When you've got that voice telling you you're no good. Who do you think you are? And you're not pretty and people are going to make fun of you, you start to really listen to that voice. When you voice your fear, the fear actually ends up being less. Why is it that if you name something, you feel.

When you've got that voice telling you you're no good. Who do you think you are? And you're not pretty and people are going to make fun of you, you start to really listen to that voice. When you voice your fear, the fear actually ends up being less. Why is it that if you name something, you feel.

Better about it, Because most of.

Better about it, Because most of.

Us we want to stop feeling the ego. We want to pretend it doesn't exist, we want to villainize it.

Us we want to stop feeling the ego. We want to pretend it doesn't exist, we want to villainize it.

But what if it be freaking superpower?

But what if it be freaking superpower?

I'm Radley d Wlukiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry, we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together.

I'm Radley d Wlukiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry, we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together.

Okay, Hi, Lisa?

Okay, Hi, Lisa?

What I holpi?

What I holpi?

Lisa Billiu is in the building people, and before we get started, I need to tell you the story of one how we met and two what she represents for me in my life.

Lisa Billiu is in the building people, and before we get started, I need to tell you the story of one how we met and two what she represents for me in my life.

First of all, thank you for being here, Thanks for having me so grateful.

First of all, thank you for being here, Thanks for having me so grateful.

Lisa is the person who well, let me just start off by saying she has a book out called Radical Confidence and the reason I'm mentioning this first off is because she is somebody who I don't know whether you know this. I think I've told this day in the past, but inspired and pushed me to actually become more confident in my life from the moment that I met her, And it was.

Lisa is the person who well, let me just start off by saying she has a book out called Radical Confidence and the reason I'm mentioning this first off is because she is somebody who I don't know whether you know this. I think I've told this day in the past, but inspired and pushed me to actually become more confident in my life from the moment that I met her, And it was.

The first podcast. Her podcast was the first podcast.

The first podcast. Her podcast was the first podcast.

I ever went on. It's called Women of Impact. And when she first asked me to be on it, we had become friends. We were meeting up regularly, hanging out, and she asked me to come on the podcast. And I was like, why would I come on your podcast?

I ever went on. It's called Women of Impact. And when she first asked me to be on it, we had become friends. We were meeting up regularly, hanging out, and she asked me to come on the podcast. And I was like, why would I come on your podcast?

Like for what reason?

Like for what reason?

What would I talk about? What would we talk about? And you said, you know, it's going to be conversational. We're just going to have a conversation, just like we're having now while we're having coffee. And I remember the day of I was honestly going to call her and be like, I cannot come. I'm ill, there's something wrong with me. There's no way I'm making it to your podcast. But you have been from the moment I met you such an incredible hype woman, and like you exude did so much confidence from the moment I met you that it you know how they say, the energy that you.

What would I talk about? What would we talk about? And you said, you know, it's going to be conversational. We're just going to have a conversation, just like we're having now while we're having coffee. And I remember the day of I was honestly going to call her and be like, I cannot come. I'm ill, there's something wrong with me. There's no way I'm making it to your podcast. But you have been from the moment I met you such an incredible hype woman, and like you exude did so much confidence from the moment I met you that it you know how they say, the energy that you.

Carry you can pour into other people.

Carry you can pour into other people.

You did that to me, and so somehow from all the words of encouragement you gave me, I ended up coming onto that podcast. And let me tell you, that podcast not only did it open up so much in me and gave me the confidence to realize what I had within me, the amount of people still to this day that come up to me and tell me that they cried with me in the podcast, that it helped them go through so much of what they were going through and gave them hope for the future, purely because Lisa believed in me before I believed in myself and gave me the platform an opportunity to prove to myself that I could do something that I wasn't comfortable doing.

You did that to me, and so somehow from all the words of encouragement you gave me, I ended up coming onto that podcast. And let me tell you, that podcast not only did it open up so much in me and gave me the confidence to realize what I had within me, the amount of people still to this day that come up to me and tell me that they cried with me in the podcast, that it helped them go through so much of what they were going through and gave them hope for the future, purely because Lisa believed in me before I believed in myself and gave me the platform an opportunity to prove to myself that I could do something that I wasn't comfortable doing.

So thank you for that.

So thank you for that.

Oh my god. I mean, here's the thing. I just saw you. I know I saw you, and when.

Oh my god. I mean, here's the thing. I just saw you. I know I saw you, and when.

You're not in that person's head, I don't carry the insecurities you carry. So I just see this very bubbly, sweet, kind in intellectual, driven, ambitious like friend, and so I didn't carry all the insecurities that you carry.

You're not in that person's head, I don't carry the insecurities you carry. So I just see this very bubbly, sweet, kind in intellectual, driven, ambitious like friend, and so I didn't carry all the insecurities that you carry.

So when I asked you to come on my show, I was like, of.

So when I asked you to come on my show, I was like, of.

Course you should come wat. You need to teach you other women how you think. And then I saw that was when I then saw your insecurities because I didn't actually even see it, and you were ming and you were r ring and you were asking me a thousand questions, and I was like, wow, I didn't expect it because I just see the shine that you bring into every fricking room. And I think, and as a friend, I think that that's the important part, is that it is our jobs to highlight the beauty that we see, to help that person or our friends out of their negative loop that maybe they have an internal loop that they're telling themselves then they're going right. So whatever loop you were on me just telling you exactly how I felt, Yeah, it just like breaks that cycle and then hopefully allows you to then rewire. And then obviously you saw the knock on effect that other people were receiving your message so well, and then hopefully that then became the stepping stones to then you building your own confidence.

Course you should come wat. You need to teach you other women how you think. And then I saw that was when I then saw your insecurities because I didn't actually even see it, and you were ming and you were r ring and you were asking me a thousand questions, and I was like, wow, I didn't expect it because I just see the shine that you bring into every fricking room. And I think, and as a friend, I think that that's the important part, is that it is our jobs to highlight the beauty that we see, to help that person or our friends out of their negative loop that maybe they have an internal loop that they're telling themselves then they're going right. So whatever loop you were on me just telling you exactly how I felt, Yeah, it just like breaks that cycle and then hopefully allows you to then rewire. And then obviously you saw the knock on effect that other people were receiving your message so well, and then hopefully that then became the stepping stones to then you building your own confidence.

It really was, And even just having that conversation, it wasn't even the knock on effect other people. It was the effect that it had of me even opening up and having that conversation with you, to have someone who was like actively asking me questions that I hadn't even thought about my life well, actively listening and you were asking me questions within the questions, and I was like, gosh, I haven't thought about any of this, but I'm having to think of it in this moment and unwrap it in this moment. So it was it was basically like a therapy session for me. You gave me a free therapy session, Thank you. But you have this book out called Radical Confidence, and I want to ask start off by asking you what do you feel radical confidence means?

