TBG U: Sisterhood in the Divine 9

Published Apr 23, 2024, 7:00 AM

Congratulations, you’ve been accepted into the inaugural class of Therapy for Black Girls University. Whether packing for a new year on campus, thinking through your gap year, enrolling in a community college, or grabbing your stoles for graduation, TBG U is here to help you thrive at this stage of your life and beyond.

One of the most alluring parts of the college experience is Greek Life, but many people don’t know the ins and outs of sorority life. For those of you who don’t know, I am a proud member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated, so I decided to gather my fellow Divine 9 sisters for a conversation about sorority life and the impact of the Divine 9 at large. 

Joining me for this roundtable are 4 impactful college-aged women who represent each of the D9 sororities. Their names are Ryann Phillips, Valesha Rhodes, Trinity Perkins, and Tumi Adeyoju (UH-DAY-JEW). They are members of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated, Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Incorporated, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated, and Zeta Phi Beta Sorority Incorporated, respectively. 

In our conversation today, we dispel some common misconceptions about sorority life, bond over the joys of sisterhood, and discuss how we’ve balanced our mental wellness with our sorority responsibilities.

Where to Find Our Guests

Ryann

Instagram

TikTok

Tumi

Instagram

TikTok

YouTube

Pinterest

Valesha

Instagram

LinkedIn

Listen to ‘The Venuisan Vault’ Podcast

Trinity

Instagram

LinkedIn

 

AFFIRMATIONS

  • I am surrounded by sisters who uplift and support me in all aspects of my life
  • I am a reflection of a strong legacy of black sisterhood within my community
  • I am deserving of the sisterhood, mentorship, and lifelong connections that are ahead of me.

 

Make sure to follow us on social media:

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Interested in being a part of a future TBG U episode or suggesting a topic for us to discuss, send us a note HERE

Order a copy of Sisterhood Heals for you and your girls HERE

 

Our Production Team

Executive Producers: Dennison Bradford & Maya Cole Howard

Producers: Fredia Lucas & Ellice Ellis

Production Intern: Zariah Taylor

TBG University Host & Coordinator: Jayna Ellis

Congratulations, you've been accepted into the inaugural class of therapy for Black Rose University. Whether packing for a new year on campus, thinking through your gap year, enrolling in community college, or grabbing your souls for graduation, tbgu is here to help you thrive at this stage of your life and beyond.

Hi. I'm Sorria Taylor and I'm the TBG podcast production intern. We'll return to Jana right after the break.

One of the most alluring parts of the college experience is Greek life, but many people don't know the ins and outs of Swarty life. For those of you who don't know, I'm a proud member of Delta Sigma Beta Sobarty Incorporated. So I decided to gather my fellow D nine sisters for a conversation about Soworty life and the impact of the Divine Nine at large. Joining me for this round table are four impactful college aged women who represent each of the D nine sororities. Their names are Ryan Phillips, Valisia Rhodes, Trinity Perkins, and Toomey Udeju. They are members of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sort Incorporated, Sigma Gamma Rose Swordy Incorporated, Delta Sigma Theta Sword Incorporated and Zeta Phi Beta Sort Incorporated, respectively. In our conversation today, we dispel some common misconceptions about Sowarty life, bond over the joys of sisterhood, and discuss how we balance our mental wellness with our sorority responsibilities. Here's our conversation. Hi everyone, the conversation today is super exciting. Many of our listeners are likely familiar with the impactful presence of black Greek letter organizations on college campuses and in communities national and internationally. Today we have a special treat as each of our guests represents one of the Divine nine sororities. I love for each of you to take a moment to introduce yourselves by sharing the organization you're a part of, when and where you crossed.

Hello everyone, my name is Tunia Dayju.

I am part of Savery Authority Incorporated, and I'm here at the University of Houston and I cross all twenty two at the Family Fine five Song Chapter.

You're at the Universe Houston. I'm a senior at the moment.

Hi everyone, my name is Felicia Rhoades and I am a recent daily University graduate. I am a fall twenty one initiate of the Outstanding Alma Crime Chapter at Dale University, and I serve as best list for two years.

Hi everyone, I'm Ryan Phillips. I am a current senior at Spelman College and I am a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated, specifically the Sweet Newpi Chapter of Alpha Kapa Alpha Athority Incorporated at Spelman College.

