Session 54: Shedding Your Superwoman Status

Published Apr 25, 2018, 7:00 AM
For this episode I am joined by Licensed Professional Counselor & Nationally Certified Counselor, Spirit. Spirit and I discussed the key characteristics of the Black Superwoman, how this construct was developed, how buying into this narrative impacts our mental health, and strategies for how you can gradually take that cape off. 

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Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, where we discuss all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information and resources, visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. And while I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me for session fifty four of the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. I have an incredible conversation for you today, all about how we can shake the need to be superwomen in our life. But before or I share more about that, I want to introduce you to our sponsor for this week's episode, Bright Pink. Bright Pink is a national nonprofit focused on the prevention and early detection of breast and ovarian cancers. They are on a mission to save women's lives from breast and ovarian cancer by empowering them to live proactively at a young age. I was thrilled when Sydney, who is the community engagement coordinator and a listener of the podcast Shout Out to. Sydney reached out to me about partnering with them to get their message out. In our first conversation, here's what she shared with me. What we know is that Black women are being diagnosed with more aggressive forms of breast cancer, receiving that diagnosis at younger ages, and are dying at almost twice the rate of our white counterparts. A part of the reason for this disparity is that research suggests that black women's fear of diagnosis, fear of isolation post diagnosis, and distrust of medical providers are all major barriers for Black women receiving consistent, quality and preventive health care. Bright Pink wants to help change this narrative, and I want you to join us in this incredibly important work to save more lives. Here are two things you need to know. One, breast self awareness and early detection are key. No two women have the same breast. They come in varying shapes, sizes, and densities. It is important to establish what is normal for you so that you are better equipped to recognize signs and symptoms when they present themselves. If you notice something abnormal with your breasts, it's important to take note and if symptoms persist or worsened for two to three weeks, speak up and bring those changes to the attention of your doctor. Number two, it's important to know your family history. Having a family history of cancer can put you at an increased risk for developing breast or ovarian cancer. Make a practice of talking about family health history and start with these three questions. Who in your family had cancer, at what age and what type of cancer. Now here's what we need you to do. Complete Bright pinks Digital Risk Assessment to receive your personalized risk management plan. Bright paint created this tool to help you assess your personal risk level for breast and ovarian cancers. The more you know, the better prepared you are as to take actions that can help reduce your risk. You can complete the quiz by texting prevent to five nine to two seven are by going through therapy for black Girls dot com slash bright Pink. It's a very short quiz, y'all. It took me less than five minutes to complete it and gave me some information. Again, I'm thrilled to be bringing attention to this important topic and hope that you will take the quiz to learn more about any risk factors that might help you to take action to keep you healthier. You can find all of that information in the show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash Session fifty four. Now let's get back to our conversation. I'm sure that many of you have heard about the black superwoman complex, this idea that black women are invincible, indestructible, and can save all the ills of the world in one field. Swoop. Well, our guess today is here to chat about why this is so damaging and exhausting for sisters, and why we should do our best to opt out of this story. Today. I am joined by Spirit. Spirit is a licensed professional counselor, nationally certified counselor, parenting coordinator, child sexual abuse preventions facilitator, certified for resignmental, healthy evaluator, and marriage efficient. In addition to tackling life's everyday problems, her specialties include relationship issues, depression, unresolved childhood issues, and increasing overall personal awareness. In addition to working with clients in her private practice, she is also a researcher, motivational speaker, workshop facilitator, mental health advocate, and media personality. You may have seen or heard her on programs including H. L Len's Dr druon Call, Ricky Smiley for Real on CV one, My current situation at l on Centric, Our Dish Nation on Fox. Spirit and I discussed the key characteristics of the Black Superwoman, how this construct was developed, how buying into this narrative impacts our mental health, and strategies for how you can gradually take that cape off. We would love it if you share your thoughts about the episode while you're listening with us on social media. Make sure to use the hashtag tv G in Session. Here's our conversation. Thank you so much for joining us