It really was, And even just having that conversation, it wasn't even the knock on effect other people. It was the effect that it had of me even opening up and having that conversation with you, to have someone who was like actively asking me questions that I hadn't even thought about my life well, actively listening and you were asking me questions within the questions, and I was like, gosh, I haven't thought about any of this, but I'm having to think of it in this moment and unwrap it in this moment. So it was it was basically like a therapy session for me. You gave me a free therapy session, Thank you. But you have this book out called Radical Confidence, and I want to ask start off by asking you what do you feel radical confidence means?

Like what is radical confidence on a day to day basis?

Like what is radical confidence on a day to day basis?

Yeah, So people used to say that I was confident or think that I was confident, and it's like going back to that negative voice in your head. It's like when you've got that voice telling you you're no good and who do you think you are? And you're not pretty and people are going to make fun of you, Like you start to really listen to that voice. And so when people saying I was confident, I was like, I don't understand what you mean because I don't feel it. And what I realized was people saw that I had radical confidence, which means that I feel utterly insecure. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't believe in myself. I have a negative voice, but I still take steps forward into action, and it's the action piece that turns into me getting good and me getting good and competent. Is then what leads to me being confident. And what I thought was though in just telling people, oh, you don't feel confident, I'll do it anyway, that is the worst advice right, Like, it winds me up because when people say just do it anyway, you know it's not easy just to do it anyway. So for me, it's like, Okay, I know I need to move forward. I can't stay still otherwise I'm not going to build my confidence like a muscle. So how do I take action? How do I get started? And so to me, it's about a blueprint. It's about putting steps together before you even start something so that when you get started, you don't fail. You don't let that negative voice this persuade you to do something else.

Yeah, So people used to say that I was confident or think that I was confident, and it's like going back to that negative voice in your head. It's like when you've got that voice telling you you're no good and who do you think you are? And you're not pretty and people are going to make fun of you, Like you start to really listen to that voice. And so when people saying I was confident, I was like, I don't understand what you mean because I don't feel it. And what I realized was people saw that I had radical confidence, which means that I feel utterly insecure. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't believe in myself. I have a negative voice, but I still take steps forward into action, and it's the action piece that turns into me getting good and me getting good and competent. Is then what leads to me being confident. And what I thought was though in just telling people, oh, you don't feel confident, I'll do it anyway, that is the worst advice right, Like, it winds me up because when people say just do it anyway, you know it's not easy just to do it anyway. So for me, it's like, Okay, I know I need to move forward. I can't stay still otherwise I'm not going to build my confidence like a muscle. So how do I take action? How do I get started? And so to me, it's about a blueprint. It's about putting steps together before you even start something so that when you get started, you don't fail. You don't let that negative voice this persuade you to do something else.

Is putting on your armor before you go on the battlefield.

Is putting on your armor before you go on the battlefield.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, exactly.

Or I just imagine, let's take your podcast for example, I bet you.

Or I just imagine, let's take your podcast for example, I bet you.

I know you well enough. It was like, do I do it? Do I not? Oh my god? But if I get started now, I'm going to be held to it.

I know you well enough. It was like, do I do it? Do I not? Oh my god? But if I get started now, I'm going to be held to it.

Well, if I signed this contract, does that mean I have to commit to like the weekly things?

Well, if I signed this contract, does that mean I have to commit to like the weekly things?

What happens if I have nothing to say that week?

What happens if I have nothing to say that week?

Right? Or what if I feel about I don't know what to do?

Right? Or what if I feel about I don't know what to do?

The second though, you go, Okay, there is this fear, but what.

The second though, you go, Okay, there is this fear, but what.

Am I going to call it? Yeah?

Am I going to call it? Yeah?

Yes, you don't hire a team yet, you haven't even told anyone, but you're like, what am I going to call it?

Yes, you don't hire a team yet, you haven't even told anyone, but you're like, what am I going to call it?

If it was to do it, what would I call it?

If it was to do it, what would I call it?

Yeah? And then the step second step, what would the set look like?

Yeah? And then the step second step, what would the set look like?

So what you're doing is you're starting to put these tiny little steps in in making decisions whether the bigger picture isn't so overwhelmed you don't get started in the first place, because if I was to sit here and go all right, rady, you're going to do and build the biggest postcasts in the world, get started right now, and you'd be like, oh god, you would freeze.

So what you're doing is you're starting to put these tiny little steps in in making decisions whether the bigger picture isn't so overwhelmed you don't get started in the first place, because if I was to sit here and go all right, rady, you're going to do and build the biggest postcasts in the world, get started right now, and you'd be like, oh god, you would freeze.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But if I said to you just today on a Monday, let's say, what name would.

But if I said to you just today on a Monday, let's say, what name would.

You call it, Yeah, and then not you Tuesday, what would you just set look like? And then on a Wednesday, who would your first guest be? All of that now doesn't become overwhelming. Now, that is how you gain radical confidence in order to become confident at the end.

You call it, Yeah, and then not you Tuesday, what would you just set look like? And then on a Wednesday, who would your first guest be? All of that now doesn't become overwhelming. Now, that is how you gain radical confidence in order to become confident at the end.

That's so true. I was just thinking of the way that you're saying it.

That's so true. I was just thinking of the way that you're saying it.

And they do say little steps at a time, but the way that you've just described, I'm like, yeah, you're almost creating it in your imagination before it's happening. Yes, you're almost experiencing it before it's happened, and therefore your body and your mind become a little more like you're dabbling your toes in it. You're like, Okay, let me just test the waters, see how I feel if I was to do it. Let me hypothetically create this scenario. And then your mind kind of realizes that, oh, I've created this scenario and I actually don't feel too weird about it, and this name actually feels really great, and said that I've created, I actually we like it and create excitement rather than the fear. Exactly, it takes over the fear that you're feeling.

And they do say little steps at a time, but the way that you've just described, I'm like, yeah, you're almost creating it in your imagination before it's happening. Yes, you're almost experiencing it before it's happened, and therefore your body and your mind become a little more like you're dabbling your toes in it. You're like, Okay, let me just test the waters, see how I feel if I was to do it. Let me hypothetically create this scenario. And then your mind kind of realizes that, oh, I've created this scenario and I actually don't feel too weird about it, and this name actually feels really great, and said that I've created, I actually we like it and create excitement rather than the fear. Exactly, it takes over the fear that you're feeling.

Yeah, I interviewed this neurosurgeon, and it basically is neuroplasticity. And so what you're doing is your when you voice your fear, when you like picture your fear, the fear actually ends up being less.

Yeah, I interviewed this neurosurgeon, and it basically is neuroplasticity. And so what you're doing is your when you voice your fear, when you like picture your fear, the fear actually ends up being less.

Now I really like to understand why.

Now I really like to understand why.

Yes, right, because I really want to be able to impact myself in order to achieve or to set a goal and then achieve it.

Yes, right, because I really want to be able to impact myself in order to achieve or to set a goal and then achieve it.

