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Welcome to the Therapy for a Black Girls podcasts, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Hard and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information, visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. And while I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me for session of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Today we'll be chatting about maintaining your mental health in less than favorable work conditions. Today I'm joined by father Arris Farah is a licensed clinical professional counselor in Philosophore, Illinois. She received her Bachelor of Arts degree in Economics pre law from the University of Illinois Champagne Urbana, a Bachelor of Arts and Marketing and Management from Illinois Institute of Art, and a Master of Arts in Mental Health Counseling from Trinity International University. Farah believes that mental health includes everything that makes up your well being, your psychological, mental, spiritual, and social well being. She specializes in connecting you to your story, helping you to own your voice, better management of your emotions, and forming healthier boundaries. It is in this way that you will become a well being. Fara and I chatted about dealing with microaggressions in the workplace, how improving your emotional intelligence and setting boundaries can help you to you with work stress, how employers can provide perks that actually help their employees, and her thoughts on the myth of work life balance. If you hear something great while you're listening, please be sure to share it on social media using the hashtag tb G in session. Here's our conversation. Well, thank you so much for joining us today, Fara, It's so wonderful to be here, very excited to talk with you. So you do a lot um about working will um and learning how to kind of manage your emotions and how we can be really smart in the workplace. And so I know that this is a hot topic. UM. There have been lots of conversations, and we're always having conversations, it seems like in the Thrive tribe about like microaggressions in the workplace. So do you have any tips on dealing with microaggressions in the workplace. Well, it's not just microaggressions in the workplace. It's seems to be everywhere, clearly clearly. Um, but I'm I'm always challenging not just my clients, I'm like in private practice, but anywhere is call it out if it really affects you. I mean, you know, I don't believe in like feeding into ignorance, especially if it's like a one uh off the cuff type of thing. However, it's important to establish clear boundaries on what's acceptable and what's not. So if you are uncomfortable with it, you know, I think the best thing to do is check that person, because people are trifling and if you don't say anything, people will think that it's okay and they'll be comfortable continuing to say things or do things that make you uncomfortable. Um. But if you're not okay with even addressing that person at work, whether it's a colleague or you know, a manager, UM, that's when you know you should try to find someone to mediate I e. Safe space is um ideally your HR representative, got it? Yeah? And I think, you know, a lot of the concern has come when people have tried to go to HR and still feel like, you know, their concerns are not addressed appropriately or or they're not addressed at all, you know. Sometimes Yeah, and it's it could be really frustrating, which you know leads me to always wonder like what is the culture within that work environment? So oftentimes, you know, especially if you're a person of color, UM or you know, a different culture, you're not sure what your voices in that space. UM. So when I'm doing one on ones with clients, I'm you know, really trying to help them create a safe space within themselves so you know, what is okay with you, what is not okay with you? Can you voice this? And you know, having them to have agency over themselves selves and for them to be their own self advocate. Now he creates contention or conflict. Ideally, ideally we would want HR to come in. UM. Beyond that, that's when it gets a little bit sketchy. So it's like, how do we implement some you know, emotional intelligence and how we respond to UM these microaggressions if they're continuing. So what do you mean by that about Uh, like this implementing emotional intelligence. Yes, emotional intelligence my favorite. Um, so pretty much you know, emotional intelligence or we can call it like your emotional quotient your EQ, like an i Q is just being able to understand. Um. It starts with self awareness, so understanding your emotions and how you deal with them, but being being able to recognize emotions and others. So it's it's kind of like being street smart, you know, being able to look at somebody and recognize like, oh, you know, their body language, their tone of voice, and helps you to be able to assess yourself on how you're going to respond. Okay, So can you give an example of like how you might be able to use that in the workplace? So yes, I mean I usually give an example because of a toddler needing a nap, but uh, you know, in a workplace environment it is so bill Um you know says a microL you know, does something that relates to a microaggression, and you have to kind of practice the pause when I say, there's like the three a's. So you become aware of your emotion. You're irritated, you're anxious, you're angry, you know, you identify the emotion, and so once you identify it, you know, so you're aware of it, then the next step is to assess it, Well, where did it come from? You know, because it is Bill's statement. Truly a microaggression. Is Bill's statement, Um, something that reminds you of another time where maybe when you were in high