Hello everyone, my name is Trinity Perds. I am a member of the devastating Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated. I crossed spring twenty two at the University of North Texas in the Amazing Data Ada Chapter.

Thank you for those lovely introductions. I am also a member of Delta Sigma Theta sowor It Incorporated, and I was initiated to the Kappa Omericron Chapter at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill in the spring of twenty twenty two. Hei So, Hi sore.

So.

To kick us off, I'm curious what motivated you to join your organization. Can you recall when you first knew it was something you wanted. I'll start with Ryan.

So growing up, I'm actually a third generation legacy. My grandmother is a member, my mom is a member, and I became a member of the Spring of twenty two. I don't like doing things just because it's a family tradition. I actually like to stray away from those things. So I really had to find my own love for the sorority. And it really was just the sense of poise and grace that I saw so many women of Alpha Kappa Alpha Soriti incorporated embody when I was growing up, and just to see that constantly and to constantly look up to them in leadership roles and want to be a part of a sisterhood with like minded individuals.

Really inspired me to join Felicia.

For me, I am a first generation college student and soroar, So during my time at Dialard, I realized that I always knew I wanted to be a member of Greek life, but what was special to me about Sigma Gama Road was their commitment to education. And I was a bit of a nerd growing up, so I realized that I got to the point that I got to academically because I was so passionate about knowledge and using that knowledge for greater goods, and so seeing Sigma Gamma Row encourage women to pursue greater by being intellectuals, but also by using that knowledge to create change. That drew me in and it has kept me thus far.

Trinity.

So I moved from far north Dallas to the southern sector of Dallas. So I remember the first day of school, entering this new school where everyone was a person of color. I've never seen that before. And my teacher was actually a sore. And I never really heard of like Greek sororities or fraternities, but at my school, I vividly remember members of the different d nine fraterneys and sororities showing up to our classes to lunch. And I just remember my teacher. She was so so eloquent. She was really a leader. She was everyone's favorite teacher. So I said, okay, let me look more into this sorority and see what they are about. And I saw that we have a strong foundation for education. And once again, similar to everyone on this panel, I am a huge nerd So I said, okay, that's like a check mark. But also what stood out to me was the Deltas in my area were heavy on community service. You saw them book drives, toy drives, clothing drives, registering other people to vote, emphasizing the importance of voting, and that hit every single value that I grew up with in my home. So I knew that Delta Sigma Theta was the sorority.

For me and to me.

So for me, none of my family were Greek. The only Greek person is my brother. He's in a multicultural fraternity. But I came from a lot of pwi's. I grew up in Michigan originally, and I moved to Texas when I was like thirteen fourteen, so I didn't really know about black lettered Greek organizations. I knew about the Panalytics and the IFCs, but I never knew there were ones for like black women, and especially as a first gen my parents were Nigerian immigrants. I I didn't really get exposed to all of that at a young age because they didn't know about it, so I didn't know about it. So coming to UH, I really was exposed to it, and my brother was like, you should go see it. But I was very anti authrority because I went to the stereotypes but you see in movies and TV shows, So I didn't really know that there was more to it out there because I didn't do my research, and so I met the fives on chapter here at UH and I just loved how authentic and how warm and welcoming they were, and same to Trinity, like they were always doing service, always doing community service, especially mental health, which is part of my major. And so I was like, this is very like calling to me. And there was just little things I noticed as I went researching in Zeta. I had some teachers that were Zeta, some of my favorite book authors are Zeta's and it just all felt very like a puzzle piece putting together. So that kind of drew me in, And once I learned more about Zata, I was like, Okay, yeah, this is right for me.

I feel very homely here.

Thank y'all for sharing those sweet sentiments. Tell me what do you love most about your story?

I think for me, I love how they're all over the place. You can always see a soul war wherever you go. Even driving in Houston, I see so many data plates. And for people that also don't know, like you know, Zeta Phi Beta were constitutionally bound to another D nine frat, and that as another aspect of feeling like you're never alone, and it truly feels like that, like whenever I need help, I know there's.

A solar around the corner that I can call.

Even like in the grocery store, I see a soul war and we're just chatting it up, and I just feel like I always have a sense of community, and I know I do wherever I go in this world. So I think that's like my favorite part is just how everyone really takes the sisterhood and like brotherhood to heart.

