Call It What It IsHo, Ho, NO! Jess & Camilla are losing their minds over the ridiculous and awkward gifts the Call It Crew has received! Sex toys from Grandma?! These gifts and more belong on the naughty list for sure!
Camilla also weighs in on the obvious and lazy "quick trip to CVS" gift.
Call it what it Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington, an iHeartRadio podcast.
Hello, Hello, Hello, hello everyone, and welcome to a new episode of Short and Sweet.
Keeping it short and sweet.
We're keeping it short and sweet.
Know what, you don't have time for anything else right now during this crazy season.
Not during the holidays.
I have to do lists, that have to do lists.
That's actually my life, right Yeah it is. Yeah, we're going to dive right in. But we decided to make today holiday themed. We're gonna have a lot of holiday We're sticking with it, Yeah, we are.
But we threw out a question to the crew.
Yeah we did.
What are the weirdest or oddest gifts that you've received for this season? Yeah we got some.
Wham. I am thanking you got some good I mean always, we know that if we ask the crew, they're going to come through for us.
I know.
Can I just say before we start that I listened to our past episode and you know how we talked about like, how like I sound drunk sometimes? M Well, I said this, I literally I think in the last episode, sound like I'm like for Marguerite is in the one where we in person. Yeah, I was a little sloppy, dappy.
You were drunk on my presence, You're just drunk.
I just I think that I'm gonna have to I just I think I'm gonna really speak very eloquent.
You just do one in your English accent.
Oh maybe I will, Maybe you should. Yeah, that's a great idea. Okay, enough of my drunkenness. Have you received an odd gift.
An awkward gift, or something terrible?
No, I'm asking you me, You're asking I'm asking you personally before we dive into theirs. M yeah, haven't we all had our fair share of gifts that we might not have purchased for ourselves. But I've said this before because we did this during the birthday episode. I mean, I'm tough because you know, when I was younger.
Dad, I've grown grown.
I used to think that when someone got me a gift that was super not me, it was like some sort of.
You know, indication that they didn't really know me.
That is so Jessica Capshaw, I know this is so amazing.
Not now now, I'm like, come one, come all lately.
I'm gonna tell you, I'm just in a very Jesus take the wheel time in my life.
And it's right around his birthday right now, So you know, maybe he's just taking all the wheels. He's taken all the wheels.
Yeah. I had an ex boyfriend person I was dating, gave me the most hideous piece of jewelry ever. I meane it looked like it was, you know, probably a relic and perhaps possessed.
Yeah, Game of Thrones.
It was more like I was a style something. Even your grandma's like, ew, do you know what I mean? Like she she's selling it because she's like big, yes, chunky, Yeah, like a chunky with like a He's like, babe, I got it in a state sale. I mean I wish he had because maybe it would have been cheap. But I think he spent a little money on it. I mean maybe not. It's what I don't like, and I will say this, I'm not like a super into the stones that are just not super precious. I know that sounds snobby, and I'm gonna embrace it. I saw everyone I know what it.
Sounds, and just stones that aren't super precious.
I'm gonna be I'm calling it what it is. This is one of my Achilles heels.
What why are you seeing it as a weakness. It's a strong point of view.
If I get a ring and it has like a giant like weird Marbley Opal Greeny situation chunkin in the middle of it, that's not seeing a light of day. That's at the back of the drawer.
Here's the real problem with these awkward, weird or terrible gifts. What do you do with them? Where do they go?
They're at the back of the drawer, But ultimately.
That's not satisfying, like they actually they really got to go if you really don't like them.
No, they do have to buy it. You can't. You can't hawk them while you're in the relationship. That's my point.
Where do they go?
You got to break up? Do you sell them?
Do you donate them? No?
Because that's insulting.
To the birth gift them grandma.
I mean, here's the thing I'm gonna say really.
Quick to make you feel less bad about it.
It's okay to not like it, right, you're like the hard part for me, the painful part, and this is really selfish and very vain. But then I have to wear it that day because they got it. And so you're like in your cute outfit.
