Session 327: Navigating a Breast Cancer Diagnosis

Published Oct 4, 2023, 7:00 AM

The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.

This October, TBG is celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness Month by sharing resources and celebrating the experiences of survivors. Studies have shown that breast cancer disproportionately impacts Black women. However, a breast cancer diagnosis does not have to equal a death sentence. Joining me today is patient advocate and breast cancer thriver Marissa Thomas. Marissa was diagnosed in 2015 with stage II breast cancer and is now the co-founder and CEO of For The Breast of Us, an inclusive online community for Women of Color impacted by breast cancer. During our conversation, Marissa and I discussed her experience as a breast cancer survivor, the importance of family and how a parent can relay their diagnosis to a child, and embracing changes in your body and personhood after breast cancer.

Resources & Announcements

Tigerlily Foundation

Breast Cancer Baddies Facebook Group

Touch The Black Breast Cancer Alliance

Visit our Amazon Store for all the books mentioned on the podcast.

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Where to Find Marissa

    For The Breast of Us Website

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    For The Breast of Us Twitter

    Baddie 2 Baddie Podcast

     

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    Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find a therapist in your area, visit our website at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me for session three twenty seven of the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our conversation after a word from our sponsors. The reviews for Sisterhood Heels are rolling in and I simply cannot stop smiling at the hot girl books on Instagram shared finish reading this warm hug of a book last night, and while it made me want to hug my sister friend so bad, Sisterhood Heels is a beautiful guide on how we as black women can use our community and friends to aid in our healing process. Thank you so much for the beautiful review. Have you grabbed your copy yet? Get one for yourself and a friend at Sisterhoodheels dot com. This October, Therapy for Black Girls is celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness Month by sharing resources and celebrating the experiences of survivors. Studies have shown that breast cancer disproportionately impacts Black women. However, a breast cancer diagnosis does not have to mean a death sentence, and there is support available to anyone who feels like they are navigating this journey alone. Joining me today is patient advocate and breast cancer thriver. Marissa Thomas Maorisa was diagnosed in twenty fifteen with stage two breast cancer and is now the co founder and CEO of for the Breast of Us, an inclusive online community for women of color impacted by breast cancer. Marissa also holds a Bachelor of Science and Healthcare Administration and is a current board member of Living Beyond Breast Cancer Today. Marissa and I discussed her experience as a breast cancer survivor, the importance of family and how a parent can relay their diagnosis to a child, and embracing changes in your body and personhood after breast cancer. If something resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with us on social media using the hashtag TVG in session, or join us over in the sister circle To talk more about the episode. You can join us at community dot therapy for Blackgirls dot com. Here's our conversation. Thank you so much for joining us today, Marissa.

    Thank you for having me.

    Yeah, it's a pleasure. So you are a breast cancer survivor, you're a women's health advocate, and you're also the co founder and CEO of the breast of Us. It's an online community blog and podcast for women of color who are affected by breast cancer. Can you tell me a little bit about what you love most about the work that you do.

    I love just meeting the women and the community and seeing them bond and connect with each other, definitely sharing resources things that I didn't have when I was diagnosed. I've actually made some really good friends within the community here, some who I would even consider my sisters. And so just seeing those bonds and meeting women who are also diagnosed with breast cancer and that irobably wouldn't have met at any other time if this wasn't the case, that's definitely fulfilling for me.

    And how long has the organization existed?

    For?

    Four years? We started in May of twenty nineteen.

    Got It. Got It? Yeah, And you talked a little bit about your diagnosis there. So you were diagnosed at thirty five years young, which is very very young. Can you tell us a little bit about getting that diagnosis, like were you having symptoms or did you find out some other way?

    I wasn't having any symptoms. Ironically enough, I found the lump myself. But two weeks before I found the lump, I actually had my physical with my doctor and as she was doing my breast exam, I felt her push down on something and she felt something as well, and she just dismissed it and said, oh, you know, it's probably nothing, like, of course, you're young and you've been working out a lot, maybe just strained something like, don't worry about it. And I remember walking out of that appointment and texting my sister and saying, when she was doing my breast exam, she felt something in my breast, and as sisters do or your girlfriend, she just was kind of like, oh, you know, it's probably nothing to worry about. Women's breast tend to get lumpy around their cycle, and even for me, in the back of my mind, I knew that wasn't the case because I've never had lumpy breasts and I've always been really in tune with my body. But just you get that reassurance from your sister, your girlfriends, you're just kind of like, Okay, I'll go with it. And two weeks later, as I was getting out of the shower and putting lotion on, I felt the lump it.

