Should we be making our children apologise when they do the wrong thing? What does a sincere apology look like?

In this episode:
Parental Guidance (S1): “Forcing children to apologise is teaching children to lie”
Victim mentality
People pleasing
Ruptured relationships
The Parenting Revolution, by Dr Justin Coulson
Motivation Continuum - extrinsic, introjected, identified, integrated, intrinsic
Is It Wrong to Tell Kids to Apologize? | The Atlantic
Theory of Mind
Why do children apologise under coercion?
Feeling seen, heard, and valued
Repairing relationships
Why don't kids want to apologise?
4 components of a sincere apology

Related links: 
Should we Force our Children to Say 'Sorry'
Carrots & Sticks: How Rewards and Punishments Hurt Our Kids, and What to do Instead [Webinar]

Doors are now open to the Happy Families Membership 

NEW weekly kids’ ‘Print & Play’ subscription FELT (Fostering Emotional Learning Together)

Find us on Facebook or TikTok

Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter

Should we be making our children apologise when they do the wrong thing? What does a sincere apology look like?
In this episode:
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.9now.com.au/parental-guidance/season-1">Parental Guidance (S1)</a>: &ldquo;Forcing children to apologise is teaching children to lie&rdquo;</li>
<li>Victim mentality</li>
<li>People pleasing</li>
<li>Ruptured relationships</li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/the-parenting-revolution">The Parenting Revolution</a>, by Dr Justin Coulson</li>
<li>Motivation Continuum - extrinsic, introjected, identified, integrated, intrinsic</li>
<li><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2024/05/should-kids-apologize-parenting-debate/678294/">Is It Wrong to Tell Kids to Apologize? | The Atlantic</a></li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/developmental-milestones-part-3-preschool">Theory of Mind</a></li>
<li>Why do children apologise under coercion?</li>
<li>Feeling seen, heard, and valued</li>
<li>Repairing relationships</li>
<li>Why don't kids want to apologise?</li>
<li>4 components of a sincere apology</li>
</ul>
Related links:&nbsp;
<ul>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/should-we-force-our-children-to-say-sorry">Should we Force our Children to Say 'Sorry'</a></li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/carrots-sticks">Carrots &amp; Sticks: How Rewards and Punishments Hurt Our Kids, and What to do Instead [Webinar]</a></li>
</ul>
Doors are now open to the <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/membership">Happy Families Membership</a>&nbsp;
NEW weekly kids&rsquo; &lsquo;Print &amp; Play&rsquo; subscription <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/felt-subscription">FELT</a> (Fostering Emotional Learning Together)
Find us on<a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au/"> Facebook</a> or <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@happyfamiliesau">TikTok</a>
Subscribe to the Happy Families&nbsp;<a href="https://happyfamiliesfamilyeducation.activehosted.com/f/40">newsletter</a>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#1226 - Forcing Kids To Apologise (R)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/e9c0e719-1b44-45ae-8264-b2b8008d584a/transcript

A 13-year Australian study's findings are shaking the medical world. Children on ADHD medication reported lower quality of life than those who weren’t medicated. In this eye-opening episode, Justin unpacks why the “gold standard” research behind ADHD treatment might have been flawed all along — and what this means for families trying to do what’s best for their kids.

This one might make you rethink everything you’ve been told.

 KEY POINTS
The shocking Deakin University study on ADHD medication and child wellbeing.
Why “the gold standard” MTA study may have misled the world for decades.
How peer review can fail — and how Big Pharma shapes the story.
What long-term follow-ups reveal about medication outcomes.
Why your child isn’t the problem — and what really needs to change instead.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Your child doesn’t have a problem. Thinking your child is the problem is often the bigger problem.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
MTA Study (Multimodal Treatment of ADHD) and 3-year follow-up research.
Deakin University longitudinal study on ADHD medication and quality of life.
The Parenting Revolution by Dr Justin Coulson.
Parenting ADHD [The Course] + Course FAQs
[Article] Help for the Parent with ADHD

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Don’t make changes overnight — start by reading the linked studies.
Talk to your child’s GP, psychologist, or psychiatrist about alternative supports.
Focus on your child’s environment, not just their behaviour.
Trust your gut — if something doesn’t feel right, it’s worth exploring.
Remember: grace for your child, yourself, and your professionals.