And you're like, please, don't judge me. Don't think I would have chosen this for myself.
And then it's ruined by the Godzilla of chunk.
Yeah, junk, chunk, junk, junk, chunky junk.
Yeah, I don't need it to look like it could turn into a transformer, do you know what I mean? Like, that's what I've I've had that situation. Mmm, I digress.
I definitely think I had a moment. I had a moment where I think I said, if there's gonna be jewelry, because it costs money, can I get a pre approval? Can there be a preapproval process?
Mm? Hm? Does Christopher have to email it to you?
I think I pick it and I email it to him.
Oh oh, so he's not picking it at all.
I think we're past that.
Yeah, well you know what he knows best. Yeah, yeah, he knows because it's not gonna work. If you need you need that. Yeah.
Yeah. There was a really funny It was really it made me laugh so hard and you can't really laugh. Maybe you could, maybe you could laugh if you're on both sides of this. But it was a Saturn life skit.
With Christian Wig and the punchline was like it was a very sing songy skit thing about Christmas morning, and it was like.
You know, I saw the siblings. Yeah, all the siblings are like and not everything Brian, but it was like, you know, I gotta I got some air pods and I got a new phone, and I got this, and I got that, and then the mom pops up and she's like, and I got a robe?
Yeah, and yeah.
It really is true, like we we we sort of relegate certain people in our life to robe status. And I think it's because we just don't know what to get, or maybe because what she gives us is just so big that if we tried to match it with a gift of our own choosing, it just would fall flat. So we go with robe and a big hug.
I do. But I have to say I love a robe.
Yeah, but you don't need more than one. Two maybe two you need to Yeah, you need one that can't get wet, like right after the shower.
Yeah, yeah, one that's like cozy, yeah yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, all right, let's dive into the crew because okay, great have some responses.
They got stuff to say.
All right, all right, let's start that Alex okay, Alex says, I just want to say, I hate when people who are supposed to.
Know me get me something that isn't me at all. Thank you, Alex.
Oh, Jess feels you You're correct. Yeah, although I have to say, like, I feel like maybe they're opening you up to new possibilities of things you could like not now not not with that.
Look you never hear me silent, and I just was, yeah, we know what that means.
Go ahead. Next one, Goodwin wrote, the worst gift I've ever received is an oven mint the of glove from QBC from my husband on Valentine's Day. He's now my.
Excent that can get me an oven min on Valentine's Day.
The double whammy. It's a bad gift on the wrong holiday.
I don't know the holiday that that would be good for Oven Day. That's literally it, Yeah, google Oven Day especially, And I feel like if if you're going to do like a really, if you're gonna if you're like this for some reason, this is the gift, right mind, Williams Sonoma or you don't know what I mean, Like, you don't need the of glove from QBC.
Oh, I think I I don't even need to go past where they get it. Marlowe got three bottles of ranch dressing once.
I do love Ranch, love Ranch, I.
Love Ranch to my French fries. I love Ranch on p pizza. I love I love it all.
I think, marlow I don't even know that we can call that anything, because I think you need I need more context, Like that could have been like a funny white elephant.
Is that what it's called? What's that white?
Or she may just she or he may love franch dressing, and which case that's maybe a gift, Yeah, like a good gift.
Yeah, we think that's a great gift.
Yeah, yeah, what's wrong?
We don't know what's wrong. Marlowe justlyin said I received a dildo and a book about sexual positions from my grandma. Grandma why not? Yeah, she knows. She's like, you know what, you know? When I think grandma's again, she's like she's a little stressed out.
Yeah, and also she's thinking every generation needs to evolve. Fran says, I got pimple patches for my birthday.
We've talked about this. I love those stars, I.
Know, and they're not cheap, you know.
You and I went to CBS the other day together and I was in that aisle and I was like, I because I'm a little curious about the ones that are different colored.
Yeah.
But then anyways, so I saw the prices on those and they are not cheap, so maybe that I don't know, Yeah.
Did you ask for them? It's more of a stalking stuffer.
I agree with that.
Yeah, ooh, there are.