So why is it that if.

So why is it that if.

You name something you feel better about it, because most of us in the fear don't bloody want to talk about it, right, So what she explained to me was, look, when you label something as fearful and you try to forget about you try not to look at it. The second happens, all of your anxiety comes to the surface. But if you name something, what you're doing is you're telling and framing it in your mind like it's normal. And so this is why things like manifestation really works, because if you don't manifest let's say, for instance, you're just like, all of a sudden, someone comes to you and they're like, I'm going to offer you a podcast the fear of Oh my God. A podcast who's gonna listen to?

You name something you feel better about it, because most of us in the fear don't bloody want to talk about it, right, So what she explained to me was, look, when you label something as fearful and you try to forget about you try not to look at it. The second happens, all of your anxiety comes to the surface. But if you name something, what you're doing is you're telling and framing it in your mind like it's normal. And so this is why things like manifestation really works, because if you don't manifest let's say, for instance, you're just like, all of a sudden, someone comes to you and they're like, I'm going to offer you a podcast the fear of Oh my God. A podcast who's gonna listen to?

It?

It?

Will all come rushing forward.

Will all come rushing forward.

Now, if you've manifested, if you've been thinking about it, you're telling your body, this isn't fearful.

Now, if you've manifested, if you've been thinking about it, you're telling your body, this isn't fearful.

You're ready, it's ready. You will correct exactly.

You're ready, it's ready. You will correct exactly.

You've prepped yourself for it so that the second then, if you've been doing the work, when you eventually then get your podcast, the fear on day one won't be as extreme because you've done all that neuroplasticity and frame rebuilding your mind into not seeing that as something fearful but seeing it is something exciting.

You've prepped yourself for it so that the second then, if you've been doing the work, when you eventually then get your podcast, the fear on day one won't be as extreme because you've done all that neuroplasticity and frame rebuilding your mind into not seeing that as something fearful but seeing it is something exciting.

Yeah, I remember hearing this code, and I don't think I'm saying it exactly, but it says the sword of knowledge can cut through fear.

Yeah, I remember hearing this code, and I don't think I'm saying it exactly, but it says the sword of knowledge can cut through fear.

And so what that.

And so what that.

Means is like, it's exactly what you're saying. When you are able to identify it doesn't mean that you know everything, but when your body and your mind sees it as being familiar, like anything unknown, we create fear around So how do we get how do we get around that? Well, if it's unf familiar, make it familiar, and then you don't you don't feel the fear anymore. And so creating the labels or creating that visual in your mind, or making something feel more familiar reduce it, or understanding it better reduces the fear that you feel from it.

Means is like, it's exactly what you're saying. When you are able to identify it doesn't mean that you know everything, but when your body and your mind sees it as being familiar, like anything unknown, we create fear around So how do we get how do we get around that? Well, if it's unf familiar, make it familiar, and then you don't you don't feel the fear anymore. And so creating the labels or creating that visual in your mind, or making something feel more familiar reduce it, or understanding it better reduces the fear that you feel from it.

Yeah, I mean, and you can take this too, from you know, building a podcast to even like religion. Let's say, it's like, I think that the power of religion really does almost make you think about death in a lighthearted way. And so if you believe that, okay, this isn't just one life, that there actually are multiple lives or I interviewed this woman that was one hundred and three years old, gladdess that I was telling.

Yeah, I mean, and you can take this too, from you know, building a podcast to even like religion. Let's say, it's like, I think that the power of religion really does almost make you think about death in a lighthearted way. And so if you believe that, okay, this isn't just one life, that there actually are multiple lives or I interviewed this woman that was one hundred and three years old, gladdess that I was telling.

You about amazing.

You about amazing.

I said to her, she has a ten year plan and she's one hundred and three, and so I didn't want to be disrespectful, but I wanted to know the truth. I was like, in all honesty, how do you have a ten year plan? And she was like, well, maybe I make it make but I don't. But at least I know what I'm always working towards. And then she says, and then when I die, she's like all the people that died before me. Because her children, some of her children have died, because she's one hundred and three, She's like, I don't grieve them not being here because I just know that when I die, it's a do you believe so she's going to she believes she's gonna have a party. On the other side because you know her daughter who passed away, her brothers, and so there's no fear. So when you just have acknowledged it, you look at it, you see the positive side of it instead of the negative side. You now literally can eliminate that fear. And when you know that, now you can almost use that framework in anything you want.

I said to her, she has a ten year plan and she's one hundred and three, and so I didn't want to be disrespectful, but I wanted to know the truth. I was like, in all honesty, how do you have a ten year plan? And she was like, well, maybe I make it make but I don't. But at least I know what I'm always working towards. And then she says, and then when I die, she's like all the people that died before me. Because her children, some of her children have died, because she's one hundred and three, She's like, I don't grieve them not being here because I just know that when I die, it's a do you believe so she's going to she believes she's gonna have a party. On the other side because you know her daughter who passed away, her brothers, and so there's no fear. So when you just have acknowledged it, you look at it, you see the positive side of it instead of the negative side. You now literally can eliminate that fear. And when you know that, now you can almost use that framework in anything you want.

Yes, absolutely, I think about that with death as well. I feel like when I started understanding different spiritual practices and what connected to me the most was the soul is eternal, and so that changed my whole perception and view of fear in this lifetime, of what this physical body means, of what it means to live in this body, what fear actually means to my body versus my heart or my soul. And so whether people believe it or not, for me, that reduced the amount of fear that I was even feeling about my day to day life, about my family, about everything around me, that I was creating so much anxiety and fear around me.

Yes, absolutely, I think about that with death as well. I feel like when I started understanding different spiritual practices and what connected to me the most was the soul is eternal, and so that changed my whole perception and view of fear in this lifetime, of what this physical body means, of what it means to live in this body, what fear actually means to my body versus my heart or my soul. And so whether people believe it or not, for me, that reduced the amount of fear that I was even feeling about my day to day life, about my family, about everything around me, that I was creating so much anxiety and fear around me.

I don't know if you've heard this recently.

I don't know if you've heard this recently.

I just discovered it, and I love talking to you about new studies and stuff. So I've been having problems with my health. You know, I've been struggling for a long time. But recently we've identified that it could be my liver. Wow, Okay, And what I heard recently is the liver is the organ of anger, and that you have organs that are related to every emotion.

I just discovered it, and I love talking to you about new studies and stuff. So I've been having problems with my health. You know, I've been struggling for a long time. But recently we've identified that it could be my liver. Wow, Okay, And what I heard recently is the liver is the organ of anger, and that you have organs that are related to every emotion.

Yeah, tell me, I had no idea.

Yeah, tell me, I had no idea.

Yes, every emotion.

Yes, every emotion.