today's Spirit. Oh, it is my pleasure. I'm so excited to be here with you. Yes, I am very excited that we will have this conversation today. So this has been a highly requested topic to talk all about the strong black woman, the black superwoman, and it being time for us to take our capes off. Oh girl, please, let's take them off. Let's untime, let's burn um, let's do whatever, Let's get it done. Yeah. So, I mean, you know this is something that has you know, been talked about quite a lot in mental health circles. UM. And there was a recent video that just came out from Because Facts, which is a series from A plus J that talked about, UM, you know, all of the health impacts that being strong black women can have on us. So can you start by telling us little bit about what this stereotype is and where it came from? Oh? Absolutely. So you know what we talk about when we say this strong black women or this strong black woman is that black women have a history of being known for being some of the strongest women on earth. And of course we have. I mean, if you look at where we've come from, if you look at what the struggle of African Americans in the United States has been, there was a time and a place where we had to do that. And so although many people look at it and say listen, it's started as a way for us to really be able to sidesteps some of these negative stereotypes about us. You know, historically we talked about, um, the mammy, the one that was the caretaker and who looked out for everybody. UM. But it was a really uh disrespectful, um, almost ambiguous kind of uh description or characteristic or characterization black women. Um, then there was the Jezebel, this idea that all black women were hyper sexual and the only thing that we were good for is the value that was created from our physical bodies. And then if we weren't the Mammy or we weren't the Jezebels, and of course we had to be the woman that everybody has come to know and almost I would say, uh hate or hate to love in the last two decades is that angry black woman. And so a lot of people have this idea that the superwoman, the superhero black woman has emerged as a way to counter all of those stereotypes and to say, listen, we're not Mammy's, we're not Jezebel's, and we're not angry. We have it all together, we can do all things. We are all powerful, and we will not crack under the pressure no matter what is given to us. And so out of these archetypes has come this new evolution of this idea of what it means to be a black woman. But that in and of itself is reaking its own havoc amongst us. Yeah, and it does feel like there has been growing conversation, you know, with black women realizing like, look, we don't have to play into this stereotype, like it's okay for us to not be strong. Um, but I also think that there is some real pride attached to it, and it feels like there's this really weird tension there. And you know, it's so funny, Joy that you say that, because my experience is actually not even that we don't have to live up to it, but it's almost a breaking under the pressure that I can no longer live up to it. You know, I'm looking to the left, I'm looking to the right, and I use all these external cues to tell me who I should be. You know, it's particularly in this age of social media, right everybody looks like they are having the time of their lives. They have no worries, they have no struggles, and you know, everyone is trying to keep up with the jones is for lack of a better way to say it, but what black women are finding is, wait, a minute, behind this stereotype, underneath this cape, I am buckling under the pressure. I am I can't breathe under the weight of all of this. And unfortunately, what they are finding is that they are fatigued. So they are broken and they are bruised, and they simply cannot do it anymore. And so that's why it's important for us to help black women understand one that they're not alone to that this is a stereotype or a myth that's impossible to live up to, and three that trying to do so is only going to kill you in the long run. So when you hear the idea that black don't crack, oh, I'm quick to tell my clients, Oh, yes, it does. It just cracks from the inside out. M M in spirit. Are you seeing that? That is typically where a lot of your clients will then come into therapy when they've like hit this breaking point. Oh my goodness. You know, I'm so glad that you asked that, because as I tell my clients, particularly with women, since we're talking about this idea today, is that it's almost never the thing that brings you in. You know, it's not the presenting symptom, because see, since we have the cape on, we don't realize that there's an issue. We usually you're coming in for something else. We're coming in because our relationship is not working out. We're coming in because we need some help with our children getting them together. We're coming in because we recently lost our mother, the matriarch or our grandmother um, and so we're just trying to get just the slightest bit of help, but not too much, because you know, I'm a strong woman, and that's part of the archetype. It's the idea that I really don't need help from others, So I just need something to get me to the next step, just a little something to take the edge off, and then I'll be good again. But what happens when you get in front of a therapy it's like me, who does that really deep, deep work, that does that family of origin work, that does the childhood trauma