Should we be making our children apologise when they do the wrong thing? What does a sincere apology look like?

In this episode:
Parental Guidance (S1): “Forcing children to apologise is teaching children to lie”
Victim mentality
People pleasing
Ruptured relationships
The Parenting Revolution, by Dr Justin Coulson
Motivation Continuum - extrinsic, introjected, identified, integrated, intrinsic
Is It Wrong to Tell Kids to Apologize? | The Atlantic
Theory of Mind
Why do children apologise under coercion?
Feeling seen, heard, and valued
Repairing relationships
Why don't kids want to apologise?
4 components of a sincere apology

Related links: 
Should we Force our Children to Say 'Sorry'
Carrots & Sticks: How Rewards and Punishments Hurt Our Kids, and What to do Instead [Webinar]

Doors are now open to the Happy Families Membership 

NEW weekly kids’ ‘Print & Play’ subscription FELT (Fostering Emotional Learning Together)

Find us on Facebook or TikTok

Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter

Should we be making our children apologise when they do the wrong thing? What does a sincere apology look like?
In this episode:
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.9now.com.au/parental-guidance/season-1">Parental Guidance (S1)</a>: &ldquo;Forcing children to apologise is teaching children to lie&rdquo;</li>
<li>Victim mentality</li>
<li>People pleasing</li>
<li>Ruptured relationships</li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/the-parenting-revolution">The Parenting Revolution</a>, by Dr Justin Coulson</li>
<li>Motivation Continuum - extrinsic, introjected, identified, integrated, intrinsic</li>
<li><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2024/05/should-kids-apologize-parenting-debate/678294/">Is It Wrong to Tell Kids to Apologize? | The Atlantic</a></li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/developmental-milestones-part-3-preschool">Theory of Mind</a></li>
<li>Why do children apologise under coercion?</li>
<li>Feeling seen, heard, and valued</li>
<li>Repairing relationships</li>
<li>Why don't kids want to apologise?</li>
<li>4 components of a sincere apology</li>
</ul>
Related links:&nbsp;
<ul>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/should-we-force-our-children-to-say-sorry">Should we Force our Children to Say 'Sorry'</a></li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/carrots-sticks">Carrots &amp; Sticks: How Rewards and Punishments Hurt Our Kids, and What to do Instead [Webinar]</a></li>
</ul>
Doors are now open to the <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/membership">Happy Families Membership</a>&nbsp;
NEW weekly kids&rsquo; &lsquo;Print &amp; Play&rsquo; subscription <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/felt-subscription">FELT</a> (Fostering Emotional Learning Together)
Find us on<a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au/"> Facebook</a> or <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@happyfamiliesau">TikTok</a>
Subscribe to the Happy Families&nbsp;<a href="https://happyfamiliesfamilyeducation.activehosted.com/f/40">newsletter</a>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#1226 - Forcing Kids To Apologise (R)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/e9c0e719-1b44-45ae-8264-b2b8008d584a/transcript

What if the thing your family needs most… isn’t more time - but better conversations?

In this episode, we reveal the one habit that keeps us aligned, connected, and actually moving forward - despite the chaos of raising six kids.

It’s simple. It’s structured. And almost no one does it.

If your family feels reactive, disconnected, or stuck in survival mode… this might be the reset you didn’t know you needed.

KEY POINTS
Why most families drift (and how to stop it)
The “quarterly reset” that changes everything
How to plan your family life like a thriving business
The power of stepping away to reconnect properly
What to actually talk about (so it’s not just another chat)
Balancing deep conversations with fun so it actually works
Turning vague goals into real, actionable plans
Why weekly check-ins make the biggest difference long-term

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“If your family is the most important thing in your life… when was the last time you made a plan for it?”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Quarterly getaways / family planning sessions
Weekly couple check-ins
Goal setting (annual, quarterly, weekly rhythm)

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Block out time (a day or weekend) with your partner—no distractions
Start with a full “life map” (kids, health, finances, routines, relationships)
Choose 2–3 focus words for the season ahead
Break big goals into specific, practical actions
Schedule your next check-in before you finish
Commit to a simple weekly alignment conversation

