Take a deep breath in through your nose.

Take a deep breath in through your nose.

Hold it now, release slowly again, deep in, helle hold release, repeating internally to yourself as you connect to my voice. I am deeply, deeply well. I am deeply well. I am deeply.

Hold it now, release slowly again, deep in, helle hold release, repeating internally to yourself as you connect to my voice. I am deeply, deeply well. I am deeply well. I am deeply.

Wow. I'm Debbie Brown and this is the Deeply Well Podcast.

Wow. I'm Debbie Brown and this is the Deeply Well Podcast.

Welcome to Deeply Well, a soft place to land on your journey. A podcast for those that are curious and creative and ready to expand in higher consciousness and self care. I'm Debbie Brown. This is where we heal, this is where we become. Today, we have a special q ANDA episode if you follow me on the Gram at Debbie Brown. I have been fielding questions for a few weeks and waiting to record this episode. So I'm excited to dive in to all the things that you may be curious about or anything that just feels present. So when I posted this on my social media, I put ask me almost anything. So there's going to be a few questions that may have to do with me, a few questions that may have to do with overall wellness, spirituality, the journey, healing, all of the things, and my intention in this episode is to give you the best most useful, most meaningful answers that I possibly can based on who I am in this current moment of the year twenty twenty three, Our Lord. So everything that I share on this episode is based on what I know up into this point, how I experience myself in the world up into this point, And whenever you find this episode, my hope and desire is that it rings true with dignity, integrity, truth and intention. But I don't know the way the world will progress, So just wherever you find this take that for that. So first, before we kind of ground into this episode, I want to share an experience that I recently had this month. I earlier in the month, I took about a two day trip to Washington, DC and I had a really amazing experience about five years ago, like right after my son was born. I think it was within two weeks of my son being born. I got an email from a now friend, a wonderful person that creates incredible things with the Smithsonian African American Museum in DC, Eddy Reeves, and he shared with me that he had this vision for a series called God Talk where he wanted to investigate and explore black millennial faith specifically around the understanding that it was shifting and changing really quickly, the ways that we were experiencing church, the ways that we were experiencing spirituality, and even the rise of disbelief that had begun to happen. So this was right around twenty eighteen that we had this conversation and Teddy came to my home again. I had just had my baby, so literally, in the filming of this, I just saw the film. I have like my compression clothes on and I have a kimono over my compression garments. So it was really interesting just kind of transporting back into that space for myself and having a chance to remember, you know, that moment in time that was just so transformative in my life. And Teddy came and we filmed, and we talked about what faith means to me, what devotion means to me, what God means to me, and my view on where faith, specifically for Black millennials was headed. I also had a chance to be a part of a beautiful live in person speaker series called God Talk that happened at the African American Museum in Los Angeles, and then a few months ago I got a call from the African American Smithsonian in DC, letting me know that what we had filmed and what I had had the pleasure and the honor of being a part of, was now going to be an actual installation on Black spirituality in the Smithsonian, and it had become a film called God Talk, created by Teddy Reeves and starring some really incredible voices and perspectives all over the world. There are so many people that are a huge part of this film that are sharing their lives from the viewpoint of traditional Black Christianity in this country, to Christianity and faith for people of color in other countries like in parts of Europe, to mindfulness, to Buddhism, to wellness, to the trauma of the Black Church, and some ways that especially queer and trans youth have been traumatized within the confines of the Black Church and also into a grouping and arise in really disbelief and people that consider themselves to be atheists or agnostic and how they live and what they believe and what led them to that point. And so this film covers all of that and it was really incredible to see. I feel very blessed that I said yes to answer that call a little more than five years ago, and I just want to shout out Teddy Reeves and the phenomenal work that he does and everything. I had my very first chance to go to the African American Smithsonian Museum. While I was there, they had a filming in the Oprah Winfree Theater where we got to see the film, and then the entire museum was open to us. So I had a chance. One of my girlfriends Aya Tometti, hey girl, she joined me. Amazing woman, powerful woman, one of the co founders of Black Lives Matter, creating so much beautiful work in the world. She joined me and we got to wander around that just mine blowingly impressive institution at like midnight at one in the morning. It was a blast. It was so fun and they had delicious food. There was actually a table of mac and cheese, but six different variations of it, which like Hello, Welcome to Heaven. I was blessed by that. If you get a chance to see this film, or if you get a chance to check out the spirituality exhibit that is opening at the Smithsonian, please do and would love to hear your thoughts. But was so happy to be a part of it. Was so happy to be able to go to DC and see all the things and even just take that little extra time for myself as a mom. You know, I had a couple hours where I got to catch up on things on the computer, I got to read, I got to take a walk. I walked to the White House and it was lovely. So grateful for my time there. I wanted to share that with you. And now let's dive into some questions. So this batch of questions came in when I solicit in on IG asked me almost anything. So I'm going to kind of pick at random. I ended up getting, I mean, a few pages of questions and they're all pretty juicy. So I'm going to try to navigate towards questions that it seemed to be a theme a pattern that we were getting similar ones and ones that I might just find interesting. So in one of the first questions that we got, let's see, I was asked by Tiffany, how do you heal your nervous systems from past traumas? How do you heal your nervous system from past traumas? And again, all of my answers to these questions are based on my own life experience, wisdom that I've gleaned from experts in certain spaces, things I've applied to myself, things I've observed in others, and things that I have worked on with clients. And it's based on my unique perspective with these things. So some of the answers might resonate, some may not, And as always, seek some deeper awarenesses about anything that you feel drawn to. There is a whole world of people talking about a lot of things, so continue to seek outside of just this answer. So how do you heal your nervous system from past traumas? This is a very very very very very layered question, and I think there are a few systems of thought in it. But what I know from my personal experience of working to really heal and regulate my own nervous system is that this is the piece of your journey that really requires your slow, deep presence with your own body. You cannot heal your nervous system simply by feeding your intellectual knowledge, and I think that that is an area that I've observed can be a little challenging. But I also want to say that if it has been challenging, just know that this is really the first time in all of human history that we're focused on any of this, and we have language for things like this, that we understand the mechanics of one's nervous system, of our vagus nerve, of how that influences us, and also how it is damaged and hurt because of traumatic experiences that have happened from childhood through now. So this is still all something that we collectively as a species and as a society and civilization we're just un earthing right now. So go slowly, be very present with it. But you have to engage your body, so with our nervous system specifically, something that can be monumental help that is easy and free, but it does require working through any triggers, around stillness, around silence, around noticing your body would be breathwork. Breathwork is a phenomenal first dance with coming into beginning to heal and repair your nervous system. In Eastern culture that would be called pranayama. We call it breathwork now on the West. But it is taking slow, intentional time to breathe deeply into that airmoveth through your body. Way that I love to breathe is take deep belly breaths so that's kind of getting to a comfortable seated position. I like in this kind of position to be