And there's this incredible chart, and I think in my first episode I talk about this where there's this incredible chart where they did heat senses of the body of what emotion light what part of your body lights up with different emotions. And so I've heard that the liver is the organ for anger, but there's also like when you feel angry, you know how they say hot headed. So apparently the heat rises in the body up till the head. So when someone's feeling angry, they did like heat senses on people, and the head is the place that gets like the hottest during anger. And so in different parts of the body, like for women when they're feeling really emotional and sad, it's in the pelvis area or the hips area. And that's why even in yoga when I do my yoga teacher training. The key exercises that are recommended for women for emotional release are hip openness, because we hold so much and which makes sense because you know a lot of women's for women especially, our body is prone, especially by a certain age, start to start creating certain hormones for giving birth, for menopause, for whatever it is.

And there's this incredible chart, and I think in my first episode I talk about this where there's this incredible chart where they did heat senses of the body of what emotion light what part of your body lights up with different emotions. And so I've heard that the liver is the organ for anger, but there's also like when you feel angry, you know how they say hot headed. So apparently the heat rises in the body up till the head. So when someone's feeling angry, they did like heat senses on people, and the head is the place that gets like the hottest during anger. And so in different parts of the body, like for women when they're feeling really emotional and sad, it's in the pelvis area or the hips area. And that's why even in yoga when I do my yoga teacher training. The key exercises that are recommended for women for emotional release are hip openness, because we hold so much and which makes sense because you know a lot of women's for women especially, our body is prone, especially by a certain age, start to start creating certain hormones for giving birth, for menopause, for whatever it is.

And so all of our hormones lie.

And so all of our hormones lie.

Within the area, and so apparently our emotional release all lies in our hip flexes. And so there's so many different parts of our body that one whole different emotions, but two whole different types of different types of our traumas, and the different energy that we hold in our body from every past experience that we have.

Within the area, and so apparently our emotional release all lies in our hip flexes. And so there's so many different parts of our body that one whole different emotions, but two whole different types of different types of our traumas, and the different energy that we hold in our body from every past experience that we have.

It is fascinating. And I'm reading the book. I read it a long time ago, but the body keeps the score.

It is fascinating. And I'm reading the book. I read it a long time ago, but the body keeps the score.

I've been recommended that I just restarted it today, in fact, because I want to understand this, because again, how do we connect the body with our mind and the mind with the body.

I've been recommended that I just restarted it today, in fact, because I want to understand this, because again, how do we connect the body with our mind and the mind with the body.

And for me, you know, I joke, but I'm actually really serious. I want to live till I'm over one hundred. But women is something like even though women live longer than men, we end up living in worse health twenty percent of our lives.

And for me, you know, I joke, but I'm actually really serious. I want to live till I'm over one hundred. But women is something like even though women live longer than men, we end up living in worse health twenty percent of our lives.

More than men.

More than men.

So even though we live longer, we actually live in more poorer health in our life than men do.

So even though we live longer, we actually live in more poorer health in our life than men do.

Well.

Well.

So married men live longer than single men because they've got a woman to tell them, don't text and drive, go to the doctor when you've got.

So married men live longer than single men because they've got a woman to tell them, don't text and drive, go to the doctor when you've got.

A headache, things like that.

A headache, things like that.

But married women live less as not as long as single women because we're take caretakers. That is so interesting, actually, I stat from doctor Amon himself.

But married women live less as not as long as single women because we're take caretakers. That is so interesting, actually, I stat from doctor Amon himself.

Wow.

Wow.

Yeah, So when I think about our lifespan, when I think about how we show up every day, when I think about what we're doing people pleasing, what that's doing. Internally, I'm really starting to pay attention. I'm starting to really understand like the organs and things like that, and I think, like, if you have lung issues, it's a sign of fear because again, like your lungs is the thing that.

Yeah, So when I think about our lifespan, when I think about how we show up every day, when I think about what we're doing people pleasing, what that's doing. Internally, I'm really starting to pay attention. I'm starting to really understand like the organs and things like that, and I think, like, if you have lung issues, it's a sign of fear because again, like your lungs is the thing that.

Ys like rung titan, like, it's the it's where the fight or flight responsib really lies in your breath and if you're yeah, it's it's so fascinating. I I was thinking about the fact that we were talking about armor earlier, and I remember the first time I saw you, I was just so like enamored by.

Ys like rung titan, like, it's the it's where the fight or flight responsib really lies in your breath and if you're yeah, it's it's so fascinating. I I was thinking about the fact that we were talking about armor earlier, and I remember the first time I saw you, I was just so like enamored by.

How badazzled you were, Like you were like you were.

How badazzled you were, Like you were like you were.

Decked out, you had the change, you had, all the bling, you had your.

Decked out, you had the change, you had, all the bling, you had your.

Watches and as she has today. But it also like.

Watches and as she has today. But it also like.

After I met you, I was like this, there was something about you that stood out and it was the jewels. And it wasn't like what you were in, yes, that obviously stands out, but it was like how you were carrying yourself with that. And I thought about armor that we just spoke about now, and how I felt like, you know, I know you always wear Superwoman somewhere wonder a wonder Woman, wonder Woman got we and I think you had that from when I first met.

After I met you, I was like this, there was something about you that stood out and it was the jewels. And it wasn't like what you were in, yes, that obviously stands out, but it was like how you were carrying yourself with that. And I thought about armor that we just spoke about now, and how I felt like, you know, I know you always wear Superwoman somewhere wonder a wonder Woman, wonder Woman got we and I think you had that from when I first met.

Oh this necklace, yeah, I've had for like seven years.

Oh this necklace, yeah, I've had for like seven years.

Yeah, And so I remember seeing that and I was like, gosh, she really does have this wonder Woman presence about her, Like you walk in the way that you carry yourself, what you're wearing, like you've always been very mindful about the way that you dress and what you put on your body and it and it being a symbol of who you are. And so I wanted to ask how you've how that's evolved in your life, and whether it's like a tooling technique for creating this confidence and how how how they marry together.

Yeah, And so I remember seeing that and I was like, gosh, she really does have this wonder Woman presence about her, Like you walk in the way that you carry yourself, what you're wearing, like you've always been very mindful about the way that you dress and what you put on your body and it and it being a symbol of who you are. And so I wanted to ask how you've how that's evolved in your life, and whether it's like a tooling technique for creating this confidence and how how how they marry together.

Yeah, it's super deliberate. So I set a goal and I think, how do I actually get to it? Now?

Yeah, it's super deliberate. So I set a goal and I think, how do I actually get to it? Now?

Flashing back to me being from North London.

Flashing back to me being from North London.

Greed girl, like at the age of ten, I was bully for my looks. I had the unibrow, I had the braces that went all the way around the head. And how many of us carry the bullying the idea of who we are with us for the rest of our lives. And I realized as I started to get into my twenties and my early thirties that the way that I was showing up was absolutely dictating the results that I was getting in life. And so when I wasn't achieving something, when I was so fearful over something, I wouldn't go after it. And so I said, okay, Lisa, just ask yourself what do you actually want? And at the time, I was a stay at home wife, right, I was supporting Tom, I was cooking for him, I was cleaning for him, and I wasn't happy. And at the time, I was like, I just want to have the courage to tell my husband I'm not happy because it's not his fault.