    At that time, and it had doubled in size.

    So in two weeks it had already doubled in size, and I knew immediately, even though it was a Saturday. So there wasn't really much that I could do in terms of trying to go and see a doctor or anything. But I kept trying to tell myself. At the time, my son was thirteen, and so I remember just telling myself like, oh, it's probably like a clogged milk duck, but as a clogged milk duck at thirteen, or maybe it's just nothing, or maybe it's just a sist. Just trying to talk myself off the ledge per se. But I knew in my heart I have a background in health care. I've worked in healthcare for about twenty years, and so I knew in my heart that it was probably cancer.

    It wasn't something good, And.

    Did you go back to the same doctor who has told you it wasn't anything to worry about or somewhere else.

    No, that's probably God's doing because that primary care physician that I had at the time, she was actually getting ready to retire. So I also think that, you know, I don't really want to put that on her, but I also think when you're getting ready to retire, you get ready to lead somewhere. You're kind of mentally already checked out and out the door. So I actually tried to see her. I called that Monday, and then they said they couldn't get me until Thursday. But I was just like, now time is of the essence, like I need to get this checked out. And so fortunately the primary care office that I used to work in where I got my training.

    I called them. And that's why I say, it's really.

    Important not to burn bridges or anything, because you never know that bridge if you got a cross back over it. One day and I called the office manager and term of what was happening, she pit me in the next day, and then they also worked so hard and diligently they got me in the following day to have a mamogram and an ultrasound, which I know for most people that's unheard of. Sometimes what you just do right by people and they love you or like you, or whatever the case may be, they'll go that extra mile for you.

    So where were you, Mrisa already kind of doing routine breast exams for yourself and that's how you knew to be checking or was it just kind of happens dance.

    I'm not going to sit up here and line and say that I was. I wasn't.

    But I also did know my body, so even beforehand, even though I wasn't necessarily having any symptoms, I was really fatigued a couple of weeks before I was diagnosed, but you know, I was just taking it out. I'm a single mom, I'm running after my son, I'm working full time, so you know, I had symptoms like that. So I think it was just my body's way of kind of telling me that something was off. But I wasn't necessarily doing breast self exams. But again, in the same token, I do know my body. I know when something's off.

    Right, right, So I would imagine that lots of complicated feelings come up after a diagnosis. Can you talk to us a little bit about some of the things that came up for you in anything that may be shocked or surprised you.

    Yeah, it's funny. I was actually thinking about this the other day. A year prior to my diagnosis, I had foot surgery. So you know, you're trying to figure out all the reasons why you've gotten breast cancer, right, and being a patient advocate now, I know that there's not necessarily quote unquote any type of why, or you shouldn't be blaming yourself or anything. But I was thinking like, oh, maybe I shouldn't have that surgery. Maybe that surgery provoked something in my body. So now that I have cancer, I actually have a genetic mutation that predisposes me to endometrial and colon cancer.

    It's cult Lynch syndrome.

    And I was thinking like, Okay, well, maybe it's because of this genetic mutation, which, funny enough, that may be the reason why I have gotten breast cancer. We could talk about that a little bit later, but I remember telling my doctors five years before I was diagnosed. I knew I had this genetic mutation. That's when I found out. So I was already going to get routine colonoscopies every year. And I remember telling my oncologist when I was diagnosed, you guys should research me because I'm pretty sure. I'm thirty five, I'm young. I have this genetic mutation. There's got to be a correlation. And I remember them telling me, oh, there's no correlation, like there's not enough research, and I'm like, okay, well duh, Like I'm the research. Like research me. It's probably the reason why. So those things came up are just even my mortality. Again, I work in healthcare, so I know what a type of diagnosis with cancer what that means, and I know what chemo could do to your body. And so just me even toying with the factor, thinking like okay, well what if I don't do chemo?

    What if I don't do these things? Because is it.