uncrossed, so uncross your legs, uncross your arms. I like to always, if I am in a placement of sitting still, I like to keep my hands really open at the tops of my thighs. That is considered to be a state of receiving. And then you gently close your eyes if that feels comfortable for you, and you begin to take breath in and out of your body. Now, the thing about when you begin to engage with a practice like this is you are going to notice how you feel in a posture like this. So for some you might notice that your heart is beating really fast, or that you're taking more shallow breaths, which are kind of like a breath like that is getting a tiny bit of airin, but it's not getting enough air into where you're nourishing your organs, you're nourishing your brain. So you want to slow down as soon as you notice the pace of your breath and then just see and if you're able to do it through your nose, that is the most ideal. You're getting the most nutritious breath, the most nourishing breath if it comes in through your nostrils and you'll take just deep inhale and you let that breath kind of hold at the top for just a moment, and then you excel fully slowly in a measured way through your nose. That's one of the first ways to regulate. Now, there are a lot of systems of breath that you could work with, and some are more like a fire breath or a lion's breath, and it's more activating. It's meant to give you energy and keep you going. But to regulate your nervous system, I really recommend into practice with a slower breath that starts in your belly, so even though it's coming in through your nose, you're really noticing your awareness at the center of your belly and letting that fill and then come up your chest and you feel it right here in your lungs. Let it come into your heart, and then you let it come up and then you hold it and then you let it come out through your nose. Now, when you're in practice with a breath like this, it's important to know that one there really is no right or wrong way to do it, but there might be opportunities to become more gentle with yourself. You're not going to quote unquote get it right right away. You're gonna notice some things that could be a little triggering, could be a little off putting, or even just a little frustrating and annoying, Like why can't I breathe as peacefully as she just breathed looking at her on this YouTube video. Well, I've been practicing my breath for ten years, so it takes time, and I was very much the same when I got started. It was truly a struggle for me to sit still and to be quiet and to have my eyes closed, especially if my eyes were closed and other people were present in the room. For me, that really brought forward a feeling of not being safe or also just being restless, like what's going on? Who's here? What am I missing? That? You just got to move slowly. So a great way to begin the path of beginning to nourish your nervous system, and something that you can and I believe should do every day, multiple times a day throughout the day from morning through evening is connecting to that deep belly breath. If you can do three, that's amazing. But if you can connect to it for a full five minutes even better, and then stretch and then maybe add some meditation into that and let that breath be the guiding force of your meditation for thirty minutes. Breath work is a great place to start for regulating your nervous system for healing it also meditation. Meditation, to me is the master tool and every other tool, technique, tip, trick, understanding that you may come into is only that much more enhanced by having a meditation practice. And if all you happen to do is meditation, that's enough as well. So connecting to a breath, making time to meditate that looks like getting still, getting comfortable, getting quiet, allowing your body to come into a relaxed state is really really important, and it does take time, So be gentle with yourself as you do it, and don't judge yourself. Every day you will get incrementally better. A saying that I love is step by step, step by step, slowly, slowly, you will become so meditation, some deep breaths. I also want to share that as I share some of these recommendations, if you have a background that includes some complex trauma, there may be a part of you that feels a rejection towards hearing advice like this. There may be a part of you that says, there is no way that just taking a breath, with all that I've been through, with all that I'm going through, that that's going to help, and very respectfully I want to share with you that you'd be wrong. It actually will, and the more you practice it, you will learn that over time there is nothing that the breath, that meditation that deep presents, that connecting to your mindful awareness and practices cannot help you with. There is, without a shadow of a doubt, benefit to it in some way to some degree for each of our lives. So meditation, breath work, also getting connected to your body. If you've had challenging or traumatic explise speriences, the first thing that we do to kind of cope with that and cope with some of the harsher realities of being alive and being on earth and all that that comes with with nine billion people on this planet is you dissociate from your body. So that can sometimes present itself as a feeling of numbness, and you can feel that numbness in your day to day life. You can feel that numbness in your intimate life and your sexual life, in every aspect of your life. You can feel disconnected and apart from your body. And if that is present for you right now, some of the beauty of that is there is there are so many practices and services and experts that can help you with that. That is not a feeling you have to stay in. There are ways to work with that energy and to vary gently and slowly over time come back into your body so that you and your life can feel differently. So body movement can be really powerful and important. Something that I love to do is kind of have a personal dance practice. Whether that's just like swaying, or it's really kind of more aggressive and moving your body, moving your hips, moving your shoulders, connecting to music is a really valuable way that I do that. Working out can be very powerful. A lot of people meet that physical need through workouts and supporting their body with activity. And also it could be a stretch practice. It could be really slow. It could be you just by yourself slowly stretching, you know, letting the lights come down a little bit. It could be doing some yoga postures, whether that is an active yoga practice where you go through several postures, or that's just doing one or two. Maybe it's you just in cat cow, or you doing you know, child's pose, downward dog savasna, you know, whatever that happens to be for you, it's opportunity to be present and be connected to your body, and it can really dramatically change and enhance your life and the meaning in it and the connectedness that you're able to have in it, and the peace that you're able to have with yourself. If able. Cold plunges can be amazing. I cold plunge every day. It has changed my life for the better in ways that I'm still kind of unpacking and understanding. Sauna, infrared, sauna, warm bath, Taking opportunities to just touch and feel your own body, giving yourself a hug, but being very present with your physical reality can be very important and powerful for healing and regulating your nervous system. The foods that you eat can really help with that too, and we have a couple episodes that could be supportive for that on the podcast where talking a little bit more about nutrition, but the foods that you eat, making more nourishing choices for your life, taking time to do some research there. Everything that we seek to learn or do in our lives really rides and lives on how active and how present and how participatory we are willing to be with our process and with our lives. So it's very often as slow unfolding and it does require you. Sometimes even that can feel triggering, especially if you have been taking care of you your whole life or didn't have people in your life that came in to support you in the times that you needed it. There can be a desire to reject doing that for oneself. So if that's present for you, just notice it and know that there is another option. There is another choice that you could potentially make. But spend time researching that. Really carve out time to keep the TV off, to not get distracted by other things, and say, for five minutes a day, for ten minutes a day, for thirty minutes a day, for an hour a day, I'm going to research and find ways to meet my needs. We're in a time that's really powerful because a lot of experts are sharing their information and very easy to digest in accessible ways, but you do have to take your time to look. So spending some time and you know, maybe look healing nervous system. Healing nervous system from trauma? How does the vegus nerve work? Those prompts can really on Google lead you to some very important and life changing work that could really really help support you. So I hope that helps. Let's look into another question deeply.