school somebody said something similar to that, like trying to get to what the root is of the trigger, and then you are then you know how to address it. So how do I respond without letting my emotional brain hijack the conversation? Um, ben being able to respond in a more um rational way, And that's kind of having high e ques, like not letting you know, not that the emotion you should be emotional less, but that you have more control over how you respond with your emotions. Okay, So I'm wondering, you know, because I think a lot of the conversation has just been more about like the cumulative impact of like continuing to go to a job every day where people are saying, you know, random things about your hair or um talking about election news or whatever is going on in the news, right, and so I think the culative impact on that is really what is wearing a lot of people down. Yeah it is. And so you know, I hear you saying like, Okay, how can you practice some of this emotional intelligence? But I think it also does relate to like how are you managing the stress? Because I think if you are at such a high level of stress, your ability to respond in a way that has I e q. Is diminished? Right, yes, Because usually you know, um, that's your your emotional brain or your survival brain kind of kicks in which your rational brain i e. Your prefrontal cortex, the boss of your brain, to kind of come in and help you to be rational, illogical, come up with common sense uh solutions, And so it is kind of like a chicken in the egg. But I say, you know, you don't have control over other people, but you do have control over yourself. So, um, if it's a cumulative situation, sometimes it brings up and highlights something that you may not have even been aware of yourself. So obviously we're in a very tense climate with the election and and this current administration and what we're hearing in current events. Um, and it may highlight how much you have probably been passive at work. Um. And you know, and I'm not saying this as like a dish to so want to go like, you know, you haven't been speaking up, But it's it's that moment of self awareness is like, how have I been using my voice in this space? And if I've not been using it, how do I again have agency advocacy for myself to be able to say, hey, you know I noticed that for a while. Now you comment on you know, my different hairstyles. You know, can you tell me what that's about? You know? And because sometimes people need to be checked because they're not self aware, because they may have low eq UM of what they're doing to other people. So that's why I think it's really important when it comes to creating culture within the workplace that it starts from the top down. So as an employee, you only have so much control um over your environment, but you can choose to figure out a way to respond in a healthy manner as long as possible, because sometimes you it may not be the environment for you to stay in um while you know, management HR kind of gets their stuff together. Yeah, And I do think that that's an important point, right, like that as an employee at a at a business, you know, like there is only so much that you can do, and you may not be the person in charge or in power to be able to make some decisions that really would impact the culture of the of the employment space. Mm hmmm, because sometimes I think we don't even realize the power we have. I do believe in a ripple effect, and I think that when we you know, my tagline is creating a healthier world by creating a healthier you. Like, the more you're able to understand who you are, why you do the things you do, why you respond the way that you respond, The more comfortable you are with being authentically yourself, then that creates a ripple effect of having other people feel like they can be comfortable, you know, they could be transparent and authentically themselves as well. You know. And I think we perceive, Uh it's is this perception that, um, we can't like, we can't true especially you know, to be a black woman or a black man, we can't truly be who we are, uh, in corporate spaces. And I challenge that, uh with all of my you know, not all my clients are corporate, but many of them are, you know, your attorneys or their bankers or accountants or whatever. And I always challenge. I was like, how are you how are you being comfortable using your voice at work? Now, I'm not saying go straight country back home with their family, Like there's there's a way that we may communicate with our family that we don't necessarily communicate with other people. But I do think that we have this perceived notion that, um, we cannot use our voice, and that makes me like, that makes me sad, honestly. Yeah, So what what are some of those small ruples that you think that we can make to kind of maybe be able to impact the culture of a workplace. What are some of the small things you can do to maybe, um, make sure that people are able to kind of be authentically themselves in the workplace. Yeah, I mean that's a good question. I think. You know. One is is there somebody else there that is that you recognize is safe that you can be honest with, that you can talk to, not to gossip, because again that's like low eq you know, gossip being we're talking about somebody and being passive or passive aggressive. But finding someone where um you can kind of bring up some things ideally would be great. You know, if this is um not just her colleague but you know a manager where you can go, hey, you know, I'm seeing this, I'm seeing that, and then kind of share your voice a little bit and being able to kind of test the waters. Vulnerability is hard, um, but it's freeing. But I would never encourage someone to just like jump off the deep end without being able to know that there is a