    My quality of life that I want? Or do I want to extend my life? And so there were all different types of emotions that came up.

    So you mentioned that you found out about the genetic mutation five years before the diagnosis. Was there just through another doctor's appointment. How did you find out about that?

    So I found out through my dad.

    My dad had coin cancer and a lot of his siblings were popping up with different types of rare cancers. My dad actually had colon and skin cancer, and his doctor told him that he should have genetic testing, and he had the genetic testing, and that's how it came out saying that he had Lynch syndrome. And so because his was positive, they told him that your kids should get genetic testing, your siblings, and then that way we can be proactive about your health. It's one of the biggest things I want to empower black and brown people in general to be able to get genetic testing, so that way they can be proactive and just be more aware of like if you have this genetic mutation, or just aware of your genetics in general, so that way, even if you don't have it, you can at least pass down to your kids and they can be more proactive with their health.

    So tell me more about genetic testing, Marisa. Is this something that is covered by insurance? And do you just go to your regular primary care doctor or somewhere special.

    So you go and see a genetic counselor you can get a referral from your primary care doctor, or you can search for one yourself. Depending on your insurance is whether it's covered or not. I do know, just now being in the advocacy world with black and brown people, it's really hard to get it covered, but more and more insurances are starting to cover it now, so I would just say, definitely do your research, find out if your insurance covers it, Maybe find a genetic counselor or clinic where they can cover, you.

    Know, or subsidize some of the cost.

    I know where I went and had my genetic testing at my insurance did cover it, but the place that I had genetic testing, they actually covered it one hundred percent. Whether your insurance covered it or not, they'd put it through your insurance and then if it wasn't covered, they would still cover it because it just felt like it was important for people to get genetic testing.

    Got it, got it. So you know, I'm sure, both based on your professional background and just sounds like your personal experience, it sounds like you went head first into researching like, Okay, what's happening here? What do I need to do? So can you tell us a little bit about all the things that you researched, maybe in terms of treatment, and then maybe how you made it decision whether or not to try a chemo.

    Sure, so some of the factors that I had was first off, determined the type of surgery I wanted if I wanted to have a lumpectomy or a masectomy. So a lumpectomy is where they just removed the tumor in your breast and then reshape your breast. Maseecto me is where they remove your entire breast. Again, I was at the age of thirty five. I've always loved my breast. I'm not gonna be ashamed about that, and I just mentally couldn't see myself removing both in my breast. And you know, I tell people like, that's a personal decision for you, whether that's something that you want to do or not. For me, I just at the time wasn't mentally ready to remove all my breasts. That just felt it just shocked me to my cordy even think that was even a possibility for something to do. So I decided to go with a lumpectomy. Actually, two doctors tell me that I should have a masectomy. Just because of the type of breast cancer I had was very aggressive and I was completely against it. And the doctor that I was working for at the time time, when I was telling him about it, and you know, it always gives me really good advice, he said, well, you should ask your oncologists if you had a missc to me, does that mean that you don't have to do chemo, because then if you don't have to do chemo, maybe that'll help you make the decision on the type of surgery that you.

    Have to have.

    And I asked my ancologist that and he said, no, your cancer so aggressive you would still have to do chemo. And I'm just like, okay, then why are we removing my breast then if that's the case. And so I decided to do a lumpect to me, and I remember when I came out of surgery, the surgeon telling me, I'm actually glad that you decided to just have a lumpecto me because we removed the tumor at home, we got clear margins, meaning that there was no other cancer that had spread throughout my breast or my lymph nodes. And she's like, you know, and I just put you back together So my advice for people is definitely do your research and do whatever you feel is best for you, because at the end of the day, you're the one that has to live with that decision.

    More from our conversation after the break, so, what kinds of resources were available to you to help support your mental health or as anything available for you or your family.

    For myself, I did have a therapist. I wasn't seeing her necessarily at the time when I was diagnosed. I didn't see her until once I was going through treatment, So that was a resource for myself. I was diagnosed the end of twenty fifteen, did my treatment in twenty sixteen. So I mean, even being as a black woman living in the Seattle area, there weren't that many black or brown therapists for me to reach out to that I felt could connect with me. I think spiritually, like I had, you know, like my mom and family members and things of that nature. But I didn't have necessarily anybody that I could talk to that was unbiased and that I could just unleash everything that was going on with me.

