How are you. I'm good. Uh, it's it's good to see. I feel like this is the first week that you and I really haven't talked all that much during the week between podcasts. Um. The reason I think you and I didn't talk a lot during the course of the week is because this weekend I had to deal with an offer from a porn site to do play by play of live videos. Yeah, I was gonna ask you about this, a one million dollar offer to do. I didn't dig into the specifics of it. I kind of I left them at hello. But to do actual play by play of porn for some website I've never I read about it as well. It sounded like it was like a cam website where I guess you pay money and you know there's girls on cams and stuff, and you know it's a live situation. So I don't know, but I think would that be no, I mean, can you imagine that how terrible that would be a for me trying to put my voice to to this going on and be if you're on there listening to somebody give play by play of what's going on. It's just it's the dumbest idea I think I've ever heard of. It was a publicity start. Yeah, but you know, a million dollars is a million dollars. Now, if you didn't have a contract with Fox, I think you'd be considering this. By the way, everyone has their price. Okay, so you know, would you do it for twenty million m Yeah, yeah, so you know everyone has a price. You know, I'll do it. I'll do it for five hundred thousand, just in anyone's listening. I had my mom convinced that I accept did the offer, and she's eighty, She's totally with it and great and the best mom I've ever had. And she's like, well, you are classier than that, you are better than that. You've been brought up better than that. That's just I can't imagine that. I had her convinced that Michelle was a part of it, and she was I was doing play by play and I'm like, no, Mom, listen, mom, it's gonna be tastefully done. It's not gratuitous. It's something that I would be proud to show you. And she basically hung up on me. I mean, basically, what you're doing is just an updated version of Howard Cosell and Woody Allen and Diane Keaton. Remember when Howard Cosell calls their love making? Oh yeah, exactly what movie was that? That was Annie Hall? So everything just comes back around. That's so. But should have done it in a like a how but count a gentleman, look at this lovely lady. I'm not even gonna go down the path. I'm not going to start, because that's that's the one thing that people will lift out of this this I'm not gonna say podcast, podcast, and that's what's gonna be taken and shoved around the internet. You know. But your response was amazing. You know that that's really what what caught the eye of a lot of people, because fucking hysterical that you're basically just gonna be giving money back to them. Yeah, I said, if they're gonna pay me a million dollars, I'm pretty sure, depending on the website, that they're just gonna be handing some of my money back to me. So that just got a reaction because I don't think people again, it's yeah, I guess it's a funny line. And I sat there with Michelle, like should I do this? Should I send this? I showed her the screenshot of it, I'm like, do I put this out there? And she was kind of on the fence, and then I sent it and then it just like went wildfire, And I don't find it's not the funniest thing I've ever said. But I think for people that don't know me or think that I'm one way to read that from somebody that's perceived in some quarters of the universe is being like some stiff, like dorky play by play guy. I think it was. It was jarring, and you've become You've become less of a dorky stiff play by play guy. Yeah, but wait till I show up for the first time after this whole thing is over on air and my hair, my hair is going to be completely whatever's left of my hair is going to be completely white. I think you should totally roll with that. I think you should come Yeah, you should come back on the air as an entirely different Joe Buck, white hair, white beard, totally different voice. To start mimicking your father, that's that you need to do. People like what happened happened right? He showed Buck he didn't have a few for he did not have tightness in his lungs, but somehow he morphed into his father during quarantine again, everybody, and welcome to a beautiful day at the ballpark. That'd be great. It's it's would be great once you know what this week is. This week is the NFL Draft, which is going to be the first live pseudo sporting event that will transpire in the United States of America during this quarantine pandemic locked in. How do they plan on doing this? They're gonna do it like we're doing it now via zoom, and it's all gonna be everybody's in their own home, I mean, gentlemen. I think Roger Goodell, the commissioner in the NFL's calling the picks out of his basement in New York or wherever he lives. But it's gonna feel like the X Games as far as like the intensity of it's like, oh my god, this is something new. We're not watching Tiger, We're not this is something Oh my god, Joe Burrows a Cincinnati Bengal And it's just gonna be like they're gonna be tears and it's gonna have nothing to do with the draft. Picks is gonna be every sports fan on their couch like, oh, I think who's going to I think they should go super low fi where Roger Goodell isn't in basement is picking paper out of like a bowl of some kind. Should they should like with the old voice of Bengals, she should adopt a new voice. Yeah, it's you know, but it's true. It's it's exciting. But you also have the Jordan documentary that came out last night. That's another you know, big time um premier. Everyone's been awaiting, but it's still old, it's still history. This is right right right, I'm saying future. Yes, I've I've never been a draft guy. I never watch any any drafts. It's boring as ship to me. Are you going to tell me that you won't be this year? It's gonna will just to watch it the way, just to watch the way they're going to try to go about doing it. That that will be exciting to me, you know what I mean. After you get through the first three or four picks, you know, and then it's some like offensive lineman from Kentucky and I'm like, okay, no, yeah, no, that's and I'm covering these guys and I'm like okay, you know, and everybody weighs in. You know you are you going to have to do work? Are you doing work right now? And I'm doing something on No, I do nothing on it. I'm doing an interview on NFL Network, which I think is right at the top of the draft at eight o'clock Eastern on Thursday. It starts on Thursday night, but they're not covering the actual draft. I believe it's only on ESPN, So I'm doing something online could very well be on NFL Network. I might be wrong about that, but we're doing something on their website where I'm being interviewed by Rich Eyesen and Dion Sanders and some other people. I think about, you know, life in and what we're doing during this. I can't wait to bring my porn stories to the to the table with and hey, guys, if this, if this keeps going, you know, the porn stories are gonna look better and better and better. You know, why do you counter counter at twenty see what happens? Because I would lose my job. I mean I would lose my job and I don't want Hey, I don't want to do it. Be if I were a subscriber, I wouldn't want to hear it. And see I would lose my job. So see, I think here's what I think. I think C is the truth. I think A and B you're just fibbing, because how could you not want to do it? That would be hysterical. You'd be amazing at it, by the way, it would be hysterical once and then it would be annoying and stupid. But no, So somebody there was a big press release and a writer I know sent me the press release and it was I started looking at some of the details because it cracked me up, and it was like twenty videos a day, and it was more work than I've ever done in my life. But but so so, just for everyone knows, this was a real offer, meaning like they actually came with a contract of some kind or at least an idea of what you would have to do for this million, a public offer with details in it. I could probably pull it up. In fact, I will try. As we were sitting here talking, that's just too good, too good? How is your How was your week? Though? Otherwise? Everything good? How your children's everybody's good? You know? We? Uh? We played Monopoly last night for the first time in all of our lives. I hadn't played Monopoly. It wasn't the last time you played Monopoly. So funny you say that. Um, this winter in Colorado, I hadn't played in a hundred years. I played Monopoly with with Kate and and Danny and a bunch of people, and it was actually fun. It's a long acage game though it's so long. We had to uh it was my wife are two pairs, and then my girls, my daughters, and we had to actually like tap out, take a picture of the board, take a picture of what we owned and how much money we had, and it's like see, you know, yeah, week or so you have to get into you have to really invest and know the kind of time that you're gonna put into it. Now with Kate and Danny and Michael and my brother in law's and and you know that side of the family, they apparently play a lot and I played with them and it gets intense, like it gets super competitive and there's all kinds of trades happening, and you know, it gets it's fun. We're we're more in the sort of candy Land zone, you know that that's what we are. Yeah, but that's fun. I mean, that's so fun. It's and I know you guys are you guys are big into video games and I my daughters never were, and I'm I'm I'm assuming that my son's will be at some point, but so I never did the video game thing. But just the idea of sitting down with them is when they're your kids ages and playing a board game would be just awesome. It's really fun. But you know, my oldest, my old Wilder, it doesn't include himself in the video games. I mean, sorry, sorry, in the board games, because he is playing video games and he's he's he's going through puberty right now, you know what I mean. And you can totally tell his armpits are starting to stank, number one, and you can see this sort of shift in his attitude. You can almost feel his hormones, you know, pulsing through his body because he's just got this sort of a loof thing now and again you know where it's like I don't want to do that, or you know it kind of kind of moby or I'm I all right, you know, his little Pubert, his puberty is is pumping right now to him about that stuff. Yeah, you know, no, no, I mean, you know the song um