safety net. So to be able to ideally find a safe person that UM you can communicate with, so that you know, going to work is not as stressful and you don't feel that you can truly show up because everyone quote unquote UM is viewed as as the enemy. M h. I think this also comes up sometimes around UM and I have you know, read a lot about like the different cultures of organizations in terms of the expectations to do things like pot lux and happy hours and you know, all of that kind of thing that sometimes feels a little foreign, I think, right. I think a lot of people view work as this is where I go to do my job and then at five o'clock this my time. Right, But for a lot of organizations, the expectation is that you will spend some time doing these like extracurricular kinds of things. Yeah, but what's the point of those extracurricular types of things. So I mean, is this to create cohesion? Is this to create a more friendly work atmosphere? You know, I'm I'm always you know asking organizations like what is the purpose of what? You know, what's the intention behind the stuff that you do? So you know, in terms of like, um, wellness perks, you know, adding a gym or a juice bar, you know, or like you're saying happy hour, like they're thinking, oh, you know, um, this will help with minimizing stress. This will help, you know, get people to get together. But it really doesn't address the individual It doesn't really address the humanistic side of things where you know, I joke, like a new mom or a new dad care less that there's a gym. They want to know that their boss will understand that they're sweep deprived and may need some flex you know, some flex time and work from home. So you know, organizations really need to figure out, like what is the culture that they really want to how so that they can know that in their diverse group of people, um, that they're meeting the bulk of the need, you know, because you're not going to be able to get like everybody to be happy, but there should be some empathy, some active listening, some understanding, some um real hard val saluation of why things are the way they are. You know. So I remember talking to one organization and I'm like, what what kind of assessments do you do to determine, you know, what the need is in you know, getting a speaker or to you know, pay for vendor resources. And you know, there survey, I'll say it in quotes, was lacking because you know, it just showed like the majority thought everything was okay, but it wasn't broken down by gender, race, or sexual orientation. So it's like if the majority are white males and everything is copasetic with them, then HR thinks we don't have to do anything. You know. It's like, okay, well, you know maybe John was able to um be promoted within two years, but Germaine it took him five years. But when you look at their performance reviews, they're the same. What's up with that? You know? So really being able to like go deep into the trenches of those cultures, UH to go, how do we truly have a working well uh culture within this work space that addresses you know, these needs of all of the people that we claim quote unquote to be our employees, good employees that we want to keep. Yeah, and I think it it kind of goes beyond the survey, right because if if it's a survey that's going to be able to identify who I am, and I'm like the only black women and the woman in the organization, I may not feel comfortable sharing, um, what you know, my true thoughts on a survey, but I do think that that speaks to the greater organizational culture, like what is the tone that's been said that I don't feel comfortable sharing my opinion? Right, So I think it has to start before the survey, yes, and who you know? And then also to be clear year two those who are working the intention, Because if you're saying my intention is this, and it sounds like it's for the wellness of everyone, then that kind of softens the blow a little bit, like Oh, and then making sure that whoever you're coming in or bringing in to do these assessments, you know, say you're going to do an outside person versus you know, internal HR, then that may also create some safety there. And then if you're having a diverse group of people, because I always thought it was interesting to have like diversity and inclusion being led by a white male or a white female and it's like, okay, and I'm not saying that they can't, you know, but it's like, if I am the black woman in the group, or if I am the Asian male in the group, do I feel safe actually talking about the microaggressions that I experienced every day from Chad in this diversity inclusion workshop, you know? And so what making sure again from the top down to be really smart and strategic and intentional, um, from the front end to the back end on trying to create that place of wellness and addressing you know, specifically we're talking about micro aggressions, you know, So the diversity factor. M h. So you mentioned this a little earlier there, that fina um the whole idea of high emotional intelligence and that things like gossiping are not signs of high emotional intelligence. What kind of things would you be encouraging, Like, what are some other signs of high emotional intelligence versus low emotional intelligence? Yeah, great questions. So high emotional intelligence again brings up a lot of uh self awareness. So you know, if you're self aware, then you kind of know more of who you are and why you do what you do. Um, and then you have control over it. So you know, we talked about you know a little bit of neuroscience, neuroscience about the brain. You know, so we got our emotional part of the brain olympic system, and then we have like our rational side part of the brand, which is in the front um. And so when you have high e Q, you're more