work. What you're able to learn is one that it's okay to step away from this archetype, and two, you have every right to deal with every part of you that makes you human. I really like that spirit, And as you were talking, it made me think about how scary that might be, Like if you have invested in this identity as a strong black woman, how scary it might be to hit with a therapist and have them start peeling that back. Oh my goodness, it can be very disconcerting, especially for the client. That's not prepared for that. So one of the things that I talk about, especially in that initial session, is what brought you in? What are you hoping to get out of this session or this work together? And how will we know when we got there? And so as we begin to kind of look at some of those things, when I realize, oh we've we're bumping up against that archetypes, Oh there may be more to this, what I do is make my client aware of that, ask them are they able to connect the dot and are they interested in going there? Because the therapy is not about taking somebody further or faster than they're willing to go. It's helping them rediscover themselves in a place that is safe, in a place that is comfortable, and in a place that is loving and compassionate. And you can only do that when a client is motivated to do that and when they feel safe enough to do that. So I'm always very careful about what that means. But I'm also holding my clients accountable to themselves and to the goals that they say that they want. So if you're wanting to live your best life, then how m getting real about what your life has been up until this point benefit you and help you meet that goal. And it's almost all ways the case that they want to go further, because at the end of the day, most of us really do one of our best lives. We're just afraid of the steps that it may take or we don't know what it's going to take to get there, and that's where the challenge is lie. And I think it's really important to highlight that spirit because I do think that that does stop a lot of people from maybe trying therapy. Is this fear of like a therapist dragging them into something that feels like they can't come back out of right, but the idea that they really have a choice about. Okay, I'm identifying this kind of thing and it looks like there may be some work to do here. Do you feel like this is the place you want to go? Hello? And not only do you feel like this is the place you want to go, but it's just the right time for you to go there, because you know, when you begin to pull back those layers, sometimes it's not the right time. If I'm already stressed and I'm doing everything that i can to hold it together, perhaps this isn't the moment to look at some of the things that might lead me to fall apart. And I will have clients to tell me that all the time, and I'll say, listen, do you realize that you are on the verge of what you know, especially in African American culture, what we have traditionally called a nervous breakdown? Do you realize that you're on the verge of that or i e. That you may need some more intensive support, some more intensive therapy, or even looking at possible hospitalization. And I cannot tell you the number of Black women Dr Joys who have said to me, spirit, I don't have time for a breakdown. The kids exacting have, my husband is going crazy, my job is going crazy. I don't have time. And they actually want to schedule hospitalization like they schedule a many petty And I have to say, girlfriend, let's talk about this case because here it is that you think you can control time and the problem is you think you have more time than you actually do. So how do we get real and how do we shake off some of the characteristics that are associated with this schema so that you can finally focus on you and be your best you. And once we talk about those areas that are related to what it means to live under that black superwoman archetypes, then they're able to see, oh my gosh, I do do that, and I didn't even have any idea that that's what it was or that's what it was related to. So, Sarah, I think it is fine to have maybe almost like an academic discussion about like what this archetype looks like. But I do think listeners will benefit from hearing, like how do I know if this is something I'm struggling with? Like how would a person recognize that they may be dealing with some of this superwoman stuff? Oh yeah, so let's talk about it, because you know, um, the actual woman who really is the UH is credited with characterizing this. She said that there were five simple archetypes and maybe they were a little more technical, but I like for our listeners to be able to relate to it. I like to talk about mental health in a way that everybody can understand in so let's just keep it really simple because I want people to see themselves. Okay, so you know, there are five characteristics that go along with this particular schema, and the first one is this obligation to present an image of strength. Always. I am strong, I am powerful, I am woman. Hear me roar. And not only is that how I see myself, but I feel the pressure, whether it's from other women. And those women could be my girlfriends, it could be my mother, it could be from stories passed down. I have an obligation to present black women to the world in this strong, powerful way, and I will not let us down. So it's this collective idea of how I need to be presenting all the time, and that's from a place of strength. The