that commercial liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty. You know, so I've now I changed it to puberty. So like puberty, puberty, puberty, puberty. When he starts giving me shit and he hates it and h but he hates it so much that you know, he actually came to me, He's like, can you not do that? And I'm like, all right, sorry, it was actually getting on his nerves. Um, but no, I am. You know, we talked about it. You know, I just sort of tell him. I don't have a sit down with him and say, you know, this is what your body is going through. And you know, I just said, look, you're going through puberty. This is why you're feeling angry and frustrated, and you know it's all good, you know, and I will react accordingly as a dad. I can. I need to be patient with that. You know. We never had the Birds and the Beest talk ever. They just figured it. I don't know, if I don't know if an at this world, in this world now, with all that's out there, I mean, I think it's almost uh impossible to believe that you would have to. I think you need to get your thoughts across on how all that manifests itself in his life, in your boys lives. But I'm sure they've seen stuff that you have no idea they've seen. Oh god, I've had Oh my god, well, Bodie and they walked in on them looking at stuff. Oh god, well, well, so grat This is when Rio was a little baby, right, Aaron and I were in Rio's room and the boys were in my bedroom. They were watching some sort of like SpongeBob, you know, movie. And I come into my room after putting Rio down with Aaron, and the TV is off and Wilder is under the covers and Bodie is like trying to hold in some sort of a laughter or cry. I don't know what he sums up, and I'm like, what's going on? Eyes and nothing. They're all weird. They didn't answer me. I turned the TV on boom fucking crazy porn. Just I mean, I was like, god like, I ran in front of the TV. Aarond like jumps across the bed to shield them, and we're like, holy shad. And the TV is not going off. Of course I'm pushing against it, and finally I get it off while there's like traumatized bodies laughing his ass off. I'm like, what happened? What is going? What? What what happened? And they're like, we didn't we did did the SpongeBob ended? And I just pushed. I pushed channel Channel Channel enter, enter enter. Okay. So then I went back to the TV, the movie station they were on. I went channel down, channel Dan, channel down, Enter, Enter, enter, and it literally takes you to some like you know, porn oh t on the on like a Playboy thing and enter enter enter means they just bought it for like eleven bucks or whatever. And that's what happened. And it was like I didn't know what to do or say. I have an answer for everything. And I was like, okay, um that is um it's not sex. I can't say the sex because he was so insane, like I hadn't. I was like, all right, you know what, I don't know, I don't know what to say. Go to bed. So I gotta figure this out. I gotta think about how I'm gonna approach this. So, yes, they have by accident seeing stuff, and then you know, I've seen Bodie's iPad, you know, and I've had I've had a talk with him just recently. You know where he types in like boobs or naked girls or whatever. The problem is is when you type that into a search bar. Now, it's not just like you know, some pin up girl. It's like a guy with like a seventeen inch dick, you know, having anal or something. And you're just like, holy crap. And and I said, look, man, I said, this is totally natural. I said, I'm not mad at you, number one. I just want you to be clear about that. This is normal to want to see these things. But this is not reality. Okay, what you just saw here is not reality. It's it's entertainment, you know, it's honestly, it's for adult people to look at. This isn't how it really goes down. You know. I tried to have that kind of a that's good a talk with them, you know, just to be straight up, you know, I mean, so yeah, you know it it's uh, it's it's real. And I've been dealing with that or had had dealt with that, and and he was great, he was great, and so far, you know, so good, you know, because I didn't have parental locks on the on the on the iPad. And I said, look, buddy, I can do that you know, do you do do you need me to do that? Or can I trust you? Man? He says, you can trust me, and I do. I trust him? So you know, I believe that he won't he won't go there again. And I said, if you have questions, come ask me, dude, like we can talk about it. You know, there's nothing better than being able to trust your kids. And I, unless I was completely naive, I knew of my daughters did stuff throughout high school, the early years of high school and stuff that I had no idea about, but they never really gave me a reason to not trust them. So I was operating on you know, we can go along here on this. What I think is like this eye to eye level, and until you give me a real reason to worry or a real reason to not trust you, I'm gonna trust you. And thankfully that pretty much. I mean, yeah, did they get in trouble a couple of times, but nothing crazy. And I and now I mean the young adults that they are at twenty twenty three, I would rather hang out with them than ninety five of the people that are my age that I've always hung out with. I just get more of a kick out of being with younger people. I get more out of a kick out of just seeing how they see the world and how they're forming opinions. That's why playing Monopoly it was so fun because that it's like my older daughters finally kind of getting even as silly as this sounds, and she's more worldly at this point. But you know, the idea of rent, the idea of now you know, you just landed on my property and now I have a house on it, and the rent just went up. And if you're gonna or the utilities and even what the hell utility is, that's how sheltered in some ways they've been because Daddy's been there to kind of make everything easy. Like about last week, and you want to just go, oh yeah, throw throw whatever you can, whatever resources you can to make their life as smooth and as simple and as care free as possible, because you just want to see him. You want to see him smile, you want to see him, I know, but sometimes you gotta burdened. You got to kick him out, I guess, but I didn't get kicked out. I mean, you know, it's like full disclosure. I lived at home until I was twenty four years old. Okay, I had a good I was in l A, I lived at my I was in my childhood bedroom. I had food, I had everything, and you were acting. Yeah, but I wasn't. I wasn't acting. I was. I was. I had the sort of you know, the label as an actor, but I haven't. I hadn't even really done ship because I was complacent. I had nothing to work for. So I decided on my own. I said, you know what, I got to get out of here. I've got no drive. And so I moved out of my house. And I didn't have a lot of money. You know, my parents, um were you know I they weren't. They didn't give me a lot of money. I mean, look, the reality is I knew that. Of course they're not gonna, you know, let me starve. But I moved into an apartment and didn't and I could afford like first month, last month month security and like maybe four or five months, you know. But I was like, I'm just gonna go for it, and um, I put that kind of pressure on myself and then I got my first gig. So so it's funny how that works. I mean, that's it's the same thing with my daughter. Who's acting and and just starting out and got a roll on Blue Bloods and whatever. But there's no money. There's no real money in that, so it's at least at this point. So yeah, she would be funny if all of a sudden the rent checks stopped and now she's you know, that's when this theoretical job at Starbucks that's been being kicked around for about the last four years, I would actually probably come to fruition where she would have to make money on the side, and going to auditions or being on these jobs for a day don't really, that's not putting food on the table if right, well, here, here, here's the thing. And like, you know, we could easily get a lot of hate from talking about this kind of stuff because we're very fortunate. We grew up fortunate, our kids are fortunate. We're very lucky, there's no doubt about it. But being spoiled, in my eyes, is not about how much. It's not about sort of a money thing. You know, there are plenty of people who do not have a lot who are spoiled. You know. My parents, you know, definitely tried to instill in us a work ethic, this idea that we are are so lucky and we're but we're we're you're not living in the real world, and we're You're not just gonna get everything, you know what I mean, it's spoiled as a state of mind. You know, I think jerk and being entitled and being well. We talked about that with with al I think with Alex Right or Mark Cuban. I think, yeah, but but that's that's that is true, and I I've certainly. I mean, when I started Triple A Louisville, I was making three hundred bucks a month and I was either going to do that and I was that was every day, basically all day being employed. There just was no money in it. My dad split the rent with me, but I had to. I mean, I was pouring everything I earned into trying to make Ramen noodles for dinner. I mean, I'm not saying it was a hard knock life, but yeah, it's it's my dad came from zero. I came from a you know, really good place, and then my daughter. It's just a failing of mind because I'm in a fortunate position where I feel like, you know, I just wanted to be all good and I'm probably failing on some level, making her kind of earn a little more to have ownership of of her own life, which you know, but it's a hard it's it's an interesting balance because you know, if you want to protect your kids, but but that's life, you know, you and I and and you think the same way I do. Like if somebody's on here listening to this and they go these assholes, you know, they don't know, they don't know what real problems are. Yeah, I I agree. I mean, I've been fortunate to be employed since but I've were I have worked hard. I've I've been employed in working full time since I was nineteen. So it's and I'm lucky and fortunate and everything else. But you know, if you don't like it, then that's just my life. I can't I can't make something up or I'm not I don't really feel like hiding something because it may be off putting to somebody that I'm not complaining about it. I'm just saying this is the way it is in my yes, And and so normally I never respond to people on Instagram who