Should we be making our children apologise when they do the wrong thing? What does a sincere apology look like?

In this episode:
Parental Guidance (S1): “Forcing children to apologise is teaching children to lie”
Victim mentality
People pleasing
Ruptured relationships
The Parenting Revolution, by Dr Justin Coulson
Motivation Continuum - extrinsic, introjected, identified, integrated, intrinsic
Is It Wrong to Tell Kids to Apologize? | The Atlantic
Theory of Mind
Why do children apologise under coercion?
Feeling seen, heard, and valued
Repairing relationships
Why don't kids want to apologise?
4 components of a sincere apology

Related links: 
Should we Force our Children to Say 'Sorry'
Carrots & Sticks: How Rewards and Punishments Hurt Our Kids, and What to do Instead [Webinar]

Doors are now open to the Happy Families Membership

NEW weekly kids’ ‘Print & Play’ subscription FELT (Fostering Emotional Learning Together)

Find us on Facebook or TikTok

Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter

Should we be making our children apologise when they do the wrong thing? What does a sincere apology look like?
In this episode:
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.9now.com.au/parental-guidance/season-1">Parental Guidance (S1)</a>: “Forcing children to apologise is teaching children to lie”</li>
<li>Victim mentality</li>
<li>People pleasing</li>
<li>Ruptured relationships</li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/the-parenting-revolution">The Parenting Revolution</a>, by Dr Justin Coulson</li>
<li>Motivation Continuum - extrinsic, introjected, identified, integrated, intrinsic</li>
<li><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2024/05/should-kids-apologize-parenting-debate/678294/">Is It Wrong to Tell Kids to Apologize? | The Atlantic</a></li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/developmental-milestones-part-3-preschool">Theory of Mind</a></li>
<li>Why do children apologise under coercion?</li>
<li>Feeling seen, heard, and valued</li>
<li>Repairing relationships</li>
<li>Why don't kids want to apologise?</li>
<li>4 components of a sincere apology</li>
</ul>
Related links: 
<ul>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/should-we-force-our-children-to-say-sorry">Should we Force our Children to Say 'Sorry'</a></li>
<li><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/carrots-sticks">Carrots &amp; Sticks: How Rewards and Punishments Hurt Our Kids, and What to do Instead [Webinar]</a></li>
</ul>
Doors are now open to the <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/membership">Happy Families Membership</a> 
NEW weekly kids’ ‘Print &amp; Play’ subscription <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/felt-subscription">FELT</a> (Fostering Emotional Learning Together)
Find us on<a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au/"> Facebook</a> or <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@happyfamiliesau">TikTok</a>
Subscribe to the Happy Families <a href="https://happyfamiliesfamilyeducation.activehosted.com/f/40">newsletter</a>

Deciding which parenting advice to follow? Join the thousands of mums and dads who turn to Australia’s most downloaded parenting podcast.

Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.

From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

Deciding which parenting advice to follow?&nbsp;Join the thousands of mums and dads who turn to Australia&rsquo;s most downloaded parenting podcast.
Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.
From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#1043 - Forcing Kids to Apologise

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/153877e7-f3d7-4c88-8ef2-b1b700c411e4/transcript

What if trying to create the perfect family moment is the very thing getting in the way?

After a week away with three of their daughters, Kylie realised she’d arrived with a clear picture of how their time together should look. The reality was completely different. And it turned out to be better. Justin and Kylie unpack the pressure parents put on themselves to get the “recipe” right, why our kids need room to make their own choices, and how letting go of control can create more connection.

Justin also shares what happened when Kylie left him juggling work and parenting, including one spectacular diary fail, and why simple, low-pressure time together can be some of the best parenting we do.

KEY POINTS
Why parenting doesn’t come with a guaranteed recipe for happy, successful kids
How expectations can turn good family experiences into disappointments
Why giving kids space can lead to more openness and connection
The power of simple, unstructured time with your child
Why presence, patience and understanding often matter more than elaborate plans - Justin’s lesson in juggling work and parenting when Kylie went away

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“It’s the simple stuff that makes our families work the best.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

What Your Child Needs From You by Justin Coulson

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Notice where you’ve created a “recipe” for how family life should look.
Leave room for your child to choose how they experience a moment.
Swap one carefully planned activity for simple time together.
Focus less on monitoring and more on creating a relationship where your child wants to talk to you.

