Valentine’s Day is about expressing love in all its forms—but it can also be a chance to sit with some of love’s stickier realities. Today, we’re sharing an episode from the TED podcast “How To Be a Better Human,” in which host and comedian Chris Duffy speaks with family therapist Stephanie Yates-Anyabwile about why rigid relationship “templates” can hold us back, how to live a relationship rather than perform one, and how to navigate big life changes with our partners.

In case you missed it—Maya’s new book, “The Other Side of Change,” is officially a bestseller! Order your copy at changewithmaya.com/book, or wherever you like to buy books.