write hateful things or whatever because that's their own issues, you know. Um, and I can respect sort of the way that they're feeling and whatever they're saying. It doesn't really Most of the time, it doesn't even have much to do with me. But this one guy did write something and I responded, um, and I'm gonna read it. He goes. I just listened to the Mark Cuban episode of Daddy Issues. I love the show. But you two, acting like you somehow had it harder than others because your parents are rich and famous is ridiculous. You have no idea none. You were both born on third and think you hit a triple you cannot possibly understand it or relate to someone in the real world. You mentioned your parents limiting the amount of allowance you've got. I was lucky to have food to eat. You lost a listener today. Also, my father was absent also, so what get over it? You were given everything. I'm gonna lose everything I've worked for for over thirty years because of COVID nineteen. And you too have the nerve to try to act like you have any clue about the real world. And then I wrote, I again, I never right back to people, but I felt compelled to, honestly because I felt bad too. I mean, you know, um, so then I wrote. I wrote back to him, I said, so sorry, my man, sincerely I am, but you know nothing about me or my experience growing up. You see the surface of it. What you may read or think. Your perception based on this idea that everything is perfect because we grew up privileged. But that's all it is a perception. I can't speak for Joe, but you have no idea what I've been through in my life up to this point. This idea that money and being born on third makes you immune to emotional and physical pain is completely misunderstood. It doesn't mean shit. Life can fucking suck for everyone. That's simply a fact to some suffer more than others. Fuck yeah, but that doesn't diminish one's personal hell, whatever it may be. So I appreciate what you're saying and actually get the anger. I'm sensitive to it, and try to be mindful, especially now, about what people less lucky than I was, well about what people less lucky than I was are dealing with. But my story you'll never know, so try not to judge. We're just trying to bring some levity and insights into being a dad. Um. I didn't hear back, but I felt compelled. That's because he walked you. I felt compelled to ride him, you know, and and and uh, you know, look again, I get it. I understand that. But we don't know everyone's story. You know what, We're either gonna first of all our guests is here. But we're either going to be transparent and say how life is, or we're gonna hold stuff back and be fake because of the perception that might be created that we're privileged. So we got one of my best friends in the whole world, David Spade, who's coming on shortly. I think he's my best friend. He probably doesn't think that I'm his best friend. You actually have something in common, Joe, because he gets upset with me all the time about not texting him back and calling him back. And you know, he's very central to that, very sensitive to that. It's annoying. And so do you think he would even like I know you were on a show with Spade, but do you think if you guys were walking down the street and you came across David Spade would be like hey, it would it be like hey, Oliver, or would it be Ali or do you I mean, you guys, are you guys are friends, right, Yes, of course we're friends. There he is, there is friend A lot were friends, Joe. I think you're closer to the truth where acquaintance is, where business associates. Yeah, I get that sense, I don't. I don't really, I'm not so sure I'm gonna know he claims you. I just don't know that you claim him. No, No, he got closer to our little our Indian counterpart on our show a theater. They became tight. Yeah. Uh, Oliver, why aren't you gonna be on camera? It's just me and Joe? Oh, I'm not. I just don't want you to see me. What do you mean I'm on camera? Joe? Do you see me? I see you? This is what you're going with, Oliver, Okay, you can see me. Yeah. I was just saying I don't love it, but I see Do you like my must bash? I like your Princess Leia headphone once the last time you two were actually in the same room. Dude, we're getting into the tough questions already. I think an aspect at New Year's Eve, that's right, that was fun. I came to see the old Spader less set. Oh yeah, Joe, I didn't stand up in Aspen over New Year's Eve. I think I did a New Year's Eve day No, no, no, on the second. Yeah, maybe on the second and uh, anyway, it was a huge hit. Joe blah blah blah killing blah blah. But but isn't Oliver. I mean, I've seen the whole New Year's celebration with Oliver. Doesn't it take you like three days to recover Oliver from from whatever some sort of weird drug you're on because mush You know when you do with mushrooms that there's not a big recovery right right there. I think you and Kate had a little side text going when I got there and you guys are like, hey, welcome in, Like, hey, you got the stuff? Yeah, okay, listen. It was a good set. It was a good set. Um, No, that was that was at your party. What I'm saying is when you guys were oh yeah, you stayed for a few minutes and then just dipped out like you normally do. And then but at the stand up so your party was really fun and then the stand up show was fun too for different reasons. It was just fun. Yeah, it was so you enjoy David, you enjoy. I feel like you know, not knowing you hardly at all, I feel like you enjoy. Okay, take care, you've got it, got extra professional in the rooms. That Yeah, now we can really do a podcast. Let's cut his ass out, that fucking contest winner Jesus right the in and out of the hot I'm sorry, David. Let me apologize to you right now on behalf of the Daddy Issues podcast that typically we're more professional than this. But he's got his alarm buzzer going off every thirty two seconds. My kids are coming in and out of the house, you know what I mean, Like there's three of them. I can't control the madness. The sole fucking Zoom situation has not been good this morning. You hear that. Here it went again. My internet went down. My internet went down. It was I've been it's been fucked. Right now, I'm I'm on my wireless hot spot because I have no internet. There's currently an a V guy at my house. So I'm petrified of, like, you know, catching the coronavirus. You know it's been it's been an interest. That's why you're petrified. Thought maybe you know, you thought Aaron might take a liking no no, no, no, no no. So my question was gonna be but but hold on quick, but let's just go with that for a second. So Spade, come on, dude, I know this is your favorite story in the world. No, it's not. Spade, did bench Worth with Aaron and he when when Scaron I just started getting together. Spade with texting Aaron like like, what's the HAPs girl with the shoot today? Did your fun at the salad bar? Call Themorrow? Well? What's wrong with that? I mean I the same way, I'm only friends with Oliver to hang around Aaron a few times that I'm in l A or Cabo or wherever I am with these people. Erin's by far the better half of the Oliver Aaron combination. By the way, Joe, you run into Oliver announcement, which but he's such a like mountain man, and he's like, hang on, my kids and I are skitting an l I gotta get back. They're all like doing all this crazy ship. He's like Joe mountain man. He's like he's literally like quarantine boy, already out there? Did you text the take? I go, hey, I'm playing Aspen And then like three days a rearly. He goes, you're here now. I'm like, I was there for a week. I texted you, I left. Oh ship, dude, I want to come. No, you're not getting it's over. I gave your heads up at the time. I came with Kevin Farley where he's like, where's Oliver? I go, It's always funner if someone's in the crowd, you know, so Aspen's fun because he came and some other people. I knew it was pretty fun. But but you have you have the same experience that I have with Oliver that you cannot get him to respond to really anything. I know, but what's what's he waiting for? Samah, Like, who's the one where he's like, you know, yes, maybe he's not that busy. I do respond to you guys. You guys there. You guys are trigger happy. You don't give me time to even flake. You don't. I don't have time to flake. No, I just go Oliver, Like a a couple days later, I go, did he ever answer? Like, you don't have to be like like normal people, but you can same day I love Yeah, But you know what it's been. It's been better because we do the talk text thing now, which is much easier. So you know, we we've been we've been better. Um. By the way, quick question for Joe and Oliver you can listen to um Joe. Joe isn't fidgetty because he has to sit for these long sports things all the time. So he's probably got this wired where he's like, check, check, check, I have to sit for a long time. Here I go. Meanwhile, you're like, the most I can sit for three minutes and I got a fake chick. You know you should do. Oliver is also bring the kid in, like, hey, you crazy, get your prick and then now I'll get out right. One of our big podcasts, that one clambering you your kids, You're like, and then I want to Yeah, let's run with that one. Remember when you think, yeah, we keep it all in, dude, we keep it all in. And that's why when we ask about you know, you're the heartbreaking stories of your childhood, We're going to keep it all in. You know, Joe, I hit him up today, I go, wait, this is about my dad, right, so I'm gonna be falling all the time and reliving my Vietnam childhood. Now listen, Fatala listened to me, dude, I you know, I want you to I want you to talk. I want you to be on this podcast for a few reasons. First of all, you know I love you. And second of all, you are an amazing father, and I don't think a lot of people understand that or know what a great dad you are. I have seen you in action with Harper, and so that's one of the reasons that I wanted to bring you on. It's time to expose Spade, you know, to a totally different demographic, people who actually like him. You know, that's a new demographic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I Joe if he doesn't know what Joe broughtly did some research on me, just some combine stuff UM made does the forty Now. I had a kid at Harper and she's eleven, and it was from roughly eleven years ago, maybe eleven point nine. She is very sweet and it was not a thousand percent planned out, but I you know, luckily, great kid and