. I think, I think that is part of having children, and I never realized that before I had children. I thought, well, you have them, and they grow up and you teach them and you hope for a good life, and you, you know, teach them to be good or bad and what's right and wrong. And then there's some things you can't control. And I think that's what it's taught me, is that I can't control everything, and there's points where you have to try and let them go a little bit, and you have to stretch that umbilical cord much further than you wish to, and that is really confronting and happens in different stages throughout parenting. For me, it's happening now because I've got a thirteen year old son who wants to go to the plaza on his own, and they're always I'm always being stretched and tested as a mum, and it's me trying to learn how to accept those stretches and step into them without fear, which for me sometimes takes some therapy. I'm going to be one hundred percent honest with you.

I didn't think i'd say this, but I really want to read the book now. She's got me cooked. This idea that love means risking loss is so profound in a totally different way watching one of our children navigate dating, and that she's so scared to let herself actually open her heart up because she might get hurt.

I didn't think i'd say this, but I really want to read the book now. She's got me cooked. This idea that love means risking loss is so profound in a totally different way watching one of our children navigate dating, and that she's so scared to let herself actually open her heart up because she might get hurt.

I'm guaranteed when you're a teenager.

I'm guaranteed when you're a teenager.

Yeah, And it's the same kind of thing, right, You can't you can't have one without the other. And the idea that we are going to love so fiercely. We're going to love so fiercely these little human beings that come into our lives and at some point they're either going to make decisions we don't want them to make, or they're going to fly the coop and end up on the other side of the world and we don't get to see them every day, or tragedy hits and they're not in our lives in the way we'd like them to be. It's inhabitable that we will experience a sense of loss if we're open to loving.

Yeah, And it's the same kind of thing, right, You can't you can't have one without the other. And the idea that we are going to love so fiercely. We're going to love so fiercely these little human beings that come into our lives and at some point they're either going to make decisions we don't want them to make, or they're going to fly the coop and end up on the other side of the world and we don't get to see them every day, or tragedy hits and they're not in our lives in the way we'd like them to be. It's inhabitable that we will experience a sense of loss if we're open to loving.

Yeah, it's a wonderfully human book. It's just a delightful read. The book is called Mumming. It's by Victoria Vanstone. We will link to it in the show notes. Just a quick language warning for those who have sensitive is there's a couple of moments to bleep out there. But what a delightful book. I'm so glad that I love a good memoir. And it really was a delightfully funny and beautifully embracing memoir. Victoria Vanstone mumming. Details for the book are in the show notes, and if you want to hear the full conversation with Victoria, tune in on the weekend. We're going to drop the full interview on Saturday. The Happy Famili's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland for Bridge Media. More information and resources to make your family happier, you'll find it at happy families dot com. Dol A

Yeah, it's a wonderfully human book. It's just a delightful read. The book is called Mumming. It's by Victoria Vanstone. We will link to it in the show notes. Just a quick language warning for those who have sensitive is there's a couple of moments to bleep out there. But what a delightful book. I'm so glad that I love a good memoir. And it really was a delightfully funny and beautifully embracing memoir. Victoria Vanstone mumming. Details for the book are in the show notes, and if you want to hear the full conversation with Victoria, tune in on the weekend. We're going to drop the full interview on Saturday. The Happy Famili's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland for Bridge Media. More information and resources to make your family happier, you'll find it at happy families dot com. Dol A