So many cute there. Have you heard about this thing called the Burr baskets? No, it's say you are are for when you get cold in the winter, and it's like these gift baskets.
No, but that's a really cute idea. Is that just New York or everywhere?
Do you think it's everywhere everywhere that you have a phone or social platforms?
Well? Or should have been paying you for that plug right there?
Yeah, uh huh.
I don't know the Burr.
I think it's a concept, not a brand. But what goes into the bur basket is like super cozy warm sucks and like like little lip balms and like a sidebar.
We're launching this if it's not a thing. Next Caroline, I was ten years old and my grandma accidentally got me an after Dark version of a board game. This happens.
I don't know what that is. Wait first, you tell me what that is.
It's like the raunchy version of whatever it is.
Grandma's are getting down.
Yeah, my grandma's. The grandma's are a problem.
Okay.
Tara says she was gifted upside down pineapple earrings and a necklace, usually a sign for swingers.
I didn't know that there goes on my pineapple jewelry.
For April Fools. You should just gift it to a bunch of the moms at your school. Not a blink wink. Ella said, my mom gave me a meat thermometer. I'm vegetarian.
I don't know. I don't know why people forget these things.
Yeah, it seems very on purpose though, to get as a gift, or maybe.
There are student I don't know why we're excusing this. We have so many to get through this. The moo is a.
Gift, Yeah, could be a shty gift, okay. Ashley says I got a blanket made of ties that belonged to my grandpa's new wife's dead first husband.
What No, that's so creepy. No, wow, a blanket too, Like you're wrapped up in it. Wow, it's amazing.
Yeah, no, okay, I mean I could come up with a rationalization.
Oh well, let's hear it. I do want to hear that one. Well.
There are a lot of in the crafting community. Don't notice how I also always act like I know everything.
No, you do. They In fact, we've read your comments and you're like, you feel like Jess is like the big sister to me. I don't know anything.
I know these things a lot of blankets or if you like to, like hook rugs or that kind of thing. You take old materials and you shred them and you repurpose them. So I actually we have a blanket in our in our life. That is one of anyways, there's someone lovely and very important to us. They're his old shirts.
I love that. Yeah, except I think that this personally appreciated it.
Yeah, this person.
I don't even know this person. Okay, Whitney. Three weeks after giving birth, I was given mom Jean shorts. I guess jorts that I didn't ask for. You. See, youse have that, And I'm like, I like a jort. No, No, A jaw is a little bit. It's a little it's a high waisted, it's a little looser on the bottom.
Yeah.
Just I feel like I've seen you in a jor, like a linen jor.
I object.
I don't know. I feel like I've seen you rock and a jaw.
Never seen me in a pair of shorts. Are you kidding? I think you can't make shorts short enough for me. But I like a pair of shorts that a bikini wax is necessary, like short listen.
I mean there's nothing, no, no, no, I know you love a shorty.
You're like Miro Many.
Yeah. Yeah, of course I love that about you. But I do think that there's been a geor shape.
Oh my gosh, this next one, Jenny, I feel you. My grandma gifted me a painting of something she thought looked like me. It was a painting of a weird rat.
It's just good, Emily says, at age thirteen, my grandmother gifted me lingerie to impress boys I might meet horny Grandma's the grandmas are an issue.
Yeah, and also you're right thirteen, Please say more.
Wow.
I wasn't wearing lingerie at thirteen, by the way.
Hell no, Jamie, this.
Wasn't a gift to me, but my aunt or aunt bought my dad, who's a recovering alcohol lick a hip flask.
I mean that it's a major faux pa.
That's yet. You don't do that, Jada.
Said, A calendar with family dogs. But it's my dep mom's extended family dogs. Have no idea.
Random dog calendar.
Just I feel like I want to do that to you. I think I'm gonna send you a calendar of just my dogs. Sure, sure, sure, okay, Ray says.
My second year of teaching health, I received a pair of tonsils from a student.
That's kind of cool in a weird way.
I was gonna say, I feel like there's more to this story.
I feel yeah, come on, they said like, if you're.