Greed girl, like at the age of ten, I was bully for my looks. I had the unibrow, I had the braces that went all the way around the head. And how many of us carry the bullying the idea of who we are with us for the rest of our lives. And I realized as I started to get into my twenties and my early thirties that the way that I was showing up was absolutely dictating the results that I was getting in life. And so when I wasn't achieving something, when I was so fearful over something, I wouldn't go after it. And so I said, okay, Lisa, just ask yourself what do you actually want? And at the time, I was a stay at home wife, right, I was supporting Tom, I was cooking for him, I was cleaning for him, and I wasn't happy. And at the time, I was like, I just want to have the courage to tell my husband I'm not happy because it's not his fault.

I didn't tell him. So how do we build our courage in order to say the hard thing?

I didn't tell him. So how do we build our courage in order to say the hard thing?

Right?

Right?

So when you say, Okay, this is what I'm struggling in, this is the goal. I just need confidence. At the time, I just used the word confidence. I just need confident to be able to tell him how the hell am I going to do it? And so I start to just read books about tactics and techniques, and what I realized is how you show up will actually absolutely make a difference to how you feel. So if you show up in your pajamas, you're gonna probably show up soft and sweet and puttly right. But if you in fact, i've seen your your dress sense, hold me your freaking bocanet.

So when you say, Okay, this is what I'm struggling in, this is the goal. I just need confidence. At the time, I just used the word confidence. I just need confident to be able to tell him how the hell am I going to do it? And so I start to just read books about tactics and techniques, and what I realized is how you show up will actually absolutely make a difference to how you feel. So if you show up in your pajamas, you're gonna probably show up soft and sweet and puttly right. But if you in fact, i've seen your your dress sense, hold me your freaking bocanet.

I'm so impressed.

I'm so impressed.

Yeah, I've definitely been trying.

Yeah, I've definitely been trying.

You really have.

You really have.

Now when you put on those beautiful, stunning dresses, what does that do to your brain?

Now when you put on those beautiful, stunning dresses, what does that do to your brain?

So different?

So different?

Like I remember, and I was going to ask you this, when you were in that period of your life, were you dressing to hide or were you dressing to be seen?

Like I remember, and I was going to ask you this, when you were in that period of your life, were you dressing to hide or were you dressing to be seen?

Oh?

Oh?

Great question. I used to dress to hide. I then started to dress so that I could start to see myself because I didn't think of myself as a pretty person. I didn't think of myself as valuable. I didn't think of myself as worthy. I didn't think you know, basically fill in the blank. Yeah, And so I started to go, Okay, the way that you think about yourself isn't serving what you want in life. So with compassion and grace, how do I start to actively change the belief I have about myself? And so I just was like, Okay, you're going to try one hundred things and probably ninety nine percent of them aren't going to work. So I had to give myself the space to fail in a bunch of things so that I wouldn't quit. And then I just started to realize, Okay, well when I dress, if I wear pajamas, I actually feel really soft. I don't feel powerful. When I put on my knee high boots, I kind of feel like a bad ass. So that became the catalyst to the idea of dressing. Then I just understood habits. Habits take thirty sixty ninety days to adopt, So I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and think all of a sudden, I'm a bad ass. It's going to take time. So go all right, Lisa, I have to build the habit. How do I build the habit? So I keep almost I call it first principles. I just keep going back to first print supports. So first principle is if I know a habit takes time, If I know that I need to use I can use clothes. If I know that mirroring, right, you look yourself in the mirror. If you look at yourself and insult yourself, yeah, what happens?

Great question. I used to dress to hide. I then started to dress so that I could start to see myself because I didn't think of myself as a pretty person. I didn't think of myself as valuable. I didn't think of myself as worthy. I didn't think you know, basically fill in the blank. Yeah, And so I started to go, Okay, the way that you think about yourself isn't serving what you want in life. So with compassion and grace, how do I start to actively change the belief I have about myself? And so I just was like, Okay, you're going to try one hundred things and probably ninety nine percent of them aren't going to work. So I had to give myself the space to fail in a bunch of things so that I wouldn't quit. And then I just started to realize, Okay, well when I dress, if I wear pajamas, I actually feel really soft. I don't feel powerful. When I put on my knee high boots, I kind of feel like a bad ass. So that became the catalyst to the idea of dressing. Then I just understood habits. Habits take thirty sixty ninety days to adopt, So I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and think all of a sudden, I'm a bad ass. It's going to take time. So go all right, Lisa, I have to build the habit. How do I build the habit? So I keep almost I call it first principles. I just keep going back to first print supports. So first principle is if I know a habit takes time, If I know that I need to use I can use clothes. If I know that mirroring, right, you look yourself in the mirror. If you look at yourself and insult yourself, yeah, what happens?

You feel worse?

You feel worse?

So I thought, okay, I'm naturally look in a mirror and insult myself all the time. What happens if I looked in the mirror and gave myself a compliment? What if that's the habit I build? Okay, now I've broken it down. And the final piece of first principle is what's the activation? What's going to activate switching me from negative to positive? So what's the activation that's going to take me from negative to positive?

So I thought, okay, I'm naturally look in a mirror and insult myself all the time. What happens if I looked in the mirror and gave myself a compliment? What if that's the habit I build? Okay, now I've broken it down. And the final piece of first principle is what's the activation? What's going to activate switching me from negative to positive? So what's the activation that's going to take me from negative to positive?

That as activation because usually your default would be most of our default is that negative. And so it's activating like reactivating yourself, restimulating yourself to realize not to be on your default every day. What's that word for it, autopilot? Yeah, autopilot. You're reactivating your exactly.

That as activation because usually your default would be most of our default is that negative. And so it's activating like reactivating yourself, restimulating yourself to realize not to be on your default every day. What's that word for it, autopilot? Yeah, autopilot. You're reactivating your exactly.

So I'm so used to going on autopilot and insulting myself.

So I'm so used to going on autopilot and insulting myself.

I had over twenty years of it, So why am I going to think.

I had over twenty years of it, So why am I going to think.

That I'm automatically going to change just because I've read the book a podcast. I just know that I know now I want to change, but I now need to actively show up to change it. So I go, Okay, I know I need a habit. I know that mirroring's very real, and I know clothes work. How do I now use all of this to have a tactic? And that's where I was like, let me go online and see if there's just like a Wonder Woman logo?

That I'm automatically going to change just because I've read the book a podcast. I just know that I know now I want to change, but I now need to actively show up to change it. So I go, Okay, I know I need a habit. I know that mirroring's very real, and I know clothes work. How do I now use all of this to have a tactic? And that's where I was like, let me go online and see if there's just like a Wonder Woman logo?