Not to sound cheesy or cliche, but what I found to know about Delta Sigma Theta is that we truly impact the world. We shift the culture, and we are the starter of conversations. I remember when I first crossed, I met sore Readabauers, who currently is a representative in Texas, and she is pounding the pavement for the Crown Act in Texas, and I said, oh my gosh, we are now sores, but I actually see someone who is impacting not only the state, but trying to change the country in terms of natural hair, workplaces and just really making a space for black men and women to express themselves that way. So I was like, Wow, we really are the starter of conversations, and we're also everywhere, So that's really cool too. What I love the.

Most about Sigma Gammarroe Swart Incorporated, honestly is my sore ers. And I say that because prior to coming to college, I really didn't have a role model, and so meeting different sores from across the world has given me a perspective of I can go far, I can be whoever I desire to be, and they encouraged me to be fierce and fearless in my.

Pursuit of grater.

So I love just meeting them, but also knowing like to me, then no matter where I go, I have a community, and also seeing them inspire women like me but also younger girls to be their best selves. You know, they always encourage us to grow and.

I love it so for me, it really is like the true sisterhood. We have this saying and we say like we help each other for we know there's no other. And I truly have felt that during my time as a member of outfigat that AUFS already incorporated. Most of my mentors are sores, and not even intentionally, but I just met them in life and they happen to be sores and the way they've helped me me not even knowing them that well. But even after a week of me being able to get to know them and I call them I need something, they're right there. And it's just so amazing to know that wherever I go, they're going to be sores who are like to help. I think we can't do this life journey alone and to have those sisters across the world.

It just means so much to me.

I completely agree with all of your statements. I find myself relating to each and every one of you just to summarize it for myself. But Ryan, you touched on this earlier, but I would love to hear from those of you who have D nine parents and family members and how do they influence your decision to join your organization.

So my mom did not influence me at all. Like my mom was always like, you're going to do what you want to do, and if you want to do it, then you're gonna have to work hard.

And do it.

So I think that's something that like honestly pushed me to join more because it was like, oh my gosh, like I can make this decision for myself and really know that it's right for me. And yeah, and then my dad's also a member of Omega Sci Fi Fraternity Incorporated, and he also was just like, this is your own journey, Like I'm here to help you in any way that I can, but the end of the day, it's your decision and it's something that you're going to have to stick to for life, so you just need to make it on your own.

Thank you for sharing that, Ryan, I relate in a similar sense. My aunt was in the same tune. My Auntie is also a member of Delta, but she was very much focused on school, focus on the grades, focus on you, and whatever come will come. And that just pushed me even more of like, Okay, well yeah, I'm going to do this, and I really want to do this, but designing your own path and crafting your own path is like really important for me.

So I completely relate to that.

So for someone who isn't a part of Greek life, sometimes it could be a bit unclear what it entails. Can you explain some of the commitments that come with joining a southrority, Like I.

Always get asked that at meeting Greece that we have for the fraternity's authorities, and it's always a question that people laugh because my face is always just like well, what do you want to know?

Like, like, it's a lot that comes with it.

It's not only yes, it's like, you know, you have to be in the chapter, and depending on like the chapter, you're gonna have to have a leadership position.

My chapter is small right now.

We only have four people, and when I came in, there was only two people left because some people graduated.

So I immediately had a leadership role.

It wasn't like I got to be a member for a year feel the waters. You know, I had to go straight into it. And so you like have that leadership experience. You have to know that not only that leadership experience, you're also going to have to host events, go out meet people, be social. And not only that, it also entails with a lot of time management and like learning how to prioritize your life because not only do you have your Greek life, you have your personal life, you have school and then like for example, for people like us, we have like our side households are like content creator, our endeavors.

So it entails like a lot of.

Stacking up different life aspects and understanding how to handle it. It's hard at first, I will say surprise, I didn't know what busy was until now, but it's doable, but it is, it's busy.

I think the biggest thing is just bouncing off of what you said.

Definitely balance.

This is our service work and like our primary service work, but you still have to have a career.

You still have to have a life for like.

Everything else you're doing.

And so I think that's the biggest thing I learned, was like balance, and then also.

Just service work. You have to be ready to do the work.

Just even today I did an event at one of the local elementary schools. We did a book drive, so we like dropped off the books and then made friendship bracelets with some of the students there. And then right after that we went to another school to do a step and stroll performance for another service opportunity. It's definitely a lot of service work, and it's also just like you have to be sisterly because at the end of the day, it is a sisterhood and you have to be ready to make sacrifices for some of your sisters at times as well.