    You know.

    I actually slipped into a bit of depression while I was going through key just because of so much that was going on.

    So it sounds like you did end up doing chemo after all. Can you talk to us a little bit about, like what your treatment has looked like since the lumpectomy.

    Sure, So, after the lumpectomy, about a month later, after I healed, I started chemotherapy. So I did adriamyason and stoxin so ac, which AKA people probably heard of called the red devil. So that's a really aggressive type of chemo. And so I can't remember how many rounds I did. I did the normal rounds of that, and then after that I did taxle so chemo therapy altogether. I started about the end of January and I finished the beginning of June, so about five to six months.

    Okay, And how are things checked during chemo? Like are you kind of constantly going to the doctor to check levels or something like? What is the process for that?

    Sure?

    So with Kimo, the first round of chemo I did, it was every other week, and so before my chemo, I'd get my laps checked and then if everything looked good, then they went on ahead and proceeded with chemo. When you're getting chemo, you're usually at the cancer center. It's almost working like the full shift, you're there for about eight hours because you know, you have to see the doctor. She checks you, sees how you're doing, and then they check your blood work, make sure that's all good to go, and if everything's good, then they send you upstairs to the chemotherapy suite and then from there that takes about at least a good two hours for that to ren its course.

    Okay, and you mentioned that when you were diagnosed, your son was thirteen, So can you say a little bit about maybe sharing the diagnosis with him or how you've navigated that with a son.

    Sure, So I always say, after going through my experienced kids are very resilient. They're more resilient than what we give them credit for. And I waited to tell him. I actually had my hand forced, and the fact that I had to tell him, I told him sooner than what I wanted to, just because a friend of mine new and she told her son who was friends with my son, and so her son went and told another mutual friend and then that mom called me and said, hey, I just want you to know my son knows that you have breast cancer. So you're probably going to want to sit your son down and tell him, so I had to tell him sooner than when I wanted to. And you know, I just any type of conversation that I've had with my son, I definitely try to keep it as real as possible if I can. I just told him Mom's been diagnosed with breast cancer. I'm going to have a good treatment plan. I'm laying it all out. I'll keep you abreast of it step by step. You know, I can tell just the shock that he had. I also had him in therapy at the time, which was definitely a blessing because then it's like I called a therapist told him that I have to tell him, like, this is my diagnosis. So then after I told my son, we can go see his therapist and he could talk about it. But one of the things that he had told me after I told him is, you know, he's just like, you know, I don't want you to die. And I know that when people hear cancer, that's the first thing that they think of, and so wanted to change that narrative. Is just like, cancer doesn't necessarily mean a deathstentence for people. There's many different treatment options and things that you can do. But I think when having a kid I think being as open and honest as you can with them and involving them in the process, so then that way they can navigate their own emotions and feelings about it.

    So you've already given us an incredible example of advocating for yourself by calling your old employment space and getting an appointment with your doctor there. What of the tips might you have for people around how to advocate for themselves with the healthcare system.

    One of the things that I always say is we know our own bodies. Nobody else can tell us anything about our bodies better than we can. So my analogy is just like driving a car. Your body is your car. You're the one that's moving in your body all the time. You know, if I was going to hop into your car and you're telling me, like your car is wobbling this in that way and I don't feel anything, you're still going to tell me that this is what I feel, right, and that's valid. So anytime you see something that's off, or you feel like something's off, definitely talk to your doctor about it.

    Make them listen, make them run tests.

    Recently, I just went to the doctor because I was having some issues myself, and my doctor she just kept trying to say like, oh.

    Well, it's probably this, it's probably that.

    They ransom tests. The test came back is whatever. And I told her why I wanted her to run the test again, and she said, well, we usually don't do that, and I said, that's great that you don't do it, but I want you to do it anyways.

    And so just being assertive like that and letting them know.

    And one thing that we always tell people, it's like, if your doctor said that they don't want to do something, have them note that in their chart that they're refusing to do that. And definitely speaking up, especially when you feel like something isn't right.

    You know.