What's something like that?

What's something like that?

And I found this Wonder Woman necklace and I was like, all right, what if? And it sounds silly, but it worked.

And I found this Wonder Woman necklace and I was like, all right, what if? And it sounds silly, but it worked.

What if I put it.

What if I put it.

On and I look in the mirror and every day until it becomes habit, I tell myself that I'm a badass like Wonder Woman. And I just kept repeating it day after day after day, and you.

On and I look in the mirror and every day until it becomes habit, I tell myself that I'm a badass like Wonder Woman. And I just kept repeating it day after day after day, and you.

Do it for ninety days you do it for one hundred days, like you eventually start to go I'm a freaking.

Do it for ninety days you do it for one hundred days, like you eventually start to go I'm a freaking.

Bad like one, Yeah, I really am, you know, and then that belief then makes you show up differently. Showing up differently makes other people see you differently. Are the people seeing you differently? Then reflects back to oh huh.

Bad like one, Yeah, I really am, you know, and then that belief then makes you show up differently. Showing up differently makes other people see you differently. Are the people seeing you differently? Then reflects back to oh huh.

Interesting.

Interesting.

People used to think I was a total talk and like an idiot, and now people.

People used to think I was a total talk and like an idiot, and now people.

Are saying, you're really confident. Yes, And then that starts to then rewire your entire brain.

Are saying, you're really confident. Yes, And then that starts to then rewire your entire brain.

And reaffirm what you're doing.

And reaffirm what you're doing.

Yeah, exactly, And now someone else reaffirming what you're doing then reaffirms it in and of itself, and now you inevitably become confident.

Yeah, exactly, And now someone else reaffirming what you're doing then reaffirms it in and of itself, and now you inevitably become confident.

Oh my gosh, you really described that process so well, so thank you for doing And I think the only way you could really describe it is by being someone who's gone through it and has actually lived it. I had this visual when we were talking, when you were talking about you back in the day, thinking how you can be abaud us. I was thinking, one, that has to be the name of an expert us and two it was like a comic book in my mind where by the way, Lisa is an incredible artist, what like I can't even describe how incredible her are is.

Oh my gosh, you really described that process so well, so thank you for doing And I think the only way you could really describe it is by being someone who's gone through it and has actually lived it. I had this visual when we were talking, when you were talking about you back in the day, thinking how you can be abaud us. I was thinking, one, that has to be the name of an expert us and two it was like a comic book in my mind where by the way, Lisa is an incredible artist, what like I can't even describe how incredible her are is.

But I had this vision of you, like writing in your.

But I had this vision of you, like writing in your.

Scrap book how to be a bad Our Step one, And.

Scrap book how to be a bad Our Step one, And.

That's literally why I wrote the book Radical Confidence, because your confidence won't happen by accident. It has to be a deliberate, conscious effort every single day. And the thing is, I don't bs myself and I call myself on the reality of things, and between those two it's allowed me to say, does this technique works? And look, this technique even though I'm relaying to you, I tried a hundred different ones before that that completely failed, but I never gave up because I had the eye on that goal and then I retroactively work backwards.

That's literally why I wrote the book Radical Confidence, because your confidence won't happen by accident. It has to be a deliberate, conscious effort every single day. And the thing is, I don't bs myself and I call myself on the reality of things, and between those two it's allowed me to say, does this technique works? And look, this technique even though I'm relaying to you, I tried a hundred different ones before that that completely failed, but I never gave up because I had the eye on that goal and then I retroactively work backwards.

Yeah, I feel like you know, even when you were talking about changing the way that you were dressing as we just were, I was thinking for so many whenever I walk into a room and me and Jay really different on this, and I still am working to like change my mindset around it. But I'll be like, I don't want to be overdressed, and just like, why don't you want to be over something? I do not want to be overdressed. I'd rather be underdressed and overdressed. That's always been my mindset. I would rather be underdressed and overdress because I don't want to show up looking like I've tried too hard or like I have put in so much effort and then I'm like showing up more than everybody else. And so my mindset has forever been don't ever don't be too overdressed. It's better to be underdressed and overdress. His is it's better to be overdressed and underdressed, so I look like I'm prepared and I'm ready and I've come like having thought about it. And I was really thinking about that while you were talking, because I was saying, why do I feel like that? Like why do I always want prefer that? And I realized it's probably that feeling of if you're underdressed, people won't pay as much attention like you being underdressed, there's always gonna be more people overdressed, which means people are going to be looking at them more. So if you're underdressed, you kind of just blend in and you don't stick out.

Yeah, I feel like you know, even when you were talking about changing the way that you were dressing as we just were, I was thinking for so many whenever I walk into a room and me and Jay really different on this, and I still am working to like change my mindset around it. But I'll be like, I don't want to be overdressed, and just like, why don't you want to be over something? I do not want to be overdressed. I'd rather be underdressed and overdressed. That's always been my mindset. I would rather be underdressed and overdress because I don't want to show up looking like I've tried too hard or like I have put in so much effort and then I'm like showing up more than everybody else. And so my mindset has forever been don't ever don't be too overdressed. It's better to be underdressed and overdress. His is it's better to be overdressed and underdressed, so I look like I'm prepared and I'm ready and I've come like having thought about it. And I was really thinking about that while you were talking, because I was saying, why do I feel like that? Like why do I always want prefer that? And I realized it's probably that feeling of if you're underdressed, people won't pay as much attention like you being underdressed, there's always gonna be more people overdressed, which means people are going to be looking at them more. So if you're underdressed, you kind of just blend in and you don't stick out.

And I was thinking about it with you.

And I was thinking about it with you.

It's like you really had to change the way that you carried yourself and what you were wearing, so that even if you weren't ready to stick out, you can help us stick out.

It's like you really had to change the way that you carried yourself and what you were wearing, so that even if you weren't ready to stick out, you can help us stick out.

Oh can we talk about this for a second, because this is fascinating. We both have insecurities, and yeah, our tactics are very different because I'm like Jay out of insecurity. I want to be like, Okay, just in case, even if I'm gonna wear the heels and the thing and the thing, because I don't want people to think, oh God, look at the state of Lisa. And so yours is to not get the attention, and mind's to not get the negative attention.

Oh can we talk about this for a second, because this is fascinating. We both have insecurities, and yeah, our tactics are very different because I'm like Jay out of insecurity. I want to be like, Okay, just in case, even if I'm gonna wear the heels and the thing and the thing, because I don't want people to think, oh God, look at the state of Lisa. And so yours is to not get the attention, and mind's to not get the negative attention.

So we've got the same mindset going in, but our tactics are different. And so I'd rather like, if I don't feel good about myself, I'll be like, no, I'll just wear like the baggy shirt and the bags and things I feel the most comfortable in.

So we've got the same mindset going in, but our tactics are different. And so I'd rather like, if I don't feel good about myself, I'll be like, no, I'll just wear like the baggy shirt and the bags and things I feel the most comfortable in.