For me, I understand sometimes we talk about the commitment and coding time, financial commitment, but one of the commitments I realize gets overlooked is the commitment to selflessness when you're joining a d NOT organization. And I'll speak specifically for my organization. Of course, our principles are our sisterhood, scholarship, and service, and so that sense of selflessness comes in when you're willing to give your time, your energy, and your love to truly see a difference be made in the community. So for me, I've learned that the greatest commitment I've had to make is to my growth, but also to being willing to understand that what I do now, the seeds I sew now and that I water are going to benefit the organization later, but most importantly, it's going to benefit the world and the community long.

Term as well.

So that's something I would say, remember that when you're joining the d NOT organization, it's not just a commitment to the organization, it's a commitment to furthering the mission and the values of the organization as well.

On behalf of the community preach.

For sure, I'm going to piggyback on everyone because they have literally told y'all everything. One of the commitments that I really really learned while an undergrad was not only the commitment to your sorority, but also the commitment to your university. And that is a huge umbrella. That could be community service work. Of course, your grades, because you are there to get a degree. Get your degree, okay, period, we graduately over here, your great service work, but also how you impact your campus. I think a lot of people don't really think about that. There are people really looking up to you and watching you to see what you are going to do. So that's really interesting. And it also like the biggest commitment I learned was really mental health, which I applaud Delta Sigma Beta Sorority for really emphasizing mental health. You really have to keep your mental health in check, especially in authority, because that impacts how sisterly you are to your other members, That impacts your school work, that impacts if you're in a leadership position, can you handle it because your sorority business still has to go on. So yeah, that's what I learned.

So to recap there's no one size fits all for a commitment with a sorority basically, so I know for me, similar to some of you, my perceptions of Greek life was through the entertainment industry through family conversation, and my perception was not the reality. And so what were your initial perceptions before joining the sorority and how did those perceptions change after you became a member.

Honestly, initially, like I said earlier, I joined my organization not only because of the commitment to education, but also because I vowed their approach to sisterhood and service. So going in, I'm thinking, Okay, we're about to do community service, have these sister bondings. And when I tell y'all, these women challenge my ego. They challenged my ego, and so my whole perception of Greek life was completely shattered in a beautiful way because I went in thinking like, Okay, I'm just gonna give back, have a good time, and really make a difference. In reality, I was way more impacted spiritually, emotionally, mentally, professionally on all levels than I ever could have dreamed of. So at the time in undergrad I had those mental health days, I had those moments where like it was a lot, But I'm so grateful that they challenged me in that way because I realized the sisterhood is not just about what you give, but what you're open to receiving as well.

My initial perception, honestly, I saw Delta through the lens of older soars, not really younger sorees. So when I was initiated, it was just like, Okay, I'm glad I made it to the other side, but what does this look like in terms of a collegiate instead of alumni member? And so I knew that we did social action, we did work on the community and things like that, but I didn't know about the business side and what that looks like as a leader within your chapter. So I definitely, definitely, definitely have to check my ego, Like that was a huge thing. You have to be teachable to be impactful, but having to learn about not only being a student but also being like a business woman in some aspects. So I think that's a huge thing that most people do not know, is that you have to put on that business had you have to learn on the curve.

Yeah, So I think I saw like all these women and I was inspired by their grace and like how they moved through the world even though they were.

Doing all of these things.

Like I don't know if y'all know that TikTok, but she gives money, she's super pretty, her body, tea like that was all of it, and that inspired me, and I was like, oh my gosh, they are like really doing it. But I think I was a little bit shocked by the work. And I always knew I wanted to work because I knew it was gonna be a lot of work. But like really learning that the work of an alpha woman is like truly never done, and like understanding that from learning from my big sisters and like just like people who inspired me to be in the sorority in the first place, was just a big deal for me, and it really just taught me how to move through the world in a better place.

I would say.

With me, I kind of expected like the work, I guess because I saw how much work my brother put into his Greek life, and I was like, okay, like there is work, there's chapter work. I understand that part. I understood the business side because incorporated know your business. You're running a business and you must act as such. So I understood that, Okay, these are like business women. These women are here to further the progression of their sorority and their chapters. What I didn't expect was having to put myself out there the way I did. I guess socially physically, I didn't really know what strolling was. I didn't know about it.