Welcome to Deeply Well, a soft place to land on your journey. A podcast for those that are curious and creative and ready to expand in higher consciousness and self care. I'm Debbie Brown. This is where we heal, this is where we become. Today, we have a special q ANDA episode if you follow me on the Gram at Debbie Brown. I have been fielding questions for a few weeks and waiting to record this episode. So I'm excited to dive in to all the things that you may be curious about or anything that just feels present. So when I posted this on my social media, I put ask me almost anything. So there's going to be a few questions that may have to do with me, a few questions that may have to do with overall wellness, spirituality, the journey, healing, all of the things, and my intention in this episode is to give you the best most useful, most meaningful answers that I possibly can based on who I am in this current moment of the year twenty twenty three, Our Lord. So everything that I share on this episode is based on what I know up into this point, how I experience myself in the world up into this point, And whenever you find this episode, my hope and desire is that it rings true with dignity, integrity, truth and intention. But I don't know the way the world will progress, So just wherever you find this take that for that. So first, before we kind of ground into this episode, I want to share an experience that I recently had this month. I earlier in the month, I took about a two day trip to Washington, DC and I had a really amazing experience about five years ago, like right after my son was born. I think it was within two weeks of my son being born. I got an email from a now friend, a wonderful person that creates incredible things with the Smithsonian African American Museum in DC, Eddy Reeves, and he shared with me that he had this vision for a series called God Talk where he wanted to investigate and explore black millennial faith specifically around the understanding that it was shifting and changing really quickly, the ways that we were experiencing church, the ways that we were experiencing spirituality, and even the rise of disbelief that had begun to happen. So this was right around twenty eighteen that we had this conversation and Teddy came to my home again. I had just had my baby, so literally, in the filming of this, I just saw the film. I have like my compression clothes on and I have a kimono over my compression garments. So it was really interesting just kind of transporting back into that space for myself and having a chance to remember, you know, that moment in time that was just so transformative in my life. And Teddy came and we filmed, and we talked about what faith means to me, what devotion means to me, what God means to me, and my view on where faith, specifically for Black millennials was headed. I also had a chance to be a part of a beautiful live in person speaker series called God Talk that happened at the African American Museum in Los Angeles, and then a few months ago I got a call from the African American Smithsonian in DC, letting me know that what we had filmed and what I had had the pleasure and the honor of being a part of, was now going to be an actual installation on Black spirituality in the Smithsonian, and it had become a film called God Talk, created by Teddy Reeves and starring some really incredible voices and perspectives all over the world. There are so many people that are a huge part of this film that are sharing their lives from the viewpoint of traditional Black Christianity in this country, to Christianity and faith for people of color in other countries like in parts of Europe, to mindfulness, to Buddhism, to wellness, to the trauma of the Black Church, and some ways that especially queer and trans youth have been traumatized within the confines of the Black Church and also into a grouping and arise in really disbelief and people that consider themselves to be atheists or agnostic and how they live and what they believe and what led them to that point. And so this film covers all of that and it was really incredible to see. I feel very blessed that I said yes to answer that call a little more than five years ago, and I just want to shout out Teddy Reeves and the phenomenal work that he does and everything. I had my very first chance to go to the African American Smithsonian Museum. While I was there, they had a filming in the Oprah Winfree Theater where we got to see the film, and then the entire museum was open to us. So I had a chance. One of my girlfriends Aya Tometti, hey girl, she joined me. Amazing woman, powerful woman, one of the co founders of Black Lives Matter, creating so much beautiful work in the world. She joined me and we got to wander around that just mine blowingly impressive institution at like midnight at one in the morning. It was a blast. It was so fun and they had delicious food. There was actually a table of mac and cheese, but six different variations of it, which like Hello, Welcome to Heaven. I was blessed by that. If you get a chance to see this film, or if you get a chance to check out the spirituality exhibit that is opening at the Smithsonian, please do and would love to hear your thoughts. But was so happy to be a part of it. Was so happy to be able to go to DC and see all the things and even just take that little extra time for myself as a mom. You know, I had a couple hours where I got to catch up on things on the computer, I got to read, I got to take a walk. I walked to the White House and it was lovely. So grateful for my time there. I wanted to share that with you. And now let's dive into some questions. So this batch of questions came in when I solicit in on IG asked me almost anything. So I'm going to kind of pick at random. I ended up getting, I mean, a few pages of questions and they're all pretty juicy. So I'm going to try to navigate towards questions that it seemed to be a theme a pattern that we were getting similar ones and ones that I might just find interesting. So in one of the first questions that we got, let's see, I was asked by Tiffany, how do you heal your nervous systems from past traumas? How do you heal your nervous system from past traumas? And again, all of my answers to these questions are based on my own life experience, wisdom that I've gleaned from experts in certain spaces, things I've applied to myself, things I've observed in others, and things that I have worked on with clients. And it's based on my unique perspective with these things. So some of the answers might resonate, some may not, And as always, seek some deeper awarenesses about anything that you feel drawn to. There is a whole world of people talking about a lot of things, so continue to seek outside of just this answer. So how do you heal your nervous system from past traumas? This is a very very very very very layered question, and I think there are a few systems of thought in it. But what I know from my personal experience of working to really heal and regulate my own nervous system is that this is the piece of your journey that really requires your slow, deep presence with your own body. You cannot heal your nervous system simply by feeding your intellectual knowledge, and I think that that is an area that I've observed can be a little challenging. But I also want to say that if it has been challenging, just know that this is really the first time in all of human history that we're focused on any of this, and we have language for things like this, that we understand the mechanics of one's nervous system, of our vagus nerve, of how that influences us, and also how it is damaged and hurt because of traumatic experiences that have happened from childhood through now. So this is still all something that we collectively as a species and as a society and civilization we're just un earthing right now. So go slowly, be very present with it. But you have to engage your body, so with our nervous system specifically, something that can be monumental help that is easy and free, but it does require working through any triggers, around stillness, around silence, around noticing your body would be breathwork. Breathwork is a phenomenal first dance with coming into beginning to heal and repair your nervous system. In Eastern culture that would be called pranayama. We call it breathwork now on the West. But it is taking slow, intentional time to breathe deeply into that airmoveth through your body. Way that I love to breathe is take deep belly breaths so that's kind of getting to a comfortable seated position. I like in this kind of position to be uncrossed, so uncross your legs, uncross your arms. I like to always, if I am in a placement of sitting still, I like to keep my hands really open at the tops of my thighs. That is considered to be a state of receiving. And then you gently close your eyes if that feels comfortable for you, and you begin to take breath in and out of your body. Now, the thing about when you begin to engage with a practice like this is you are going to notice how you feel in a posture like this. So for some you might notice that your heart is beating really fast, or that you're taking more shallow breaths, which are kind of like a breath like that is getting a tiny bit of airin, but it's not getting enough air into where you're nourishing your organs, you're nourishing your brain. So you want to slow down as soon as you notice the pace of your breath and then just see and if you're able to do it through your nose, that is the most ideal. You're getting the most nutritious breath, the most nourishing breath if it comes in through your nostrils and you'll take just deep inhale and you let that breath kind of hold at the top for just a moment, and then you excel fully slowly in a measured way through your nose. That's one of the first ways to regulate. Now, there are a lot of systems of breath that you could work with, and some are more like a fire breath or a lion's breath, and it's more activating. It's meant to give you energy and keep you going. But to regulate your nervous system, I really recommend into practice with a slower breath that starts in your belly, so even though it's coming in through your nose, you're really noticing your awareness at the center of your belly and letting that fill and then come up your chest and you feel it right here in your lungs. Let it come into your heart, and then you let it come up and then you hold it and then you let it come out through your nose. Now, when you're in practice with a breath like this, it's important to know that one there really is no right or wrong way to do it, but there might be opportunities to become more gentle with yourself. You're not going to quote unquote get it right right away. You're gonna notice some things that could be a little triggering, could be a little off putting, or even just a little frustrating and annoying, Like why can't I breathe as peacefully as she just breathed looking at her on this YouTube video. Well, I've been practicing my breath for ten years, so it takes time, and I was very much the same when I got started. It was truly a struggle for me to sit still and to be quiet and to have my eyes closed, especially if my eyes were closed and other people were present in the room. For me, that really brought forward a feeling of not being safe or also just being restless, like what's going on? Who's here? What am I missing? That? You just got to move slowly. So a great way to begin the path of beginning to nourish your nervous system, and something that you can and I believe should do every day, multiple times a day throughout the day from morning through evening is connecting to that deep belly breath. If you can do three, that's amazing. But if you can connect to it for a full five minutes even better, and then stretch and then maybe add some meditation into that and let that breath be the guiding force of your meditation for thirty minutes. Breath work is a great place to start for regulating your nervous system for healing it also meditation. Meditation, to me is the master tool and every other tool, technique, tip, trick, understanding that you may come into is only that much more enhanced by having a meditation practice. And if all you happen to do is meditation, that's enough as well. So connecting to a breath, making time to meditate that looks like getting still, getting comfortable, getting quiet, allowing your body to come into a relaxed state is really really important, and it does take time, So be gentle with yourself as you do it, and don't judge yourself. Every day you will get incrementally better. A saying that I love is step by step, step by step, slowly, slowly, you will become so meditation, some deep breaths. I also want to share that as I share some of these recommendations, if you have a background that includes some complex trauma, there may be a part of you that feels a rejection towards hearing advice like this. There may be a part of you that says, there is no way that just taking a breath, with all that I've been through, with all that I'm going through, that that's going to help, and very respectfully I want to share with you that you'd be wrong. It actually will, and the more you practice it, you will learn that over time there is nothing that the breath, that meditation that deep presents, that connecting to your mindful awareness and practices cannot help you with. There is, without a shadow of a doubt, benefit to it in some way to some degree for each of our lives. So meditation, breath work, also getting connected to your body. If you've had challenging or traumatic explise speriences, the first thing that we do to kind of cope with that and cope with some of the harsher realities of being alive and being on earth and all that that comes with with nine billion people on this planet is you dissociate from your body. So that can sometimes present itself as a feeling of numbness, and you can feel that numbness in your day to day life. You can feel that numbness in your intimate life and your sexual life, in every aspect of your life. You can feel disconnected and apart from your body. And if that is present for you right now, some of the beauty of that is there is there are so many practices and services and experts that can help you with that. That is not a feeling you have to stay in. There are ways to work with that energy and to vary gently and slowly over time come back into your body so that you and your life can feel differently. So body movement can be really powerful and important. Something that I love to do is kind of have a personal dance practice. Whether that's just like swaying, or it's really kind of more aggressive and moving your body, moving your hips, moving your shoulders, connecting to music is a really valuable way that I do that. Working out can be very powerful. A lot of people meet that physical need through workouts and supporting their body with activity. And also it could be a stretch practice. It could be really slow. It could be you just by yourself slowly stretching, you know, letting the lights come down a little bit. It could be doing some yoga postures, whether that is an active yoga practice where you go through several postures, or that's just doing one or two. Maybe it's you just in cat cow, or you doing you know, child's pose, downward dog savasna, you know, whatever that happens to be for you, it's opportunity to be present and be connected to your body, and it can really dramatically change and enhance your life and the meaning in it and the connectedness that you're able to have in it, and the peace that you're able to have with yourself. If able. Cold plunges can be amazing. I cold plunge every day. It has changed my life for the better in ways that I'm still kind of unpacking and understanding. Sauna, infrared, sauna, warm bath, Taking opportunities to just touch and feel your own body, giving yourself a hug, but being very present with your physical reality can be very important and powerful for healing and regulating your nervous system. The foods that you eat can really help with that too, and we have a couple episodes that could be supportive for that on the podcast where talking a little bit more about nutrition, but the foods that you eat, making more nourishing choices for your life, taking time to do some research there. Everything that we seek to learn or do in our lives really rides and lives on how active and how present and how participatory we are willing to be with our process and with our lives. So it's very often as slow unfolding and it does require you. Sometimes even that can feel triggering, especially if you have been taking care of you your whole life or didn't have people in your life that came in to support you in the times that you needed it. There can be a desire to reject doing that for oneself. So if that's present for you, just notice it and know that there is another option. There is another choice that you could potentially make. But spend time researching that. Really carve out time to keep the TV off, to not get distracted by other things, and say, for five minutes a day, for ten minutes a day, for thirty minutes a day, for an hour a day, I'm going to research and find ways to meet my needs. We're in a time that's really powerful because a lot of experts are sharing their information and very easy to digest in accessible ways, but you do have to take your time to look. So spending some time and you know, maybe look healing nervous system. Healing nervous system from trauma? How does the vegus nerve work? Those prompts can really on Google lead you to some very important and life changing work that could really really help support you. So I hope that helps. Let's look into another question deeply.