second characteristic is I have an obligation to suppress my emotions. So basically, what does that mean? Dr joy. That means you're never gonna see me sweat. You're not gonna hear that this is hard. You're not gonna hear that this is too much. You're not gonna hear that this hurts me, or this frustrates me, or I don't understand how to do this. I'm going to look like I always have it together, even if the world is falling apart around my feet. You will never ever know it. The third part of this archetype is this idea that we cannot be dependent on help from others. And we are not vulnerable. There is nothing wrong with me. All my bills are paid on time. I've got it going on. I know how I'm handling everything. I am not a weak person, and I am not vulnerable to anything that may come my way. I'm ready for every challenge. I can do it on my own, and I don't need anybody's help in order to survive. The next one is a motivation to succeed against all odds. You know, Black women have known, or have long been known for making a way out of no way. You know what we're talking about, making ends meet, riding it to the wheels, fall off when you feel like you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot, and hang on. All of those things that have been passed on from generation to generation since we step foot on this continent, the idea that you make a way out of no way, and so that becomes part of our belief system that I always have to be able to figure it out and make a way out of no way. And then that last characteristic that falls under that whole superwoman's schema is the idea that it is my responsibility to put others before myself. It is my I I can wait, I can go without. I can do without. I can I'm the strongest one in the bunch. I always have to put the needs of others in front of me, and I will deal with me later on. And the problem is that we never deal with us, and that is where or we go awry. And what makes it all the more worse is that we as black women, are so collective that we get into what's known as network stress, which means I'm not even just worried about my own situation, but I'm worried about and affected by the situation of others that are connected to me. So if my mother is in trouble, her pain is my pain. If my girls are in trouble, their pain is my pain. If my neighbors are in trouble, their problems are my problems. But this network of any and everyone that I'm connected to, I have an obligation to put them before me, to rescue them and take on their pains and burdens as my own. Now wouldn't that be enough for anybody to crack under? M M? Yeah? In the video even talks about, you know, like how black women do that more than other people, like taking on and the stress actually feels as if the stressful situation is happening to you. Oh, absolutely, And that goes back to that collectivism mentality. You know, we have always been about being our brother's keeper. And you hear these kind of uh colloquialisms and analogies within our community, and they are passed down from generation to generation, and you come to own them as a particular obligation. You don't want to drop the ball. You don't want to be the weak link. You don't want society to be able to look at you as negative stereotypes that have traveled and been passed down from generation to generation as it relates to us as a group. And so basically you decide they will never see me sweat, and why because they're not supposed to. But that couldn't be further from the truth. Dr Joy. We all sweat, right of course, of course. And see's here this is where I find myself like really struggling with like the tension of this, because I think that they're is something very powerful about the fact that our culture is collective, and you know that I am my sister's keeper, Like I feel like I and a lot of people like take real pride in that, but of course, as you mentioned, there's a point at which that goes too for so what is the boundary, like, how how can we continue to take care of each other but also know when we have to kind of make a line that you can't go to part with that? Yes, well you know, and I'm actually I'm so glad that you're asking that because I feel like this conversation is so timely because here as we look at April, April is National Stress Awareness Months. And so what we know is that Black women are disproportionately affected by stress just due to the high demands of our daily lives, our struggles, and our inability or unwillingness to shake off this black superwoman complex, if you will. And so what we have to do is we have to pay attention to us as individuals. And when I say us, I'm not talking about this network stress, okay, I am talking about we have to go inward and look in first instead of outside, because the reality is you cannot pour from an empty cup. It is impossible. And so we have to decide that when we get ourselves together, we want to be together not just from head to toe, but from the inside out, and we have to be aware of what kind of things cause stress for us. We have to be aware of those early signs of stress so that we know when it's taking a toll on us. We have to know how to manage our stress, and we have to know how and what to do if we find that we can't handle the stress that we're under understanding that that does not make us weak, but in fact, it makes us stronger. Okay, So that that feels like a great compromise, right Like, in order to continue to take care of the community, you first need to take care of