    I know it's hard to do, especially coming from black and brown communities. We've always been taught that whatever the doctor says, go you don't push back on that, and it's okay to push back, and I say, just push back with love. But you can always get more bees with honey than you can with anything else. And so just letting them know, telling them what your concerns are in that your concerns are valid. One of the things that I asked a doctor recently, it's just like, you know what this was, like your mom, or your aunt or your sister that's sitting here and you had to give them the same advice, What would you tell them if they were sitting in my chair here? And So that's always a great question to ask doctors because I think it humanizes the experience for them, right, It's not just like you're another patient or another number. It's like, no, there's actually a human that's here.

    And given you a professional background, I think, and even your personal experience, what kinds of things would you say the healthcare system needs to do better in terms of working with black women breast cancer survivors.

    Definitely putting more of us that look like us there. That definitely brings down the wall and it's a comfort level. You know, at a recent appointment that I went to, the whole team that walked in, it was all black, and I remember saying to them, Oh, I just love all this black girl magic right here. Okay, let's get into my appointment. So you know, it's definitely employing getting more of us in there, even if they're just patient advocates or patient navigators, to help the communities feel comfortable and their experience. Definitely listening to any concerns that we have and not dismissing those concerns or just saying okay, well let's wait, like actually taking heed to what's being said. And then even from a research or clinical trials perspective, it's offering us those options. That's always a last resort, especially for communities of color, because doctors think that we just don't want to participate because of anything that's happened in the past. Where it's like, no, that's not the case. We just need to know the information. Be fully transparent with us. I mean not even just with clinical trials. I would just say with doctors in general, tell us all the information, tell us what it is that you would want us to know, and break that information down to us so that way we can understand. Don't throw a whole bunch of medical jargon towards people. You know, people like me who work in health your system, I can understand that. But someone like you or anybody else, if I'm just spinning a whole bunch of medical jargon at You're going to look at me crazy, like what are you talking about. So making sure that the language that you're using is digestible for everybody. And one of the things that I love with one of my doctors. At the end of my appointment, she always goes, have I asked you all your questions? Is there anything else? And do you understand what it is that I said? Because then that makes you think about it like, okay, well maybe I do have a question here. Let's circle back to this. So those would be some of my advice that I feel like healthcare providers can do better.

    Great insights there. So you mentioned already that chemo appointments sometimes can be like a full day, like eight hours. I would imagine that recovery is often difficult. Can you talk a little bit about what is like the transition back into your life maybe after a round of chemo, Like what is that recovery process?

    Like, yeah, well what's hard? And I mean even now, what am I about seven years out?

    Now?

    You know, you never go back to where you were. I still have some side effects from chemo and the treatments that I had, And one of the things that I try to tell people is just take it one day at a time. One day can be easier than the other. And just also realizing for survivors or people who are going through cancer treatment, realizing that you may not get back to the person that you were before, and that's okay. You can always look in the mirror and mourn that person that was, but then embrace the new person that you are now. And with me, like I said, with chemo, mentally, I had a whole bunch of different things that were going on, and then also just the physical changes and realizing that is only temporary. But then once you get on the other side, even though it looks different, it'll still be okay.

    So what kinds of things have been most helpful for you kind of managing your mental health throughout this process.

    Definitely talking to a therapist and just talking to somebody that's unbiased that I can get everything out that's inside that I can't necessarily talk to friends or family with, So that's helped. Also leaning into the women in the community and just sharing experiences and knowing that I'm not the only one that's going through some of the things that I have been going through, that there's other people that can understand and relate. So those things have been able to help. And then just also spiritually talking to God and asking him questions or having him help direct me or figure out some things that are going on. In my life to help me with what I call the term that we call it a survivorship.

    It's just navigating survivorship.

    Is there anything you wish you would have known before your diagnosis?

    I actually wish I would have known that there were different types of breast cancer. That's one thing that I wish I would have known. And also even now hearing when people say, oh, you were so young when you were diagnosed, there's women who were younger than me that have been diagnosed. And realizing that we're out there and not to feel ashamed about being sick. I think that was another big thing for myself as being a single mom or a woman. I think a lot of people within communities of color and their households were all taught sick is like shameful, like let's form a weakness, and realizing that no, it's okay, it's okay to sit down and take a rest and take time for yourself.

    Can you tell a little bit more about how more information about the different kinds of breast cancer might have been helpful to you.