A 13-year Australian study's findings are shaking the medical world. Children on ADHD medication reported lower quality of life than those who weren&rsquo;t medicated. In this eye-opening episode, Justin unpacks why the &ldquo;gold standard&rdquo; research behind ADHD treatment might have been flawed all along &mdash; and what this means for families trying to do what&rsquo;s best for their kids.
This one might make you rethink everything you&rsquo;ve been told.
&nbsp;KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li>The shocking Deakin University study on ADHD medication and child wellbeing.</li>
<li>Why &ldquo;the gold standard&rdquo; MTA study may have misled the world for decades.</li>
<li>How peer review can fail &mdash; and how Big Pharma shapes the story.</li>
<li>What long-term follow-ups reveal about medication outcomes.</li>
<li>Why your child isn&rsquo;t the problem &mdash; and what really needs to change instead.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Your child doesn&rsquo;t have a problem. Thinking your child is the problem is often the bigger problem.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.nimh.nih.gov/funding/clinical-research/practical/mta/multimodal-treatment-of-attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-mta-study">MTA Study</a> (Multimodal Treatment of ADHD) and <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17667478/">3-year follow-up research</a>.</li>
<li><a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/10870547251353366">Deakin University longitudinal study </a>on ADHD medication and quality of life.</li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/the-parenting-revolution">The Parenting Revolution</a> by Dr Justin Coulson.</li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/parenting-adhd-the-course">Parenting ADHD [The Course]</a> + Course <a href="https://happyfamiliesfamilyeducation.ac-page.com/adhd-course-faqs">FAQs</a></li>
<li>[Article] <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/help-for-the-adhd-parent">Help for the Parent with ADHD</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li>Don&rsquo;t make changes overnight &mdash; start by reading the linked studies.</li>
<li>Talk to your child&rsquo;s GP, psychologist, or psychiatrist about alternative supports.</li>
<li>Focus on your child&rsquo;s environment, not just their behaviour.</li>
<li>Trust your gut &mdash; if something doesn&rsquo;t feel right, it&rsquo;s worth exploring.</li>
<li>Remember: grace for your child, yourself, and your professionals.</li>
</ol>

Rethinking ADHD: Why Medication Isn’t the Magic Fix [R]

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/e7e95b43-df28-4c05-812b-b41900ac48b4/transcript

Why can’t kids just calm down? Here’s the truth: they’re not supposed to. Expecting children to manage their emotions alone is like expecting them to drive a car before they’ve learned to walk. In this episode, Justin and Kylie bust the biggest parenting myth about big feelings — and share 3 powerful, science-backed strategies you can use in the heat of the moment to help your child ride the emotional waves.

KEY POINTS
Kids’ brains are on “L-plates” when it comes to emotion regulation — it’s a developmental process.
Big feelings are normal, not a sign of “bad behaviour.”
Three strategies parents can use:
Distraction – helps reset the nervous system.
Co-regulation – lending your calm to your child.
Pause problem-solving – wait until emotions settle before teaching or fixing.
Parents often feel judged when meltdowns happen in public — but compassion (for ourselves and our kids) is the game-changer.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
 “No one can think clearly in a fire drill — and that’s exactly what trying to reason with a child mid-meltdown is like.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Happy Families resources for parenting strategies & support
Little People, Big Feelings Summit

Why can&rsquo;t kids just calm down? Here&rsquo;s the truth: they&rsquo;re not supposed to. Expecting children to manage their emotions alone is like expecting them to drive a car before they&rsquo;ve learned to walk. In this episode, Justin and Kylie bust the biggest parenting myth about big feelings &mdash; and share 3 powerful, science-backed strategies you can use in the heat of the moment to help your child ride the emotional waves.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Kids&rsquo; brains are on &ldquo;L-plates&rdquo; when it comes to emotion regulation &mdash; it&rsquo;s a developmental process.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Big feelings are normal, not a sign of &ldquo;bad behaviour.&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">Three strategies parents can use:</li>
<ol>
<li aria-level="2">Distraction &ndash; helps reset the nervous system.</li>
<li aria-level="2">Co-regulation &ndash; lending your calm to your child.</li>
<li aria-level="2">Pause problem-solving &ndash; wait until emotions settle before teaching or fixing.</li>
</ol>
<li aria-level="1">Parents often feel judged when meltdowns happen in public &mdash; but compassion (for ourselves and our kids) is the game-changer.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE &ldquo;No one can think clearly in a fire drill &mdash; and that&rsquo;s exactly what trying to reason with a child mid-meltdown is like.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Happy Families resources for parenting strategies &amp; support</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/the-little-people-big-feelings-summit">Little People, Big Feelings Summit</a></li>
</ul>