Wow.

Wow.

So a question I got from my is how do you let go of devastating heartbreak and betrayal as a highly sensitive EmPATH? Thank you for this question. I think we all need this question because whether or not that is a devastating heartbreak from a love or an intimate relationship or a family member or friend, or whether that is being present to this moment in time and aware of all the devastation and challenge that happens all around us. There is a lot of heartbreak to go around in this lifetime, and none of us will make it out of this world without having a taste of it. Whether that is our own or what we're observing, we will feel it to some degree. A way to let go of a devastating heartbreak or betrayal as an en path, as a highly sensitive and in general, is to begin to come into your own awareness of yourself, what your real needs really deeply are and any areas of your life where you may have minimized or put yourself in a secondary role to where you were cut off from ways to meet your needs and ways to connect with your intuition. I will say that a very kind of soft way to be with that, if that's present for you, is to begin to really, really truly cloak yourself in self care. I don't want to say that in a way that it seems ami, because some of these heartbreaks can be utterly profound and they are karmic and they are our spiritual curriculum in a big way. But self care, as you know, if you listen to this show, it's not just about anything trivial. It's not just about you know, luxury, it's not you know, it's not silly, it's real. Caring for yourself means caring about yourself a little bit more and connecting to other people that can help support you and care for you as well. So boundaries. Taking time to heal, feeding yourself, your heart, your brain, your physical, mouth and belly, your spirit, nourishing things, eat more nourishing foods. Take time to move your body, take time to be inspired, take time to let yourself feel what you feel. Don't bypass the anger of a betrayaler, heartbreak, don't bypass the sadness of it. Be willing to bear witness to it all. Sometimes when you feel that depression creeping in, you want to run from it. Now again, if you're listening to this episode, I trust that you will also know what your personal mental and emotional and physical health needs are and if you need to be connected to a doctor, I really encourage you to seek that out. Some things are depression and the way that it's a natural way to feel depression like something hurting you. There are other things that are clinical depression or depression that could really use the lens of an expert. So that is something I want you to be aware of and connect to as you evaluate where this answer lands and your understanding of it. But a way to really begin is to carve out time to let yourself feel it. Do not rush into positivity. Do not rush into if this question is related, especially to something more intimate and romantic, it's not about you know, getting under somebody new or dialing your sexy all the way up, and all of that will come. All of that will come. There's time for that. But let yourself feel sad, let yourself feel confused, let yourself get pissed. If you need a scream, if you need to yell, do it, find a safe space for that. If you need to weep, please do it. It is not weak. It is necessary. Our bodies long to release stored emotions, and if we bypass it, to just read positive sayings kind of heal our brain around it, or find a way to compartmentalize whatever this herd or portrayal is so that we can keep moving. You will always have to pay the cost for it. You'll always have to pay the price, will always have to feel it before it can truly leave us. And the more time we spend not doing that, we just develop a lot of coping mechanisms that can sometimes calcify and become our identity and personality. And then we'll never have the experiences that we crave or we long for because we just didn't take the time to clear the way for them, to clear the path. So be with yourself in this time, allow yourself to look at all the dimension of it, whatever that is for each of us uniquely and individually. Find safe spaces where you can talk. Sometimes and you'll notice this when you go through sometimes profound disappointment and betrayal. You'll notice that not all of the relationships in your life can hold conversations around that. Now, whether that means you need all new friends or not, you'll figure that out. You'll decide for yourself once you set your boundary. But there might be opportunity. There might be opportunity to go deeper with fewer to also seek out a therapist or group therapy can be incredibly powerful when you get to hear that sometimes things that are utterly shocking and horrifying to you have and do happen to other people, and hearing their thought process around it, seeing if there are any shared patterns and themes that started in childhood. Taking time to really observe and investigate any core wounding. You know, this feeling that you're feeling. Has it happened before? If it has, when did it happen before that time? If it has, when, how with who? Very often we can walk ourselves back to whatever that original wound is, and once we connect to that original wound and heal that wound, that very often naturally extends healing into every other time that happened after that point, and there does create a pathway of ease with that when you notice the original wound, When you nourish, heal, and continue to accept and support that original wound, it tends to extend healing through all the other pathways and webs that that pattern or experience has shown up. So spend time with all of it, bear witness to all of it. Give yourself opportunity to be very gentle and in non judgment of yourself as you heal, and as you explore who am I now that that has happened to me? Who can I be? What do I need to release? We don't want to just pick up more bags, So be deeply present with it. Use systems and processes and experiences that I just spoke about as it relates to healing the nervous system as well. Meditation, breath work, dance, ritualistic devotional experiences in your day, prayer. Did I say meditation already? I'll say it again. Meditation, journaling, movement, taking time to be in nature, connecting with the feeling of the warmth of the sun on your face and your skin, Connecting to what I call tiny joys, finding small moments of beauty in your life and in your day, to really support the other challenges, to even out and harmonize with whatever challenges are present. But those tiny joys can really save you, They can really expand you. Slowing down. Oftentimes we want to move fast when we're in pain because life always seems like it moves slower when we're in pain, like it's hurting, more like we have more time to be focused on it. But the slow down pace is what actually blesses us and helps us. So give yourself the opportunity to lean into that. I hope that's helpful deeply. Well. A question that we got from Esther is my mom pressures me to engage family that I don't want to. I've explained myself, but she won't stop. This is a season for boundaries, you know. I think everyone at a certain point in their life comes to a point where you realize, I am tired of living based on the way other people are trying to get me to live or living through their truth or their understanding. So if you're noticing this and it's starting to irritate you, good place, because this is time to investigate what do you believe? What do you hold true what feels necessary and important to you. And also, notice, why is it so important if it is that I please my mother, that I please my father, that I please whoever this person I'm establishing as an authority figure? Is why am I even considering what they want me to do over what I want to do for myself? And sometimes we draw back into you know, those systems formed in childhood, especially as you share it to your mom. So there are some systems that have been in place for maybe too long. If you're writing you this message to me and you are an adult person, you can do whatever you want and you have the permission for that. If you are an adult, no matter what systems happened in your childhood that made you think you needed to constantly seek a proof that you needed to please the authority figure in your life, please let this be the active permission. You can stop. You can stop, And will it piss them off? Absolutely? Yes it will. It will? And then what are you going to do about that? You still don't have to please them, You still don't have to fill that need for them. It's based on who they are and whatever systems of belief they're choosing to adhere to whatever performances they have going on, whatever perceptions they have going on that they want to feed, whatever ways they want people to think of them. Cool, I get it. That's your life does not have to be yours. So at any moment, you can stop and make a different choice. And it won't be easy, but it can happen, and once you do it enough and you get into practice with it, it will be second nature and you'll be able to say no without thinking twice, and that person will have to acquiesce to what your boundary is. And if they don't, that's another way to begin to come into yourself and say, I either accept that, do what I want anyway, continue to love them, but I won't let it affect my stress levels or my internal world. Or you get to say, and now I'm done. If you don't respect my boundaries, if you don't actually see me, and you only want me to make choices that make you feel safe, that make you feel comfortable, then I cannot and I will distance myself. It's up to you how you want to flow with that. But the option is yours, and the choice is on the table for you whenever you are ready to make it. If you are so boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, and it takes lots of practice. But just be present with yourself because I found, especially when it comes to establishing boundaries, the fear really is most heavy and prevalent before you set it. Once you set it and move through the kind of cringe around that and give yourself the opportunity to feel uncomfortable with even taking back the power in your life, it disappears very fast. Just act on it more and more. The more you do it, it's a muscle. It will work, it will become true. And you also create space so that more people that kind of mirror that level of boundary, that mirror that sovereignty within themselves, that autonomy within themselves, that internal guidance. You'll find more people like that that will be in your life that will mirror that back to you, that will be able to support that version of you. So be present, Let it move slowly, it's not going to happen in a day, and pray about it. I believe anytime I've needed to set a new boundary, I always say an active, present prayer with God and with the universe that this is my intention, this is my desire. As long as I making this intention from a space of integrity, from a space of truth. Please support me and making it real. God, Please give me ease, God, cover me and grace, allow this to happen in the twinkle of an eye. Allow this to happen with the flow that best benefits and supports all concerned. And I believe that whenever we do anything for the highest good, we can call in that level of support and just say, please allow this to be for the highest good of all concerned, this or something better for the highest good of all concerned. That the words of two of my favorite teachers, doctor Ron and Mary Holnick, and using that terminology really really has blessed my life over the years. I have another question. This one is about me. Do you want more children? I think I am very open to having more children. I have an absolutely incredible five year old son. I'm an only child. My son currently is being raised as an only child in our house.

