Should we be making our children apologise when they do the wrong thing? What does a sincere apology look like?

In this episode:
Parental Guidance (S1): “Forcing children to apologise is teaching children to lie”
Victim mentality
People pleasing
Ruptured relationships
The Parenting Revolution, by Dr Justin Coulson
Motivation Continuum - extrinsic, introjected, identified, integrated, intrinsic
Is It Wrong to Tell Kids to Apologize? | The Atlantic
Theory of Mind
Why do children apologise under coercion?
Feeling seen, heard, and valued
Repairing relationships
Why don't kids want to apologise?
4 components of a sincere apology

Related links: 
Should we Force our Children to Say 'Sorry'
Carrots & Sticks: How Rewards and Punishments Hurt Our Kids, and What to do Instead [Webinar]

Doors are now open to the Happy Families Membership

NEW weekly kids’ ‘Print & Play’ subscription FELT (Fostering Emotional Learning Together)

Find us on Facebook or TikTok

Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter

Should we be making our children apologise when they do the wrong thing? What does a sincere apology look like?
In this episode:
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.9now.com.au/parental-guidance/season-1">Parental Guidance (S1)</a>: “Forcing children to apologise is teaching children to lie”</li>
<li>Victim mentality</li>
<li>People pleasing</li>
<li>Ruptured relationships</li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/the-parenting-revolution">The Parenting Revolution</a>, by Dr Justin Coulson</li>
<li>Motivation Continuum - extrinsic, introjected, identified, integrated, intrinsic</li>
<li><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2024/05/should-kids-apologize-parenting-debate/678294/">Is It Wrong to Tell Kids to Apologize? | The Atlantic</a></li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/developmental-milestones-part-3-preschool">Theory of Mind</a></li>
<li>Why do children apologise under coercion?</li>
<li>Feeling seen, heard, and valued</li>
<li>Repairing relationships</li>
<li>Why don't kids want to apologise?</li>
<li>4 components of a sincere apology</li>
</ul>
Related links: 
<ul>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/should-we-force-our-children-to-say-sorry">Should we Force our Children to Say 'Sorry'</a></li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/carrots-sticks">Carrots &amp; Sticks: How Rewards and Punishments Hurt Our Kids, and What to do Instead [Webinar]</a></li>
</ul>
Doors are now open to the <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/membership">Happy Families Membership</a> 
NEW weekly kids’ ‘Print &amp; Play’ subscription <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/felt-subscription">FELT</a> (Fostering Emotional Learning Together)
Find us on<a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au/"> Facebook</a> or <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@happyfamiliesau">TikTok</a>
Subscribe to the Happy Families <a href="https://happyfamiliesfamilyeducation.activehosted.com/f/40">newsletter</a>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#1043 - Forcing Kids to Apologise

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/153877e7-f3d7-4c88-8ef2-b1b700c411e4/transcript

Nine hours a day. That’s how long Aussie teens are spending on recreational screens. But what does this mean for their development—and should parents panic? In this confronting but practical conversation, Dr Justin Coulson is joined by Dr Brad Marshall, clinical psychologist and researcher, to unpack Australia’s biggest study to date on screen overuse and gaming disorder in kids. Together, they explore what the data shows, what it means for families, and what you should (and shouldn’t!) do if screen use has taken over your home.

KEY POINTS
New research shows 9 hours/day of screen time for high schoolers and 6 for primary kids—just for fun, not school.
Around 5% of kids show signs of clinical or subclinical gaming disorder. 10% show signs of smartphone addiction.
Significant developmental impacts were found across emotional, behavioural, educational, and physical domains.
These issues start in primary school, not just during adolescence.
It's not about banning screens but about helping parents set and enforce realistic, healthy limits.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE


"If your child is in a sleep deficit because they’re on screens at night, that snowballs into everything else." – Dr Brad Marshall

RESOURCES MENTIONED
The new Macquarie University study on screen overuse
Brad’s Developmental Impact Questionnaire
Happy Families podcast archive
Brad Marshall’s organisation: Control Shift

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Don’t attack the tech. Avoid saying things like “that game is rotting your brain.” It shuts down connection.
Don’t allow screens in bedrooms at night. Sleep loss is a key trigger for wider issues.
Don’t argue in the heat of the moment. Have the “screen talk” when everyone’s calm.
Get curious about impacts. Use tools like the Developmental Impact Questionnaire to understand your child’s experience.
Pick your battles. Focus on habits and boundaries, not just hours.