assertive, uh, you're more empathic or empathetic, and then you know, you're more compassionate. And so it's it's one of those things where, um, you create a space where people actually feel comfortable talking to you because you're straightforward. UM. But you know, obviously with some tact and you know you're you know, you're ambitious, you're decisive, UM, your have you have a charming personality, you're consistent. Uh and I think I didn't mention earlier. Being you know, active listening or being a good listener is another great skill. And so it's great when leaders and managers can have high EQ because there's kind of again that ripple effective. You can be a person who can be straightforward, be the side, be empathetic, um, being patient, you know, good listener, Your your people who want to work with you and work for you have no problem having dialogue with you because they think they feel heard, they feel seen, um. And then hopefully you in turn can train them to have that same kind of high EQ. Because when you have a low EQUE, that's where we get the aggressive boss um, the poor listener, the person who's passive aggressive um you know, uh, very impulsive, easily distracted, demanding, professionistic uh. And you know, no one really wants to be around someone who kind of carries these traits. I'm glad you mentioned that because as you were talking, I was thinking, like, oh, it sounds like it really is most important for the people in leadership to have high EQ, right like, and then of course there is a trickle down, but it sounds like it does start at the top that if you know, managers are able to kind of exhibit this high emotional intelligence, then other people can kind of go behind their lead because when you you know, if you work in an environment and um that's toxic, you know you look around and go, you know, why is it that you know, Janet is always gossiping and you know we can't get work done? Or why is it that you know, my coworker UM is just so passive aggressive. And then you look at management and you recognize that management kind of tries to turn a blind eye, you know, to this behavior that's not being addressed. And so usually what's happening at the bottom is just a sign of what's going on in the man managerial part of the organization. So how do you teach this well, UM, so you know, seminars are coming in you know, uh by connecting with each are either the diversity and Inclusion department of an organization or through h R. And you know a lot of companies have these quote unquote you know lunch and learns or um you know box lunches or you know, an after work event where you may be be able to get some continuing education credits. And so I will do sessions on what emotional challenges, is effective communication, boundary development, and then depending on the organizational needs, then you know we can go deeper because I, like I said, I love talking about EQ and you know I can give a basic one oh one which gives people the time to kind of pause and reflect because again, though we are at work the bulk of the week, the bulk of our day and the bulk of our lives. We don't live lives outside. So I really want to be able to give people this knowledge. And it's a skill set that we all can have. So we may not be able to raise our i Q, but we can all always raise our EQ. And what I would want people to be able to have is this how moment after you know presentation or you know a workshop and go, oh wait, I can use this with my spouse. I didn't realize how much I can use this with my with my kids or with my friend because I really want to touch Again, I'm a therapist, so really I want to touch the whole person and be able to help them be better in managing their emotions everywhere again creating that place of safety within yourself and go like, I'm I'm going to be consistent, you know. So I know, like I did a talk two weeks ago on emotional intelligence, and I think the first person that came to me was like, can I talk to you about my ten year old son? Okay, um, you guys are a construction organization, but we'll talk about your son. Like, so, you know, I really wanted, you know, I kind of do a little backdoor approach like, yes, we're gonna talk about work, but really we're going to talk about you. I'm trying to talk about like how did you learn about emotions? You know, where did that come from? You know, did your family talk about emotions? Did they hide from emotions that they overly express them? Because that's probably what you're bringing to to your workplace, right, Like what's the old saying, wherever you go there you are much You're always bringing yourself exactly. So something else that has come up in conversation, UM is this move that lots of organizations are going toward with this whole like open floor playing right where people don't even have high cubicles anymore. It's just like everybody's sitting at these long tables and that kind of thing. Um. And it does like you're taking down the walls, right, And I think a lot of um, you know, what's involved with EQ and just kind of managing your emotions in general is like being able to collect yourselves sometimes or having a space to go to kind of with draw and take a moment and recoup. And now we don't even have any of that anymore in a lot of work spaces. So what are your suggestions for them, like people who are working in these you know, open floor playing offices that don't even have personal space anymore. Yeah, you know, I I get the I get the again, the attention. Uh you know, what's the saying? You know, the road to Hell was Letten. Yeah, it makes sense. But however, I don't think that they've truly And this is why I really like bringing a humanistic point of view when I talked to corporations, because again, it's always about bottom line, which is