What if trying to create the perfect family moment is the very thing getting in the way?
After a week away with three of their daughters, Kylie realised she&rsquo;d arrived with a clear picture of how their time together should look. The reality was completely different. And it turned out to be better. Justin and Kylie unpack the pressure parents put on themselves to get the &ldquo;recipe&rdquo; right, why our kids need room to make their own choices, and how letting go of control can create more connection.
Justin also shares what happened when Kylie left him juggling work and parenting, including one spectacular diary fail, and why simple, low-pressure time together can be some of the best parenting we do.
KEY POINTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>Why parenting doesn&rsquo;t come with a guaranteed recipe for happy, successful kids</li>
<li>How expectations can turn good family experiences into disappointments</li>
<li>Why giving kids space can lead to more openness and connection</li>
<li>The power of simple, unstructured time with your child</li>
<li>Why presence, patience and understanding often matter more than elaborate plans - Justin&rsquo;s lesson in juggling work and parenting when Kylie went away</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
<blockquote>
&ldquo;It&rsquo;s the simple stuff that makes our families work the best.&rdquo;
</blockquote>
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/what-your-child-needs-from-you">What Your Child Needs From You</a> by Justin Coulson
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>Notice where you&rsquo;ve created a &ldquo;recipe&rdquo; for how family life should look.</li>
<li>Leave room for your child to choose how they experience a moment.</li>
<li>Swap one carefully planned activity for simple time together.</li>
<li>Focus less on monitoring and more on creating a relationship where your child wants to talk to you.</li>
</ul>

Millenial Dads (When Mum Goes Away)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/178612aa-a595-4948-8769-b4ac001de8bd/transcript

AI never gets annoyed with you. It rarely pushes back. And it’s very good at telling you exactly what you want to hear.

New research suggests that this constant validation may come with a cost. After just three weeks of interacting with sycophantic AI, people were more likely to seek personal advice from AI and reported feeling less satisfied with their real-world relationships. Many preferred the agreeable AI because it made them feel understood.

Justin and Kylie unpack what this means for kids growing up with AI as a confidant, adviser and sounding board. Real relationships involve disagreement, compromise and uncomfortable conversations. If AI removes that friction, are our kids missing the chance to learn how to handle it?

KEY POINTS
Why AI is designed to feel validating, agreeable and supportive
How constant affirmation can reinforce our existing point of view
Why people may start preferring AI advice to conversations with family and friends
The risk of using AI as a therapist during relationship conflict
Why disagreement and friction are important relationship skills
How parents can help kids use AI without outsourcing their thinking or relationships

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Sycophantic AI is making our human interactions harder and less satisfying.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Research paper: Sycophantic AI Makes Human Interaction Feel More Effortful and Less Satisfying Over Time

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Explain “sycophancy” to your kids and show them how AI can agree with and validate the person prompting it.
Encourage kids to question AI responses rather than treating them as neutral advice.
Be cautious about using AI to decide who is right during friendship or family conflict.
Help kids practise disagreement, compromise and repair with real people.
Model curiosity when challenged instead of immediately defending your position.
Keep talking. A real conversation may be messier than AI, but learning to navigate that mess matters.

AI never gets annoyed with you. It rarely pushes back. And it&rsquo;s very good at telling you exactly what you want to hear.
New research suggests that this constant validation may come with a cost. After just three weeks of interacting with sycophantic AI, people were more likely to seek personal advice from AI and reported feeling less satisfied with their real-world relationships. Many preferred the agreeable AI because it made them feel understood.
Justin and Kylie unpack what this means for kids growing up with AI as a confidant, adviser and sounding board. Real relationships involve disagreement, compromise and uncomfortable conversations. If AI removes that friction, are our kids missing the chance to learn how to handle it?
KEY POINTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>Why AI is designed to feel validating, agreeable and supportive</li>
<li>How constant affirmation can reinforce our existing point of view</li>
<li>Why people may start preferring AI advice to conversations with family and friends</li>
<li>The risk of using AI as a therapist during relationship conflict</li>
<li>Why disagreement and friction are important relationship skills</li>
<li>How parents can help kids use AI without outsourcing their thinking or relationships</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
<blockquote>
&ldquo;Sycophantic AI is making our human interactions harder and less satisfying.&rdquo;
</blockquote>
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>Research paper: <a href="https://arxiv.org/abs/2605.07912">Sycophantic AI Makes Human Interaction Feel More Effortful and Less Satisfying Over Time</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>Explain &ldquo;sycophancy&rdquo; to your kids and show them how AI can agree with and validate the person prompting it.</li>
<li>Encourage kids to question AI responses rather than treating them as neutral advice.</li>
<li>Be cautious about using AI to decide who is right during friendship or family conflict.</li>
<li>Help kids practise disagreement, compromise and repair with real people.</li>
<li>Model curiosity when challenged instead of immediately defending your position.</li>
<li>Keep talking. A real conversation may be messier than AI, but learning to navigate that mess matters.</li>
</ul>

AI Is Making Real Relationships Feel Harder

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/a62a8e8a-4eb9-456f-8040-b4ac001daf5e/transcript

Gaming can be a source of connection, competence and joy, especially for neurodivergent kids. But when switching off leads to arguments, anxiety or explosive behaviour, parents need more than another screen-time rule.