Hitting your tonsils out, bring him to me in a jar. And then they did, and now he's right.
Yeah, yeah, it was weird. Can you take them home? I guess you can. Do you put them? I mean, how do you keep keep it? I have questions, Meredith. My mom got me a weird chin strap exercise thing that eliminates a double chin. That's such a love that.
Thanks mom.
Yeah, it's a real confidence booster.
It's a confidence booster.
Live.
I was given a cuddle boyfriend pillow and it has an arm to wrap around yourself to make you feel less alone.
Shut up.
Listen. If you're around like your cousins and stuff, and they're you're like, okay, I'm oping this one up and it's a cuddle boyfriend because you're single, it just feels I don't know. I don't like this one.
I think you can leave it at home. I don't think you're cuddling with it around others.
Will you leave it at home? But you're opening it up and someone thinks that you need the pillow? I don't know. Summer, my cousins gave me a call a car. This will be easier for me to stand a bush accent. Can I just tell you this? Summer my cousins gave me a call bull cut out of the rock, so weird?
Is that what you sound like when you're English?
Yeah?
I love it. You should definitely, Yeah, I do. Okay, sounds splicy cardboard cut.
Out, A cardboard cut out. It's just harder an American accent. I digress of the rock, So weird. No, there's more to this, chew. Come on, Maybe you love Jumanji or something. I don't know.
During COVID when we couldn't all be together for the holidays. I got a cardboard cut out like a life size one of the kids, and I sent it to my parents.
That's really cute.
That's really cute, Maya. The weirdest gift I ever got a taxidermy due. I'm terrified of it.
What no, No, I don't like that cure. My ex gifted me a ring that had a name engraved in it, but it wasn't my name.
I got it in a state sale. It's vintage.
I mean, okay, yes, possible, but don't ever like if you're in estate sale, like, you don't need to pick the ring that has the engraving. Go get it blasted off by somebody.
Teya.
I got a book from my grandfather that had a voice box inside, but it was his girlfriend's voice instead of his.
Surprise. That's very strange. The grandparents are not looking so hot right now. No, they got to work on it. I think they need some feedback.
Or actually, the grandmas are pretty hot, but we need them to get cooler.
There's spicy, Yeah, Claire, I got gifted back the gift that I gave that person the year prior. I've had this happen to me. Oh, I can't remember what gift it was, but it was very clear that I had gifted it.
I think that's just awkward and kind of stuneyoper are Yeah, of course.
I mean what are you didn't cry?
No, Carissa said, my monster in law gave me makeup for Christmas. That was clearly used.
Oh that's great us, Malaura. I got a box of what duct tape with a book of how to make things out of duct tape. I have never once expressed that I want to do this, but whoever got it for you really sees it for you. Yay. Yeah, they see you as a duct tape creator. Yeah wow new business.
Ali wrote it and said I love Harry Styles. However I did not need to receive a cardboard cutout of him creepy and weird gift.
Yeah, No, it's a little too intense. Maybe a cuddle pillow of Harry.
A a a cuddle boyfriend Harry Styles, I feel like a cuddle boyfriend.
It could that's you could mesh those two up and maybe it's more of a success. Yeah.
Yeah, then it has some personality and say, yeah, I think you could wrap your.
A name and Naya.
My boyfriend at the time gave me a Gellette shaving kit.
Oh goff, what's he mean? What's he trying to say?
Sh shave better? I don't know, you know what that feels to me? Like I can picture it now. He's on the way there, he's like, I forgot a gift. He runs into CVS, he sees that Gillette. He's like and it's all like, you know, some of those things are like kind of in the nice packaging and they're kind of like packaging and ie and he's like, wait.
Africa wrote in I think this one's very funny. I got a bathroom guest book for guests to leave their reviews of their bathroom experience in my house.
I've never heard of that. It's so gross, disgusting. Never I feel like Africa should have named names with that one. Yeah, one of the relationship. That's a brother gift potentially, mm hmm. Okay, Bethany, we do have to talk about that at some point, Bethany. I got men's boxers. My mother in law assumed all lesbians wear them. At first, I was like, before she said the last part, I was like, you know what, I want a men's boxers back in the day, they were like very like cool.
