The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
If you're in a friendship long enough, undoubtedly there will be shifts. In this week's episode I'm sharing some tips on how to manage some of the more typical transitions that shift friendships.
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The Cause Box shifts for free and is in beautiful package, making it a very nice surprise for the special people in your life or for yourself, and of course I have an exclusive discount just for y'all. Go to cause box dot com slash Therapy for Black Girls and use the code Therapy for Black Girls to get your first box for thirty percent off. That's your first box worth over two hundred and fifty dollars for less than thirty nine dollars. Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find a therapist in your area, visit our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me for session one of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Today, I want to spend some time chatting about what to do when we find ourselves in friendships that are changing. When we're young and life is less complicated, friendships are maintained by things like play dates, sitting together at lunch and late night gave sessions until someone falls asleep. As we get older and there are more demands on our time and energy. Friendships become a little more difficult to maintain. We move, get partnered, become parents, life continues to happen. I think that the thing that's most important to remember about the life cycle of our friendship is that it's normal for things to shift as we change, so do the relationships were a part of. But often when we sense things changing, instead of it alerting us that we need to shift with it, it results in us feeling like something is irreparably damaged and should be discarded. You heard Dr Orio Wow and I discussed the importance of having difficult conversations on session one of the podcast a couple of weeks ago, and that's often the first step that needs to happen when we notice a change in our friendships. Many times the changes in our friendships are ones we can first see things like moving, becoming a parent, etcetera. I'll give you a little bit of headway so you know they're coming and you know that things are likely going to change. If this is the case, it's a good idea to acknowledge that things will be different and to allow space for both of you to grieve. I'd encourage you to have an honest conversation about your worries. As you're both moving into this new phase of life, how about some time to just actually talk through your fears. There doesn't have to be a plan for alleviating them just yet. It's okay to just acknowledge that they exist. At some point after the conversation has happened, consider making a plan for how you'll be intentional about creating new experiences for your friendship now that time, distance, and other things will be different. What kinds of things can you do to make an effort to stay connected. Just like we schedule date nights for romantic relationships, date nights for friendships are also really important. Consider building in your friend time around certain activities you know you're likely to participate in. So maybe you do something like scheduling a thirty minute chat on Thursday nights after you watch How to Get Away with Murder, Or maybe you have a group me where you're popping in regularly about everyday mundane kinds of things. The gestures that you make to stay connected don't have to be grand to be effective, but it's helpful if they're consistent. And finally, I want you to get comfortable with asking specifically what you can do to support your friend in this new phase of life and be open to how this might change. If they're moving for grad school, can you help them virtually search for places to live. If they're becoming a parent, perhaps you can help by organizing a baby shower. Sometimes it's easier to show up for others if we know exactly how we can be helpful in the moment, So be sure to ask now. Please don't hear me say that the brunt of maintaining their friendship is on the person not experiencing a life change. That's not what I'm saying at all. It's absolutely also important for the friend experiencing the life change to be sure that they are checking in and making efforts to connect as well. When we don't take these steps, or at least make an effort, we can see a real breakdown in the friendship in ways that might have been able to be avoided. It's also important to note, however, that even with the best of intentions, sometimes friendships just in. There doesn't have to be anyone at fault. There may not have been a big blow up. Sometimes they just in and that's definitely a topic will be exploring in another episode of the podcast soon how to navigate when a friendship ends, But before we get there in a couple of weeks, I want to hear how y'all are riding the waves and your friendships. How have you navigated changes that have happened in those relationships? Be sure to share with us on social media using the hashtag TBG in session. Remember that if you're looking for virtual therapist in your state, check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And if you want to continue digging into this topic and meet some other sisters in your area, come on over and join us in the Yellow College Collective, where we take a deeper dive into the topics from the podcast and just about everything else. You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y c C. And in honor of May being Mental Health Awareness Month, we are going to be offering virtual holding spaces every Thursday night in May at seven pm Eastern for us to check in with one another, see how people are doing, and to share and offer support to our other sisters as we're continuing to deal with this difficult time being in a pandemic so if you'd like to register to join us for those holding spaces on Thursday evenings every Thursday in May, you can't go to therapy for Black Girls dot com slash g t T thank you all so much for joining me again this week. I look forward to continue in this conversation with you all real soon. Take it care,