so but she lives in Missouri. I live here. Um. You spend your life trying not to be like your dad in some ways, and there's something to my dad. I liked, but he he scrammed on us when I was four we were four, six and eight. Uh, this is where the viewers should dives table. Now, this is great spice. So just because Joe actually seems like he cares, he's a nice person, I do. I live in Missouri. Would you like me to raise your child for you? Oh? Ship, that would be a huge help. Yeah. The other day I go, hey, hard but we did a FaceTime which if she bothers to lift it up so I can see her. It's always like this, like chin, yeah. I go, one day you're gonna realize that's not the best look for a girl, but you know right now And she's like uhuh. I like the innocence of not knowing that's bad and one day she should be obsessed with her right now She's like what And I go, I talk And then you're in school. No, remember we're not. I'm like huh and I'm running out of like job, you know. And then hey, have you seen Brad Pitt? Her on that Who's up? I go, Brad Pitt the superstar from Springfield? Where you are? And she goes, I heard about that guy. I don't know. It's like a better looking version of me, and she goes, yeah, I don't know. I think we just gonna I don't know anyway. Harvard was fun talking. She's always your app it up, but you're you're underselling yourself. Come on, I I know I know you better than that. I'm fun with her, but she's always like going to commercial. I'm like, heartperk, what cravis it? What are you doing? Like you don't have to go anywhere? You're stalking to the house. She's like what. But she's sort of that. There's a funny thing with her because she's sort of quiet. And I told her she said she was an introvert this week, and she was, it's okay, I'm kind of inter never heard that word. Really, it's a lot of rs. I know. I'm with you. I'm like, how then does she know of even that word? So I go, oh, and then I didn't know. She felt weird about that. So I said, you know, that's funny because I was I was not always this superstar glamour guy. I um, I wasn't always this magnet of whatever. And so I said when I was in first grade, and she goes, I've heard this, and I go, first of all, you haven't Talkond of all, daddy's talking. Third of all, maybe you have her a shortened version, but I'm going to give the whole thing now because we're in quarantine. But I said, they asked mead it when I was in first grade. They asked me afterwards if I wanted to skip to fourth Joe, I read that you're smart my dad that I was my dad who was sort of poking his head in and out of my life. You know, my dad popped in to say, he's too much of a shrimp. You know, he's we we can't have him. He's already getting beat up by first grade if we don't want to trying to so me and they're being the means kid went down to fourth grade reading a math, and then and then I went from first to fourth, well, I went into second grade, but for reading a math, I would go down. I had no idea why you were that you were like a gifted. So was then yes, obviously you've seen the slide since the slide, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we call it the plummet. But uh. And then I went down there and reading a math, and I've come back and I'll be like, what's going on here? Mission we're doing the fraction? Like get confused because I'm like, I'm always down there. So you were good at math too, I would I would think it's obviously you'd be really verbal, but you were good at math as well. Uh, math was my thing for a while. Hit a wall in high school because my brother was cool and I was in like math stuff, and h after it's great. We went to high school and he was he was a junior when as a freshman, but all the schools merged and I was literally like I just got discovered by his friends. Oh oh many spaces here. He's so cool at white pel on hair and had all these components of coolness. I just didn't know the power I had. It was like I had the glove but didn't have all the stones on. But I literally had all the stones that long hand, skateboarder, cool, tan like nerdy, not really good looking, but I was tanned back then, and I came to school the first day with two casks. I broke both risks skateboarding in a pool, and so all the chicks were like Drentetrina Mountain, So I go, uh, what's up, gals. But then I was immediately cool and popular by association with my brother. So his cheerleader friends were just saying how to me, which is a freshman, and all the other schools merged, so it's sort of murky who was cool and it was being decided and all my friends in my school going, no way, he's earned as a gig. You don't understand. I'm like to late. It was wildfire. I was like later and so it's just like the movie Can't Buy Me Love, like literally every single movie. But I would walk, I see my old friends and I go, want you losers, go to some flash cards, Let's hit the assembly, new friends, let's sit in the front. So I was cool and then I got worn out by having a social so I grades went fucking mm hmm. Yeah yeah, but you know you didn't even need that for for what your life. I always said, I've said this before, but I go, I I can always pull them back. There's a couple of tremors, you know, like your grades are sort of like the dow. The first week of the quarantine. I got all good, it'll come back. I was like the president, It's all good. And so cut to sophomore year. My mom's like, I know, you're just fucking genius, and I was literally going, I want to go to Princeton. I want to go to see Santa Barbara. I don't love it. I'm not sold on it, but I like the area. Meanwhile, I get the senior unit have not pulled it back yet, and I tell my teacher on Mike's Counsel, I go, so, where are we at with the college? Everyone's scamming, so any word from Princeton or and she goes, if I pull some strings, I can get you in the community college across the street. Community college. I didn't, I go. I go, not even Barbas. She goes, fuck, now I go. I'll rip it up. Now where do you want me to just point me? I'll think a testcase. Your bombly gets over. It's already even decided. The community art at jokes Joe and the art jokes, and then I went to issue and sort of started stand up and bombed out and very little. But I feel like you must have had a hell of a mom, you know. I feel like you're and you still kind of answer to her when I watch your stuff online or Instagram and watch your show if she doesn't like a joke. I mean, I feel like you have the kind of open relationship with your mom. Where you can get real feedback from for for what my mom. My mom is the big fan. She is the best supporter to my brothers too, because you know, three boys. When when my dad's schedoogles, we were first of all, where did he schedaddle to? Just like a mile away we were. We were in Arizona and we my dad my dad's cataddle to Malibu. I mean that was that. We have a similar story, yeah, because we were in Michigan, right and we were I think my dad was in Michigan. We were four or six and eight. He said he took off for a few months. I didn't know this till about two years ago. My mom was like beautiful, sweep, but very nice, like the mom back then, the wife doing the right thing, like mad men. And she's like he was in sales always like these Martini lunches, and then work. God, when you could lie back then it was lines almost gone. It's horrible back then work what's that mean? What's work? Once? He did not nothing. We don't know where he works. So she's like always at work and meanwhile he's out cat and around and he would tell us we grew up, I was always a cat around and go, why are you bringing to me? That's my mom, So you couldn't keep my pants? I go, sir, So he's out there, and then two months later, my mom goes, I just was gonna put the house for sale. I hadn't seen him, so if she puts it for sale. Then he bumped in, Hey, what's all the bullshit going on here? Well, you're not here, and we no one knows what's happening. He goes, now, I got a job in Arizona. And she's like, oh, you could have come home day one and told me that. But okay, so he goes, We're off to Arizona. So we all moved to Arizona. And then he dumps so not even where he knows everybody, and like, so she's he pulled out of college when they got married. He is, you don't need gullege, so she's doesn't have a degree. She's doing two jobs, like temp jobs, like you know, the department store, and we're just three little rats. Just picture all of you know, three dudes and liked and we don't even know. We have no money, and like I want to give me an evil l SSP and all this ship we wanted and she tried and did she just let you guys run wild? I mean she did what she could, but it was like, here, go into the desert and just go overall was yeah, there's a few dropping in the desert when she went to work and picked us up after But that that all worked out. Now, that could have gone sideways, honestly, because we all had guns. We would all in the desert, were alone for eight hours back team, but we had everything covered. But basically it was growing up. And then he would pop in once twice a year. Why do I feel like not sorry? Sorry? Ali? Why why do I feel like not knowing you? Like Ali knows you or your good friends know you, but just from a distance, I don't feel like you're as wild as you purport to be. Is that is that already that accurately question than whatever he was gonna ask, um, Yeah this no, I I'm coming. I'm coming back to your dad. So so you'm sorry. The whole picture is you gotta know the mom too. So the dad is uh uh. I am a little less of a rager than its advertised, but I was. I did go through a little sniffy jiffy in college and stuff Joe just to cop just to get through the rough spots. Yeah, it would have been a full co cat if I had any money I was making, I was a valet party, I'd buy it quartergram for and that would have to last me and so if and it was the last time. I God, Cole, it was there was a guy in my college and I wish I could find him now because it was the best. And it's honestly never been any good I tried to have with that. I'm like, it's just I don't know that was did you Did you ever steal anything out of a valet when you're valeting? You're ever stealing out of the car? Yeah, Um, we would steal just from cars in general. Were going and we just pull into a parking on just go rip off. God, this sounds bad. Um. So I was a little party. But I was basically always a little nervous because as uh there you know the structure. No, Dad, we were always broke, so we're just