Nine hours a day. That&rsquo;s how long Aussie teens are spending on recreational screens. But what does this mean for their development&mdash;and should parents panic? In this confronting but practical conversation, Dr Justin Coulson is joined by Dr Brad Marshall, clinical psychologist and researcher, to unpack Australia&rsquo;s biggest study to date on screen overuse and gaming disorder in kids. Together, they explore what the data shows, what it means for families, and what you should (and shouldn&rsquo;t!) do if screen use has taken over your home.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">New research shows 9 hours/day of screen time for high schoolers and 6 for primary kids&mdash;just for fun, not school.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Around 5% of kids show signs of clinical or subclinical gaming disorder. 10% show signs of smartphone addiction.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Significant developmental impacts were found across emotional, behavioural, educational, and physical domains.</li>
<li aria-level="1">These issues start in primary school, not just during adolescence.</li>
<li aria-level="1">It's not about banning screens but about helping parents set and enforce realistic, healthy limits.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE 
<blockquote>
"If your child is in a sleep deficit because they&rsquo;re on screens at night, that snowballs into everything else." &ndash; Dr Brad Marshall
</blockquote>
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">The <a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-025-07975-whttp://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-025-07975-w">new Macquarie University </a><a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-025-07975-w">study</a> on screen overuse</li>
<li aria-level="1">Brad&rsquo;s Developmental Impact Questionnaire</li>
<li aria-level="1">Happy Families <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/?s=gaming&amp;bp_search=1&amp;view=content">podcast archive</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">Brad Marshall&rsquo;s organisation: <a href="https://www.ctrlshft.global/">Control Shift</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Don&rsquo;t attack the tech. Avoid saying things like &ldquo;that game is rotting your brain.&rdquo; It shuts down connection.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Don&rsquo;t allow screens in bedrooms at night. Sleep loss is a key trigger for wider issues.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Don&rsquo;t argue in the heat of the moment. Have the &ldquo;screen talk&rdquo; when everyone&rsquo;s calm.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Get curious about impacts. Use tools like the Developmental Impact Questionnaire to understand your child&rsquo;s experience.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Pick your battles. Focus on habits and boundaries, not just hours.</li>
</ol>

Has Screen Use Crossed the Line? (with Brad Marshall) [R]

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/4cf25a5c-47ce-42cd-8fd9-b41900abe657/transcript

When your child says they hate school and have no friends, what really works? Discover why building friendships takes 200 hours of intentional time, and learn practical strategies from hosting craft days to finding 'third spaces'. Plus, understand the two key relationships that create true school belonging and why sometimes the best friendships might not be with peers at all.

Quote of the Episode: "Friends don't usually land in our lap—they require intention and time."

Key Insights:
Close friendships require 200+ hours of intentional time
School belonging needs two key relationships
Third spaces beyond home and school are crucial
Adult friendships can be valuable for children
Structured activities help build new friendships
Medical and psychological checks may be needed
School relationships often need parental facilitation
Quality family time remains foundational

Resources Mentioned:
Jeffrey Hall's friendship research from the University of Kansas 
School belonging research
Happy Families

Action Steps for Parents:
Facilitate Intentional Friend Time
Organise structured activities
Create regular playdates
Use third spaces effectively
Work with Schools
Identify potential friend matches
Build teacher relationships
Focus on school belonging
Consider Broader Solutions
Explore adult mentoring
Check medical factors
Strengthen family connections

When your child says they hate school and have no friends, what really works? Discover why building friendships takes 200 hours of intentional time, and learn practical strategies from hosting craft days to finding 'third spaces'. Plus, understand the two key relationships that create true school belonging and why sometimes the best friendships might not be with peers at all.
Quote of the Episode: "Friends don't usually land in our lap&mdash;they require intention and time."
Key Insights:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Close friendships require 200+ hours of intentional time</li>
<li aria-level="1">School belonging needs two key relationships</li>
<li aria-level="1">Third spaces beyond home and school are crucial</li>
<li aria-level="1">Adult friendships can be valuable for children</li>
<li aria-level="1">Structured activities help build new friendships</li>
<li aria-level="1">Medical and psychological checks may be needed</li>
<li aria-level="1">School relationships often need parental facilitation</li>
<li aria-level="1">Quality family time remains foundational</li>
</ul>
Resources Mentioned:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Jeffrey Hall's <a href="https://news.ku.edu/news/article/2018/03/06/study-reveals-number-hours-it-takes-make-friend#:~:text=In%20a%20new%20report%20published,and%20more%20than%20200%20hours">friendship research</a> from the University of Kansas&nbsp;</li>
<li aria-level="1">School belonging research</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.happyfamilies.com.au">Happy Families</a></li>
</ul>
Action Steps for Parents:
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Facilitate Intentional Friend Time</li>
<ul>
<li aria-level="2">Organise structured activities</li>
<li aria-level="2">Create regular playdates</li>
<li aria-level="2">Use third spaces effectively</li>
</ul>
<li aria-level="1">Work with Schools</li>
<ul>
<li aria-level="2">Identify potential friend matches</li>
<li aria-level="2">Build teacher relationships</li>
<li aria-level="2">Focus on school belonging</li>
</ul>
<li aria-level="1">Consider Broader Solutions</li>
<ul>
<li aria-level="2">Explore adult mentoring</li>
<li aria-level="2">Check medical factors</li>
<li aria-level="2">Strengthen family connections</li>
</ul>
</ol>

When Your Child Has No School Friends [R]

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/447be1a9-934a-482d-bd91-b41900abc5cf/transcript

Stop trying to control other people's moods, opinions, and behaviours - it's exhausting and impossible. Instead, try Mel Robbins' revolutionary "Let Them Theory" which teaches two simple words - "let them" - to reclaim your power and energy.