So a question I got from my is how do you let go of devastating heartbreak and betrayal as a highly sensitive EmPATH? Thank you for this question. I think we all need this question because whether or not that is a devastating heartbreak from a love or an intimate relationship or a family member or friend, or whether that is being present to this moment in time and aware of all the devastation and challenge that happens all around us. There is a lot of heartbreak to go around in this lifetime, and none of us will make it out of this world without having a taste of it. Whether that is our own or what we're observing, we will feel it to some degree. A way to let go of a devastating heartbreak or betrayal as an en path, as a highly sensitive and in general, is to begin to come into your own awareness of yourself, what your real needs really deeply are and any areas of your life where you may have minimized or put yourself in a secondary role to where you were cut off from ways to meet your needs and ways to connect with your intuition. I will say that a very kind of soft way to be with that, if that's present for you, is to begin to really, really truly cloak yourself in self care. I don't want to say that in a way that it seems ami, because some of these heartbreaks can be utterly profound and they are karmic and they are our spiritual curriculum in a big way. But self care, as you know, if you listen to this show, it's not just about anything trivial. It's not just about you know, luxury, it's not you know, it's not silly, it's real. Caring for yourself means caring about yourself a little bit more and connecting to other people that can help support you and care for you as well. So boundaries. Taking time to heal, feeding yourself, your heart, your brain, your physical, mouth and belly, your spirit, nourishing things, eat more nourishing foods. Take time to move your body, take time to be inspired, take time to let yourself feel what you feel. Don't bypass the anger of a betrayaler, heartbreak, don't bypass the sadness of it. Be willing to bear witness to it all. Sometimes when you feel that depression creeping in, you want to run from it. Now again, if you're listening to this episode, I trust that you will also know what your personal mental and emotional and physical health needs are and if you need to be connected to a doctor, I really encourage you to seek that out. Some things are depression and the way that it's a natural way to feel depression like something hurting you. There are other things that are clinical depression or depression that could really use the lens of an expert. So that is something I want you to be aware of and connect to as you evaluate where this answer lands and your understanding of it. But a way to really begin is to carve out time to let yourself feel it. Do not rush into positivity. Do not rush into if this question is related, especially to something more intimate and romantic, it's not about you know, getting under somebody new or dialing your sexy all the way up, and all of that will come. All of that will come. There's time for that. But let yourself feel sad, let yourself feel confused, let yourself get pissed. If you need a scream, if you need to yell, do it, find a safe space for that. If you need to weep, please do it. It is not weak. It is necessary. Our bodies long to release stored emotions, and if we bypass it, to just read positive sayings kind of heal our brain around it, or find a way to compartmentalize whatever this herd or portrayal is so that we can keep moving. You will always have to pay the cost for it. You'll always have to pay the price, will always have to feel it before it can truly leave us. And the more time we spend not doing that, we just develop a lot of coping mechanisms that can sometimes calcify and become our identity and personality. And then we'll never have the experiences that we crave or we long for because we just didn't take the time to clear the way for them, to clear the path. So be with yourself in this time, allow yourself to look at all the dimension of it, whatever that is for each of us uniquely and individually. Find safe spaces where you can talk. Sometimes and you'll notice this when you go through sometimes profound disappointment and betrayal. You'll notice that not all of the relationships in your life can hold conversations around that. Now, whether that means you need all new friends or not, you'll figure that out. You'll decide for yourself once you set your boundary. But there might be opportunity. There might be opportunity to go deeper with fewer to also seek out a therapist or group therapy can be incredibly powerful when you get to hear that sometimes things that are utterly shocking and horrifying to you have and do happen to other people, and hearing their thought process around it, seeing if there are any shared patterns and themes that started in childhood. Taking time to really observe and investigate any core wounding. You know, this feeling that you're feeling. Has it happened before? If it has, when did it happen before that time? If it has, when, how with who? Very often we can walk ourselves back to whatever that original wound is, and once we connect to that original wound and heal that wound, that very often naturally extends healing into every other time that happened after that point, and there does create a pathway of ease with that when you notice the original wound, When you nourish, heal, and continue to accept and support that original wound, it tends to extend healing through all the other pathways and webs that that pattern or experience has shown up. So spend time with all of it, bear witness to all of it. Give yourself opportunity to be very gentle and in non judgment of yourself as you heal, and as you explore who am I now that that has happened to me? Who can I be? What do I need to release? We don't want to just pick up more bags, So be deeply present with it. Use systems and processes and experiences that I just spoke about as it relates to healing the nervous system as well. Meditation, breath work, dance, ritualistic devotional experiences in your day, prayer. Did I say meditation already? I'll say it again. Meditation, journaling, movement, taking time to be in nature, connecting with the feeling of the warmth of the sun on your face and your skin, Connecting to what I call tiny joys, finding small moments of beauty in your life and in your day, to really support the other challenges, to even out and harmonize with whatever challenges are present. But those tiny joys can really save you, They can really expand you. Slowing down. Oftentimes we want to move fast when we're in pain because life always seems like it moves slower when we're in pain, like it's hurting, more like we have more time to be focused on it. But the slow down pace is what actually blesses us and helps us. So give yourself the opportunity to lean into that. I hope that's helpful deeply. Well. A question that we got from Esther is my mom pressures me to engage family that I don't want to. I've explained myself, but she won't stop. This is a season for boundaries, you know. I think everyone at a certain point in their life comes to a point where you realize, I am tired of living based on the way other people are trying to get me to live or living through their truth or their understanding. So if you're noticing this and it's starting to irritate you, good place, because this is time to investigate what do you believe? What do you hold true what feels necessary and important to you. And also, notice, why is it so important if it is that I please my mother, that I please my father, that I please whoever this person I'm establishing as an authority figure? Is why am I even considering what they want me to do over what I want to do for myself? And sometimes we draw back into you know, those systems formed in childhood, especially as you share it to your mom. So there are some systems that have been in place for maybe too long. If you're writing you this message to me and you are an adult person, you can do whatever you want and you have the permission for that. If you are an adult, no matter what systems happened in your childhood that made you think you needed to constantly seek a proof that you needed to please the authority figure in your life, please let this be the active permission. You can stop. You can stop, And will it piss them off? Absolutely? Yes it will. It will? And then what are you going to do about that? You still don't have to please them, You still don't have to fill that need for them. It's based on who they are and whatever systems of belief they're choosing to adhere to whatever performances they have going on, whatever perceptions they have going on that they want to feed, whatever ways they want people to think of them. Cool, I get it. That's your life does not have to be yours. So at any moment, you can stop and make a different choice. And it won't be easy, but it can happen, and once you do it enough and you get into practice with it, it will be second nature and you'll be able to say no without thinking twice, and that person will have to acquiesce to what your boundary is. And if they don't, that's another way to begin to come into yourself and say, I either accept that, do what I want anyway, continue to love them, but I won't let it affect my stress levels or my internal world. Or you get to say, and now I'm done. If you don't respect my boundaries, if you don't actually see me, and you only want me to make choices that make you feel safe, that make you feel comfortable, then I cannot and I will distance myself. It's up to you how you want to flow with that. But the option is yours, and the choice is on the table for you whenever you are ready to make it. If you are so boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, and it takes lots of practice. But just be present with yourself because I found, especially when it comes to establishing boundaries, the fear really is most heavy and prevalent before you set it. Once you set it and move through the kind of cringe around that and give yourself the opportunity to feel uncomfortable with even taking back the power in your life, it disappears very fast. Just act on it more and more. The more you do it, it's a muscle. It will work, it will become true. And you also create space so that more people that kind of mirror that level of boundary, that mirror that sovereignty within themselves, that autonomy within themselves, that internal guidance. You'll find more people like that that will be in your life that will mirror that back to you, that will be able to support that version of you. So be present, Let it move slowly, it's not going to happen in a day, and pray about it. I believe anytime I've needed to set a new boundary, I always say an active, present prayer with God and with the universe that this is my intention, this is my desire. As long as I making this intention from a space of integrity, from a space of truth. Please support me and making it real. God, Please give me ease, God, cover me and grace, allow this to happen in the twinkle of an eye. Allow this to happen with the flow that best benefits and supports all concerned. And I believe that whenever we do anything for the highest good, we can call in that level of support and just say, please allow this to be for the highest good of all concerned, this or something better for the highest good of all concerned. That the words of two of my favorite teachers, doctor Ron and Mary Holnick, and using that terminology really really has blessed my life over the years. I have another question. This one is about me. Do you want more children? I think I am very open to having more children. I have an absolutely incredible five year old son. I'm an only child. My son currently is being raised as an only child in our house.