great, the numbers, but again you're still your numbers don't get met met unless you have people do it. So it's like, let's deal with the people. So for extroverts, initially it's like the best thing ever. You know, xtrots love being around people, to get energized by being around people, So having an opportunity to look at you across the table um like feeds into them. However, it becomes a distraction. So then when you got the introverts, it's not the introverts areth um anti social. It's more so that they need that quiet time to regroup. They like more one on ones because they don't like superficial conversation. So to have the open space. That actually probably creates more anxiety for a person who's introverted because they're always thinking like, my space is being invaded, so if you cannot avoid um, you know, the new construction of your work convincement for introverts, I really encourage them to have headphones because one, it does help to quiet the noise to it's like a physical boundary, uh, you know. And again hopefully you have other coworkers who have some decent EQ and can recognize that if you have headphones on, probably shouldn't try to talk to you um. And then you know, maybe still even with management, trying to create a quiet space like a room um or a library where you know, people can be able to focus or talk about sensitive information because you know, not everybody wants to talk about negotiating their salary right there in the open. So still being able to create some you know, quiet spaces and private spaces while managing you know, the more open floor plan, which again makes sense because the pubicles do cause people to be more passive, so they'll send an email when you literally like right around the corner like hey, this really causes you to have more face to face dialogue, which is good, but being able to again, um, create that culture of like, how do we still respect each other's space and each other's time. So for the introverts, I'm like, just throw on some headphones even if there's nothing playing, you know, gives that illusion that, oh, you know, fire is working and she's focused and I can't talk to her right now. But I mean again, it's everything has they the good and the bad. You know, the cubicles aren't always so great and open spaces aren't so great. But if maybe we can create a balance of the two where you know, there's at least a couple of spaces that people know they can go to for quiet personal conversation, a place to regroup, um, would be helpful. So that does kind of leave me to my next question in terms of like, and you mentioned this earlier, when workplaces, we'll try to do these wellness perks like a juice bar or Grandola barish everybody, or you know, let's all go to David Busters or whatever kinds of things. Right, well, what kinds of things should corporations and organizations really be looking at in terms of creating healthy workspaces? Flexibility is huge, um, you know, and there's more and more research. I think there was an article that I saw maybe a couple of weeks ago about people over their age of forty should only really be working like three or four days or week, and I was like, yes, completely perfect, um, you know, but having that flexibility without penalty, because I think we're trying to catch up with with with the times, you know, so we you know, my parents were baby boomers on gen X, and so there was that whole belief that you know, you work a full nine hour day, you know, you get your lunch, you stay with the company forever, you hopefully get a pension, and then you retire and you die. That's the model. But that's not what people are looking for. That's not what a lot of millennials are looking for. And you know, so having that value add of like, okay, do you do you trust me enough to get the work done that I can do some work from home? Do you trust me that I don't have to be here from seven thirty to five thirty every day because I show up with results? Um? Being able To be clear, I think one of the biggest things that I get from client who are frustrated UM is that there's not a clear career path. So being able to have clear expectations on what you're expecting from the employees, but then knowing that you're investing in their future. Also, you know, brings this sense of wellness because they know what they're looking for. Another part of having you know, good eques being self motivated. UM. So it's like, oh wow, I know I can do this because this is being offered and also my boss is valuing uh and investing in my future. So being able to do that because management really sets the tone, you know, and being able to give constructive feedback like don't wait till you know your best person is getting ready to leave to tell them how much you know they're meant. You know they're they're meant to the group or to the team. You know, give constructive feedback continuously. Uh. That helps the client the employee UM feel seen and feels heard and understood, and like again, it feels valued within the workplace. Right, so you can keep the juice bar, but give me a schedule because right because you want them to be able to know like, well, you know they take care of the external because that's a lot of external stuff, you know, So I want the juice bar, I want the free gym pass, you know, I want UM. I have a friend of mine they really really amped up their wellness program at her company and she's like, oh, yeah, I just finished doing UM. I don't know if she was making a viz it was she was. I was like, what are they doing. She's like, yeah, we're doing knitting and like all these really cool things. But I said, how important is that to you versus the fact that you've come back from maternity leave and you've talked to your manager who's like, I see leadership skills in you. I