    Just then the fact of knowing there's triple negative breast cancer, which means that your breast cancer isn't fed off of any hormones in your body. It's also the hardest and most difficult to treat, and unfortunately black and Hispanic women are being diagnosed with that aggressive type of breast cancer at a younger and alarming rates. So that's one. There's your positive breast cancer, which is estragen positive or progressed your oones. So just knowing that breast cancer just isn't one thing. There's different types and doctors treat it differently depending on the type of breast cancer that you have, and so just knowing that it would have been like, oh okay, it's just something that's different.

    More from our conversation after the break, do you already talk to a little bit about how the breast of us has been healing for you being a part of that community, Can you say a little bit about how it's helped you both while you were in the hospital and even now.

    When I was diagnosed for the breast of us wasn't around, so there wasn't necessarily a community like that. I found women just from searching through social media, searching the hashtag breast cancer and then just finding different accounts and following different women or sliding in their DMS and talking to them, and so that helped. I think that's one of the reasons why we formed for the Breast of Us. So then that way there is just one community where women can connect with other women who look like them, who can relate to them as well, and be able to ask questions in a safe setting, like my hair's falling out, What did you guys do? What type of products did you use? I'm going through radiation and this is what my skin looks like. Is this normal? Or even just asking different types of referrals for providers and so having those type of resources is just so beneficial and to have it at your fingertips is also beneficial as well. You know, here for the Breast of Us are three pillars or advocacy, community, and education, and that is just teaching women of color how to advocate for themselves, not even necessarily being diagnosed of breast cancer, but just advocating through the healthcare system. Community, just bringing the community together, whether that be in person or virtually. And then education, just that education piece, educating them on the different types of breast cancer, the different types of medical providers that may see or you may encounter, or you should ask about or just even the basics of breast cancer in general.

    You know, Mercer, you mentioned like this comes up I think a lot, especially for black women, like changes to hair and skin after a diagnosis. Is there anything that you look at today that you were concerned about related to your physical appearance from the cancer diagnosis?

    Sure.

    I've always had pretty long hair, and one of my biggest things that I mean even just for anybody or any black and brown women, it's just our hair as our crown. So that I knew that that was going to be a big thing for me. So losing it was definitely a shock for me. And I never wanted to be seen with is my bald head today if I had to do it all.

    Over again and knock on wood, hopefully.

    I don't have to, but I wouldn't be as ashamed of walking around with my bald head. I remember, I never wanted my son to see me with my bald head at all, because to me, that just showed him that I was sick, even though he was with me every single day, so he knew how sick I was even going through chemo.

    And I remember one day I.

    Was just having a hot flash because if you're diagnosed young with breast cancer. Chemo throws you into menopause. It's called medically induced menopause. And so I was thrown into menopause at the age of thirty six and having a hot flash, and I had a scarf on my head, and I remember just like ripping the scarf off on my head because I was just so hot. And my son came around the corner in the house and he see me, and I stopped and I was just like, is this too much for you? And He's just like no, And that just brought down the barrier. And so I think I just wouldn't feel ashamed about that. I would just rock my bald head proudly and just be who I was and not worry about other people. I think that's one thing that cancer US taught me now, is just not to worry about other people and apologizing for who I am.

    And what insight could you share for other women who might be feeling hopeless or depressed related to a diagnosis.

    I would definitely say, if you have the resources to connect with a therapist, if you can somebody that you can talk to and let them know how you're feeling and what your feelings are. I would also say to tap into communities like for the rest of us, where you can meet other women like you. During my diagnosis, I actually met a young woman named Christina. We just connected on the same level of being single, moms, having boys, and just Raley talking about us cancer as what it is and not sugarcoating it or knowing that it's not rainbows and butterflies. So I would say, definitely tap into your community and find somebody that you can relate with, and.

    Even just writing about your experience.

    I think that's one of the beautiful things that for the breast of us is that we let women and a shame ofly write about their experience of being impacted with breast cancer on any type of level, whatever that may be. Our experience is so unique, and you know, it's powerful, and it's powerful to read and just to get those words out on paper. I think that has also been therapeutic for me. It's like when I get into groove and I can just write about how I'm feeling and get that out on paper. And I always say in any interview that I do, it doesn't matter if you impact one person or one hundred people, it doesn't matter regardless, it's still just the impact that you make on other people's lives.