What if the thing your family needs most&hellip; isn&rsquo;t more time - but better conversations?
In this episode, we reveal the one habit that keeps us aligned, connected, and actually moving forward - despite the chaos of raising six kids.
It&rsquo;s simple. It&rsquo;s structured. And almost no one does it.
If your family feels reactive, disconnected, or stuck in survival mode&hellip; this might be the reset you didn&rsquo;t know you needed.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why most families drift (and how to stop it)</li>
<li aria-level="1">The &ldquo;quarterly reset&rdquo; that changes everything</li>
<li aria-level="1">How to plan your family life like a thriving business</li>
<li aria-level="1">The power of stepping away to reconnect properly</li>
<li aria-level="1">What to actually talk about (so it&rsquo;s not just another chat)</li>
<li aria-level="1">Balancing deep conversations with fun so it actually works</li>
<li aria-level="1">Turning vague goals into real, actionable plans</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why weekly check-ins make the biggest difference long-term</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;If your family is the most important thing in your life&hellip; when was the last time you made a plan for it?&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Quarterly getaways / family planning sessions</li>
<li aria-level="1">Weekly couple check-ins</li>
<li aria-level="1">Goal setting (annual, quarterly, weekly rhythm)</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Block out time (a day or weekend) with your partner&mdash;no distractions</li>
<li aria-level="1">Start with a full &ldquo;life map&rdquo; (kids, health, finances, routines, relationships)</li>
<li aria-level="1">Choose 2&ndash;3 focus words for the season ahead</li>
<li aria-level="1">Break big goals into specific, practical actions</li>
<li aria-level="1">Schedule your next check-in before you finish</li>
<li aria-level="1">Commit to a simple weekly alignment conversation</li>
</ul>

Why Most Families Feel Stuck and How to Fix It

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/f60c1bd6-e348-45df-b073-b40200922cff/transcript

What really keeps a marriage strong after nearly three decades?

In this honest, funny, and surprisingly emotional anniversary episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the real lessons behind a lasting relationship—beyond the clichés.

From choosing each other daily to letting go of the need to be right, this episode reveals the small mindset shifts that make the biggest difference.

Plus… Kylie shares her very simple (and slightly controversial) formula for a happy marriage.

KEY POINTS
Why love is a daily choice—not just a feeling
The truth about trying to change your partner
How your frustrations say more about you than them
Why “winning” arguments can cost your relationship
The simple habits that keep connection alive over time

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Don’t choose being right over being connected.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
The idea that 80% of what annoys you about your partner will never change
Relationship insight from Professor H. Wallace Goddard

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Choose your partner—intentionally—every single day
Swap criticism for gratitude (focus on the 80%)
Pause before reacting: “Is this my issue or theirs?”
Prioritise connection over winning small arguments
Schedule regular, simple time together (even 20 minutes counts)

What really keeps a marriage strong after nearly three decades?
In this honest, funny, and surprisingly emotional anniversary episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the real lessons behind a lasting relationship&mdash;beyond the clich&eacute;s.
From choosing each other daily to letting go of the need to be right, this episode reveals the small mindset shifts that make the biggest difference.
Plus&hellip; Kylie shares her very simple (and slightly controversial) formula for a happy marriage.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why love is a daily choice&mdash;not just a feeling</li>
<li aria-level="1">The truth about trying to change your partner</li>
<li aria-level="1">How your frustrations say more about you than them</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why &ldquo;winning&rdquo; arguments can cost your relationship</li>
<li aria-level="1">The simple habits that keep connection alive over time</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Don&rsquo;t choose being right over being connected.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">The idea that 80% of what annoys you about your partner will never change</li>
<li aria-level="1">Relationship insight from Professor H. Wallace Goddard</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Choose your partner&mdash;intentionally&mdash;every single day</li>
<li aria-level="1">Swap criticism for gratitude (focus on the 80%)</li>
<li aria-level="1">Pause before reacting: &ldquo;Is this my issue or theirs?&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">Prioritise connection over winning small arguments</li>
<li aria-level="1">Schedule regular, simple time together (even 20 minutes counts)</li>
</ul>

Justin & Kylie's 28th Anniversary

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/a67eb3b4-041d-4337-a0ba-b4020091ed60/transcript

What happens in the moment a child finally says something is wrong?