yourself. Come on, come on, you know, and then we all have to understand. I love to tell my clients this over and over again. You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. You do not have to do it. But unfortunately, all of these lessons that we're talking about go against this superwoman complex that we've been taught, that we've been conditioned to believe. And so the moment that we take our eyes off of others, the moment that we decide I'm not going to take on the problems of someone else, Because there's a difference between helping enabling and taking on, and far too often we don't know the difference, and we find ourselves overly involved in other people's situations, believing that that's what we're supposed to do. I'm strong enough, I got this. I don't want to see you suffer. I won't suffer if I take this on. We have to realize our own humanists. We have to give one another permission to be human, and and most importantly, we have to give ourselves permission to be human and protect ourselves, our minds, our bodies, and our spirits as a temple, as a very very fragile, precious temple, and we only have one, and we don't get a second chance as far as we know. So, as you were talking about like one of the characteristics related to this superwoman complex, you mentioned um, the idea that it causes us to have issues with health seeking behavior, and I often think about UM. You know, like my experience has been that black women tend to want other black women therapists. You know, most of the time, it feels like, at least in my experience, but I do feel like there is some UM difficulty when you are working with another black woman therapists who you presume has it together, that it feels like it. It makes it more difficult maybe for you to step into on a more emotional space or it's to admit that you're struggling because of this need to kind of have this presentation, you know what. I think that that's highly possible, Dr Joy And to that, what I would say is then that would be a challenge not for that woman who comes in and sits in that chair, but more so a challenge for those black female therapists to have the awareness because I think that that's part of the cultural competency piece that we're all challenged and charged to have to be uh to have to fulfill. I think we need to understand that about the client that is sitting in front of us, and then we have to be the ones to take charge and know how can I make that okay for her? And so I can tell you that for me, in my therapy or in my therapeutic orientation, it's very important that my clients understand straightaway that one, I'm not your girlfriend, even though we may have that connection and we may be able to speak a certain way and we may be able to use references that each of us get just from a cultural place, because as we are culturally similar. But I also want them to know that I am not the expert in their lives that they are, and I'm just here to reflect back to them their journey as they understand it, or even to help them understand it in a different way. And most importantly, I want them to understand at all times that I am human just like them. And to that I will off and tell my clients and they will tell you back as they are out in the streets talk and other people, or as they refer people to me, and they'll say, you know, one of the things that so and so told me is she said that you do not play about putting you up on the pedestal. And I will tell them immediately no, no, no, because let me tell you, do not look at me and think that you know what my life is about. I have no problem sharing my struggle with you over the years if I think that that would be therapeutically appropriate and there would be some value to that. But if for even a single second I think that you are using me as your measuring stick, then I will not only point out the pedestal that I'm concerned that you're placing me on, but I will jump off head first. And I will not only I will not only do that to break the idea of perfection for you, but also to show you that I can take that leap and still survive and the world hasn't fallen off of its axis. So I will do it to be a model to you, to be a mirror to you, to show you what is possible when you shake off that cap. Yeah, and it feels like that's where some really good work can happen, right Like through that, but learning that they can see that I can take this risk and it is yes, I'd be like, oh it's getting good. Now girl, are we getting into your growth? We on the now, we're in the journey. Now that you put your shoes back on. Because see, the real deal is, I can never tell you what your journey is like. And it's not for me to judge your journey because I will never ever be able to walk a single mile in your shoes, and so it is not for me to judge your journey. It is not for me to assess where you should be in your journey. How can I do that with something that I can't experience in the same way that you will never be able to do the same in my life. And so A plus B always equal. See in your own life, if you look at your A and you look at your B, it is no wonder that you are at C right where you are sitting now. And it's all about helping you to unpack the journey. So once you understand and are able to make those connections, you then become empowered and in control of where C, D and E take you. And that's really what it's all about. Yeah, I like that spirit. So what would you suggest to people who may be listening to this