I didn't know what it meant.

And so when we had like our first practice, they're like, oh, yeah, we're gonna stroll.

Like at a hump knight.

Like what is that?

I never went to any of the D nine Greek stuff on my campus before becoming a zeta, So little did I know that I would have to be doing these strolls or front of all these people with their cameras flashing on me.

Did not expect that.

Did not expect to have to like find that new source of confidence because I don't dance in front of people, you know, I'm Nigerian. Love to dance comfort on my own home, never done in front of people.

So I did.

Not expect to have to dig deep in within myself and find a new source of confidence. Because I can be camfident in speaking of presentation, but to be confident to speak in front of a whole bunch of students, to always be on ten, always talk about yourself, having to stroll do step presentations, that's a whole new type of confidence that I did not have. But with the care and attention of my sores, I will say that they did help me find that confidence. It took a while, but they definitely nurtured that and saw that within me and definitely took it as a learning and a growth mindset that they can help me find a new confidence and a new side of being that I didn't tap into before.

And off of that point to me, like shout out to the collegiate advisors that push all the undergrads in that confidence and pushing us to be confident. That was another thing that I didn't realize before joining that I would have to unlock a different side of being confident. So shout out to all the advisors who are challenging us every day to be more confident in our skin.

Hi, I'm sorrya Taylor, and I'm the TBG podcast production intern. We'll return to Jana right after the break.

What are some misconceptions about joining authority that you want to dispel?

There's so many, but many I'm gonna say, Like, I guess a stereotype that I always hear from people is like we're all very like standoffish or like very like snobby, if that makes sense. I understand like this is a very privileged position to be in. Y'all pay dues. That's expensive. It's financially privileging, it's socially privileging. You know, you don't have to have the time, the money, and you get the connections and stuff like that. But I feel like people think that we're paying for friends and we're paying to be a part of this elite group. And I say elite with quotation marks because it's not that. And I feel like people don't take the time to actually see past the Greek stereotypes that like, oh, all you guys do is like party, go out and be social, the drinking stereotypes. I hate those because that kind of negates all the service work that I know all of our org do, Like we all do a lot of service, and for that stereotype for us to be like these uptight, like snobby people, like this elite people, it kind of negates all that service and all that work that we ourselves know that we're not like those people that people stereotype us as, and it makes it harder. Also, I feel like to be a person in a Greek or because once you say like, oh, I'm part of this org. Everyone in their mama has a whole with the stereotypes about like, oh, you're part of that org, I know how you act, or you're part of that org.

Oh I know how you speak.

It's like, no, you don't because without the letters, with the letters, I'm still the same person.

I just so happen to wear.

These letters in these colors I agree with. To me, I was going to go into the stereotypes as well. I believe a lot of the misconceptions that I dislike that I wish we could just completely eliminate are the ones that revolve around how people perceive you based off which organization you're in. So if you say you're a Sigma woman, a Delta woman, a Zta woman, or an Alpha woman, people instantly have this idea of how you think, how you move, how you cook, even how you navigate life and your relationships. But the reality of it is, you cannot generalize us based off our organizations.

If anything, that.

Should inspire you to get to know us about our values and our morals better. Other people's perceptions of your organizations are not a reflection of you as a whole.

You are a major part of how.

Your organization can function and move, so your unique contribution matters to the organization. So just because I'm a Sigma woman and you may not think I look like a Sigma woman does not mean I'm not valuable and does not mean my sorority isn't beyond your steer types and your negative perception snaps all around.

Thank y'all for sharing those points. So moving on, Felicia, I know you became a member of Sigma Gamma ro Story incorporate during COVID nineteen and join when there is zero members on your campus. Can you talk a little bit about that experience?

Honestly, I recently just had to talk about this because someone asked me how did I know if I was resilient? And I always think back to how I was able to navigate the intake process in an accelerated process, so meaning that it was completely shorter and faster than the average process while also during quarantine or post quarantine per se. It's honestly one of my greatest accomplishments, mainly because through everything I went through with my mental health during COVID, I did not think I would be strong enough to embark on the journey, let alone to come out on the other side, and so to hit the stage on probate day or on show day, and then to be able to be selected as president a week later, it was a major torch to bear. But now that I look back and I see my chapter and how much they've grown, and I see them post events and all these big things, it is a reflection.