want to send you to Arizona for some leadership training and let me know when you need to take time off to like pick up the kids. And so that balance is what makes or want to push harder as an employee because it's like, Okay, within the workspace, you've given me, you know, nice self care things that I can do, But if I leave the workspace, I still know that you are like investing in me, you know, whether you'll do the flex time or UM job growth. Yeah, So what are some of your favorite resources for people who want to learn more about like emotional intelligence or UM, you know, like how they can create healthier workspaces. So I I was thinking about this because there are two resources that I usually give UM my clients, whether they're you know, in corporate spaces or not. And it I'm always saying like, let's start with the self awareness UM, but then also let's take care of the goals. And so work life balance is myth. It's more work life alignment, you know, so how are we creating a life that we want on? UM. So a great book that I think everyone should have, you know, in their library is The Twelve Week Year by Brian p I'm gonna say his last name is Moran UM and Michael Lennington UM because they do a lot of mindset work and you know, having you really stop and to evaluate, you know, what it is that you're trying to do and what you're trying to accomplish without uh freaking out and you know, distant yourself because you didn't get something done. It makes you It's one of those like active smart goals that's very practical. Uh. And another resource that I think everyone should have too is Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I would say it's like Boundaries one oh one because they do have a series, but this book begins to highlight that self awareness because sometimes we're thinking we have healthy boundaries, but a reality are our boundaries may be too flexible or too loose or too rigid and um, but it also lights boundary violators. So again talking about the top of our conversation about microaggressions, those are boundaries being crossed, you know, certially when someone touches our hairs like you're you know, you're crossing a physical boundary. So being able to recognize them within yourself and recognize them and others. And there's practical examples of whether it's a boundary at home, boundaries with your spouse. UM, I think it's like boundaries with family, boundaries at work. They kind of have the different chapters, and like I said, it's a series, so if you want specifically boundaries at work, there's a you know, they also author that book, but a great starting point is just the book title Boundaries by Cloud in Townsend that give you the like first open door into understanding boundaries and self awareness. And then I think everyone should have a self care journal or a planner. Um, you can pick up one anywhere. However, I would say that I've created a twenty one day self care planner that's available, um, you know on my you know, different social media handles, and it's there to create again that work life alignment. So it does address self care at work and then self care outside of work. Oh yeah, I'm sorry. And then which is free app? Calm c A L yeah, c A l M And it's free. Um. But a lot of my clients who are in corporate spaces who struggle with anxiety love that app and choose to actually pay for the full subscription. But I always say, start with the free and see where you want to go with it. Right. So I do want to talk a little bit more about the whole work life alignment because I do think for years we have been fed this lie about work life balance when clearly there is no balance, right, there's always something competing for our attention. Um. So so talk more about what you consider work life alignment and how people can kind of do better with that. I think again, yeah, I agree with you to the lie that we've been taught um. And I think for women it's even been harder because working women in particular who feel that they have to be everything and do everything, uh, and then they end up being burnt out and frustrated and unhappy. So then you become an unhappy wife and unhappy mother if you have kids, and um, you know may be satisfied at work, but not content in how work plays into your life. So when I talk about work life alignment, it is how do you uh create that value of work to the life that you want to live. So I'm I'm I could use myself as an example. So I'm a mom entrepreneur, so I have kids and I'm a a wife, and um, I need to know, well, how many days of work am I comfortable doing so that I could be home with my kids? How much money do I need to make to you know, feel comfortable? Um, because I can't sit there because I have worked in corporate environments before I became a therapist. Is that I can't say I want to have a thriving marriage or be able to be at all my kids events. But I'm working, you know, eighty hour week just asn't line up, you know, So it is a a give and take. It is being able to say, how do my values create my my boundaries? So going back to boundaries, so if I know that my values are uh stable, family, household, healthy, thriving marriage. Um, you know children who are content and I'm present, then I need to figure out how everything else plays into that value. So how does work my time at work the tot type of work I do? You know it is worked just here to be um a a investor in What I want to do is work here to be able to just pay the bills and you know, I'll find uh something else uh that will be able to feed my passion of you know, art, I don't know. But taking that time to go how do I want my life to look? Because you're going to recognize where your boundaries are being crossed in those areas where you're irritable because you're tired and you're stressed. Um and