And.

And.

He definitely wants siblings. Good God, he lets me know every day. I think I'm definitely at a point now where I am so open to having more children if That's God's plan for my life. And I think that if I don't have the opportunity to have more children. I feel incredibly blessed to be the mother of my son, and I'm just so present with that experience. But yeah, I think I'm very open to having more children. I'd love to have maybe two or three more at some point. So we'll see what God has in store, We'll see what pathway is made clear. This is a really beautiful question, and I'm sorry the question about the children. What's up, Tatiya, And I also have another question for Maya that I love, which is how do you overcome loneliness as a woman. Ooh, this is a beautiful question because with nine billion people on this planet, there's billions of people that experience loneliness. So I think first connecting to the understanding that that is one of the felt parts of the experience of being human and it's not something that you necessarily have to run from. I know that very often loneliness is depicted as something that's just like so decrupit like so tragic, and sometimes that can be the case, especially depending on what our individual lives have looked like so far. But sometimes loneliness it's really an invitation to create space and time to get to know yourself better and to find ways to meet your own needs, and to find and create delight in your life, to find and create more self love in your life. So whenever I happen to be in a season of loneliness, which absolutely happens, I mean something that I think many may have connect to do is that you can even be in a room full of people and feel lonely. You can be in a room with people that love you and do see you and feel lonely. It's just one of, to me, those deeper feelings that lets us know that something needs our attention. So sometimes that loneliness can that need can be met by getting creative and actively seeking out new community, new connections, new ways to be present with others, ways to expand in your intimate connection with others, all kind of intimacy mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, social. But I've also found that my seasons of loneliness end up being some of the most profound times of my life. So whenever I happen to be in a season that feels a little lonely, I kind of really take stock of myself. What's going on? What am I quote unquote missing, what am I perceiving? Myself to be missing. What are ways that I can kind of investigate that surrender to that. Sometimes it's really just having the surrender and being really honest with yourself about the fact that loneliness is the present feeling that tends to be a word that a lot of us want to run from because we think it means something about us, or we think it means that you're lacking something, or it's because you're unlovable or unworthy, or you know, not valuable enough. But loneliness can also be a beautiful, sometimes silent companion that challenges you and catalyzes you to seek out deeper meaning and deeper purpose and opportunity to get to know yourself more and to be with yourself more deeply, So get connected with what that word means to you. I always encourage others to look up definitions of words lonely, loneliness and see how much that definition is actually being felt by you, or what definition you're giving it, What you're taking that experience or that feeling to mean about you, what you take it to mean about your worth, Investigate the historical context of it. How long have you felt lonely? How often in your life? Throughout your life have you felt lonely? When did you first notice that feeling? Is this an ache or loneliness from childhood? Does it connect to a sense of not being seen by the people in your life and in your community. And if that's the case, there are certain pathways you might take, like seeking out more community, talking about your childhood, investigating your childhood, finding opportunities to cultivate a more robust relationship with the quality with the verb of love. Noticing what is it in you that feels lonely? Is it a lonely and an intellectual loneliness? Are you not around enough people that you can be your full, creative, expressive self with. Is it a loneliness around purpose, a loneliness around what you do and how you do it? Is it a sexual loneliness? Are you just craving the feeling of another physical body of having sexual expression? Is it a loneliness that relates to the quality and the depth of friendship, of connection, a familial relationship in your life? You know, I think get clear on what does that lonely look like and feel like to you in your unique life and inside of your body, and then you can get a little more clear on what is the need that really wants to be seen by me right now and is there an opportunity to meet that need more deeply? Can I meet that need? Or should I really be seeking out opportunities to expand my community and to get some help There can also, especially from a short term but a very expansive view, very often be remedied with creating pockets and experiences to have more delight and pleasure in your life. Whenever I'm in a season of loneliness, which sometimes happens, and what I've noticed that for me, a lot of loneliness starts to creep in when I'm really really busy with work and when i just have a lot on my plate as a mom, because those are the moments that I'm most disconnected from that innate, spiritual essence and yumminess of myself. If I'm too busy, if I'm overscheduled and overprogrammed, then I don't get to be with my innate self as much, and then I feel lonely, I miss myself, I crave myself. When sometimes I'm in a season as a single mom of just having a lot more on my plate as a mother, you can feel lonely because you're not in as many adult conversations. Your focus is more on play, or you know your child's needs in childhood, which can feel foreign because they're kind of far removed from your experiences with them. And so when I notice that, it's it's always a call to me to say, Okay, you know what makes you light up, So let's seek out a few more opportunities to do that. Let's take something off your schedule, let's add something to your schedule. So I'll usually seek out, you know, friends in my life, or you know, I might go on a few more have a few more romantic experiences, or you know, different things that just let me use other facets and other dimensions of who I am. And when I get opportunities to be my full self, those are the opportunities that I very rarely feel lonely, So I look to meet that need personally in that kind of a way. Add more beauty to your life. That always kind of soothes any feelings of loneliness that I may be having. Beauty and creativity deeply.

