Josh went in for a routine pathology test and came out lightly shaved. Nobody warned him. The boys try to work out whether a phlebotomist should ask before taking a razor to your chest, whether this is a chance to nuke the whole thing, and whether chest hair actually grows back thicker.

Then somehow the conversation turns into a career pivot. Dion is convinced becoming a phlebotomist is a great get-rich-quick scheme. Josh points out that a salaried job is, by definition, not quick. 

Plus: why chest hair stops growing at a certain length, whether Josh's aversion to getting medical tests is stoicism or emotional avoidance, and a phlebotomless pit of a pun to close it out.

Thank you so much, Patreons! Love you and love your work.

Josh went in for a routine pathology test and came out lightly shaved. Nobody warned him. The boys try to work out whether a phlebotomist should ask before taking a razor to your chest, whether this is a chance to nuke the whole thing, and whether chest hair actually grows back thicker.
Then somehow the conversation turns into a career pivot. Dion is convinced becoming a phlebotomist is a great get-rich-quick scheme. Josh points out that a salaried job is, by definition, not quick.&nbsp;
Plus: why chest hair stops growing at a certain length, whether Josh's aversion to getting medical tests is stoicism or emotional avoidance, and a phlebotomless pit of a pun to close it out.
Thank you so much, Patreons! Love you and love your work.

Welcome to Patchwork is a Melbourne comedy podcast that thinks too hard about the monotony of life. Christian Pisasale, Dion Factor and Joshua Porter debate the obvious, challenge social conventions and improvise sketches, more concerned with the crumbs than the cookie. Have you ever wondered whether it's acceptable to bring food to someone's house and take it home if nobody ate it? Then you're in good company. Nominated for 'Best Comedy' at the Australian Podcast Awards in 2018 and 2019.

Welcome to Patchwork is a Melbourne comedy podcast that thinks too hard about the monotony of life. Christian Pisasale, Dion Factor and Joshua Porter debate the obvious, challenge social conventions and improvise sketches, more concerned with the crumbs than the cookie. Have you ever wondered whether it's acceptable to bring food to someone's house and take it home if nobody ate it? Then you're in good company. Nominated for 'Best Comedy' at the Australian Podcast Awards in 2018 and 2019.

Welcome To Patchreon

Welcome to Patchwork is a Melbourne comedy podcast that stares far too hard at everyday life, with Christian, Dion and Josh.

Welcome To Patchwork

 Should A Phlebotomist Warn You Before Shaving Your Chest?

Is a concert something you receive, or something you give? Dion has turned down tickets on the basis of the crowd alone, which raises the question of whether the people around you are part of the experience or an obstacle to it. Christian thinks a room singing together is the whole point. Josh thinks you paid for a service. Somewhere in there is a price at which a cultural obligation becomes negotiable.

Then the harder dilemma: you're on a dance floor, the sing-along has turned personal, people are making eye contact - and you know roughly thirty per cent of the words. Do you mouth along and hope? Do you go quiet and look supportive? Christian has a manoeuvre. Whether it's dignified is a separate matter. And would you ever leave a gig early, or is walking out an admission that you wasted your money?

Plus: Christian's past life on bass, a list that keeps growing, an audience-participation format that should never be made, and a warm welcome to the patrons, who were very quiet this week.

Is a concert something you receive, or something you give? Dion has turned down tickets on the basis of the crowd alone, which raises the question of whether the people around you are part of the experience or an obstacle to it. Christian thinks a room singing together is the whole point. Josh thinks you paid for a service. Somewhere in there is a price at which a cultural obligation becomes negotiable.Then the harder dilemma: you're on a dance floor, the sing-along has turned personal, people are making eye contact - and you know roughly thirty per cent of the words. Do you mouth along and hope? Do you go quiet and look supportive? Christian has a manoeuvre. Whether it's dignified is a separate matter. And would you ever leave a gig early, or is walking out an admission that you wasted your money?Plus: Christian's past life on bass, a list that keeps growing, an audience-participation format that should never be made, and a warm welcome to the patrons, who were very quiet this week.