trying to get by. So you couldn't really get in trouble a lot. You couldn't do this a lot because we knew we were I didn't want to stress my mom off that back and so I always was pretty behaved across the board. And then my brother all rose a little bit of a wild card, and then the dad pops in twice and here he's a nerf football you know what he's idea? Where did he live for real, like like seriously around around Scottsdale, but just a little garment departments And we go stay with him and he just go sleep on the floor and I go on the floor. Hey, life to Davy, how do you do it? And I go, Jesus Christ, I'm seven. So and then you take with the happy hour and we're like literally a bar where he just likes to drink and you know that's where we'd have a dinner. God, Oliver is so tired of me bringing this topic up. Uh, And I haven't done on the podcast. Yeah, but there's a movie Shila Buff wrote it and directed it, honey Boy, which is about his life and he plays his dad during the time when he was like the Disney you know, super Kid, and it's that same type. It's that same type of interaction with your father. No, that's peanut butter Falcon. Yeah, yeah, you're you're you're you're conflating your well, it it was a different it was a different time back then. That's like what men did, I guess, yeah, yeah, exactly. But getting good for you on what you want. You said something I think really important in there. Not to be serious for one second, but but you said it because you didn't really want to stress your mom out that bad. Your mom had been through enough. Like the last thing she needs is to, you know, scoot around after you picking up your messes. My owner brother, my owner brother was a sort of a man of the family news ten so I think that stressed him a bit, you know, so he would get in trouble. We lived in a city outside of Scotts that which was very tough, ten percent white, and we would all get in fights. But me and my brother Andy would puss out, walk to school, give me a lunch twenty handed to him. We didn't, you know, hey, we're all good here, right, you got money? Eight years and I go to class and then and then my older brother said fuck you, and he fed him. And then he just was getting beat up all the time. But he wouldn't take any ship. And so I was sort of envious that I I was a puss, but I was, you know what now look at you your nails. Yeah, I was just voted America's biggest pussy by some pole who runs that pole was it was their competitive on America's Top pussy. But I would go to school and honestly I would dress uh encloses to getting a fight. So if I went to a dad, if we went to the mall, I'd go. I have to wear this loose coat, case on beat. Should have maken fight back. At least I will lose. So I was always scared that was coming. Time we lived and then we get back. She marries my stepdad and he was a little longer, so then we have a new guy, right. I was about to ask about that your stepdad, because he did come in. He did. How long was he in the picture for though? He's probably about seventy years and he was a doctor and he was sort of nerdy but great guy. Looking back. The stepdad job is a tough one, obviously, we all know that. Uh, but my mom barely data we're together. She's very pretty and very fun, but she was just so focused on the kids. She had no time. And you know, they don't make them like that all the time either. You know, girls, now that about support is going to like classic surgery. She's like, oh, I should kick some of the kids to am I allowed, Yeah, you're allowed to give some of the child's look to the game. So, but you know how it is out there. And Los Angeles said, a lot of great moms, a lot of mom's. Your's the best man, you know. So you grow up and you and you learn to respect that what she's doing because you don't really know it then. And then now we all try to take care of her the best. You can't because she's And did your stepdad raise you at all? I mean, did he actually you know, impart any sort of wisdom to as a male or you know what he did? He was so in my mom he said, you know, he was sort of nerdy and not obviously didn't date love, but he said, you know what, I want to take care of you and take care of your kids. And he's like a good guy. My mom would go, this is what a man should be. Was so opposite. He wasn't as fun as my dad. My button. My dad was like Yessemite Samerson, and so he was more like I work, I'm a document but a little bit of a boozy Susie also runs in the Dad family step dad real dad. So he had problems with that big ones and you know my book, my older brothers getting in trouble. They didn't get along, you know. I was He was introduced me to coin collecting. What a nerd coin collecting. I got a shotgun, sheller loader. When I was ten, I got a deer rifle. I got a shotgun. I got in that hunting and shooting, and I was still skateboarding. But overall he liked that. He made me take German because he knew German. I'm like, this will be great. It was horrible. And then I remember when I had this girl over the house. I was like I got on to my room and everyone like scram you know. I was trying to get my first kissers. And she comes up and I it was so embarrassing. It was like a movie. I pull up my coin collection. She was like sort of a horror, you know, and I sort of run around the mountain. Everyone knew, like if she comes to your house, it's people. I'm so terrified of her. I'm finding ways not to kiss her. I'm like, I'm sure you're sabotaging. You're sabotaging every chance you have. And she's like this coin collection and then I'm like, she does, I wonder what that's code for. Anyway, it's real coin collection, I call out, and then I go, here's my ninety six mercy done. I should say that for the closer. Uh, here's a proof set. It's all of these coins. I've never been touched. He's like, neither is this. Let's go anyway. Nothing happened, never, nothing any with anyone until last year of high school. And that's when you lost your virginity. Well there's no honestly goes back. There's no dad to run the stuff like. That's a that's a that's a great question actually, because I was just Wilder was on my computer right before we got on, and he was his first like sex said class. I guess like a zoom, Sex said class. And there's this right pretty much. That was my strange teacher talking about you know, masturbation and sperm and all the kids. It's a big Brady bunch. Square followed, Oh dude, I stayed for the whole hour session. I had to listen to it, and they were like laughing, and it was just it was a total mockery of the entire because I remember people were like whacked off. Yeah, I don't know what they're talking about. Means I don't know anything. No, I mean, I asked Wilder afterward, I said, I said, do you know what masturbation is? Because I figured he did just because of his friends, and he's like, I think so, And then of course I'm like, well, what is it? And then he doesn't want to talk about it? You tell me first, and I'll say, right exactly. So when you don't, when you don't have a dad to sort of, you know, even imply that these things happen, ye yourself. I got this girl. I was scoring on her. She's probably five seven back then I was probably one one and I and she loved me. I wonder, sure, I go, like we're watching a movie. Honestly, it was eighth grade or something, freshman year, still fucking petrified. That's by my job. I was just tense, all that going, you know what, and so they go get and so I go, yeah, man, But all I did I put my on her like nine inch thick padded brawler because like I didn't move, just watching moving. And then she finally like this if you're not gonna do anything. I'm like, what do you do? Help me anything? Like I can't ask my mom. So I had the same situation when the first time I went down a girl's pants, I didn't even realize there was a hole there. I was like, literally just scratching her pubic. You're just I was just I was just like, you know, she's like, what are you doing? I have no idea you hey, this girl want anyway ps where I hit? But that's what I was brainwashed on. I saw beavers, and when I finally saw a dirty magazine, I was like, but I was saying to you, I know what's going on. We used to have to I mean, if you were gonna watch to anything on TV. I just remember having to watch like through the scrambled yeah, never right where you like, oh whoa, there was something and then you had to kind of put emblazon that in your mind because it was just gonna zap out in the next two So that's why kids say, I don't know if that's why they're so dirty, like girls are so filthy young age. Because we had a Playboy, which is barely thay. We had kind of it was a little rougher, but it's sort of gradually got you in a club swank. We just just say it, We say the one I liked. Dude, No, you're the one you make up and all of your and all your sets. Scrunt. You know you know where I stold that I don't steal. I mean, I'm not gonna have it steals up in my act. But it was just shooting me. We had the blush cover of the magazine is called Blush and show what you guys going back and forth. So so Blush was the magazine and we had someone on the cover, but it was a little risque. And Wendy Mallan comes and she was Jack, they're keeping it behind the shelf at the grocery store. And she goes, he goes behind the shelf. She was, yeah, where they keep Playboy in Scrunt. Never read through what fucking magazine it is. I don't even know what kind of bag then is. It's a very special category. When I saw it, by the way, they showed an e c U of some girls could I was like, huh who. I was not ready. I did not know what was happening. I was like, I've heard a lot of hubbub about you know a bullsh Did you know that your dad was was messing around in your mom did? Were you aware of that as a kid? Well, we you know what I heard that. We would hear like he's dating someone she knew, or someone block away. It was like, sob, I don't want to bring up your ship, Joe, but like it wasn't your dad a bit of a ladies man himself? Yeah? No, Uh, That's how I was brought into the world. My dad was married with six kids, met my mom who was touring on a traveling Broadway company thing in theater, and met her and nine months later I showed up. So yeah, he uh, he's on record. Yeah. It was Patti lapon Broadway legend, Patti Lapone Bernardette Peters Senior. Uh yeah, no, I he he was. He was kind of like the James Bond of St. Louis, if there could be a James Bond Harvard reading about it right now in class. Yes, probably. Springfield's a