He definitely wants siblings. Good God, he lets me know every day. I think I'm definitely at a point now where I am so open to having more children if That's God's plan for my life. And I think that if I don't have the opportunity to have more children. I feel incredibly blessed to be the mother of my son, and I'm just so present with that experience. But yeah, I think I'm very open to having more children. I'd love to have maybe two or three more at some point. So we'll see what God has in store, We'll see what pathway is made clear. This is a really beautiful question, and I'm sorry the question about the children. What's up, Tatiya, And I also have another question for Maya that I love, which is how do you overcome loneliness as a woman. Ooh, this is a beautiful question because with nine billion people on this planet, there's billions of people that experience loneliness. So I think first connecting to the understanding that that is one of the felt parts of the experience of being human and it's not something that you necessarily have to run from. I know that very often loneliness is depicted as something that's just like so decrupit like so tragic, and sometimes that can be the case, especially depending on what our individual lives have looked like so far. But sometimes loneliness it's really an invitation to create space and time to get to know yourself better and to find ways to meet your own needs, and to find and create delight in your life, to find and create more self love in your life. So whenever I happen to be in a season of loneliness, which absolutely happens, I mean something that I think many may have connect to do is that you can even be in a room full of people and feel lonely. You can be in a room with people that love you and do see you and feel lonely. It's just one of, to me, those deeper feelings that lets us know that something needs our attention. So sometimes that loneliness can that need can be met by getting creative and actively seeking out new community, new connections, new ways to be present with others, ways to expand in your intimate connection with others, all kind of intimacy mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, social. But I've also found that my seasons of loneliness end up being some of the most profound times of my life. So whenever I happen to be in a season that feels a little lonely, I kind of really take stock of myself. What's going on? What am I quote unquote missing, what am I perceiving? Myself to be missing. What are ways that I can kind of investigate that surrender to that. Sometimes it's really just having the surrender and being really honest with yourself about the fact that loneliness is the present feeling that tends to be a word that a lot of us want to run from because we think it means something about us, or we think it means that you're lacking something, or it's because you're unlovable or unworthy, or you know, not valuable enough. But loneliness can also be a beautiful, sometimes silent companion that challenges you and catalyzes you to seek out deeper meaning and deeper purpose and opportunity to get to know yourself more and to be with yourself more deeply, So get connected with what that word means to you. I always encourage others to look up definitions of words lonely, loneliness and see how much that definition is actually being felt by you, or what definition you're giving it, What you're taking that experience or that feeling to mean about you, what you take it to mean about your worth, Investigate the historical context of it. How long have you felt lonely? How often in your life? Throughout your life have you felt lonely? When did you first notice that feeling? Is this an ache or loneliness from childhood? Does it connect to a sense of not being seen by the people in your life and in your community. And if that's the case, there are certain pathways you might take, like seeking out more community, talking about your childhood, investigating your childhood, finding opportunities to cultivate a more robust relationship with the quality with the verb of love. Noticing what is it in you that feels lonely? Is it a lonely and an intellectual loneliness? Are you not around enough people that you can be your full, creative, expressive self with. Is it a loneliness around purpose, a loneliness around what you do and how you do it? Is it a sexual loneliness? Are you just craving the feeling of another physical body of having sexual expression? Is it a loneliness that relates to the quality and the depth of friendship, of connection, a familial relationship in your life? You know, I think get clear on what does that lonely look like and feel like to you in your unique life and inside of your body, and then you can get a little more clear on what is the need that really wants to be seen by me right now and is there an opportunity to meet that need more deeply? Can I meet that need? Or should I really be seeking out opportunities to expand my community and to get some help There can also, especially from a short term but a very expansive view, very often be remedied with creating pockets and experiences to have more delight and pleasure in your life. Whenever I'm in a season of loneliness, which sometimes happens, and what I've noticed that for me, a lot of loneliness starts to creep in when I'm really really busy with work and when i just have a lot on my plate as a mom, because those are the moments that I'm most disconnected from that innate, spiritual essence and yumminess of myself. If I'm too busy, if I'm overscheduled and overprogrammed, then I don't get to be with my innate self as much, and then I feel lonely, I miss myself, I crave myself. When sometimes I'm in a season as a single mom of just having a lot more on my plate as a mother, you can feel lonely because you're not in as many adult conversations. Your focus is more on play, or you know your child's needs in childhood, which can feel foreign because they're kind of far removed from your experiences with them. And so when I notice that, it's it's always a call to me to say, Okay, you know what makes you light up, So let's seek out a few more opportunities to do that. Let's take something off your schedule, let's add something to your schedule. So I'll usually seek out, you know, friends in my life, or you know, I might go on a few more have a few more romantic experiences, or you know, different things that just let me use other facets and other dimensions of who I am. And when I get opportunities to be my full self, those are the opportunities that I very rarely feel lonely, So I look to meet that need personally in that kind of a way. Add more beauty to your life. That always kind of soothes any feelings of loneliness that I may be having. Beauty and creativity deeply.

Wow.

Wow.