What Do You Do When You Don't Know The Words?

How long can you refrain from opening a package delivered to your house? Josh managed several hours and a car trip, which Dion considers admirable restraint and Christian considers a moment that stopped being a moment about a decade ago. Is there any wonder left in a parcel arriving at your door, or have we ordered that feeling out of existence?

And what do you do with a person whose reaction to everything you say is the same small noise? Christian has been thinking about it. Where does sincerity actually live in a conversation — and is there a way to tell someone their work isn't good enough without borrowing authority from someone further up the chain? And can you see your partner's side of an argument while still thinking they're wrong?

How can you tell if a congratulations is genuine? And when you sing along at a party, are you enjoying the song or informing the room that you know it? Christian caught himself mid-performance and hasn't let it go since.

Plus: whether anyone can judge a haircut from the mirror at the back, the mystery of smart hairdryers, and Josh's system for remembering the names of people he's just met. It is written down allll in a note.

Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork

For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

How long can you refrain from opening a package delivered to your house? Josh managed several hours and a car trip, which Dion considers admirable restraint and Christian considers a moment that stopped being a moment about a decade ago. Is there any wonder left in a parcel arriving at your door, or have we ordered that feeling out of existence?
And what do you do with a person whose reaction to everything you say is the same small noise? Christian has been thinking about it. Where does sincerity actually live in a conversation &mdash; and is there a way to tell someone their work isn't good enough without borrowing authority from someone further up the chain? And can you see your partner's side of an argument while still thinking they're wrong?
How can you tell if a congratulations is genuine? And when you sing along at a party, are you enjoying the song or informing the room that you know it? Christian caught himself mid-performance and hasn't let it go since.
Plus: whether anyone can judge a haircut from the mirror at the back, the mystery of smart hairdryers, and Josh's system for remembering the names of people he's just met. It is written down allll in a note.
Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork
For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

Patch #164 - Do You Confidently Sing Along To Songs?

Would you pay a single lump sum for a lifetime of something, or has the subscription model quietly ruined our ability to value anything at all? Christian has a figure in mind. Dion thinks it's too high. Somewhere in there is a question about whether a lifetime membership is a promise or a Ponzi scheme.

Then: what happens when you hold a very new, very smooth human up next to your own face in a mirror? Christian has been doing this daily and has notes. Josh maintains he doesn't really look at other people's skin closely enough to judge - which raises the question of whether any of this matters to anyone but you. Also, at what point does a person become middle-aged, and who decided the Middle Ages get to stay in the middle forever while the rest of us keep moving?

Plus: can you still hit the same peaks of joy you hit at twenty-five, and what does it take to get there? Why do the traditions with the most people invested in them work the best? And is skincare an elaborate global myth, given that skin already performs its one essential function - keeping your organs on the inside - regardless of how it looks?

Would you pay a single lump sum for a lifetime of something, or has the subscription model quietly ruined our ability to value anything at all? Christian has a figure in mind. Dion thinks it's too high. Somewhere in there is a question about whether a lifetime membership is a promise or a Ponzi scheme.
Then: what happens when you hold a very new, very smooth human up next to your own face in a mirror? Christian has been doing this daily and has notes. Josh maintains he doesn't really look at other people's skin closely enough to judge - which raises the question of whether any of this matters to anyone but you. Also, at what point does a person become middle-aged, and who decided the Middle Ages get to stay in the middle forever while the rest of us keep moving?
Plus: can you still hit the same peaks of joy you hit at twenty-five, and what does it take to get there? Why do the traditions with the most people invested in them work the best? And is skincare an elaborate global myth, given that skin already performs its one essential function - keeping your organs on the inside - regardless of how it looks?

Should A Phlebotomist Warn You Before Shaving Your Chest?

Welcome To Patchwork

Social links

Follow podcast

Recent clips