great town, by the way, Are you anywhere near there? Yeah, it's it's a bit of a hike, but it's a good it's a good small town. When do you think you were when do you think you qualified as funny David? When do I think I qualified as me being funny? Yeah? I mean I would think for a guy that was scared and wearing big coats and worried about getting his ass kicked had to develop some sort of I still were big goats just because they don't have my son. No, I mean that's the obvious defense. You're smart, you're verbal, you can use your mind, you can use your your wit. I I appreciate that question. I think it wasn't until I would mumble jokes in class. I would mumble jokes because I didn't want to commit to doing a joke and I didn't want to get shipped for it. But I'm almost my friends we right now. And then never thought a stand up like these kids that want to be stand ups, and never it wasn't a thing like in Arizona. There was I know, there's a club, I knew the carson and stuff. For a lot of them. There was a comedian that was like a lot of our signs were so funny. But I wouldn't even connect that I could do that. So through high school we did a talent show and we ripped off SML sketches and everyone's doing like whatever whatever and singing, and I did stuff like that, and then we wrote a few and then I thought that was really fun because I wasn't on football, and I tried out for baseball, tried our football try to wall and that fucking smoked. But then I was like, what do I do? And then I did that once a year and I go, that was actually fun. I thought about a lot. I go, I can't wait to do it next year. So I did it again. Then I really got into it, and then I did like eleven sketches the next year. It was a three hour show. And then when I left, everyone went to college, and I was stuck at you know, on my wall and from my high school and going ship and they're like, are you still here? I'm like, damn man. They go, classes are over. So I cruised back to the wall. It's set up Sorrow high School and they're like, remember those losers that used to go to college? They come back and hang at the wall. I go, I know, right, I couldn't connect. So I was then I go, you know what, I got bored because everyone's grammed. So my dad was very funny. My mom was very funny, but like sharp funny, like dry, and that's what I liked. And then I read about a comedy night in New Times magazine, so I go, I'll just go watch, just because I was bored and all my friends are gone. So I went and watched, and I was like, I couldn't believe this guy's making this shift up and just talking about stuff from life because I don't only seen six minutes, you know, and Carson, so they had amateur night. They go, you're gonna go up? I go, oh, yeah, maybe, And then I went and I wrote some jokes and then I tried it and I was bad, but the guy said, I go, should I do it again? Meanwhile knowing I just fucking bombed, and he goes, you were pretty shitty, but actually what you said between the jokes was funnier. And then he walked away and I go and then and he disnailed my whole style for my whole life. Was like wow, yeah, he just set it off top and set because like comment on what I just did. It's sort of like how I do my monologues right now at my house, which I mentioned you yesterday, I know, which I was very honored and then, but yeah, when you're talking, you know, you're talking to somebody off camera, or you're you're doing your little sound machine, or you're doing whatever you're doing. That's what carries it between the jokes. And you even kind of slough off your jokes a lot of the times, you know you do, and that's your style. I know. That's so great. And and that's from a kid who was too nervous to say the jokes out loud back in high school kind of because if you say I'm too a lot of it was lame and shrink. So I have to just sort of mom, all my friends, they're funny. But that's the kind of stuff i'd watch. And I saw Bill Murray and us and now we're like, you know, you gravitate to who you like. But I thought that was kind of funny because he wasn't doing like hilarious jokes. Maybe he's like, no, go on, get out of here, you know, but whatever he is saying, and I was like, why is it so funny? It's not like a setup punchline. And so I sort of when I started stand up, I stabbed myself after like Dennis Miller and Kevin Nealen and uh, Steve Martin, Like I was just sort of like a research paper, like I just do a little bit of everybody, like put my own jokes, and then I just suddenly just gravitated to one style. Well that style is is just so engaging, and I feel like that's why you can get away with sometimes being pretty mean or nasty to people, Like when you would do stuff there's ship that you didn't get away with though, like you've made some animal some enemies over the year. Yeah. Well, I was just talking to one of my comedy buddies, I like saying about a joke for today's monologue. Joke you're not in it today, but you know there's only so many says, so you'll you'll be back in there soon kind of. But it was about this Broadway guy and he and he got it. I'm only gonna say this because this is the discussion. So my buddy that's in comedy, I say, I say, I just pulled this joke because I sort of just flippantly say, and I tell my writers even when I had the show lights out, I go, now the news spade. I don't want to be too mean. I just want to keep it clever. And and I can make fun of myself. I just don't want to go in for like rough jokes or career jokes or mean, like I said, when people funk up, we can do a joke. Let's not hammer over and over over unless it's just like ridiculous, you know what I mean. Kanye West is something and then we just react and go it sounds dumb whatever, But it's never like hey, fuck, you know, it's not like that. So today I go, I think the joke was this Broadway star got corona and they had to amputate his leg, and I said, oh, I said, oh, I guess, no more fiddling on the roof for this one. And then we decided it was too rough. Yeah but no, but but but literally but he literally got his leg amputated. I mean, I think it's something that we would laugh at, and then we go, well, I don't know who this goes out to. Then I get like cons from other countries and here people see it, and there's people in New York, and then you just don't want their friend or his wife to somehow go to you hear that show. It did so many like it just happened, So you have to sort of have an inner gauge going obviously I mean no harm, but it obviously it's stupid, but and it's not that great, but it just made us laugh. And there's never been a tougher time to be a comedian then in the last whatever three years or whatever it's been. I mean, you can't. I mean, obviously there's plenty of stories of people who refuse to go play college campuses. Everybody is so you know, almost closed. Yeah, and it's hard because you could. And I'm going to show you used to want to be I read I was look at my old book. I read it every night, and I think I read it to hardward. But it's the whole book I was doing jokes in and I was like, that book was five years ago. I couldn't do half of them because you're trying to shock all the monlogues. You're trying to joke that the surprises coming. We don't see what's coming next. So that's what's funny to me and I do because you're just if you're in comedy all you like comedy, you don't even notice you're guessing ahead and then you go that went right where it was supposed to. So if a writer gives me a great set up and they do what's the easiest, and they go, go fuck yourself. Come on, everyone sees his coming, So just give me a I didn't care if it's not funny, give me something out of the blue that will catch me off guard. And then people like comedy go good, at least I didn't see that. Have you had some great Corona jokes that you have not really told because it's like, oh god, I well, I'm sure I'm not shocked. But people that know me or would watch at least know what they're getting in for. But some people go, oh, I can't said, I think we did a one about the guy's leg yesterday I did it, and they go, And then today I stopped because I go, this was really about him. Yesterday it was like this, but what was it? But oh yeah, But unfortunately everyone from cats kept their legs because but nobody is nobody in the public eye, No, certainly nobody that's that's not in the public eye seems to be able to laugh at themselves. I mean, one of the best things that you do is laugh at yourself. One of that that that's what makes you so engaging and and Oliver laughs at himself, and I feel like I can laugh at myself. And but it seems like that number is dwindling to where everybody wants to just reach out and catch you and throw you in some like Guantanamo for saying something. Listen, Louie would happened Louise one thing, but he was a good comedian and whatever happened up And I don't even want to comment on that. But you know, there's hen he can still do comedy, I guess, and his private places. He's got a mailing side. I think you can just say, hey, come see me here if you want. Now, no one can boycott a sponsor, you know, that's I think that's how he would do it. But just I like to defend comedy in general. That's that's like a separate issue, but just comedians that go too far. I try not comment or rough him up or saything negative, because even if I don't want to be with the jokes, I just think, well, you can say it's not funny whatever, But I don't want them to stop doing it because we're always trying to push and that was the trick and now it's pulling back and I go we don't all want to do the same eight jokes that are allowed. You know, you want to be taken by off guard. You wanted to be offended a little bit. I mean, there's a there's definitely a world of friends and people and that just want to go laugh at that stuff. And it doesn't mean you're happy this guy got his leg cut off. It doesn't mean anything. You just go and it's it isn't known about how you've established yourself, what kind of comedian you've established yourself as, because some comedians definitely get more freeway and more leeway, freedom and more leeway than others. I mean, you even listen to Stern now, who you know. I know, you guys are really good friends. Astern is like my idol. I love him. He even says things today that if anyone else said them on air, they would be just smashed for it. You know, Rachel stuff. There's so many things that he says. Yeah, you know what, I don't says a word about it, right right? And then you know, Chapelle