Another beautiful question that I have from Dominique is what are some healing methods I could use to reinforce my self worth. I love this question, so a lot of what that I have shared so far in answering these questions on this show actually fit really beautifully and seamlessly and powerfully into that question. We tend to feel a lack of self worth whenever we are disconnected from the core of who we are, when we're disconnected from our truth, from our authenticity, from our innate essence, from our gifts, from our purpose, even whether or not you feel that you have you know, identified your purpose or not, which I have a few episodes on that and a few more conversations actually I want to have around that. But our worth is inherent. You are worthy simply because you exist, period point blank. So the worth is there, whether or not we are able to notice and engage with and really appreciate the worth, you know, that's the part that we can get creative with. So if you're not feeling as innately worthy for being yourself, seek out more opportunities to be yourself, to figure that piece out. What are your likes and dislikes. Disengage from whatever the zeitgeist of the time is, whatever the trend of the time is, whatever is being touted and hailed as what's worthy or valuable of this moment in time. You know, we're coming out of a huge decade where what was deemed by society and civilization is worthy was a lot of surface level stuff that actually doesn't mean anything. A lot of it was rooted in hustle culture and productivity, in self promotion, in worldly validation. A lot of it was rooted in our bodies. What does your body's shape look like? How you know? How do you do your makeup? How do you do your hair? How do you position yourself on the gram? How are you perceived? How many photoshoots are you doing? Right? Like? Let society tell it. And that's what where you find worth in the last ten years. And of course that's ridiculous, it's not true at all, And it's very slowly now beginning to you know, we're unweaving ourselves from that. So first, what does worth mean to you? What is what does worth mean to you? How? What would make you feel worthy? How are you measuring your worth? When you get clear on the containers that you hold your worth within, the structures that are in place that allow you to see yourself as worthy or not, then you get to get really really creative with that curiosity, So lean in to your understanding of worth with curiosity, remove judgment, try to come into a place of neutrality. Notice if there are any original wounds that have kept you from your innate sense of worth, whether that was programming that was put into you in childhood experiences, you've had trauma, ways that you've been treated or received by others, And again, bring that back into your own awareness and say, is any of that true? Does any of that actually make me worthy? And who said so? And why do I measure my worth in that way? Say it with grace, say it with gentleness, say it with neutrality, remove judgment from it, but be honest with yourself. Do you feel disconnected from your worth because you're comparing it to what you are projecting as the worth of another? And then you can really come in with some creativity, with some beauty, with some intention, with some perspective, and see and uncover the real truth of who you are and your worth. And the more you do practices like I've been sharing through this episode, like getting present, getting still, connecting to meditation, connecting to breath work, connecting to nature, connecting to greater understandings, of what is joyful and valuable that are not just connected to what you see on Instagram or what other people are doing. The radiance of your worth has a chance to grow and expand and permeate your life in ways that you cannot even fathom. Even connecting to a beautiful affirmative practice like looking at yourself in the mirror, looking in your own eyes, especially on the days that you don't want to, and just witnessing yourself beholding yourself with your eyes and not looking away. That grows worth Saying affirmative statements to yourself some as simply as I am worthy, I am worth it, even if you don't feel connected to what a definition of that means, looking at yourself and saying it over again, that's word magic and unlock something in you. It will loosen and shift and remove residue that has been in your heart and in your eyes for far too long. It will do it or connecting with maybe a affirmation that is a lot more bespoke to your unique experience and needs. And I do have an episode on that I believe a few seasons back on affirmations, but one that I will share with you in this moment and extend to you that I wrote for myself some years ago, is I am a precious child of God living in the mastery of my most loving and authentic self, exercising jol discipline and leading from my soul's center. That affirmation has grown miracles in my life. And it's something that I would say to myself, looking myself in the eyes, over and over and over again. It was something that was always true, but by repeating it over and over again, I was able to surrender to the truth of it, which allowed me to actually feel that truth in my life, which then allowed me to live that truth and for everyone else to see that truth within me. So I hope that's helpful, and we'll do one more question. Let's see. Oh. I love this question, So Julius asked me. The question is when was the last time, if at all, you felt meditation wasn't as effective as you needed it to be. I love this question because I think one of the biggest misconceptions about connecting to a daily practice, a spiritual practice, and especially a meditative practice, is that you start doing it and then life becomes perfect. It's all puppies and unicorns from there, and rainbows and yes, that is true sometimes, but no, the challenges of life, sometimes, the monotony of life, it's just the really reality of being alive. So I think, first, I'm an acceptance of the fact that life doesn't have to feel good all the time to be worth living it. And I'm an acceptance of the fact that every day is going to be a little bit different based on the unique chemistry of where I am in my life and where I am in my world, my personal world, and the greater world around us. So sometimes I still get frustrated in meditation, or I'll get a little bored or a little restless, and that's what I need. That's when I usually know that I need to carve out more time for it, and so I'll try to create more pockets to do it more and more intentionally. I also say, I like to get creative with my meditation. So I've been meditating for over ten years now, and when I first began, you know, I really kind of started with five minutes a day. Then I moved up to twenty, then to thirty, then to an hour, and then sometimes I'll be in seasons where I do two hours of meditation a day, which is a little bit more of an advanced practice, but it's incredibly, incredibly powerful and nourishing for me in my life. Whenever I feel like my meditation isn't sinking me in as deeply or I don't feel as regulated or rejuvenated with when I finish, I look to see, One, do I need to do it for more time? Two? Do I want to change the location that I do it in? Is there something in the area that I happen to be in that is maybe holding charge for me or not feeling as easeful for this experience of meditating and meditating you need to be able to come into deep relaxation. You need to let your body come down, your shoulder to really relax, your jaw to relax. So maybe changing the environment you're in can do that. Maybe changing the scent that's present, you know, observe. Is there a different point in your day that maybe you want to do meditation. If you do it in the morning, maybe for a little bit, switch it up, do it in the afternoon. If you do it in the afternoon, switch it up, do it in the morning, maybe do it in the evening. Practice Another style of meditation test out a guided meditation, which you know. Of course, I have to say the choper app has some of the best ones. You can meditate with me every day on there, or do a Mantha based meditation. Get creative with it. Creativity is always the cure. Get creative with your practice. You might want to bring in a different style of breathwork pranayama. You might want to bring in some maudras, which are specific hand placements. Very often we see the placement that is our index and our thumb kind of just point it together and the other three fingers of ours kind of in the number three next to it, and that's beautiful mudra. But maybe you want to switch it up, and maybe you want to do one that you can do over your womb, or you want to connect all of your fingertips, and again that is a term, you know. Don't just clean all of the information you need from this answer. Take a moment and google meditation, moodrus, m u d raes, moodras. Those are different hand postures that you can use to activate different energy within your body. Google different meditation positions. You might not want to sit cross legged. You might perhaps want to try a bended knee style of meditation or laying down or changing the positioning of your body. But there's a lot of ways to get creative with meditation. The core of it is stillness and silence, but there is a lot we can play around with to make it a little more active and dynamic in our lives or a little slow, lower and more present and nourishing in our lives. So get creative and have some fun with it. We are at our time. I hope that these questions were useful. I hope that they're meaningful. And again, you are your own guru, So continue seeking. Take the things that I shared, some of them will fit, and then spend some time being your own active researcher and investigator, and look for experts in the spaces that you're interested in. Look for people that have embodied the work that they teach. Don't just look for tips and tricks and hacks. That is not how you change, that's not how you transform. It just isn't. It's slower pace, it's long term embodyment. It's metabolizing the information and bringing it into your body. So look for teachers and guides on your path that can really reflect that. Do their lives look like the totality of the work they say they do on themselves and study with them, read their works, and then also see with your own guidance and intuition what feels true for you, what does your body want? If you take enough time to slow down and ask it, it will give you an answer, and take the opportunity to listen when it does. We'll connect next episode. Thank you for joining me on this show as always, thank you for all of the ratings and the written reviews. And one last thing that I want to share. I got a couple of reviews about the commercials that were played on this show. We were featuring, I believe, through the network commercials about true crime stories, and I want to let you know that I heard that feedback from the couple of people that reached out, and I shared it with the amazing network that I'm on, which is Black Effect in iHeart, and it was very easily and universally agreed that commercials that may have triggering content that tell triggering traumatic stories will no longer play on this show. I am so grateful for the team sweeping in and universally saying yes to that request and desire, and I'm so grateful for the few people that wrote me emails and left reviews that let me know that those commercials were triggering. I don't always hear commercials because when I listen to this episode, I listen to it before we submit it to the network, so I don't ever hear commercials in it. And I think when you have a podcast, we don't really know what commercials will play or won't. We just share the show and then all of that other programming comes in, just like it does on TV. You know, people that start in the shows that you're watching on TV don't see or really know about the commercials and the advertisements that you might be fielding on the breaks of that show. And so that very much is the same truth here. But now that it's been brought to my attention very gratefully, I can say that there will not be any of that content on this show anymore. So thank you write review, you share this episode so much. Love to you. Spend time in the crevices and in the self inquiry No mistays days day. Connect with me on social at Debbie Brown that's Twitter and Instagram, or you can go to my website Debbie Brown dot com. And if you're listening to the show, on Apple Podcasts Don't Forget, Please rate, review, and subscribe and send this episode to a friend. Deeply Well is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Network. It's produced by Jacqueis Thomas, Samantha Timmins, and me Debbie Brown. The Beautiful Soundbath You heard That's by Jarrelen Glass from Crystal Cadence. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.