That I'm capable.

So I will not tell you it was easy.

It is top three hardest things I've ever done in my twenty two years of living. But it's one of my most prideful accomplishments because I've built the foundation for the Omicron chapter to grow, and I'll always be grateful I could do that for my chapter in my school.

That's amazing. Thank you for walking us through that. To me, you attended the University of Houston, which is a PWY. How does your chapter impact this space as a Black Greek letter organization.

I would say it's a lot of putting yourself.

Out there because especially like our PWY, it's in like the heart of downtown Houston, so it's near Third Ward and anyone from Texas knows like is a black majority.

Space, but UH is really diverse.

And when it comes to that, you do have to struggle with sharing the limelight and sharing it with the other Paneltic and IFC and MGC councils. And I feel like, as like a Black Greek Letter org on a PWY, it's a lot of putting ourselves out there and having to raise our own standard and be above the standard, especially because we have small chapters here like PWI Multicultural or even like Black Greekletter or chapters. They're small because the school is not catered to that culture. And because it's not catered to that culture, we have to be the culture and bring the culture to the campus and make sure that it's instilled how it should be instilled, making sure that people understand and respect like our orgs and don't see us as some afterthought, if that makes sense.

And I feel like with pwy's is just very.

Much of a struggle bus to have people see us even as like our MPAC, like MYNPAC. I can applaud them so much because even this past school year we've grown so much in outreach and getting people to notice it, like hey, we're here, because.

I get told a lot of the times like oh you're a Zeta. Yeah, I'm a zeta.

They're like, I didn't know there was even black grief oors on this campus. And that's crazy because I know we all wear our letters on this campus of the time. I know our yard is big. But because our school doesn't push us out the way and HPCU would push out a black Greek letter orgs, we have to try ten times. It's hard to be seen and it can be like a bit discouraging, but at the same time it helps to find people that want to have that community and want to really be connected with, like the black culture at UH, and it's very beautiful when you see it, like hump Nights. You just see like all the black curacius come out and support because they know the opportunities here aren't the same as for their counterpart who isn't black.

Thank you for sharing that, Ryan, what has been the most rewarding aspect of your experience in chapter and how has it contributed to your personal growth and sense of community.

I would say that the vine never stops growing. It's been so important to like my matriculation through school and also just my womanhood, just being able to have so many sisters to lean on across the spectrum in terms of like my family members who are sores, but also just random people I meet on the daily who are sores and I'm like, Hi, how are you like introducing myself and also just finding out more about them. I think it's just a really beautiful experience to move through the world knowing that I represent this beautiful organization that has so many members who are all committed to these values into growing the sisterhood. And also just I crossed Spring twenty two and we just had another line. And so just seeing how I was able to build relationships with like my nails and just continue developing relationships through my entire like in my future life as like a member for life. I think that's just going to be so beautiful. It's one of my favorite parts.

I love it.

And Trinity for a little moment of reflection, how do you navigate some of the age slash generational differences with your order soares whom you lead alongside?

So I would like to preface this whole answer by saying, I grew up with nothing but Theason people. So I maybe twenty two may look like a kid, but my soul I am a good sixty five years old. Okay, I would just like to put that out there. I have an easier time navigating that area compared to some of my other sores. But I think communication is key and understanding. I think one of the biggest life lessons that I've always had is being teachable. They've been with Delta way longer than me, so they have insight and knowledge that I am growing into. So I always have a listening gear on. Now when some of those opinions or ways of conducting business may be just each bit dated, that's when I come in and say, hey, sore, well at the University of North Texas or even here in Providence, I've learned these new things that can make life easier for us. Let me just walk you through it so you can see it and let me know your opinions and your insight. And I always try to find a middle ground. But I'm normally able to find a middle ground just because my soul I'm very old, so I understand where they're coming from. And also I get respect because I actually have a listening ear, if that makes sense. I know that's one of the things that they talk about a lot with younger sores is Hey, they don't want to listen. They just think they know it all. But when you sit and listen to them and say, hey, like I hear you, I understand you. But this way may be a little bit easier. We're normally able to come to a middle ground.

I love the strategies of communication there. It's amazing. I definitely relate with the older soul and that's an art within itself of having that.

Hi, I'm sorry, Taylor, and I'm the TPG podcast production intern. We'll return to Jana right after the break.