episode and they're like, oh, my goodness, I do recognize this in myself. I feel like this may be Can I struggle with what kinds of like tips or strategies might you have for people who think that this may be an issue for them? Well, you know, I always say, and this is just my bias. Is a therapist, therapy, therapy and more therapy. Okay. I believe that it is imperative that at some point in your journey, and really to be quite frank with you, at multiple joints points in your journey, that you would give yourself the gift of therapy and getting on somebody's couch, because we all deserve and we all can benefit from the idea of sitting with somebody who is trained to help guide us in a place and in a way where they are as objective a person as I am ever going to be. They are not invested in my situation at all, so they have no stake in this. You know. I love to tell my clients, I have no horse in your race. I'm not betting one way or the other. I know nothing about anybody else. This is just about your individual performance for where you are now, where you're trying to go, and how do you connect those guys And so I would say that therapy gives you one of the best ways to absolutely be able to do that. But then you have to look at the other part to that, because therapy, for most people, it's just once twice or you know, three or four times a month, depending on how you set up your therapeutic journey. But that is just a few minutes once a week if you're lucky, right, that means that you have six other days and twenty three other hours in the to have to engage in this journey with you as the leader, without your therapist there to guide you or to support you or walk you through. So you have to know how do I take time for myself, how do I what do I need to do to get this journey right? And so in addition to that therapeutic processing, you also have to think about eating right, sleeping right, moving right. And you know, in the moving right, I say, that's both getting the exercise that need and that's also getting the rest that you need. And we don't do the rest part well, and a lot of us aren't doing the exercise part well either. Let's just be real. And then, even more importantly, sometimes than all of those things combined, we have to learn as black women how to set limits. How to set limits understanding that no is a complete sentence, Understanding that I do not have to be all things to everybody, and there will come times where I have to say no to my friends, no to my family, no to my job, no to my church, even no to myself. I have to set boundaries so that I can be okay. Because the real deal is that everybody, even pseudo superheroes, need time to rest, rejuvenate, recharge, and replenish. And we have to find a way to strike that balance in our lives. No great tips. So in addition to that, do you have any like favorite resources related to this topic for people who maybe want to read more um or feel like, Okay, I want to do more work in this area, like any books or things that you enjoy. You know what, I don't really think that it's about books nowadays, unfortunately, because I think that everybody is reading something. It's so interesting. I come into a session and I have clients, especially since we're talking about this archetype, and I want to be very clear because I don't want people to be like Spirit said, don't read. No, that's not what I am saying, Okay, But what I am saying is when you were dealing with a woman who thinks that she is the superwoman, nine times I'd attend Dr Joy. She has already gone above and beyond to research the mess out of what she thinks her situation is. Because remember, she doesn't need help. She's trying to figure it out on her own, and she has the answer. So I'm more likely to see that woman coming to the office and go, Okay, I already know what's wrong with me. I think I know what my diagnosis is and you go, how is that possible that you could actually know that? And she goes, oh, well, you know, I looked on the websites and she'll name fifty million websites and I figured that out. I figured out that, you know, with my parents. Well, I'm sorry, that's my little bit to waken up. Now that's the mama being the superhero. So but she says, listen, I think I already have it figured out. And so what I say is, don't try to put the pieces together. Simply show up with your pieces in hand and allow somebody else to help walk you through the journey. In the same way as when you go to the salon and you're going to get a manny petty. You don't sit there and you tell the woman Okay, first you're gonna put my feet in the water. Okay, Now you're gonna make the water this Okay, Now it's time for you to take it out right. We don't do that. You don't go to your favorite restaurant on and say, okay, can you tell them that when they make mistake. First, I want them to set the temperature at three fifty. Then I want them to make sure that there's enough oil on the on the on the grill. We don't do those kinds of things. We simply show up and say I'm here to be a part of the experience. And so that's what I encourage all of the superwomen who are out there listening to this show right now, knowing that they are cracking under the weight, or knowing that their muscles are ready to give out, or that they are simply exhausted. Stop trying to read about it, Stop trying to study about it, stop trying to think that you have to have the answer. Simply show up, show up, and allow somebody to help you, even if nobody