I wore them. I wouldn't uniform skirts.
But when you went with the last part, with the lesbian assumption, hmm, that's where it's going wrong. Yeah, that's where it takes a turn.
You don't get to do that. No, Natalia wrote in the worst gift I've ever received is one of those foot pedal workout things as a hint for me to lose.
I think I think the rule here should be unless you specifically say that you want a specific workout thing, you don't get gifted anything like that.
No.
If I came downstairs Christmas morning and there was a giant, like one of those giant like balls under the tree, Yeah, you're talking about the bouncy ones.
Yeah yeah, exercise.
Balls, Yeah yeah, Matt would be in trouble.
Yeah. Unless I specifically put it on my list, I would not want that.
No, Okay, Thalma, I got a bod Day one year, thought it was such a weird gift, but ended up loving it. Whow the This is what I'm saying. You could surprise someone with a gift and not realize that you actually fall in love with that gift. She loves that biday.
Yeah. I also think that's kind of just a cumbersome thing to give as a gift, Like, could you give a gift certificate for it and say, like.
I'll have the bidet installed next week. Yeah, you do that, wrapping the bidet and putting it under the tree. By the way, do all Americans know what.
A bidet is?
I've never seen a bidet in America.
Okay, so a bday as explained by a non European Jessica Capshaw, would be, it looks like a toilet without a seat or a back, and it has a fountain. Yeah, and like a fountain in the middle that is sort of adjustable and you.
You sit on it on it and you wash what you need to wash.
You wash your your you're downstairs, you're you're underbits, you're undercarriage.
I have one in my home, do you yes, in my primary bathroom.
I have that. Did you put it in? No?
I did not, and I was not gifted it. It was already there, little little add on.
That's unique.
Okay, you're next.
Mariska says, I got a penis shaped candle from my then boyfriend. I'm a lesbian now, thank god.
I mean the audacity and or sense of humor that someone would have to have.
To give you a penis shaped candle.
I can't say I've ever seen a penis shaped candle. Also, what time of year? It's not like a bachelorette party? Like what are you whipping that out? You know what I'm saying? Hm? Also, do you want to see it like burn? Yeah, it's kind of growth? Okay, Reagan? Okay. When I was fourteen, my grandma the Grandma's again, we are again watch out. Grandma gave me a box of photos, oh, random boys because I didn't have a boyfriend.
That's weird.
You know what? No, is it that weird? Because if they're boys in the neighborhood, it's kind of like a dating app, but grandma style, it's like a scrap book. It's like bumble what she's supposed to do with the pictures? Though? Yeah, you're right, because the people aren't also consenting to even be in the book.
Yeah okay, And we are going to finish this off with Jeffrey with another Grandma gone wrong.
My grandma gave me a.
Dildo and lub last year for Christmas.
I am not gay. It was so awkward, and none of us knew what to do or why she gifted me this.
This is what we're gonna you know what, we are naming this pod Grandma's Gone Wild because or some version of that, because we got to talk to some grandma's, you know, like we got to talk to that grandma.
Oh we're not there yet, but I'm telling you, I feel like these ladies really, I mean, how often do you hear like zero fs given? But I think that it's almost like an age thing, like you earn that you don't give up. I'm gonna give my grandkids all sorts of weird section. I don't care anymore.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's on sale, do you know what I mean? I don't know. Maybe like she's trying to be hit right, like sex positive, like whatever you need things right now, whatever you need, I'm cool with it. In fact, here's a dildo and loop? How about it?
All?
Right?
Well, you continue to inspire and make me laugh. I can't get very much for this moment. This was a session I did not know that I needed, and I'm glad that I got me too.
They always come through. But I really think that also what I love about it is that we continue to get surprised.
Yeah, well there's people out there that are ready to surprise you.
Yeah they are all right, We're gonna let you guys go and call this the end of the episode. You take a step and take him a tet