is last special. I just sell some of it. But very funny to me. But stuff that I can't get away Bill about stuff Bilberd is very funny I don't want to even say that to get people on them because it's so good. I mean, when people say stuff that's funny and get away with it, that's what I want. I want more people to do that because there's definitely an audience court. But man, Twitter, how they go after you. Man, how people a little tiny mount gets uh so much attention in the net of power. They do it more and they want to shot. But I don't las week to people like are they canceled? I'm like, off some flipping thing. They said, it's like canceled. You mean, you're you're gonna take someone's whole career with for what. But but here's what I don't understand. I mean, this is a real conversation, like who gives them that? Who gives them that power? And there's such a narcissism with people. I would never be the moral police for anybody on Twitter and come after some it's just like shot the fux sit down, like if you don't like it, don't like it. It's a weird thing. And then somebody gives them that power to actually be able to quote unquote cancel somebody is amazing because writers, for the most part, I think are lazy, and they'll say so and so did such and such said something, and Twitter reacted and they put the Twitter things in, which means nothing in the grand scheme of things. But all of a sudden, that guy's gone. There's a little bit of a high a perverse applause, hitting me tweets and getting people go here here, oh my god, you said it right, can you believe that? And then they go and then they just said, I go, yeah, I jump on that one. But politically, why we didn't do it on the show was Trump loved him or hate him? And it's really split, like I never got involved that being before Trump because politics was never that serious in comedy until Trump. I mean before that was like Bush got a little bit of you know, starting to get a little bad with like you like Bush or you don't like what you know? He did this. He saved everyone know he did, and he started to see the friction and I would be like, I don't want to be around that because it really turned friends and each other and family members and now it's it's really like such hate both ways that if some girls said, if I found out a guy dated or talked about Trump or liked him or fucking voted for him. We would never. I would never. And you're like, wow, this is it's gotten so big. They just everyone hates each other. And I try to avoid those conversation. I one comedians to say it, because then you lose half your crowd right away. Whatever, happy take the other half and then you know, why would you lose half your crowd? Just do jokes. My my Eron's one of Aaron's girlfriends was on a date and she first sort of a blindish date, and he started bad mouthing Nancy Pelosi. She just left. She goes, I'm sorry, I can't continue this and just bailed you, said Aaron Foster. No, one of Aaron's friends. My Eron, Yeah, one of her friends was on a date. I mean, is it that's I guess it is to some people, but my god, I mean, I, you know, to Oliver, I could see that easily because it's such a big thing. Anyway, we're sort of drifting here, but comedy. Uh. I have a lot of opinions about that, but it is it's it's it's fun to do this thing in the bunker. Even though my shows stopped, but we're still talking to people. To it. But the weird part is I sort of have a thing about doing you know, they don't want me to do a monologue on the show A Comedy Center, which I would always fight but you can't ever really win. But I would make it shorter and stuff. But I like it, and then now I like it even better. M hm, So you can't. I don't really want to throw that away. I like sitting there and fucking off. But isn't that kind of who you are? I mean, how do you have David Spade with a show and you don't let you know? It's basically stand up That's what a monologue is staying and and you know, out of the comedians that do shows like that, they're not They're they're sort of understood as comedians now, but like Conan wasn't a stand up or Kim All wasn't you know so? Or Colbert, but they are sort of now because you know them is coming out and doing a joker too, but that's not what they focus on. But with me, I was like, I should focus on it because they're probably the interview part I should. I should be better at this. Uh doesn't mean I am, but also minds a little r rated, which they can't get away with because they have Disney, they have this. So I said, let's focus on those things that makes us a little different. And they would go monologues too long. People like when you talk to the other comedians. I go, well, I know, but I can't. That's harder. I like actually just going out and doing jokes, and then I would it would heckle me, and that was sort of interesting. I like that. I don't know if you saw a Joe, but I would do it. And they were like five ten feet away, and then they were allowed they had cameras and they're allowed to jump in, and so I just had to do whatever they could stop the joke right in the middle of the joke, Keviny Long goes, is that what you're gonna wear tonight? So great? Yeah, And that's what I love is the unpredictability. It's not like cutting paste the same old ship, and you don't want to a joke about like you know, and and the thing with jokes about drump it's sort of in a way that's already a setup. What he does that day. He says to me, creez, so you have half the joke and you come in and spike it. So they're already about to laugh. Did you hear what Trump said it? And then you uh? And then he said that we have to just take jokes out of nothing, so we have to go, oh, you know who got his leg cut offs there or whatever? Right, something hilarious like that, something really funny happen like that. You know, we got the leg and let's do an early show. Hey, did did your dad try to connect with you once you got famous? Yeah? Yeah, he was rooting around. Oh he was. So it was one of those like typical stories out of the picture. David Spade up in lights, pop his back like, hey Spade. He well, we were on the same town. So in Scottsdale, he would, uh, you know, heat your front, that I would see him, that I maybe crash his dumb people pad and that liveled with him after once I got once he need childs what was overs? He never paid? So once I was like eighteen, he said you can bunk with me. So we lived in a little dump with two single beds, no one better. And then I he got a phone. He goes, what the fun idea phone for? Well? Maybe for me, Dick. So so he goes because that I have one and you could call me. Yeah, I said, I'm your kid, maybe spoil me. So there's a paid for it at the pool. So I go to the pool and sit on the wall and then I get up and die out call I'll call me back here, and I said, like a crack dealer. And then it was only pay phone, so if i'd hear bringing my parker and I had, like, you know, how about forty yards, dude? So you live with your dad then for a minute, for a little bit, for like six months, and then he moved. He goes, I got no room for you. Stand up. And then he started showing up with the clubs and they go, oh, your dad's here at the bar, and he said he and then they take care of him, even though it's like an open micer. But and then he started talking to people I'm his dad, and I was like, uh. And then my and then when Andy and Katie started Kate Spade, then he had two things, No, you don't like Davy scrummy jokes. You know, Kate spa when you get your first So he had going on. And then my oldest brother sort of was unfairly ignored by him because he didn't have that going. He's a hard word guy doing construction and wasn't enough. M damn. That's so fucked. So my brother, of course is angry bother. They never talked. Where is he now? Your your dad and you guys talk at all or regularly. My oldest Yeah, we talked your dad to take care of my mom because my mom has got her back operated. So your dad is not taking care of your mom. No, that's my oldest brother. My dad is in Santa Barbara. That's what I mean. Your dad. Sorry, your dad. You still talk to your dad. He's still and he's in the Santa Barbara. Andy. My middle brother hasn't been a place there, so I seen him there and actually Rosie he did it because he takes him a second now and then he waits, oh to you, like he doesn't know you know, but now for you, for you, David, seeing what it's like on the other side. That's what I've talked to Oliver about this a thousand times, Like he's got three great kids that you know, that are beautiful and funny, and yeah, there are right, I've now got four and you you start taking it from the other side and go, I don't know one of these four they could do anything. There's nothing that would keep me from having the best relationship I could possibly have with any one of my kids ideally, And you know that it is tougher when you're on the other side of it, and you go, I could see that, I could see, but I yeah, when my daughter, it was more a different lens than I go. And so it hurt my relationship with it because then I started bringing like a letterman and we started hanging out my dad because you know, I was doing okay and I didn't want him not around, and you know, it's your dad. So I sort of just knew it wasn't it any great, you know, we were like friends. And then when the daughter came, it started to deteriorate again wow, because I was like, you know what, what what you would take off? But it's odd that prior to that, or you know, it's odd in the in the game of life that you were the one having to reach across the midline and make it work, you know, like you're a kid. And then yeah, and then it turned into this. So I just said I didn't like, you know, thinking if harbor ever Callen Ellison. She lives in Springfield, but she should always know him. She's sick, I'll call her. She wants me to come there. I'm flying there. Like when I was sick, we couldn't call him. He would always say like he would call us, he wouldn't have a number. So we never really got that. But it was so controlling because he would be able to call when he felt like we just said, oh, is it him on the phone, but we couldn't go, hey, we feel bad, can you come over or whatever? Did you ever have feelings like I don't want to be like my dad? I mean, did you ever have those feelings like I don't want to be still for me that are like him and me and Andy and Brian and when are my brothers. We talked about it, like, you know, there's parts of me they are so actually