Call It What It IsWhen you have a new crush, do you play hard to get or keep it real chill? It’s so hard to know what to do when navigating a relationship, so Jess & Camilla are doing what they do best and dishing out some solid advice! Camilla also shares what she used to always order in her dating era and why she cringes at it now.
Call It what It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington, an iHeartRadio podcast.
Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello Call It crew, and welcome to another episode of Short and Sweet, Sweet Sweet Sweet. Today We're we're doing best relationship advice. Uh huh, all this is I've had some bad advice too. Yeah, you should talk about good and bad advice that you and I have both gotten.
Yes, Oh, I just for some reason, like a lightning rod moment, it just like came to my brain, like the worst advice when you just said that. Tell me well, and I understand why it existed, and I'm sure there's some value to it, but remember when it used to be well it probably is still my god.
Wait, I'm just okay. I have a feel you're gonna say what I was thinking to.
You, but go, oh, I don't know. Another's pressure. No, just this like hard to get hard to get at, like that you're meant to be unavailable and that you're meant to manufacture or somehow strategize this unavailability to then create more intrigue or like stir up the wanting. I just feel like that advice really messed with my head when I was dating.
It's so hard though, because if you're the only one, I feel like everyone in their like teens twenties has that advice or feels that way. And so then if you're the only one not playing the game, yes, then that like what does that do?
Like?
Do you look desperado? Like if someone waits like five hours to write you back and then you text back immediately, are you desperate Dan? Oh?
Good for you. You came up with a differ man's name. It's not desperate Bob.
It's only because the saying is desperate Dan. Oh where's that saying? It's like, oh wait, now it's making me think that like a desperate Dan and I have my brother's name is Dan? Have we just been teasing him about that?
I thought I was a.
Real it was a worldwide thing.
I've never heard about desperate Dan.
Oh yeah, no, no, no, no, it's a desperate dad. It's a is a comic book character. Yeah, it makes you for a second there, I thought we had just invented to make fun of my brother, which is completely possible. Yeah, you're then a desperate dad and like you're the and then they're like wow eager.
Yeah, yeah, yes, I think I probably was when I really liked someone. I probably what I definitely wanted to answer right away.
You want to, Yeah, of course you want to. You're so excited.
Yeah.
I think the worst piece of advice I ever got was to basically, like in the early days, really keep up appearance says like there was no like yeah you can meet up and like not be all decked out makeup, ways on hair, whys like I was a full on like call Thos and Tiara, Yeah you're a red carpet ready. I was red carpet ready for good, you know, three months of dating. It was not a leg out. And also I did the whole thing in Bridesmaids where I was set out of bed and I did the makeup.
Why roll out of bed, steak out of bed, make sure that you look all the ways, get back in bed, be like I just woke up. Yes, yeah, I know.
I screw that. That's ridiculous.
I was cute. I didn't feel cute that that part of life has been erased from my memory. And just like the even the idea of having like how did we ever get through any of it? Those early days where you still are wanting to make like just the most precious impression and never have bad breath or have to poop.
Or yeah, far, I remember being on dates. This is so tragic. I'vem being on dates and feeling like I should order the salad. I wasn't gonna order this dak and mashed potatoes.
Yeah.
And also part of it was because, like in case later on and you're like in your underwear, I didn't want to. I don't want to look full, which is so insane.
Yeah. Yeah, Well, also I just remember beginning of relationships quick. I actually genuinely wasn't very hungry, like I was all I was full of full of or full of infatuation, I don't know, but I was always like I didn't I was not hungry. Does the captains have a tiny little tomato? Oh?
No, I wanted. I wanted the mac and cheese with the with all the trimmings. Yeah, but I wasn't gonna do it, which is insane because, by the way, who cares if in underwear you look like you've had a full meal. That's life in my twenties.
Well, it's our life now. Definitely is our life now?
Definitely, I'm like, hold the tomato, a.
Bucket of wings, and then a bikini. I'm with them, thank god.
Okay, best piece of my relationship advice. I had someone I was bad in my early twenties with name calling and I in fights with my boyfriend. Oh really bad mean, oh mean, not like but I would call asshole, you know, like I would like go for I would do some low blows in my twenties, you know. And I realized someone said to me, like, the second you lose respect for each other and do that like, there's really no coming back some most of the time. And I realized that was true. And so when I got into relationship with I want, probably Matt, but maybe even the boyfriend before Matt, I started to really watch myself. And now I'm much way.