To me. Can you recall when you how to navigate conflict with the Sore War? How did you go about it and what did you learn?

I feel like when it comes like conflict with the Soro War, it's inevitable. It's a lot of personalities in one or and at the end of the day, we're all human. You're not gonna get along with everyone, and even if you do, a sisterhood is just like any other relationship in your life.

You're gonna have your downs.

You're gonna have the moments where your guys are butting heads. You're gonna have the moments where you guys aren't getting along or where you might not see eye to eye and especially because like we talk about this in the business aspect, maybe you guys just aren't good at working in a business setting. You're great at the sisterhood, but the business setting you're not. And I can recall a time, like I know there's spend times where like I would butt heads of my own mind sisters.

But something that.

Has helped me because especially I don't have sisters, I don't have a brother, So growing up I had a different tactic of handling arguments and it was very much the brotherly way of I'll hit you because that's the only way I know because growing up the brother that's a different type of dynamic than handling conflict with a soul with a sister. And something I learned is it's kind of like threefold is understanding. You need to listen and understand from their point of view and also have like empathy and know that they're so human and you're so human, and not to put people on this like pedestal of we're in this or we should be better than that.

Yeah, but like we all have our flaws, we all have our.

Weaknesses, the things that we still need to work on. And sometimes you're gonna but head. Sometimes you're going to not understand someone, and sometimes that conflict may lead to maybe you guys don't talk anymore, maybe things just don't feel like the same.

But I think something else I learned.

Is that time heals, and you have the time, and you have the time to cool off. Maybe you guys just need to be in your own separate lives for a bit. At the end of the day, you're still sisters and you still are going to respect that person as a solar, and just know that maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week, you guys will come back together and men that sisterhood.

Conflict.

Like I said, it's inevitable, it's going to happen, But it's how you handle it is the real kicker on whether this can go really bad or really good. And then also depending on if it goes really bad orally good, how you handle it. Further than that, communication styles, talking with them, listening to them, how you respond to what they say, things like that. It all ties into conflict resolution, which is something that should also be noted before going to a D nine. It's like, you're going to have to learn conflict resolution fast and quick because it's going to happen and you can't avoid it.

You just have to use it as a learning curve with it for the next time that ever happens.

Yeah, I definitely agree. I think going back to the point of being teachable, being open to learning conflict resolution and other communication styles is my number one tip honestly, and being flexible with different communication styles is the best way that I've learned how to navigate conflict in a sority and just in my life in general. So, Ryan and Valicia, I have a question for y'all, what does sisterhood mean to you and how do you show up.

As a sister?

For me, sisterhood is sacred and I say this a lot, but sisterhood is sacred because the type of bond and love you develop with other women, especially women who look like you and have similar values, principles and goals, is prices. So, whether you're having a hard time in life or you're on a mountain a conquering your greatest dream, having a sisterhood you can lean on, but also having people who hold you accountable is the greatest blessing because we walk through life in these individual journeys with these unique stories and being able to have people you can relate to is honestly healing in so many forms and ways. So I show up as a sister by always being there to remind my sorrows and other women around me to believe.

Believe in yourself, believe in your.

Abilities, know that who you are is needed in the world, is ready to receive you just as you are. And so always reminding myself to be love, to show love, and to be open to receiving love has strengthened every sisterhood I have, every friendship I have. So yeah, sisterhood is sacred and never take the women in your life for granted, because you all will go further together if you believe in yourselves and each other.

I could not agree more. I grew up with two sisters, so sisterhood is truly essential to my being. I think it really crafts the way I move through this world, just trying to be as much of a sister to everyone I encounter, like really truly believing that like your interactions with women truly can change the world. That is one of the models of Actually my school is like a choice to change the world to like navigating sisterhoods like a familial value, but also as a value to have professionally can be really powerful to women in the workspace, which I think is amazing and I think it truly is something that can help all women across the.

World lovely and to me in Trinity. How have you balanced your mental health with your sorority responsibilities.