And yours is let me.

And yours is let me.

Show up in the things that I maybe don't feel comfortable in, but that make me show up as the person that I wanted to be.

Show up in the things that I maybe don't feel comfortable in, but that make me show up as the person that I wanted to be.

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna try your technique.

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna try your technique.

I'll try yours. We'll report back.

I'll try yours. We'll report back.

Yeah, and so what we're gonna.

Yeah, and so what we're gonna.

Go ahead I'm not just gonna say, but isn't that interesting even for anyone, especially women listening right now, of how we'll look at our friends, or we look at people around us, and we have a whole story in our head about how that person feels because I've seen you, We've been too many things together, and I've seen you really casual, and you know what I tell myself, Wow, I wish I was that confident to be able to just roll up in a big baggy sweater and not give a shit.

Go ahead I'm not just gonna say, but isn't that interesting even for anyone, especially women listening right now, of how we'll look at our friends, or we look at people around us, and we have a whole story in our head about how that person feels because I've seen you, We've been too many things together, and I've seen you really casual, and you know what I tell myself, Wow, I wish I was that confident to be able to just roll up in a big baggy sweater and not give a shit.

Yeah, So when my friends are like, gosh, I can't believe you showed up with like hardly any makeup on, or you don't get and I'm like, yeah, that's because I don't want to show up like I've shown up. And it's but I also now you saying that I've changed the way that I'm.

Yeah, So when my friends are like, gosh, I can't believe you showed up with like hardly any makeup on, or you don't get and I'm like, yeah, that's because I don't want to show up like I've shown up. And it's but I also now you saying that I've changed the way that I'm.

Like dressing and stuff.

Like dressing and stuff.

I realize how much it makes me feel good about myself when I'm putting an effort to myself, Like when I'm putting an effort on myself, when I'm thinking about what I can dress myself in and and the way that I can change the way that I'm looking in certain you know, when I'm going out when I'm going to parties, whatever it is, it actually is showing more care and attention to myself and so it's actually so much less about what other people are thinking or seeing you as. But it's like, Oh, I'm finally decided that I want to pay more attention to myself and that I want to be particular and attention to detail about the way that I'm looking after myself. And so I've now recognize it as a reflection of myself. I'm like, why am I gonna Why is my sweat drawer and my sweat area in my cupboard the largest area in my thing and hasn't changed since the pandemic, Like something has to change.

I realize how much it makes me feel good about myself when I'm putting an effort to myself, Like when I'm putting an effort on myself, when I'm thinking about what I can dress myself in and and the way that I can change the way that I'm looking in certain you know, when I'm going out when I'm going to parties, whatever it is, it actually is showing more care and attention to myself and so it's actually so much less about what other people are thinking or seeing you as. But it's like, Oh, I'm finally decided that I want to pay more attention to myself and that I want to be particular and attention to detail about the way that I'm looking after myself. And so I've now recognize it as a reflection of myself. I'm like, why am I gonna Why is my sweat drawer and my sweat area in my cupboard the largest area in my thing and hasn't changed since the pandemic, Like something has to change.

And my.

And my.

Assistant Lise bet I told her that at the beginning of the hours, I really want to like up level the way that I'm dressing, like it's not making me happy. And so every time I get into sweats and I decide to film a video, she's like, I'm just reminding you. You told me that you wanted to level up, and I'm just letting you know.

Assistant Lise bet I told her that at the beginning of the hours, I really want to like up level the way that I'm dressing, like it's not making me happy. And so every time I get into sweats and I decide to film a video, she's like, I'm just reminding you. You told me that you wanted to level up, and I'm just letting you know.

You're in sweats and I'm okay, fine, I'll go and change.

You're in sweats and I'm okay, fine, I'll go and change.

But it really does take a change of pattern because you get into comfort zone doesn't necessarily and I talk about this a lot lately because I've noticed it in myself. Being in your comfort zone doesn't necessarily mean you're happy. And we know that right, Like comfort zone is sometimes a very dangerous place to be in and it can actually keep you stagnant, unhappy, but it feels comfortable, and so yeah, I've started buying new things, trying out new hairstyles, trying out new different ways of dressing, and I'm like, oh, I actually really like it.

But it really does take a change of pattern because you get into comfort zone doesn't necessarily and I talk about this a lot lately because I've noticed it in myself. Being in your comfort zone doesn't necessarily mean you're happy. And we know that right, Like comfort zone is sometimes a very dangerous place to be in and it can actually keep you stagnant, unhappy, but it feels comfortable, and so yeah, I've started buying new things, trying out new hairstyles, trying out new different ways of dressing, and I'm like, oh, I actually really like it.

And it does make you feel so different.

And it does make you feel so different.

And now you're telling yourself right that you're worthy enough to put yourself first and.

And now you're telling yourself right that you're worthy enough to put yourself first and.

That in an effort is a good thing. It's not h oh, you're being too much or you're showing up. It's a weird it's a weird mindset to have, but yeah, that's what it was. Like, I don't want to seem like I've put in too much effort.

That in an effort is a good thing. It's not h oh, you're being too much or you're showing up. It's a weird it's a weird mindset to have, but yeah, that's what it was. Like, I don't want to seem like I've put in too much effort.

Now, think about what even just equating that with clothing, and like, we don't want to be perceived in a certain way, but if we don't really kind of take care of ourselves, that we're telling our bodies and ourselves that we're not priority.

Now, think about what even just equating that with clothing, and like, we don't want to be perceived in a certain way, but if we don't really kind of take care of ourselves, that we're telling our bodies and ourselves that we're not priority.

Now, imagine what people pleasing is doing.

Now, imagine what people pleasing is doing.

Yeah, well, you're always trying to please other people and you put yourself last. It's like, well, no, wonder we're having all these health issues because we've just been taught that you've got to keep showing up.

Yeah, well, you're always trying to please other people and you put yourself last. It's like, well, no, wonder we're having all these health issues because we've just been taught that you've got to keep showing up.

And it's selfish.

And it's selfish.

If you cook yourself food and don't cook your partner food or something like that, you know.

If you cook yourself food and don't cook your partner food or something like that, you know.

It tells you what you were to eat versus what what's good for your health versus what they want to have. On that note, we've had this conversation before, and I think sometimes, especially for women, there's this really blared line between confidence and arrogance and ego and how do you differentiate that not in other people, but in yourself when you are checking yourself, Because sometimes ego does take over and sometimes we can get a little bit arrogant in maybe our skills, our appearance, our whatever everybody tells us we are good at. Sometimes arrogance can creep in. How do you create that difference and how do you ensure that it is your confidence and it's not your ego.