    And what role has your family and friends played in your recovery and throughout this process.

    They have been great.

    When I was going through treatment, my dad lived about almost about an hour for me, and he would drive up every day, take my son to school or pick them up from school. He would clean my house, and you know, I think that that was a big thing for me and for him. I inherited the gene from my dad's side of the family. I think he felt a little bit guilty, and so I think one of the things that he felt that he could do was just like take care of me.

    And I'm always a big person.

    So I'm actually having surgery tomorrow, which I mean, it's not funny, but it's just funny. And the fact of that it's hard for me to let people help me, and I'm still learning that. And so you know, I think even for him and for me having him there, just letting him help me wash my dishes or do you know those type of things, it's like, okay, letting people do for me. My son, like I said, he was resilient, he was always there. So I mean even now when I'm going in and I'm having a procedure or whatever, I could just tell him I'll ask me questions, and I let him ask whatever he wants to ask, and we just let it be there. My friends and family, they all rallied around me. My sister snuck and made an email addressed for me, so then that way people could email me while I was going through surgery and treatment, which I think is a great idea. That way you don't have a lot of people calling you or texting you. They could just email you, send you a love note and ask you how you're doing, tell you that they're thinking about you, but you don't have to worry about your phone going off. So that's a great tool for anybody that's listening to be able to do. And you know, I think they all just rallied around me and then just listened and also realized. I think it's a big thing for your caregivers or family and friends to realize is that you'll never one hundred percent understand what somebody that was diagnosed with cancer what they're going through. And you don't need to pretend to act like you do understand what's going on, but just being there and being a listening ear or a helping hand when you can. My best friend would come over to my house when I was really sick going through chemo, and she would just sit on my couch and we wouldn't say anything, and that was the best thing. I don't need you to say anything. I don't need you to tell me that it's going to be okay. I just need you to sit here, and she would just sit there.

    You've referenced several times how hard it was for you to allow people to help you or even asking for help, and I would imagine many people who are listening to this conversation might struggle with something similar. Can you share what kinds of things have been helpful to you to kind of get out of your own way and allow people to step up for you and kind of be there for you.

    Yeah. I think just me taking a step back myself, people even calling me out on it, or if they just know me just doing whatever it is that they know that I want or I need in that moment, and realizing that people want to help and so I should just allow them to allow them to have that space because that's their way of showing love.

    And we all want love.

    We all want to embrace it and take it in, and so if their way of showing love is doing for me, then I need to be able to let them do that.

    So it's something that I remind myself of.

    I'm also curious, have you done any testing with your son given the family history and genetic concerns.

    Not yet, so it's fun He actually turned twenty one this year and the genetic counselor that I met said, just have him get tested after he turns twenty one, so he's up for that time.

    I know I need to tell him. It's funny.

    I was telling a friend of mine, like, oh, now these turn twenty one, he needs to get.

    This genetic testing.

    But I'm also in the back of my mind a little bit afraid because I'm like, if he gets genetic testing, it he's positive, then I know what his life is going to be like. And I don't necessarily want that for him. But on the flip side of that, I also want him to be proactive.

    Yeah, I am curious when you do genetic testing, if idiot is positive that you know, like, okay, something could happen. Do they make decisions or make recommendations for you to like start certain treatments to prevent any cancers from developing.

    Yes, so like with this genetic mutation that I have, like I said, it predisposes me to colon or individrial cancer. So I've been getting colonoscopy since i was thirty one. And I know people listening it's probably crazy for them to hear. And I know some people are like, oh my gosh, I can't even fathom it. But for me, it's just second nature. I know every year around Thanksgiving, I'm getting a kolonoscopy.

    It just it is what it is.

    Once you are positive with the genetic mutation, then they have guidelines of certain tests that you should get done, so certain types of blood tests, certain types of ultrasound imaging, if you need to go be followed by a certain specialist. Like with the indumistrial predisposition to the indemestrial cancer, like I have to go see a special obgyn just because then they know what type of tests and what to look for.

    Which is great.