Prior to Zeta, I did have my bowl to struggle with depression anxiety, and I knew going into this that I would need to be very disciplined and also be very accountable of myself and also just know what I can and can't handle and not bite off more than we can chew, because yes, we're in these great orgs, but at the same time, we're not superheroes. We're not super beings that we can handle everything, we can take everything, and like we have our burnouts, we have our moments. And I will say, with me, like balancing my Zeta life and then personal life and then also still trying to make sure that my mental health is intact. I give myself grace will I try to still working on it, but I make a conscious effort every day to give myself grace. If I'm feeling super burnt out, I may just not go to that party. I may just not go to that home night. I may just not go to that social If I know that my sisters have my back, I'm always open to communication. Also, I'll tell them like, hey, guys, today's is not a day. I just really can't handle anything more. I have this test coming up, I haven't finished this homework, I need to do this project, and this will be my only free night. Can you guys go instead of me? And especially as a president of the chapter, I definitely have to make sure that I am giving myself space to breathe, because you can get lost in the Greek sphere and you can get lost in all it entails and you can forget to have that self care night, journal, meditate, go to therapy. These are all the things that especially our org, the Service for Mental Health, and to make sure that we are good as a whole person away. One of my alumni told me is that if you're not okay, then Zaya isn't okay.

And I feel like that applies to all of our orgs. If you're not okay, then how.

Do you expect to continue to do the great work that you were put in this org to do. You got to take care of yourself first, and it's not selfish. I think goes back to what Malicia said is like very much selflessness in order to make sure that you're okay so you can be there and be okay for others.

Yes, she is like on point, I'm gonna piggyback community. Community, community. I cannot emphasize enough how much my community played a huge role in my mental health, balancing mental health with my sorority responsibilities. My parents, my family. Of course they give you like advice on what they would do if they're in your shoes, but you know, you listen to you, You're like, but y'all don't understand.

Y'all don't get it.

So that's where my chapter advices came in, Like so or Sneets or Green or Derek. My advisors were really on me, like, Trinity, go to bed. Why are you sending emails at midnight when am go to sleep? Like it will be here the next day where you can handle that. Did you eat? Did you like just go outside outside of all your responsibilities? So I had like an internal community on my campus outside of my family, but also really like I'm faith based, so going to church and praying and meditating and just having anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour of my morning just sitting there to WUSA. Because I'm one of those people where when I start, I do not stop. I am very self motivated, self driven. I'm going to get to my go whether it means I'm limping across the finish line or crawling across the finish line, I'm going to get there. So really slowing myself down and relying on my community to keep me on track. Of Hey, that goal will not be feasible if you can't talk because you've talked so much today, or if you're injured or things like that. So my community really really helped me balance my mental health with my sorority responsibilities.

For sure, I love and I completely agree going back to my chapter advisors credible women and without them, I yeah, without them, long story might not have made it to graduation some days. So just I completely agree with the both of you. Thank you all for sharing those sentiments. I love this conversation. I'm curious where can we keep up with you? What are your social media handles?

You all can find me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, even Pinterest. I knows people don't use Pinterest, but it's great. You all should get on it. It's going to be at to me a day as you say to you, am, I underscore A d E y o j u. I make a whole bunch of like self love, lifestyle, fashion, beauty content, so find me there.

So I recently moved from Dallas to Providence, so I'm still trying to get my life together. But right now, you can follow me on Instagram at trend the Scholar, on LinkedIn Trinity Perkins. Yeah, let's let's connect, let's network.

You can follow me on Instagram at Valisia Rose so that's v A l E s h A r O s E. You can also add you on LinkedIn as well, because you know, we keep a professional at Valisia Rhodes and I also have a podcast called The Venusian Vault, so feel free to follow me on all platforms and tune in about self, love, sisterhood, and spirituality period.

You can follow me on Instagram and TikTok at Ryan R y A and N dot C brook S E A B r O Ok.

Well again, thank you all so much for talking with me. I loved our sisterhood comnversation today.

Thank you so much, Thank you.

I want to thank Ryan to Me, Balicia, and Trinity once again for joining us for this episode. Classes over for now, but before we dismiss, take the following affirmations from my conversation home with you. I am surrounded by sisters who uplift and support me in all aspects of my life. I am a reflection of a strong legacy of black sisterhood within my community. I am deserving of the sisterhood, mentorship and lifelong connections that are ahead of me. To learn more about the work Ryan to Me, Balicia and Trinity are doing, or to do more research on this topic, be sure to visit Therapy for Black Girls dot com, slash stvgu. This episode was produced by Frida Lucas, Elise Ellis, and Zaria Taylor. Editing is by Dennison L.

Bradford.

Therapy for Black Girls

The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a license 
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