else ever gets to see. Because that's the beauty of therapy, it's the confidentiality. Just show up. Just show up nice, nice. So any news or events that you have going on are coming up that you want to share about, the easiest way for people to stay abreast of what it is that I'm doing, and if they want more information about how to do those things in terms of contacting me or watching or listening, simply come to my social media um Talk to Spirit and that's talk the Number two Spirits. You can find me at Talk to Spirit on all of my social media and I will always keep you abreast about what's going on, not just in the month, not just in the week, but sometimes on the day and more importantly, more importantly if they think or they know that they need help or they just want to expand this conversation. One thing that I do know that I do each and every week without fail is Free Advice Friday. They can come to my Facebook page every Friday at noon Eastern Standard time and we do a live Facebook chat featuring beautiful, wonderful, gifted, talented, knowledgeable therapists from all over the country. As a matter of fact, I think we've already seen you on the couch at least wants Dr Joyce. It's about time to get you back, okay, So they can definitely catch you for that, and I definitely would encourage you put a tune in for that because those are great conversations. Yes, we always have a ball, and more importantly, we have the opportunity to talk to people directly, face to face, whether they'd like to remain anonymous or whether they could care less, and they are there to get the information, tools, tips and resources that they need. So each and every Friday, Free advice Friday, you'll find old clips new clips of everything that it is that I'm doing. And also you can put in a request for me to do some other things. Like I said, you never know where the work finds us exactly exactly. Well, thank you so much for joining us today's spirit. Oh it's gonna be on my pleasure Listen. One of the things that we have to continue to do is we have to continue to support each other. We have to continue to look out for each other, and until we get to the point where we are able to retire these cakes for good. I challenge every woman out there within the sound of my voice, check up on your strong friend today. Check up on her. Check up on the one that never says she needs any help, that always seems to have it together, Because the real deal is that helpers need help too, and whether or not we ask for it, each of us can benefit from it. And sometimes it's the one person that refuses the hug. It's the one person that refuses the help. It's the one person who hides behind oh I'm good, I'm fine, I'm okay. Understanding that none of those things are a feeling, check up on them and give it to them anyway, because usually it feels so uncomfortable because they are cracking just trying to save face on the outside. So look out for your super women today. Maybe give them a crypt night necklace for Christmas? How about that? Let's go with vibranium in the spirit of love. It come on forever. But isn't that the superwoman archetype all over? Don't get me started? A new episode take away for us to wrap up. Yes, we'll say that for part two of that movie exactly, exactly my pleasure. I can't wait to see you all again, God Blast. I had a great time chatting with Spirit for this episode, and I'm so glad she was able to share her wealth of knowledge with us. Be sure to visit her website and follow her on social media to keep up with everything that she's doing. You can find all of that information in this show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash session fifty four. And I already know that y'all will have lots to say about this episode and we want to hear it. Be sure to share them with us on social media. You can find us on Twitter at therapy before the Number four b Girls and on Instagram and Facebook at Therapy for Black Girls, don't forget to use the hashtag tv G in session so that others can join the conversation as well. I would again like to thank our sponsor for this episode, Bright Pink. You've already heard Spirit talk brilliantly about the superwoman complex, and sometimes that looks like not actually acknowledging when we notice symptoms, are feeling as though we have to suppress our emotions, if we're afraid, are feeling like we have to project strength even when we feel the opposite. I want to encourage you not to do that with your health and again invite you to get your personalized risk assessment risk management plan by taking the short quiz, by texting prevent to five nine two seven seven, or by visiting Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash bright Pink. If you're interested in continuing the conversations that we start here on the podcast, please join us over in the face community. You can request to join at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash tribe, and remember there are three short questions you need to answer before you are allowed into the community, so make sure not to skip that step. And if you are looking for a therapist in your area. Make sure to check out the therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. I'm looking forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon. Take care, par oftor often, per hoctor often, or

Therapy for Black Girls

The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a license 
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