The same conversation, again and again. The strange ideas. The day they don't know your face. Part two of our dementia special is about how you cope when a parent is becoming someone else — and how to look after yourself while you do.

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In this episode:
The Conversation: Part two of our two-part dementia special. Geriatrician and regular Clubber Dr Stephanie Ward joins Sarah Macdonald for the harder half — how you cope when a parent is slipping into advanced dementia. The repeated questions, the strange and frightening ideas, therapeutic fibbing, aggression and your own safety, the grief of not being recognised, and why a held hand still counts even when they forget the visit.

This Week's Hack: Therapeutic fibbing. When a parent with dementia asks for someone who has died, the truth only makes them grieve afresh — and they will ask again minutes later. Meet the feeling, not the fact: comfort, reassurance, a held hand. "They're okay. They'll be here later."

Send this to: anyone caring for a parent with advancing dementia, or the sibling who can't quite face visiting.

A moment that stays: "They may not remember what made them feel good, but they can have a memory of feeling good." Your visit counts, even if they forget it.

Meet the regular Clubbers:
Melissa Reader — CEO of Vera and expert on Australia's ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble — Clinical psychologist specialising in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg — GP and women's health advocate.
Dr Stephanie Ward — Geriatrician helping you understand the ageing brain.
Kerry Milligan — Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty.

Content note: this episode discusses advanced dementia, carer grief, changed and aggressive behaviour, and end-of-life themes. 

Be gentle with yourself while you listen, and come back to it another time if today isn't the day. For information and support, Dementia Australia's National Dementia Helpline is on 1800 100 500 (dementia.org.au). For support as a carer — Carer Gateway 1800 422 737 (Mon–Fri, 8am–5pm).

Find Put The Kettle On – Vera's free guide to the five questions worth asking your mum or dad – at https://putthekettleon.com.au

This episode was supported by Australian Unity Home Health and Care. Visit https://australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich.

This episode was supported by NSW Trustee and Guardian — wills, power of attorney and enduring guardianship, sorted properly, so the people you love aren't left guessing. Search NSW Trustee and Guardian, or call 1300 10 20 30.

Vera is your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent. Have a look at https://vera.guide.

Credits:
Sarah Macdonald – Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader – Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Justin McArthur – Executive Producer + Editor for P. Zinner Podcasts (https://pzinner.com.au)
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our theme music Club Sandwich — hear more at https://seanwayland.com