usually that's a sign that a boundary has been crossed. M hmm. Okay, okay. And does your the journal that you've developed, does it help you to kind of get clear about that? It does in a sense that I mean it's again twenty one day, so there will be more to come. Um. But like this is kind of a commencement into I say that soft care is not this investment of going to the spa or getting a many petty or going on vacation. It's an investment into yourself intentionally every single day, and it's so that you're going to be able to create a life you don't want to run away from because I hear a lot of people talk about, oh man, fire, I'm just tired. I just need a vocation, I just need to get away, And it's like, okay, well now you got to you got to the point where you're stressed and you burnt out. So what have you not been doing every single day to make you okay? Are you not sleeping enough hours? Are you adding too much to your plate? Are you over committing? Are you not delegating enough? Like it's so the every day kind of challenges you to do one simple thing two um I would say, elevate your wellness. So it starts off on creating a nighttime routine and then the next day is a morning routine because people don't really take the time to be intentional with that and how much it's important to your brain health, health and your physical health to have proper rest. And then it goes into like the you know, the deeper stuff of you know, are you comparing yourself to people at work or anyone in your life and what is that about? You know, are you shooting yourself? You know? And I think the expectations which justice the cousin of dissatisfaction and disappointment. So you know, so it has those like self reflective questions, um on certain days and other days have like some actional you know, action steps on you know, making sure you're maximizing your commute and just being intentional. I really want people to be more intentional with their lives instead of kind of letting their lives just run them. Yeah. I've checked out the journal, all right, and I think it's a great introduction, like you said, into like, okay, these are the ways that I could be making some small changes, not even like life you know, life changing, but very small decisions. Right. It doesn't have to be like this big, grand scale kind of thing if you're trying to create a life by design and it's not going to happen overnight, but like these little implemental and and the thing that I like about the journal is that you literally could just print it off again, right and do it for another one days, right and um and ideally I would love it to grow to be you no working well daily, you know, for new moms or whatever. So it's specific to where you are in life. But right now, it's just this general look at how am I actually making time for myself? Like how am I caring for myself? Because we do really try to run away from our lives instead of actually going Wait, I'm the narrator. I can edit, I can copy, I can paste, I can do whatever I need to do to create a life that I don't want to run away from. So where can we find you online? What is your website as well as any social media handles you'd like to share? Sure? Um, well, my website is Fara Harris LCPC dot com and Fara is f A R A H Harris h A R R I S and then LCPC dot com and then and all my social media handles on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook is at Fara Harris l C PC and then I'm also the own creator of the group working well. Uh and it's a Facebook group. It's closed, so you know, you just asked to be you know, invited in. But that's where you know you'll get additional tips. That's where people are open to asking questions about what's going on at their work, you know, if they're planning on transitioning from one career to another. It's really a safe place for UH people who are looking to understand work life alignment and get support from other professionals, other mothers of their dads, um and and and feel not judged, you know, if they're having an issue at work and they want to you know, kind of get some feedback on how to to to manage it. So I usually try not to answer any questions that people post because I kind of like to let the village chime in and then I'll bring my you know, therapeutic UM expertise a little bit later. And so it's been exciting um having this group grow. It's it's been since I think January is when you know, I started the group. So if you're interested in working well, there's a Facebook group grading for you to to come join us perfect and all of that information will be included in the show builds for anybody who can't write it down right now, so don't worry about missing any of the information. Well, thank you so much for joining us today. I loved it. I love your program, I love what you're doing, and I think you're just such a wealth of um resources that especially black women need right now. Thank you, thank you. I'm so grateful that far I was able to share her expertise with the US today. Be sure to check out the show notes to get more information about her practice and her self care planner. You can find them at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash session. If you're looking for a therapist in your area, be sure to visit the directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And if you want to continue this conversation and join a community of other sisters who listen to the podcast, come on over and join us in the Thrive Tribe at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash tribe. Be sure to answer the three questions that are asked to gain entry. Thank you all so much for joining me again this week, and I look forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon. Take care. 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