Better at that. You're a real firecracker, aren't you.
Yeah, yeah, I got I had to tone it down.
You were at like a twelve.
I was at thirteen, and I.
Really wanted you at like an eight.
Even an eight. It was a little feisty.
I had to really put some water on it. I remember being fighting. I remember some feisty times.
Were you ever like you listen you fucking did you ever like do those in fights?
Yeah, it's not a good thing. It's not a good thing. I was. It took a lot to get me there, but then it was like you kind of wished I'd gone there earlier because then it might not be so big.
Yeah.
Yeah, So like I should have said I don't really love this so much, or hey can you cut that out? When I was at like at the eight. Yeah, but I waited till I got pushed.
I waited to the thirteen.
I think I waited until like twenty nine. Yeah, and then I was like, hold my purse, you mother. It would be like everything came sized that. I think that like the other person would be like, wow, yeah, that's good advice.
That's good advice. The call the crew also has some advice, had some advice.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
We didn't ask for the bad advice.
Wait, sorry, wait, one more thing to add to this. Only because I think that it's like it's something that some either you will easily guess about me or you won't. I in middle school you had to take debate in seventh grade, and when you take debate, proper debate, you have to argue. You don't know which side you're going to argue. So every year, like the debate whatever they are at the conferences, they have like a topic and you research them and then you debate and you have to take a position. And I remember that really cut my teeth and I became really expert at and I loved it. Loved it arguing. And by the way, both sides, Oh you could have been a lawyer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I would have made a good lawyer.
Yeah, I just I loved I loved the logic of it. I loved I actually also really loved walking my talk here. I loved trying to see it from someone else's point of view. Right. I found it incredibly hard to argue some of the things that I did because they were not my opinion, my personal opinion, but having to argue them was a really really good exercise and it made me understand the other side a lot more. I remember one of my you know, one of the first jobs I ever the real jobs I ever had, was for David Kelly, who's just one of the most genius wordsmiths of all time. I've gotten to work for some pretty great I announcements and you know, the show. It was a law show, and I remember starting an episode and there would be a case, and I would almost instantly know exactly which side of the case that I know agreed with or I was aligned with. And his writing was so good that by the end of it I would have or by the middle of it, I would have switched sides, and by the end of it, I would have switched back to where I started. But it was just he was so good at it. So I think that stuff's really exciting and fun. Prove people wrong, is what I'm trying to say.
Yay, I love that too. Who doesn't love that? Come on, Okay. We asked the crew, We're going to go through your best relationship advice and share it. Share it with everybody. Cheryl said, communication is key, but understanding one another is even more important.
Love it. Yeah, but I don't always understand sometimes. I mean, like I can, I can perspective, take, but I but I sometimes do go. Yeah, I don't really understand, Like I don't understand what it's like to be you in this moment and feel the way you do. I could respect it, but I might not always understand it.
I think maybe that's what she's getting it because I agree with you too.
Yeah, Sienna said, the best relationship advice I've received is to put down all of my issues on paper. Odds are they are built differently than what you built them in your head to be?
Mmmm, that's cool.
Interesting.
I like that. Uh date your spouse agree? Yes, Jennifer, Yes, I like to be wooed. So does Matt like a little wooing.
Lazy said, those who don't put effort in for you aren't worth your effort into them. I agree with that.
I've let them, Hannah. My mom always told me to bring a newer guy. I am seeing tour sports event, watch a big game and see if he re acts crazy. That's a good one.
Yeah, Chico said, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
Chico, I don't agree. I don't agree. Oh do you.
I'm having to really think back. I think it can be a distraction, but no, does it.
I think sometimes it can make you miss the other person.
Especially if the one that the new one.
Yeah, it can make you if they're you know, you're like, oh it was gross. Say thank you often, even for the little things. Recognizing efforts makes a huge difference. I agree with that. Oh my god, it goes a long way.
Yep. Juliana said, resolve the argument before you both go to bed. That's one that people talk about.