It tells you what you were to eat versus what what's good for your health versus what they want to have. On that note, we've had this conversation before, and I think sometimes, especially for women, there's this really blared line between confidence and arrogance and ego and how do you differentiate that not in other people, but in yourself when you are checking yourself, Because sometimes ego does take over and sometimes we can get a little bit arrogant in maybe our skills, our appearance, our whatever everybody tells us we are good at. Sometimes arrogance can creep in. How do you create that difference and how do you ensure that it is your confidence and it's not your ego.

Yeah, it's a great question, and I think for me, arrogance and confidence is really when you're willing to show up, or you can show up and feel good about yourself. Arrogance is that you're trying to make other people smaller in order to feel good about yourself.

Yeah, it's a great question, and I think for me, arrogance and confidence is really when you're willing to show up, or you can show up and feel good about yourself. Arrogance is that you're trying to make other people smaller in order to feel good about yourself.

Great differentiation.

Great differentiation.

Yeah, so when you're trying to put other people down so that you feel great, that's freaking arrogance, right, Like I know more than you do things like that.

Yeah, so when you're trying to put other people down so that you feel great, that's freaking arrogance, right, Like I know more than you do things like that.

But now with ego.

But now with ego.

So for me, the funny thing is my ego and confidence are actually completely polar opposites.

So for me, the funny thing is my ego and confidence are actually completely polar opposites.

And so take band on that.

And so take band on that.

Okay, So take my show Women of impat Right, I'm about to go on camera, and I'm like, I don't want to get on camera, Like I'm bullied, I was teased for my looks. Why would I ever go on camera? And so I was like, I wanted to do a podcast. I really wanted to help women. That was like my mission statement. So I said to my husband Tom, I was like, Babe, I'm just going to do a podcast, but I'm just going to do it on zoom and I'm just gonna do it with my friends. And it was all because I was completely insecure, so I didn't want to like stretch myself back to the comfort zone. Thing, and so my wonderful husband. We've got a commitment to each other. We will always repeat back to each other what our goals and dreams are, especially moments where we're not acting in accordance. And so Tom said to me, Baby, I love you, and here's the hard truth. You've told me you really want to help women.

Okay, So take my show Women of impat Right, I'm about to go on camera, and I'm like, I don't want to get on camera, Like I'm bullied, I was teased for my looks. Why would I ever go on camera? And so I was like, I wanted to do a podcast. I really wanted to help women. That was like my mission statement. So I said to my husband Tom, I was like, Babe, I'm just going to do a podcast, but I'm just going to do it on zoom and I'm just gonna do it with my friends. And it was all because I was completely insecure, so I didn't want to like stretch myself back to the comfort zone. Thing, and so my wonderful husband. We've got a commitment to each other. We will always repeat back to each other what our goals and dreams are, especially moments where we're not acting in accordance. And so Tom said to me, Baby, I love you, and here's the hard truth. You've told me you really want to help women.

I was like, what I do?

I was like, what I do?

And he's like, okay, you've just told me that you want to do a podcasts because you want to help women.

And he's like, okay, you've just told me that you want to do a podcasts because you want to help women.

I was like, well I do. And he's like, but you don't want to go on set.

I was like, well I do. And he's like, but you don't want to go on set.

We already have a set bill, We've got six cameras because Tom already had his own show, And he's like, if you really want to help women, that you would do on camera. And I was like, oh, okay, well why am I not going on camera? And I was like it's because of my ego. M my ego wants to protect me. And I think is that we've villainized egos and I've actually repivoted how I see my ego. I see my ego as my best friend. She is there to tell me the truth. Hey, if you get on camera, you're gonna mess up.

We already have a set bill, We've got six cameras because Tom already had his own show, And he's like, if you really want to help women, that you would do on camera. And I was like, oh, okay, well why am I not going on camera? And I was like it's because of my ego. M my ego wants to protect me. And I think is that we've villainized egos and I've actually repivoted how I see my ego. I see my ego as my best friend. She is there to tell me the truth. Hey, if you get on camera, you're gonna mess up.

Yeah, if you get on camera, someone may say something about you.

Yeah, if you get on camera, someone may say something about you.

Yes, now here's the thing.

Yes, now here's the thing.

We think that is a bad thing, But the truth is, you get on camera, someone's.

We think that is a bad thing, But the truth is, you get on camera, someone's.

Gonna say something bad about you.

Gonna say something bad about you.

You get in front of the camera, you're probably gonna mess up if you've never been on camera before. So I realized she was actually instead of thinking of her as like this critic, she's actually my coach and she's here to help guide me. So a that was one way eliminated the negative voice. But then I was just very truthful in saying I actually don't have the confidence to get on camera, and that's why my ego is shouting at me, don't do it. Yes, but in that moment, how do you show up? And I asked myself, Okay, well, what's like. I want everyone right now to actually ask themselves when they've got a goal and they don't want to do it with compassion, ask yourself what's more important, your mission or your ego, Because in that moment, I didn't have the confidence to go on camera. My ego didn't want me to go on camera. But my mission statement is to help women. So you can see how I was utterly in conflict, and so I just had to be honest with myself. And the second I said my mission is more important than my ego, I realized I had to get in front of the camera. That's when I reimagined that my ego, instead of being the critic, was my coach. She was helping me get in front of the camera. And that's how I ended up, you know, really starting my show. But it was the fact that I didn't have the confidence. My ego desperately didn't want me to get on camera or you know, fill it whatever someone wants to do. And it's just like, we want to beat that out of ourselves. We want to stop feeling the ego. We want to pretend it doesn't exist, we want to villainize it. But what if it be your freaking superpower? Yeah, and that idea has changed my life.

You get in front of the camera, you're probably gonna mess up if you've never been on camera before. So I realized she was actually instead of thinking of her as like this critic, she's actually my coach and she's here to help guide me. So a that was one way eliminated the negative voice. But then I was just very truthful in saying I actually don't have the confidence to get on camera, and that's why my ego is shouting at me, don't do it. Yes, but in that moment, how do you show up? And I asked myself, Okay, well, what's like. I want everyone right now to actually ask themselves when they've got a goal and they don't want to do it with compassion, ask yourself what's more important, your mission or your ego, Because in that moment, I didn't have the confidence to go on camera. My ego didn't want me to go on camera. But my mission statement is to help women. So you can see how I was utterly in conflict, and so I just had to be honest with myself. And the second I said my mission is more important than my ego, I realized I had to get in front of the camera. That's when I reimagined that my ego, instead of being the critic, was my coach. She was helping me get in front of the camera. And that's how I ended up, you know, really starting my show. But it was the fact that I didn't have the confidence. My ego desperately didn't want me to get on camera or you know, fill it whatever someone wants to do. And it's just like, we want to beat that out of ourselves. We want to stop feeling the ego. We want to pretend it doesn't exist, we want to villainize it. But what if it be your freaking superpower? Yeah, and that idea has changed my life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And actually, if you think about it, sometimes most of the time when we think about insecurities, people see it as as almost humility, like, oh, that person doesn't want to do this and doesn't want to do that, and that must mean that they.