    So it's great to have that because then they know if you're coming in with this symptom, then they're not just necessarily playing the guessing game. They're just like Okay, well, these are the type of tests that we need to run, so let's go do that, or they just know every year, these are the type of tests that you need to have done. Make sure that you're getting those completed.

    Got it, got it? Thank you for that information. So can you tell us where it's how you choose to honor people who have lost their life to cancer. There's something special that you do.

    Well.

    My friend Christina who I was talking about earlier, she was one of the first people that was close to me that passed away from cancer. One of the things that I've chosen to do with honoring her is like on breast of us dot com, we have a page that's dedicated to her and talks about our relationship. We call it Christina's Corner. And then in stories that are posted on that corner are stories of Hispanic women because Christina was Hispanic, so Hispanic women who were diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer and then also with metastatic breast cancer. So metasatic breast cancer is stage four cancer. It's incurable, means that you will live with it for your whole life, whether you have current symptoms, are an active troopment or not you'll always be living with stage four breast cancer. And so that was one way for the Breast of Us. We have a cohort of women who we call Baddy Ambassadors, So they're women who live all across the country diagnosed with different stages of breast cancer. They're all women of color. And just last year, one of our ambassadors, Sharon, passed away. She had been with for the Breast of Us pretty much since we were founded. And one of the ways that we honored her is that we gave a scholarship to her daughter because she had a young daughter. And then also she had a saying that said in purpose, on purpose, living my best life. And so with the permission of her family, we use that inscription on shirts that people can buy from our shop, and so just wanting to uplift people's legacies, whatever those are. Last year we threw our first Sneaker ball and at that ball we had what was called a Legacy Room, which was an idea that I came up with that I loved. And if you just imagine, it's like walking through a museum and in this room, hanging from the filling or up against the wall are pictures of women who have all been diagnosed with breast cancer. And then the people who submitted these legacies, they put what that person's legacy was. And we had women who you know, are still living in the community and some women who have passed away. And I think it's just important to realize what everyone's legacy is, what that is, and what type of legacy that you're wanting to leave, not even necessarily leave behind, but just even right now, what type of impact our legacy is it that you and I are leaving for people here, And so just wanting to uplift that and uplift women, especially women of color, uplooking our voices and what we're doing here within the breast cancer community because it's so important.

    So where can we stay connected with you? Marissa? What is your website as well as any social media channels you'd like to share?

    Sure, so you can stay connected for the Breast of Us, we are at breasto us dot com. That is our website. Please go take a look, read the story, share them. There's some beautiful stories on there and we love for people to take a look and share them and read them. We're also on Instagram for the Breast of Us and we are on Facebook at for the Breast of Us as well. Also, if you are a woman of color who has been impacted by breast cancer, we have a private group specifically for women of color. You just search breast Cancer Baddies and just answer the membership questions and we'll let you in. Again, it's a safe space for women of color, so then that way they can feel that they can ask questions and things of that nature. And then we're also on Twitter at breast of Us. And then we also have a podcast called Breast Cancer Batties as well, and that's women just talking about their experiences, what it's like dating, post diagnosis, what it's like being married, post diagnosis, moms. Everything is on that podcast, and so definitely take a look and listen.

    Perfect we'll be sure to include all of that in our show notes. Thank you so much for spending some time with us today, Marius, I appreciate it.

    Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it as well.

    I'm so GLAMOROUSA was able to join us for this episode. To learn more about her and the work that she's doing. Be sure to visit the show notes at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash Session three twenty seven, and don't forget to text two of your girls right now to tell them to check out the episode. If you're looking for a therapist in your area, be sure to check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory. And if you want to talk more about this episode or just be in community with other sisters, come on over and join us in the Sister Circle. It's our colzy corner of the Internet designed just for black women. You can join us at community dot Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. This episode was produced by Frida Lucas, Elise Ellis, and Zaria Taylor. Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all so much for joining me again this week. I look forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care. The reviews for Sisterhood Heels are rolling in and I simply cannot stop smiling at the Hot girl books on Instagram shared finish reading this warm hug of a book last night, and while it made me want a hug my sister friend so bad. Sisterhood Heels is a beautiful guide on how we as black women can use our community and friends to aid in our healing process. Thank you so much for the beautiful review. Have you grabbed your copy yet? Get one for yourself and a friend at Sisterhoodheels dot com.

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