I no, well, sometimes I'm too heated. I know I need to go to bed, and it's just not going to go anywhere, and I don't need to be there until two o'clock in the morning. Yeah, yeah, Emily, the best relationship advice I've ever received is that a cheater will always be a cheater. I don't agree controversial. I say this as someone who's cheated in my twenties. I definitely, you know, was not always the best girlfriend. And I just so I disagree. I've been with my husband for a long time, you guys, and I've been very faithful thirteen years. Baby. Yeah, baby, I don't know. When you're young, you do stupid stuff. I think if you're an habitual cheater, I think if you're cheating in every relationship, then the likelihood is is that, I don't know if you can turn it around.
I also think that some people feel comfortable, like maybe not even necessarily relationship specific, but you know those people that just always cut corners, They always just sort of fudge yeah.
The truth a little yes, why yes?
And I think that that's like shares some space with cheating. There's a comfortability doing things that are not totally honest, and I do think that that's something that if you listen. I think, if you don't do your work, yeah, then that could be something that lasts for quite a while. Agreed, yep uh Raley said, if you have to beg for their attention, they aren't the one.
Oh no, we're not begging you guys, No way, Lena said. My bestie once said, relationships are like a fart. If you're if you have to force it, it's probably shit.
It gets me every I can't be a part of this.
I'm I wish you'd read that one. Actually, Jess, we know how you feel about parts. I I love that. I think it's simple. I think that's simple, and I agree, can't force anything.
Amelia says, no message is a message. I agree that's very true.
Okay, Bridget, don't let friends or family's opinions influence you, Bridget. I I've had some friends that have had some blinders on, and it gets tricky because you want to help. First off, you know what, friends, unless they want advice, don't give it. Because I have given unsolicited advice before. In my past, and.
You don't know if that boyfriend or girlfriend is renting or they're they're buying. You know, so you gotta be you gotta be mindful.
Yeah, you do, and you know yeah, yeah, it's a tricky situation. Although sometimes your friends. The truth is, sometimes your friends or families see things that you don't see, and that's the truth.
Uh, Laura says, do you like him or the idea of him? This has helped me so many times.
Oh that's a good one.
Yeah. It's like, do you like him in real life or you like him on paper?
Yeah? Yeah, yeah yeah, Larissa, maintain your individuality and keep the romance alive. I think it's a death trap when you become that person becomes your identity. I've seen it happen, Jess, you've seen this happen. Oh for sure. A person's like suddenly you're like, who, where'd my friend go?
Yeah? Sucks? Yep, Okay, Michelle has this is a very specific one. If there were two steaks on a plate, would he take the better one or give it to you?
That's really I like that. It's kind of like, you know, it reminds me of when I said this to Matt this morning because he made two cups of coffee. He took a sip. He knows how I like my coffee. He goes and he gave it to me, and then he took a sip of the other one. He goes, wait, this one's better, you can have it, and I was like, oh. And he does stuff like that'll time, and it reminds me of the scene always in the Wedding Singer when he doesn't give her the window seat, he gives her the aisle seat and she keeps getting her uh arm bumped by the cart that goes by. Do remember this she talks about, like how if you get yes, he takes the best. It's so sweet.
I'm still on sweet Matt.
Yeah, he does cute things like that. He gives me the better gup of Guffy and I said, no, baby, you keep that gup because I love him big. Okay, Tatum, Oh, I like this one. If you wouldn't let your daughters go through it, don't let yourself.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I feel like you've given me that advice sometimes in a different way where you're like, think about baby, Jess.
I know we've talked about baby Jess. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
I love that. I think we should end on that one. I like caretaking of our little selves, of our smaller selves.
Yeah, because you might not have a daughter yet, you might be near twenties.
Yeah, but just pretend like you did, Pretend like you're your own daughter, Pretend like you matter more than anyone in the world, and that you want to protect and take care of yourself.
Well, we got out. We've talked about being the cheerleader for yourself, your you need to be your your number one fan for you.
Yep, you gotta do it.
I love this.
It helps a few of other fans too.
But yes, yeah, yeah, of course, of course, but sometimes yeah, yeah, I love it, you guys, I love all of these.
I'm gonna take some of these best relationship advice. Well, I think I'm gonna actually now I'm gonna also. I love when we do these and then I hear more that next week I'll be like out in the world and I'll hear someone relationship advice. I'm like, oh, yeah, that's a good one.
Exactly, and then we can bring it back to the pod. All right, everyone, thank you for listening, and we will call this the end. Of the episode
