Your kid finished school years ago. They're 22, or 27, or 33. So why are you still doing their washing? Clinical psychologist Jo Lamble is in the chair for the layer of the sandwich generation nobody names.

Content note: this is a lighter, funnier episode than most, although the last few minutes touch briefly on ageing parents and visiting a grandparent in aged care. For support: Relationships Australia 1300 364 277 (relationships.org.au). Carer Gateway 1800 422 737. Lifeline 13 11 14, 24/7.

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In this episode:

The Conversation: Clinical psychologist and regular Clubber Jo Lamble joins Sarah Macdonald to talk about adult children still living at home, or boomeranging back — why cushioning them stops working the moment they finish school, the anxiety of waiting up at night (and why earplugs actually help), the four-layer club sandwich of caring for an ageing parent, yourself, adult kids and grandkids all at once, and why "we've got to advertise adulthood" instead of just surviving it.

This Week's Hack: Stop parenting, start being flatmates. Call a house meeting. Announce it, don't slide it in sideways. Agree on the basics a good flatmate keeps: give each other space, split the chores, don't comment on clothes or friends, and raise problems on the spot instead of storing them up for three months and exploding.

Send this to: whoever is still doing their 25-year-old's washing, or anyone who feels like a nag for asking their adult kid to do their own.

A moment that stays: Jo's line for anyone who thinks it's "not fair" to want a life outside caregiving — some young adults are choosing not to have kids because they watched their own mum run herself ragged and never once look like she was enjoying it. We've got to advertise adulthood.

Meet the regular Clubbers:
Melissa Reader — CEO of Vera and expert on Australia's ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble — Clinical psychologist specialising in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg — GP and women's health advocate.
Dr Stephanie Ward — Geriatrician helping you understand the ageing brain.
Kerry Milligan — Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty.

About Jo Lamble: Clinical psychologist, author and a regular Clubber on the show, specialising in family dynamics, guilt and boundaries.

Put The Kettle On — Vera's free conversation guide: the five questions worth asking your ageing mum or dad, at putthekettleon.com.au

This episode was supported by Australian Unity, home health and care services — australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich.

With thanks to NSW Trustee and Guardian — search NSW Trustee and Guardian, or call 1300 10 20 30.

Vera is your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent. Have a look at https://vera.guide.

Credits:
Sarah Macdonald – Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader – Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Justin McArthur – Executive Producer + Editor, for P. Zinner Podcasts (https://pzinner.com.au)
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our theme music Club Sandwich — hear more at https://seanwayland.com