Helping Kids Manage Big Feelings [R]

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/bd41cd20-8c24-4f7c-9ebd-b41900ac281f/transcript

Nine hours a day. That’s how long Aussie teens are spending on recreational screens. But what does this mean for their development—and should parents panic? In this confronting but practical conversation, Dr Justin Coulson is joined by Dr Brad Marshall, clinical psychologist and researcher, to unpack Australia’s biggest study to date on screen overuse and gaming disorder in kids. Together, they explore what the data shows, what it means for families, and what you should (and shouldn’t!) do if screen use has taken over your home.

KEY POINTS
New research shows 9 hours/day of screen time for high schoolers and 6 for primary kids—just for fun, not school.
Around 5% of kids show signs of clinical or subclinical gaming disorder. 10% show signs of smartphone addiction.
Significant developmental impacts were found across emotional, behavioural, educational, and physical domains.
These issues start in primary school, not just during adolescence.
It's not about banning screens but about helping parents set and enforce realistic, healthy limits.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE


"If your child is in a sleep deficit because they’re on screens at night, that snowballs into everything else." – Dr Brad Marshall

RESOURCES MENTIONED
The new Macquarie University study on screen overuse
Brad’s Developmental Impact Questionnaire
Happy Families podcast archive
Brad Marshall’s organisation: Control Shift

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Don’t attack the tech. Avoid saying things like “that game is rotting your brain.” It shuts down connection.
Don’t allow screens in bedrooms at night. Sleep loss is a key trigger for wider issues.
Don’t argue in the heat of the moment. Have the “screen talk” when everyone’s calm.
Get curious about impacts. Use tools like the Developmental Impact Questionnaire to understand your child’s experience.
Pick your battles. Focus on habits and boundaries, not just hours.

Nine hours a day. That&rsquo;s how long Aussie teens are spending on recreational screens. But what does this mean for their development&mdash;and should parents panic? In this confronting but practical conversation, Dr Justin Coulson is joined by Dr Brad Marshall, clinical psychologist and researcher, to unpack Australia&rsquo;s biggest study to date on screen overuse and gaming disorder in kids. Together, they explore what the data shows, what it means for families, and what you should (and shouldn&rsquo;t!) do if screen use has taken over your home.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">New research shows 9 hours/day of screen time for high schoolers and 6 for primary kids&mdash;just for fun, not school.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Around 5% of kids show signs of clinical or subclinical gaming disorder. 10% show signs of smartphone addiction.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Significant developmental impacts were found across emotional, behavioural, educational, and physical domains.</li>
<li aria-level="1">These issues start in primary school, not just during adolescence.</li>
<li aria-level="1">It's not about banning screens but about helping parents set and enforce realistic, healthy limits.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE 
<blockquote>
"If your child is in a sleep deficit because they&rsquo;re on screens at night, that snowballs into everything else." &ndash; Dr Brad Marshall
</blockquote>
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">The <a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-025-07975-whttp://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-025-07975-w">new Macquarie University </a><a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-025-07975-w">study</a> on screen overuse</li>
<li aria-level="1">Brad&rsquo;s Developmental Impact Questionnaire</li>
<li aria-level="1">Happy Families <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/?s=gaming&amp;bp_search=1&amp;view=content">podcast archive</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">Brad Marshall&rsquo;s organisation: <a href="https://www.ctrlshft.global/">Control Shift</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Don&rsquo;t attack the tech. Avoid saying things like &ldquo;that game is rotting your brain.&rdquo; It shuts down connection.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Don&rsquo;t allow screens in bedrooms at night. Sleep loss is a key trigger for wider issues.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Don&rsquo;t argue in the heat of the moment. Have the &ldquo;screen talk&rdquo; when everyone&rsquo;s calm.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Get curious about impacts. Use tools like the Developmental Impact Questionnaire to understand your child&rsquo;s experience.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Pick your battles. Focus on habits and boundaries, not just hours.</li>
</ol>

Has Screen Use Crossed the Line? (with Brad Marshall) [R]

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/4cf25a5c-47ce-42cd-8fd9-b41900abe657/transcript

#1226 - Forcing Kids To Apologise (R)

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