For many children experiencing abuse, it takes years to speak up - if they ever do. And when they finally tell someone, the response they receive can shape the rest of their healing.

In this powerful conversation, Dr Justin Coulson speaks with body-safety educator and survivor John Cardamone about what children actually need to feel safe enough to disclose abuse - and the critical mistakes adults often make in the first moments after a child tells them.

John shares his own experience of abuse as a child, the two years it took him to speak up, and the simple but life-changing framework every parent should know if a child ever confides in them.

This is a difficult topic - but one every parent needs to understand.

KEY POINTS
Most children who experience sexual abuse know the person involved.
Many children try to disclose through behaviour before words.
Kids are far more likely to speak up when they feel safe, connected, and heard in everyday moments.
The way parents respond to small problems trains children whether it’s safe to share bigger ones.
Traditional “stranger danger” messaging can miss the reality that abuse is usually committed by someone known to the child.
Body safety education should be ongoing, simple, and part of everyday conversation.
A parent’s first response to a disclosure can either start the healing process or deepen the trauma.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“The way you respond to a disclosure can either start the healing process… or prolong the trauma.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Website: johncardamone.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Create safety in everyday moments. How you respond to spilled milk, mistakes, or bad behaviour teaches children whether it’s safe to talk to you.
Talk about body safety regularly.  Make it an ongoing conversation rather than a single serious talk.
 Focus on “strange behaviours,” not just strangers. Most abuse happens with someone the child knows.
If a child discloses something difficult, stay calm. Children mirror the emotional reactions of adults.
 Follow the “BeCalmer” approach.
Be calm
Believe them
Acknowledge what they said
Validate their feelings

 

What happens in the moment a child finally says something is wrong?
For many children experiencing abuse, it takes years to speak up - if they ever do. And when they finally tell someone, the response they receive can shape the rest of their healing.
In this powerful conversation, Dr Justin Coulson speaks with body-safety educator and survivor John Cardamone about what children actually need to feel safe enough to disclose abuse - and the critical mistakes adults often make in the first moments after a child tells them.
John shares his own experience of abuse as a child, the two years it took him to speak up, and the simple but life-changing framework every parent should know if a child ever confides in them.
This is a difficult topic - but one every parent needs to understand.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Most children who experience sexual abuse know the person involved.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Many children try to disclose through behaviour before words.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Kids are far more likely to speak up when they feel safe, connected, and heard in everyday moments.</li>
<li aria-level="1">The way parents respond to small problems trains children whether it&rsquo;s safe to share bigger ones.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Traditional &ldquo;stranger danger&rdquo; messaging can miss the reality that abuse is usually committed by someone known to the child.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Body safety education should be ongoing, simple, and part of everyday conversation.</li>
<li aria-level="1">A parent&rsquo;s first response to a disclosure can either start the healing process or deepen the trauma.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;The way you respond to a disclosure can either start the healing process&hellip; or prolong the trauma.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Website:<a href="https://www.johncardamone.com.au"> johncardamone.com.au</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li>Create safety in everyday moments. How you respond to spilled milk, mistakes, or bad behaviour teaches children whether it&rsquo;s safe to talk to you.</li>
<li>Talk about body safety regularly.&nbsp; Make it an ongoing conversation rather than a single serious talk.</li>
<li> Focus on &ldquo;strange behaviours,&rdquo; not just strangers. Most abuse happens with someone the child knows.</li>
<li>If a child discloses something difficult, stay calm. Children mirror the emotional reactions of adults.</li>
<li> Follow the &ldquo;BeCalmer&rdquo; approach.</li>
</ol>
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Be calm</li>
<li aria-level="1">Believe them</li>
<li aria-level="1">Acknowledge what they said</li>
<li aria-level="1">Validate their feelings</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;

Responding to Your Child About Body Safety (John Cardamone)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/4186b2bd-9ce7-493c-89da-b4020091203d/transcript

#1226 - Forcing Kids To Apologise (R)

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