Justin speaks with Game Aware founder Andrew Kinch about why some kids are drawn so strongly to gaming, how neurodivergence can shape that relationship, and what parents can do when gaming starts crowding out sleep, school, movement and family life. They unpack the difference between gaming for enjoyment and gaming for escape, why timers can make transitions harder, and how understanding your child's favourite game could reduce conflict at home.

KEY POINTS:
Why gaming and general screen time aren't the same thing
The particular role gaming can play for neurodivergent kids
How gaming meets needs for competence, autonomy and connection
Why using games to escape stress, bullying, anxiety or other struggles can become problematic
Why countdown timers can increase anxiety around switching off
How a stopwatch can encourage kids to practise self-regulation
The value of a calming "buffer" activity after gaming
Why parents should spend time learning how their child's favourite game actually works
How understanding what your child gets from gaming can change the conversation at home

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
"What job is the game doing for them?"
Andrew Kinch

RESOURCES MENTIONED:
Game Aware Activity Finder and family support
Self-Determination Theory
Johann Hari's work on addiction and connection

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
Get curious about what gaming gives your child before focusing on how long they're playing.
Notice whether they're gaming for fun and connection or using it to escape something difficult.
Try replacing a countdown timer with a stopwatch that helps them monitor their own gaming time.
Plan something enjoyable or calming for immediately after gaming rather than expecting an abrupt switch into chores or family demands.
Sit beside your child and learn their game. Understand what they're trying to achieve, when a round ends and why stopping halfway through can feel so frustrating.
If gaming is seriously affecting sleep, school, relationships, physical activity or safety at home, seek specialised support.

Gaming can be a source of connection, competence and joy, especially for neurodivergent kids. But when switching off leads to arguments, anxiety or explosive behaviour, parents need more than another screen-time rule.
Justin speaks with <a href="https://www.gameaware.com.au/">Game Aware</a> founder Andrew Kinch about why some kids are drawn so strongly to gaming, how neurodivergence can shape that relationship, and what parents can do when gaming starts crowding out sleep, school, movement and family life. They unpack the difference between gaming for enjoyment and gaming for escape, why timers can make transitions harder, and how understanding your child's favourite game could reduce conflict at home.
KEY POINTS:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why gaming and general screen time aren't the same thing</li>
<li aria-level="1">The particular role gaming can play for neurodivergent kids</li>
<li aria-level="1">How gaming meets needs for competence, autonomy and connection</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why using games to escape stress, bullying, anxiety or other struggles can become problematic</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why countdown timers can increase anxiety around switching off</li>
<li aria-level="1">How a stopwatch can encourage kids to practise self-regulation</li>
<li aria-level="1">The value of a calming "buffer" activity after gaming</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why parents should spend time learning how their child's favourite game actually works</li>
<li aria-level="1">How understanding what your child gets from gaming can change the conversation at home</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "What job is the game doing for them?" Andrew Kinch
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.gameaware.com.au/activity-matrix/">Game Aware Activity Finder</a>&nbsp;and family support</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/theory/">Self-Determination Theory</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">Johann Hari's work on addiction and connection</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Get curious about what gaming gives your child before focusing on how long they're playing.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Notice whether they're gaming for fun and connection or using it to escape something difficult.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Try replacing a countdown timer with a stopwatch that helps them monitor their own gaming time.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Plan something enjoyable or calming for immediately after gaming rather than expecting an abrupt switch into chores or family demands.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Sit beside your child and learn their game. Understand what they're trying to achieve, when a round ends and why stopping halfway through can feel so frustrating.</li>
<li aria-level="1">If gaming is seriously affecting sleep, school, relationships, physical activity or safety at home, seek specialised support.</li>
</ul>

Gaming & Neurodivergence: How to Make Gaming Healthier at Home [with Andrew Kinch]

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/32679afa-87fb-4878-a068-b4ac001d7b1b/transcript

#1043 - Forcing Kids to Apologise

In 1 playlist(s)

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Social links

Follow podcast

Recent clips