stamped in like your dad, and I catch myself and too, and we're like, you're just trying to be But there was a lot of that was fun and cool. So there's parts that I don't mind. But you don't want to be a carbon And when you when you found out that you were going to have a kid, I know, the circumstances were a little crazy. What was your like because because now and again this is what people don't understand is what a great father you are and how at present you are as much as you can be in her life. But when you first happened, when it was like, oh shit, what was that first feeling? Was it like all right, I'm gonna fucking buckle down? Or is it it was a flight or fight or flight mentality? There's a part of me that was like, could you I'm sure it's similar to luck you could you do this? Would you be any good at it? Obviously there was no time. I wouldn't think I would be ready. Even present day, it's a very tough to just go, hey, these guys are like, I can't wait have a kid here. That's such a great attitude. But I don't know if either confidence in that or every everything it entailed. Maybe I was more realistic, going this is how much it entails. It's not just like, hey, I got a great there's a million things. You know. Now you're there every day. I wasn't, you know, I didn't have every night, so it was different. So I sort of had it on a different angle. Everyone else has it harder. You guys have it like the real deal ship. So listen, it happened, and then you just go, oh, it's like anything, it's just dealt your way. You know, I gotta deal with a parents got divorced. Okay, I don't want it. He was like, I do it, and you do your best. So I just did my best, and it's still it's definitely weird. I see Andy's kid a lot now and their friends, so those two little words get talking and as Rosie want to have kids, are you good? Easy guy brought the interview for a second. Hey, David, So we got all this research on you, and I start reading it all and you and I are basically the same age, and I look back. Do you do you ever give yourself the opportunity to look at all the ship you've done and go, this is beyond anything I ever imagine. I mean, your your resume from SNL to the different you know, the sitcoms and the it's been an unbelievable body of work. Do you do you give yourself that joy? I try to do that, but you also go it's funny because I watched Sandy dudes and Oliver knows it. He's put so much work in these movies. In the next second, he's done, He's on the next one, and he doesn't even talk about the old one or after you put so much into it. I think it's a look forward town. And it's also where are you right now? And so I do like to keep busy. So I like to work. Some people don't like work. I do like to do stuff. I don't to bust my home too bad anymore, but I like to keep things going. And I like, I'm proud of a lot of this stuff. You know, I'm glad for all of it, just because kept me work and get me out there. They don't all come out the way I wanted, or they're not as slayers as they wanted, But as long as you've got a couple of things on your rez that work, uh, And then I'm glad, just glad. I got to do a lot of stuff, had a lot of opportunities and try to run with it and do my best at it. But then again, it's just like, what are you gonna do next? That kind of How did you end up booking all these Tiger king people? How do you even go about finding these people? That one? Uh? I guess this is the last question recording Oliver, Uh, he just texted me saying he's gotta going so um Tiger King. It was just more me going like, hey, I'm watching, and I didn't get in. I love his blind there's a lot of these shows that are you watching the Americans? And I literally haven't watched one of any of the shows they talked about. So I go, I think I'm gonna start, though I've never started. So I go, I'm the next fucking one. I'm just gonna watch it. So I watched two episodes and I go, these guys are so funny to watch. I could go, maybe I should try to call him and talk to him, and they're like on the show, I go, I don't know, I want to just see it'd be funny to bullshit with him. There's such like these Florida white, trashy, hilarious characters. And then I thought. I saw the third episode and they go, hey, that Joe exotic guys in jail. But his friend says he likes you. He says maybe he can get him to talk to you when he gets out, and I go, oh, funk okay, and I go, what about the fringe players? Anybody around. They go. Next day, they go, hey, Steff where she had her arm too up? She wants to talk to you. Yeah, tomgo oh, all right, what do I do? What are I talking about? So then I wrote up the questions and I had the writers asked me and I go, and I wasn't gonna pa, you know, I didn't want to bounce on it and be like, you know what you're doing? It was wrong. I just go, Let me just talk and just let people decide. I just I was just interested. And then the other one said, oh, it's Joe Dirt. Yeah, we don't want to talk to Hollywood people like him. It was all It all brought up Joan Dirt. Well, Joe Dirt, I mean Joe Dirty, basically the whole deal movie. I work in Florida on an alligator farm. I don't want to get the whole in the air. U spade a lot. I love you, man, Thank you for doing this so much. Yeah, you're a good man. You're a good dad. Thank you. That's gonna air this the practice one. No, we gotta do it again to dry run. Yeah you okay, we got the camera angles down, got we need right, we're just blocking. We just blocked. So what did you call me on the show last night? Joe fuck? Oh yeah, Joe buck yourself. I had it on another bispaper head to go find it. I was like, blow do blow buck. It's the word. It was the worst name when I hit first grade and everybody learned you should grab that thing because you know, Bob Menry is circling the building. Oh my god, he's he's gonna die on that one hard A little you bat hey am I go there? You got it? I um. That was good. By the way, he was talking about ship that he hasn't really talked about. This is cool. It was cool for me. It was cool for me to hear him. How long did you guys shoot that show? For real? Seven years? Wow? I wouldn't seven years? Was it just crazy? It was? It was he funny on that set business, really funny. One of the sharpest, wittiest people I know, I mean probably number one. Honestly, he's so quick. His mind is so quick that it almost feels like he has these things stored up, meaning like oh if if if someone says that sentence, I have something for it. He's that quick, and he's a he's a really generous, um sensitive, good person and uh, you know, there's a lot of perception about who David Spade is and he's a womanizer and yeah, he likes girls, but he's he's a lot more than that. And honestly, that's why I wanted to bring him on because he is a great fucking dad, you know. He It was a crazy circumstance that happened, and um, you know, he stepped up and and and a lot of people thought that, well, would think that Dave would not be that kind of a person, you know, just based on who everyone thinks he is. But that's just not the case, you know what I mean. And that happens everywhere. I think anybody that's in the public eye, everybody has has a certain perception that's out there. However that gets started. And that's why I asked him that during the interview that I just get the sense and I don't know him, obviously, I've known him, I've been around him a few times, but I just get the sense that he's just a bighearted, good guy that you know, a probably doesn't love some of the insult comedy that he throws out there, just because of the fear of it. Hurting somebody's feelings. But it's so genius. It's like he almost can't say it because the jokes are so freaking good. And then b I I just never I know that he kind of purports himself to be kind of this wild child or at least back in the day, but it just doesn't fit. It doesn't fit how I see him. I just feel like he's a lot more at home, stay at home, chill. Yeah. I mean, he had his moments like he talked about. But for the most part, dude, since I've known him, he is in bed by ten ten thirty. He drinks his little vodka and diets. He's got his airplane vodka's and his diet coke and he makes his little cocktails and then he's he's in bed by ten thirty, like you will not. I thought you were kidding me when when Michelle, Michelle my wife, got him on an ESPN Joe dirt thing and she asked, you, what can I send David as a thank you? Her answer was like send him the little airplane bottles of vodka, Like come on, like what about like an unbelievable bottle of wine or it came something or no, no, just like a little airplane cart, like a like a nice little like pyramid of of of airplane liquor bottle. That's great. I just I've been a fan obviously, as you know, he and I are basically the same age. And I just I've admired him from Afar and through you or wherever I met him, just like, yeah, thank god. He's just like a normal nice guy. It's he doesn't let you down when you need him, you know, and he's engaged, and he's he was excited to talk and he was telling to telling stories about his his life and his childhood. You know that some people know, but there's insights in there that a lot of people don't don't get. And I don't think i've heard. You know. The one thing that I didn't ask about because I just forgot to was his stepfather suicide, which I didn't even realize that had happened. I'm reading it in the notes and didn't even realize that that's what went down. He's the classic great comedian who's had a lot of dark history that you know, out of a lot of hurt comes laughter or his act. And but again, I mean I I it doesn't always manifest itself in it. In his act. I think he's he's kind of a bright up, funny, light comedian that is pretty palatable and very self self deprecating. That was fun man. Thank you for using up. That was awesome. Um all right, j B. We need to remind our our listeners to share this and to subscribe. That is that is that is part and parcel to us continuing to do this and succeeding at it. Right, you have to subscribe, Yes, that's that's right. Leave a review, a rating, to leave a rating unless it's that's sim sarna and and leave the rating. Let's be honest. Only if it's good, right, exactly, only five stars, well we'll go flour is okay, but like twos and three's like anything under four, Oliver and I will personally come find you exactly, We will hunt you down. But we will make your three star review a five star review by taking you out to breakfast just a nice long walk