Session 119: When You're Ghosted

Published Aug 14, 2019, 7:00 AM

The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.

In today's episode we're digging into what motivates people to ghost and how to take care of yourself if you've been ghosted. 

 

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

M K. Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find a therapist in your area, visit our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me for session one nineteen of the Therapy for Black Girl's podcast, and a huge shout out to y'all for listening and sharing because we just hit five million downloads of the podcast. Y'all are amazing and I appreciate you and your support infinitely. So picture this. You met someone six months ago while out with some friends. You exchange numbers, really hit it off, You see each other several times a week, you text NonStop, and you genuinely enjoy each other's company, and then all of a sudden, you just don't hear from them for a week. You reach out by phone, email, text, You do a drive by to see if their cars in the driveway, and maybe even try to get ahold of their best friend to see if everything's okay. It's very likely they're fine, but it sounds like you, my friend have been ghosted. In our common lexicon, ghosting occurs when you've been spending a significant amount of time with someone and by all accounts, everything is going great, and then all of a sudden, you don't hear from them anymore, and they don't return any of your attempts to contact. It's just as cruel as it sounds, and sadly, I'm hearing that it's happening quite a bit these days. So I wanted to spend some time digging into what might drive someone to ghost and how you can take care of yourself if you've been ghosted. So most often, I think the reason that people disappear without any kind of explanation is that they are not comfortable having a direct conversation. For whatever reason, they may have changed their mind about how they feel, or may be confused about how they feel, and instead of actually acknowledging their feelings, they just disappear. I think many people have difficulty engaging in conversations where they know someone's feelings will be hurt or that someone will be disappointed, So instead of subjecting themselves to a situation where they may be uncomfortable, they just disappear. I mean, how many times have you heard someone say, I just don't want to hurt our feelings. And while of course it stings to learn that a relationship that you thought was promising may not be so promising, it hurts a whole lot worse for someone to just disappear from your life. So how can you take care of yourself if you've been ghosted? So first, I think it's important to acknowledge that the pain in the situation like this is very, very real. Sometimes I think others can attempt to minimize the pain of our relationship ending, especially if it wasn't one that lasted a particularly long time or it didn't seem really serious from the outside. But research has actually found that the social rejection that we feel after something like being ghosted activates the very same parts of our brain that are activated when we experience physical pain. So the first step is acknowledging for yourself that this pain that you're experiencing is very you. Next, I think it's important to be kind and gentle with yourself and try your hardest not to beat yourself up. Being ghosted brings up lots of questions like why didn't I see this coming? And how did I fall for this? And it's important to remember that at any given time, we're all just making the best decisions we can based on the information we have. It's very likely that there's nothing you could have done differently that would have resulted in a different outcome. Third, try not to pick yourself apart looking for answers to questions that they've left you with. I think the cruelest thing about being ghosted is the ridiculous amounts of questions and anxiety it can create in your life. In the absence of something definitive, it's only natural for us to create our own stories about what happened and why something happened. So when you been ghosted, it's very easy to fall into thinking that you weren't enough somehow, or that you didn't do enough to prevent this from happening, and that is just absolutely not the truth. Someone else's poor decision making is not at all a reflection of you it says much more about them than it does about you. And finally, make sure that you get some support to sit with you and your feelings and to help you process the situation. Like I mentioned earlier, it's not uncommon for an experience like being ghosted to result in increased anxiety, a depressed mood, and possibly impairments to functioning in other areas of your life. Talking with a therapist or process this experience and receive some support maybe a really good idea, especially if you're feeling like your friends and family are getting tired of hearing you discuss it. You deserve the space you need to heal from this. So I know that me of you have had the unfortunate experience of being ghosted, and I'd love for you to share with us what kinds of things have helped you to take care of yourself in the weak of this experience. Make sure to share your thoughts with us on social media using the hashtag tv G and session so that others that may need some suggestions can hopefully find them. And if you have a girlfriend that you know is struggling with being ghosted, please share this episode with her. If you're searching for a therapist in your area. Be sure to check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And if you want to continue digging into this topic and meet some other sisters in your area, come on over and join us in the Yellow Couch Collective where we take a deeper dive into the topics from the podcast and just about everything else. You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y c C. And don't forget to check out our online store where you can grab a copy of our guided affirmation track, break up Journal, or your favorite Therapy for Black Girls T shirt or mug. Go ahead and grab your goodies at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash shop. Thank y'all so much for joining me again this week. I look forward to continue in this conversation with you all real soon. Take it care

Therapy for Black Girls

The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a license 
Social links
Follow podcast
Recent clips
Browse 473 clip(s)