Session 50: This Isn't What I Imagined

Published Mar 28, 2018, 7:00 AM
Recently I've observed several conversations related to sisters not feeling like they're where they want to be in their lives. So in today's episode I'm offering 3 questions for anyone who thought their life would look much differently than it currently does.

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Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, where we discussed all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information and resources, visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. And while I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me for session fifty of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Wow, we've already made it to fifty episodes and we're quickly approaching the one year anniversary of the show. Today, I wanted to spend some time talking about an issue that has seemed to come up a lot in conversations in the Tribe. And if you don't know, the Tribe is our Facebook community for the podcast, where we continue to have the conversations we start here on the podcast and talk about all kinds of other stuff. You should definitely come and join us. If you're interested, you can request to joint at Therapy for Black Girls dot Com slash Tribe and make sure to answer the three questions that asks when you request to join. But there have been a lot of conversations over there about women not feeling like they are aware they thought they would be in their life, our feeling as though it's too late to pursue dreams they may have once had. If this sounds like you are something you struggle with, there are three questions I'd like you to ask yourself. Question no one whose story is this anyway? If you have a story that you're desperately holding onto, I want you to ask you self, is this really my story? Or is this a story I've convinced myself of because of society and others in my life. The most common thing that comes up when I hear people say they're not where they thought they would be is the idea of being partnered or married, having a baby, and an awesome career all by the age of Do you know how many of us were an absolute mess at age? When I think back to my younger self, I wanted to have all of this by the age of twenty three, I guess I wasn't overachiever with my fantasies. But when I look back on my early to mid and even late twenties, I was not at all in a place where any of those things would have been healthy, satisfying, are fulfilling to me. And it makes me wonder where did I even get the idea that that's what my life should have looked like then? And I ask you that same quite shton, where did this story come from? Did you read a feature on the gorgeous twenty two year old who built an app that has made her a millionaire, or maybe you ran across the most beautiful engagement pictures of a sister on Instagram, Or maybe even though you're finishing up your master's degree and on your way to an amazing job, the only thing grandma keeps asking about is when are you going to have some babies. There's nothing wrong with wanting any of this. It's totally okay if you do, but please be cautious about thinking you're any less worthy, beautiful, or relevant, because these things have not happened for you yet, And please, please please sit with yourself to discover whether these are actually things you want. Question number two, have you grieved this loss? As Dr Robinson remind to us in session thirty one about managing grief. We don't just have grief reactions to the loss of loved ones to death. We also experience grief reactions to the loss of a dream or a story we once held. So, if you have been holding onto this idea of who you would be at and you're now thirty and your life looks nothing like you thought it would, there's probably something that you're grieving. What is it? Have you processed and made peace with the idea that this dream you held onto for so long did not come to fruition. What would it look like for you to do this? It might look like allowing yourself to cry about it and journal through any disappointment. It might look like for giving yourself for any perceived or actual missteps. It might look like finding a therapist to talk through the hurt and anger you feel about the fact that this dream you wanted has come true for many others, So why not you. There's likely a lot to talk through if you've had to grieve the loss of this story, and meeting with the therapist to help you unpack it might be a really good idea. Question number three, is there a part of the story you want to slash can salvage. So you thought you'd be at a certain place right now, but that hasn't happened. If you've sat with yourself and figured out that this is actually your story and you'd like to pursue seeing it through, what happens next. Are there things that you've neglected that you can now put some energy towards. If meeting people is a goal, are you actually getting out of your house and engaging in activities that allow you to meet new people? If career advancement is a goal, have you identified a mentor have you figured out what new skills you should develop to advance? If whatever you've been dreaming about is important to you, then I want you to check in with yourself and see if there are things you've been doing or believing, either consciously or subconsciously, that have been getting in the way of you achieving it, And if so, what part will you take responsibility for and how can you be more active in the process. Fulfilling dreams is not a passive process, so it will definitely take some work on your part. I'd love to hear from other people who maybe have struggled with a similar concern about how you've managed this. Share your thoughts with us on social media by using the hashtag t b G in Session or by mentioning our social media accounts. You can find us on Twitter at Therapy for the Number four be Girls, and you can find us on Instagram and Facebook at Therapy for Black Girls. Before we wrap up today, I'd like to again extend a huge thank you to the students, staff, and faculty at the University of Miami for having me as a keynote speaker for their Whitely Women's Leaderships and Posium this past weekend. I had an amazing time spending the day with you all. If you have a program coming up on your campus and would like to have me participate, please feel free to send me an email with details to info at Therapy for Black Girls dot com and let's see if we can make it happen. If you're looking for a therapist to work with in your area, check out the therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. I also realized that I never announced here on the podcast that every Thursday at twelve noon Eastern Standard time, I'm live on both Facebook and Instagram for a chat. I call three for Thursday. During these chats, I share three pieces of information with you that I think will help you to get your life together, and there's also time for you to ask any questions you have about general mental health topics. Last week, we discussed three tips for dealing with difficult family members. So if you missed it and still want to check it out, head on over to the Facebook page and you can find it there. And please make sure to join me this Thursday if you can, And again, if you want to join us in the tribe, head on over to Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash tribe. I'm looking forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon. Take get care I oftor oftor I OFTT I doctor

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