When you stop obsessing over what others think or do, you finally focus on what matters: your own life. But that's only half the equation. The crucial second step is saying "let me" take action on what I CAN control.

Quote of the Episode:

"The truth is other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them." - Mel Robbins

Key Points:
The Let Them Theory consists of two parts: "let them" (accepting what others do) and "let me" (choosing your own response).
When you stop trying to manage other people's emotions and behaviours, you reclaim your energy.
"Let them" doesn't mean being a doormat—it means acknowledging you can't control others.
Your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else's behaviour, opinions, or moods.
Hacking your stress response by saying "let them" and taking a breath interrupts your reactivity.
Trying to please everyone typically results in pleasing no one and exhausting yourself.
The method works for handling difficult colleagues, judgmental family members, and stressful situations.
This approach is primarily for adult relationships, not parenting young children who need guidance.
Setting boundaries is still important—"let them" doesn't mean accepting harmful behaviour.
People-pleasing often leaves you feeling empty and unappreciated despite your best efforts.

Resources Mentioned:
"The Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins (New York Times bestseller)
Mel Robbins Podcast 
Happy Families website

Action Steps for Parents:
Next time someone upsets you, say "let them" silently to yourself, then take a deep breath
Follow with "let me" and choose a response that serves your wellbeing
Identify one relationship where you're trying too hard to please someone and practice letting go
Accept that someone will always be disappointed by your decisions—and that's okay
Remember that while you can "let them" with adults, parenting requires appropriate guidance and boundaries with children

Stop trying to control other people's moods, opinions, and behaviours - it's exhausting and impossible. Instead, try Mel Robbins' revolutionary "Let Them Theory" which teaches two simple words - "let them" - to reclaim your power and energy.
When you stop obsessing over what others think or do, you finally focus on what matters: your own life. But that's only half the equation. The crucial second step is saying "let me" take action on what I CAN control.
Quote of the Episode:
"The truth is other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them." - Mel Robbins
Key Points:
<ul>
<li>The Let Them Theory consists of two parts: "let them" (accepting what others do) and "let me" (choosing your own response).</li>
<li>When you stop trying to manage other people's emotions and behaviours, you reclaim your energy.</li>
<li>"Let them" doesn't mean being a doormat&mdash;it means acknowledging you can't control others.</li>
<li>Your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else's behaviour, opinions, or moods.</li>
<li>Hacking your stress response by saying "let them" and taking a breath interrupts your reactivity.</li>
<li>Trying to please everyone typically results in pleasing no one and exhausting yourself.</li>
<li>The method works for handling difficult colleagues, judgmental family members, and stressful situations.</li>
<li>This approach is primarily for adult relationships, not parenting young children who need guidance.</li>
<li>Setting boundaries is still important&mdash;"let them" doesn't mean accepting harmful behaviour.</li>
<li>People-pleasing often leaves you feeling empty and unappreciated despite your best efforts.</li>
</ul>
Resources Mentioned:
<ul>
<li>"The Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins (New York Times bestseller)</li>
<li><a href="https://www.melrobbins.com/podcast?gad_source=1&amp;gbraid=0AAAAApAMQlh21uWSauBKfuiGwl_KTxtpR&amp;gclid=Cj0KCQjw1um-BhDtARIsABjU5x68LJ4NRBsCYl3Pn1ELj8dpmXaFZdXg-jnB2teYwS4y44oYqa0Glx8aAn-aEALw_wcB">Mel Robbins Podcast </a></li>
<li><a href="happyfamilies.com.au">Happy Families website</a></li>
</ul>
Action Steps for Parents:
<ol>
<li>Next time someone upsets you, say "let them" silently to yourself, then take a deep breath</li>
<li>Follow with "let me" and choose a response that serves your wellbeing</li>
<li>Identify one relationship where you're trying too hard to please someone and practice letting go</li>
<li>Accept that someone will always be disappointed by your decisions&mdash;and that's okay</li>
<li>Remember that while you can "let them" with adults, parenting requires appropriate guidance and boundaries with children</li>
</ol>

 Let Them: The Two Words That Will Set You Free [R]

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/b3257880-4fe8-4891-83b5-b41900ab9d97/transcript

#1043 - Forcing Kids to Apologise

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